The Real Life of E A Masen
by Vancouver-Canuck-Girl
Summary: Edward Cullen - to most, he's a boring book editor but he's really an elusive romance novelist with an erotic flair. When he's not writing porn, I mean romance, he's just a guy who's married to his high school sweetheart and father of three teens. This funny, romantic, sweet Daddyward will make you laugh and cry. (Bonus: A Jake you'll love, too)
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

I looked at the face in the mirror and hardly recognized the man staring back at me. I half expected to see seventeen-year old Edward staring back at me but that certainly wasn't the case. My once wild, bronzed hair that attracted so much attention from the opposite sex – my wife included – was still crazy but peppered with grey. For fuck's sake, I was barely forty-two but the grey was there, a constant reminder that I was, in fact, getting older. My face had matured with some wrinkles, laugh and worry lines. The latter two I blame on my wife and kids, both had given me lots to laugh at and more than enough to worry about.

My beautiful wife, Bella, had been the biggest source of my laughter and happiness. Had it really been decades since I'd first met her? Cliché as it sounds, we met at a high school dance and even though I was a moody bastard, she somehow fell in love with me and I with her. In my defense, I was moody with good reason having moved part way through the school year from big city Chicago to butt fuck nowhere Forks, Washington. I remember when my parents told my brother Carlisle and I that we were moving across the country so my father could work in the local hospital. We looked up Forks on a map and it was a tiny spec with nothing to offer except a few decent beaches, which sounds promising but in a place where the sun rarely shines, what was the point of a beach if it was too damn cold to enjoy it?

I was fifteen when we moved, and left behind 'the love of my life', Kate. Obviously, I know now that she wasn't the love of my life, nor was I actually ever in love with her, but when you're fifteen, your views are slightly skewed. Kate and I had been dating for three months, and although we weren't sexually active, we were forging ahead at a steady pace. I was pissed and bitter; carrying on irrationally for a long while. Let me tell you though, karma is a bitch and she goes by the name Charlotte. More on my youngest daughter later.

Carlisle was sixteen and was looking forward to the move, hoping he could play off the attention a new student got when starting part way through the school year and hoped to land himself a girlfriend. Within the first week in Washington, he and Esme were an exclusive couple and had been ever since. Chicago nerd Carlisle became the captain of Forks Football team, homecoming king and scholarship winner to Harvard where he attended medical school. He returned to Seattle, married Esme and settled into a home a few blocks from where I was now located.

Pissed at the world, I brooded and grumbled daily through those first few weeks at my new school. Texting, Facebook and Skype weren't in existence then so pretty much all contact was lost between Kate and I, not to mention between my best buddies and partners in crime, Tyler and Ben. I was devastated and my parents faced the brunt of my anger. After an especially difficult day, my parents told me that was it, I needed to get out of the house and make some friends and they forced me to go to a school dance with Carlisle. Trust me, that was more painful than anything else they could have thrown at me. Carlisle and Esme got dressed up put I threw on a pair of ripped jeans, an old concert tee shirt and swore I was going to sit out every, single, stupid dance.

In the car on the way there, Carlisle and Esme both tried to convince me to have a little fun, telling me Forks wasn't all that bad, if I'd only give it a chance. Once we were there, I stood against the wall, arms crossed, looking very unapproachable. In fact, no one even bothered with me except for Esme. She asked – more like begged - me to dance with her friend who apparently had a crush on me, why I'll never know. Esme was so sweet in her request, I couldn't refuse.

I walked over and tapped a girl on the shoulder who Esme was pointing at. She turned around and the most beautiful brown eyes I'd ever seen were staring back at me. I stammered away, asking if she was the girl who wanted to dance with me, causing her to blush furiously. The blush was adorable and as she glared at Esme and started to walk away, something told me not to let her go. I grabbed her arm to stop her, gently tugging her to me.

"Please don't go. It's just one dance; I promise I don't bite."

The beautiful girl in my arms smiled at me shyly.

"I'm Edward, by the way."

"I know. Sorry, I mean I know who you are. Because of Esme, I'm not a stalker. I'm Isabella Swan but my friends call me Bella."

"I don't have many friends here, may I call you Bella?" She bit her lower lip which was also totally adorable, and nodded. We danced just two songs together that night but it was by far the best night I'd had in Forks. There was something about the sweet innocence of Bella that made me want her all the more. We dated all through high school and college where Bella graduated with honors (of course) and started teaching at a local elementary school right away. I obtained a Bachelor of Arts degree but still didn't know what I wanted to do 'when I grew up' and worked as a manager in a sporting goods store for a few years until I could figure it out.

The one thing I knew, without a doubt, was that I wanted to marry Bella. I wanted to fall asleep with her in my arms and wake up beside her day after day. As much as Bella and I wanted to live together, neither one of us were brave enough to be the one to tell her father that we were going to live in sin. Chief Swan scared the shit out of me back then and so at the age of twenty, I asked Bella to be my wife, and we were married less than a year later.

And for the record, Charlie is actually a really great guy, and I completely understand his early animosity towards me – sixteen-year old Edward - who wanted to get in his daughter's pants. Having two daughters of my own now, I understood the acrimony all too well.

Our wedding was a small garden ceremony at my parent's home, where my mother still resides. We honeymooned in Hawaii for two, sex-crazed weeks. That was my favorite part, the not having to plan sex around when our parents were working or sneak around, messing up the back seat of my car. I've always been kind of anal about my vehicles.

The honeymoon was our first experience with co-habiting so of course, those two weeks were deliriously happy, without the pressures of real life to taint our rose-colored glasses. Once we returned home, the reality of living with each other was less glorious. Our apartment was a cramped one bedroom in a rundown building. Bella made it cozy and I don't begrudge our time there, but I am all the more thankful for gorgeous home we live in now.

They say the first year of marriage is the toughest and I certainly wouldn't disagree. That was when the haze of romance and lust lifted and reality set in. Differences that seemed non-existent or unimportant while we were dating were front and center after our nuptials. Things like leaving the cap off the toothpaste (her), not hanging up a towel after a shower (her), putting an empty glass on the counter instead of in the dishwasher (her), hogging the blankets seemed cute when sleeping over was a rarity and irritating when it was a daily occurrence (her) – are you seeing a pattern here? I will concede that my vice was drinking straight from the juice container but at least I didn't put it back into the fridge empty (her).

On top of the nit-picky things that we finally worked out, another issue was money. Bella's teaching salary and my wage at the store didn't afford us with a lot of extra money after the bills were paid each month. We each spent money on things the other deemed frivolous – electronics were my penchant; Bella's were body care products. Don't get me wrong, I like my girl clean and sweet smelling but fifty-five dollars on organic-not-tested-on-animals-made-from-exotic-flower-imported-from-Italy body butter is a bit excessive, no?

The fight and subsequent make up session that changed our course of history is still etched in my brain. Bella had come home from shopping with her co-worker and 'bestie', Alice. That woman was lucky she married Jasper Whitlock, a hot shot lawyer, because she needed his salary to afford her all the luxuries she was forever buying. I was playing a video game when Bella walked in, saddled down with bags and bags of junk. In hindsight, that was my first mistake – never call a woman's purchases 'junk'.

"What kind of junk did you buy now?" I didn't pry my eyes from the game because I was in the middle of an epic battle.

"It's not junk, Edward. I needed some new make up and a new dress for Alice's birthday party." Bella sat down on the couch beside me and riffled through the bags.

"You needed it, huh?" I snorted. "What about all the dresses hanging up in your closet?"

"Everyone's seen me in those old dresses."

"Everyone or Alice?"

"Don't start."

"Don't start what?" I asked innocently.

"The whole Alice debate again. What do you have against her anyways?"

"The woman is a shop-a-holic and you try far to hard to impress that little imp."

"One, don't let her hear you call her imp."

Okay, maybe imp was a bit harsh. She was a bitty thing – barely five foot nothing with heels on (which she always pranced around it) - with a firecracker personality. Maybe she was more along the lines of annoying pixie than imp.

"Two, I'm not trying to impress anyone. I like pretty things."

"One," I mimicked her. "I can call her an imp if I want to. And two, you do so like to impress her and unfortunately, sweetheart, we can't really afford for you to go shopping like this all the time."

Bella said nothing for a few minutes and I had figured I'd won. Wrong.

"What game are you playing?"

"It's called Mortal Kombat, just released yesterday, and it's da bomb. See my dude? He's digitized not hand drawn, it's so wicked. Emmett is coming over tonight, he's going to shit!" I kept playing my game as I answered, punching the buttons on the controller, trying to beat the computer.

Emmett McCarty and I had been friends since our first year of college when we roomed together. He was forever sleeping around, getting drunk and stoned but he was as close to me as my own brother. As much as I disliked Alice, Bella felt the same way about Em. She thought he was obnoxious, a point I couldn't argue with, but he was a stand up guy, despite what anyone thought. When I mentioned that Emmett was coming over, I saw Bella roll her eyes.

"He's coming over again? Am I expected to cook for you boys, too?"

"Naa, don't worry about it, we'll order in pizza. Take that, bitch." I gloated at the screen.

"What gaming system is that?"

I should have known it wasn't an innocent question.

"Ahhh, the new Sega Genesis 32x, baby. Isn't she sweet? Fucker."

"So, you bought a new gaming system plus a new game and plan to order in pizza and you're giving me shit about a new dress and some make up?"

Bella crossed her arms over her chest. Actually, I'd purchased three new games – Mortal Kombat, Dune and Wolfenstein 3D – but I was wise enough not to tell Bella that.

"Baby-"

"Don't 'baby' me. If I can't go shopping, then neither can you. Why don't you use your degree, get a real job and bring some money in?"

"Ouch." And I meant it, that shit hurt. Bella and I both knew that managing a sporting good store wasn't my life long goal but she didn't need to rub my face in it. I tossed the controller onto the coffee table and went to get a beer from the kitchen. In the process, I tripped myself up on the cord and almost landed flat on my face. Thankfully, I saved myself and tried to walk gracefully to the kitchen; Bella followed me.

"I'm sorry," she reached out and touched my forearm as she apologized. "I shouldn't have said that."

I shook my head.

"No, it's fine. I'm mean, it's not fine that you threw it in my face but you're right, I can't work at Newton's forever." I grabbed a can of Lucky Lager from the fridge, popped it open and took a long swig. Bella hopped up on the counter in front of me and took the can from my hand. She took a sip before she spoke again.

"Why don't you start writing again?" There was something so sexy about the way she was sitting there, her legs slightly open, her skirt pushed up, her creamy thighs beckoned my eyes to them.

"Huh?" I shook my head and stopped gawking at her legs.

"I said, why don't you start writing again? Back in college, you used to write me poems and love letters all the time."

I snorted.

"Yeah, those were a little on the x-rated side, baby. What do you want me to write, porn?" I took the beer back from her and took another swig.

"Why not?"

"Excuse me?" I looked at her incredulously.

"Why not. You're a talented writer, Edward, girls would eat that shit up, I know I did. Why don't you try your hand at a writing a romance novel." I mocked her idea with my laughter.

"Yeah, right. Edward Cullen, romance novelist. I don't think I want my name synonymous with the crap you read anyways."

My wife always had her nose in a book, sometimes a classic but usually a Harlequin type. I'd read a few pages of one out of curiosity and women may call it romance, but men call it porn.

"I do not read crap. It's actually very romantic with a little smut thrown in for good measure. And most authors use a pen name anyways. You could be, um..." Bella looked thoughtful. "E.A. Masen. Just drop the Cullen. You could be the elusive author that everyone reads but no one knows anything about. You have a great imagination and I know you could write a novel."

I placed my hands on her thighs and slid them under her skirt. I let my thumbs flitted against the cotton of her panties and felt the warmth already.

I cocked her an eyebrow.

"Mrs. Cullen, you're right, I do have an active imagination. Do you want to know what I'm imagining right now?" I inched under her panties, swirling my finger in the wetness. Bella pulled her lower lip into her mouth, her signature look that drove me insane with lust, and shook her head.

"I." My lips brushed against hers. "Am imagining." I left a trail of kisses from her lips down her throat. "Fucking you, right here. Right now." My right hand cupped her breast and I kissed her lips passionately, our tongues melding together in a way that was familiar, yet it felt like the first time with the electricity ever present.

"Well, Mr. Cullen, or should I say E.A. Masen, why don't you then?"

It was fast; it was furious and when it was all said and done Bella smiled at me as she kissed my sweaty forehead.

"There's some research for your first book."

I started writing that night, party because Emmett bailed on me because he got a better offer (sex) and partly because I had an idea that was brewing in my head. Bella had kept all my love letters and poems and although they were, in my opinion, complete and utter crap, they served as the basic plot for my first novel. The book was the story of one couple staying in contact during their long distance relationship. Most of the book was simply letters back and forth between the two love-birds, with a frantic love scene at the end of the book, oddly enough, in the couple's kitchen. Art imitating life.

I literally spent every waking moment inside my characters heads and banged out that book in less than four months on a typewriter (since we couldn't afford a computer) and then I sat on it. I had no idea how to get an editor let alone a publisher. Then one day Emmett brought his newest conquest to dinner. Rosalie Hale was stunning and way out of his league but like Bella and I, they had fallen madly in love. As Emmett and I played video games after dinner that night, Rose and Bella started talking.

Turned out, Rosalie was one of the higher ups in a reputable publishing company. Bella casually mentioned my story and reluctantly, I gave her my only copy. Seven months later my book was in print. Credit all due to Rosalie for calling in any favor she could manage for a book she said she knew was destined to be a best seller. 'Letters To My Love' by E.A. Masen was on the shelves and became a number one seller almost instantly.

The first novel paid me well, but not enough to quit my day job. I was not deterred and kept on writing, creating new characters and love stories and the publishers at Eclipse wanted them all. After my third novel, I quit the sporting good store and focused on writing full time. Each subsequent book paid me exponentially more money than the last. Through Bella's encouragement and 'research' I felt like I'd never run out of ideas.

Rosalie, now Mrs. Emmett McCarty, used her connections to make sure that each of my books was showcased yet kept my identity hidden. The elusiveness is still funny to those who know the real E.A. Masen – Bella, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie. To everyone else, I am a boring book editor at Eclipse, working with Rose which explains why I am forever locked in my office, plugging away on the lap top. With eighteen well known books to my name, the game had been going on for twenty years, with no plans in the foreseeable future to out myself. Not once had E.A. Masen been photographed, any 'interview' Rosalie had conducted with the author had left the public guessing my age, gender and other pertinent information that people wanted to know. The best part was that Alice had no clue and she was probably my biggest fan. Jasper on the other hand, hated E.A. Masen for creating such unattainable, romantic men that he was expected to compete against. I'll have you know, I don't only write foo-foo romance, although that's what I'm best known for in the literary world. I've been known to throw in some angst, some hilarity and definitely some good, old fashioned smut.

I still remember when my oldest daughter, Leah, was fifteen, she told me I couldn't understand what she was feeling because I wasn't a girl and how could I possibly know what a woman wanted or needed. When I snickered at that, she huffed off to her room, slamming the door in an adolescent rage. I wanted to tell her I know more about woman that she could ever know but I refrained and sent Bella in to talk to her instead.

If Leah ever knew that the copy of one of my more racier novels that she had hidden under her mattress was written by her father, she would be mortified and would probably die a virgin.

Hhhmmm, something to think about.

Really though, I write by what I know and what I know better than anything else is Bella's body. Often, my sexual exploits with my incredibly sexy wife are transcribed into a story line, the noises and sounds I describe are Bella to a tee.

Besides being my own boss and working at my own pace at whatever hours I chose, I loved my job because of all the research I have to do for my stories. It's hard to describe making love under the stars, fucking in the shower or incredibly hot wall sex unless you have a fresh picture in your head to draw from. Thankfully, Bella is always a willing participant and our sexual relationship is quite healthy, you could say. Thank God we have a big enough house that our bedroom is on the top floor far away from the kids so we can make some noise when inspiration strikes.

Speaking of striking, I rolled my eyes at myself in the mirror. Now I remembered where those grey hairs came from. Jacob, my headstrong, opinionated and slightly rebellious seventeen-year old son had gotten into a fist fight after school yesterday and this morning I had a meeting with the principal.

Had he been our first, Jacob would have been an only child. From day one, he was a handful. First of all, he took his sweet ass time, arriving ten days late and tipping the scales at ten pounds five ounces. Compared to the other six, seven, and eight pound babies, he was a monster and loud as fuck. All the other babies in the nursery were tiny little things with cries that were pathetic and cute. Not Jake. Coming to visit Bella the day after he was born with three-year old Leah in tow, I heard some kid wailing two floors away and felt sorry for those parents. The joke was on me when I found out it was my boy with the brutal lungs. Jacob was colicky and could scream bloody murder for hours on end, a undesirable trait that lasted a good five months.

Because I could work at home, when Bella went back to teaching after ten weeks maternity leave, I became Mr. Mom. I may or may not have penned a book during those first few months called 'Why You Should Not Have Children' that Rosalie refused to publish. I hired a nanny to help out. She quit after three days, as did the next two nannies we employed. Just when Jacob stated to become tolerable, he learned to walk and talk and we had another battle on our hands. 'No' was his favorite word and never spoken, always yelled.

As the years went on, we discovered he wasn't all bad; he could be a sweetheart too. Jacob never does anything half-assed. He works and plays hard as captain of the football and basketball teams and he loves hard, too. The big lug - six feet and still growing – is a mama's boy through and through. If he could, he would still crawl into his mother's lap for snuggles and he's not ashamed to admit that either. To this day, the two of us fight for Bella's affection. But he is also extremely loyal, like a golden retriever, almost to a fault.

"Good morning." Bella's sleepy voice greeted me from behind. "You've been staring at yourself in the mirror for a long time. Just making sure you're still sexy?" She wrapped her arms around my middle, resting her head against my back. I turned and enveloped her into a hug and I loved that she went up on her tippy toes so she could reach up to give me a chaste kiss.

"Morning breath." She mumbled as she wriggled out of my hug to reach for her toothbrush. As she brushed her teeth, I put the neglected cap back on the toothpaste and she smiled, shaking her head at me in the mirror. It had always been one of my pet peeves but certainly not a bone of contention now.

Speaking of bone, as Bella leaned over the sink to spit, her nightie lifted up slightly. I could see she was wearing those little panties that look like little boy's underwear and it was oddly arousing. I came up behind her, snuck my hands under her nightshirt and cupped her naked breasts.

"Edward." Bella warned. "You have a meeting at the school this morning." I ignore her and kissed her spaghetti-strap clad shoulder.

"Uh huh."

"You have to leave in thirty minutes."

"Plenty of time." I turned her around so she was facing me and I knelt down in front of her, tugging her panties down at the same time. I tapped Bella's feet and she stepped out of them before I tossed them away somewhere. Nudging her legs apart with my head, my fingers started teasing her ahead of my tongue and I knew she was already a willing participant. I slowly planted kisses up her leg, from knee to thigh, and then repeated on the other side. Bella's hands tangled in my hair before I lifted up her nightie and brought my tongue to her clit. It didn't take long before she was roughly fisting my hair and panting my name.

Just as things are about to get good, meaning as I was about to unzip my pants and bury myself in her, our bedroom door was flung open. We were in the en suite so we had a few seconds to compose ourselves before we were caught. Bella smiled apologetically at me as she hurried back into her panties and I tried to hide my erection.

"Mom, Charlotte lost my pink shirt, you know the one I just bought?" Without knocking, Leah came bounding into the bathroom, her long chestnut brown hair flying behind her. She got Bella's hair coloring but the unruliness of my own locks and it was a tangled mess as per usual.

"I did not take your stupid shirt, Leah," Charlotte barked. She inherited the bronze hair and told me daily how much she hated it. When you're fifteen, you hate everything, mostly your parents.

"Settle down, both of you." Bella was always calm, me on the other hand, not so much.

"Girls! How many times have I told you not to barge into our bedroom?" I growled, my unresolved tension making me cranky.

"This isn't your bedroom, Daddy," Charlotte told me with the typical eye roll that I witness several times in a day. Bella took Leah out of the bathroom telling her she thought she saw the shirt in the laundry room.

"You know what I meant, Charlotte. How would you like it if I barged into your room unannounced?"

"Uh, you DID barge into my room unannounced." I half expected her to say 'duh' afterwards but she refrained. She's lucky.

"And why was that?" I cocked her an eyebrow and we immediately had a staring contest. I have to say, it's really odd to stare at the female version of yourself. Her replica emerald green eyes reflected her teenaged angst and she refused to answer my question so I rephrased.

"Could it be because you had some boy over and were upstairs in your room with the door closed?" My raised eyebrows were met with dramatic eye roll number two.

"Don't roll your eyes at me, young lady. You know the rules. No boys in your room."

"He's not 'some boy'. His name is Seth and he's my boyfriend, I told you that. Besides, we weren't doing anything."

She folded her arms across her chest and that was when I notice what she was wearing – a much too tight, ratty Mariners shirt, a short skirt and heels. The type of heels I used to call 'CFM's' back in the day - come fuck me shoes. More bothersome than the shoes are the boobs, I mean, where the hell did those come from? The outfit would be the next topic but first I had to finish what I've started.

"You are too young to have a boyfriend."

I know I was fifteen when I started dating but this was different – this was my kid!

"Whatev."

"And what do you mean you weren't doing anything? Your boyfriend was dry humping you like a dog humps a pillow."

"You're the one who said we should keep our clothes on."

"I meant, keep them on and keep away from each other. Not keep them on and cu-" I stopped myself before I blurted out 'cum in your jeans'. "Never mind. No boys in your room, Char, period." I scrunched up my face and wished Bella were there with the tact that she so nicely inserted in my times of need.

Exactly like four-year old Charlotte, she stomped her foot before she growled at me. Turning on her heels, she stormed out, her shoes clicking on the hardwood. Right, heels.

"And you can go right back to your room and change as well. You certainly aren't going to school dressed like that."

"I hate you!"

"And I love you." I called out after her. I flashed back to the night when my parents told me we were moving and I'd shouted at them that I hated them and that they had ruined my life and my mom had told me she loved me - it sure did piss me off. It was kind of time to repay the favor. I sighed as I walked out of the bathroom as Bella was coming back in.

"She really is your daughter, you know. Your mom told me you were exactly like her when you were that age."

"Yeah, yeah. Karma's a bitch."

What can I say about my karma? Charlotte was sweet as pie when she was my pig-tailed little girl. And then she turned fourteen and it had been hell ever since. Seth wasn't her first boy slash friend, and I still refused to say boyfriend because that would indicate something romantic. Last week she was telling me about some kid named Brady that she loved. She was at the age where her hormones were raging and Bella and I both knew it was time to have 'the talk' with her.

Bella and I had 'the talk' with each of our kids early on. The one where you talk to them about inappropriate touching etcetera at a young age; the sex talk was later. We'd had the big talk with both Leah and Jacob separately.

Leah's was hard because it was our first time. Bella and I had stuttered our way through and she stopped us part way through and told us she was disgusted and couldn't see herself doing _that_ any time soon. In general, Leah had been relatively good during the transition from pre-teen to teen with only a few minor hormonal breakdowns. And now, she was very much a young woman, almost twenty, dating a pre-med student named James that Bella and I both approved of. That was mostly because he wanted to wait to have sex until he was married but also because he treated her right which was equally important to us.

Jacob had giggled his way through the sex talk. When I demonstrated how to put a condom on a banana he'd laughed so hard he had tears streaming down his face and was literally rolling on the floor laughing. At that point, Bella and I stopped the conversation, deciding he was much too immature to even land a girlfriend much less have sex but told him he could come to us whenever to ask us anything.

A year and a half later, it was a different story. Bulked up, sixteen-year old Jake pulled me aside one night, holding a condom in his hand and asked me to show him how to put it on correctly. Bella had looked at me with an odd expression as I grabbed the bunch of bananas and headed into the garage. I'd cocked her an eyebrow and she got the gist of what was happening. As far as we knew, though, Jake was still a virgin.

We hadn't had the sex talk yet with Charlotte yet but after walking in on her and what's his face, Bella and I decided it needed to be very soon, as in that night. What better way to spend a Friday evening. To say I was dreading it was an understatement. I rubbed my hand over my face as I thought about how it wasn't all that long ago when she was in diapers. Shit. Time was passing me by too quickly. I glanced over at the clock as I thought about it and realized I had to get going.

"Is Jake up yet?" I asked as I grabbed my iPhone and shoved it in my jacket pocket.

"He's just finishing breakfast. I hope they go easy on him today, he was defending his sister's honor after all."

Jake had admitted to the fight but told us the kid had it coming to him after he basically called Charlotte a cock-tease. So, yeah, the sex talk was most definitely happening tonight. I gave Bella a lingering kiss, letting her know without words that I was going to collect on the orgasm I was owed later that day before I ran downstairs to grab Jake so we could get to the meeting on time.

* * *

**My apologies for any and all mistakes. I don't have a beta on this (yet) but I was pumped to share this with you. I hope you'll take the time to review! I have several chapters pre-written so updates will be frequent. **


	2. Chapter 2

**WOW! I had so many people put the story on alert after the first chapter - thank you so much! I hope you continue to enjoy! I want to thank a good friend, Love-Tart. She was the one who really encouraged me to write in the first place. She's a dear friend and though we live miles and miles apart, I hold our friendship close to my heart. Thank you babe xo**

**Chapter 2**

The drive to the high school was a quiet one. I had planned on driving Charlotte to school as well but she was still mad at me and insisted she was going to walk instead. And Jake was pouting, an art acquired from living with three women, Bella being the master, because I wouldn't let him drive my BMW seven series. Also in part because he was nervous, I could tell by all the fidgeting he was doing. There was a big football game in three weeks against their biggest rival – the kid he'd gotten in the fight with was their captain - and depending on worst-case scenario, he could be forced to sit out the game, which I knew would be a tough pill for him to swallow.

The principal was known for being a hard ass. According to Jake, the rumor around school was that Principal Volturi used to be nice until his daughter, Jane, a student in Charlotte's grade, had an affair with a teacher the previous year. No charges were pressed (my Google search came up empty as well), but the teacher supposedly involved had gone on extended medical leave shortly after the rumor started.

As we sat on the chairs outside the principal's office, Jacob bounced his knee in anticipation. I looked over at my son and smirked, in that moment he reminded me of myself so much, although I'd gotten into trouble at a younger age. We both sported the shaggy hair that our mother's almost begged us to cut and the same nervous tendencies. Before I met Bella, I'd sat outside the principal's office with my father more times than I could count, which was part of the reason why my dad took the job at Fork's hospital - to get me away from the crowd I was running with.

God, we had some good times together, my buddies and I. One particular instance that came to mind was when we decided to get drunk before a dance. Tyler was in charge of getting us vodka because his older brother could bootleg, for a fee, of course, Ben was to get cups and my job was to bring the orange juice. At home I couldn't figure out how to smuggle the rather large OJ container out of the house without my mother noticing so I slipped a couple packages of Tang into my pocket, thinking I was pure genius. The three of us met up in the parking lot before the dance and Ty poured the alcohol into the cups and I stirred in the tang juice packet with my finger. Tyler and Ben told me I was brilliant because the crystals took up less room than the juice and we could therefore consume more of the vodka. We ceremoniously did cheers with our Styrofoam cups and chugged back the potent liquid. We were all feeling pretty good until we weren't. I'm still not sure which one of us threw up on the principal's shoes but either way, we were all hauled down to the office and had to wait for our parents to pick us up. My father had first read me the riot act for getting so wasted and then gave me the gears for thinking that Tang would cut the alcohol. The principal had been lenient on us that time, telling our parents that our excessive drinking would leave us with enough of a hang over that we weren't likely do it again anytime soon (very true) but did slap us with detention for a week. My home punishment was far worse – two weeks without television and a nine p.m. curfew on weekends.

Which was better than when Tyler and I had been caught high on weed at school. We'd stolen the joint from Tyler's brother and stupidity led us to believe we could get high at home, go to school and no one would notice. Perhaps we wouldn't have been caught if the damn munchies hadn't kicked in. Tyler excused himself from biology to use the restroom, and then proceeded to raid the vending machine, coming back into class with his arms overflowing with chocolate bars and several bags of chips. I snorted rather loudly, which set off Tyler's laughter and it escalated from there, leaving the two of us in hysterics for at least twenty minutes. Mr. Banner had to drag our giggling asses to the principals office and there we sat again. I still remember my father's face when he came to pick me up, he was red-faced and furious. Ty and I were suspended for a week, detention for two weeks, I had to come straight home after school for the next four weeks and had so many chores to do that I complained of slave labor. It was soon after that, we were on our way to Forks.

The jostling of Jacob's knee against mine brought me back to the present. I put on hand on his knee to still him and he looked up at me, smiling nervously. Shortly after that we were called into Principal Volturi's office. No wonder Jake was nervous, the man was a scary looking individual with a pasty white complexion, dark eyes and a stern look about him in general. I extended my hand to him over his mahogany desk; he took it and shook it limply. His skin felt paper frail under my touch and I resisted the urge to pull my hand away.

"I'm Edward Cullen, it's nice to meet you, Principal Volturi."

"Mr. Cullen, please take a seat beside your son."

"Yes, sir," I responded, feeling like a child myself. It was then that I started to be worried for my son. Jake and I sat side by side, our knees bouncing in synch.

"I understand that young Mr. Cullen thought it was wise to use his fists to settle a disagreement after school yesterday. Is that true?" He narrowed his eyes at Jacob and I felt him cower slightly. Silently, I willed him to be strong.

"Y-yes, but I was-"

"And this wasn't your first altercation with the boy?" As he asked, I raised an eyebrow because this was the first I'd heard of it.

"No, it wasn't. But-"

"So, the star of my football team, the captain who is supposed to inspire his entire team as well as set an example for the student body, thinks a fist fight is exemplary behavior."

"I was just-"

"What disciplinary action do you think is appropriate?" He directed his question to Jacob but I intervened first.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt, but perhaps Jacob could explain himself first before disciplinary action is discussed."

"I wasn't speaking to you, I was speaking to Jacob."

Excuse me?

"Well, I was asked to come to this meeting, and I took time away from my job to come here and I would like to hear what Jake has to say. Go ahead, son," I urged.

Jacob was torn, looking from me to Principal Volturi and back at me again. I gestured with my head that he should continue. He got all of three words out before he was interrupted again.

"Silence."

I clenched my jaw and my knee bounced up and down so forcefully - out of anger not nerves - that Jacob put his hand on my leg to calm me down.

"Mr. Cullen, I don't know what kind of home life your son is growing up in, but at our school, there is a zero tolerance for violence." The way he looked at me alluded that he believed our home life was less then desirable.

"Are you implying something about our home life?" I glared at him.

"You may take that however you wish, I was simply making an observation." He laced his fingers together on top of the desk, all pompous like.

"An incorrect observation. We have a very loving relationship, my wife, my children and I, thank you very much." I told him matter-of-fact.

"Ah, yes, that was rumor you were trying to dispel, wasn't it Jacob, the friendliness of your sister?" Jake was biting his tongue, scared to utter a word. "You may speak." He commanded; I wanted to reach across the desk and pummel Volturi's ass.

"Y-yes that is what the argument was about. Brady said he was going to, uh, deflower my sister and called her a name. Apparently Brady and Seth have a bet going about her and, yeah, she's my kid sister, I couldn't let them say that shi..stuff." Jacob shrugged.

I was shocked to hear that two boys had a bet over who was going to get in Charlotte's pants first. I was proud of Jacob for standing up for her and I knew Bella would be as well. Maybe a fist fight wasn't the best option, but kudos to him and I hoped that Brady kid was sporting a black eye. Obviously, I didn't say that in front of Mr. High and Mighty.

"Your intentions may have been good, Jacob, but your course of retaliation was not. Although neither of you were on school property during school hours, I simply can not let your extra curricular activity go unpunished. I have spoke to Principal Wolfe and we came to the conclusion that a fair and just penance would be the suspension of practice and four games for each of you." Jacob and I both knew that meant the big game – the one against Brady's school – was not affected and he let out his breath in a quiet whoosh.

"Thank you, sir." I was proud of Jake for having the common sense to be so polite, he certainly inherited that trait from Bella.

"That does not mean that I won't be watching you, Jacob. Any further infractions will result in a much more severe punishment, understood?"

"Yes, sir." Jacob was up and out of his chair rather quickly and Principal Volturi and I followed suit. That time the principal extended his hand to me and I looked at it blankly before I accepted the gesture.

"Mr. Cullen, thank you for coming in. I suspect you and your wife will also discipline your son and perhaps have a word with your daughter about her promiscuity."

From my peripheral vision, I saw Jacob tense up, mirroring my reaction. Calling my baby girl the equivalent of a tramp was the last straw. At my side, I held my hand out to keep Jacob at bay, telling him I had this. I squeezed Volturi's hand with far more force than necessary as I stared him down.

"If you consider commending my son for kicking that boy's ass and defending his sister's honor as discipline, then yes, we plan to do so. As for my daughter, do you have any tips for speaking to her about her promiscuity? I understand your daughter, Jane, got herself into some trouble last year. Parent to parent, maybe you could offer me some advice?"

I raised one knowing eyebrow at the principal and his face told me there was more truth to the rumor than he wanted anyone to know, especially a student like Jake with a big mouth. Volturi's eyes darted from mine to Jake's.

"N-no, advice, Mr. Cullen. Thank you for coming in. I don't expect any further trouble from your boy."

I nodded, knowing we had an understanding – I wouldn't mention his daughter to anyone and he wouldn't single Jake out for any minor infraction. I continued to stare at him in a silent warning that told him not fuck with my family again and he slightly coward in his seat.

"Jacob, let's go."

Like a puppy, Jake followed on my heels out the door, and I caught a glimpse of the smirk plastered on his face, a little swagger in his steps. That, he got from me – a chip off the old block. He had the common sense to keep his mouth shut until we were out of the office area and then he burst.

"Oh my God, Dad, that was epic! Did you see his face? The rumors about Jane are totally true! Wait 'til I tell everyone! I've never seen you so pissed before at someone besides me! It's much more fun when I'm not on the receiving end. Fucking awesome!" He threw his arm around my shoulders and bounded along beside me.

"Watch your language, Jake." I warned but I was grinning as well. "But, yeah, that was pretty good, wasn't it?"

"Hell yeah."

"Principal Volturi and I made an agreement in there Jake. You and I won't tell anyone about Jane and he won't bust your ass for stupid things."

"You guys never said that."

"It's all in the eyes, my boy, all in the eyes." Jake nodded and I ruffled the top of his head like he was six and he ducked away from me.

"This was your second run in with the boy? Why didn't you tell me? What happened?"

Jake shuffled his feet as we walked out of the building to the courtyard. "The first time was during a game, he was trash talking Char at the scrimmage line, you know trying to get me off my game. At the Pizza Pit afterwards, I accidentally spilled a pitcher of Coke on his head." Jake used air quotes when he said 'accidentally'. I chuckled because it was so immature yet funny all the same and was something I totally would have done back in the day.

As we walked, we spotted his girlfriend across the courtyard at the same time. Jake got a goofy grin on his face and his eyes lit up as she started towards us. I recognized that look as the same one I got every time Bella walked into a room. If Jacob was anything like me, I knew then that he was in love.

One of my fondest memories of Bella – besides our wedding and the birth of our children – was the day we first said I love you to each other which was also the day we lost our virginity. Bella and I had been dating for six months and still hadn't done it. We had done everything else, and very well I should add, but not the actual deed.

I had arrived at school a bit later than usual because my hair had a mind of it's own. It took a lot of time and skill to make my hair look like I was a slap in gel and go type guy. Anyways, as I got to school that day, Bella spotted me, waved and walked toward me cutting across the parking lot and I'd sported a lopsided grin similar to Jacob's. The sun was shining on Bella's face, bathing it in a soft glow; her long, chestnut hair was blown around by the wind and she reached up to tuck a piece behind her ear as she made her way to me. Just looking at Bella Swan made me ridiculously happy.

"Look at you," Carlisle mocked. "You love her, don't you?"

"So what if I do?" I did but I hadn't said that to her yet, it felt too scary of a thing to admit.

"Nothing, it's cool. Have you told her yet?"

I shook my head no just as Bella reached me. Carlisle gave me a look that told me I should bite the bullet and tell her as he took off to meet up with Esme. Pulling my girl into my arms, I stared deep into her soulful brown eyes for a long while. I think I freaked her out a bit because she pushed against my chest and looked nervous.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?" She asked.

"Because I love you."

"You do?" Bella smiled as she questioned me.

"Yes, I do." I kissed her again, ignoring the warning bell that indicated students should be on their way to their first class. Bella kissed me back, her tongue fervent in my mouth. When we broke apart we were standing in the parking lot alone as everyone else had gone into the school. I kind of wished people were around because I wanted to shout it out to everyone that I loved her.

"I love you and I want to show you how much." I cocked her an eyebrow and she nodded, grabbed my hand and pulled me back to my car.

"My dad's at work, we could go there?" She suggested but there was no way I could do it there. All I needed was for the neighbors to see my car out front during school hours and put in a call to the chief of police. I had visions of Charlie coming home while we were in the middle of the act, chasing me out of his house, gun poised at my ass, as I ran out into the street with my pants around my ankles.

"Let's go to my house. My dad's doing a twelve hour shift at the hospital and my mom's at work." I suggested.

Bella pulled her lower lip into her mouth and nodded. Shit, we were really going to do it; I hoped I didn't fuck up. I mean, screw it up. Gah, I just wanted to do everything right to make it special for Bella.

Fumbling with my car keys, I barely managed to get them into the ignition. After I got the car started, I took off like a bat out of hell back to my house. At home, I parked in the garage (just in case Chief was out doing patrols) and led Bella upstairs to my room. There she asked for a minute alone in the bathroom, which I gladly gave her, needing a few moments to myself as well. Then I tried to set the mood. I closed my blinds, turned off my overhead light and turned on my bedside lamp, wishing I'd had some candles or something. I snuck into Carlisle room to steal a condom and set it on my night table so I didn't have to fumble around later. Next, my internal debate was how I should be dressed – clothes on so Bella could remove them or take them off so I was ready to go. In the end, Bella came back to my room before I could decide.

I slowly stood up from where I sat on the edge of the bed as she walked into my room and closed the door behind her, leaning against it.

"Hi." I said quietly.

"Hi."

There were no other words, no sounds but the frantic thumping of our hearts. We were both nervous which somehow made me feel better. I was rooted to the floor like a dumb ass and was thankful that Bella found the courage to cross the room to me and pressed her lips to mine in a sweet kiss that reassured me that everything was going to be fine. When she pulled away she looked into my eyes like I had looked into hers back at school.

"I love you, too."

Those words set us in motion. We stood a foot apart and took off our own clothes, letting them drop wordlessly to the floor until we were standing naked. I laid her down on my twin bed and took special care to bring her to orgasm with my fingers first, knowing it was likely the only way she'd get one that day. As I pushed into her, I saw pain flicker across her face but more than that, I saw love and I knew at that point, without a doubt, she was my forever. Five minutes later, it was all over. Okay, I'm being generous, it was more like two minutes, but it still ranks as one of my all time, top ten rounds of sex ever. Afterwards, I collapsed on her chest, breathless and fatigued while Bella uttered over and over again that she loved me as she ran her fingers in my hair. I was sixteen, close enough in age to my son who was at my side, looking at Rachel like she was his forever.

I nudged Jake's arm as we watched his girlfriend walking toward us.

"How are you and Rachel, by the way? Anything new to report?" I asked casually.

"Dad! I'm at school. I can't talk about that here." He lowered his voice and blushed a little as he glanced around to make sure no one overheard.

"Maybe we can talk tonight?"

"Yeah, sure, maybe. Hey, Baby." He ignored me and threw his arms around his girlfriend and gave her a kiss that was a hell of a lot hotter than I thought he knew how to do. Dare I say, I was impressed. They broke apart after a while and Rachel greeted me.

"Hey, Mr. C. How are ya?" Rachel asked as she kept herself close to Jacob's side.

"I'm good, Rachel. You?"

She nodded as a response and turned back to Jake. "How was it with Volturi?"

"Totally sweet. My dad totally put him in his place, you should have seen it. And Jane-"

"Jake." I interrupted with a stern voice. "We talked about keeping that on the down low, remember?" I smiled at Rachel, hoping my good looks and charm would make her forget what Jake had said. Unfortunately, I forgot I was a forty plus year old man, not a kid her age, and the flirty smile made me look like a pervert. Rachel looked at me like I was nuts and she took a step closer to my son.

Jake mumbled an apology and went on to tell Rachel about his suspension. It was then that I saw Charlotte, leaning against the east side of the building, smoking a cigarette which, unfortunately, was the least of my worries. She had taken ballet for years and had a dancer's body with long legs with a lean torso. And boobs. From across the courtyard, all I could see were legs and boobs. Right then, I wished Bella and I had enrolled her in marshmallow eating contests instead of dance competitions.

"Gotta go, buddy. See you at home after school." I told Jake as I headed in my daughter's direction. She was so preoccupied with texting someone, cigarette dangling from her lips, that she didn't see me coming. I stopped in front of her and Charlotte was still oblivious. I grabbed the cigarette from her lips, tossed it to the pavement and ground it out with my foot.

"Hey!" She protested then her green eyes went wide as she realized it was me. "Oh fuck."

"Oh fuck is right, sweetheart. I thought I told you to change." I glanced down at what she'd deemed appropriate for school – the same tight, ratty shirt as this morning but now paired with low-rise, tight jeans and over the knee black boots with a three inch heel. No wonder Volturi was concerned with her promiscuity, at that point, so was I.

"I did change." She protested and I couldn't help it, I rolled my eyes at her.

"Charlotte Anne Cullen, what am I going to do with you? Do you know if you bend over you'll be flashing everyone your underwear?"

"Good thing I'm not wearing any." She took notice of my shocked face and quickly continued. "Kidding, kidding. Relax, I've got a thong on, all the good parts are covered."

"A thong? You're fifteen!" I choked out then wondered what exactly she meant by 'the good parts.' I felt another ten hair follicles turn grey.

"Oh, Daddy!" The way she said it made me feel like the least cool father on the planet. The bell rang right then and she started to walk away from me. I unzipped my jacket and held it out to her.

"For me, will you put this on? Please?" It was futile but worth a try.

"You and I both know I'll wear that until you are out of sight and then I'll ditch it in my locker. Gotta go." With that she gave me a quick peck on my cheek and went to her first class. I called out after her.

"Right home after school, we need to have a talk." Charlotte waved her hand in the air, a gesture that said 'fine', 'fuck you' and 'farewell' in all. I should know, I invented that wave - it sure sucked to raise yourself.

After the morning I'd had, I decided I needed a very strong coffee. I got in my car and drove to the closest Starbucks, toting my laptop into the coffee shop with me. When it was my turn to order, I requested a venti, triple shot, half foam, double whip, non-fat, soy cappuccino with a half shot of hazelnut, in a tall cup. Oh wait, that wasn't me, that was the pretentious fuck in front of me. I ordered coffee - plain, black, hot coffee. I sat at a table, opened my MacBook and drummed my fingers keyboard as I stared off into space. I was trying to come up with an outline for a new story and the first thing I needed to do was come up with the two main characters in my head.

My leading men were always smooth operators, not sickeningly, but enough so that my female readers could swoon over someone so sweet and romantic. He always knew what to say in a way that came across as genuine and caring. Jasper hated my books always telling Alice that men like that didn't exist. He was convinced E.A. Masen was a bitter old woman who hadn't gotten laid in years. She wrote stories of unattainable men to ruin it for the rest of the female population. We were sitting around in our kitchen after dinner one evening when Bella defended me, well, she defended the author.

"Maybe this E.A. Masen is just someone who understands what women want, what women deserve and writes from the heart." I had stroked my chin thoughtfully as she continued. "Maybe life isn't always perfect but I like to think mine is pretty close to that." Bella looked at me and smiled while Alice laughed.

"Well, maybe Edward's all romantic like those characters but come on, Bella, the sex? No one has sex like that." As Alice complained I quietly took a sip of my wine, my eyes locking with Bella's across the table and I winked at her which caused her cheeks to flush pink.

"That stupid author has ruined it for the rest of us. Our sexual activity is pretty damn good there, baby. Sorry I can't compete with twice a night, I'm not a fictional character. And wall sex? Pffffff, who does that? I mean, you have to hold her up and fuck at the same time? Whatever." Jasper pushed his chair away from the table.

"Wall sex is possible, I mean, I think it could be. You'd have to have a good grip, I imagine you'd have to use the wall as leverage. And I suspect it's a fast fuck, you know, you couldn't carry the weight and maintain thrusting for all that long." I looked around the table after I finished speaking. Bella was full-on blushing, Jasper had one eyebrow raised and Alice looked impressed. "What do I know though, I'm just throwing it out there for argument's sake."

Wall sex. Damn it, now I was sitting in Starbucks remembering the incredibly hot sex Bella and I had as soon as Jasper and Alice left that night. Wall sex was definitely possible, although it wasn't just a fast fuck, it was a fast, furious and fantastic fuck.

I had been toying with the idea of making my next leading man more of a bad boy, one who didn't treat women with respect but they fell in love with him anyways. Perhaps, he had a sexual penchant for some S&M type activity. Oh, the research that would have to be done for the story could take me months. I smirked to myself thinking of the things Bella and I could try: spanking, blindfolds, more wall sex. Nodding to myself, I started on some basic plot ideas and toyed around with character names which was the hardest part for me.

It was two hours later that I finally packed up my stuff, ready to meet Rosalie at the office to discuss my idea. She was my first sounding board on all my stories and I hoped I could sell her on this one. It was a far cry from my usual plots but I thought I could pull it off without it coming across as pure porn. I hoped.

Rosalie was an easy sell. She loved the idea and told me she saw another best seller on the horizon. I explained it may take me longer than usual to put the whole story together because I needed to do some research on some mild S&M. Knowing full well what my research entailed, she wished me good luck with a wink. I left her office with a smile on my face and ideas racing through my head.

Unfortunately, research would have to wait. First things first, I had to get some laundry in, start dinner and the house needed to be vacuumed in a bad way. When I went to start the load of towels I noticed I was missing more than a few so I ventured to the second floor to retrieve what the kids had obviously left in their rooms. I wrinkled my nose as I walked into Jake's room which smelled of teenaged boy with a hint of Axe body spray. Thank God my room hadn't smelled that bad or Bella and I never would have had sex that fateful day. There was one towel in Jacob's room, and more than a few pairs of socks that could have easily walked themselves downstairs to the washer. Nasty.

Leah's room was immaculate, she was my daughter after all. I pushed the door to Charlotte's room open and shook my head at the clothes, make up and purses strewn about. There were four towels in her room, all in a damp heap at the side of her bed. I pulled one from under her bed and a journal of some sort came with it. For a fleeting moment, I thought maybe my baby girl was going to follow in her old man's foot steps and was going to be a writer; that the journal was filled with poetry and prose. Okay, I totally knew it was her diary but that didn't stop me from opening it; I flipped through a few of the pages, reading snippets here and there. Nothing out of the ordinary, the usual teen angst over a caddy comment someone had said, doodles of hearts, flowers and vines in pink gel pen. I flipped to the last page that was dated today. She'd obviously written in it before school.

_Dad's such an ass. He has no idea what it's like to be fifteen, maybe because it was a hundred years ago since he's so freaking OLD!_

I frowned to myself because I remembered being fifteen all too well. The anger I felt towards my own parents was forgiven but still present in my memory. I also frowned at the three exclamation points after the word 'old'. Jeez, kiddo, I wasn't that ancient.

_He is still pissed about seeing me with Seth, which is completely ridiculous since we're so NOT having sex._

Oh, thank God.

_I mean, obviously I want to but what if we got caught? I'd be mortified! If I thought the vein in dad's forehead was going to rupture when he saw me in my outfit this morning, imagine if he caught me having sex. Oh my God, it would burst for sure. I'll probably end up losing my virginity in a car but there is no way I am doing it at home like Jake and Leah, that's just stupid._

Excuse me, what did she mean 'like Jake and Leah'? What the fuck? Okay, Jake didn't exactly surprise me, especially after seeing him and Rachel together earlier but Leah? She'd said James wanted to wait until they were married, when had all that changed? And Charlotte, I didn't want my baby girl to have sex at all but especially not in the back seat of a car on the side of the road somewhere. I scrubbed my hand across my face as I tried to absorb this new information and felt the vein Charlotte had mentioned – she was right, it was going to rupture because I was pretty sure I was going to have an aneurism.

Closing the journal, I realized there were some things I were better off not knowing. The problem was I DID know and I had to tell Bella but how could I tell her what knew without revealing my source? She would be pissed at me for invading Charlotte's privacy even if it was kind of, sort of by accident. And how was I going to approach the sex topic with all three kids separately and not let anything on? I pushed the journal back under her bed, left the towels on the floor as well and went to my office to pace while I planned my next course of action, glass of scotch in my hand to calm my nerves.

**Thanks for reading. I'm not planning on having any cliffhangers - hoping each chapter can wrap things up. We'll see how I do. Until next time!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the reviews on the last two chapters. I'm glad you're all liking older Daddy-ward.**

**Chapter 3**

It was a rarity that we were all home to eat dinner together. But without football practice, Jake was home, Leah's class was let out early and Charlotte had been told that Bella and I wanted to speak to her so she was home, sulking in her room because, apparently, being home on a Friday night was the end of the world.

Before dinner, Bella and I had a few minutes alone in the kitchen, working side by side making fresh salsa for the quesadillas and rice I'd prepared. So many evenings we had that time together and were able to chat about our day, a tradition that had been going on for many years that we both enjoyed.

"So, I kind of did something bad today," I confessed, then glanced over at Bella, gauging her reaction.

"Something bad like you bought a new car without talking to me or something bad like you gave yourself some relief since I left you blue ballin' it this morning?" She smirked and I chuckled because she knew me well.

"More along the lines of I read Charlotte's diary." It came out more as a question. Bella put down the knife she was using and looked at me.

"Edward." She shook her head but her tone said it all and I felt ashamed.

"It was totally by accident, I swear."

"Something like that isn't an accident and I don't want to know what you read." She picked up her knife, finished chopping up the cilantro and put it in the bowl with my diced tomatoes, onions and jalapenos.

"You don't want to know?" I asked incredulously. She always did have more restraint than I did.

"No, I don't. That's an invasion of her privacy. Those are her personal thoughts. Besides, I'm sure it was the usual teenaged woe is me dribble about how we've ruined her life anyways."

"It was more along the line of Leah and Jake are having sex."

The knife clanged on the counter top as Bella exclaimed.

"What?"

"Not together, obviously. Leah and James and Jake and Rachel are having sex. At home. Meaning they are having sex in their beds, or God forbid, on my couch." I pointed to the living room and shuddered. "Thank God, Charlotte isn't but she wants to."

With disgust, I told Bella about the bet Brady and Seth had and she shook her head, calling the boys a string of foul words. Personally, I thought it was all talk, boys being boys and Bella shrugged at that possibility. I divulged seeing Charlotte with the cigarette in her mouth, even though we'd both suspected she was smoking because Bella had found a cigarette butt in her pocket a few weeks prior. Char had insisted she was 'holding it for a friend' – the kid was a terrible liar – another trait she inherited from me. The only thing Bella wasn't concerned about that bothered me was the thong underwear. My wife insisted it wasn't a sexy thing but more of a panty line thing that I wouldn't understand and I didn't because I couldn't see how a string up your ass could be comfortable.

I told Bella about seeing Jacob with Rachel and how the look on his face told me that he loved her and that I wasn't surprised they had consummated their relationship. Bella was just as surprised as I was about Leah and James, though, since she had been adamant that they were waiting until marriage, whenever that was.

"What do we do now?" I asked, hoping Bella would have the answers like she always did.

"Well, first we need to talk to Charlotte, we can't put that off. Leah and Jacob are both in a steady relationship and as much as I don't want my children to be having sex, at least I know who they are doing it with. I think Char just wants to have sex because her friends are or maybe because kissing and all the other things feel good and she wants more."

I made a face and Bella called me out on it.

"Come on, you know damn well how good everything feels when you are fifteen/sixteen and experimenting."

"I know but this is different. She's my baby girl, Bella." My heart felt like it was being crushed. Bella pulled me into a hug and I let her comfort me like only she could.

"No one said parenting was easy, Edward. It's definitely the hardest job ever. At least we're in this together."

As we embraced, Jake walked into the kitchen and loudly balked, interrupting us.

"Ewww, do you guys have to do that here?" He grabbed a can of coke from the fridge and left before I could kiss Bella and make it really uncomfortable for him.

"What about him?" I asked as we finished up the dinner prep.

"I think we need to tell Jake we are assuming he and Rachel are having intercourse and make sure he's using protection." Bella took the salsa bowl and set it on the dining table as I brought over the warmed quesadillas.

"I'll go to the market tomorrow and stock up on bananas, just in case." I teased. "And Leah? What should we do about her?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders. "She's almost twenty, Edward, her and James have been together for two years. What guy do you know who would wait two years?"

I stared at her across the table. "I would have waited that long and then some for you, my love." I told her sincerely and Bella smiled at me.

"But we didn't, we were sixteen."

"We were far too young." I said matter of fact as Bella called the kids to the table for dinner.

At dinner, Charlotte said nothing verbally but her glaring eyes told me I was currently her least favorite person in the world. Simply to annoy her, I smiled and winked at her several times until Bella nudged my arm and gave me a look that told me to knock it off. Charlotte snorted like she'd won and I resisted sticking my tongue out at her. Sometimes being the bigger person sucked.

Usually Leah would chat excitedly about one of her classes – she was going to be a teacher like her mom – but the past, I don't know, two weeks, she had been more reserved. She'd said James was busy and that was why we hadn't seen him around and I guessed not seeing him was bringing her down. Jacob grumbled loudly about missing practice and the next four games but agreed that he was lucky he wasn't going to miss the big match up and planned to take his revenge out on the field.

Between Charlotte's huffing, Leah's frowning and Jake's grumbling, dinner was a quiet affair. The joke was on them, though, because I quite enjoyed the huffing, frowning and grumbling to the bickering and nit picking that usually went on. Bella and I chatted but mostly we just enjoyed the peace and quiet.

After the meal, we asked Jacob and Leah to clean up the dishes and took a scowling Charlotte into the living room for a chat, closing the French doors for privacy.

Bella and Char sat together on the couch. Having a visual in my head of Jake doing the nasty on my microfiber sofa, I made the decision to sit opposite in the leather recliner instead.

Charlotte folded her arms across her chest, clenched her jaw and looked anywhere but at me. Thankfully, Bella started the conversation.

"So, your dad and I thought it was time we talked to you about sex."

"Oh my God, Seth and I weren't doing anything!" Charlotte protested loudly.

"We believe you, Charlotte, but it was an eye-opener for us that you may be ready to have intercourse in the near future and we wanted to talk to you about it first." I let Bella continue talking since she was doing so well.

"I know how it all works. Penis into vagina. Got it. Can I go now?" Charlotte went to stand up and Bella pulled her back to sit down. I shuddered as I heard my baby girl say the words 'penis into vagina'.

"It's not just penis into vagina," Bella repeated and I shuttered again. I guess she couldn't exactly say 'cock into pussy' in front of our daughter but it sure would have made it easier for me. "Sex is so much more than that, sweetie. You have to be mindful of using protection every time as well. It's not up to the boy to know how to put on a condom, you need to know as well."

"If you do a demo, I'm bolting!" Charlotte blushed. "You do know we take sex ed. classes in school, right? And there are condom dispensers in the washrooms?"

What the hell? Shit, that would have been convenient when I was a kid but now that it was my children who had access to them so readily, I was going to write a letter of complaint. All kids should have to go through the embarrassment of buying their first box of condoms from the pharmacy and get the look from the cashier as you counted out your cash to pay for it, trying desperately and failing, at looking like you aren't mortified in the least.

"If you do have sex you also have to be ready for some very grown up consequences as well. If you got pregnant, are you ready to raise a baby?" Bella asked.

"No, but that's why we'd use condoms." She informed us like we were stupid.

"Great, that's what we'd expect. Remember, once you are sexually active, you need to see your doctor yearly for a pap test. Do you know what that is? Was it explained in your sex ed. classes?" Bella was going for scare tactics now; pulling out the big guns. God, I loved her.

Charlotte shook her head no. "I've heard of it but not really sure what it is."

"Well, you're naked from the waist down, covered with a paper sheet. You put your feet up in stirrups and the doctor inserts a metal speculum into the opening of your vagina so that the cervix can be examined. Then he takes a small brush to collect cells from the cervix, which is where your vagina ends." While Bella explained the procedure, she put her legs up, mimicking the exam, then used her hands to symbolize the speculum opening up. It was enough to make me very thankful for my penis and Charlotte looked as though she wished she had one as well. I cleared my throat, preparing to speak.

"Boys aren't always honest in their feelings, either, sweetie. Sometimes guys pay more attention to you just to get you to do stuff." I offered and Charlotte looked down at her hands; I hoped she knew what I was getting at. "Don't let anyone pressure you into sex. Just because you know people who are having sex, doesn't mean you have to. There are lots of other …. _avenues_ you can take before you do it."

"Well, we could have taken those _avenues_ if my father hadn't barged into my room to interrupt us." She cocked me an eyebrow. In that moment I was wondering what happened to masturbating to the Sears catalogue. Wait, did girls even do that?

"It's fine that you and Seth were experimenting. It feels good and it's healthy. I want you to experience orgasms without having sex." Bella said.

I blinked a few times and gave her a 'what the fuck' look. She ignored me and continued.

"Masturbation is a very healthy way to find out what feels good."

Charlotte and I both squirmed in our chairs. I was surprised as how much braver Bella was than when we'd had the talk with Leah and Jacob years before. She was coming off as a natural, too natural. I needed to steer the conversation away from masturbation and mutual masturbation before my daughter and I died of embarrassment.

"Charlotte, sex is so much more involved than just the physical act of intercourse with another person. Your mom and I want you to be ready emotionally. Physically, yes, you could have sex but emotionally, I don't know. You only lose your virginity once, it really is a gift you give the other person. Decades from now when you get married, do you want to remember that you gave your virginity to some pimple faced kid named Seth when you were fifteen? It may not feel that important right now, but it really is a big deal." I hoped I made sense.

Charlotte's face almost softened, like she understood I was as embarrassed as she was and I felt the tension in the room ease off.

"I like Seth." Char shrugged as she pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs.

"I like baseball." I told her. "But I love your mom. I love that she's the only one I've ever been with." I smiled at Bella.

"You were each other's firsts?" Charlotte looked surprised.

"We were. It's pretty special to me too, to know you're dad has only done that with me."

"Did you wait until you were married?"

"We're not saying you have to wait until you're married. We know that's not realistic." I explained, skirting around the question. "Although, personally, I would love if you waited until then."

"So, you guys didn't wait." Charlotte stated.

"Uh, no we didn't." I told her truthfully.

"How old were you?"

I wanted to say twenty-five but Bella told her honestly.

"We were sixteen. Looking back, we both agree we were too young."

Charlotte was quiet for a minute. "I just want boys to like me. Jake's the captain of the football team, his girlfriend is gorgeous and popular. Leah's so pretty and dating a guy who's going to be a doctor. I'm nothing, I'm just boring Charlotte Cullen. I thought if I, you know, did stuff with boys, they'd like me more."

I got off my chair and sat down on the couch beside her, wrapping my arm around her shoulders.

"You know what I think? I think you will like yourself more if you don't rush into something you may regret later. Any boy who doesn't respect that you aren't ready for sex, really isn't worth your time." I kissed the top of her head, which smelled faintly of strawberries.

Charlotte snuggled up to my chest and I saw her wipe away a few tears. I smiled, not because she was crying, but because it was nice to have my baby girl back, if only for a minute. Stroking her hair, I tucked her in closer and reveled in holding her close, it felt like such a long time since I'd done that. I don't know how long we stayed like that but I enjoyed every second of it. After a while, Charlotte pulled away from me and cuddled up to her mom. Bella's eyes misted with tears and I knew she had missed the closeness they had once shared.

"So, does this mean I can have boys up in my room to, you know, experiment?" Char asked hopefully.

"No," Bella said and I corrected her.

"That would be a HELL NO."

Charlotte shrugged. "Worth a try."

"Now, can we talk about your choice of clothing and the smoking?" I asked.

"You know what, Dad, I think I've had enough for one day. Maybe you can yell at me about them some other time." She smiled sheepishly. I held out my hand and she shook it.

"Deal on the clothes but the smoking, no. If I catch you with another cigarette in that pretty little mouth of yours, you will be without your phone for a very long time. Understood?"

"Yes, Daddy. Can I go now? I have to call Seth and tell him I'm not sneaking out tonight to have sex in the back of his mom's Volvo." I choked on my spit and Bella patted me on the back. "I'm just kidding. Jeez, Dad, you should get a sense of humor."

"You can go," Bella told her. "But remember that you can come to us to talk about anything, sex related or otherwise, at any time. Okay?"

Charlotte nodded, kissed us both on the cheek and left us alone in the living room.

"Do you think we got through to her about waiting?" Bella asked as she moved closer to me.

"Who knows, I hope so. There's so much pressure on kids now to do it."

Bella agreed. "I think the talk went well, though."

"Did you really have to mention masturbation though? Really?"

"It's a natural thing, Edward. For goodness sake, YOU still masturbate."

"Only when you deny me or if the damn kids interrupt us like they did this morning."

Bella smirked. "So, you masturbated after you got home today?"

I shrugged. "Don't worry, I can still have another round tonight, don't you worry."

"Oh, baby, with you, I never worry. You're like a fictional character." She laughed at her pun. "How was the rest your day, did you meet up with Rosalie?"

I told her about the new plot I was working on and how Rose thought it was going to be another hit. We both laughed when Bella said Jasper was going to hate E.A. Masen even more when he found out that the new main character Alice would obsess over could be a total prick to women and they'd still fall in love with him. It made me want to write the story all the more.

"You know, I'll have to do some interesting research for the story. Maybe have to blindfold you, tie you up."

"Oh really?" Bella looked intrigued. "It may also be helpful if I reciprocated, you know so you could write from the other point of view."

A smile spread across my lips as I remembered a time when Bella had tied me to the bed and my eyes glazed over as I was transported back in time.

_"Is that a new scarf?" I had asked as Bella and I were getting ready to go out. We were having dinner with Rosalie and Emmett. We'd been married for just over a year at that point, and still squabbling about money._

_Bella glared at me as she tied the scarf around her neck as an accessory. "It didn't cost much, so don't worry about it."_

_"Actually, I was just going to say it looks pretty on you." It was a turquoise blue, one of my favorite colors on her. I sat down on the edge of the bed to put my shoes on, trying to get away from the murderous look she was giving me._

_Before I knew what was happening, Bella had pushed me back and climbed on top me, kissing me passionately._

_"Woah!" I said when we finally broke apart. "What was that for?"_

_"For being the best husband ever." She started kissing down my neck._

_"What brought this on?" Mind you, I didn't really care if that was how she was going to thank me._

_"I've just been feeling off lately. I've gained some weight, I'm looking older." Bella shrugged. "It's nice to hear you say I'm pretty."_

_"You aren't just pretty, you are beautiful. And you haven't gained an ounce. Thin as ever." I ghosted my hands down her sides._

_Tears welled up in her big, brown eyes and spilled down her cheeks. I remember looking at her like she was nuts but said nothing about it and reminded her that we had to get going if we were going to make across town to Emmett and Rose's house in time. Bella wiped her tears away and shook her head no._

_"I don't want to go. Rosalie is always so gorgeous and I feel frumpy in whatever I wear, especially around her." She pouted._

_I kissed her and reminded her that she was equally as stunning, if not more so. Somehow, one hundred and fifteen pound Bella managed to maneuver me up to the head of the bed so that my back was resting against the headboard. To this day, I have no idea how that even happened. The next thing I knew, Bella had taken off the scarf and tied both my hands above my head and secured them to the headboard. Yeah, I probably could have gotten out of it but I sure as hell didn't want to. Bella pulled down the zipper on my jeans, freed my cock and gave me a ridiculously amazing blow job, made even better by the fact that I couldn't touch her. She stopped after a torturous few minutes and stood up so she could peel off her dress before she straddled me again. The sex was amazing, as per usual, but afterwards, Bella sobbed into my chest. I wanted to wrap my arms around her to comfort her but it turned out the knots she'd tied were tighter than I gave her credit for. Finally, she heard my pleas, lifted her tear stained face and released my hands. When I asked why she was crying, she told me she had no idea. I suspected it was PMS related but knew better than to say that to her._

_We finally made it to dinner, which turned into a special occasion because Emmett and Rosalie announced they were expecting. Bella started bawling again and excused herself to use the restroom._

_"Sorry guys, must be PMS, she's been really emotional today. She thinks she's not pretty, says she's fat. You know how it goes." I took a bite of my steak but noticed Rose and Em exchanging looks before Rosalie excused herself to check on Bella._

_"Could she be pregnant?" Emmett asked as soon as Rose left. Suddenly the steak in my mouth tasted bad._

_"What? Why would you even say that?" I asked after I choked it down._

_"Has she been especially moody? Barking at you one minute, loving you the next?" Emmett lowered his voice. "Crying after sex."_

_"Uh, yeah."_

_"Has she been sick lately?"_

_"She had the stomach flu for a few days last week." It was the stomach flu, wasn't it?_

_Emmett grinned from ear to ear. "Looks like you may become a daddy at the same time as me, my friend."_

_I stared at him with an open mouth. Was it possible? We'd been careful, most of the time. There was one little tryst of obnoxious wall sex (again) where there wasn't time for a condom but, naaaa, gravity would have been working against those swimmers. As I was shaking my head, Bella and Rosalie walked back into the dining room._

_"So, what are you doing next April?" Rosalie had asked as Bella held up a pregnancy test. I didn't need to see it to know it was positive._

_"Holy fucking shit."_

_Yes, those were my profound words when I found out I was going to be a father for the first time. Actually, I think I said that when I found out about Jacob and Charlotte too._

_On the way home that night, we picked up four more pregnancy tests and all were positive. I was in shock but also excited. As we laid in bed that night I laughed._

_"Can you believe that our little peapod was conceived from wall sex?" I shook my head and Bella had started bawling again saying we should have conceived our first born in a more romantic way. And she certainly didn't find it amusing when I suggested we name the baby Walter, Wally for short, if we had a boy._

Bella's voice reminded me that twenty-years had passed since then.

"I know what you're remembering."

I smirked and leaned in to kiss her, my hand caressing her breast lightly. The sound of someone gagging made us break apart, my hand still in a precarious position.

"God, gross you guys." Jake complained as he flopped down on a chair and grabbed the remote. He turned on the Mariners game and tossed the remote aside. Realizing there was no time like the present to talk to child number two about sex, I grabbed the remote and turned the television off.

"Hey! What'd you do that for?" He glared at me and reached for the remote as I held it away from him.

"Can we talk for a minute?" I asked as I put the remote back down on the coffee table.

"Yeah, sure. What's up?" He turned himself around to face us, dangling his long legs over the arm of the chair.

"How are things with Rachel?" I asked casually. Jake grinned and his dark eyes lit up at her name.

"Good, really good." He nodded emphatically.

"She's a sweet girl." Bella offered.

"That she is."

"And she makes you happy. I saw the way you looked at her at school today."

"Fuck, yeah. Sorry, I mean yes, she does. It's weird, it's like my heart starts beating faster when she's around. I want to do good in school and sports to impress her. And she's always on my mind. Always." I smiled because he was describing how I used to feel about Bella. How I did feel about Bella. Being in her arms always felt like I was home, no matter where we were. The mere sound of her voice when I was having a stressful time could calm me down. And the touch of her hand any where on my body gave me shivers – the good kind.

"You think I'm crazy, don't you? You guys think I'm too young to know what I'm feeling. But I think, no, I KNOW, that I'm in love with her. And you know what else? One day, I'm going to marry that girl." Jake spoke with such conviction, I had no doubt.

"I thought you were going to marry me?" Bella pouted and I chuckled.

"Well, since I can't marry you, I think I've found the next best thing in Rach." He playfully winked at his mom.

"Can we assume you two are sexually active?" I asked and Jake blushed.

"Uh, yeah. Have been for a while, actually."

Confirmation – I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

"Are you using protection?" Bella asked and I was surprised she was holding it together considering we just found out our son was actually doing more than just experimenting.

"Yes, we use a condom every time. See Dad, your garage banana condom speech paid off." I nodded, proud that he got something useful out of the conversation.

"You won't tell her parents will you? I think her father would kill me, he doesn't like me very much." I snorted.

"No father likes the guy who's dating and or having sex with his daughter, trust me." I laughed.

"Did Grandpa Swan not like you?"

Bella laughed that time. "Let's just say Grandpa Swan wasn't your dad's biggest fan."

Yeah, that was an understatement, more like he hated my guts back in the day. For one, I was dating his only daughter. And his dislike may or may not stemmed from an unfortunate incident where he caught me with my hands up her shirt, raging boner in my pants. Even thinking about that day brought the blush to my cheeks.

Bella and been dating for maybe a month so our make out sessions were still fairly chaste. Lots of tonsil hockey and me groping her boobs over her shirt. I couldn't help it that I was a boob man, still was. We'd been parked outside her house saying goodnight in my car for probably twenty minutes, nothing unusual there. Bella had a ten o'clock curfew so one eye was on the clock while we made out.

"You can touch me, you know, under my shirt," she'd whispered. I gulped as I hesitated before I slipped both hands under her crop top and almost came in my pants when I had them in my sweaty palms. We continued to kiss while I caressed her, albeit a bit awkwardly. Eventually, I grew braver and pulled the cups of her bra down so I could feel her bare breasts and we both groaned into each other's mouth as my hands touched the supple skin, her nipples perked. As my thumbs brushed over them repeatedly, I'd grown so hard and was actually squirming in my seat form the discomfort – my first real and very painful - experience with blue balls.

Without warning, there was a loud tap-tap-tap on the drivers window and I froze. I pulled my lips away from Bella and cursed as my heart raced with panic.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. Please tell me that's not your father." I closed my eyes, wishing I were somewhere else. Even the fiery pit of hell would have been a better option.

"It's worse. It's my father and he's still in uniform, which means he still has his gun on him." My hands pulled out from under her shirt and I sat straight in my seat. I manually rolled down my window, trying my best to play it cool even though I was going to piss my pants. The only thing that prevented that was the erection I had that was not going away, despite being scared shitless.

"Hi, uh, Bella's dad, Mr. Swan, Chief, I mean. I was, uh, just, uh, bringing Bella home."

"Bella inside now." In an instant, she was out of the car and ran around to where he stood.

"Don't kill him, daddy." I heard her quietly beg before she went inside the house leaving me alone with Charlie and his gun. Her words weren't very reassuring.

"Step out of the car, Edward"

I took a deep breath and did as I was told, closing the drivers door behind me. As Charlie leaned in close, his face mere inches from mine, I pressed up against the door, trying to gain some distance between us, a futile attempt. The worst part was he didn't say a word for a long time, instead his eyes bore into me in silent interrogation like only a cop's can do. I was ready to confess to having my hands up her shirt along with a hundred other sins I had committed since birth.

"Uh, Sir, I should probably be on my way, my parents will notice if I don't come home." I thought it wise to put that out there so he knew if I went missing, someone would come looking for me.

"Edward, I was a young man once, I know exactly what's going on in your head." He tapped my skull with his finger, hard. "The advantage I have over all the other fathers here is that I am the police chief of this town, I have eyes and ears all over Forks. I am also legally permitted to carry a weapon and believe me, my shot is spot on. You hurt my baby girl, I will retaliate and it won't be pretty. Have I made myself clear?"

I managed to croak out 'crystal' in a prepubescent sounding voice as a response. Chief stepped back and allowed me to get back into my car. Honestly, I felt lucky to have gotten off with my balls in tact. He could have easily had me arrested for indecent exposure for the raging boner I'd been trying to hide. From then on, any make out sessions were done on dates in Port Angeles, at parties where no one gave a shit because they were doing it too and most of the time at my house since my parents were always at work.

"Earth to dad," Jake cajoled.

"Sorry. What did you say?" I shook my head from the memory which still frightened me.

"I asked if you could please not mention this to Rachel's parents." His dark eyes were pleading.

"It's not exactly something that comes up in passing, son, so I'm sure your secret is safe with us. As long as you are being safe."

"Absolutely. Can I watch the Mariners game now?"

"One more thing. No fucking on my couch." I cocked him an eyebrow as Bella swatted my arm for my inappropriate language. Jacob made a face.

"Gross, that's where Leah and…never mind. I think I'll just go to my room. See ya." With that, he booked it out of the living room, setting a world record I'm sure. I looked at Bella and she at me and we both immediately got off the couch.

"Now what?" I asked Bella and she sighed.

"We might as well go three for three. Call your oldest daughter down."

I frowned as I hollered Leah's name up to the second floor, asking her to join us in the living room. I needed a drink.

**Can I just say, I'm already dreading the sex talk with my kids and they are only six and four. I don't think Edward did too badly, though, do you?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the great reviews on the last chapter! I have to say that the 3D pop of sex ed book that FrostedGlaze mentioned, literally made me shutter! I hope there are no copies still out there!**

**Chapter 4**

"You wanted to see me?" Leah came into the living room and sat on the now vacated couch; Bella and I sat together on the love seat facing her.

"We're just checking in with all our kids tonight, finding out what's new, you know." I tried to play it cool.

"Oh, okay." Leah quirked an eyebrow suspiciously.

"So, how are things?" I asked.

"Um, things are good, yeah. School's good; I like my profs."

"And you and James are still good?" I noticed she hesitated before she answered me.

"Yes." Her voice was notably shaky andBella and I exchanged looks.

"You know you can talk to us about anything right? Sex or otherwise." Leah shifted uncomfortably and played with the ends of her long, dark hair as Bella asked.

"I don't know what you're trying to get at." My daughter's pale grey eyes lifted to meet mine, brimming with tears.

"Are you sure there isn't anything you want to talk to us about? I promise, we won't be mad or upset. It looks to me like you could use a friend right about now." I frowned at her slightly, silently praying she'd open up and to tell us about the sadness I saw in her eyes.

"We did it, okay, but not anymore." With those words, she hunched over and the sobs shook her body. Bella went to her, sitting at her side and rubbed her back gingerly while I grabbed a box of Kleenex and joined them on the couch. Leah took a tissue, blew her nose and dabbed at her eyes. It took her a few minutes to compose herself enough that she could finally speak.

"Sorry." Leah apologized and Bella told her to take her time. Though she was sniffling, Leah managed to continue.

"James and I did it a few times. And, honestly, I don't get what the hype's all about. Anyways, a week and a half ago I was late."

My heart stopped.

"Late for class?" I prayed out loud. Oh, God, please let her have been late for class. Leah shook her head.

"My period was late." My hands drew through my hair and my knee bounced so much I was shaking the entire couch. I bit my tongue because I couldn't yell at her for not using protection because, damn it, I'd just told her we wouldn't be mad or upset. Before I found words to say, Leah continued.

"I'm not pregnant, just so you know. I started my period a few days ago."

Bella and I both let out a collective sigh of relief and I thanked God.

"But for six days I thought I was. And before you yell at me, we did use condoms. I told James right away that I was late and he told me it was my problem. His actual words were 'take care of it' and acted like I was totally inconveniencing him by showing up at his apartment wanting to talk to him about it."

The tears rolled down her cheeks and when I looked at Bella, she was crying as well. I reached my arm around Leah so I could touch my wife's shoulder in an attempt to comfort both of them at the same time.

"I didn't want a baby any more than he did but for him to be so callous and to bark at me like he did, hurt. He literally demanded I get rid of it, without even asking me how I was feeling. I felt like I didn't know him at all. He had always been so sweet to me; that was a side of James that I'd never seen before. And then…." The sobs started again but she continued to speak between them. "He told me that he's been seeing someone else, and not just recently, for pretty much our entire relationship. Some girl named Victoria who's pre-med with him and he says he loves her. And." She fought back the tears. "And he's going to marry her not me."

Leah collapsed against Bella, her head nestled against her mom's chest. Bella quietly hushed her and rocked back and forth ever so gently. I flashed back to newborn Leah cradled in Bella's arms being rocked just like that. She was much older now but just as vulnerable. Leah cried like her heart was broken and the world was ending; I'm sure, on both accounts, it felt like it was. Bella cried as much as her, and I would have too, if I hadn't been so livid.

"Bastard!" I cursed as I stood up and paced around the room. Seeing Leah and Bella bawling their eyes out ripped at my heart strings. As far I was concerned, James was a dead man. I turned to leave the room to track down the man who'd betrayed my baby girl but Bella's voice stopped me.

"Edward, where do you think you're going?"

Wasn't that obvious? Usually Bella was so good at reading my mind.

"I'm going to find that son of a bitch and kill him."

My wife kept her arms wrapped around Leah but leveled me a look.

"Edward, now is not the time."

"I'm just going to have a little chat with him." I cracked my neck. Yeah, a chat with my fists to his face.

"You don't even know if he's home right now, he might still be in class."

"Then I'll drive to the college and hunt him down. And if I can't find him there, I'll park outside his apartment until he gets home. I am a very patient man, I will wait." The anger in the pit of my stomach was festering.

"Patience has never been one of your virtues, Edward. Sit down."

The way she asked was not a question but a command. Reluctantly, I took my seat on the couch and clenched my jaw, mentally planning how to ruin his life. I knew a call to Charlie was in order knowing he could facilitate planting drugs on him and have him sent to prison for a very long time. If Charlie refused, Jake was good at tinkering with cars, maybe he could to sabotage the brakes in his car so he met with an unfortunate accident. Or I could go with a good, old fashioned beat down and enlist Emmett's help in roughing up the man who slighted his God-daughter. I knew he would be more than willing to help me out as I would help him and my God-son if the need ever presented itself.

"Why didn't you tell us, baby?" I finally asked and Leah shrugged her shoulders.

"You and mom liked James so much, I was scared to tell you that we broke up."

"We may have liked James, but you're our daughter, we will always support you. And know what else? We love you." I took her chin in my hand and lifted her face to look at me. "Did you hear me? We love you, no matter what. And we want to be able to help you through this."

"Aren't you mad at me because I lied to you about having sex?" Her eyes were filled with so much regret and sadness.

"Obviously, we would have preferred the truth right off the bat but the thing is, what you do is your business. Your Dad and I can't force anything out of you and hope you know you can talk to us about stuff like this. We really do want to support our kids any way we can. Ultimately, you're a young woman now and part of growing up is making your own decisions and that includes if you want to talk to us about sex or not."

"I'm so sorry. I never meant to let you guys down," Leah apologized.

"It's okay, honey, really it is." Bella reassured her. "How are you feeling though?"

"I'm okay. My cramps were really bad yesterday but better today." Bella nodded, she understood as she got them really bad and the best I could do was offer her back massages and a heating pad.

"And emotionally? How are you holding up?" Leah shrugged at Bella's question.

"I don't know. I miss him but I'm angry too. Right now, if he wanted to get back together, I think I might because it hurts to be apart from him." I could appreciate her honesty but the thought of her getting back together with that son of a bitch made my stomach churn.

"You deserve better than that, Leah. Love shouldn't hurt this much, remember that," I told her.

"You may need to remind me of that," Leah said as she wiped away a few tears. I nodded, promising I would.

"He's an idiot to not want to be with you and I have a feeling he'll regret his decision one day and then it will be your sweet revenge to tell him to go to hell." I wiped away a tear she'd missed with my finger.

"This is a really cliché thing to say, but I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason. If James wasn't the one for you, then the perfect guy is still out there, waiting to sweep you off your feet." Leah shrugged after Bella had spoken.

"I hope so. I wish I could be fifteen again, things were a lot less complicated then," Leah said with a heavy sigh. Bella and I both snorted, thinking back to our earlier conversation with Charlotte.

"I don't know, your sister is dealing with her own shit right now, too." I told her honestly.

"Do you think she needs someone to talk to?" Leah asked hopefully. "We haven't had a girl's night in a long time. Maybe we could have a sleep over in her room, gorge on ice cream, eat chocolate; maybe watch a chick flick." Bella agreed that would be a great idea and probably very well received by Charlotte.

"Do me a favor though?" I pleaded. "Try to paint me in a better light than what she sees me. I hate that I'm always the bad guy. Please!" We all stood up and I brought Leah into my arms for a hug.

"I'll try, Daddy, but no guarantees."

"Maybe give her some fashion advice while you're in there." I suggested. I released her so she could hug her mom, the two of them embraced for a long while. Sometimes, a hug from your mom could heal you more than words.

"Thanks for not freaking out, about the sex, the pregnancy scare, everything. You are pretty much the best parents ever."

"We love you, kiddo," I told her.

"I love you, too."

With that, Leah left the living room. I beckoned Bella into a hug, folding my arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

"I still want to kill him." I confessed after a minute.

"I know you do, I kind of want to myself. Poor Leah. I think the worst part about being a parent is seeing you child hurting and not be able to take it away with a magical kiss." Bella looked up at me, her fingers playing with the hair at the base of my neck. "And I hate that she felt like she couldn't talk to us." She furrowed her brow, and I used my thumb to ease the crease away.

"That's why tonight was good, you know? Some one on one time with all three of them. Finding out what's really going on in their lives and in their heads." I told her, trying to find the silver lining.

"What about your boy? In love, having sex, declaring he's going to marry Rachel? Pretty heavy stuff." Bella noted and I nodded.

"If you could have seen the way he looked at her today though, you'd have seen it in his eyes that he is so completely in love. Not a crush, not puppy love, but true, genuine, heart stopping love. There's no denying that look."

"I know that look well." Bella smiled.

"You do, huh?" I teased. Her lips found mine before she answered me.

"I see it in your eyes every morning when I wake up, feel it every time we make love. And that love is reflected in the kindness you show your children, the patience you give them."

"I thought you said patience wasn't my virtue?" I cocked her an eyebrow.

"You can be patient when you want to be. Painfully patient sometimes." Bella wiggled her eyebrows at me. My hand came up, cupping her breast and my lips left a trail of kisses along her jaw line.

"I think tonight, I want to practice my patience. Take things nice and slow." I grabbed her ass with both hands, lifting and squeezing her butt cheeks as I pulled her to me. Bella smirked when she felt my hardness.

"Hey, Dad?" Jake sauntered into the room with a booming voice and just like that the moment was ruined. I kept Bella wrapped in my arms as I answered him.

"What's up, Jake?"

"Do you think I can borrow your car tomorrow night to take Rachel to dinner. Please?" His big, brown, Bella-cloned eyes pleaded as much as his voice did.

"Absolutely not. Sorry, buddy. That car is my baby."

"I thought mom was your baby?" He said deviously.

"Nice, Jacob, throw me under the bus, you punk." I reached for him, put him in a headlock, and gave him a noogie on the top of his head. Unfortunately, I underestimated his strength and Jake fought back, getting out of my grip in a flash and did the same to me, his fist messing up my skillfully arranged do.

"Bella, help!" I reached my arm out to her but she snubbed me.

"Why don't you ask your_ baby_ to help you. You're on your own, Mr. Cullen. I'm going to go hang out with my girls for a bit."

Even after Bella left the room, Jacob kept me in the headlock.

That's enough Jacob Noah." I used my commanding father voice but he laughed.

"Let me use your car and I'll think about it," he bargained.

"Let me out of the head lock right now or I'll take away your keys to the Honda." Instantly, Jake released me and I straightened out my shirt as I stood upright. "Hey, you want to watch the game with me? We can probably catch the last few innings?" I asked.

"Okay." He flopped down on the couch while I went to make us some popcorn, grabbing him a Coke and me a beer before making myself comfortable beside him. As I cracked open the beer and took a sip, Jacob watched me longingly.

"Do you think I could have a beer? You know, since I'm a man now." He asked.

"A man, huh?" I snorted.

"Well, I do have sex you know, that automatically gives me that status." He nodded his head, quite proud of himself.

"Age of consent in Washington State is sixteen but legal drinking age is still twenty-one, last time I checked."

"Just one?"

I shook my head.

"Sorry, bud. Come talk to me in four years."

Jake crossed his bulky arms over his chest and huffed. I ignored him and turned my attention to the game. The Mariners were down by two but in the bottom of the ninth, our best guy was up to bat with bases loaded. Exactly like in the movies, he knocked it out of the park and the Mariners won the game. Jacob and I cheered and knocked our cans together, our earlier disagreement forgotten. When it was over, we watched the sports recap on the nightly news.

"Uh, Dad, can I ask you a question?"

"Is it about borrowing my car?"

"No."

"Is it about having a beer?"

"No."

"Then go ahead." I turned off the television and faced him.

"You said I can ask you anything. Right?" He looked at me hopefully.

"Of course. What's on your mind?" Jacob's nervous knee bounce returned and I watched the blush creep to his cheeks, something Bella had definitely passed on to him. I gave him a minute to collect himself and he finally took a deep breath and exhaled loudly then started talking in a fast pace.

"Okay, so when Rach and I do it, she, uh, doesn't always have, uh, fun. Do you have any tips that you could give me, so uh, she can, uh, enjoy herself. Cause I like, always have fun, but it would, uh, be nice if I knew she was having fun too, you know?" He scrunched up his face and looked up at me.

Oh God. I know I'd said he could ask me anything but, really, he wanted tips from his old man on _that_? I cleared my throat loudly and prayed for an interruption of some kind: Charlotte to come running in with a tantrum of some kind, a flash flood, for Christ to return.

"I'm not sure I'm the best one to answer your question, son."

"You have the same trouble with mom, huh?"

I started coughing.

"No, no. It's not that. I'm actually quite competent in that regard, thank you very much." The face Jacob made told me I should have not gloated quite so much. I scratched my head, not knowing exactly what to tell him, trying hard to remember what Carlisle had told me way back when. I still remembered that afternoon, playing basketball with him in the driveway of our home when I learned a lot about how to make a woman happy in bed.

"You and Bella seam to be getting along good." Carlisle took a shot and the ball bounced off of the rim and I caught the rebound. I bounced the ball a few times before I took a jump shot.

"Yeah, we're doing great. We just had our two month anniversary."

"Two months? Cool. Have you guys, you know, done anything yet?" My brother dribbled around me and took his shot, which swished cleanly through the hoop.

"Yeah, I think we'll be having sex soon." I already knew he and Esme were doing it and I was trying to impress my big brother by telling him about me and Bella.

"Oh, really?" Carlisle's snort sounded like he didn't believe me.

"Yeah, man, totally."

My brother walked away from the hoop, gesturing with his head that I should follow and we sat down in the grass together.

"Tell me what you've done with Bella."

"Uh, we kiss, like a lot. And I've touched her boobs, you know, without her bra on. And I've kissed her there and stuff." Carlisle looked disinterested.

"And?" He waited for me.

"Next up, you know, the real deal." Carlisle shook his head, disappointed in me.

"Oh, baby brother, the things I have to teach you. It's not kiss, grope boobs, sex." My brother sighed in frustration. "Okay, first things first, please tell me you're French kissing. That means your tongue in her mouth." I rolled my eyes, I wasn't that naïve. "Good. Have you touched her down there?" He pointed to his groin.

"Intentionally?" I croaked.

"Oh my God, yes, intentionally. Like put your hand down her pants and into her panties to feel how wet she is." The look on my face said it all.

"Well, you don't have sex until you've done everything else first. It's the everything else that makes it fun." He had my attention.

"Tell me about everything else." I asked him excitedly.

"Wait a second. I thought you and Kate were all hot and heavy back home? Were you guys just kissing too?" Carlisle asked and I managed to shrug as I blushed.

"Dude, you're missing so many steps."

"Fucking tell me already." I grumbled, wishing I'd brought paper and pen to write stuff down.

"I'd recommend dry humping first. That's you on top of her, or vice versa, and moving like you're having sex but with your clothes on. Damn, it feels so good. Esme always comes that way." Carlisle got a far away look on his face. "Sorry about that. So, in real life, girls don't have an orgasm just from you sucking on their boobs. That happens in stupid romance novels and porno movies. If you want to make her feel good, really good, you're going to have to get up close and personal with her clit. It's down there - so you're going to have to get into her pants with your hands first. Don't worry, she'll love you for it if you learn how to do it right."

Carlisle went into explicit details about how to be careful with pressure on her clit and I listened like he was the grand master. He explained how to bring her own wetness up to carefully swirl around the bundle of nerves in clockwise and counter clockwise circles or up and down. My brother instructed me that I could slip my index finger inside of her and eventually work up to two or three fingers and to move them in and out. Once I got the hang of that, he said I could try to crook my fingers inside her where there was something called a 'G' spot that would make her scream my name. God, did I ever want to find that spot. Then he went on to explain that once I was brave enough I could 'go down on her', using my tongue instead of my fingers. It was all new territory for me and I was excited to try it all.

"You really want to take your time with her. Us guys, we're pretty much guaranteed a happy ending every time but girls need a little more care and attention. If you want to be good in bed, little bro, always make sure you take care of your woman first. If you remember nothing else from today, remember that."

I'd never forgotten – Bella could attest to that.

"Now, Bella will probably want to reciprocate and make it feet good for you as well, without going all the way. And that's also fun." My brother smirked at me.

"Tell me more!" I asked excitedly wondering how he could be only a year older but so much wiser.

"When she gets you off with a hand job, it's awesome. But when her mouth wraps abound your dick, fuck, it's wicked."

I groaned loudly. "I'd probably burst if Bella's mouth was on my dick."

Carlisle tipped his head up at the sky and laughed.

"Burst is about right." He grinned from ear to ear and my eyes widened.

"You burst in her mouth? What the hell is she supposed to with it then?" I asked with a lowered voice.

"The good ones spit, the great ones swallow. Esme is one of the great ones."

I smacked his arm, hard.

"Shut up! You're fucking kidding!"

He shook his head.

"Dude, I have to go see if Bella wants to try that right now!" I was already sporting a boner, might as well put it to use.

"Woah, slow down, tiger. Remember what I said - you have to take things slow. Find out what Bella likes first. If you want her to have an orgasm during sex, you have to know how things work before you get down to it. And that means practice, practice, practice." Carlisle stood up, brushed himself off, then helped me up and threw his arm over my shoulder.

"Come on, I'll buy you a Dr. Pepper slurpee before dinner."

With that, the two of us walked down the street to the closest 7-11 and I asked a bunch of questions that Carlisle answered honestly. It was later that weekend when Bella and I dry humped for the first time and damn it, Carlisle was right it was awesome, even if I did cum in my jeans.

Thinking back to the advice that Carlisle had given me, I realized I wasn't comfortable giving that information to my son. I felt bad, because Jake was looking at me like a lost puppy but I couldn't do it. I wanted to be open and honest with my kids but teaching my son how to give his girlfriend orgasms was way beyond my comfort zone.

"You know what, Jacob? All women are wired different. You need to find out what your girl likes and take your time to get her there. Never rush." Unless it's wall sex, but I didn't tell him that. "That's the best advice I can give you."

Jacob rolled his eyes.

"Thanks a lot, Dad. Some help you are. I bet Uncle Emmett would give me some tips."

I smiled. Emmett was actually Dr. Emmett McCarty - Registered Sex Therapist. God, it still made me laugh, my college buddy, who, back in the day, slept with anything with a vagina, was now a doctor of sex. I teased him that he should have gotten extra credit for all the women he'd fucked. Apparently he was one of the best sex docs in Washington state and had a wait list to get in for an appointment.

"Go ahead and ask Uncle Emmett then," I told him. Mentally, I made a note to call Em in the morning and make sure that if he gave advice, it was age appropriate.

"Maybe I'll share the tips with you later." Jake winked at me before he told me he was going to go upstairs to call Rachel to say goodnight. I chuckled to myself as I cleaned up our dirty dishes and cans, turning off the television and the lights on my way.

I made sure the house was secure before I went upstairs to say goodnight to the girls. I knocked on Charlotte's door and someone shouted for me to come in. When I saw them all sprawled out on Char's bed, with magazines, chips and an empty pail of Ben and Jerry's ice cream strewn about, I had to smile. Bella had one foot in Leah's lap, a divider thing between her toes as Leah painted her toe nails a bright red, while Charlotte did her fingernails to match. Obnoxious music played and Bella was bopping her head to the beat.

"I came to say goodnight to my favorite girls." I kissed Leah's cheek, Charlotte's head and Bella's lips.

"I'll be up in a few minutes, I have to wait for my nails to dry." Bella told me, wiggling her left foot.

"Take your time. I'm going to do some work in bed for a bit. Good night, ladies. I love you."

A chorus repeated the words back to me and I left them alone. I made my way up the stairs to our bedroom, stripped down to my boxer shorts and crawled under the quilt. I put my reading glasses on that I kept on my night table and re-read the plot ideas that I'd come up with at Starbucks earlier, making notes in the margins with a pen.

Some time later, I vaguely remember Bella taking off my glasses and putting my work away for me. In my sleepy state, I still managed to pull my wife to me, curling my body around hers. I slept soundly until the ringing land line woke me up sometime around five in the next morning. Having three teenaged kids, I was used to the phone ringing at odd times of the day and night. Only this time, Leah crept into our room and shook me awake.

"Dad! Wake up, it's the police. I think Jake's in trouble."

**I have the next chapter written and will get it up in a few days. It's my birthday today so you should leave me a review as a gift! XO**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for the reviews and birthday wishes on the last chapter! Sorry this is a bit later than I'd planned. Hubby took me away for the weekend (without kids!) and I was busy contributing to the American Economy - a lot! Anyways, let's find out what Jake did. Bad boy!**

**Chapter 5**

Half-asleep, I grabbed the phone from Leah and sat up in bed, barking into the receiver.

"Hello? This is Edward Cullen."

"Mr. Cullen, this is Officer Meyer. Your son, Jacob, was involved in a motor vehicle accident about an hour ago and was brought to Seattle Memorial Hospital."

"What?" Suddenly, I was wide awake. I jumped out of bed and searched around for my pants, finding them in a crumpled heap on the floor and threw them on, wrinkles and all. Leah had crawled onto the bed, looking worried while Bella flitted about getting dressed as well.

"He's okay, Mr. Cullen. He sustained some cuts and bruises, the doctor – your brother actually - is just finishing up with the stitches on the side of his forehead."

"Thank God, he's okay." I repeated for Bella's sake.

"Unfortunately, the vehicle sustained significant damage in the single car accident."

"Who cares about the Honda, as long as Jake is okay. My wife and I will be on our way now. Thank you for calling." I hung up the phone, tossing the receiver onto my nightstand.

"Jacob was in an accident. He's okay but we need to pick him up at Seattle Memorial. Carlisle's stitching him up." I buttoned up my shirt as Bella pulled a hoodie over top of her tank top.

"What the hell was he doing out at this hour?" Bella wondered aloud as I shook my head, I caught a glimpse of Leah looked rather guilty.

"Leah, what do you know?" I demanded.

"Nothing, sometimes Jake and Rachel meet up in the middle of the night." She raised her eyebrows and I knew exactly what they were meeting up for.

"How long has this been going on? And why didn't you tell us?" Bella asked as she tied up the laces of her sneakers before we made our way downstairs.

"I don't know, a few months maybe? I only know because, uh, James and I snuck out once or twice and we both met coming in one morning. We promised not to rat each other out." Leah followed us down the stairs from the third floor to the first.

"For fucks sake!" I shook my head in aggravation and disappointment. "Leah, you stay home with Charlotte. And we WILL be discussing this later. You ready, Bella?" I looked around for my car keys but they weren't on the hook by the front door where I always left them. Always.

Oh no, he didn't.

I pulled the door open and looked into the driveway. Bella's Pathfinder, Leah's Mazda, Jacob's Honda but no BMW 750Li. That little fucker!

"Jacob Fucking Cullen!" I cursed his name loudly as I grabbed Bella's keys instead and stormed out to her truck. I barely waited until she was buckled before I tore off down the road to the hospital, muttering more obscenities under my breath. Bella unsuccessfully tried to calm me down, warning me that the last thing we needed was for me to get in an accident as well.

"Not only did he sneak out of the house, he stole my car, Bella. He stole my fucking car and he fucking crashed it. I wish he was still young enough that I could bend him over my knee and tan his bare ass." Honestly, I couldn't remember the last time I'd been so furious, if ever. I'd been mad when Charlotte spilled cherry coke slurpee on our brand new rug and pissed when Leah had melted my leather sofa with her flat iron. But this, oh this was like nothing I'd felt before. I was going to rip that boy of mine a new one.

The rest of the drive to the hospital, Bella and I didn't talk, we both knew there was nothing she could say that could calm me down. I quietly seethed and planned Jacob's punishment - no TV, no phone, yard work, house work, and no girlfriend over to visit for a very long time. I looked over a Bella who looked tired yet worried as she stared out the passenger window. In my anger, I'd forgotten she was in this with me so I reached over for her hand, lacing my fingers with hers. She turned to face me, and gave me a small smile.

"We're in this together, right?" I looked to her for reassurance.

"Always. Let's not jump to conclusions, maybe he had a good reason for being out in the middle of the night. Maybe Rachel was in trouble or something."

That was why I loved my Bella - she was always thinking positively. Unfortunately, I was a realist and I snorted.

"Yeah, right. And maybe he had a good reason for stealing my car, too, even though his car was parked right beside mine."

"I never said our son was smart." Bella laughed. I brought her hand to my mouth and kissed it, smiling at her comment.

Only Jacob. Seriously, Leah could have taken my car out a hundred times and I probably never would have figured it out. Jacob takes it once – at least I hoped it once – and gets in an accident. I sighed loudly and shook my head.

When we arrived at the hospital, I found a parking spot close to the emergency entrance, cut the ignition and then sat rigid in my seat. I realized it was the first time I'd been back to the medical centre since my father had died four months ago. I unlaced my fingers from Bella's so I could run my hands through my hair. Knowing this was hard for me, my wife left me to my own thoughts for a minute.

The phone call from my brother had come on a Sunday afternoon. When I saw the hospital's name on the caller ID, I hadn't thought much about it as Carlisle often called to say hello if he was on a break. But he wasn't calling to chat, something I picked up on as soon as I said hello.

"Edward, it's Carlisle." It was the way he spoke my name that scared me.

"Carlisle, what's wrong? Are Esme and the kids okay?" Nicholas and Bree were twins, the same age as Charlotte, conceived through IVF after years of infertility.

"No, they're fine. Is Bella home with you?" he asked.

"She's gardening. What's going on?"

Carlisle told me he wanted me to get Bella so I walked through the kitchen and out to the backyard, pleading with my brother to tell me what was going on. Even though I asked about my parents he refused to tell me anything until Bella was at my side and I had put him on speaker phone. Bella wiped her dirty hands on her shirt and sat beside me on one of the deck chairs as Carlisle explained that he was sorry to tell me that our father had died of a massive heart attack a half an hour before.

Although my dad and I had our differences when I was a teen, we had grown close, even more so in the years since I'd become a father myself. I respected that he loved me enough that when he saw I was running with the wrong crowd, he chose to leave behind his life to give me a better one. Dad always had a kind word or story to share, had been my mentor when it came to being a parent and I was the man I was because I tried to emulate him in every way possible. Where I was unsure, he was confident; if I were flippant, he was patient. I can honestly say that over the years, he became my hero.

Which was why I didn't believe what Carlisle was saying. I sat there repeating the word 'no' over and over again. Bella held my hand, the tears silently rolled down her cheeks in droves, she was just as close to my parents as she was to her father. Her mother was a different story but that's for another time.

Carlisle went on to explain that my dad knew he was having a heart attack, being a retired physician himself, and had gotten himself to the hospital with my mom in tow. Unfortunately, it was too late. Dad collapsed as he walked into the emergency entrance and my brother happened to be on shift, rushing to his side immediately. Why my parents never called an ambulance that day, I'll never know and, for obvious reasons, will never ask my mother that question. Carlisle worked on our father for forty-five minutes, trying in vain to restart his heart. Other physicians tried to pull him away from dad but Carlisle refused and continued his efforts until it was clear it was in vain.

Bella had driven us to the hospital that afternoon as I was incapable of doing so. When we arrived, Carlisle brought my family into a private room where Esme and the children were waiting, so we could all see Dad. He looked so peaceful, his face serene, his eyes closed like he were napping on a Sunday afternoon. But he was quiet, too quiet. Dad always had something witty or charming to say to Bella or the kids but even seeing him like that hadn't made it real to me. Esme, Carlisle, Bella, all our kids and I stood around his bedside in revered silence. My tears didn't start until my mother walked in the room and then I lost it. She just looked so empty, her eyes so forlorn. My mom wrapped her arms around my waist and I dropped my head onto her shoulder and released more tears then I thought possible. I wasn't ashamed for my children to see me cry because it showed them there was nothing wrong with doing so. And I wanted them to know that their Grandpa was worth all the tears I shed. There was a chain reaction and soon everyone were a sobbing, snotty mess, including Carlisle who was usually so removed from death because of his work as an emergency room doctor.

The funeral was an opportunity for all of us to come together to honor the accomplishments of Doctor Anthony Cullen. Past colleagues spoke of his impeccable work ethics, friends spoke of how he would be missed, while Carlisle and I lightened the mood and shared funny stories about some of his antics growing up. Bella talked about how, before our wedding, my dad had taken her aside and told her not to take any crap from me and if I ever did give her a hard time, she could confide in him and Dad would take care of me personally. Bella smiled and winked at me when she said she only had to call him once. I had laughed through my tears because she'd never told me that before. My niece and nephew, together with my children, told how Grandpa had given them sips of his wine when Carlisle and I weren't looking, something we'd suspected but no one ever ratted him out.

Even though my brother and I dissuaded her, my mother got up to speak and for the first time, I saw her as frail. Elizabeth Cullen took her place at the front of the church, flowers and photos of my Dad flanked the table beside where she stood, surrounding the urn that held his ashes. There wasn't a dry eye in that house of God as my mother told of a love that had spanned over fifty years. She shared the story of the shy boy who asked her to go steady at the tender age of fifteen, how she experienced her first kiss a year later on her sixteenth birthday. A year later, folks. Mom explained that he was always a gentleman like that, a trait she was happy to see was passed on to Carlisle and I. As she looked at us sitting in the front pew, Mom told everyone in attendance how our father had loved her but he truly adored his sons. She told us he was so proud of the men we'd become, for how we always showed love and respect to Esme and Bella and instilled good morals in his grandchildren, who were the apple of his eye. As they had driven to the hospital the day he died, my father kept repeating the same thing.

"Make sure my boys know that everything I ever did was so that they could have the very best of things in life. Whenever I was angry with them, it was for their own good. Punishments were to make them better men, even if it made me look like that bad guy. But most importantly, make sure they know that I loved them."

And there wasn't any doubt in my mind. As he had loved me, I had loved him and the unconditional love was passed on to my wife and children. My father taught me a lot of things - how to fish, how to drive a car, even how to cook - but the most important thing he taught me was how to love with all my heart.

I gripped the steering wheel tightly as the memories of my father's death flooded back. Bella's soothing voice coaxed me back to reality as much as her hand that was gently massaging the back of my neck.

"You okay?"

I blinked back the tears and nodded. "I haven't been back here since he died. It's harder than I thought; I don't know how Carlisle does it."

"It's different this time, Edward. We're not here to say goodbye, we're here to kick our son's ass, that should make it easier." Bella winked at me. She always knew what to say and I smiled as I pushed away the pain of my father's passing.

"Ready?" she asked.

"Ready. Let's go make our son a better man by punishing his punk ass."

"We'll make your dad proud, baby."

We both got out of the truck and walked hand in hand through the automatic doors of the emergency room. We checked in at the administration desk and a nurse brought us over to Jacob's room where the police officer was waiting outside his room. Bella and I both shook his hand and he gave us a quick run down on what had happened, as far as he could figure out anyways.

Jacob had been traveling west on Schoolhouse Street, which indicated to us that he was on his way home. Somehow, he had drifted to the side, scraping the left side of my car along the guardrail and when he over corrected, Jake had fishtailed, his back end taking out a stop sign. It wasn't hard enough for the airbags to deploy, but it was enough to stop him. The officer had arrived on the scene a few minutes later and had called an ambulance to bring Jacob to Memorial as he had a cut on the side of his forehead. We found out later it wasn't from the actual force of the accident but rather from Jacob smacking his head on the steering wheel after he crashed the car, cursing himself for the accident.

"There wasn't alcohol or another vehicle involved. It looks like Jacob was perhaps a little tired and dozed off. The car has been towed to the police lot; you can have it towed to your garage later this morning." He opened his notebook and passed me his business card with a file number scrawled on the back, which I slipped into my pocket.

"You look really worried, Mr. Cullen." The officer patted my arm in an attempt to comfort me. "Jacob's okay, just shaken up and I think more scared of you two than anything else. Go on in, your brother is with him, and call me if you need anything." Officer Meyer shook our hands again before he left and I took a deep, cleansing breath before I opened the door.

Jacob was sitting up in bed, a blue paper gown covering his torso. From the doorway I could see the stitches on his forehead and I hoped they were administered without freezing. Carlisle crossed the room to us and pulled first Bella, then me into a comforting hug.

"He's free to leave any time you're ready. I'll discharge him and do all the paperwork so you guys can go." I thanked my brother and he nodded. "Jake, I'll check in with you later, buddy."

"You don't have to go, Uncle Carlisle. Really, it's fine." Jacob was scared shitless, I could hear it in his voice. Carlisle turned to face his nephew.

"Remember what we talked about." Jake frowned and nodded. Carlisle patted me on the back as he left us alone and I wasn't sure if he was wishing me luck or giving me strength, perhaps both.

Bella went to Jacob's bedside and gave him a hug, pulling him to her roughly. I stood where I was arms crossed in anger. We were about to give him the shit sandwich – good, bad, good. First, a hug to tell him we were glad he wasn't seriously injured. Next, the bad, where we yelled and spoke about punishment. And finally, another hug where we'd tell him we were doing it all for his own good. Bella and I always handed out punishments together so that there wasn't a good cop, bad cop, although I was usually the bad cop simply because I couldn't control the rage in my voice.

I walked over to the chair where Jacob's shirt was and passed it to him.

"Get dressed." I was very curt and he knew I meant business. Bella stepped aside as Jacob swung his legs off the bed and took off the gown, the paper crinkling as he balled it up meticulously then walked over to place it in the garbage can. He took his time slipping his shirt over his head and putting on his sweatshirt, zippering it up slowly. When Jake dawdled as he put his shoes on, I got impatient.

"Jacob, quit procrastinating. Mind you, the longer it takes you to get dressed, the longer I have think about your punishment." I cocked him what the kids deemed the 'evil eye' and it was amazing how quickly he was ready to go after that. He shoved his wallet in his back pocket and then picked up his key chain, correction, my key chain. Jacob looked at it, then at me and back at the keys. Silently, I held my hand out and he placed the keys in my palm and passed me his cell phone without being told to. If nothing else, he was a quick study. With a final look around to make sure nothing was forgotten, I held the door open and Jacob dropped his head down and filed through, Bella following behind. It was a good thing she was between us because I had an overwhelming urge to smack him upside the head. I balled my fists and clenched my teeth instead. Jake stopped at the nurses station on his way out and thanked them, sounding polite but really it was another procrastination ploy.

We walked in silence to the Pathfinder, Jake lagging behind Bella and I. My son took a seat behind Bella, scrunching his six foot frame against the door so he was out of my line of vision. I adjusted my rear-view mirror so that I could look directly at him, a scare tactic my father had done to me many times. I debated with myself which route I should take – the I'm-so-angry-I-can't-even-talk-to-you-right-now route or the I'm-going-to-lose-my-shit-all-over-you route. Bella decided for me.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" Bella didn't get mad often, she was usually quite even keeled, but the edge to her voice made it very clear that she was pissed.

"I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry." Jacob was close to tears. Good.

"I bet you are," I spat.

"Do you know how horrible it was to get a phone call in the middle of the night from the police telling us you were in an accident? Oh my God, we thought the worst. I never want to get a phone call like that again, do you understand me? NEVER." Bella angrily brushed away the tears with the back of her hand.

"I'm so sorry, mom." His voice waivered as he apologized.

I looked at Jake in the mirror, his head hung down in remorse. He and Bella always had a close relationship and I could tell that knowing that he had disappointed her felt like a weight on his chest.

"What the fucking hell were you thinking, boy?" I demanded as I glared at him; Jacob shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know."

"Where did you go? What were you doing?" Bella's voice was much calmer than it was a moment before.

"I just went for a drive."

"By yourself?" She asked.

"Don't lie, Jacob, you'll only make it worse." I warned and I heard him take a deep breath.

"Rachel was with me." He admitted and was quick to clarify. "But not during the accident. I'd already dropped her off."

I pulled into a drive-thru Java hut, unrolled my window and ordered Bella and I a couple of strong coffees. When Jacob asked if I could order him something because he was tired, my eyes bore into him and he shrunk down in his seat. With coffees in hand, we continued our conversation as we made our way home.

"So, you snuck out of the house, picked up Rachel, had a quick fuck in my car, and brought her home. Then what?" Bella shook her head at my inappropriate choice of words but I was livid and my filter failed me.

"I didn't sneak out, I went out. I didn't realize I was on lock down during the night."

"Are you kidding me? Don't spit up my ass and tell me it's raining, Jake. Next you're doing to tell me you didn't steal my car you borrowed it. Give me a fucking break."

The kid had some balls. Damn it, another thing he got from his old man.

"The truth, Jacob, please do us all a favor and be honest." Bella pleaded. She knew if I found out later that he'd lied on top of everything else, that vein in my forehead would burst.

"Fine. Yes, I left the house without your knowledge."

It really irked me that he didn't admit that he snuck out but I let it slide as Jacob continued.

"I drove to Rachel's house to pick her up and we went to Kerry Park."

In my head, I inserted 'where we fucked' because, let's face it, the three of us knew exactly what went on there. Back in the day, Bella and I were regulars.

"I dropped Rachel off at home around four or so and was on my way home. Honestly, I don't know what happened I may have closed my eyes for a brief second and, fuck, Dad, I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."

Jacob started sobbing as he apologized. Unfortunately, I didn't have any words to comfort him, I was still too angry with him. I could tell by the way Bella was gripping my hand that she was aching to comfort her son but couldn't because it wouldn't be prudent, let alone possible with the seating arrangement. As painful as it was for us to see our son hurting like that, we both knew it was just as much part of his punishment as would be the restrictions we'd impose on him. I adjusted my mirror so I couldn't see him, my attempt at giving him a little privacy in the confines of the truck. Jacob cried the rest of the way home, as did Bella, tears slipping down her cheeks. I squeezed her hand once, twice, three times - our code way of saying 'I love you' - and she gave me a weak smile back.

What I would have given to go back in time and hear 'Are we there yet?' a hundred times instead of the quiet sniffling that came from the back seat making the twenty minute drive the one of the longest I'd ever endured. Finally, I pulled the Pathfinder into the driveway and turned the car off. No one moved; no one said a word. After five minutes of sitting in increasingly uncomfortable silence, Jacob spoke up in a timid voice.

"May I go now?"

Bella looked at me and we silently agreed.

"Yes, go inside and wait for us in your father's office. We'll be there in a few minutes." Jacob unbuckled and stepped out of the truck. He hesitated for a moment and then addressed me.

"Dad?"

"What?"

"That note in the glove box, did you mean it?"

I snorted quietly because I had the same note in Bella's, Leah's and Jacob's cars, yet to be discovered. When I'd placed them in the vehicles with their insurance papers, it certainly wasn't meant to forgive my kid stealing and wrecking my car. But when I thought about the words that I'd written, I did mean them.

"I did, Jake."

My son nodded and closed the car. The front door of the house was pulled opened by Leah and I saw the two hug briefly. Bella turned to me, confused.

"What note is he talking about?"

"It's nothing. It's just a note I put in all your cars, with your insurance papers." Bella gave me a funny look as she opened her glove box and pulled out the papers. Tucked inside with them was my note; my wife smiled as she read the lines.

_If you're reading this, you were probably involved in an accident and need your insurance papers to exchange information with the other driver. (And if that's the case, use the check list on the other side to ensure you get everything you need.) I pray it was nothing serious and you aren't hurt._

_I wanted you to know that although I love cars, I love you more. Ultimately, it's just metal but not as precious to me as you are. So, even if I get mad when you come home and you tell me you wrecked the car, I still love you. Always._

"Why did you have one in your own car?" Bella wondered and I shrugged.

"I don't know, maybe a part of me knew that a seventeen-year old boy couldn't resist the temptation of the car." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Perhaps you wanted yourself to know you would still be loved if you were the one to crash it." Bella teased, knowing I didn't always follow the posted speed limit, something I thought of as more of a recommendation than a law.

"Very funny. So, let's talk punishment." I cracked my neck as I asked, all that jaw clenching had made me sore.

Bella and I sat in her truck with our coffees and decided on punishments for Jacob for sneaking out, stealing and crashing my car. We also debated on the best course of action to deal with Leah. Parenting was never easy but this was, by far, my least favorite part. We didn't want to be too mean or too lenient but ultimately, Bella and I came up with what we deemed as fair.

We went into the house a while later, making Jake stew for a little longer than necessary while we finished our coffees. After we gave him the usual spiel on why what he did was wrong, we doled out his punishment. I have to say, I was impressed that he took it all with a grain of salt and didn't balk or talk back once, although I saw his jaw clench once or twice.

Leah was called down to my office as well and the four of us talked about having secrets with each other can be fine but in a case such as sneaking out in the middle of the night, it was wrong. As their parents, we needed to know where they were at all times, especially in the case of an emergency. Even though she was close to twenty, Leah was still living under our roof, our rules. Her punishment was less severe than her brother and she accepted it without complaint as well. Then Bella and I hugged them both and reminded them that we loved them still, even after Jacob's bone head move. As the two were leaving the office, I asked Jake what Carlisle had said to him at the hospital when he was being stitched up. He smiled.

"He gave me very good advice. He told me to accept whatever consequences I was given like a man."

"Your uncle is a wise man," I told him. Carlisle had reminded me of that several times when I was a troubled teen and it saved my ass from a more severe grounding on a few occasions. Unfortunately, I wished I'd heeded his advice more because there were times when I couldn't stop my mouth from running off which only made things exponentially worse.

"He also told me if I bitched, it would be ten times as bad. And if I felt like I wanted to back talk at any time while you were speaking, I should start to recite the pledge of allegiance over and over again until you were done. I think I said it eighteen times." Jake grinned at me, his white teeth gleaming.

"Sounds like something Carlisle would say." Bella laughed.

"You two get out of here, I'm pretty sure you have some chores to get done?" I winked at them both and they left my office saying 'Yes, Sir.'

After they were gone, Bella and I sat on the small couch together, Bella sitting so that she was leaning up against my chest and I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her cheek.

"What a morning." I sighed, already exhausted and it was barely nine.

"Do you think we were too hard on them – Jake especially?" She asked and I shrugged.

"I don't know. But I'm still pissed about my car, so please don't make me feel too guilty about it yet, okay?" Bella laughed.

"Deal."

We sat quietly for minute letting the events of the morning sink in.

"Do you know you're vibrating?" Bella asked and at the same time I noticed. I fished Jacob's phone out of my pocket, the message from Rachel on the screen.

_**Hi Baby. I love u. I hope u aren't in 2 much trouble. xoxo R.**_

I slid my finger across the bar to open up the conversation. Normally, I would have felt guilty for reading his messages but yeah, not then. The first message was from one-thirty in the morning.

_**U on ur way? R.**_

_**IDK if it's a good idea. J.**_

_**Come on, please? R.**_

Five minutes passed and Rachel sent another message.

_**I'll make it worth ur while… R.**_

I shook my head at the audacity of using the power of sex at such a young age. I was surprised that it took Jacob another ten minutes to send back a message. I like to think Jacob was debating with himself, weighing the pros of sex (many) to the cons of the wrath of dad (many more). Unfortunately, sex won, it usually did.

_**Give me 15. J.**_

More like twenty minutes later, he sent another text.

_**Out front. J.**_

The next message was at 3:50 a.m.

_**Fuck. Rach my dad is going 2 fucking kill me. I fucking crashed his car, his fucking BMW. I'm dead. Not actually dead, but dead none the less. J.**_

_**WTF? You're kidding? R.**_

_**Nope. Fuck. J.**_

_**U can walk home, go back 2 bed and ur dad will think the car was stolen over night. R.**_

I was pleased to see Jacob's response was instant.

_**No, I can't do that. J.**_

_**U sure? You'll be grounded for life. R.**_

_**Yeah, maybe but I fucked up. The one thing my parents taught me was to own up to my mistakes. J.**_

_**I love u. I'm so sorry. R.**_

_**Love u 2. Fuck, cop behind me now. J.**_

There was a gap in the conversation which Bella and I gathered was from when he was brought to the hospital.

_**Hey. My uncle is here stitching me up. Agrees I should own up. So if u don't hear from me until Monday at school, it's b/c I'm grounded. If I'm not at school it's because my dad killed me. Love u. J. **_

_**I love u. So much. R**_.

And then the newest message we'd just read:

_**Hi Baby. I love u. I hope u aren't in 2 much trouble. xoxo R.**_

_**This is Mr Cullen. Jacob is in fact grounded. It's going to be a long six weeks for you both. **_

Bella and I waited for her response.

_**Hey Mr.C. Shit. Sorry about ur car. Tell Jake I love him and I'll see him Mon. R.**_

I turned off the phone and set it aside. Bella and I both agreed that we had indeed raised a good son, albeit lacking in common sense. It really was too bad there wasn't an app for that. But he was seventeen after all, seventeen year olds don't always make the best choices, I knew that first hand. But knowing that Jacob had every intention of owning up to his crime made Bella and I proud - not proud enough to lessen his punishment but enough so that we didn't feel like we completely sucked at parenting.

**Do you feel a little sorry for Jake? What punishment do you think he got? I couldn't decide so I left it up to your imagination. Thanks for reading and your reviews make me smile.**


	6. Chapter 6

**I loved your reviews from last chapter. Some of you felt sorry for Jacob and some wanted to kick his arse LOL. Read on to find out his punishment. I asked my hubby what he would do if Jake were his kid and crashed his car and this is what he decided on. So, if it's too harsh, it's hubby's fault!**

**Chapter 6**

I always say there's a silver lining for everything. In the case of grounding your child, I soon discovered the positives far out-weighed the negatives. In addition to Jacob being on his best behavior, so were Leah and Charlotte, as they had no desire to be on the receiving end of parental wrath. Our wrath, AKA Jacob's punishment, included him having to tell Rachel's parents about them sneaking out. He begged, bargained and pleaded to not have to go through with it, but Bella and I explained that adult decisions came with adult consequences.

As a result, Rachel was grounded as well; trust me, we were the least favorite parents on the planet for a while but it was the right thing to do. Jacob was also without his iPhone and wheels as we cancelled the insurance on the Honda indefinitely. Not to mention the abundance of chores around the house he had to do to pay us back for the car repair – everything from scrubbing toilets (which made Jake gag) to folding laundry to other forms of child labor that I probably could have been reported for. I quite enjoyed that for the past six weeks, the quiet rumbling of our lawn mower had once again woken me up on Sunday morning as Jacob attended to the lawn. Life was good.

The clock said it was close to nine am. I pulled my sleeping wife to my side, tucking her body close, nuzzling my chin into the crook of her neck. Bella grunted in complaint of my stubble against her sensitive skin but didn't move away from me. As I held her, I remembered all the lazy mornings we'd had in bed before we had the kids. How many Saturday and Sunday mornings hadn't we spent tangled up in the sheets, talking, making love, reading or watching movies. We didn't think life could get any better.

And then Leah was born and our weekend mornings were spent snuggled in bed with the prettiest baby I'd ever laid eyes upon. Bella would nurse her, never covering up when it was just us, and I'd watch with fascinated yet tired eyes. Bella would stroke Leah's fuzzy head and our baby girl would suckle at the breast, her eyes intent on her mama. There were moments that I felt jealous at the closeness they shared but somehow Bella had enough love for us both. After Leah was fully satiated, Bella would pass the milk induced, comatose babe to me and I'd rock her back to sleep. I'd sing softly, and her tiny hand would wrap tightly around my finger. Except it was I was who wrapped around hers. Certainly life couldn't get better than that.

And then my son was born. I know I said Jacob was a difficult baby but we still were able to enjoy quiet times in bed with him, too. Bella would nurse him - until he was almost 18 months, I might add, the boy was a voracious boob man - and I would read Leah Robert Munsch books in silly voices. And when Charlotte arrived, we crammed one more little Cullen in bed with us and life was perfect. So perfect I often felt like my heart would burst.

As the kids got older, we'd often have movie night in our room. All five of us clad in our pajama's, lined up against the headboard of our king sized bed, a big bowl of popcorn passed between us. Charlotte would always fall asleep half way through the movie, Jacob and Leah would have a popcorn fight and Bella would end up with popcorn in her hair. I would carry a sleeping Char back to her bed and the older two would pad barefoot downstairs themselves. Bella and I would tuck them in and they'd declare the night to be the 'best one ever' before they fell right to sleep. Bella and I would go back to our bed and make love among the popcorn kernels.

I smiled at all the fond memories in our bed, either with the kids, a good book, quiet and not so quiet times with my wife. Bella and I had made a pact decades before to never go to bed angry, to keep our room a sanctity, if you will. A few times in our marriage it meant we didn't go to sleep at all, spending the night either yelling or not speaking at all as one or both of us paced around the living room.

I still remembered when we made the decision to never go to bed angry. It was twenty years ago, during our first year of marriage. I'd gotten home from work early and fired up the video games, then called Carlisle who was off, and we played co-operative while we chatted on the phone. Bella and I had a new kitten – I forget her name - and were house sitting Alice and Jasper's stupid little dog as well. Shit, that dog was just as crazy hyper as she was. Alice had named him Vampire because he had two prominent fangs but I called him Stupid. That day, I may or may not have ignored both pets while Carlisle and I forged ahead in our battle.

Bella walked in the door about an hour later, sighing after an apparently long day with her students, toeing off her shoes and dropping her purse on the floor beside them instead of putting it in the closet. I ignored that, knowing bringing it up would only piss her off. Besides, my brother and I were in the middle of a slaughter in the game.

"Did you get dinner started?" Bella asked as she walked and then stopped in front of the television.

"No, I just walked in, too," I lied, craning my neck to look around her. I saw Bella's eyes flicker toward the screen where the timer on the game read sixty-five minutes. If I'd been busted, she said nothing and walked to the kitchen, which was open to the living room. She rather aggressively opened and closed the refrigerator, pulling out ingredients to make dinner. I would have helped but she looked like she had it under control so I continued playing, while still talking to Carlisle, the phone cradled between my ear and shoulder.

"Did you take the dog out?" Bella questioned.

"Uh huh." Another lie.

About ten minutes later, Bella lost it.

"For fucks sake, Edward. Can I get some help here? The friggin' dog just peed on my leg. I thought you said you took him out?"

"I did. Carlisle, did you see that? I just blew that guy's head right off, so sweet."

"Edward!"

I turned my head and watched as our kitten climbed up on the counter and licked the sandwiches that Bella had just prepared.

"Oh my God. I had a day from hell with holy terrors and walk in to the dog pissing on me, the cat licking my sandwiches and you can't even stop playing your stupid video game for ten minutes to help me out? Really?"

"I'll call you back, Carlisle, Bella's bitching at me." I hung up the phone and stared at her, dumbfounded. "Thanks for embarrassing me."

"Thanks for helping me. It would be nice to come home once in a while and have dinner made, you know. Every night I cook for you, every single night, I'm sick of it. Sometimes I want a break, too."

Then I said probably the dumbest thing I could have said.

"Well, I never asked you to make me dinner."

The spatula in her hand that she was using to spread mayo on the bread, launched at my head. It missed, hitting me in the shoulder, spraying mayo all over my new black shirt. Bella growled something incoherent and stomped off to the bedroom; I went back to playing the game. A while later, the buzzer rang and Bella emerged from the bedroom to answer it. What happened next was sheer genius on her part and even though it pissed me off, I can give credit where credit it due.

She had ordered in and as she unpacked the take-out, the garlicky aroma enticed me off the couch and I sat down at the table, not even noticing that there was only one place setting. Bella had ordered deep dish lasagna from my favorite restaurant, and garlic toast with marinara sauce for dipping. It was expensive and being on a budget, not something Bella and I often splurged on but it was Friday night and after a long day, I hoped it made her feel better. The smell alone was making me feel so much better after our little fight, even though Bella still wasn't talking to me.

I was a little disappointed at the portion size and looked inside the brown paper bag for more but the bag was empty. Bella smirked ever so slightly as she moaned with her first bite, a little more obnoxious than she needed to.

"Where's mine?" I whined.

"What?" Bella asked with her mouth stuffed full.

"My lasagna, where is it?"

Bella took a long sip of her red wine then refilled her glass, leaving the wine bottle empty before she answered me.

"Oh, sorry. You didn't ask me to get you any, so I didn't." She cocked me an eyebrow, mocking me with my signature move.

That escalated to a full blown yelling and screaming fight which jack-knifed into smaller arguments about her leaving her purse and shoes lying around, how I spent all my free time playing games, who did more chores around the house, and who spent more money. We went to bed that night still angry, facing away from each other and played tug of war with the quilt the entire night. That could have been easily rectified if one of us would have slept on the couch but we were both too stubborn to give the other the coveted bed. As a result, we both had a shitty sleep because of how we'd left things. First thing in the morning, we calmly talked it out and vowed to never go to bed angry again – something we always adhered to. The make up sex from that fight was totally worth it, though, damn.

Speaking of sex, I had a serious desire for some right about then but Bella's was still fast asleep, even though it was now well after nine. My hand roamed up her smooth leg, from her knee to her thigh and back down. I brushed her hair away from her neck and pressed my lips to the hollow just behind her ear. When Bella didn't respond to my advances, I trailed my tongue along the shell of her ear, then gently bit her lobe, a move that successfully aroused her from her slumber and Bella rolled onto her back. Her eyes stayed closed but her lips were curved into a smile.

I pushed her nightie up, my mouth, tongue and teeth teased her perked nipples as my hand found it's way into her panties. As her orgasm hit her, she quietly moaned and grabbed at my hair. While I kicked off the blankets, Bella shimmied out of her panties and I settled myself on top of her and slid myself into her warm wetness. Often sex with Bella was an unhurried and languid affair, but it had been two days since we'd last made love – a lifetime for me – and I had no plans for slow and sweet. I pulled out and buried myself in her again and again. It didn't take long until Bella was begging me not to stop and at that point, there was no way I could. I slammed into her, three, four, five more times before she combusted, yelling my name and God's which put me over the cusp. With one final thrust, I collapsed on top of hers, my body vibrating from the strong orgasm.

"Damn, baby. I love waking up like that," Bella managed to breathe after a few minutes of recovery time.

"The only bad part is the rest of the day is always so mundane in comparison." I pouted and Bella laughed.

"Well, we have everyone coming over today for the barbeque, that should give you something to look forward to."

"I'll look forward to a repeat of this tonight after everyone goes home." I told her as I got up and walked naked to the shower, feeling my wife's eyes checking me out as I went.

"You still have a great ass, you know that?" Bella complimented. I shook my behind for her and heard her laughing as I shut the door behind me.

We were hosting a barbeque/pot luck with the McCarty and Whitlock families, something we did every few months. The six of us had become good friends over the years and although Alice was still too high-strung for me, Jasper was one of my best friends. Emmett was still boisterous but Bella had long since succumbed to his charms. The girls were a giggling, giddy threesome and truly the best of friends. Our pot luck's started when the kids were little, a way for us to have an inexpensive night out with friends who understood the trials and tribulations of parenthood.

I loved that our kids were growing up together. Adam, my God son, was Rose and Emmett's oldest, born three months before Leah with the complete opposite personality from his father. He was laid back, kept to himself and was pretty studious. Adam had gone out of state for college but was home for spring break and looking forward to seeing everyone again. Paul was the same age as Jake and his father's clone in looks and personality. Often a trouble maker and always the instigator, Rosalie and Emmett had their hands full with him.

Personally, I liked the kid, he reminded me of college aged Emmett, which Em said was the problem – he was seventeen and already into college antics, which made him worry about what college would really be like for him. And Megan, one week older than Charlotte, was a stunning blonde, with her mother's curves and her father's dimples. Megan, Char and Alice and Jasper's only child, Jessica, were inseparable when we got together. The joke in our circle was that we all called each other and planned sex so our kids were born within weeks of each other. Even Nicholas and Bree, Carlisle and Esme's in-vitro babies were born at the right time - in between Jacob and Charlotte in age- although they weren't joining us for the pot luck that night.

While Bella, Charlotte and Leah worked in the kitchen making kebobs, Jacob and I stacked wood by our backyard fire pit and set chairs around it in a circle. Jake and I chatted easily; he was in an especially good mood because Rachel was permitted to come over for the first time since the accident, but only for a few hours and with strict instructions to not even think about sneaking off somewhere for a round of sex or there would be hell to pay.

As soon as everyone arrived, the adults and kids separated into groups the kids hanging out in the basement, listening to music and playing pool while we occupied the back deck. There were no secrets between our friends and Emmett asked how the six weeks had gone with Jacob. I was pleased to tell him that there was minimal sulking and for the most part, he had taken it well. Em said he was jealous because Paul never seamed to learn from his mistakes; Rosalie joked that he was just like his father. Alice and Jasper revealed they had just had a sex talk with Jessica which led to us telling about our talks with our kids. It was nice to know we were all going through similar things with our children and made us feel like we weren't alone.

Later that evening, after we'd all gorged on kebobs, corn on the cob, French bread, green salad, and pie for dessert, the adults and teens were about to separate again, Emmett stood up and asked everyone for their attention. He pulled Rosalie close to his side as he cleared his throat.

"We have an announcement to make. It may come as a surprise to you, and trust me, it was for us too, but, uh, well, Rose is pregnant. Three months already. I'm going to be a dad again!" He grinned proudly and Rosalie couldn't hide her smile. Bella and Alice squealed then hugged Rose while Jasper and I did the same with Emmett, without the squealing.

"What?" Megan exclaimed and when I looked at her face, I could tell she wasn't pleased. "You're kidding, right mom?" Rosalie shook her head and placed a hand on her stomach where there was a small bulge that I hadn't noticed before.

"But, but, you're so OLD!" Megan proclaimed loudly.

"I'm forty-three, Megs, I'm certainly not that old." Rosalie informed her as Adam came up and gave his mom a hug, a gesture she appreciated since Megan wasn't on board and apparently Paul wasn't either because he snorted loudly.

"You guys are funny. Having another baby at your age, ridiculous. What is this, a late April Fool's joke? You do know what causes that right?" Emmett rolled his eyes at his middle child.

"Yes, Paul, I do. Have you forgotten I'm a sex therapist?" I tried not to laugh because it was still funny to me.

"You mean, you two still do it?" Paul looked mortified at his mom and then his dad.

"We still do it, kiddo, and apparently, quite well." Emmett grinned and Paul scowled.

"Gross!" Charlotte said loudly. "I hope you two aren't still doing it." My daughter pointed her finger accusingly at Bella and I.

I wanted to tell her that not only did we still do it, we had done it twelve hours earlier and it was fucking fantastic but a look from my wife advised me to keep my mouth shut. Instead, I smirked and shrugged my shoulders. Gauging from the gagging sounds from the kids, they were not impressed. At all.

Soon after that, the kids went to sit around the fire pit, while the six adults made ourselves comfortable on the deck chairs and asked Rosalie how she was feeling and she told us since she hit ten weeks was she doing good as the shock and morning sickness had subsided. I looked over at Bella and remembered holding her hair back as she dry-heaved the first few months with Leah, for the full nine months with Jake and a few weeks with Charlotte.

"Well, I'm very happy for you guys," I told them. "And I'm also very happy to inform everyone that we will not be following in your foot steps this time around." Bella nodded emphatically, agreeing with me, and Emmett pouted.

"I thought you were fixed?" Jasper asked as he handed out another beer to Emmett and I. Em cracked his can open and we shared a look as we each took a long sip.

"Yeah, I never had the old 'snip snip' done. Heh, heh. Remember that day, Edward?"

Remember? How could I forget? The four of us had gone together to get 'neutered' as Emmett called it. Bella and I and Rose and Emmett had decided separately that we were done with kids. I had convinced my friend that since our amazing women had given birth three times for us, the least we could do was get fixed. It took a lot of convincing on my part but I assured him that we would be the heroes if we put our balls on the line for them, so to speak.

My vasectomy was scheduled for ten and Emmett's at eleven on Friday morning, March 3, 2000. Funny how I still remember the date, but aren't all traumatic events etched in our brain like that. Bella came into the exam room with me as moral support, like I had been there for her during her long labors. The nurse left the room so I could strip off my pants and boxers in privacy which I laughed at because in a minute she was going to see me in my naked glory anyways.

As I sat on the table with the paper covering my most intimate parts, I tapped the space beside me, asking Bella if she wanted one last quickie before it was too late. The doctor came into the room right then and took notice of Bella's blushing face.

"You wouldn't be the first man to joke about that," he told us with a wink. "Are you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be." I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves.

It was good and bad having Bella in the room. Good because she held my hand and looked in my eyes the entire time, silently telling me how much she loved me. Bad because I knew she could see the fear in my eyes – something I thought of as a weakness – and watched as I winced and scrunched up my face while I was poked and prodded. The whole procedure took thirty minutes and the doctor and his nurse were so professional that it was less humiliating that I thought it would be. I was sent home with a prescription for pain meds and several ice packs. Because we'd traveled with Emmett and Rosalie, and his appointment was next, Bella helped me to the waiting room where I took my seat beside Emmett. A few minutes later, his name was called and I wished him good luck as he was led back for the routine procedure.

Except Emmett's was anything but routine. After the freezing was done, Em passed out. Let me tell you about my friend, he is six foot four, built like a line backer and weighs two hundred and fifty pounds of pure muscle. The guy worked out – still does – and he is a burly, sturdy man. It's true what they say - the bigger they are, the harder they fall. From the waiting room, Bella and I heard the thump, but thought nothing of it until the paramedics came through the door. Emmett had fainted, fell right off the bed, hit his head so hard on the floor, giving himself a concussion. But even the hard hit didn't even rouse him. The doctor and nurse couldn't lift him, even with Rosalie's help, so they had no choice but to call in the medics. He managed to walk out on his own accord about an hour and a half later.

For the next five plus days, I had to sit with ice packs in my groin, avoid heavy lifting, abstain from sex for a week and listen to Emmett bitch every time he called about his headache from falling off the table. Yeah, like that was anything like the throbbing between my legs. I absentmindedly rubbed my groin as I remembered and Jasper laughed at my expense.

"Not something you recommend there, buddy?"

"I kind of feel the need to get some ice, right about now." I told the group as I stood up. "Kidding, I have to go to the bathroom."

"Yeah, right," Emmett scoffed. "You're going to check and see if it still works," he teased. I flipped him off as I went inside. I used the bathroom and as I was heading back to the patio, a noise from the second floor caught my attention. Knowing everyone was outside, I went to investigate. As I walked up the stairs, I muttered to myself.

"So help me, God, if Jacob and Rachel snuck away from the party for a quickie in his room, I am not responsible for my actions." I shook my head, already planning punishments in advance. Outside Jake's room, I put my ear against the door, listening for anything out of the ordinary then I opened it. When I saw it was empty, I breathed a sigh of relief. I must have been hearing things. As I joined my friends outside, I was shaking my head at myself for thinking the worst of my son.

"What are you smirking to yourself about?" Jasper asked when I sat back down.

"It's nothing. I heard a noise upstairs and automatically thought Jake snuck away for a quickie with Rachel but he's sitting right there." I gestured over at where the kids were lounging around the fire pit.

"If anyone's up here having sex, no doubt it's Paul." Emmett nervously chuckled as he looked over at the kids. "He's there too, it's all good." I noticed his brow furrow though, and looked again, counting heads like I used to do when we'd go swimming with the kids. Jake was sitting with Rachel on one side, Paul on the other; Charlotte, Jessie and Megan sitting at Paul's left. Notably absent were Leah and Adam. I looked at Emmett and he looked at me.

"No way." Em shook his head at me. We both stood up at the same time and headed into the house to the second floor. We hesitated outside Leah's room for a moment unsure what we should do, then Emmett turned the door knob and opened the door slowly.

We found them all right. Leah and Adam were nestled together on her bed, completely oblivious to us. Her leg was hitched over his, their mouths joined in an intense kiss; and his hand was under her shirt caressing her boob. It took a moment for that to register: HIS HAND WAS ON HER BOOB!

All I could muster was growly 'what the fuck' and suddenly there was a frantic scramble of limbs - arms and legs flailing about. As they both stood up, guilty looks on their red faces, I was looking at a bad news/good news situation.

The good news was that Leah had on a spaghetti strap tank top, thank God, unfortunately she was clearly without a bra. The other good news was that Adam had his clothes on, albeit slightly skewed, the top few buttons of his dress shirt undone, and no longer tucked into his pants. The very bad news - McCarty was sporting wood, big time. I didn't know which was worse – my daughter's perky nipples or Adam's very apparent boner. Silently, I reached for Leah's hoodie and passed it to her, my eyes narrowed at Adam.

"What the fuck is your son doing in my daughter's bedroom?" I whisper yelled at Emmett.

"How the fuck should I know?" He whispered back.

"Dad, we weren't doing anything," Leah said quietly.

"Holy shit!" Jacob's voice came from behind as he pushed himself into the room to see what was going on.

"Get out, Jake," Leah yelled at her brother as she quickly put on her hoodie.

"Oh, this ought to be good." Jacob smirked; I turned around and glared at him.

"And what exactly are you doing up here with your girlfriend, Jacob?" I cocked him and Rachel an eyebrow and he stammered gibberish before he and Rachel buggered off downstairs.

I turned to face the two blushing kids.

"Uncle Edward, I mean Mr. Cullen, I can explain. We, uh…." Adam was at a loss for words.

"We were just talking and then we kissed and…" Leah explained.

"And suddenly your bra disappeared and Adam was trying to locate it?" I offered.

"Sir, I can assure you, my intentions were honorable."

I scoffed at the word honorable, interrupting him.

"Actually, I feel quite strongly towards your daughter and have for some time," Adam continued.

"Is Leah the girl you've been telling me about? The one that makes you put your foot in your mouth; who you've been pining after for years?" Emmett revealed and Adam blushed more but nodded. Em ran his fingers through his hair and turned to me, asking for a minute alone.

"Both of you, in the living room in five minutes." I instructed. Emmett and I left Leah's room, leaving the door open. Bella and Rosalie were waiting in the hallway and followed Emmett and I downstairs. I poured myself a scotch and tossed it back unceremoniously.

"Edward, I can honestly tell you that Adam has been talking about Leah for years. Only I didn't know it was Leah he was infatuated with. He'd only tell me she was the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, that he loved her and would give her the world if only she'd let him."

"That's great, Em. So they decided to fuck under my roof while we're all outside. Awesome." I just knew I was going to wake up in the morning with a full head of grey hair.

"They weren't fucking, they still had their clothes on." I narrowed my eyes at my friend. Bella wisely stepped between us.

"What exactly did you walk in on?" Rosalie asked as she sat down on the love seat with Emmett. Bella urged me over to the couch and I grudgingly sat down.

"Adam and Leah were making out in her room," Emmett explained, with a nonchalant shoulder shrug.

"With their clothes off," I clarified.

"Don't be so dramatic, Edward. Leah was in a tank top-"

"With no bra, thank you very much." I added and Emmett rolled his eyes.

"Adam was fully dressed. And, personally, I don't think they were doing anything wrong. Technically, they were both decent."

"There wasn't anything decent about the tent your son with pitching in his pants." I folded my arms across my chest.

"That could be considered a compliment." Emmett informed me with a half smirk. I contemplated smacking him upside the head but Bella grabbed onto my arm, dissuading me.

"Okay, two teenagers were caught making out. I don't see what the issue is." Rosalie wondered.

I rubbed my hands over my face.

"The problem is," I explained with a strained voice. "That six weeks ago, Leah sat right here and bawled her eyes out over some loser who broke her heart. And now she's making out with some other guy."

"He's not just 'some other guy', Edward. It's Adam, your God son, remember?" Rosalie reminded me.

"Right now, he's not my God son as much as the guy who was trying to get in my daughter's pants."

"They are both consenting adults." Rose shrugged one shoulder.

"I'm also an adult and I'm not consenting to their consenting." I told them. "Bella, why are you not more upset?" She had a look about her that I couldn't decipher.

"This afternoon, Leah and I were talking as we were getting the food ready. She confessed that she was excited and nervous to see Adam. Apparently, they've been talking a fair bit via Facebook and text message since she and James broke up. Leah told me she more than liked him and was kind of hoping he was going to kiss her tonight."

"Well, he certainly did that." I snorted.

"Aww, that's so sweet, that she was hoping he'd kiss her, I mean," Rosalie gushed and I rolled my eyes.

"You didn't think she'd stay single forever, did you?" Emmett asked and I shrugged.

"Would that be so bad?" I pouted.

"Edward, there are far worse guys for Leah to be interested in." Bella's voice was calm and reassuring.

"Like James," Emmett suggested and I growled at his name. Em sat down beside me and put his arm around my shoulders. "Believe me, Edward, if Adam hurts Leah like James did, you'll have to stand in line to beat the shit out of him. You know I love Leah like a daughter and I wouldn't be okay with this if Adam were like Paul, but he's not, he's a good kid. Ad has a good heart and I'm not just saying that because I'm his father. When they were babies, you said you wanted Adam to marry Leah, remember?"

"Well, that was before he tried to fuck her." I told him and Emmett shook his head, calling my words 'theatrics'.

"Knock, knock. Can we come in?" I looked up to see Leah and Adam walking into the living room, their fingers laced together, looking very much like a couple. Rosalie went to Adam's side, almost in moral support but perhaps she was there to protect him if I decided to take him out. Adam spoke first, addressing me specifically.

"I wanted to apologize for being disrespectful in your home, Uncle Edward and Aunt Bella. I'm very sorry and I hope you can forgive me." Rosalie rubbed his back as he spoke.

"I brought Adam to my room because he was going to fix my laptop for me and one thing led to another and we kissed. And I guess we got carried away. It won't happen again." Leah explained and I raised my eyebrows, not convinced as she continued.

"We both kind of, sort of, like each other. I'm not ready for any big steps, Dad, if that's what you're afraid of. When Adam goes back to school next week, we're going to go back to texting and stuff. We both want to take it slow. Please don't hold this against him, against us." Her voice was pleading. I knew everyone was waiting for me to speak but I needed a minute. Eventually, Bella verbally coaxed me.

"Edward."

I sighed, somewhat dramatically.

"You may almost be an adult, Leah, but you're still my little girl. I don't want to see you get hurt again. No offence, Adam but you could be the Pope courting my daughter and you still wouldn't be good enough."

"Dad." Leah narrowed her eyes at me.

"Fine. Adam, I accept your apology. Leah, the same rules apply to you as they do for Jacob and Charlotte – no boys in your room. When Adam visits, if you want to make out, you have to do it your car in the driveway and be uncomfortable with the gear shift getting in your way like everyone else. And if those windows get too steamed up, I'm coming out with a baseball bat."

"That's fair. Thank you, Daddy. Is it okay if we go sit by the fire again?" Leah asked hopefully and Bella said she thought that was a good idea.

Eventually, the four of us went out to the deck to join Alice and Jasper who were looking rather cozy on one of the lounge chairs. Emmett wagged a finger at them and told them to cool it or Big, mean Daddy Edward was going to douse them with a hose. His comment earned him an arm punch and a glaring look.

For the next few hours, we all sat around talking and reminiscing about the times we'd been caught in compromising positions by our parents. Eventually, my anger dissipated and I wasn't feeling quiet as upset as I had been, although I still didn't like Ad all that much. I looked over at the fire pit and noticed Leah and Adam were sitting across from each other but both had their phones out and I suspected they were texting each other. Rachel and Jacob, on the other hand, were full on making out and I had Emmett yell at them to cool it, which, thankfully, they did. I tell you, there was never a dull moment around our place.

**I have to tell you that the whole "I never asked you to make me supper" and subsequent fight actually happened when the hubs and I were first married. The dog did pee on my leg and the cat licked the bread. The difference was the next day I made my husband's favorite meal: Steak, crab legs, baked potato with all the fixings, caesar salad and french bread. Then I promptly ate it while he made himself a peanut butter sandwich. All couple's fight, some just fight dirtier that others LOL**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you for the kind reviews last chapter, they made me smile like they always do. This chapter is a little lighter and we get to meet drunk Edward - I :heart: him. I don't love James who returns briefly in this chapter.**

**Chapter 7**

Over the years, I've learned there are teaching opportunities for children everywhere. Waiting in line at the grocery store teaches them patience, falling off their bike is a good lesson on never giving up; the last cookie teaches three kids about sharing. Or it could teach them that if you fight over the last cookie, your Dad will eat it just to stop the bickering, but you get the point. Some lessons are stupid things everyone has to learn on their own. For example, you only have to put your tongue on a frozen metal pole once to learn it will get stuck, that merry-go-rounds are anything but merry. And wet cat food tastes disgusting, or was that something only I discovered as a kid?

My boy Jake has learned more than a few lessons the hard way. Like when going commando, pull your zipper up extra carefully. Sadly, it took him three times to learn that. I tried hard not to laugh when he asked Bella to kiss it better. When he was six, he discovered that Lego up your asshole hurts - don't even ask! At seven, he found out that if you use your sled on the stairs inside the house, you can put a hole in the wall with your fat head and can break your arm simultaneously. Jacob was also the child who learned at age nine that sticking lima beans up your nose to get out of eating them at dinner can result in minor surgery to remove them. Although I can't fault him on that, lima beans are disgusting.

Jacob isn't alone in his stupidity lessons. When Charlotte was four, she learned if you tell your mom she is fat and your dad he is stupid, you go to bed without a story and no snuggles. She wasn't the first to figure out that lying to me, either about stealing a chocolate bar from the store or telling me that she cleaned her room when in fact she'd just tossed everything in the closet, was a bad idea. She was, however, the first to think that she could steal a twenty dollar bill from my wallet and not get caught. Think again, sweetheart, think again.

Growing up, Leah was more cautious than the other two but she was schooled as well. At five years old, she discovered sticking your finger really far up your nose can cause a nose bleed and daddy doesn't like blood and will pass you tissues while he puts his head between his knees. Yes, that was a father of the year award day. She also found out when you make a face, it won't really stay that way despite what your parents tell you.

And now I can attest to the fact that all three have experienced how painful a hangover can be. Those grey hairs I admired in the mirror the other day, just multiplied.

Leah's first experience with alcohol was at her best friend's seventeenth birthday sleepover. There, the inexperienced girls mixed white wine, rum and tonic water, bartenders they were not. A valuable lesson to be learned from that alone - do not to mix your poisons. At three in the morning, the birthday girl's distraught parents called to ask us to pick up our intoxicated daughter. When Leah vomited all over the interior of my car, I dry heaved it back to the house and part of her punishment was to clean it up until I was satisfied it no longer reeked of puke. Nasty.

It was last summer when I caught a drunk Jacob coming in past his curfew, trying desperately to quietly sneak in the house undetected as he stomped up the stairs and banged into walls.

Have you ever noticed that the words 'quiet' and 'drunk' just don't go together? I remember being sixteen and trying so hard to be quiet when Carlisle brought my drunk ass home from LaPush beach. He was pissed at me because I was an obnoxious drunk and had embarrassed him in front of his friends. It had all started with a game of truth or date, which led to me streaking naked down the beach. Trust me, I felt the shame the next day more than the hang over. In any case, that night Carlisle tried unsuccessfully to get me into my bed without waking up our parents.

"Edward, shut up! You're going to wake the whole damn neighborhood." Carlisle complained as he pulled my dead weight out of the car when we got home. I ignored him and continued singing, because doesn't everyone have the best singing voice when they are drunk?

"Watching every motion in my foolish lover's game. On this endless ocean finally lovers know no shame. Turning and returning to some secret place inside. Watching in slow motion as you turn around and say…..Take my breath away!" I belted out the chorus extra loud and Carlisle shushed me again.

"I get it, you love 'Top Gun' but do you need to sing that song all the friggin time? Come on, let's get you inside." Carlisle managed to maneuver me so I was leaning against the car and he slammed the passenger door closed. He slung my arm around him and we started up the driveway for the front door.

"You don't like Top Gun? Dude, it's the best movie ever! How about I sing 'Heaven In Your Eyes'?" I went into a very poor rendition of the love song for my brother.

"Ohhh, wooo oooh…..I can tell by the look in your eyes you've been hurting. You know I'll never let you down, oh no. And I'll try anything to keep it working. You gave me time to find out, what my heart was looking for and what I'm feeling inside, in your eyes. I wanna see your love again."

"Edward! If you fucking kiss me, I'm going to break your pretty face."

That was hilarious to drunk me and I started laughing and snorting.

"God, I love you man. No shit, you're the best fucking brother ever. I really fucking love you, bro."

Carlisle rolled his eyes and put his key into the front door lock. Before he opened it, he made me look at him and spoke to me sternly.

"Listen to me, E. If Dad catches you drunk off your ass like this, you're grounded, like forever. That means you won't be able to see Bella outside of school. Think about this!" I tried really hard to focus on his eyes but I was having trouble and blinked several times.

"Right. Grounded forever. No Bella. Gotcha." I slapped my hand against my cheek hard in an attempt to sober myself up but it only succeeded to make my cheek sting. Carlisle tried another approach to get me to understand.

"Okay, think like you're going into the danger zone here, bro. Dad is the bad guy and-"

"And you're my wingman! Get it, wing man?" Drunk me cracked me up.

"Focus, Edward, focus. Danger zone ahead." Carlisle put his finger to his lips but by then, the song was in my head.

"Revvin' up your engine, listen to her howlin' roar. Metal under tension, beggin' you to touch and go. Highway to the Danger Zone. Ride into the Danger Zone."

Without warning, the door I was leaning on for support was opened and I literally fell inside yet didn't stop singing. Carlisle was right, my Dad was furious. I was hauled to my feet and dragged to the kitchen table where I was shoved into a chair. For three quarters of an hour, I was forced to listen to a lecture on how bad alcohol was for my liver, blah, blah, blah. And yes, I actually said 'blah, blah, blah' and subsequently got a lecture on respecting my elders. When all was said and done, my father grounded me for a very long time. I don't remember the specifics now but it was harsh. As I was about to leave the kitchen that night, my father asked if I had anything to say for myself.

"Yes, in fact I do." I slurred.

"Well?" He waited expectantly. I started speaking quietly and my father looked confused by what I was saying.

"Now there's no welcome look in your eyes when I reach for you. And now you're starting to criticize little things I do. It makes me just feel like crying. Cause baby, something in you is dying." And then I broke out singing one last time.

"You lost that lovin' feeling, whoa, that lovin' feeling. You've lost that lovin' feeling, now it's gone…gone… gone…wooooah."

Go figure, my singing didn't go over very well with my father either. And when dad lost more than that loving feeling, I lost it too, throwing up all over my mother's handmade, crocheted lace tablecloth. At least Charlotte had the common courtesy to throw up on tile. You see, while we were dealing with the Adam and Leah boob incident, Charlotte had swiped an opened bottle of red wine from the house and her, Jessie and Megan snuck off to her room. As the adults cleaned up, we heard the giggles from her second floor bedroom all the way in the kitchen but thought nothing of it. Hell, Rose, Bella and Alice were in their forties and giggled as bad as that, if not worse.

When it was time for the Whitlock's and McCarty's to leave, Emmett yelled up the stairs but the music was so loud the girls didn't hear. He volunteered to grab both Jessie and Meg and returned to the kitchen a few minutes later looking rather furious, holding onto a very giddy Megan. Jessica behind her had the glassy eyes and was swaying on her feet but Emmett caught her before she toppled over. Before I could get a word out, Charlotte stumbled into the room, and hiccupped loudly.

I thought Alice was going to have a mental break down when she saw her sweet Jessica completely hammered. Ever calm, Jasper thanked us for a lovely evening and told Jessie to say goodbye to her friends because they were leaving. I found out later, she threw up all over the back seat of Jasper's LandRover, the smell alone causing Alice to vomit all over the front. It must have been a long drive back for poor Jazz that night.

Emmett and Rosalie were lucky in that Megan didn't throw up at all, either because she didn't have as much as the other two or because she could handle her liquor. Well, I thought they got off lucky – personally, the stench of vomit invoked violent dry heaves for me. Then Emmett pointed out how bad that was because Megan also didn't suffer from a hangover the next day which meant she was more likely to do it again. It also took away the fun part of being a parent, spending the next day playing loud music, stomping around the house and yelling for no reason like I liked to do.

As for Charlotte, she lost her cookies (and kebobs and wine) on the kitchen floor which was good and bad. Good because it wasn't on the carpet, bad because it was easier for her to clean up. Since the clean up was too easy for her, the next day, I forced her to play 'Dance Dance Revolution' with me, hang over and all. And just like that, we had another child grounded; another life lesson learned the hard way.

In the subsequent weeks after that night, Leah discovered that no many how many times she apologized for what happened with Adam, I wasn't soon to forget the groping boob incident. She assured me it was just kissing (even though I saw the boob grope for myself) but admitted in to Bella that it was some of the best kissing she'd ever done. My wife was happy that she was interested in Adam, who was not only her best friend's son but a genuine, nice kid. I couldn't dispute that but still glared at him when he did come by to visit, feeling very much like I was channeling Charlie Swan. I had been duped by James and he turned out to be an asshole so, until proven otherwise, any boy who dated either of my daughters simply wasn't good enough, my God son included. Yes, I was turning into an over-protective father and I didn't care. Seeing Leah's broken heart the night of our sex talk was etched in my brain; I never wanted to see her get hurt again.

Adam started coming home for weekends now that he and Leah were seeing each other. He was attending Boise State which meant it was a good eight plus hour drive each way all so he could spend all day Saturday and a few hours on Sunday with her. It almost impressed me that he did it for her. Almost.

One Sunday, Leah invited Adam over for an early lunch so they could hang out before he went back to school later that afternoon. Jacob was studying at Rachel's and Charlotte was babysitting so it was going to be just the four of us. Before the meal, Leah pulled me aside.

"Adam really is a nice guy and I like him a lot. Maybe you can get past the whole kissing in my room thing," she pleaded.

"You mean the hand-on-your-boob-while-making-out-in-your-room thing?"

"Charlotte was caught dry humping in her room and she's fifteen. I am four years older, do you think you can cut me – and him – some slack, already?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Can you try to be nice to him? He is your God son after all."

"I'm well aware of that. I used to change that kid's diaper, I'll have you know. And, between you and me, it wasn't much to write home about," I retorted.

"Daddy!" Leah scolded and I snickered at my own joke. "Please, just be nice."

"You make it sound like I'm horrible to him!" I protested.

"No, you're just not overly friendly to him. Don't give me that look; you know what I'm talking about. You give him one-word answers to any question he asks."

I shrugged, knowing full well I was guilty.

"I'm sorry, Leah. I can't stand to see you get hurt again, it really broke my heart." I put my hand on my chest as I told her; Leah put her hand on top of mine and smiled at me.

"I love that you are trying to protect of me, really I do. But I kind of like Adam and we're having fun getting to know each other."

"Yeah, I saw you having fun with his hands all over your boobs."

Leah said nothing but glared at me and I caved.

"Fine, I'll try to be nicer." I gave her a big, fake smile.

"Thank you." Leah gave me a hug and tugged my hand toward the dining room. When we got there, the first thing I noticed was that Adam was sitting in my seat. I glared at the back of his head and took a seat across from him.

"Adam, would you like to say grace before we start?" I asked politely. In my peripheral vision I saw Bella shake her head, knowing full well we didn't pray before meals; I deftly avoided Leah's glare.

"Uh, sure." Adam bowed his head and closed his eyes and I was promptly kicked in the shin by Leah, a bonus of her long legs that she could reach. My eyes met hers and she silently scolded me. I put my finger to my lips to shush her, reverently bowed my own head and closed my eyes as Adam started the prayer.

"Heavenly Father, thank you for the food we are about to eat. May it nourish and strengthen our bodies. Thank you for this time with friends we care about. In His name, Amen."

"Amen," repeated Bella and Leah. I scowled because he hadn't screwed it up.

Bella told us to dig in so we all helped ourselves to the lunch she'd prepared of fresh baked bread, deli meats, potato salad, bean salad and fruit.

"I've been meaning to ask what I should call you now that I'm dating Leah," Adam said after a brief lull. "Mr. Cullen seams so formal when I usually call you Uncle Edward."

Bella suggested 'Edward' at the same time I insisted on 'Mr. Cullen'.

"Well, I'm still Aunt Bella, even if _he_ wants to be called Mr. Cullen." Bella winked at Adam. "Tell us how school's going. What are you taking?"

"Well, right now I'm taking some general studies, mostly writing courses."

"Are you wanting to go into publishing like your mom or editing like Uncle Edward?" Bella asked. Adam finished swallowing before he answered.

"Actually, I want to be a writer." I literally choked, coughing and sputtering on my water. My loving wife and darling daughter both ignored me completely while I tried to catch my breath. Adam misunderstood my reaction and blushed.

"I know it's not a prestigious as being a doctor or a lawyer, but it's something I enjoy, and I think I'm good at it," he explained.

"I think it's cool. Maybe you'll be the next E.A. Masen." Leah smiled as she looked at Adam but he shook his head.

"Yeah, romance isn't my forte. What is it about that author, anyways? Women swoon over his gag-me, romantic books and they aren't even all that good, if you ask me." Adam took another bite of his sandwich.

"Have you read a full novel, Adam, or are you basing your opinion on snippets you've read?" I asked, slightly annoyed.

"I've read enough." He shrugged like it wasn't a big deal, but it was to me.

"Surely an author who has written eighteen novels in twenty years must be some sort of genius, no?" I tried not to glare at the boy as he answered.

"Perhaps. Or maybe he or she knows his target audience well enough and can bang out another monotonous book with similar characters and situations in his or her sleep. And what's up with the whole elusiveness anyways?" Adam wondered.

"I think it's neat, the not knowing," Leah commented. "I imagine the author is an old woman, writing about the chivalrous men from her past who once courted her."

"I agree, the elusiveness is all part of the author's charm." Bella sighed happily. "But, I disagree. I think the author is male. A tall, dark and handsome man who's writing about his wife." I smiled until Adam opened his big, fat, obnoxious mouth.

"I think he's a closet homosexual, balding and obese with bad breath. Wouldn't that be the kicker? He writes romantic novels that women fall for but is so far from the persona he writes about." Adam popped a grape in his mouth after he finished talking.

Was it too much to ask for him to choke on one? Geez.

I clenched my jaw and bounced my knee in anger as Leah and Bella both laughed at Adam's statement. Seeing the anger building within me, Bella placed her hand on my knee.

"Well, whomever he or she is, I think they are wonderful. They must have a lot of good in them if they can write such heart-warming stories all the time." Bella tried to placate me and I appreciated her attempt, though it was futile.

"Or they are really a psychopath that has fooled everyone for years," piped up Adam.

"You really don't like the guy, do you?" I asked, trying to keep my voice even.

"I really don't care either way."

"Jealous, perhaps?" I suggested and Adam laughed.

"Hardly. Besides being a tad boring, the books aren't all that well written, either. I could do much better than that." He mocked.

"I'd like to see you try," I muttered under my breath but Bella quickly talked over me.

"So, how is it you know so much about E.A. Masen?" She asked.

"In my creative writing class, our first assignment was to chose an author to research and since I knew Masen was published by my mom's company, and she had met with the author on a few occasions, I thought mom would have some inside scoop for me."

"Did she?" I asked. It would have made sense if she'd told him all about me and that he was saying all those things to get under my skin but Adam denied it.

"Nope, mom refused to tell me anything. Don't get me wrong, I may not like the writing style or genre but that doesn't mean I don't think he or she is bit of a genius. I mean, hiding behind the publisher for twenty years, keeping the public guessing, brilliant." Adam took a sip of her water before he continued. "After eighteen books, they have never once had a public recognition for their hard work - it probably hasn't been easy to sit back, best-seller after best-seller, and not be able to reap some of the rewards, you know?"

Finally, something intelligent came out of his mouth. Didn't mean I liked him better, though.

Eventually, the conversation branched off into a different direction when Adam praised Bella for the excellent meal and asked about her potato salad recipe because he loved it so much. I thought he was sucking up but Bella thanked him. As they chatted, there was a knock at the front door and I excused myself to answer it, ready with my 'we don't want any' speech for whomever was soliciting. I opened the door and was stunned to see James standing on my front porch. Quickly, I pulled the door closed behind me.

"What the hell do you want?" I growled, taking a step closer to him.

"I came to see Leah, is she home?"

I snorted, loudly.

"You're kidding, right?" It was a rhetorical question but dumb ass answered.

"No, sir. I love her and I'm here to get her back." James reply came in a very calm voice, which surprised me considering I was about to kick his ass; I balked at his audacity.

"Like hell you are. You had your chance and you blew it."

James was unbelievably arrogant and tried to step around me to the door. I took a step forward, effectively pushing him back as our chests bumped together.

"I do believe I came here to talk to Leah, not you, Edward."

"It's Mr. Cullen to you."

"Whatever." He narrowed his eyes at me in defiance.

"Not whatever. I know about the pregnancy scare and how you treated my daughter after she told you."

James rolled his eyes.

"Well, she wasn't knocked up so it's fine, isn't it?"

"It most certainly is not fine. You broke my daughter's heart and that is not something I take lightly. I also know all about your little whore on the side." I cocked him an eyebrow.

"I guess you don't need to have a whore with a gorgeous woman like Bella for a wife. I imagine she's pretty good in bed." He rudely gestured with his hand to his groin indicating to me that he fantasized about my wife. If that wasn't enough to piss me off he smugly continued. "Not like your daughter. I should have known not to sleep with a virgin, they're never very good."

You can bet your ass I fucking lost it. I grabbed him roughly by the scruff of his shirt and slammed his back up against the house. The force was hard enough that I visibly knocked the wind out of him and there were beads of sweat forming on his brow. I was thankful that we lived on a dead end street and the front of my house was shaded from the street by a huge tree. I could seriously fuck him up if I wanted - and I did want to - and no one could see a damn thing.

"If you ever think inappropriate thoughts about my wife again, I will hunt you down and skin you alive but not before I sodomize you with a hammer." My voice was low as I growled at him. Before I could continue with my threat, the front door was opened and Adam's voice interrupted me. I let go of James and smacked my hands over his chest, to straighten his shirt out.

"Is everything okay out here?"

I didn't turn to look at Adam, keeping my eyes locked on James' dark ones.

"Everything is fine, Adam. Go inside," I commanded. After I heard the door close, I snarled at James again, pushing him against the house again, my forearm across his throat.

"The same goes for my daughter, James. If you dare to approach Leah again, so help me, you are a dead man. No one fucks with my family. Do you understand?"

James nodded his head and I released my hold.

"Now, get the fuck out of my face and off my God damned property, you worthless piece of shit."

James opened his mouth to say something but I narrowed my eyes at him menacingly and he wisely kept quiet. As he walked away from me, I crossed my arms over my chest and resisted the urge to literally kick his ass to the curb. I heard the front door open again and Leah rushed passed me.

"James, wait!"

"Leah, don't." I took a few steps down the walk way to stop her but she spun around and held her hand out to me. There was a fire in her eyes that I'd only ever seen in myself so I let her be.

"James, please, wait." He stopped, turned around and flashed me a smug grin as Leah walked forward, only stopping when they were a foot apart - too close for my comfort.

"What is it, baby girl?" His voice dripped with artificial sweetness and I wanted to yell at the son of a bitch that she was, and would always be, MY baby girl.

"I don't like the way things ended between us." I heard Leah tell him. James reached up with his hand and brushed a strand of hair away from her face; I took another step closer.

"I don't either, babe."

Without batting an eye, Leah slammed her right hook into his jaw and a split second later, brought her leg up, kneeing James in the groin so hard I felt the pain and involuntarily winced. He groaned and dropped to the ground in a heap, his hands cupping his balls, as he literally sobbed.

"There, I feel better about how things ended now." Leah turned around and started back toward the house, satisfied smile on her face. She paused briefly then addressed him again. "Oh, and James? I am not your baby and if you ever call me that again, I will really make your balls hurt. Now, get the fuck out of my sight."

God, I was so proud! Leah came to stand by my side and I put my arm around her shoulder. It took James a minute to get up and hobble to his car, and I snickered at his discomfort.

"That was hard-core, Leah, I'm ridiculously proud," I praised as I kissed her temple.

"Thanks. Can you do something for me?"

"Anything," I told her.

"Do you think you can take me to the hospital, I'm pretty sure I broke my hand."

Leah held out her right hand out for me and it was already swollen and almost double its normal size.

"Shit, sweetie. Yeah, let me grab my keys, hang on."

Bella and Adam were waiting by the front door; Adam went to see Leah and I asked Bella to grab an ice pack while I grabbed my keys. Adam helped Leah into the front seat of my car, leaning over her to buckle her seat belt and then gently put ice on her fractured hand. He apologized that he couldn't come with us but he had to leave to make the long drive back to school. I averted my eyes as they shared a tender kiss goodbye but did clear my throat when I thought it had gone on long enough. When I heard the passenger door close, I started the car and backed out of the driveway, making my way to the hospital.

"I have to admit, Adam's looking better and better, kiddo." I winked my daughter and she smiled, even though I could tell she was in pain.

"I knew you'd eventually like him."

"I always did like him, I just don't like him with his hands all over your boobs."

"Give it up, Dad."

"Sorry," I apologized sheepishly.

The wait at the hospital wasn't too bad and Leah was x-rayed, casted and sent home after only a few hours. Even though it wasn't under the best circumstances, it was nice to have the one and one time with my daughter. On the drive home, we talked openly about her relationship with Adam. She confided that simply hearing his voice or seeing a text from him made her feel giddy inside. Leah shook her head as she said she couldn't explain the weird feeling in the pit of her stomach, almost like fizzy pop sitting in her belly, that she felt even talking about him. I admitted that after decades, I still felt that way about her mom, and we agreed it was a pretty great feeling. We drove the rest of the way home in silence, each of us with a goofy smile on our face. That day, my daughter taught me that she was tougher than she looked and could certainly take care of herself. And I also learned that she was falling in love with a boy named Adam who'd better take care of my little girl or else.

**Are you proud of Leah? And what about drunk, singing Edward? I love young Edward! **

**I think I may have acquired a pre-reader for this story and should probably look for a Beta since I'm sure my less than perfect grammar skills give you a headache. That means there will be a bit of a delay in getting chapters up but I hope it will make things that much better. Hope you lovely readers/reviewers are okay with that?**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello again! Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter - many of you were glad Leah kicked some ass! I got a lot of notifications that people were putting this story on alert and favorite - THANK YOU! **

**This chapter was pre-read by Lolo84, thank you so much!**

**Chapter 8**

It was a Friday afternoon and I had the whole house to myself. Instead of enjoying it by walking around naked because I could, I had locked myself in my office – not naked – trying to write. Unfortunately, I was suffering from my first experience of writer's block. I drummed my fingers on the keyboard, scratched my head and paced around the room until I decided it was best not to force it. I went to the backyard with my cup of coffee and stared off into space, trying to unblock myself.

This was a first I wasn't fond of, unlike some first experiences that I thought back upon and smiled. As a parent, I distinctly remember the first cry of Leah, Jacob and Charlotte as they were born into this world and the look on my wife's face as she met her children. First tooth, haircut, steps and the first time each child said 'Daddy' in a sweet little voice, all rank up there in my top ten fondest memories.

I remembered all the vices as a teen: first cigarette, joint, beer and kiss, although my first kiss when I was thirteen with a girl named Jane was nothing compared to the first kiss I shared with Bella. And even though it coincided with meeting her Dad for the first time, it was still a pretty great memory.

Surprisingly, our inaugural kiss didn't happen the night of the dance. It was about a week later, outside her house one day after school. I was leaning against the passenger door of my grey Honda Civic, admiring how adorable Bella looked as she kicked at an imaginary rock. I placed my hands on her waist and pulled her to stand between my legs.

"Why are you fidgeting?" I asked and Bella shrugged.

"I don't know. I was just thinking."

"About?" I asked. Bella looked down and I coaxed her chin up with my hand to get her to look into my eyes.

"I was trying to figure out what we are."

"That's easy, you're Bella, and I'm Edward."

"Not that, silly. Like, am I your girlfriend?" She wrinkled her nose and I thought it was adorable.

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?" I asked, giving her a crooked smile that made her blush.

"Well, yeah, but it's just that you haven't kissed me or anything. I mean we hold hands and stuff at school and I like you but maybe you don't like me in that way." As she looked at me, her big brown eyes and her lower lip pouted in tandem. That was my first introduction to the pitiful expression and I laughed.

"Are you pouting?"

"No." The lip protruded even further. Damn, it was cute, sexy and persuasive. I wanted to attach my lips to her pouty one and nibble on it.

"You are." I laughed louder and Bella furrowed her brow. "You like me, huh? Like a lot, or a little?" I teased.

Bella crossed her arms over her chest. "Right now I don't like you very much at all."

"Oh really? So if I were to kiss you right now it would be the worst thing ever?"

"Probably."

"Probably?" I snorted as I tugged on her hands to uncross her arms. "Would you deck me if I tried?"

"You never know, I might."

"Some how, I doubt that." I whispered as I brought my face close to hers. "But if you do, can you avoid my face, we have class photos next week and I don't want to be sporting a black eye."

"Sorry, no promises." Bella was a little tease and it was driving me crazy, in a good way. I pulled away and shrugged.

"I guess our first kiss will have to wait then." I crossed my arms over my chest and stared off down the street pretending like I didn't care, even though I thought my heart might explode with anticipation.

"Fine." Bella retorted.

"Fine." I said.

"Fine." She said again and I knew she was the type who always needed to have the last word; I bit my tongue so I wouldn't say anything, tempting as it was. The seconds ticked by, both of us too stubborn to cave. It was our first battle of wills and certainly not the last.

"I should go inside, my Dad will be home soon," Bella informed me.

"Yeah, sure. See you tomorrow." I tried to play it cool but for the next three minutes that we stood there in silence, the feelings of nervousness and excitement mixed with the overwhelming desire to kiss her until I couldn't stand it any more.

"Damn it, I don't care if you deck me, I'm going to kiss you." I tugged Bella to me and pressed my lips to hers.

At first, it was simply our lips touching, a gentle kiss, so soft because I was worried I might break her if I kissed her like I wanted to. Then I felt Bella's timid tongue as it licked my lower lip and I opened my mouth and invited her in. When our tongues touched for the first time, we groaned in unison and very quickly the kiss deepened. Our tongues tangled together in a frantic, wet, not-sure-how-to-kiss-you-but-I-don't-care sort of way. I slid my hands under the back of her shirt, rubbing the bare skin of her lower back as her fingers knotted in my hair. I enjoyed every, single, sloppy second of it until a gruff voice interrupted us.

"If you don't get your tongue out of my daughter's mouth right now, I can, and will, arrest you."

And that was how I met Charlie Swan for the first time.

After Bella and I had immediately separated and wiped our mouths off, I tried to introduce myself to him, but he snubbed my offer of a hand shake, glaring at me instead. Such stark contrast to my first meeting with Bella's mom, who hugged me inappropriately and propositioned me later that same day. Yeah, some first's you wish you could forget. Meeting Renee was tucked away in my 'not fond of first' file.

Bella and I had been together for about a year and a half before I met that woman. Renee was going to be in town for a few days and Bella felt obligated to meet up with her. Her mom had insisted we stay over night at the hotel, much to Charlie's chagrin. I didn't know much about Renee other than the fact that she up and left when Bella was two, leaving the toddler in the care of her father without a second thought. She had tried to come back into the picture when Bella was ten or so, but wanted to be a friend, not a mother. Charlie despised her, and Bella was indifferent – wanting to love her but not really knowing how because their visits were so sporadic.

"You know how my Dad is really strict and intimidating?" Bella said the night we found out Renee was coming to town. "Well, my mom is nothing like that. She is flighty and flirty and I can pretty much guarantee she is going to love you. And I mean_ love_ you." It wasn't until a week later when I met Renee that I knew what she meant by that.

Bella and I drove downtown on Friday after school and navigated our way to the Sheraton hotel. When we checked in at the front desk, we were told that Renee had already arrived and were given a room key. In the elevator, Bella looked nervous all the way up to the twentieth floor. Outside the room, she took a deep breath before she knocked on the door, not bothering with her key. A moment later, the door was flung open and I came face to face with Bella's mom, although if I didn't know better, I would have guessed older sister.

I knew that Bella's parents were young when they had her, but where Charlie had aged, the years had been kind to Renee, very kind. Her hair was the same chestnut brown as her daughter, shoulder length with unruly waves. I don't mean to be disrespectful but I'm surprised I noticed her hair at all, considering what she was wearing. The white bikini was tiny, the triangles up top covered her nipples and little else. The bottom was high-cut and just as miniscule. The last thing I noticed before she started screeching was the dangling pink jewel in her belly button.

"Bella!" Renee threw her arms around her daughter and pulled her close. She rocked her back and forth as they hugged. "Oh, Bells, it's so great to see you! Let me take a look at you." Renee let go of her and kept her at arms length and gave her the once over. "You've certainly matured since the last time I saw you. Look at your boobs, nice and perky!" Renee cupped them briefly and Bella swatted her hands away.

"Mother!"

"Shhh, don't call me that!" I saw Bella roll her eyes as she reached for my hand, gripping tight.

"Edward, this is my mother. Mom, this is my boyfriend, Edward." I extended my hand but was yanked into a hard hug instead, Renee's boobs squished against my chest. I laughed nervously as a roaming hand went a little too far down my backside. Thankfully, she pulled away but not until she gave a little squeeze.

"Please, call me Renee. Look at you, you're a total hottie, nice work Isabella." Renee's eyes raked down my body and her French manicured fingernails dug into my bicep. "Come in." She stepped aside, inviting us in but she took up space in the doorway so I'd have to step in sideways. I was torn – groin to her groin or my ass to her groin? I opted for ass to her groin and mumbled 'excuse me' as I walked through.

"Mom, can you put some clothes on?" Bella complained as she sat down on the couch, puling me to sit close to her, planting her hand on my leg almost possessively.

"Oh, sorry, I just came back from the pool. Did you guys bring your suits? We can go for a midnight swim later, it's a rooftop pool."

"No, we didn't bring our suits." The tone in her voice was almost flippant, something I'd never from her before.

"We could always make it a skinny dip." Bella's mom wiggled her eyebrows at me and I blushed, causing Renee to giggle like a school girl. Bella ignored her comment completely.

"Why don't you get dressed and we'll head out for dinner?" Bella looked at her mother expectantly.

"Fine. I just need a few minutes to get ready, help yourself to the mini bar."

"We're eighteen," Bella reminded her as Renee went into the bathroom to change.

"So?" She shouted from the other side of the door. "When was eighteen, I'd had a baby and had done far worse than have a drink or two. Eddie, would you like a drink? It's on me."

"It's Edward, and I said no, thank you." Bella answered for me and mouthed that she was sorry. I squeezed her hand and told her not to worry about it.

Ten minutes later, Renee was dressed in a short black dress with six-inch heels, her hair still in disarray. We walked a few blocks to Morton's Steakhouse and even though there was a line, Renee commandeered a table in minutes. Over warm French bread, she started the conversation.

"Tell me about the two of you, where did you meet? How long have you been together; all that good stuff. I'm sorry, Edward, Bella doesn't tell me much."

"That's because you never call me and I don't know where you are half the time." Bella replied defensively.

"My husband is a minor league baseball player, he travels a lot with the team and I often go with him." Renee explained. "So, Edward, tell me how you two met."

I told her the story of meeting at the dance. Renee smiled and I saw Bella relax a little at my side and she opened up and told her about our first kiss, before we Charlie interrupted us. Bella admitted later that she always dreamt of 'having a moment' with her mom, telling her of her first kiss with a boy she really liked. Renee ruined the moment when she shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"That man never changes. Your father is such a prude and can't accept that his little girl is all grown up and has sex."

"Mom!" Bella exclaimed.

"Well, you do have sex, don't you? I mean, if you're not, what the hell are you waiting for?"

I'm not sure who blushed more – Bella, me, or the waiter who brought our salads.

"Yeah, you are." Renee nodded, apparently approving. "I bet it's good too. God, some of the worse sex I ever had was with Charlie. You know how jack rabbits have sex?" Renee thrashed around in her seat violently, thrusting her hips toward the table. "Yeah, that was Charlie. And he wanted me to call him Chief during it, too." I couldn't help it, I smirked at the visual in my head and Renee giggled loudly. Bella nudged my arm.

"Don't encourage her, Edward." I mumbled an apology.

"How's school going?" Renee asked and just like that, the conversation drifted to how our last year of high school was going, where we were going to college, etcetera.

For the most part, I thought Bella's mom was on her best behavior, although openly flirty with me, but she seemed to be like that with the waiters as well so I thought nothing of it. When dinner concluded, we decided to go for a walk around the city before we went back to the hotel. As Renee paid the bill, Bella excused herself to use the restroom, leaving Renee and I alone at the table.

"So, things with you and Bella are good?" Bella's mom asked casually, as she signed the Visa slip.

"Yes, very good. I love her a lot," I told her truthfully.

"I can see that." She smiled at me. The resemblance between mother and daughter was striking. The same chocolate brown eyes, chestnut hued hair, and they shared some mannerisms as well. They both wrinkled their noses the same, could quirk an eyebrow expertly and I noted Renee was biting her lower lip like Bella always did. She leaned her head toward me, her eyes intent on mine.

"Well, if for some reason things don't work out for you two, you should give me a call sometime." She slid a business card across the table for me with a number scrawled on it. I looked at it and then at her blankly. Surely, she was kidding, I thought, but that flew by the wayside as Renee's hand found its way onto my thigh, rubbing and caressing in a very non mother-of-the-girlfriend sort of way. With wide eyes and eyebrows raised, I stared at her and she smiled back as she licked her lips suggestively, tilting her head to the side as she twirled her hair around her finger.

"Bella and I won't be breaking up. In fact, I plan on marrying your daughter." I informed her as I moved my leg away from her roaming hand. Renee shrugged.

"Well, we could always have a threesome, how fun would that be?"

I looked in the direction of the bathroom, praying for Bella to come save me or, at the very least, for the floor to open and swallow me whole to avoid hearing anything else Renee had to say, but there was no sign of either of those things happening.

"Have you ever had a threesome, Edward?" The way she purred my name made me as uncomfortable as the subject.

I gulped loudly and shook my head no. Renee made a noise that sounded like an orgasm and spoke in a low, sultry voice.

"It's pretty amazing. Imagine having two, beautiful women with their hands and tongues all over your body. God, I can only imagine how gorgeous your body is under those clothes, mmmmmmm. Then there are two sets of perky breasts in your face, two wet —"

"MOTHER!" Bella screeched, not caring that she was making a scene. I stood up, red-faced and sporting a semi down below. Renee smirked as she noticed it but Bella said nothing, thank God.

With hands on her hips, Bella glared at her mother in the middle of Morton's Steakhouse, saying nothing verbally but the contemptuous look on her face spoke volumes.

"It was only a suggestion, Isabella, relax." Renee tried to blow it off like it was not a big deal that she had tried to entice me into a threesome.

"Goodbye, Renee." With that, Bella spun around and stormed out of the restaurant without ever looking back. Renee gave an exaggerated sigh and apologized to me for Bella being melodramatic.

"You're kidding! You proposition me, your daughter's boyfriend, for a threesome and then apologize for her reaction? You are bat-shit crazy, woman. Bat shit, fucking crazy. But thank you for dinner." My mother would have been proud for me remembering my manners. As Renee's mouth hung open, I left to go after Bella.

I caught up to her just down the street on the corner of Sixth and Pike. When she saw me, Bella threw her arms around my neck and kissed me like she'd never kissed me before, almost like she was staking her claim on me and I let her.

We ended up getting a room at the Red Lion Hotel a few blocks away, figuring we might as well take advantage of the fact that Charlie knew we were staying over night. As we got to our floor, Bella attacked me outside the room, her mouth and hands urgent. We barely made it inside the room before Bella clawed at my belt buckle and literally ripped the buttons off my shirt. We fucked that night, hard and fast and trust me - there was nothing quiet about it. Bella's nails left scratches down my chest and her lips left hickeys on my neck. It was raw, uninhibited, unbridled sex and, if you must know, it was fucking fantastic.

Sometime in the middle of the night, we awoke again and made love, slow and sweet - the ying and yang of love. Afterwards, Bella quietly cried while I held her in my arms. She confided that she felt more betrayed by her mother hitting on me then by her abandoning her. It was the first time I'd seen Bella cry and it broke my heart. I felt helpless, not knowing what to say, so instead I held her tight, smoothing her hair down with my hand and planted kisses on her head until she fell asleep in my arms.

We'd seen Renee only a half dozen times since then. She didn't come to our wedding - yes, she was invited - and had met the kids once or twice but was awkward around them and they didn't know how to react to her either. Bella always said she was okay with not having Renee in her life because my mother was a lovely replacement but it made me feel sad for her. Bella had such a close relationship with our kids and I knew she longed for that with her own mother.

Unfortunately, not all firsts are remembered with fondness and that memory certainly wasn't helping with my writing. I needed to think more about the purely physical, slightly rough, got-to-have-you right now sex to get me back into writing.

I refilled my coffee and went back to my office to think. I needed to remember more times when Bella and I had engaged in the kind of fucking where we morphed into a sensual animal incapable of thinking or doing anything but satisfying your cravings. I sat down behind my desk and let my mind wander again trying to find some motivation.

Surely, there was some memory that could get me out of the funk I was in.

**Your thoughts on Edward and Bella's first kiss? Tell me about yours! I'll reply back with my own story. And how about bat-shit crazy Renee? I'm sure in fanfiction land, someone has written an E & B & R threesome (link me why don't you LOL)**

**Next chapter, Edward remembers some more... Until next time, my friends. Thank you!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Many thanks to everyone who put me on alert/favorite and took time to review - I love hearing from you all. Thank you Lolo84 for pre-reading xo ****Poor Edward is having writer's block hopefully he can get back on track.**

**Chapter 9**

I had been in my office for an hour and my mind was still blank. I was trying to write a sex scene, something I'd done countless times before. Damn it, I was good at sex scenes – writing and participating - but right then, I was having serious issues. I almost felt like I was having erectile dysfunction and that had me fighting a panic attack.

As I sat alone in my office, I remembered one specific occasion when Bella and I had gotten a little carried away, no dysfunction then that was for sure.

I think it was the summer of 1993 when we rented a huge, four bedroom house with a hot tub right on Newport Beach in Oregon with Jasper, Alice, Emmett, Rose, Carlisle and Esme.

We split the cost between the couples which brought with it pros and cons. The biggest pro was it made for an affordable way to spent the week in a picturesque location. Unfortunately, it meant we had to be stealthy in making love. If you didn't already know, 'quiet' is not my middle name. Abstaining for a week was clearly not an option. Nor was sneaking down to the beach to have at it. Sand up my ass is not my idea of fun. It certainly made for an interesting week.

After one sun-filled day which consisted of nothing but tanning, eating, reading, and a whole lot of drinking, we all decided to go for a late night soak in the hot tub. Let me say that sometimes, things happen in hot tubs when people have been drinking for hours in the hot sun. That night was one of those nights.

We were young and we were all rocking pretty hot bodies back then. Not to say we've let ourselves go, but even the most fit body of a forty-two year old can' t compare to the body of a twenty-two year old.

All of us guys were lean, sporting six-pack abs and well defined pecs. The girls were so different but equally gorgeous. Alice was super skinny with a svelte body, Esme and Bella were built about the same, with more of a bust and hips than Alice but certainly not as curvy as Rosalie. In fact, it was Rosalie and her curves that started the trouble the night, well more specifically, her breasts did.

"Rosalie, I've wondered this for a while, are those real?" Esme motioned with her hand at Rose's ample chest, clad in a black bikini top, that barely held her all in. Rosalie looked down and laughed.

"My boobs? Yeah, they're real." Rose thrust them out proudly.

"God, you have great tits, seriously." Esme gushed and Bella agreed.

"You wanna touch them, don't you?" Emmett cajoled with a wag of his eyebrows, but Esme wasn't fazed.

"Yeah, kind of."

"Go ahead," Rosalie offered, sticking her boobs out in her direction.

I told you, there was a lot of alcohol consumed that day. Esme got up from her seat, waded over to where Rose was and promptly planted both her palms on Rosalie's breasts and gave a squeeze. Jazz let out an audible groan and Alice hit him, splashing water in the process.

"Oh my God, Esme, you actually groped her! How drunk are you?" Bella giggled.

"Drunk enough. You should feel them, they are so much softer than I thought." Esme told her and Rose turned, offering her breasts to Bella who fondled them as well. Yeah, I stifled a groan because that was kind of hot.

"Ali? You want a turn?" Rose asked, but she refused with a shake of her head.

"Oh, no thanks. I'm good with the ones I have. No offence, but I think more than a handful is just a waste." Alice retorted as she dipped below the water, hiding her barely there A cup.

"It's a good thing I like a man with big hands then." Rosalie laughed and Emmett grinned, lifting his hands above the water to show us that he did indeed have big hands.

"Hey! We should play truth or dare," Rosalie suggested excitedly.

Carlisle groaned. "If Easy E. over there streaks down the beach, I'm packing up, and going home!" He teased me. I flipped him the middle finger as I got out of the tub to grab another six-pack of beer for us all to share.

When I came back, Alice started us off. Turning to Jasper, she asked what article of woman's clothing would he most like to wear. Jasper readily admitted high heeled shoes and we all cracked up imagining hot shot lawyer Jasper Whitlock wearing stilettos in a courtroom.

Jasper asked Bella truth or dare. She chose truth and was asked her if she'd rather eat a cockroach or a beetle. I snickered and said she'd much prefer the cock. Bella stuck her tongue out at me and said she'd eat a beetle, thank you very much.

The next few questions were along the same lines – generic and tame – but that didn't last long. As with any other game of truth or dare I've ever played, it turned to all things sex related fairly quickly.

We all knew that Bella and I were exclusive to each other but I was surprised that Rosalie had only been with one other man prior to Emmett, who had lost count on his conquests. Jasper surprised me with his twelve women – who knew quiet Jasper was a reformed man whore - while Alice, Esme and Carlisle had all been with one other person.

Favorite positions were discussed, as was the forever debatable spit or swallow question. Esme, Bella, Alice were swallowers, Rosalie the only hold out. She said she'd have to be good and hammered to even consider it; Emmett passed her a beer and we all laughed.

Alice channeled Meg Ryan and treated us to a Oscar worthy orgasm fake out, Bella and Esme made out – which was ridiculously hotter than the boob grab - and there may or may not have been a brief kiss between Jasper and I that wasn't as awful as I made out to be.

Things escalated when someone dared Rose to remove her top, which she did without hesitation. It was short-lived as Emmett was apparently only comfortable with public groping, not viewing. Which is funny because we were all treated to a full monty from him when he streaked down the beach later. And when Esme dared straight-laced Carlisle to do the same, I thought for sure he would refuse but I was wrong. I couldn't remember the last time I'd laughed so hard.

After the naked boys put their shorts back on, they re-joined us in the tub, bringing another round of beers and a ghetto blaster with him. We cranked up the tunes and Jasper asked if anyone minded if he smoked a joint. It wasn't something he did often and told us it was okay if we didn't want him to, but no one objected so he went back into the house for it.

When he got back in the tub, everyone had a toke. While the rest of us were not pot virgins, Bella and Alice coughed and choked on their first puffs ever. I was initially worried about how Bella was going to react to the weed, but she assured me she was feeling fine. She sat up on the edge of the tub with Rose, Esme and Alice, quietly giggling over something.

Knowing she was okay, I leaned my head against the tub, closed my eyes and listened to the base of the music, nodding my head to the beat. Back then, I thought Snap, C&C Music Factory and Moby were pure genius. Who am I kidding, they are still pretty amazing.

We were all mellow, drunk, and stoned which was probably why no one cared when Alice sat sideways on Jasper's lap and they started making out. It was only kissing, not humping by any means, and it fit with the mood of the trance-like music.

Obviously, I'd watched porn before — I am a guy after all — but the live kissing was pretty sensual, even if it was Alice. At least with Jasper's tongue in her mouth she was quiet, well mostly, but I could tune out the quiet moans.

I couldn't help but to watch, studying the whole mechanics of their kissing. Their heads would tilt opposite so they could kiss deeper, or they would pull back, stare into each other's eyes for a moment before their lips came back together. Their kisses were slow and sexy as Jasper's hand curved around Alice's rib cage, his thumb circling in a rhythm as he rubbed the underside of her breast.

I was fascinated in my inebriated state, watching intently, while I finished my beer. Who knew kissing could be so erotic?

Eventually, Alice and Jazz left the tub, as did Carlisle and Esme and it was obvious what they'd be up to in a few minutes. The lust was written all over their faces. Not to mention Esme had jumped into Carlisle's arms, wrapping her legs around him. If they made it to the second floor where the bedrooms were, it would be a miracle.

While Emmett and Rosalie went inside to watch TV in the living room, Bella and I stayed in tub, enjoying the alone time as much as the buzz.

I beckoned my wife to straddle me but she looked around skeptically.

"Rose and Em are right there." Bella motioned with her head to the living room where we could see them snuggled up on the couch, still wrapped in their towels.

"So?" I snorted.

"So, they might see us."

"Like they'd care." I tugged her to me, settling her on my lap. I uttered a low groan as our groins bumped together; Bella raised one, perfectly sculpted eyebrow at me.

"Mr. Cullen, were you getting worked up watching our friends make out?" She teased, as she rocked against me.

I shrugged.

The kissing was part of it but so was the fact that I knew exactly what they were doing in the house right then. Not to mention, the thought of fucking my wife outside in the hot tub was appealing or perhaps, I was turned on knowing that Rose and Em could catch us in the act.

As though she could read my mind, Bella rolled her hips, rubbing herself against my hardness. She drew her wet hands through my hair and brought her mouth to mine, her tongue sweeping across my upper lip before she sucked on it.

"Damn, baby." Was all I could muster after she released my lip and looked at me with her sultry brown eyes.

"Kiss me." My voice was low as I begged.

Thankfully, Bella did and our mouths came together in a kiss that was anything but tender. Our tongues were almost frantic, her fingers tugging at my hair roughly. My hands briefly toyed with the bow of her bikini top before I pulled at the string, loosening the top and tossing the material aside.

My hands cupped her naked breasts, my thumbs rubbing over her nipples. And as we continued to kiss, Bella ground herself against my raging boner and it felt good, but I knew what would feel better.

"Have you ever fucked in a hot tub before?" I whispered between kisses, my hands pulling at her bikini bottoms. Bella shook her head and shimmied out of her bathing suit while I pushed mine down. Bella straddled me again and she was so wet from her arousal that I slid right in.

I'd like to say we fucked right there in the hot tub and it was amazing but it wasn't. Hot tub sex was harder than it looked in movies. The water washed away any natural lubrication that Bella had and the sex became awkward and uncomfortable.

The problem was, we were both horny as hell. Aggravated and sexually frustrated, I yanked my trunks back up and wrapped a towel around naked Bella, leaving her suit behind.

We raced back to the house, past an unsuspecting Rose and Emmett. They were making out and totally oblivious to us as we made our way to the second floor bedroom.

Bella shed her towel and laid down on the bed, biting her lower lip, enticing me with her come fuck me eyes as much as her nakedness. I couldn't peel my wet shorts off fast enough and kicked the bedroom door shut with my foot in the process.

I pounced on my wife, ravishing her body with hungry licks, kisses and playful nips until she was crying out my name as she reached orgasm. She forced me onto my back and gave me an amazing blow job until I was begging her to stop. I wanted to bury myself inside her pussy instead.

Positioned on her hands and knees, I took Bella doggy style, pounding into her hard with my hands on the side of her hips for leverage. There was nothing quiet or stealthy about it, but the effects of the weed and alcohol made us not give a shit. And the orgasm, one of the best ever. It was fucking amazing.

The next morning, we all convened for breakfast in the large kitchen. Jasper was a decent cook and whipped us up some scrambled eggs, toast and bacon while Alice cut up some fruit to go with it. Perhaps it was wishful thinking on our part to think no one had heard our obnoxious fucking the night before, but everyone carried on like it was any other day.

Then the not so subtle moaning and groaning started.

"Mmmm, this is amazing," Alice purred, taking a bite of her toast.

"Oh, God, ooooohhhhh," Esme moaned, as she took a sip of her coffee. "So good."

When Rosalie deep throated her banana before she took a bite, I cocked a suspicious eyebrow at Emmett who was fighting back a smirk, his dimples flashing. Jasper, who was sitting next to me, jabbed me in the ribs with his elbow.

"You like that baby? Right there, huh?" Carlisle mocked in voice that mimicked mine.

"Harder, baby, harder," Esme swooned and Bella blushed a deep scarlet and hid her face behind her hands.

"You heard us?" She asked in a horrified voice, her face still hidden.

"Considering your rocking headboard was hitting the wall that was shared with our bed, I'd say we experienced it." Alice giggled.

"Was it good for you?" I joked, with a jerk of my chin in her direction and Alice raised her eyebrows at me as she playfully blew me a kiss.

"Esme was ready to call the cops, worried you were killing Bella with all the screaming she was doing." Carlisle teased with a wink in Bella's direction.

"Oh God!" Bella muttered under her breath while I grinned.

"Don't you mean Ohhhhhhhhhhhh God!" Rosalie laughed.

I snickered to myself remembering the teasing we endured, not only that week but for a long time to come. Like I said, the orgasm made it all worthwhile.

Since that first vacation, the eight of us made it a tradition to rent a place there every year, spending the third week of July together. Though now each of us rented a house for our own family. Mostly because we needed the space for the kids but partly because no one wanted to share a house with Bella and I any more.

With the memory of that kind of unabashed fucking in my head, I felt myself become un-cock-blocked, if you will, and I suddenly felt inspired to write. I sat down with my laptop, the words spilling from my mind to the screen easily.

Hours passed, and as I was reading through the chapter I'd written, there was a knock on my office door and Charlotte poked her head in.

"Dad, is Mom home yet?" She sounded a little frazzled.

"She's at work still, hon. She's trying to finish up report cards this week."

"When will she be home?"

I looked at my watch, it was three-thirty and Bella had said she would be home around five-thirty.

"I'm afraid not for a while."

"Is Leah home?"

I closed the lid on my laptop and looked up.

"No, she's gone out with Adam. What's up? Anything I can help you with?" I asked, but Charlotte shook her head.

"Remember, you can talk to me about anything. Is it boy trouble?" She shook her head no. "Girl trouble?" I knew how caddy fifteen year old girls could be.

"No, it's nothing like that. It's…never mind. I'll wait for mom to get home." Charlotte looked down at her feet but didn't move. I could tell she wanted to talk to me; maybe she needed a little encouragement.

I got up from my chair and walked over to where she stood and placed my hands on her shoulders, rubbing them up and down her arms.

"Not never mind. I'm not your mom but you can still tell me," I urged and Charlotte sighed as she made a face.

"I got my period."

I wasn't sure who blushed more, her or me, but I quickly composed myself. Silently, I prayed that I would say the right thing.

"Okay, it's nothing to be scared about. It's a natural process of your uterus shedding the lining it was preparing for a baby." I was racking my brain, trying to remember all the technical terms, I felt like I was talking out of my ass.

"It means you're growing up, sweetie. It's actually a wonderful thing."

I didn't want to be the one to tell her about the five days of bleeding, cramps, mood swings and the bloating I heard about from Bella every month.

"It's not my first, Dad."

"Oh."

I scratched my head. Did I know that?

"What I was going to say is that there's nothing in the house." Charlotte looked at me expectantly.

Duh, of course, she probably needed something sweet or salty. When Bella had her period, she craved peanut M&M's and I was pretty sure there were some hidden in one of the kitchen cupboards. I put my arm around my youngest daughter and went to lead her to the goods.

"Don't worry, Char, I'm sure we can wrangle up some chocolate or something. Let's-"

"Uh, Dad, it's not food I need." She cocked me an eyebrow and, I admit, it took me a minute.

"Oh, uh, I see. Okay, uh…." Fuck, fuck.

"Do you think you can go to the store for me?" She looked at me, gave me a sweet smile and batted her long, dark eyelashes.

"How about I drive you?" I suggested. Charlotte put her hand on her stomach and wrinkled her nose.

"I have really bad cramps, Daddy. Can you go for me, please? Pretty please?" Her lower lip came out in a practiced pout, and I shook my head at the manipulation tactic.

It was common knowledge around our house that I was a sucker for pouts. Bella had used it to her advantage many times over the course of our relationship. The protruding lower lip had convinced me to do things I wouldn't normally do: buy Bella ice cream at midnight during all three pregnancies, sit through _Mama Mia_ as well as both Sex and the City movies, to name a few.

When Leah was ten, she used her pout to get me to agree to letting her get her ears pierced. Even Jacob had learned how effective it could be at a young age because after he used it, I found myself in hell, otherwise known as Chuck E. Cheese for his sixth birthday party.

I was not going to let another pout force me to do something I did not want to do.

So, why is it the next thing I knew, I was standing alone in the feminine hygiene aisle of my local Fred Meyer? Who knew there were so many options? It was like a _Baskin Robbins_ of tampons – slender, regular, super, scented, unscented. I grabbed four different brands and threw them in my cart then grabbed some chips, peanut M&M's, a six-pack of Coke, and beer and made my way to the check out.

Apparently, it was a day for two first's – writers block and tampon buying - and I wasn't sure which was worse.

**Thank you for reading!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you to those who reviewed the last chapter - the reviews inspire me to write and make me laugh! Thanks Lolo for pre-reading xo Not much else to say, on to the next chapter! **

**Chapter 10**

A few weeks after the embarrassing tampon buying experience, the school year was over and summer had arrived. It brought with it some of the best weather Seattle had seen in years. The notorious "wet coast" was bathed in a heat wave and we enjoyed soaking up the sun.

Although the kids were all glad to be done with their studies, Leah was already looking forward to starting school up again in September, and Jacob was thrilled to be heading into his final year of high school. Charlotte, well, she was simply looking forward to two months off and didn't want to talk about going back to start her sophomore year.

When the kids were little, the end of the school year meant Bella and I had to be creative. We had had eight plus weeks to find activities to fill the days with to keep the girls entertained and Jacob out of trouble. There were camps, road trips, sleepovers, our annual Oregon trip, even yard work and lemonade stands. Now that they were older, the kids found ways to entertain themselves and we rarely saw them. Except for the occasional obligatory dinner at home which they only attended so they could ask for a ride somewhere or mooch money.

Charlotte spent most of her days at the beach with Megan, Jessie and some other friends. Disturbing to say about your daughter, but Charlotte had the type of body that I knew young boys jerked off too - big boobs, flat stomach, tiny waist. She tanned well, her tan lines accentuated by the too-small-by-dad's-standards white bikini that she wore. I knew if I suggested she wear a different suit, heaven forbid, a one piece, she would only balk at me. That would most likely result in her wearing an even more revealing one so I said nothing. Trust me, it was hard to bite my tongue.

Rachel left for seven weeks in Europe with her parents, leaving behind a moping Jacob until he landed a part time job at a local garage, cleaning up, answering phones, etcetera. He was thinking of becoming a mechanic and he enjoyed milling about the garage 'with the guys' watching what went on behind the scenes. Since Bella and I had refused to give Jake back the Honda, he was determined to save up to buy his own car. Working at minimum wage, we all knew it would take him close to forever to earn enough but admired his determination.

And Leah was happy as a pig in shit. If Adam wasn't at our house, they were over at Emmett and Rosalie's house. Those two were joined at the hip, not joined that way but soon enough, I was sure. When I asked how things were going, she told me she "more than liked him" but insisted they were still taking things slow. I suspected that was in part because she was being cautious, guarding her heart after James had hurt her. Leah had confided to Bella that they were hovering between second and third base. Not wanting to sound like an idiot, I didn't ask what that meant, nor did I think I wanted to know. When I was a kid, third base was heavy petting but I had a feeling nowadays it meant more along the lines of oral sex. Whatever third base was, I hoped they stayed there and didn't attempt to steal home.

Through chatting with Emmett, I discovered that Adam was completely, head over heels in love with my daughter. He was also scared shitless because he was a virgin and didn't have much experience with girls. Hence the real reason he was taking things slow; I was totally okay with that.

What I was not okay with was Leah wanting to drive eight plus hours to Boise to spend the night at Adam's.

"Over my dead body!" I exclaimed when Leah asked Bella and I if she could go.

"I told you he'd react this way," Leah cried, as she threw her hands up in frustration and turned to Bella.

"Edward." My wife said my name in a tone that meant she expected me to at least consider it before I said no.

"Bella." I tried to make my tone say 'no way in hell was my daughter sleeping over at her boyfriend's house.'

"Tell your dad what you told me," Bella encouraged. Leah gave a heavy sigh, knowing full well it wouldn't make a difference to me.

"There's a huge carnival that's happening basically right outside Adam's apartment and he wants me to come."

Yeah, I bet he wanted her to come.

I was already shaking my head no, but Leah continued.

"I will call you every ten miles the whole drive down and I'll be sleeping on his couch, I promise."

I snorted because I knew there was no way she would actually sleep on Adam's couch.

How many times hadn't Bella stayed at my house 'on the couch'. That was code for I'll-sleep-on-the-couch-until-your-parents-are-asleep-and-then-I'll-sneak-into-your-room-and-have-sex-with-you-then-sneak-back-downstairs-at-five-in-the-morning-before-anyone-wakes-up. Although, there was one time we didn't wake up and my mother caught us in bed. She had politely cleared her throat and suggested Bella get downstairs before my father woke up and never spoke of it again.

"Why don't you tell us your reasons for not wanting her to go, Edward." As always, Bella played the role of mediator well.

"For one, I'm not comfortable with her driving all that way by herself even if she does call every ten miles," I explained.

"Fine. Adam said he'd pick me up." Leah narrowed her eyes at me in contempt.

"Two." I glared right back at her. "My daughter is not spending the weekend at her boyfriend's apartment."

"Don't exaggerate, it's one night." Leah gave a dramatic eye roll that she must have learned from Charlotte.

"All you need is a few hours, or minutes," I mocked.

"Just so you know, there have been plenty of times we could have done it by now. I don't need to drive eight hours for it."

"Excuse me?" My voice raised an octave. "Like when?"

"Like last weekend when Uncle Emmett and Aunt Rosalie were out at a movie. Paul was on a date, and Megan was sleeping over here. We had the whole house to ourselves for hours."

I scowled and made a note to call Emmett and make sure they didn't leave the kids alone anymore.

"Like two weekends ago when you and mom went out for dinner. Jake was at work and Char was babysitting." Leah cocked me an eyebrow.

"My answer is still no." I double lifted my eyebrows, trumping her one.

"I'm also concerned about the long drive," Bella agreed.

"Adam already said he would be willing to drive here on Thursday after his last class and we'd leave together on Friday morning."

"No." I folded my arms across my chest and squared my shoulders. Bella gave me a look; I pretended not to notice.

"As for sleeping over, if you say you'll be sleeping on the couch, I trust you. Edward, what's your concern with that?" Both girls turned to look at me.

That she'll fuck her boyfriend, hello?

"No, just no." Yes, I was a stubborn ass.

Leah growled and I smirked.

"I'm adult, I can go if I chose to." With her arms crossed over her chest and a defiant look on her face, Leah mimicked my stance.

"While you are living under my roof, you will live by my rules."

Oh my God, had I really just said that? I used to hate when my father pulled that line on me.

"And what if I go anyways?" My eldest daughter challenged me like she'd never done before, eyes blazing in anger. Thankfully, Bella intervened before I lost my shit.

"Both of you relax. Edward, let's think about it for a day or two instead of saying 'no' right away. Leah, that doesn't mean we'll let you go, but we will consider it, okay?"

"Fine." We said in unison and Leah stomped off to her room. As soon as she was gone, Bella turned to me.

"Can you at least consider it? She's right you know, they could have had sex a dozen times already, given the opportunities they've had."

"We let her go, Bella, and it's guaranteed they have sex. Sleep on the couch, my ass," I grumbled.

"We can't stop them from doing it. If it's going to happen, they'll find a way to make it happen, either at his place, in her car or somewhere else." Bella shrugged.

"I'd rather it didn't happen at all." Yes, I was pouting.

Bella gave me a hug in attempt to make me feel better.

"It's hard for me to accept the she's growing up," I confided in my wife's ear.

"For me too."

Leah had previously made of point of telling us that she wasn't going to have sex again until she was really, truly in love. I know it was selfish of me, but if she had sex with Adam, it meant she was in love.

"And if she's in love with Adam, then she's going to need me less and if she needed me less, it means she needs _him_more. And then she'll be be getting married and moving away before we know it. And then she'll have her own family and we'll never see her. And you and I will be sitting in some crappy nursing home all alone because our kids have forgotten about us." I bemoaned. I always was a tad dramatic.

Bella looked up at me and frowned.

"One night away doesn't mean all that is going to happen, you know. She'll always be your Leah, even if she's also Adam's girl."

I shrugged. I wasn't sure I was ready for her to be 'Adam's girl' when I still considered her 'Daddy's girl.'

One thing about my eldest daughter, she's smart. If in the same position, Jacob and Charlotte would have pissed and moaned around the house waiting for us to make our decision, but not Leah. She cleaned the house, made dinner, and even offered to drive her younger siblings around. Bella pointed out that she was very mature and therefore we should let her go. I refuted that, saying she was simply smarter in her attempts at sucking up.

In the end, we (Bella) let her go with strict rules (courtesy of me). No speeding, no loud music, no talking or texting while driving. She had to stop for a break every two hours to check in with us, and whenever we called, she had to answer by the second ring, or else. You can bet your ass I planned on calling at totally obscure hours to thwart any romantic plans.

Bella was fine while Leah was away; I was the one who counted down the minutes until each phone call, didn't sleep at all that night, and was generally a cranky jerk.

Leah returned late on Sunday night, just past one in the morning. I know because I waited up. She quietly let herself in the front door and let out a little scream when I greeted her.

"It's a little late, don't you think?" I used my best disapproving father tone.

"Shit, Dad, you scared me," she said in an alarmed voice, placing her hand over her chest.

"Guilty conscience?" I winked as I pulled her into a hug. "I missed you, you know? How was the drive?"

Over a glass of milk, and half a dozen Oreo cookies, Leah told me about her drive, the carnival and the tour Adam took her on of the university campus. Apparently, Adam's apartment was small but in a great location for the carnival which had been a "blast." Her eyes sparked as she talked excitedly with her hands about everything they did.

"How was Adam's couch?" I cocked an eyebrow.

She rolled her eyes at me. "I actually did sleep on the couch, thank you very much."

"Uh huh." I wasn't born yesterday.

"Honest." She held up her hand like she was a girl scout. That wasn't very reassuring. We both knew she was never in Girl Scouts. That's not entirely true. She was, albeit briefly. Bella was politely asked by the leader to reconsider when Leah tried to turn all the other six year olds against the "ugly Brownie uniforms" causing a mild uproar and protests for prettier uniforms. Angry six year old are a force to be reckoned with. It was after the first protest that Bella was approached and she was so mortified, that she never brought Leah again.

"And where did Adam sleep?" I waited to catch her in a lie.

"In his bedroom. I told you, we really are taking things slow. Honestly, I don't think he has much experience with women, not because he's bad at…never mind." Leah blushed and I wrinkled my nose at the TMI.

"All you need to know is I did, in fact, sleep on the couch and Adam slept in his room." Then Leah looked at me and smirked. "I can't guarantee there was no boob groping, though." She winked at me and I playfully growled at her.

"I know you're a young woman now, and you're going to do…" I paused briefly, "stuff with your boyfriend. But this is hard for a dad, okay? One day you'll have your own daughter and you'll know where I'm coming from. I just hope I'm around to watch," I chuckled thinking about it. "Thank you for talking candidly with me. I love that you feel comfortable enough to share things with me," I told her as I put our dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

"Well, just because I'm comfortable, doesn't mean I'm going to call you right after we do it, okay?" She teased and I laughed.

"A text would suffice," I half-joked. We turned off the kitchen lights and headed up to bed. Outside her room, I kissed her forehead and told her to have a good sleep; Leah smiled at me.

"Dad?"

"Yeah, baby girl?"

"Thanks for letting me go. It was really fun." The look of happiness on her face said it all. I was glad Bella had convinced me to let her go.

"You're welcome. Goodnight."

"Night," she said as she closed her door.

Since the kids were little, every night I would go into their rooms before I went to bed to say goodnight. Since I'd already had my time with Leah, I softly knocked on Charlotte's door and waited for a response. All was quiet so I let myself in.

Charlotte was on her stomach, her hair fanned out over the pillow, and her pink floral comforter tucked under her chin. I brushed her hair away from her face and smiled at my youngest daughter. She may have been almost sixteen, but when she was sleeping, she looked so much like her former, infant self. A smile tugged on her lips and her mouth was slightly parted. She looked so peaceful and calm. Totally different from how she was when she was awake, I laughed to myself. I bent down and kissed her forehead.

"Goodnight, sweetheart," I murmured.

Charlotte mumbled something back and I smiled. She was just like Bella, able to carry on a conversation though she was dead asleep.

When she was little, she would confess all her sins in her slumber, like stealing the last cookie or for writing on the wall even though she'd blamed Jacob. I knelt beside her back and rubbed my hand up and down her back.

"Hey, Charlotte, any new boys in the picture?" I asked quietly.

"Mmm huh."

Interesting.

"What's his name?"

"Alec. He's cute."

I hadn't heard of Alec before, must be a new one.

"How old is he?" I asked as I continued to rub her back.

"Dunno. Older. Maybe seventeen."

"What do you do with Alec?"

"Mmmmm, kiss." She smiled in her sleep.

"Just kiss?"

"Uh huh."

"Nothing else? No touching, or groping, or anything?"

"Uh huh. Just kiss."

"Good girl. Kiss only."

Charlotte puckered her lips together in her sleep and kissed the air a few times; I tried not to laugh.

"Touching, groping and sex are gross." I thought I'd plant some subliminal messages while I was at it.

"Uh huh. Gross." Charlotte agreed in her sleepy state.

"You should wait to have sex until you're married."

"Married." She nodded her head.

"When you're thirty." I suggested.

"Okay."

"Sweet dreams, baby." I kissed her forehead.

"Love you, Daddy."

I whispered I loved her as I tucked the blankets around her again and left her room, closing the door behind me as I went.

I softly rapped on Jake's door and his gruff voice told me I could come in. Trust me, I always waited for him to answer my knock because on a few unfortunately occasions, I had walked in at a really inopportune time. Believe me - it was just as awkward for the dad as for the son when that happened.

After he gave permission, I opened the door and walked in. Jacob was sitting up in bed, leaning against his headboard, iPhone in hand. He was dressed in his boxer shorts with no shirt. I shook my head at his thick, strong legs, expansive chest, broad shoulders and ripped abs, shocked at how mature he looked. Jacob had always been big, but in the last year or so, he had really filled out and changed. It was hard to believe he was my little boy.

"What's up?" He asked as he put his phone face down on the bed probably so I couldn't see the conversation. I'm sure didn't want to, anyway.

"I was heading to bed, wanted to say goodnight." I explained as I sat down on the edge of his bed. "How's Rachel?" I knew he was up late to text with her. Jacob grinned, his perfect, eight thousand dollar smile lit up his face.

"Good, she got up a bit ago and I'm going to bed. It's the perfect time to for us to text." His phone chimed on the bed beside him and he looked at me and raised his eyebrows.

I thought I'd tease him for a bit, simply because I could.

"How's work?" I asked.

"Fine." Jacob nodded.

"Are you still wanting to be a mechanic?" His phone chimed again and I noted Jacob's hand reaching for his phone.

"Uh huh, yup."

"What are Rachel's plans after high school?"

"She wants to go into nursing."

"Cool. Have her parents forgiven you yet?" I winked at him and he rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, right."

The phone chimed a third time and I could tell he was itching to pick it up, his fingers drumming on the quilt beside him.

"Uh, Dad, we're kind of in the middle of something. So…" Jacob left it at that.

"Oh, really?" I cocked him an eyebrow and he blushed. I knew it had to be good if he was embarrassed. Jacob reached for his phone, thinking I may try to read his texts. I was tempted to try to take it if only to see what he would do, but I wasn't that mean. Let the boy engage in a little sexting. God knows Bella and I did that on occasion.

"Goodnight, Jacob. Don't stay up too late talking with your girlfriend." I used air quotes around the word 'talking' and ruffled his hair before I left.

"Goodnight, see you in the morning," Jacob mumbled absentmindedly. He had already turned his attention back to the messages on his phone. I noted his smirk as he read.

"Hey, Jake," I said as I was leaving. "Want me to lock your door?" I teased.

"Ha, ha, very funny." He rolled his eyes at me but I locked it anyways on my way out.

I made my way up to the third floor bedroom. Bella was fast asleep, sideways on the bed, with her head on her pillow, and her legs and feet stretched across my side. After I brushed my teeth and washed my face, I stripped down to nothing and crawled into bed, gently moving Bella's legs to her side. She grumbled something incoherently and rolled over, taking the blankets with her. Typical. I slid under what little covers I had and sidled up to Bella's warm body.

"Leah's home?" Bella asked in a sleepy voice as she rolled over again, draping her leg over my hip.

"Yes, she's home. Had a great time, too." My hand rubbed the back of her smooth thigh causing her to emit a low 'mmmm' sound. As my hand rubbed her leg, Bella reached for my cock, stroking the full length and it responded favorably.

"It's late, baby," I weakly protested.

"So?"

"I thought you might be tired," I said as I closed my eyes, enjoying her caresses.

"I'm never too tired for sex. Are you? I know your birthday is coming up, maybe you're just too old for middle of the night sex." I felt her shrug beside me and she pulled her hand away teasing me.

Too old? Fuck that shit.

I grabbed her hand and brought it back to my erection, and she wrapped her fingers around me tightly as she began to stroke again.

"I was trying to be a nice guy and let you sleep, but if you're awake, by all means." I rolled onto my back and laced my fingers behind my head.

Bella changed her position, pushing the blankets down as she settled herself between my legs. Her lips joined her hands on me and I groaned as she brought my cock into her warm, wet mouth. Very quickly, I found myself on the brink. Damn it, maybe I was getting old.

"Baby." I uttered in a breathless voice. "Please."

Bella tortured me for a few seconds more before she stopped. She stood up at the side of the bed, and gave me a sexy little smile. Bella removed her nightshirt, tossing it at me, where it landed on my face. I chuckled under my breath as I pulled the material off my head and tossed it aside.

Silently, I jerked my chin at her, indicating her panties needed to go. She hooked her thumbs into the waistband and before she could get any further, I circled my index finger in the air. She understood my intent and as she slowly spun around, I thanked God my eyes had adjusted to the darkness so I was able to appreciate my beautiful wife's body. Bella looked at me over her shoulder, her long hair falling down her back in soft waves. It was too dark for me to see the fire in her eyes, but I knew it was there.

Fuck me.

Slowly, Bella slid her panties down, bending over as she did, giving me a perfect view of her tight ass. I couldn't stop the growl that escaped my lips.

"Get that fine ass over here, and straddle me, right now," I commanded. Bella didn't hesitate, climbing on the bed and did as I asked. As I slid into her, the feeing overwhelmed me like it did every other time we had sex. I had to close my eyes to give myself a moment to adjust. We were so in tune with each other, that Bella knew what I needed and waited before she started to move.

Our movements were slow and I was hovering at a near explosive level. I slid my hand between our bodies, my thumb pressed against Bella's clit briefly before I started to circle it. When Bella bit her lower lip and closed her eyes tight, I increased my tempo. Soon enough, I felt her pussy clamp tight around me. I staved my orgasm so I could fully enjoy the feeling of hers. Only after she was done, did I allow myself to go, cursing softly under my breath.

After we cleaned up, we crawled back in bed; Bella rested her head in the crook of my arm her hand on my chest. I combed my fingers through her hair a few times until sleep cloaked me in darkness.

**Your thoughts on Leah and Adam? Did they or didn't they? Hhmmmmm... We'll find out soon! Maybe an outtake of the chapter could be Jake and Rachel's sexting and maybe I don't want to know LOL. And what about Edward and Charlotte? Sneaky Edward!**

******Thank you for reading my story and for the reviews, if you chose to leave one. I really appreciate them (and reply to you all!)**


	11. Chapter 11

**This chapter was specially written for Ann Sheffield. She asked, by way of review, to hear about Bella's first interaction with Edward's parents as well as when Charlie accepts Edward. And here it is! My thanks to Lolo for her pre-reading skills xo**

**Chapter 11**

The drive down the Oregon coast, in mid July, was a quiet one. Bella's eyes were closed as I sped down the I5, our fingers laced together on the centre console. Leah had driven down with Adam; Jacob, and Charlotte were content in the back seat. What a change from when they were younger. Back then, we were inundated with the infamous "Are we there yet?" question by way of three little voices from the back seat. Jacob, by far, was the worst offender and our conversations with him were fucking annoying, to be honest.

"Are we there yet?" He'd whine.

"No, sweetie, we have a long way to go." Bella would laugh, as I was only just pulling out of the driveway.

Literally two seconds later, Jacob would ask again. "How 'bout now?"

"Not yet." Bella would reply, with a smirk to her voice. A minute would pass, if we were lucky.

"Now?" He'd sound increasingly impatient.

"Jacob, let's count all the red cars. There's one!" Bella would try to distract him but it never lasted long.

"I'm bored. Are we there yet?"

"No!" I would answer harshly and Jake would respond with a noisy sigh.

"But I'm sooooo bored. This is the worst day EVER." He would sulk from the backseat.

With little kids, the five hour drive felt a hell of a lot longer. We could cruise along for a while and then someone would need to go to the bathroom, Charlotte was cold, Jacob was hot, or Leah was squished. Bell and I would have bets over who would get car sick first because it was inevitable, someone always threw up. We'd sing songs or have contests to see who could stay the quietest the longest. They never lasted long enough. Then the bickering would start.

"Jake's looking out my window," Char would complain.

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Mom! Jacob wiped his snot on me."

"Dad, Charlotte smells funny."

"Leah's leg's touching me."

And everything was said with a nasally whine that grated on my last nerve. Numerous times I'd tell them to keep their arm's and leg's to themselves, made them sit on their hands, threatened to turn the car around and once, snarled that I was going to tie them all to the roof rack.

As I'd bark from the front seat, Bella would put her hand on my thigh in attempt to calm me down and would pass cookies and goodies out as bribery when threats didn't work. I always wished someone would design a family car with a divider between the front and back seat for parents. Honestly, why hasn't that been invented yet?

I adjusted the mirror in the Pathfinder and looked at the Jake and Char in the back seat as we made our way to Oregon. Both with ear buds plugged into their iPhones, bopping their heads to different beats. Thank you, Steve Jobs, for making traveling a hell of a lot easier. Where were you when the kids were little?

We arrived at Newport around the same time as everyone else. The kids brought their bags inside and opted for the beach instead of unpacking; I couldn't blame them. Carlisle and Esme had the legendary house with the hot tub and we met there to plan our meals before the girls left to grocery shop. In the mean time, I unpacked the food we did bring and then us men folk sat on our asses with beers in hand and commenced doing a whole lot of nothing.

The week was without a schedule, except for meeting nightly at seven for dinner on the deck at Carlisle's. Other than that, I rarely saw the kids as they were out and about, coming home to grab chips, a sandwich, or a drink before going back to the beach.

For kids who packed two suitcases of clothes each, I didn't see them in anything besides bathing suits and flip flops the whole week. Bella and I were the same, opting for minimal clothing during the day and a sundress for her and khaki shorts and a shirt for me at night; shoes were a forgotten necessity.

The first night, we made a bon fire on the beach and traded stories, while we roasted hot dogs, and then marshmallows, for s'mores. Much to their enjoyment, Carlisle was ratting me out to my kids, telling them about all the not so awesome things I did as a teen.

Like how I, badly, moon-walked across the stage when I received my high school diploma, and instead of receiving applause, was booed by the entire senior class.

Turn around was fair play, so I made sure his kids knew he once hung his bare ass out of a moving car to moon his buddy. Unfortunately, he was mistaken and his friend turned out to be Chief Swan, who pulled the car over and cited him with a warning for indecent exposure. One would think that incident would catapult me into Charlie's good books. Unfortunately, it put both of us on his "watch list."

Then, Carlisle had the gall to tell everyone that I'd almost man-scaped my nipple off when I was seventeen. All I remember was my razor slipped and then there was blood, a lot of blood. My Dad had to put two stitches in to reattach it. My left is still my less sensitive nipple, if you must know.

So I told everyone that Carlisle danced like Elaine, from _Seinfeld, _with a touch of Willard, from _Footloose,_ before I taught him how to find the rhythm and beat. Carlisle pulled out the big guns next.

"Hey, Bella, remember when you met Dad for the first time?" Carlisle chuckled as he asked, knowing full well it was one, a story that was not exactly kid friendly and two would embarrass both Bella and I.

"Come on, no one wants to hear that story," I protested with a groan and Bella agreed.

"Yeah, we do!" Emmett said enthusiastically.

"Sounds like a good one," Alice rubbed her hands together excitedly and I rolled my eyes.

"Did you want me to tell it?" My brother asked in a smug voice. I gestured for Bella to go ahead, simply because it was better for her to tell it than I-don't-have-a-filter Carlisle, while I plotted my revenge. I would get him back.

"Well, Edward and I had been dating for five or so months. I'd met his mom on more than a few occasions, but it worked out that his dad was always working whenever I'd come over."

"Being Chief of Surgery at _Seattle Memorial_ at that time, he often worked double shifts if it was needed, or if there was a patient who he was especially concerned about," I explained.

"One day afterschool, we found ourselves at his house alone. We were cuddling in the living room, watching _Family Ties_-"

"I loved that show!" Rosalie interrupted Bella's story before Jacob interrupted her.

"Wait, wait, wait. Were you really cuddling?" Jake asked, cocking his eyebrow suspiciously.

"Yes, son, we were just cuddling." Bella was lying and she did it well.

The truth was we were getting our freak on in the living room. We weren't having sex, but we were certainly weren't completely innocent either. I still remember the blue baby doll dress Bella had been wearing that gave me easy access. Although hidden by the material of the dress, my fingers were inside her when my father unexpectedly arrived home. Poor Bella had been approaching orgasm when he walked in. I abruptly pulled my fingers out, leaving Bella gasping and then shrieking when she saw my father standing in front of us. It was hard (pun intended) for me to feign chastity when we were obviously guilty.

I was worried my dad was going to be angry but he simply stood there with a wide smirk on his face. He watched intently as both Bella and I blushed furiously as we tried to compose ourselves.

For the sake of the story, Bella revealed a little more of the truth.

"Okay, maybe we were kissing a little," Bella admitted with a wink and Jake gave me a sly, almost knowing grin and head nod.

"Daddy, was there boob groping going on as well?" Leah teased and I saw Adam fight back a smile.

"Do you want to hear the story or not?" I chided, then waved for Bella to continued.

"So, there we were, kissing on the couch when Grandpa came home. I was mortified! I'd never met the man and when I finally did, I was caught making out with his son. Totally embarrassing!" Bella shook her head as she remembered.

"Bella jumps up and starts talking utter non-sense about how we were studying even though we didn't have our books or anything. Cue Carlisle walking into the scene next." I wait for my brother to pick up the story.

"I laughed and made a smart ass comment about how they were studying alright. Studying Biology and Human Anatomy." Carlisle laughed hysterically at his comment, even though it happened more than twenty-five years ago.

"Edward's dad grinned at me and told me it was nice to finally meet me. Then he chuckled as he turned to Edward and said 'Well, at least I know you're not gay.'"

Bella was laughing before she finished the story and everyone joined her.

"Ha, ha, very funny," I griped, after I figured they'd laughed long enough.

"Why did Grandpa think you were gay?" Charlotte asked as the laughter died down.

I shrugged.

"Uh, could it be that you spent hours in the bathroom primping your hair every day? Or that you loved to listen to Wham!, Culture Club and Milli Vanilli. Honestly, bro, I was beginning to wonder as well." Carlisle was quick to point out my horrible taste in music back in the mid-eights. If the kids weren't around, I would have thanked him with a polite "fuck you," and a raised middle finger.

"How about we talk about when Charlie fell in love with me instead?" I needed to paint myself in a good light for the kids.

"I thought Charlie still hated you for the whole hand under his daughter's shirt thing when you were sixteen?" Emmett asked and I glared at him, the dumb ass.

"I want to hear that story!" Leah piped up.

"Another time." I balked at the idea and quickly continued. "So, about Charlie…"

I quickly launched into the story, hoping to distract the children from the story Emmett wanted me to share. Charlie hated me for a long time before I finally won him over. That probably wouldn't hold true if he ever found out about me writing porn, but that was never going to happen. Knock on wood.

The day Charlie's opinion changed of me didn't happen until after we were a married. It was certainly not under the best of circumstances. Charlie had invited us over for dinner, nothing unusual there, but he casually dropped a bomb over dessert.

"I think I have cancer," he blurted out.

"What?" Bella exclaimed as her fork dropped to her plate.

Turned out, he didn't. What he did have was a benign prostate tumor. Regardless, it was very scary waiting and wondering for a couple weeks.

Using my father's connections, I got Charlie in to see the best specialists right away. Preliminary tests were of concern, and Charlie opted to have his right testicle removed as a precaution. Then, we had to wait for the pathology report to come in - an antagonizing wait.

Before the results came in, Charlie invited me to spend the afternoon fishing with him. I have to admit, I was leery accepting as we'd never had any one-on-one time before. I wondered if there would be an "accident" that would result in my death, or at the very least an injury.

We were quiet for most of the day, not sure how to talk to each other or even what to talk about. After a few hours of uncomfortable silence between us, Charlie finally spoke up.

"Edward, I need to talk to you about something." He cast his line out and kept his eye on the water.

"Uh, okay." I admit to being curious.

"Bella's my baby girl. I know you don't understand why I'm so protective of her, but if you're ever blessed with a daughter one day, you will. I guarantee, you will hate all her boyfriends, and quite simply, no one will be good enough for her."

How right he was.

"Bella's happiness means everything to me. God, she's everything to me. For a long time, I was the only one who made her happy. And then you came into the picture."

I thought I saw him roll his eyes but I wasn't sure.

"If this _thing_ turns out to be cancer…" His voice drifted off as I shook my head, not wanting to think about the worst possible outcome. Charlie held up his hand to stop me from talking as he continued.

"I want you to look after my girl. I need you to promise me, you will always make her happy, at any cost. Even if it means sacrificing for her."

It was then that I realized he had done exactly that for Bella – always giving her the best even if he had to go without. I could only imagine how difficult being a single father had been for him.

Charlie's eyes were brimming with tears. Police Chief Swan was many things — strong, arrogant, authoritative, even scary — but a crier he was not.

Apparently, I didn't hide my surprised expression.

"Don't look at me like that, son." Charlie angrily brushed away his tears with a balled fist. "I need to know Bella will be taken care of when I'm gone."

I nodded my head slowly and gave him a weak smile.

"Chief, Bella means everything to me as well." I paused.

I wanted him to know that my love for Bella was transcendent. That I would fight to the death for her honor. If I thought there was someone else that could make her happier than I could, I would leave so she could find happiness with him. That I would do it even if it pained me for the rest of my days. I wasn't stupid, I certainly wasn't going to tell Chief that. Knowing him, he would set out to find that person.

I looked at Charlie trying to figure out how to put it so he would understand that his daughter, my Bella, was my one and only, my forever.

"Charlie, I love your daughter like you love fishing, but ten fold. And I need her in my life like every great fisherman needs a fully stocked tackle box." For the first time ever, my father-in-law actually chuckled at something I'd said.

"I'll be her dream, her wish, her fantasy. I'll be her hope, her love, be everything that she needs. I'll love her more with every breath, truly, madly deeply. I will be strong; I will be faithful. She is my reason, my deeper meaning." I put my hand over my heart after I'd finished speaking and Charlie nodded, slinging his arm around my shoulder.

Alice snorted, interrupting my story.

"Hang on a second. You really quoted the song 'Truly, Madly, Deeply' to him?"

"I did." I smiled and nodded proudly.

"What did Charlie do then?" Jasper wondered.

"Very seriously he said, 'Did you want to stand with her on a mountain and bathe with her in the sea, too? You have some serious balls, Cullen.'" I mimicked Charlie's voice as I quoted him.

"At least I still have both my balls, sir." I teased. "Charlie laughed so hard I thought he was mentally ill, but it broke the barrier between us. In my defense, I couldn't believe he knew the song! He told me he owned the tape and it was one of his favorites – go figure." I shrugged.

"I totally remember that album, Charlie's got good taste in music," Rosalie praised.

"I couldn't afford to buy it," Alice pouted. Her mom had been a single parent and times were tough for them for many years. "I had to sit by the radio all day to record one song, remember that?"

"Totally!" Bella agreed. "And you'd always get a least part of the deejay blabbing at the beginning or end of the song."

Damn, I always hated that.

That got us talking about mixed tapes and some of our favorite songs from back in the day. We all laughed over how sometimes we'd have to rewind a tape with a pencil through the hole, a concept our kids had no first hand knowledge of. We had another laugh remember how we'd put tape on the corners so you could record over things again if the tabs were broken.

Eventually, we were talking about all the things from the nineties. Things like, walkmans, pagers, slouch socks and my personal favorite, the mid-drift bearing crop tops. Bored by the conversation, the kids went back up our house to watch a movie.

"So, Edward, tell us the real story of when your dad caught you two making out. You know, the x-rated one." Emmett waggled his eyebrows.

I smirked. "How about we talk about some of your college antics instead, shall we?"

Knowing I could annihilate him with his own x-rated stories, Emmett wisely chose to change the subject.

"So, Jasper, what kind of trouble did you get yourself in?" Em asked as he finished off his beer.

Since our truth or dare night, so many years before, I had come to know seemingly quiet Jasper had a wild streak to him back in the day. Jazz quietly shrugged and sipped his beer.

"We once got caught having sex in the change room at Nordstrom's," Alice blurted out, then her hand flew to her mouth as she realized she'd said that out loud. "I think I've had enough to drink for tonight." She giggled.

"Haven't we all been caught at some point? Adam walked in on us when he was little. Traumatized him, poor kid." Rosalie remembered.

"Oh my God, I'd blocked that out. We thought we could get a quickie in before he woke up from his nap. Rosie, weren't you pregnant with Paul?" Emmett asked.

"I was hugely pregnant," she confirmed. "I was on top and Ad comes padding into the bedroom in his cute little footed pajamas. Then went ballistic and started hitting Emmett telling him to stop hurting his mommy and his baby. It was so cute."

"Apparently, Mrs. Screamer over there was a little loud and Adam thought I was torturing his mother." Emmett laughed.

"We have been interrupted by the kids more times than we can count," I grumbled. "One time, over the baby monitor, remember that, Bella?"

"Ah, yes, the 'yum yum yum delicioso' comment." Bella giggled.

"What?" Asked Esme, confused yet already giggling.

"I was, uh, going downstairs on Bella."

I couldn't believe I was blushing. I wrote porn for a living, for fuck's sake, but saying it out loud was a whole new thing.

"Downstairs, Edward? Really, man? We're all adults here." Emmett scoffed. "You're an editor. Be a cunning linguist and think of a better word than 'downstairs.' Get it? _Cunning linguist_?" Em slapped his thigh at his own joke. I admit, it was clever, but I ignored him and continued.

"And over the monitor we heard Leah quoting Dora. 'Yum, yum, yum! Delicioso!' I started laughing so hard I couldn't continue." I confessed.

"We finally manage to finish and as we were lying there enjoying the after-glow, Leah starts up again. 'We did it, we did it, yeah! We went over the bridge and through the forest, yeah, we did it, horray!' and she started clapping." Bella laughed as she told the rest of the story.

"Nothing like having your own private cheering team," Jasper pointed out.

"Nicholas walked in on us not that long ago." Carlisle snickered. "It's one thing for your kids to walk in when they are little and can hopefully block it out. Poor Nick got an eyeful and demanded money for therapy, which I gave him, by the way."

"You mean you still have sex? Gross," Alice teased with a wink.

Emmett leaned over and rubbed Rosalie's growing baby bump. "Well, some of us still do."

"And this mom-to-be is exhausted. I think I'll head up to bed." The rest of us agreed and followed suit as the fire died down. Carlisle threw water on the last of the dying embers as we made our way off the beach. We could see the kids hanging out at our house still, watching movies, and tossing popcorn at each other.

"Hey, Edward," Jasper called out to us, as we were going in. "You two should probably not have sex, it would cost you a fortune to pay for therapy for all those kids."

"Ooooh, God, yeah, baby," Alice moaned loudly and Esme joined in with her own sex purrs and air humping.

"Ha, ha." I gave them the double fingered salute as I followed Bella into the house, palming her ass playfully.

Kids or no kids, I was getting laid. Jazz was right though, I didn't need therapy bills on top of all my other expenses. Bella and I opted for shower sex instead. Ridding ourselves of the buildup of sand, sun block and semen, all at the same time. I've always been good at multi-tasking.

What I wasn't so good at was staying awake after sex. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was done for, fully satiated from the amazing sex and sunshine.

God, I loved vacation.

**So, who else has played the 'let's see who can stay quiet the longest' game? Doesn't last long with my littles. Sure wish the car with the divider would be invented soon!**

**I wonder if Edward will get back at Carlisle for all the story telling. Edward's poor nipple!**

**Did you like Edward's ball comment to his Father in law? tee hee hee**

**Next up: EA Masen is about to be found out by one of his biggest fans...**

**Thank you for reading and reviewing! Perhaps a teaser from the next chapter for those who review? Hugs to you all for reading!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter! I love hearing your funny stories and chatting back and forth. Thank you to Lolo for pre-reading this chapter xo. **

* * *

**Chapter 12**

On our last evening in Oregon we all went out for dinner together. Tradition had us invading the local Italian restaurant year after year. The owner's wife remarked at how grown up the kids were, and smiled at seeing Adam and Leah as a couple. She lamented something in Italian about _amore_ and _matrimonio_. I didn't understand all that she'd said, but I knew I didn't like the sound of it. _Matrimonio,_ my ass.

When we got back to the vacation house, the kids called dibs on the hot tub, so the eight adults enjoyed another bonfire. Sitting around the fire, we alternated between bullshitting and staring into the flames, that licked at the logs in a random, hypnotic pattern. Somehow, I always had a full drink in my hand and I was feeling relaxed from both the buzz and the week of downtime.

I don't know if it was the booze, the night air, or just the way it was when we all got together, but the conversation eventually turned to sex. Again.

"I don't want to go home tomorrow. You know what I love about vacation?" Alice asked. "The sex. It's always better when you're away."

Rosalie snorted. "That's because the two of you had an empty house last night." Charlotte, Megan and Jessica all had a sleep over at Emmett and Rosalie's the night before. "Sex was certainly out of the question for us last night. The gaggle of girls were giggling until two in the morning."

"There certainly wasn't giggling at our place," Carlisle informed us. Beside him, Esme blushed and I leaned over and bumped fists with my brother.

"You guys, too?" Emmett glowered at us and muttered several curse words under his breath.

"How often do you guys do it?" Rosalie put the question out to the group.

"Twice a week, wouldn't you say?" Alice asked Jasper and he agreed.

"I'd die," Carlisle said, much to Jasper's displeasure. "If we drop to four times a week, I have to take matters into my own hands. More than once."

"Totally!" I agreed. "A high sex drive must be a Cullen thing."

Jasper gave my brother and I the finger and called us assholes.

"At least I'm an asshole who has a lot of sex," I teased with a laugh. "Thank God Bella and I are on the same libido page. What about you guys?" I addressed Emmett.

"More than two, less than five. Before Rosalie got pregnant, we were averaging three or four times a week."

Rose nodded. "This pregnancy has really taken it's toll on me, I'm so tired all the time. I guess that's what happens when there's sixteen years between pregnancies."

"Speaking of sixteen year olds, they are having a lot of fun up there." Bella noted.

The giggles and squeals from the kids floated from the hot tub down to the beach. It made me smile until I realized brooding teenagers shouldn't be that happy. They were up to something. Or into something. Probably wine. Maybe worse. Oh shit.

Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle and I all had the same notion about the kids. A fierce battle of best of three rock, paper, scissors and I was the lucky one who got to go check on them. As I was walking back to the house, I met Adam and Leah on the walkway.

"Hey! Where are you kids off to?" I asked.

"We thought we'd join you guys at the fire for a bit," Leah told me in passing.

"I'm just grabbing something more to drink. I'll meet you back there in a bit." I told them.

I walked backwards, watching the two of them. Their fingers were laced together and a blanket was draped over Adam's arm. Leah's ponytail swung slightly as they walked. Damn it, they looked really cute together.

As I approached the house, I could make out some of the conversation and discovered the kids were playing truth or dare. I suspected they were too young for anything raunchy, but you never know. I leaned against the side of the house, listening in for a bit.

Jacob was dared to sing 'Baby' by Justin Butthead. His rendition, which was very good in his smooth, inherited from me voice, elicited giggles from the girls, while Paul called him gay.

Nicholas was next and he chose truth.

"Have you ever smoked pot?" Paul questioned.

"Never." Came Nick's immediate answer. "No desire to smoke, cigarettes, or weed."

"Me either," Jacob said. "I want to get a football scholarship this year. I need to be in top condition, not to mention, I can't risk getting caught - by my dad or my coach. Pretty sure both would kick my ass."

I smiled to myself, proud of my son. And yes, I would kick his ass. Jessica, Bree, Megan, and Charlotte's answers were muffled but from the way Paul scoffed, my guess was they all said no as well.

"Charlotte, your turn. Truth or dare?" Megan waited for her to reply.

"Dare."

Of course, my daughter had to say dare. I rolled my eyes.

"I dare you to kiss Paul, again."

Again? What the fuck?

I walked around the corner before it could happen. Unfortunately, Paul worked fast; his tongue was already down my daughter's throat when I got to the tub.

"Hey, kids."

Charlotte and Paul separated quickly, and Jessica, Bree and Megan giggled loudly.

"Whatcha doing?" I asked casually, as I narrowed my eyes on Paul in silent warning. One of my daughters dating a McCarty was enough, thank you very much.

"Hey, Dad. We're just hanging out, you know." Charlotte answered, trying to sound nonchalant. "What are you here for?"

"I just came back for a drink." I hated the smirk on Paul's face. I thought I liked the kid, but he really was way too much like Emmett.

"You came to check up on us, didn't you?" Charlotte rolled her eyes.

"Looks that way. A word, Char? Now, please."

She sighed dramatically as she got out of the tub. I passed her a towel to cover up with, but she snubbed it as she followed me into the kitchen, padding barefoot, and dripping on the tile floor.

I reached into the kitchen cupboard and took out a large glass then filled it to the brim with ice, and water. For a minute I didn't speak. I needed to be subtle in asking about her and Paul. Find a way to broach the subject politely so my daughter wouldn't get her nose out of joint. I wondered how Bella would handle the situation?

"I don't want you sucking face with Paul."

Yeah, that probably wasn't how Bella would have handled it.

"It was only a dare to kiss him, Dad."

"Again."

"What?" Charlotte looked confused.

"You were dared to kiss him again. When was the first time?"

"A few nights ago. Just a kiss amongst friends." She waved her hands around as she spoke, indicating it wasn't a big deal to her.

"Funny, Auntie Alice and Auntie Rosalie are my friends and I don't go ramming my tongue down either of their throats."

"Don't be silly. You're married and so are they." She rolled her eyes yet again as if I was the one being ridiculous.

"Charlotte." Stern, disapproving father voice.

"Daddy." Obnoxious, rebelling teenager voice.

Commence staring contest.

Charlotte gave up after sixty-five seconds, I know because I was counting. "Fine. No more kissing Paul."

"Thank you." I told her before we headed back outside. Charlotte hopped right back into the tub, and I leaned over and kissed her head before I went back to the beach. As I kissed her, I accidentally spilled my ice water over Paul's head, and he screamed like a girl. Yes, I'm that juvenile. Yes, it felt great. No, I wasn't successful in resisted smirking.

"Oh, sorry about that, Paul," I apologized weakly and Jacob laughed.

"Nice one, Pops," he commended, high fiving me.

"I'm leaving you in charge here, Jake. Make sure there's no funny business going on." How ironic that I was leaving Jacob in charge. What was the world coming to?

Jake saluted me. "Yes, sir."

I glared at Paul one more time before I went back to the beach. Bella asked if everything was okay, since I took so long, so I told them what I had interrupted. Rosalie sighed and apologized for her son. Bella and I both admitted Charlotte was probably just as guilty as Paul. Emmett quietly drank his beer, knowing Paul had gotten his moves from him.

"Are they still playing truth or dare? That game's worse than two minutes in the closet." Leah laughed.

How exactly did my daughter know that truth or dare was worse? Who and what was she doing in a closet? What sort of dares had she done? I didn't think I wanted to know.

Adam spoke before I could open my mouth and interrogate my daughter.

"Did you want to go for a walk, Leah?" Adam asked and she agreed. They stood up, shook the sand from the blanket and started off down the beach together. The moon was bright, illuminating them as they strolled along the shore, the water lapping at their ankles. Adam lifted Leah's hand to his mouth, and kissed it sweetly, as they walked.

"Awww, look at them," Esme gushed. "They are super cute together."

A ways down the beach, from what they thought was our prying eyes, they stopped walking for a moment. One of Adam's hands cupped Leah's face, the other tangled in the hair at the back of her neck. As he leaned in to kiss her, I adjusted myself so I wasn't watching them anymore and cracked open another beer.

"Can't watch that, huh, bro?" Carlisle teased and I shook my head.

"Voyeurism can be fun." I winked at Alice and Jasper. "But that's my daughter. Wrong, on so many levels." I shuddered.

"Damn, I wish E.A. Masen would write a voyeurism storyline. Now that would be hot," Alice mused as she sighed dreamily.

Jasper rolled his eyes in protest.

"What the fuck? You're completely infatuated with an author that you don't even know is male or female." His voice was thick with annoyance.

"So?" Alice responded as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"So, it's borderline obsessive." Jasper turned to the rest of us. "Do you know there are E.A. Masen fan groups on Facebook? Alice is on one group where there are hundreds of women swooning over fictional characters. Fictional! That is some fucked up shit." Jazz shook his head in disbelief but I was interested.

"Really?" I exclaimed. I had no idea. Jasper shook his head and waved his hand as he made a 'pppffff' sound.

"It's all in good fun. It's not like I'm cheating on you," Alice piped up, defending herself.

"No, but I'd bet you'd hump the author if you two ever met." Jazz said as he laughed. I snorted as Emmett let out a boisterous laugh.

"Awesome, now there's a picture in my head of Alice humping Edward's leg. Fucking funny." Emmett continued to laugh until he realized that he'd just outted me.

Silence fell upon us as we all avoided looking at each other. I sipped my beer quietly, pretending nothing out of the ordinary had just happened. Maybe Alice hadn't heard what Emmett had said. Yeah, right, like she hadn't heard his booming voice.

"What did you say?" Alice asked quietly.

Emmett stuttered. "I, uh, said nothing. Anyone want another beer?"

Someone said "yes" and I jumped up, volunteering to get it.

"Sit your ass down, Cullen. You have some explaining to do." Alice glared at me. "Can someone tell me why I would want to hump Edward's leg? Jasper?" She looked at her husband expectantly.

"Don't look at me, I have no idea what the hell is going on." Jasper looked genuinely confused. Alice trained her eyes on me, and I deferred her to Rose.

"Care to take this one, Mrs. Publisher?" I asked sweetly, giving her my best suck-up smile. Rosalie sighed.

"Alice, meet E.A. Masen." She waved a hand in my direction as she made the introduction. I gave Alice a cheesy grin as Bella looked at me proudly. It was the first time I'd ever been introduced as that after years of hiding behind my pen name. I have to admit - it felt good.

Alice coughed/laughed in disbelief and Jasper's mouth hung open, catching flies.

"Yeah, right, very funny, Rose. Like Edward is E.A. Masen," Alice scoffed.

"Alice, his full name is Edward Anthony Mason Cullen. E.A. Masen, get it?" Bella explained but Alice wasn't convinced.

"Okay, Mr. E.A. Masen, name one book title," Alice challenged.

"Here and Now."

"What's it about?" She demanded.

I went on to name the main characters and gave a brief synopsis of the story. Alice wasn't satisfied, saying it was too easy for me to know, since it was one of my more popular books. So, I rattled off the title of each one of my novels, giving the names of the main characters and the year it was published.

"This is ridiculous. I've known you for twenty years, there is no way you are him. I don't believe it." Stubborn Alice shook her head.

Desperate times called for desperate measures. I decided to quote from my tenth book, Night Song. It was a racier novel, where the main characters had sex within hours of meeting. Not just any kind of sex - fast, furious, got-to-have-you-right-fucking-now and can't-walk-the-next-day kind of sex. And that was just the first chapter.

I cleared my throat and put on my "sexy voice", the one I used when talking dirty to Bella in the bedroom. If my voice and my words didn't convince Alice, nothing would.

"Standing in the cage of his arms, a hot surge of need and anticipation rushed through me. We'd only just met but I felt like I'd known him a lifetime already. His lips brushed mine, soft but not the least bit tentative. Leisurely, yet not casual. Chaste, but certainly not innocent. As Quinn traced the outline of my lips with the tip of his tongue, nibbling and sucking on my upper lip, I thought my heart might pound out of my chest. As it was, my nipp—"

"Edward." Bella's voice stopped me. I smirked at her and then Alice, whose mouth had dropped open again. By the way Jasper was looking at me, I knew he was convinced. He glared at me like I was a voodoo doll he was putting pins in.

Esme fanned herself. "God, I love Quinn."

"I'm pretty sure if you would have said the word 'nipples', Alice would have to change her panties," Carlisle remarked with a chuckle. Alice slowly nodded her head; Jasper had yet to comment.

"Come on, admit it, Alice. You want to hump Edward," Emmett teased.

"I kind of do. Holy fucking shit. You are really him!"

Then Alice squealed. The horrible sound that little girls make when they are excited, was just as annoying coming from a forty-something year old woman.

"Shhh," I looked around, not wanting to draw the attention of anyone, especially the kids.

"I'm sorry, but you're really him! Bella, you are one lucky bitch. No wonder you have sex so much, you're sleeping with E.A. Masen!" Alice's voice was still about five decibels higher then it needed to be.

"I fucking hate you," Jasper growled, and I laughed.

"I'm sorry," I chuckled as I apologized to him. "I write erotica for women, it's not something I want the world to know."

"Yeah, I still hate you. Prick. For fucking years, you have set the standard that Alice expects of me. Ri-fucking-diculous!"

I mouthed I was sorry to him and Emmett passed him another beer, which he accepted with thanks.

"Who all knows?" Alice wondered and Rosalie explained that it was only our circle and, obviously, the kids didn't know.

Jasper eyed Bella and I suspiciously.

"You write from, uh, personal experience?" He asked with a hint of a smirk. I cocked him an eyebrow for a response.

"All that wall sex and … " Jasper lowered his voice "…stuff?"

I knew he was referring to some of the more risqué things I had my characters engage in. Toys in the bedroom, anal sex, watching porn, making porn, spanking, mutual masturbation, rough sex; you name it. I'd written - and tried - it all. Except a threesome. Never, ever a threesome. I cringed at the mere thought.

Bella blushed and revealed more than my words could have.

"Damn. Who knew you two had it in you. I always thought you were more of a missionary type couple." He wagged a finger between me and Bella. I responded with shoulder shrug and my wife smacked my arm, hard.

"Ow! I didn't confirm or deny!" I defended myself, and Bella rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, I hate you a little more now." At least Jasper laughed that time.

"And how is it that you know about all that stuff, Jazz?" Rosalie quirked her eyebrow at him. "Been doing some reading late at night?"

"More like researching. Alice has been in love with those books for almost our entire relationship. I had to find out what the fuss was about. Edward, some of the, uh, descriptions are pretty educational." Jasper held his fist out to me and we bumped knuckles.

"Ahem!" Carlisle cleared his throat. "Who do you think taught him all he knows?"

"Yeah, yeah, you can't take all the credit, bro. Practice does make perfect. And everyone knows I'm a perfectionist." I gloated.

"This is so crazy. Edward, you have to sign every one of my books. And I want you to do more readings for me, and you have to tell me what's coming up next for you. Oh my God, can you work a voyeurism storyline in just for me? Please?" Alice was talking a mile a minute and Jasper shook his head.

"Alice, take a deep breath, and breathe," I reminded her. "My identity still has to stay a secret. I don't want people to know about this, especially the kids."

"Of course! I'm sorry. I'm a little excited right now."

"Excited enough to hump him?" Emmett wondered.

"Maybe."

Jasper cleared his throat.

"I'm kidding, Jazzy." Alice apologized then turned to me. "Edward, I promise I won't hump any of your appendages. Can you tell me what you're working on next? Please, pretty please!" Alice begged

We stayed on the beach talking, long after the fire had died down, and the alcohol was all gone. Jasper assured me he didn't really hate me but he did want to grab a beer sometime to talk. The way he wiggled his eyebrows at me, I suspected he wanted some tips or something. That, or he was going to pummel my ass for creating characters he felt he had been competing with for two decades.

Everyone else eventually went to bed but Alice and I stayed up talking about possible storylines. She actually had some great plot ideas that I thought I could work with. I had no idea she had such a dirty mind. Well, I did, I just never wanted to tap into that before.

As we were about to call it a night, Adam and Leah came strolling back to where we were, the blanket wrapped around Leah's shoulders. I was surprised they were still out, assuming they had gone back to the house hours ago.

"Hey. You're out late," I noted. Leah shrugged.

"Last night here, you know," she explained.

"Did you have a nice night?" Alice asked.

"It was great." Adam commented as he smiled shyly in Leah's direction.

There was something about the way he said it that alluded to more. Something was definitely different but I couldn't put my finger on what. I scratched my head as I stared at the two of them. They looked rather enchanted with one another, but then again, they always did. Leah's hair was pulled back in a low, messy ponytail – nothing unusual about that – and Adam's shirt was loose from his shorts. I couldn't remember if it was like that before they left or not. His hair was messy but the way he was running his fingers through it, no wonder. Perhaps I was reading too much into it.

Leah walked over to me and kissed my cheek softly, telling me she was tired and going to bed. Adam mumbled something incoherent before they went up to the house. They clasped hands again, and Leah rested her head on Adam's shoulder as they walked.

I stood there, dumbfounded and unable to speak. They didn't, did they? Before I could continue the thought in my head, Alice commented quietly.

"Looks like those two had a memorable night."

"Yeah, last night of vacation, stay out late and enjoy every last minute." Even to my own ears it sounded like bullshit.

"More like, last night of vacation let's have sex on the beach, I'd say," Alice said with a shrug.

"W-what?" I choked on my words.

"Come on, Edward. You saw their faces. Surely you aren't that naïve? You have written that post-coital look on your characters before, certainly you recognize it when you see it."

"Maybe they were just talking." I was delusional, I know.

"Oh, I'm sure there was talking going on." Alice wagged her eyebrows suggestively. "He is Emmett's son, you remember."

"Not helping, Alice, not helping. I'll remember this when Jessie has her first boyfriend." I threatened.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. You're right, they were probably just talking." She failed at trying to placate me. We walked back to our respective houses in silence. We got to her place first and bid each other goodnight.

"Goodnight, E.A. Masen. Nice to finally meet you." Alice stuck her hand out to me. I shook her hand, and kissed her cheek.

"Night, Alice. Sweet dreams."

"Oh, I will. Sorry if I molest you in them tonight." She winked at me. I shook my head and made my way over to my house. Instead of going to bed, I poured myself a glass of wine and sat alone on the deck. Another vacation in paradise was coming to a close and I wasn't ready to let it go just yet.

The moon was high in the night sky. Though it was partly obscured by wispy clouds, it cast enough light that I could see the waves as they came ashore. I put my feet up on the railing, leaning my chair back on two legs. I sipped my wine as I watched the waves roll in. I was entranced, almost hypnotized, by the lull of the movements. I was so enthralled that I didn't hear Leah until she pulled up a chair beside me.

I looked over at my daughter. She wore a smile on her freshly washed, still dewy face. Her hair was long and loose, lightly blowing in the breeze, and she tucked an stray piece behind her ear. I noticed her long, lean legs were perfectly sun-kissed as she placed her bare feet on the railing beside mine. Her toenails were painted pink and her silver toe-ring was visible in the moon light. I blinked, once, twice, three times while I stared at her. Simply put she was more than beautiful, she was radiant. My baby girl had turned into young woman.

Leah and I said nothing as we stared out at the ocean together for countless minutes. I passed her my wine glass and our eyes met as she took it from me, giving me a shy smile before she took a sip. That little smile confirmed what I already knew.

Eventually, Leah went back to bed and I stayed up and finished my wine. A short while later, a pair of arms wrapped around my neck, and kisses were bestowed along my jaw line.

"You coming to bed soon?" Bella whispered huskily in my ear "I miss you."

I nodded as I sighed. "Yeah, I'm coming."

"Everything okay?"

My wife knew me well.

"I'm fine."

"I know you don't want to leave tomorrow. It's always hard to leave here. It's like our own little oasis. We always make such good memories."

I could have taken that opportunity to tell Bella about the memory that Leah and Adam had made, but I felt like it wasn't mine to tell. Knowing Leah and Bella's relationship was a close one, I figured my daughter would eventually tell her mom about the events herself. Instead, I stood up and enveloped Bella into a hug, planting my own kisses along her neck.

"Speaking of memories..." I let my words trail off as I scooped her up into my arms, carting her off to the bedroom. Our last night of vacation was definitely memorable as we made love until the sun rose.

**Who guessed Alice and Jasper finding out? In my head, I have Jasper being completely jealous about Alice wanting to hump Edward and their last night on vacation is spent fighting and making up. Maybe an outtake? Who knows.**

**And what about Leah and Adam? I'm not one for sex on a beach - sand in precarious places - but they did have a blanket so maybe they were spared.**

**Thank you for reading and reviewing! I respond to anyone who reviews and love to chat with you about your thoughts and what you want to read coming up. If you are so inclined, please leave me a note, I love hearing from you!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Lolo: thank you for pre-reading xo. Thank YOU for putting my story on alert and for all your reviews – I love you all and adore 'meeting' you via PMs.**

**Alright, FuzzyFur asked for Edward to have a heart to heart with Adam. This is as fluffy as Edward gets with the guy who's stolen his daughter's heart. But first, Bella has PMS. Read on!**

**Chapter 13**

It was back to life, back to reality, after the summer ended. September was another busy month with everyone returning to school and me trying to work on my novel. Rosalie wanted to read the first ten chapters by the end of the week, so I had my work cut out for me.

Each morning, I sequestered myself in my office with all the necessities I needed to write: coffee, laptop, and some form of sugar. That particular day, it happened to be Bella's not-so-well-hidden stash of M&M Peanuts.

First mistake - don't touch Bella's emergency stash.

Bella arrived home shortly after four in a fowl mood. I heard her banging things around before she knocked on my office door and let herself in. I smiled at her but instead of returning it, she scowled at me instead.

"Did you eat my M&M's?" she asked, glancing around.

With my foot, I shoved my garbage can under my desk, hiding the evidence. I turned my eyes back to my computer screen.

"You had M&M's in the house?" I tried to feign innocence.

Second mistake – don't lie to Bella.

"We have been married a long time, Edward. I have been hiding M&M's, and you have pretended not to notice for years now. Kind of like how I pretend not to know about your downloaded porn collection."

"That's work related," I scoffed.

Bella lifted one eyebrow and I slightly cowered in my seat.

"Where are they?" Clearly, she was not amused.

"Maybe Leah or Charlotte ate them." I suggested.

She leveled me a look. No pout needed, I dropped what I was doing and offered to go to the store for her.

"That's not the point, Edward. I bought those for me. I don't go around eating your Twizzlers."

"You don't like Twizzlers, though." I pointed out.

"Again, that's not the point."

"I wouldn't care if you ate them, just saying."

Third mistake – keep mouth shut when wife is already pissy.

"Oh, so you're better than me now because you wouldn't care if I ate your snack, is that what you're saying?" Bella put her hands on her hips.

"That's not what I'm saying at all. You're PMS-ing aren't you?" I meant that in the nicest way possible.

My fourth mistake put the nail in the coffin. Bella's face went red in anger and she spat her words out at me.

"Yeah, maybe, I am. But you know what PMS actually stands for? Plainly, Men Suck. Pass My Shotgun. Potential Murder Suspect." Bella was seething as she narrowed her eyes in my direction.

Odd, because in my head, PMS meant so many other things.

Psychotic Mood Shift.

Perpetual Munching Spree.

Pardon My Sobbing.

Pass Me Sweets.

Pissy Mood Syndrome.

Poor Man Suffers.

Pleasing My Self.

Sadly, I identified with the above two the most. Obviously, I kept all those to myself. I wasn't that stupid.

"Come here, baby." I went to her and attempted to wrap my arms around her, knowing a hug would make her feel better.

Bella pushed me away. "You want sex, don't you?"

"What? No! I just thought a hug would make you feel better."

"You know what would make me feel better?" Bella smiled at me sweetly. Too sweetly. "Eating my God damned M&M's."

"I said I'll go get you some."

"Nevermind, it's fine."

Fine. Yeah, I knew exactly what that meant. I was a writer, I knew all the acronyms.

F – Furious

I – Irritable

N – Neurotic

E – Emotional.

I grabbed my keys, put my tail between my legs, and kissed my cranky, yet beautiful, wife's cheek. I went to the bulk bins at the local grocery store and bought forty-seven dollars worth of M&M peanuts. Before I made my way home, I picked up several of Bella's favorite dishes from PF Chang's.

When I got back home, I handed Bella the massive bag of M&M's first, then the Chinese food. She got tears in her eyes and threw her arms around my neck to thank me.

Just another day in the life with a PMS-ing Bella.

Thank God for chocolate and Chinese.

The next day, I went back to the grind, plugging away on my still untitled novel. Well, that's not entirely true. The novel wasn't officially named but I needed to save it as something. Being that the main character's name was Will, it was temporarily inappropriately titled 'Good Will Humping'. Rosalie always had a laugh over my preliminary titles: Pulp Friction, The Godfondler, Bitchcock, Cum Dog Millionaire.

Yes, I'm a sick, sick man. You love me for it, I know.

In case the kids ever used my laptop, early on, Rosalie taught me how to encrypt all my files. That is exactly what I did after my final edit. Before I could back up to my USB stick though, my laptop unexpectedly shut itself down. I quirked an eyebrow at the blank screen and pressed the space bar. When nothing happened, I hit it again and again, probably a little more forcefully than necessary. I held down the power button waiting for my MacBook to reboot. Nothing.

What the fuck?

I had ten chapters sitting there, ready to be pre-read by Rosalie, and I couldn't get my fucking computer to turn on. I had encrypted the file but not backed up. Shit. I always backed up except the fucking computer died before I could. There was potentially hours of hard work gone.

No, no, no, this was bad, very, very bad.

I'm not exactly computer illiterate. MS Word, email, Google, Facebook, no problem. Certainly, I can find myself around a porn site easy enough. However, faced with a black screen, I was completely helpless.

Frantic, I left a panicked message on Rosalie's voice mail hoping she could help me or have someone from IT call me back. I stomped off to the kitchen.

Where the fuck were those damn M&M's? If they worked for PMS, surely they would help with this.

A voice in the kitchen startled me.

"You okay?"

I turned and faced Adam who was sitting at the kitchen table, with a textbook open in front of him.

"What are you doing here? Why aren't you in school?" I growled. It was two o'clock in the afternoon, and I wasn't in the mood for company, especially someone who was screwing my daughter. What? He was.

"I don't have classes on Friday's this semester, so I drove home last night. I'm waiting for Leah. She's done early on Friday's and is upstairs getting ready. We're meeting some of her friends for an early dinner." Adam twirled his pen between his fingers as he explained.

While he was talking, I found the coveted stash of chocolate, which Bella had cleverly hidden behind her box of Fiber "Make You Shit Your Pants" One cereal. (I was more of a Coco Puff type of guy.) I shoved a handful of M&M's into my mouth.

"You looked stressed." Obviously, that was his polite way of telling me the vein in my forehead looked like it might explode. Truthfully, it felt like it might.

I snorted, almost choking on the M&M's.

"Yeah, I'm stressed." I answered with my mouth full. "My laptop died and I was just finishing up an editing assignment that's due tomorrow."

"You have a MacBook Pro, right? That's what I use. I can take a look, if you want?" Adam offered.

"Naa, it's fine. I'll wait for your mom to call me back, hopefully she can hit me up with someone from the IT department later."

"Did you try to reset the computer's PMU, SMC, or PRAM?"

Apparently, I wasn't as computer literate as I thought.

"Are you even speaking English, boy?"

Adam laughed. "Come on, let me take a look. Is it in your office?"

I nodded and led the way. Adam sat behind my desk and pressed the space bar first, then held down the power button.

"Yeah, I tried that. You sure you know what you're doing?" I chastised.

"Just checking." Adam informed me as he wiggled, unplugged, and re-plugged the power cord. He pressed the power button again but nothing happened. Carefully, he flipped the laptop over, removed the battery, and blew inside. I snorted, like that was going to help anything. Adam ignored my snort as he put the battery back in and tried the power button again. Nada.

"It doesn't look good does it? Fuck!" I cursed then apologized. "Sorry."

"It's fine. It's possible that the SMC could have encountered an issue that may have caused unusual system behavior. Before it shut down was the computer acting odd? Running slow? Was the fan extra loud or not working at all? Was the SIL working?"

I looked at Adam blankly.

"I have no idea what the hell a SIL is or if it was working correctly. I was using Microsoft Word —it works about as fast as I can type — and I have no idea if the fan was extra fucking loud. It's a fan."

Adam smiled. "Well, when was the last time you backed your files up?"

I frowned as I rubbed my hand over my face. "I usually back up every day."

"Usually?" Adam asked.

"Well, the friggin computer died before I could back anything up today. I encrypted, and saved the file to my desktop, but never officially backed up."

Adam made a face.

"It's that bad?"

"Potentially, yes. I'm going to try to reset your PRAM first and then your SMC. It may take me a while."

"Can I get you something while you work?" It was the least I could do.

"Uh, some ice water, if you don't mind. Oh, and can you tell Leah I have to bail on dinner?"

"You don't have to do that, Adam."

He grinned. "I'm sure I could use the bonus points with my girlfriend's father."

He was, after all, doing inappropriate things with my daughter, bonus points couldn't hurt.

"I'll get that water."

Two hours later, my computer turned on. I was so happy, I wanted to kiss the boy. I offered him a beer instead, which he took after I assured him I wouldn't hold it against him, being that he was a minor drinking alcohol.

"Is my file there? The one I was working on when it crashed?" I was optimistic.

"Let me see. It's not on your desktop. Hhhmmmmm. Let me do some digging here. What did you save the file as?" Adam looked at me expectantly as I hummed and hawed for a minute.

"Good Will Humping," I finally stammered, as I nervously bit my fingernail. I tried not to blush.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Adam asked.

I cleared my throat. "Good Will Humping." It really was a clever title if only I hadn't had my Godson slash daughter's boyfriend trying to search for it.

Adam cocked me an eyebrow.

"Don't look at me like that. I just edit the documents. It's the writers that come up with the crazy titles." I smiled sheepishly, and waited patiently for him to find my document.

"I think I've got it here. Yup, Good Will Humping. It's still encrypted."

I let out the breath I felt like I'd been holding since the computer crashed.

"You just saved me, Adam. Thank you!"

I all but pushed him out of the way to check my file. Immediately, I went to decrypt the file but it wouldn't work. I cursed and told Adam I was having trouble and we traded seats again.

"Let me take a look. I've used OFTE before."

Say what? I smiled and nodded like I knew what the hell he was talking about. Adam's fingers flew across the keyboard

"I think I've got it but I'll have to re-load each chapter individually, should take a few minutes for each.…." His voice trailed off and his fingers stalled.

"Something wrong?" Oh God, please don't tell me everything was lost?

"Is this is E.A. Masen's new novel?" He asked in a low voice.

"Pppffff, no. Why would you say that?"

Oh Fuck.

"Maybe because the title page says 'Good Will Humping by E.A. Masen.' Is it?" Adam waited for me to explain myself with a tilt of his head. At that point, I knew he knew the truth, but decided to try and bluff my way through. Operative word: Try.

"Uh, no, I mean yes, actually it is. I was, uh, pre-reading the first ten chapters for him, uh, or her."

As far as everyone knew, I was an editor, so the lie was very plausible. If I hadn't stuttered and stammered my way through it like a moron, Adam may have believed me.

"My mom told me she is the only one who has ever dealt with the author in twenty years. Said he or she is very particular about only meeting with her specifically." Adam stared at me intently. "I believe she said he was completely anal. Highly irritable, often irrational. Even an asshole sometimes. Her words, not mine." His slightly raised eyebrow was full on cocky.

"Rosalie's, uh, been busy and, uh, tired lately. Growing a human and all. I was, uh, helping her out."

"Uh huh, sure. What's your middle name?" Adam eyed me suspiciously.

Like I said, I wasn't good at lying, especially on the fly. If I were, I would have said my middle name was Robert or Patrick or something. But no, I didn't. Idiot.

"My middle name? It's, uh, Tony," I croaked out.

"You mean Anthony." It was a statement, not a question. "Edward Anthony. Initials E. A. Interesting." Adam stroked his baby-faced chin thoughtfully.

"Heh, heh. I never realized that before." I chuckled.

"Did you know that people who laugh nervously are usually lying?" The boy could lift one eyebrow like he was a Cullen.

I glared at him. "What are you, a psychology major now?"

Adam ignored me and went straight for the truth.

"You're E.A. Masen, aren't you?"

Bella and I always said that if our kids ever asked us a question, point blank, we wouldn't lie to them. For example, when they asked if Santa Clause and the elves were real, we told them the truth. If they were old enough to think to ask the question, they were old enough to handle the truth.

I felt no shame in lying to Adam. He wasn't my kid.

"Yeah, right. Hi, I'm E.A. Masen and I'm a married man with kids and I write romance novels." I snorted for emphasis. "That's hilarious. Sorry, Adam, I'm just a boring editor."

"You're him! That's why that Sunday afternoon you were defending his ass and why it bothered you so much that I wasn't a fan of his writing. I'm totally right, I can tell by the look on your face. Holy Shit. You write porn!" Adam clapped his hands together once as he figured it out.

"Ssshhhhh!" I shushed him, even though we were alone in my office with the door closed.

"You are E.A. Masen."

"I didn't say that," I protested.

"You didn't have to. I love this. My Godfather, the man who is supposed to mentor me in life, writes smut. This is priceless." Looking smug, Adam leaned back in my office chair, hands laced behind his (fat) head. I resisted kicking his ass out of my seat simply because I really needed him to restore my chapters. Damn it.

"My role of Godfather is strictly limited to giving you birthday and Christmas presents." I informed the little punk.

"Riiiight."

"Are you done retrieving my document?" I skirted around the whole issue.

Adam folded his arms across his chest. "I'm not sure I can retrieve the document after all."

Asshole.

"Excuse me?" Adam asked, amusement in his voice.

Shit, that was out loud. "Nothing."

"Tell me the truth and I'll see if I can fix things."

I wanted to wipe the grin off his face – with sandpaper. Fucking, cocky, son of a bitch, punk-ass, little fucker.

Running my fingers through my hair, I sat down across from him. I needed to think, and fast. Then it came to me. Two could play at this game. Smile plastered on my face, I faced the pain in the ass.

"Listen, Adam. We all have secrets. Some are embarrassing things you wouldn't want anyone to know. Especially your girlfriend. I'm sure it would be really embarrassing for you if Leah ever found out about the snot collection you used to keep on your window sill."

Adam snorted like he didn't care. I needed to dig deeper. Pun not intended.

"I could always break out the photos of you in ballet when you were six."

He had the gall to roll his eyes at me and gestured at my computer screen.

"You sure have an abundance of porn and explicit videos on your laptop. I wonder if Auntie Bella knows? Or worse, does Leah know her father has such an extensive collection?"

I wanted to yell that it was for research purposes but managed to restrain myself. Was Adam really going to blackmail the blackmailer? Oh, I don't think so.

"There's also a little video tape of a certain happy, yet indecent, elf I'm sure I can get my hands on. Were you in sixth or seventh grade when that happened, I forget. It's a shame you didn't know the waistband maneuver technique back then." I cocked him an eyebrow and wasn't able to hide my smirk.

If you have no idea what technique I'm referring to, ask any male over the age of fifteen who's suffered a boner at an inopportune time.

"You wouldn't." Adam challenged me.

My smirk grew. "Oh yes, I would."

For obvious reasons, Adam didn't want the video of him in the Christmas play to surface. Red-faced, he turned his attention back to my laptop, his fingers hitting the keys harder than I thought necessary. A few minutes later, he turned to face me.

"Look at that, I think your Word document is perfectly fine, Mr. E.A. Masen."

"Excellent. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

I cleared my throat, needing to get serious.

"You're now part of a very select group who know about me, Adam. Your parents, my brother, Esme, Alice, Jasper, and Bella, obviously. You've read some of my novels and know of the, uh, sensitive material it covers. I'm sure you can appreciate why it's not something I want anyone else to know, especially my children."

Adam nodded. "Would it be really inappropriate of me to tell you that some of your work was rather … inspirational?"

I glared at him. "Considering you are dating my daughter? Yes. Highly inappropriate."

"Forget I said that."

"I will."

Then there was silence.

"Okay, looks like you're up and running. Do you have a USB stick?" I handed Adam one and he saved my work to the device.

When he was done, Adam and I both stood up and I extended my hand to him and he shook it firmly. We both knew it wasn't just a thanks. It was also a silent agreement that he wouldn't reveal who I was, and I wouldn't mention his soft porn Christmas play again.

"Thank you, Adam."

"Don't mention it."

"Yeah," I snorted. "Let's not."

At five, we made our way back to the kitchen. Adam and I had spent three hours together and I didn't kill him, I was proud of myself. Bella was standing at the island, preparing a salad for supper. She looked surprised to see us together.

"Hi, you two. What's going on?" She looked suspiciously between us.

"His computer crashed and I was able to fix it." Adam grinned widely as he threw his arm around my shoulder.

"Yes, and apparently Adam thinks we bonded more than we actually did." I wanted to glare at him but, damn it, he had saved the day.

Adam's cell phone rang; he pulled it from his pocket and smiled. "Excuse me, it's Leah. Hi, baby." He walked to the living room as he chatted.

Bella came over to me and fed me an olive from the Greek salad she was making. I sucked her finger in my mouth and raised my eyebrows at her.

"Not going to happen." She scolded me as she removed her finger, wagging it at me. "Besides the fact that Adam is in the next room, and Charlotte is upstairs, I need you get the kebobs on the grill."

I attempted to pout, sticking my bottom lip as I looked at her. Epic fail as Bella started laughing.

"Your pout needs some work, Mr. Cullen," Bella said between giggles. She swatted my butt with her hand. "The chicken's on the counter. Now, go."

I grabbed the meat, and some tongs, and went out to the backyard. While I was waiting for the grill to pre-heat, Jacob came home from football practice. As we tossed a ball around we chatted about his day at school. Adam came out to say he was going to meet up with Leah, and her friends, and I thanked him again for his help.

It was a nice evening so we decided to eat outside, enjoying the weather while it was still warm enough. Charlotte helped Bella bring the plates and side dishes outside while I taught Jake the art of grilling perfect kebobs. I was the grill master, after all.

The four of us ate a leisurely meal on the back deck, turning on the heat lamp when the night air grew cooler. It was nice to chat with the kids about their classes, and teachers, as well as hear about Bella's new class of little ones. Jacob, of course, was thrilled about being in his final year. He had decided to drop all other sports to focus solely on football, really hoping to earn a scholarship.

Charlotte had decided to try out for the cheerleading squad and with her dance background, I had no doubt she would make the team. Immediately, I was worried about Char being around all the football players and then I saw Jacob's face.

"Great, now I have my work cut out for me. I'll have to captain the team and make sure none of the guys try to get with my little sister," he grumbled.

"Whatever, Jake. I'm not interested in any of your friends." Charlotte flicked her hair off her shoulder as she spoke.

"Uh huh, sure. Because you've never tried to go after one of my friends before."

Charlotte glared at her brother.

"Are you talking about Alec?" As I questioned, I saw confusion flicker across Char's face. Shit. I'd found out about Alec by way of not-so-politically-correct sleep talk probing.

"How do you know about Alec?" Charlotte asked, glancing between Jacob and I.

"Don't look at me!" Jake held his hands up innocently, which left me looking rather guilty. I shrugged my shoulders and Bella tried hard not to laugh.

"That's it! I want a lock on my door so you can't interrogate me while I'm sleeping. I'm pretty sure that's illegal." Charlotte folded her arms over her chest and I couldn't help but to laugh.

"Any information I learn while you are sleeping is not obtained under duress. Besides, it's not my fault you like to talk in your sleep. You can thank your mother for that."

"Great, I get the talking gene from mom and the hair from you. Awesome. Thanks a lot you two."

"Don't forget you also got my sparkling personality." I teased. I had to agree, she kind of got the bum wrap on all accounts.

We were still outside at ten when Adam and Leah came back home from their date. Despite the rough start to the day, it ended on a high note as we all stayed up late, talking and laughing.

As I sat there, I realized that my family of five was now six. Adam fit in, as much as I didn't want to admit it. Leah was as smitten with him as he was with her. When we were only a few years older than them, Bella and I were married. Something told me her and Adam would be married before I knew it. He'd better ask my permission, punk. I realized I needed to stop lording over Leah and treat her more like the adult she had become. Poor Jacob and Charlotte. Me letting up on Leah meant they were about to pick up the slack.

**I wish my hubby would buy me $47 worth of M&Ms, damn it!**

**Hope you liked Adam and Edward's little chit chat. Fun times!**

**Next up: Charlotte turns sixteen and Edward plans a date day for the two of them. I hope you will stick around to read! Maybe a teaser if you review? Hhhmmmmm**

**xoxox**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello again! Sorry for the delay with this chapter. I hope you think it was worth the wait! Thank you to Lolo for her pre-reading skills! And most importantly, thank YOU for reading! **

**Chapter 14**

On October 10th, my baby turned sixteen. Honestly, I have no idea how that even happened. It felt like her transformation from infant to teen happened over-night. People always tell you time flies once you have kids, they aren't kidding— it's like warp speed ahead. When did I get old enough to have my youngest child be of age to drive a car? And speaking of which, I was not going to be the one to teach her how to operate a vehicle. Been there, done that, twice before; had whip lash and grey hairs to prove it.

The bitchiness that had materialized when Charlotte turned fourteen, had tamed down a bit. It felt like her hormones had leveled off, or something, because she was easier to live with. I make it sound like she was horrible to be around and, well, she kind of was for a while. Don't get me wrong, she still had her moments of being stubborn, sassy and slightly rebellious, but hell, so did I.

Even without the trouble of raging hormones, sixteen is such a hard, confusing age. You desperately want to fit in with your peers, but you're trying to find and define yourself as an individual at the same time. Knowing you needed to start thinking about life and a career after high school but wanting to have fun and live in the moment.

Leah had learned to balance things well. She'd had her fun and, for the most part, stayed out of trouble. (Or maybe I just didn't know about the trouble? That was a scary thought!) She had gone with the flow, sometimes following, sometimes leading, but she had a goal in mind for after graduation and worked toward it.

Jacob was always the leader of the pack, even at a very young age. A lot of the time, he was the instigator too, but in his final year of school he was truly making an effort to lead by example. Jake always loved to tinker with cars and once he made up his mind about wanting to be a mechanic, there was no stopping him. He and Rachel were actually studying more than making out in the evenings, go figure, so I knew he was serious.

Charlotte was still confused, in who she was and what she wanted to be. She couldn't decide if she wanted to be vegan or vegetarian let alone a nurse or a veterinarian.

But today wasn't for figuring out any of that. Turning sixteen was a milestone and I wanted to make sure it was a memorable one. And what could be better than a date with me? Yes, I'm grinning a cheesy grin.

On both Leah and Jacob's sixteenth birthday, I planned a special day for each of them. Just the two of us, some one-on-one time with their old man. Breakfast at a local cafe, a day of activities, followed by a nice dinner out with the family at a restaurant of their choice.

As I waited downstairs with my coffee for Charlotte to finish getting ready, I thought back to Leah's sweet sixteen. I surprised her with a trip to Vancouver - Canada, eh - specifically to the aquarium in Stanley Park. I'd made arrangements (paid a lot of money) so that she could go behind the scenes. She was able to feed the otters, pet a beluga, and meet a three-week old dolphin and his mama. We stopped at the gift shop and Leah chose a few, highly over-priced, souvenirs before we headed home.

My day with Jacob started at the cemetery. First at the graves of Bruce and Brandon Lee in Seattle, and then we went to Renton to pay our respects to Jimi Hendrix. Lunch was steak and lobster, Jacob's choice. I guess it was fair since Leah's souvenirs were expensive but I was surprised by his choice. I thought a sixteen-year old boy would want greasy pizza and Coke. Not complaining, though, I was totally okay with the high price for a great meal.

After lunch, I took Jake to play paintball. If you haven't played before, be forewarned, getting shot really fucking hurts! I thought Jake and I were going to play co-operative but were pitted against each other. Normally, my sixteen year old, over-sized son was anything but quiet. He was heavy footed, big mouthed and generally obnoxious. Put a gun in his hand and make me the enemy, and he was a stealthy little fucker. We weren't playing sudden death so Jacob was able to shoot me time and time (and time) again.

Subconsciously, I rubbed one particular spot on my arm that was left with a fist-sized hematoma for weeks after the attack. Not that Charlotte would be into paint ball anyways —although I was sure she'd love the opportunity to shoot me a few times —but I had something totally different planned for her and I. Secretly, I was really looking forward to it.

"Birthday girl, are you ready?" I called up the stairs as I checked my watch. We had an hour and a half before our appointment. "If we want to go for breakfast we have to get a move on, sweetie."

"I'm ready, let's go!" Charlotte bounded down the stairs wearing a surprisingly age-appropriate outfit for a change. Wedge sandals, skinny jeans, and a tee shirt that—although was too tight by my standards—made me laugh. It had a cartoon bunny on the front with the words 'It's my birthday. Let's focus on me' written on it. So totally Charlotte. And I kind of wanted one for my next birthday, honestly.

"Nice shirt." I winked at her.

Charlotte smiled. "Thanks. Where are we going?"

I wagged my finger at her. "It's a surprise. Breakfast first. Shall we?" I offered her my arm, and she took it with a smile, as I led us outside. Like a true gentleman on a date, I opened her car door for her and she thanked me with a nod of her head. We chatted easily on the way to the restaurant.

"My friends think you're the coolest dad ever, you know."

"Oh really? Why's that?"

"Because you're letting me skip school to go on a date with you."

It was true, I had pulled her out of school for the day. Leah's sixteenth birthday had fallen on a Saturday, and Jacob's was in the summer so neither was an issue. I couldn't break tradition and yes, I knew it would give me some valuable brownie points with Char.

"Like you wouldn't have skipped a class or two today anyways." I winked at her and she shrugged.

"Probably. Like you never skipped out." She raised her eyebrows at me and I tried not to smirk.

"I may have skipped once or twice back in the day," I told her honestly. I certainly didn't tell her it was so that I could engage in sexy times with her mom.

"What were you like in school? Were you the jock, nerd, hottie, or the bad boy?"

"What do you think I was?" I was curious about her perception of me.

Charlotte looked at me intently, almost studying me. "Definitely not the jock. You probably wouldn't want to mess up your hair with a baseball hat or a football helmet." Charlotte laughed as I looked in the rearview mirror and checked my perfectly-chaotic-looked-like-I-hadn't-done-it-but-actually-spent-twenty-minutes-on-it hair. Some things hadn't changed.

"I can't see you as a nerd, even though you kind of have a nerdy job."

"Gee, thanks kiddo."

"Now, if you were anything like Jacob, you were the bad boy."

I shrugged my shoulders. Back in Chicago, I was definitely the bad boy, but Bella had tamed the beast. Charlotte was still staring at me and then she paid me the best compliment I'd heard in a while.

"Naaa, you don't have the bad boy vibe. I have a feeling you were the hottie, weren't you?"

"What?" I almost choked on my spit.

"I mean, you're old now, but you're not all wrinkled, grey-haired, and fat like some of my friend's fathers. You're actually kind of cute." I started smiling because she was actually flattering me. That was not usual behavior for a teenager.

"You're going to make me blush."

"Yeah, well don't let it go to your head." Charlotte tried to downplay her compliment but I still continued to grin.

I pulled into the parking lot of our favorite café and we continued our conversation in the restaurant.

"So, were you the hottie?" Charlotte lifted her teacup to her mouth and lightly blew on the hot liquid to cool it down somewhat before she took a sip.

I shrugged. "I transferred schools mid-year when I was fifteen and being the new kid meant I got a lot of attention. In part, because I was fresh meat to ogle, and partly because I wasn't ugly or funny looking. Trust me, it wasn't from my sparkling personality. I was kind of a jerk back then." I winked at my daughter.

"Just back then, huh?" Charlotte teased.

"Very funny. Who do you think you learned it from?" I stuck my tongue out at her and she laughed.

"Touché."

"Thankfully, your mom saw through my hard exterior and fell in love with me despite my façade."

"You and mom have been together forever, huh? Thank you." Charlotte politely thanked the waitress as she brought over our omelets.

"It feels like we've been together forever — the good kind of forever — that is." I took a bite of my toast and chewed thoughtfully. Truthfully, forever wasn't long enough to be with Bella, I would need her for eternity.

"How did you know you were in love?" Charlotte's question kind of came out of left field.

"Why? Are you in love with someone?" I quirked an eyebrow and Charlotte laughed.

"God, no! I was just asking. You know, wondering what it feels like since I've never experienced it before. Leah and Jake look pretty content all the time, not to mention you and mom. I want to know what it feels like to be so happy." She lifted one shoulder, almost shyly.

I was a romance novelist. Surely I could find the adjectives to describe how it felt to be in love to my daughter.

"Tough question. At first it feels like you have a spark inside you that flickers into a flame whenever you think of that special person."

Charlotte made a face, indicating she thought it was a lame response.

I went on to describe how that one person is always on your mind to the point where it's a little OCD. You can't look, or think about anything, without tying your love into the picture some how. It was like taking the first sip of coffee in the morning. Crawling under crisp sheets and laying your head on a fluffy pillow after a long, hard day. Like seeing a rainbow after a downpour. Holding kittens in the palm of your hands. Sweet, like puppy breath. Warm like hot chocolate after a day on the slopes. Being in love was—

"Uh, Dad. I think I got the picture." Char held up her hand; her face begged me to stop.

"Sorry, I got a little carried away. Loves does that to you. Listen, you know I love your mom, but I don't know if you will ever understand how much. She's my everything. I wouldn't be who I am without her loving and supporting me. Just as I love her, she loves me. If nothing else in life, I want you to know what it feels like to be completely, head-over-heels in love." I wasn't ashamed of being over-the-top mushy and sharing my feelings with my daughter. I was, however, a little embarrassed after the fact when I lost coolness points with Charlotte.

"Yeah, I changed my mind. You were definitely the nerdy guy in school."

My bubble burst, but I laughed it off. I knew that one day, a boy would steal my daughter's heart and she would remember our conversation and think 'that's what my dad was talking about.' Or maybe she'd just continue to think I was a freak.

After our breakfast, I paid our bill and went on to the second part of our day. The look on Charlotte's face when she realized she was having a spa day was priceless.

"You're taking me to the spa, really?" Her hazel eyes were sparkling, and on her face was a huge smile.

"Yes. You'll be getting a massage, followed by a deluxe manicure and pedicure," I told her proudly.

Charlotte let out the obligatory teenager scream and threw her arms around my neck. "Oh my God, thank you, Daddy!"

"Miss Cullen? I understand it's a very special day today – Happy Birthday! I'm Sara, I'll be taking care of you for the next few hours. If you're ready, you can follow me." Charlotte grinned and kissed my cheek as she thanked me again. She literally skipped after Sara. I couldn't help but to smile at how giddy she was.

"Mr. Cullen? Are you ready as well?" Still with a smile on my lips, I nodded as I followed the young woman back to a treatment room for my massage.

What? Did you think I was going to wait around the spa for four hours and do nothing? Heck, no.

I had concerns that I would be creeped out by a woman who wasn't my wife touching me. Or worse, that my body would respond to the caresses and strokes in a way that would probably get me kicked out with dirty looks and name calling. Thank God, neither was the case. The hot stones combined with the surprisingly strong hands that were kneading my tense muscles left me feeling completely relaxed. I felt so good after the massage, I found myself saying "yes" to a pedicure.

By no means am I a diva-dude and I will kick someone's ass that implies that I am less of a man because of my grooming practices. Saying that, I am all for man-scaping, although I'm a bit more cautious around my nipples after that one, unfortunate experience. I think all men should do basic hygiene rituals. Earwax cleaning. Nose and ear hair trimming. Toe nail clipping, but never in bed because that is downright disgusting. Don't forget eyebrow shaping because the uni-brow has never been hot. Thank God!

Personally, I think one-step further is appreciated by your wife/girlfriend/significant other. My chest hair gets trimmed regularly, as well as below the belt. I certainly don't go all Brazilian down there, just tidy things up a when it gets a little out of control. I'm not suggesting a guy wax it bare (weird!) Hell, I'm not even a fan of a Brazilian on a woman, to be honest. Bella did it once to surprise me (that it did!) but I kind of felt like a pedophile whenever we'd have sex so now she leaves a landing strip for me instead. (In case you were wondering.)

Also in my grooming repertoire, unbeknownst to Bella, I deep condition my hair once a month as well. For decades, my wife has been jealous of my soft locks and I can't reveal my secret now.

With all the man-scaping I do, I've never had a professional pedicure. We were only getting started when I had myself wondering why the hell I hadn't done it before! The accompanying foot and calf massage made it worth every penny. I felt a little self-conscious when she started filing off my calluses and she took so long I thought I was going to be an inch shorter. Okay, that's a gross exaggeration. My feet weren't that bad and in my defense, I was told she had worked on much worse. I made a note to tip well after she told me that.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the massage chair (hello, my second favorite part) as my toenails were buffed. I was so content that I was slightly embarrassed when a giggling Charlotte sat down in the chair next to me for her own pedicure.

"Not a word to anyone about this, Charlotte," I warned and she smirked at me.

"So, I should delete the photo I just uploaded to Facebook?" I hoped she was teasing but I threatened her, just in case.

"You can leave it up. I'll just post the video of you dancing around the house singing to Justin what's-his-face as retaliation."

Charlotte's face turned beat red. I playfully nudged her shoulder with mine.

"Have you ever seen the video from when I was in the high school play? It's way more embarrassing than yours." Being a parent was about give and take and I was about to take one for the team. If Emmett or Jasper ever found out, I would be publically emasculated. Carlisle had been sworn to secrecy, helped in part because I had photographic evidence of him dressed in drag that would be released if he ever ratted me out. Of course, Esme and Bella both knew but they were trust-worthy without blackmailing.

"You were in a school play? I never knew that." Charlotte leaned her head back and looked at me.

"Have you ever seen the movie Grease?" I asked, and Charlotte nodded. As we sat side-by-side and got our pedicures, I told her the story.

It was our senior year and Bella and I got the crazy idea in our heads to try out for the school play. Only Bella didn't land a part and I got the lead role of Danny Zuko. What can I say? I am a half decent actor and my singing voice is, well let's just say, it's far better than my wife's. I wasn't going to do the play without Bella, but she encouraged me and the drama teacher begged me to stay on.

After months of rehearsals, it was opening night. Bella stunned me when she all but pleaded with me to bail on the whole thing.

"I can't quit now, Bella. We're on in a few hours," I'd scoffed. We were alone in the gymnasium as I was practicing my lines. I was a bit of a perfectionist.

"Why not? You have an understudy or whatever he's called, let him do it." Bella folded her arms across her chest in protest. When that didn't work, she pulled out the pout complete with puppy-dog eyes and eyelash batting. "Please?"

"What's this about, baby?" I pulled her to me, folding her into a hug.

"I hate the last scene. Tanya's dressed all slutty in tight-ass leather pants, a skimpy top, and those red come-fuck me shoes. She friggin purrs when she sings that last stupid song, especially when she tells you to 'feel your way.' And does she really need to wrap her legs around you? Really?"

It was my first experience with Bella as the green-eyed monster. I thought she was cute going all possessive on my ass. The angry yet pouty look was really working for her.

"Bella. Bella. Bella." I kissed her neck in various spots as I spoke. "You're my girl. Tanya and I are just actors in a play. I guess if you're jealous, we're doing a good job." That didn't seam to help how Bella was feeling what so ever. I moved on to plan B which was to convince her that I was hopelessly devoted; that she was the one that I want.

I thought I was clever, working song titles into my story-telling, but my daughter stared at me blankly. Skipping ahead for Charlotte's innocent ears, I explained that Bella ended up being fine with me doing the play. She didn't need to know my 'convincing' was by way of a quickie back stage. The play went on and was a rousing success.

"So, what was so embarrassing?" Charlotte asked.

"I had to sing several songs that required me to thrust my hips at the same time. In rehearsal it was fine but once I had a real audience, I was pumped up. I guess I was a little too, uh, exuberant with the thrusting. I was teased by the male and female population of the school for the rest of the year."

Uh well-a, well-a, well-a, Uh!

Sadly, my daughter didn't want me to tell her any more. Sara, who was diligently painting Charlotte's toes, smiled at me as my daughter pretended to gag.

"Eewww. I just had a visual of that. Gross, Dad. I don't think I want to see that video. Is the video now hidden in yours and mom's porno collection?"

I wasn't sure if she was kidding or not – had she actually found our stash? I lifted one eyebrow. Sara quietly snorted and looked away. Charlotte stared at me with disgust.

"Dad! I was kidding. I'm all for bonding here, but can we talk about something else?"

"Absolutely. How's school?"

As we arrived home later that afternoon, I asked Charlotte to follow me to my office so I could give her something. Our family tradition had it that presents weren't exchanged until after dinner so not-so-patient Charlotte looked hopeful.

"A present?"

"Sort of. Have a seat." Charlotte looked nervous but sat down. I think she half expected another sex talk but I certainly wasn't going to put either one of us through that again. Grabbing the gift from my desk drawer, I handed it to her and settled myself beside her. Charlotte smiled as she accepted it and ripped away the paper excitedly. Confused, she looked up at me, holding the personalized book in her hands.

I smiled. "I work for a publishing company and asked for a favor." I explained with a shrug.

"You wrote this? For me?" As she asked, Charlotte traced the silver script on the outside of the royal blue, hardcover book with her index finger.

_**For my Charlotte,**_

_**If you take nothing else from this book, know that I love you.**_

_**Forever, always, endlessly, ceaselessly, incessantly, truly. **_

_**Dad**_

I nodded. "I remember being sixteen and honestly, it kind of sucked. Some of the thoughts here are things I wish I would have known myself when I was your age. I can't go back in time, but I can share my wisdom with you. Some is advice everyone needs to know in life, common sense stuff like always wear clean underwear. Some is silly, like don't pick your favorite sports teams by the color of their uniforms. Leah and Jacob were given similar books on their birthday, too."

"You wrote this? This is your book?" Char raised an eyebrow.

"Well, yes and no. I mean, most of the thoughts are mine, but there are some famous quotes in there too. It's not a novel so you don't have to read it cover to cover, you can pick it up and read snippets here and there."

Charlotte was still looking at me with an expression I couldn't decipher. Leah had loved the book, but she was my sentimental child. Jake had accepted it with raised eyebrows and a gruff "Thanks, Dad." But Charlotte was my opinionate child; she probably thought it was stupid. Embarrassed, I started stammering.

"It's nothing too deep, or anything, and I don't expect you to sit down and read it right now. You don't have to read it at all if—"

"Dad, stop. I think this is super cool." Charlotte smiled at me, with a faint hint of tears in her eyes.

"Really?" I wrinkled my forehead.

Charlotte nodded, and answered with a quiet voice. "Yes, really."

I put my arm around her and kissed her temple. Charlotte leaned her head on my shoulder as we sat together.

"Thank you. Not just for the book," Charlotte hugged it to her chest, "but for the whole day. It was pretty awesome to have time with you. Hands down, the best day I've ever had."

And right there, was her gift to me and I felt myself getting choked up by her comment. Blinking away my tears, I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Just think, when I'm dead, you have something to remember me by," I joked and Charlotte laughed.

A little while later, Charlotte went up to her room, still clutching her book tightly.

In the days and weeks after, Bella and I noticed a change in our daughter. The same had happened when a moody Jacob had read his book. It was like they could finally grasp that although it may have felt like I didn't understand what they were going through, I truly did. I had lived through being a scared, confused, and conflicted teen. Not only did I understand, I could relate and maybe my advice wasn't totally asinine.

A few weeks later, I was tucking in a sleeping Charlotte. Her bedside lamp was on, my book on her chest as she'd fallen asleep while reading. I picked up the book and smiled when I saw many of the pages were dog-eared, just the way a book was supposed to be. That was the main reason why I hadn't invested in a Nook or a Kindle yet. Besides loving the feeling and the smell of a book in my hands, I also loved to turn down pages of things that were of special interest to me.

I lifted the book off Charlotte's chest and looked at the pages she had been reading. She had taken a pink highlighter and marked quotes that apparently had significance to her. I sat down on the floor beside her bed and thumbed through the book, looking at what she'd highlighted. My smile grew when I saw she'd highlighted almost every one.

_- Life isn't fair – get used to it._

_- Never date a man who won't offer you his jacket if you're cold._

_- If you think your mom and I are tough, wait until you get a boss._

_- Don't worry about being popular. The "weird" kids are much more fun and will end up being your most interesting friends. Also, when it comes to friends, you can't trump quality with quantity. Choose wisely. Who would you call to drive your white Bronco? (go Google OJ Simpson if you have no idea what I'm talking about)_

_- Never cheat. Not on exams, taxes, crossword puzzle, or your spouse._

_- When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you._

_- You are free to choose but you are not free from the consequence of your choice._

_- Everyone comes from a dysfunctional family. Deal with it._

_- Pretty ain't enough. Study hard._

_- Always look for toilet paper before you close the door in a public rest room__._

_- Make up is like jewelry. You don't need it every day. Some days you need a little. Some days you need a lot. But… you never ever need it to be beautiful._

_- Embrace the hair._

_-The book is always better than the movie. Always._

_- Never go on a date without enough cash to get home by yourself if you need to._

_- You can become whatever you want in life and I will be happy as long as long as you can honestly tell me that what you are doing makes YOU happy._

_- We will always love you, but there may be times where we don't like you._

_- Beer before liquor, never been sicker._

_- Don't call him back if he doesn't pay for the first date._

_- Boys want to have sex with you. Actually, most of them want to have sex. With you or with someone will say anything to get what they want. They will put you up on a pedestal to look up your skirt._

_- When all else fails remember this: I love you unconditionally._

Oh how my heart soared when I saw that Charlotte had highlighted and underlined that last statement. I put the book down and kissed my baby girl, pressing my lips to her forehead, whispering that I loved her. I stayed for a long while in her room that night, not interrogating her, rather just enjoying her. I rubbed her back and combed my fingers through her hair, a smile on my lips.

Some time later, the sound of Bella clearing her throat came from the doorway.

"How long have you been watching me?" I asked as set the book down then left Charlotte's side to go to my wife.

"Long enough." Bella returned my smile. She held out her hand and I took it. "I love how much you love our children, you know that?"

I nodded. "They're easy to love, they're a part of you."

"And you." Bella reminded me. "Come on, let's head up to bed, my love."

I turned off the light and went to bed, feeling very content with my life. I was so blessed.

...

**Ever had one of those nights with your kids? It's usually after a really trying day where your patience has run thin and the kids were the devil's spawn. And then you go to tuck them in and they look so sweet and innocent. The anger and frustration you felt during the day melts away and you feel compelled to sit with them and soak up the love. *sigh* Had a night like that just last night with my six year old. Love, love, love.**

**Thanks for being along for the date, I hope you enjoyed it. You know I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter. And let me know if you want more of Edward's advice, I'll inbox it to you.**

**Up next, Edward gets a cold. But it's so much worse than that. He has the dreaded MAN COLD! Stay tuned!**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**LOLO84 - thank you so much for your pre-reading skills. You rock!**

**I have to say, I love receiving your kind reviews and chatting back and forth with you all. It's great to hear from you. Many of you said you loved sweet Edward in the last chapter. Let's see if you still love him when he's sick.**

**Chapter 15**

A scratchy throat had woken me up in the middle of the night and by morning I had a fever and body aches. Awesome. I vaguely remembered Bella leaving for work through the foggy haze of my pounding headache. All I could muster was a grunt and a groan as she left me to fend for myself. No, I didn't expect her to stay home from work to take care of me but damn, it would have been nice.

Throughout the day, I had gotten progressively worse. Dragging myself from our third floor bedroom down to the living room exhausted me. I flopped down on the couch and drifted in and out of consciousness. My body hurt, from my toes to my eyelids. Seriously, even my (gray) hair follicles ached. There was no way the pain I was feeling was normal. I wasn't being over-dramatic; I knew I wasn't on my death bed. I did, however, have concerns that it was more than just a common cold.

I shuffled to my office to retrieve my laptop and got winded on the way back. Laid out on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, I researched by way of your friend and mine, Google. When I put my symptoms into several search sites, one diagnosis popped up repeatedly. It wasn't horrible news, but it certainly wasn't what I wanted to hear.

Looking at the clock, I realized I only had half an hour before Bella would be coming home. There's really no easy way to tell someone you love bad news — you certainly can't just blurt it out without a second thought. There's kind of a protocol to follow, as I discovered with another Google Search. Raise your hand if you love Google?

When you tell bad news, first one needs to make eye contact, perhaps reach out and hold the other person's hand as you speak. You have to be gentle, but come to the point quickly. You can't spend a lot of time beating around the bush, rambling, or making small talk. This will make things much more uncomfortable for the person who is on the receiving end of said bad news. I tend to ramble so this was going to be a hard one for me. I don't ramble all the time, just some of the time, okay most of the time but I was sure I could reign myself because I was going to be discussing something that was fairly important. Shit, I do ramble a lot.

Bad news comes with very strong emotions - yelling, crying, or by acting out in anger. No matter what, you have to remain calm yourself. Use parroting 'I can understand you may be scared right now' to validate how they are feeling. Realize that the recipient may remain silent, letting the news sink in. If they do that, it's helpful to place your arm around their shoulders and simply sit with them in a display of sympathetic solidarity.

When I heard Bella arrive home from work, I felt somewhat prepared for what I had to do. I turned off my lap top and set it on the coffee table. Normally, that would be when I'd commence operation look extremely ill so Nurse Bella would take care of me but I was legit sick, Google said so no acting required. Well, maybe a little.

"Hey, baby." Bella greeted me as she walked into the living room. She came over to where I was and kissed my head. "How are you feeling?"

I frowned. "I'm okay, you know."

"You didn't get dressed at all today?" She raised one eyebrow as she surveyed my sweat pants, crumpled Mariners shirt, and bed-head hair. If you must know, I was so sick, I only spent five minutes on making it look slightly quaffed.

I gave Bella a weak smile, hoping it was an indication to her that I had bad news to share. She was oblivious — cute, in her work attire, but oblivious, none-the-less.

"You kind of stink, too. God, you remind me of Jake right now," she teased, wrinkling her nose.

"Bella, have a seat, there's something I need to talk to you about." I patted the couch and Bella apprehensively sat on my left side, a quizzical look on her face. I took her hands in mine, and took a deep breath.

"First of all, I want you to know I love you very much."

"I love you, too."

_Edward, don't prolong it._

"I don't know for sure, but as far as I can tell, it doesn't look good."

"What doesn't look good? Oh shit, did you turn the whites pink again? What?"

I shook my head. "Bella, love, I think I may have Lyme disease."

Good job! I didn't prolong telling her and I didn't ramble.

Silence.

Obviously, she was processing the information. I continued explaining.

"I know you may be scared right now but I'm going to be just fine."

Validate her feelings – check.

"Remember when Jacob and I went camping the last week of summer and I came home with that weird bite mark? I'm pretty sure that was a tick bite. The symptoms can take months to materialize."

Bella was taking it much better than I thought. She probably didn't know much about Lyme disease. I admit, I hadn't before Web MD helped me out.

"The good news is it's not transferrable so you and the kids are fine. I booked myself in with the doctor tomorrow but I suspect I'll be put on a course of antibiotics. There really aren't long term effects to me. Possibly some neurological issues but I'm sure I'm fine."

Bella almost looked like she was fighting a smile. One of the websites I'd visited said people react to bad news in strange ways. Poor thing, she was probably feeling over-whelmed and not sure how to react. I tried to give her a reassuring smile while still looking sick. Because I was sick, duh.

"What exactly are the symptoms of Lyme disease?" Bella asked quietly.

"The first sign is a rash around the bite. Then there's fatigue, chills, fever, headaches, and muscle and joint soreness." I hadn't needed to memorize the symptoms since I was feeling them all.

Bella started laughing. Not a quiet, 'ha ha' but a loud, obnoxious laugh. Honestly, I thought it was quite rude. For all she knew, I could be seriously ill.

"I'm sorry, Edward." Bella's apology needed some work.

"Yeah, you sound real sorry." I folded my arms across my chest.

"You do know that 'bite' was from a mosquito, right?" She had the audacity to use air quotes around the word bite.

"And what about the fatigue, chills, fever, headaches, muscle and joint soreness, huh? According to Google — a very reliable source I'll have you know — I most likely have Lyme disease."

"You have something all right. It's called a cold, Edward. The same one I had last week."

Okay, yes, Bella had a cold but she'd still been able to do the laundry, make dinner, and do other stuff around the house. Obviously, I was way sicker than she was, I could barely move off the couch.

"I don't think so. This is much worse."

"No, you're right, it's much worse. It's a man cold."

I think I know who Charlotte learned the eye roll technique from.

"Define this 'man cold." I demanded.

"Well, this particular strain of the flu is found exclusively upon the Y chromosome. It caused extreme lethargy, and can be debilitating."

Sounds about right, I thought to myself. Ha, I was sick.

"Medical rehabilitation is required in the form of mindless TV, preferably in the form of daytime soaps, and cups of tea, brought to them constantly by a nearby female." Bella raised an eyebrow at me.

I'm fairly certain I was being mocked. And how exactly did she know I spent the day with Victor Newman? It was a great show too, Victor and Sharon had some sexy times.

"Very funny. I'm still pretty sure I'm more ill than you were. And if I die from this, I want my tombstone to say 'I told you I was sick'."

Bella shook her head at me and called me a drama king. Perhaps it wasn't the best time to mention going over our will?

"I was burning up this morning, my fever was almost at one hundred point one." My voice may have had a slight twang of a whine to it.

Bella placed the back of her hand against my cheek and I leaned into it and gave her my best attempt at looking pathetic.

"Normal temp is ninety-eight point six, babe. I'd say you're still pretty close to normal. Well, as normal as Edward Cullen can be."

"I did take some Tylenol," I explained. "It is quite possible I may have Lyme disease."

"Remember when you thought you had a brain tumor?" My wife gave me an all-knowing smirk; I groaned.

Emmett and his bright ideas. That particular one involved a shit load of tequila on a Wednesday night during final exams our last year of college. You'd think by fourth year we would have known better. Yeah, no. A pounding in my head woke me up the next morning. I swear to God, it was the worst headache in the history of the entire world. There wasn't that much liquor consumed to justify the constant throbbing; I was sure something was seriously wrong with me.

Thank God, for my brother. Knowing he was interning at a local hospital, I took a cab there, too sick to drive myself. Carlisle saw me right away, but after hearing about the drinking the night before, he refused to do a CT scan, administering a blood test instead.

"Edward, your blood alcohol level is still elevated almost eight hours after you stopped drinking. You aren't going to die. You, my friend, simply have a hang over." He chuckled as he looked at my results.

"It's not funny, Carlisle. I have an exam in two hours. There is no way I can write it in my condition. You have to help me out." I was wearing the darkest sunglasses I could find and the lights were off in the exam room and yet it was still too fucking bright.

"I don't think a note that says 'Please excuse my brother from his exam today because he was a dumb ass last night' is going to cut it."

"Come on, be creative. Please, I'm your brother, your baby brother."

"It's gonna cost ya." Carlisle held out his hand expectantly.

Rat bastard. I had come prepared, though, and pulled out my cash.

Carlisle scrawled me a medical note that excused me from missing the exam citing 'acute cephalgia'. In layman's terms, it meant I had a headache, which I did – a really bad, fucking headache. That little piece of paper had cost me four hundred bucks. Asshole!

After I left the hospital, I dragged myself to campus. I gave the official doctor's note to my prof, looking like hell warmed over and was sent home with a date for a make-up exam. Yes, the professor was female and I may or may not have flirted just a little, even in my sickly state.

"That was different, Bella, I really am sick right now." I tried my best attempt at puppy dog eyes, hoping to drum up some sympathy. Apparently, green-eyes don't have the same pull as big, brown, puppy dog ones and Bella had no sympathetic response.

"I'll prove it to you." Bella watched as I put my hand on her knee, and slid it under the hem of her skirt, my thumb rubbing back and forth. "I'll have you know, I'm so sick right now, I don't even want to have sex with you."

Well, maybe there was a small inkling…

"Wow, you must be on your death bed," Bella teased.

My hand drifted higher, and I enjoyed the silky smoothness of her inner thigh. I brushed my lips against the corner of her mouth, trailing kisses over to her ear. When I nibbled on her lobe, Bella shied away from me.

"I thought you were sick?" Her tone was sarcastic but I knew it would only take a little bit of effort on my part to get what I was suddenly desiring.

"I was. I am." Insert fake cough. "I thought making love would be the best medicine."

"Laughter's the best medicine," Bella corrected me.

I playfully tickled the sensitive spot just below her ribs, causing her to squeal. I loved many things about Bella, but her laughter was one of my favorite things.

"You're right," I whispered, my lips at her ear. "I'm starting to feel better already."

My hand was all the way under her skirt, drawn in by the warmth like a homing device. My other hand softly cupped her breast as my lips converged on hers. Before our tongues could meet, Bella pulled away.

"I don't want your germs, Cullen."

I smirked at her. She knew I loved her calling me that. It meant feisty Bella was coming out to play.

"So, no mouth-to-mouth action, huh? No problem." Both my hands found their way under her skirt, tugging at her panties.

"The kids?" It was her weak attempt to halt things. Her actions contradicted her words as she lifted her ass off the couch and willing let me confiscate her underwear.

"Leah's class runs late."

I kissed the top of her bare foot, admiring the silver toe ring. So, so sexy. Damn.

"Jake is at football practice for at least another hour."

And I only needed fifteen minutes.

My lips pressed kisses from calf to thigh. I stopped and looked up at her.

"And Charlotte's at cheer."

I quirked her an eyebrow as I pushed her skirt up, revealing her nakedness. Protests forgotten, Bella rested her right foot on my shoulder, her fingers knotted in my bed-head hair. As she leaned back against the sofa, I brought my mouth to her, my tongue gently circling her clit.

Odd, I didn't hear any complaining from her about my germy mouth then.

After I satisfied her, like no other man ever had, I sat down on the couch and pulled her on top of me. Bella rode me and rode me hard. I must have gotten my second wind because at the last minute, I switched things up. Laying Bella down on the couch, I pounded into her until I was lost in oblivion. Afterwards, we snuggled on the couch. Bella's shirt was open, my head resting on her chest, her fingers knotted in my hair.

"You're right, Edward. You must be sick - you're all hot and sweaty."

"I told you!" I looked up at her and realized Bella was teasing me again. I retaliated by tickling her to the point where she was begging me to stop. God, I loved her begging. I preferred her pleading me not to stop but I wasn't picky.

Leah completely surprised us when she walked into the living room, interrupting our tickling game. We were caught with our clothes still askew, limbs tangled and matching just-got-laid-in-the-middle-of-the-day grins on our faces.

Instead of freaking out, Leah surveyed us with a grin as Bella tried to re-button her blouse. My wife glared at me when she realized a couple of the buttons were missing. I shrugged unapologetically, vaguely remembering popping a button or two in the heat of the moment.

"You ass, you wrecked my shirt," Bella chastised quietly.

Ass? I thought the popping of buttons ranked up there with ripping of panties. That was hot, wasn't it? My readers ate that shit up.

"You're home early." Bella held her blouse closed with one hand as she addressed our daughter as nonchalantly as possible.

"I'm always home early on Friday's. Thursday's my late day," Leah explained. Bella looked at me.

"I'm so sick I didn't even know what day it was," I said in an over-acted raspy voice.

"Not to sick to give mom a hickey. Nice one, Dad." Leah jerked her chin at Bella who's hand flew to her neck in embarrassment. Our daughter laughed and told us she was going to her room. As soon as she was gone, Bella smacked my arm.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"You gave me a hickey?" Bella got up and walked over to the mirror to have a look for herself. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen!"

From the sound of her voice, I hadn't lost my touch. I had, however, lost my ability to put them in places that weren't highly visible.

I stood up, fastened my pants properly and walked over to where Bella was standing. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I rested my chin on her shoulder. My eyes fell upon the rather large – inch and a half in diameter – dark red hickey on her neck.

Funny how I had no recollection of putting it there, like I was instinctively marking Bella as mine. I have to tell you, it was kind of sexy, in a primal sort of way. Our eyes met in the mirror.

"I'm sorry?" My voice raised into a question instead of a statement.

"No, you're not."

"You're right, I'm not." I smirked and she shook her head at me. "We both had slip ups today."

"What are you talking about?"

"You just called me by my full name." I scolded. We were very careful about never using my third name, especially at home. The kids didn't even know I had two middle names but they would if Bella kept that up.

"Oh, shit. You're right. You don't think Leah heard do you?" Bella looked around.

"I'm pretty sure Leah has barricaded herself in her room, far away from her procreating parents." I laughed as I began kissing her neck again.

We were interrupted a second time by Jacob walking into the living room.

"Mom! I'm sick!"

And just like that, I was left kissing air, flabbergasted that Bella up and left me for him. All the sweetness I was hoping to get was bestowed upon my son. Bella put one arm around Jake's waist, and one hand on his forehead.

"Aww, baby, what's wrong?" Her hand on his head was replaced by her lips as she kissed him.

"I'm hot, I'm cold, and my entire body hurts. Coach sent me home from practice early." As Jacob made his voice as pathetic as possible, I glared at him for stealing the attention.

"It's just a cold, boy, you're fine."

Bella ignored me. "You're burning up, sweetie. Why don't you go up to your room and I'll be there in a few minutes with some water and Tylenol. Would you like some of my chicken noodle soup for dinner?"

"I would," I said longingly to no one in particular.

Jacob nodded. "That'd be nice, mom, thank you." He picked up his book bag and started for his room.

"I'll be right up." Bella called after him then turned to me. "That's what a real sick person looks like, Edward."

"Whatever. He's so playing you. 'My entire body hurts.'" I mimicked Jacob's whining voice "Exaggerate much?"

"Says Mr. I-Have-Lyme-Disease." Bella kissed me chastely on the lips before she went to help Jacob. I followed because I had nothing better to do than learn some acting tips from my kid. Bella grabbed a sweater from the hook by the front door to cover her torn blouse before she went to the kitchen for water and medication. Together we walked up to Jacob's room.

I leaned against the doorway of his room as Bella fawned over him. She fluffed his pillows and pulled the covers up around him. When Bella wasn't looking, I swear to God, Jacob smirked at me. I had to give him kudos, though, he played the part of a sick man well. Bella put the thermometer in his mouth and brushed the shaggy hair out of his eyes.

"You and your dad both need haircuts," Bella noted. Jacob merely nodded as he closed his eyes, obviously enjoying the feeling of her hands in his hair as she mothered him. Nurse Bella removed the thermometer and officially declared him sick.

"You definitely have a fever. Here take these and wash it down with some water. Try and get some rest while I make the soup." Bella handed Jacob the pills and the glass of water. Jacob took them like a champ unlike when he was a kid and we had to hide medication in pudding or ice cream.

"Thanks, mom," he mumbled pathetically. Bella kissed his forehead before she made her way back to the kitchen. As she walked passed me, she trailed her fingers along my arm and gave me a smile. With her seemingly innocent touch, that woman made me weak in the knees. Or perhaps I really was sick.

I walked over and sat on Jake's bed, putting my hand on his forehead as I did. The kid was burning up and I frowned at him. Of course, he had to have a fever to be sicker than me.

"I'm sick, too, you know." I told my son.

"You are? You look fine to me."

"Yeah, I was burning up earlier."

"Huh. Glad you're feeling better. Nice work, by the way."

I raised one eyebrow in question.

"The hickey. Nice one. Rachel would kill me if I did that to her." For a sick guy, he could sure grin.

"Hickey? Pffff, your mom burnt herself with her flat iron."

"Sure she did. That's a big one."

I couldn't let that comment go without saying something, inappropriate as it was. "That's what she said."

"Excuse me?" Jake asked, his voice raised.

I waved my hand to dismiss the comment but couldn't hide behind the grin that I wore. The way Jacob was smiling, he knew exactly what I said.

"Hey, Dad? Can I, uh, talk to you about something?" His tone was serious, his face flushed pink and not from fever.

"Of course, Bud, anything, you know that."

"Well, some guys were talking in the locker room before practice today." Jake paused, the tips of his ears were turning pinker. "They were joking about, you know, spanking the monkey. And a few of the guys said they never do it and—"

"They're lying," I interrupted.

"You think?"

"I know. I was your age once, I remember how it was." I leaned toward him and lowered my voice. "I knew a guy who sometimes did it three times a day."

Jake looked relieved. Okay, bad choice of word but you know what I mean.

"I know a guy who does it that much, too. Is that normal? I mean, it won't wear out or anything, will it?" I bit my cheek so I wouldn't laugh at the worried expression on his face.

"Nope, can't wear out a penis. They take a beating and … heh heh, you get the point."

Jacob nodded and fell silent for a few minutes. I wanted to make sure he knew it was all normal. Hormones at his age were the devil.

"You can rest assured that all your friends are all doing it, too, Jake. Every last one."

Jacob snorted. "Not the girls."

I quirked him an eyebrow. "I don't think they do it as much as us guys but they masturbate, too. Girls just don't talk about it like guys do."

"Huh."

I wasn't about to go into the specifics of it all. Some things you need to have the pleasure of discovering with your partner. My mind started to wander and I had to reel myself back in.

"Just so you know, even if you're getting sex regularly, it's still a part of life." I hoped that would reassure him.

"Are you speaking from first hand experience?" Jake smirked at his joke and I nodded.

"I am. I choked the chicken in the shower just last night."

The face my son made told me there was a clear line between truth and too much information.

"Okay, then…uh… thanks?"

Awesome, my kid thought I was a jerk-off. Pun totally intended.

"Listen, Jacob, I just wanted you to know you aren't alone. And there's nothing wrong with what you are doing, either. It's completely natural and yeah, it's fun."

"What's fun?" Charlotte poked her head into the room.

"Nothin'," Jake mumbled, his face beat red.

"You sick?"

"Yeah."

"That sucks. Stay away from me then." Charlotte turned and went to her room, leaving us alone again. Jacob picked at imaginary lint on his blanket.

"Thanks, Dad," he mumbled.

"No problem. I'm sorry if knowing about me last night made you embarrassed. But I'll always be honest if you ask me a question."

Jacob nodded. "Maybe next time, be less specific."

"I think can do that." I chuckled. "I'll check on you later, son." Ruffling Jake's hair, I told him to get some rest.

I made my way down to the kitchen to see if I could wrangle myself some of that chicken noodle soup. I was still sick, after all.

Cough, cough.

**Do you still love Edward when he's sick and dramatic? Isn't that the way it is when hubby gets sick - he's waaaay sicker than you were only a day before. Someone please tell me I'm not alone?**

**Question re: Updates: right now I update whenever I get a chapter back from my pre-reader. Would you prefer a set day or just be surprised?**

**Next up - Rosalie has the baby. Time in FF sure goes by fast, huh? My pregnancies didn't go by that fast LOL. Edward's present for the birth should be fun. One of my favorite lines from the next chapter rewarded if you review. Yes, I'm soliciting some love, I'm a whore. You still love me, right?**


	16. Chapter 16

**First off all: thank you all for taking the time to review the last chapter! I loved hearing from each and everyone one of you. Sadly, I discovered that we've all had to play nurse to someone with the man-cold. **

**Hey Lolo - thanks for pre-reading - you're the best xo**

**This chapter is a little longer (hope you don't mind!) Rosalie is about to have her baby! Please enjoy!**

**Chapter 16**

A few weeks before baby McCarty was due, Emmett, Rosalie, Paul, and Megan were over for dinner. After the meal, Leah had to study and Paul and Jacob went to play X-box, while the rest of us hung out in the living room. Charlotte had really taken a liking to Rosalie's baby bump – which, truthfully, was more like a basketball.

"When are you due?" Charlotte asked.

"November 30th. Still three plus weeks to go." Rosalie informed her.

"Wow. You're big, huh?" Char made a face and Rose and Bella laughed.

"She's actually smaller than I was when I was pregnant. You should have seen how huge I was with Jake." Bella laughed at the memory.

"You were rather large." I winked at her. We both know she was massive. She gained at least sixty-five pounds with the boy, but it was all belly and swollen feet, the summer heat didn't help matters. She certainly was barefoot and pregnant since she couldn't find shoes to fit her.

"Did you want to feel the baby kick, Charlotte?" Rosalie offered and Char looked at her nervously. "It's okay. Put your hand right here."

Charlotte cautiously put her hand high on Rose's stomach and waited. When the baby kicked, Char pulled her hand away like it had been burned, her eyes wide.

"Woah! That's crazy! Can I feel it again?" We all laughed and Rosalie placed Charlotte's hand on her stomach in a different spot. Charlotte's face lit up as the baby started kicking again.

"I'll be in your room, Char." Megan rolled her eyes, still not on board with the whole my-old-mom-is-having-another-baby thing. Charlotte didn't acknowledge Megan leaving— she was too engrossed in the kicks.

"Doesn't it make you feel weird? Like you have an alien inside you or something?"

"Actually, I love it. Sometimes the baby kicks a vital organ and that doesn't feel very good, but for the most part, it's pretty cool," Rosalie explained.

"I loved it too. We thought you were going to be a soccer star you kicked so much. Remember, Edward?"

How could I forget? Charlotte was more violent in her kicks than even Jacob had been. Every time I brought my head to her abdomen and said hello - in the weirdest voice you can imagine - Charlotte would stick her foot out. In bed, Bella would snuggle up to me in the middle of the night, her belly against my lower back. When she was seven or so months pregnant, the kicks were soft, fluttery ones I'd barely noticed. By the end of the pregnancy, the strong kicks were waking me up several times a night. How Bella didn't wake up from that, I'll never know.

"Do you know what you're having?" Charlotte wondered and Emmett shook his head.

"Nope. We didn't find out with any of the kids so we're going to let it be a surprise this time as well. I think it's a boy, though," Emmett said proudly.

"And I think it's a girl," Rosalie smiled at Em as she rubbed her belly.

"Did you find out with any of us, mom?"

"We found out at the twenty-week ultrasound with all of you. Your dad is a little too Type A not to know."

Guilty, as charged. I was a planner and hated surprises, unless I was the one doing the surprising. We had kept the names a secret from everyone until after the birth, though - mostly because every one has an opinion on names. So and so hated this name, someone thought that name was associated with a psychopath; X name was too popular, etcetera.

"Do you have names picked out?" Charlotte was still rubbing the Buddha belly as she asked.

"Not yet."

Emmett interrupted. "Yes, we do." By his grin, I could tell Rosalie wasn't on board with his suggestions. I knew that look - Bella had given it to me when I wanted to name Leah 'Wally' if she was a boy.

"This I have to hear," I encouraged Emmett, much to Rosalie's dismay.

"Emmett Junior for a boy. E.J. for short. And Emm-ette if we have a girl."

I snorted. I couldn't help it, that shit was funny. Emmett glared at me. Apparently, he was being serious. Good Lord.

"Not going to happen, Mr. Narcissist. Besides, after I have the baby, we all know you'll let me name it whatever I want." Rose playfully winked at him and Emmett cheeks went slightly pink.

Although we never talked about it, I assumed by the look they shared that Emmett had dissolved into a sobbing wreck in the delivery room. Rosalie would be given naming rights simply because Em wouldn't be capable of forming a coherent sentence.

I wasn't about to make fun of him for it, though, I was a blubbering mess after my kids were born. There are things that happen in the delivery room that people don't tell you about and there are things that husbands and wives never discuss again. The uncontrollable sobs from the husband and certain bodily functions during delivery included.

It also isn't necessary to advertise the fact that I fainted as Leah was crowning. And Jacob. And Charlotte. Yes, I fainted at each birth – go me. Smelling salts woke me up just in time to watch all three of my children come into the world. Worth the bumps on my noggin, that's for sure.

Also, not to be repeated, were the foul words Bella uttered and cursed during transition, the dilation of the last few centimeters to a full ten. I was called every colorful name under the sun and threatened within an inch of my life. My personal favorite was "Mother-fucking-asshole-with-demon–sperm-who-knocked-me-up, I am never having sex with you again. When he faints, Dr. Hunter, I want you to chop his God damn balls off!"

Really though, all the Lamaze, birthing classes, pregnancy books, and stories shared between friends can only teach you so much. Emmett had warned me that newborns weren't exactly cute fresh out of the oven. I expected Bella's swearing (and truthfully, it was kind of hot.)

But I certainly wasn't prepared for how emotional the whole event would be. To watch your wife turn into a warrior; to see her fight through the pain and give birth to new life is fucking amazing. I was so proud of Bella and I thought my heart would explode with adoration.

It's extremely emotional to watch your child being born. To see them take their first breath of life is indescribable. A baby is the culmination of the love between you and your wife manifested into this tiny, perfect little human. It's so surreal. Thinking about it still brings tears to my eyes.

Going into Charlotte's birth, I was cocky thinking I would fair better than after Leah and Jacob's arrival. I was wrong, completely overwhelmed by her arrival and sobbed the most with her and not because she was my last baby.

You see, before Charlotte was conceived, Bella suffered a miscarriage when she was three months pregnant. Life with two little kids – one being over-zealous Jacob - was already taxing on our marriage, but the miscarriage had definitely made us drift apart. And I hated it. I felt helpless, not knowing how to support Bella and inserted my foot into my mouth time and time again. She was obviously hurt by my lack of sympathy, empathy, whatever. It was a very trying time in our relationship but it served to strengthen us as a couple in the long run.

Having been through several miscarriages, I turned to my brother for advice. I confided in him about feeling useless and saying all the wrong things. Three weeks before Christmas, while Esme and Bella had a visit, Carlisle and I took the kids to an indoor play area. I was hoping to tire them out but really, I needed someone to talk to and I thought, who better than my big brother.

"I feel like I can't say anything right," I grumbled. "I thought Bella would feel better knowing that maybe there was something wrong with the baby and that's why she miscarried. I told her we can try again and she glared at me so I told her that I was perfectly content with the two we have. She didn't like that either. It's been three months, I thought she'd be over it by now." I scrubbed my hand over my face.

"Have you told her that you're sorry?"

"What?" I looked at him perplexed.

"She lost a baby, Edward. As soon as that pregnancy test comes up positive, the baby is real for them. From that moment on, she has given her heart to another. It's different for us. We need to see the belly growing, feel the pushes and kicks before it becomes real. Bella's heart-broken for what she lost and probably feels like it's her fault."

Was it really that easy? Did I just have to say I was sorry for her loss? Our loss? My wise brother seemed to think so and I knew better than to question him.

Before we went to my house that afternoon, I made one stop on the way home. Walking into the house, Esme and Bella were sitting together on the couch. Bella had her legs tucked under her, a cup of tea in her hands, her face tear-stained. She looked like shit, kind of like how I felt.

Esme, also tear-stained, gave me a small smile as I came in.

"Carlisle's got the kids in my car. He, uh, said you guys wouldn't mind taken them out for a little while. I really want some time alone with my wife, I hope that's okay?"

My sister-in-law gave me a hug. "Absolutely."

She left quietly, leaving Bella and I alone for the first time in what felt like forever. The space between us felt awkward.

"Hi." I mumbled in greeting.

"Hey."

"I, uh, bought you something," I told her shyly, sitting down beside her.

"You did?"

I nodded. "But first I wanted to tell you something." I waited until Bella was looking at me before I continued.

"I'm sorry. That we lost the baby." The tears were brimming in my eyes and hers. "I guess I've been trying to find a way to fix it and I never thought to tell you that I was sorry that this happened."

Bella snuggled up to my, her head on my chest, her tears making my shirt wet. I didn't fucking care. I only cared about her, about fixing us. Wrapped in each others arms, we finally cried together for the baby we had lost.

As Bella wiped away her tears she confided that she felt like she let me down when she miscarried. I told her I felt like I'd disappointed her for not knowing how to comfort her. We stayed in each other's arms for a long time, saying nothing yet saying it all.

Wiping away her tears, Bella turned to me.

"I thought you said you bought me something?" She gave me a weak smile.

I took the package out of my pocket and handed it to her. Bella carefully unwrapped the tissue paper and pulled out the angel Willow Tree Christmas ornament I'd bought.

"Something to remember the baby we lost," I explained.

"Oh, Edward. I love it. Thank you." I smiled and nodded as I took the angel from her and hung it up on our tree, front and center.

The next month when Bella got pregnant again, we had been cautiously excited. The culmination of our grief poured out when Charlotte was born. Bella and I had sobbed tears of joy for her birth, but also for what we had lost.

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I remembered. Momentarily, I had forgotten I wasn't alone and blinked them back.

"Dad? Are you okay?" Charlotte asked, her voice full of concern. I nodded my head and tried to clear the lump from my throat.

Rosalie put her arm around my daughter and spoke for me. "The birth of a baby is really profound and affects you for a lifetime."

I smiled my thanks at my family friend.

Rose continued, "The love in your heart is overwhelming. I remember being in the delivery room with my sister and it's just as emotional watching someone else give birth."

"I bet it was amazing. I wish mom was having another baby, I'd love to be in the delivery room."

"Not going to happen, kiddo," I chuckled as I still fought with the raw emotions I was feeling. God, I was a softie. Bella gave me a smile and Emmett rolled his eyes at me. Like Mr. Weepy over there was any better.

"If your parents don't mind, I would be okay if you were in the delivery room when I have this baby." Rosalie quirked an eyebrow at Bella and I. My wife shrugged her shoulders at me but I was hesitant. Charlotte looked thrilled at the possibility.

"I don't know. It's kind of gory." I wrinkled my nose.

"I don't have to have my face, you know, down there. I could just be in the room. I would love to be there. Please, Daddy?" Insert fluttering eyelashes.

I was concerned the blood and gore would be too much for her. Not to mention, Emmett had always eluded to the fact that Rosalie was a screamer in the bedroom, I could only imagine her in the delivery room. Then, like a light bulb going off in my head, it occurred to me it may just be birth control for Charlotte. Hell, she'd probably never want to have sex after she saw how much things had to stretch in order for the baby to come out. I was totally on board with that.

"If Uncle Emmett and Auntie Rosalie are okay with it, then it's fine with me."

Both Emmett and Rosalie said they didn't mind. Rose really wanted Megan to be there but she flat out refused when she asked her that same night.

"Absolutely not! I do not want to see my mother's va-jay-jay, thank you very much! And if you tell me anything about it, Char, I will de-friend you on Facebook."

Every day after school, Charlotte called Rosalie asking how she was feeling, waiting not so patiently for the day to come. Bella and I prepared her for the fact that the fourth baby may come too quickly for us to make it to the hospital. She did not like that at all, and increased her calls to Rosalie to twice a day. Any hint or twinge of labor and she was to call Charlotte immediately.

A week and a half before her due date, Rosalie picked Charlotte up at school during lunch. She had a doctor's appointment and thought Char might want to come along to hear the heart beat, etcetera. Charlotte was thrilled, not only to be included in the appointment but because she was skipping the afternoon of school.

When Rosalie dropped Charlotte back off at home, she invited herself in for a glass of water.

"You okay?" I asked, passing her a glass of water as she leaned against the kitchen counter. She looked pale and I was concerned.

"It's nothing. I've been cramping since the OB appointment," she explained.

"Maybe you'll have the baby today!" Charlotte was hopeful.

Rosalie chuckled. "You never know. The other kids were all a week early. Ow," Rose exclaimed.

"Contraction?" I wondered, raising my eyebrows at her. I checked my watch, just in case.

Rosalie held up one finger and it took her a minute before she was able to speak. "Wow, that was definitely something."

"Something?"

"I'm sure it was just a Braxton Hicks contraction. That's your body's practice for the real thing." She explained to Charlotte.

"It looked painful." Charlotte turned up her nose.

"It was stronger than I remember. I forgot how much they hurt."

"Are you sure it was a Braxton and not a real contraction, Rose?" The last thing I needed was for her to spontaneously go into labor at my house and wind up having the baby in my living room. I internally snorted at the absurd thought.

Rose rubbed her belly and shrugged her shoulders. "It's been a long time, it may have been a contraction."

"Auntie Rosalie, maybe you should sit down?" Charlotte suggested, pulling out a chair.

Rose shook her head. "No sweetie, I'm okay. I think I'm getting another contraction, though. Looks like we may be having this baby sooner, rather than later, after all."

"That's so awesome!" Charlotte clapped her hands together excitedly.

"Can you pass me my phone? I'm just going to call Emmett." Charlotte passed her cell phone to Rosalie but before she could dial, the contraction was in full force. She scrunched up her face and panted a few breaths as she breathed through the pain.

My watch told me a minute had passed since the last one. I kept an eye on the time as the contraction eased off.

"Rose, they are a minute apart and lasting almost a minute. Sounds to me like you're in active labor."

"Don't be silly, two contractions is not active labor. You always exaggerate."

I raised my eyebrows at her the same way I did when one of the kids was lying to me and I waited for them to tell to admit the truth.

"Okay, maybe I'll call my doctor and see what she thinks." She found the number in her phone and dialed it. While Rosalie waited to be connected, Charlotte and I both fidgeted. Charlotte was bouncing up and down in excitement as I drummed my fingernails on the counter.

"Ouch, mother fucker!" Rosalie dropped the phone from her ear and held on to her belly again.

Again? Holy shit. They were too close together, that was only a forty-five second gap.

"Active labor, my ass! Come on, Rose, I think we need to get you to the hospital. Charlotte, can you grab her purse?"

Rosalie barely managed to talk through her pain. "Relax, Edward. I'm not going to pop the kid out on your kitchen floor."

No sooner did those words leave her mouth when her water broke, all over my kitchen floor.

"What the hell is that?" Charlotte asked, taking a step back.

Before I could say "Holy fucking shit!" Rosalie had another contraction. I didn't need to look at my watch to know that it was really fucking close to the last one.

"Okay, stay calm. Just breath, everything is going to be just fine. Water broke, no big deal. It could still be hours until the baby comes. Or not. Oh, God. Oh shit. Oh fuck. Okay, stay calm. Deep breath in, and deep breath out." I repeated the mantra and found myself panting and on the verge of hyperventilating. Rosalie offered me a chair and I thanked her as I sat down. It was then that I noticed two pairs of eyes staring at me. Rosalie's mocked me while Charlotte rolled hers.

"Uh, Dad? You're going to have to try and keep it together."

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"And maybe you could give Auntie the chair because it looks like she's having another contraction?"

"Right, shit, sorry, Rose, have a seat!"

Rosalie waved me off, apparently in too much pain to move. Damn it, I needed to get my shit together.

"Charlotte, call 9-1-1. Tell them we have a woman in labor and that her water just broke."

On my fucking floor. Nasty.

"Make sure they know this is baby number four and her contractions are coming fast. We're going to need paramedics right about now." I hoped I sounded like I was in control but I was freaking out inside.

"Edward, don't be ridiculous. I'm sure we have lots of time. Ouch, that was a mean little fucker." Rose took a deep breath. "Maybe you're right. Ow!"

While Charlotte was on the phone with 9-1-1, I managed to walk Rosalie to the living room and called Emmett's cell phone at the same time. He picked up immediately. Before he could say "hello" I was barking into the receiver.

"Rosalie's at my house and her water just broke. She's had a bunch of contractions and they are right on top of each other. Em, if I have to deliver your baby in my living room, I get naming rights!"

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes!" Emmett informed me and hung up. His office was at least a thirty minute drive but I had no doubt he'd be driving like a bat out of hell, breaking every traffic law, in order to make it to my house in record time.

I tossed my cell phone onto the coffee table and helped Rosalie get 'comfortable' on the couch. I know micro-suede is easy to clean, but I had a feeling even it was no match for what was about to happen.

Still on the phone with the dispatcher, Charlotte remained calm. She opened our front door for the paramedics and ran upstairs for a blanket and towels. I stayed with Rosalie, whose contractions were not letting up.

"How you doing?"

"Well, you know, this isn't my favorite part," Rosalie managed to wink at me.

"No doubt." It wasn't my favorite part either, but I preferred the labor pains to crowning.

She grabbed onto my hand as the next surge of pain came. Charlotte returned — phone tucked between her ear and shoulder — and covered Rosalie with a blanket, asking how she was feeling.

"I'm fine, Char. If I start cussing, though, I'm really sorry."

Charlotte relayed the part about Rosalie doing well through the phone to the operator.

"Don't worry about the swearing, it's not a big deal. I'm sure I've heard worse than you'll ever say." I made a mental note to talk to Jacob about his foul mouth.

Ow, mother fucker, Rosalie was squeezing really fucking hard.

Where the fucking hell were the God damned paramedics?

"Auntie Rosalie, the operator wants to know if you feel like you need to push?"

"No, but my contractions are one on top of the other."

"Tell them to fucking hurry!" I ordered.

"Dad, they're doing their best. They're about ten minutes away."

Well, thank God. During labor, women turn into super heroes with super strength. As proof, my fingers were turning white from lack of blood circulation.

"Rosalie, sweetie, do you think you can ease up, just a bit? My fingers are starting to hurt," I asked quietly.

Rosalie glared at me and I was pretty sure she growled under her breath.

"Sorry, it's just that I kind of need them. You know, for work purposes?" I knew she wanted the next ten chapters and my typing abilities would be severely hindered if I was one-handed.

"Sure, sorry about that." She loosened her grip on my hand but immediately started to grope between my legs. The pain must have made her lose her marbles.

"Uh, Rose?"

"Well, I'm in labor. I need something to grab on to and since you can't spare your precious, fucking fingers, I thought I'd look for another appendage to hold."

Charlotte snickered and I offered my hand and prayed it was quick labor – for my hand's sake. But not too quick, for obvious reasons.

"Where is Emmett? He'd better make it here in time!" Rosalie looked at me, her big, blue eyes brimming with tears.

"He's on his way, sweetie, just relax." I smoothed down her hair as she clenched my fingers harder. Ow!

"Relax? Did you just tell me to fucking RELAX? How about I squeeze your nut sack every thirty seconds and tell you to fucking relax?" Rose glared at me with fire in her eyes.

"Where is that fucker Emmett?" I growled, looking around. Rosalie's foul mouth indicated she was in transition and I knew what came after transition – a fucking baby. The paramedics and Emmett had better hurry their assess the fuck up.

Charlotte passed me a damp cloth, she must have sensed my stress.

"Thanks, Char." I took it and wiped my brow.

"Uh, Dad? That's for Auntie Rosalie. You know, the one who's in labor?"

The 'Duh" was implied.

"Right. Sorry." I passed the now used cloth to Rose; she waved it away as she rolled her eyes.

Charlotte was timing the contractions and told the operator there really wasn't a break between them at that point. She had one hand on Rosalie's stomach as she quietly spoke to her.

"You are doing so great, Auntie, you're amazing!"

Rose managed a smile and I wondered if it was a bad time to mention that I really had to pee. Like, badly. I knew I shouldn't have had that Big Gulp earlier. I tried not to think about it, but the more I tried, the more I had to go, damn it.

"I think I have to push."

It wasn't a question but more of a fact. I guessed heading out to pee was out of the question.

I looked at Rosalie wide-eyed. "Close your legs, or try to stop it or something!" My voice was three octaves higher than a pre-pubescent boy. I remember one time when Jake was thirteen…wait, now probably isn't the time for that….

"Try to stop it?" Rosalie gritted between her teeth. "The next time you have to take a dump, Cullen, try and stop mid-shit."

Well, I was kind of trying to keep myself from crapping my pants, did that count?

Charlotte calmly told the 9-1-1 operator that Rosalie felt like she had to push.

"Dad, the operator needs you to look and see if you can see the baby's head."

Pretty sure my eyes bugged right out as I swallowed the lump in my throat. "You mean, down there?"

Even though she was in pain, Rosalie managed a laugh. "Tell the operator to send two paramedics, this one's going to faint."

"No, no, it's fine. I can do this."

Rosalie looked at me, doubtfully.

It's just a vagina, Edward. You've seen one, you've seen them all. Sure, it's your boss' vagina, who also happens to be one of your best friends, but it's fine. You can do this. I think. Fuckidy fuck fuck!

I thought my pep talk was in my head but nope, it was aloud. Of course it was. I was Edward I-talk-to-myself-and-look-like-a-moron Cullen. Both Rosalie and Charlotte were looking at me like I were nuts.

"Sorry about that," I apologized sheepishly.

I got on my knees in front of the couch - the very same position I was in with my wife a few weeks before. Except this was different, oh so fucking different. I took a deep breath in and blew it out hard as I lifted the blanket.

Everything happened rather quickly after that. Emmett's booming voice growled at me to get away from his wife's tunnel of love – his words, not mine. He pushed me out of the way, but not out of the line of site.

Vagina.

Baby crowning.

Sensory overload.

Holy.

Fucking.

Shit.

Even though I was on my knees and close to the ground, I keeled over and hit the wood floor with a hard thump!

I was told later that I was only out for a minute but when I woke up, there were five paramedics in my house. And yet, not one was paying any attention to me. For all they knew, I could have a concussion or something. I'd made a mental note to Google the symptoms of a concussion, just in case.

The grunting of Rosalie reminded me what was going on – right, a baby was about to be born in my living room. I guess they were justified in directing their attention to the mother-to-be.

You know me by now. I don't always say the most politically correct things. And in my defense, everything was still sort of fuzzy, my eyes, my brain and certainly, my common sense.

"Wow, Rosalie. Look at all that hair," I mumbled in my groggy state.

"Oh my God, Edward! I didn't have time to take care of that, okay?"

"Rosie, I think he means the baby, sweetie," Emmett explained with a chuckle for Rosalie and a glaring look for me.

I was still disorientated, but I needed to change my view. With difficulty, I managed to stand up and move to the side of the room.

"How are you doing there, buddy?" Em teased.

I wanted to tell him that I'd just seen his wife's 'tunnel of love' and was probably not going to have sex for at least week.

"Peachy," I told him instead.

"This is it, Rosalie, your baby is right there. One big push, okay?" The paramedic instructed.

Rose put her chin to her chest, and with her eyes squeezed shut, she did what had to be done. I was surprised at how quiet the room became, surreal actually. Rosalie had a look of determination and Emmett was already weepy. Charlotte had a look of bewilderment and awe written all over her face. I was staring at my daughter when suddenly, there was a loud wail. Char's eyes went huge as the baby was delivered and promptly laid on Rosalie's stomach.

"Congratulations, you have a beautiful baby boy!" Someone made the all important announcement.

It was chaotic as the medics fussed with the newborn but amidst the chaos, Rosalie and Emmett were completely serene. Their heads were touching, tears streaming down their cheeks as they admired their son. The love in the room was tangible and I almost felt like I was intruding on their special moment. Charlotte must have felt the same because she came over to where I was standing. Smiling at her, I put my arm around her as she rested her head on my chest. The tears couldn't be held back, freely pouring down my face. I was so happy for my friends but more so, it was the memories that inundated me that were making me cry.

I had flash backs of the first few moments of each of my children's start to life. Counting their ten, tiny fingers and toes. Having a minor freak out when, in my sleep deprived state, I miscounted Leah's. Trailing a finger along the shell of their little ears (except Jake's whose were too big to be cute). Pressing my lips to their perfect ones. Oh, how I loved nuzzling their scrunched up, pug-like noses with mine. Never to be forgotten, the newborn scent, the fresh-from-the-oven-smells-like-they-came-directly-from-Heaven smell. Simply divine.

I wrapped both my arms around Charlotte and kissed the top of her head, murmuring that I loved her. My baby girl gave me a squeeze and looked up at me, tears making a path down her cheeks, mascara following in black streaks. With my fingers, I swiped away the smudged mascara and returned her smile.

"What do you think, kiddo?" I whispered quietly, not wanting to ruin the whole Zen-like feeling in the room.

"It was … wow …" Charlotte shook her head, at a complete loss for words.

"Pretty fucking amazing, huh?" I offered and Char nodded emphatically.

We embraced for a long while, watching the bonding of the parents and child.

"Hey, do you guys want to meet Ethan Edward?" Emmett asked with a huge grin.

"You-you named him after me?" I gulped back more tears as I put my hand over my heart. I was so touched. It was such an honor, a joy, a compliment...

"Naaa, just fucking with you, E. It's Ethan Charlie - after our coach, Charlotte."

Charlotte looked from Emmett and Rosalie to me, tears once again streaming down her face. She left the circle of my arms and Emmett welcomed her to his. Despite the fact the paramedics were still there, attending to Rosalie and the baby simultaneously, they never infringed on the moment the four of us shared with the newborn. Little Ethan was passed from mom, to dad, to Charlotte and finally to me. I couldn't help but to smile at such a perfect little human, especially a friggin cute one with a deep cleft in his chin. When the little guy made his hunger known, Rosalie nursed him, Charlotte watching with rapture.

Even though I have less of an aversion to my friend's boobs than to her vagina, I chose that time to offer Emmett a celebratory beer. He accepted and we snuck off the kitchen. Leaning against the counter, we knocked our bottles together before we took a long swig.

"Congrats, buddy. Ethan's pretty amazing."

Emmett smiled, a big, wide, toothy grin. "Thanks. Fuck, man. Another son." He shook his head as the tears welled up in his eyes. "Damn it. I'm such a sap. You'd think after doing this four times I wouldn't be such a wuss."

I threw my arm around his shoulders. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone that you cried like a baby."

"Whatever. It's not even your kid and you're more of a mess than I am."

"Yeah, well…." I had nothing to retaliate with. "Oh, shut up."

We took another few minutes, quietly drinking our beers, wiping away tears before we went back to the living room.

"Guess I owe you a new couch?" Emmett chuckled.

"How about you pay for Leah and Adam's wedding when the time comes and we call it even?"

Emmett socked my arm playfully. Unfortunately, his definition of 'playful' and mine are on opposite sides of the spectrum. "We'll talk in a year or so when it comes to that."

"A year or so? Uh, how about we talk in five years, after your son asks my permission."

"Looks like there may be another Cullen McCarty wedding. Seems as though your baby girl is in love with my baby boy."

I looked past Rosalie, who was arguing with the paramedics that she could walk on her own accord, to Charlotte. She was oblivious to the commotion going on around her and completely enthralled in the baby who was nestled in her arms. The look on her face radiated pure joy. Emmett slapped me on the back before he went to his wife, trying to convince her to listen to the medics. Charlotte relinquished the baby to the proud papa and we walked them out.

Still in a euphoric daze, my daughter and I went back into the house, bypassing the hell of a mess in the living room, opting for a drink together in the kitchen, side stepping the baby juice on the floor that Charlotte had thankfully covered up with a towel. I guessed were were going to be buying more linens. As we were talking about the events of the afternoon, Bella arrived home.

"Uh, Edward? Can you tell me what the hell happened to my friggin couch?"

Charlotte started giggling and bounded off to her mom, excited to tell her all about Ethan's birth. Even though I'd fainted, again, the whole event was definitely one of my life's top ten amazing moments. It was pretty fucking cool that I got to spend it with my daughter as well. If only I hadn't seen Rosalie's hoo hoo. I hoped I didn't have nightmares.

**Welcome to the world, Baby Ethan Charlie. Edward didn't do too badly - much like my hubby. Although my hubby went for coffee and a donut when I was ten cm...that's another story for another time!**

**Next up, Edward has some father/son bonding time with Jake.**

**Perhaps another teaser if you review... yep, I'm whoring myself out for reviews again! xoxoxox See you next time!**


	17. Chapter 17

**I tried hard to balance the funny with the sweet in the last chapter, and was so appreciative of your kind reviews telling me I did just that. THANK YOU SO MUCH! Having you take the time to reply, means a lot to me!**

**Lolo: thank you for being my pre-reader!**

**Time's a little mixed up because baby Ethan had to be born. I'm not going to dwell on Thanksgiving or Christmas simply because it's hard for me to write about Christmas when it's hot where I am LOL. In any case, I hope you enjoy!**

**Chapter 17**

It was Thanksgiving weekend and the girls were at the mall, doing some damage to my credit cards. Jacob and I were in the attic, digging out the many boxes of Christmas decorations Bella had acquired over the years. It was a pain in the ass job that I hated but I loathed the crowds at the mall on Black Friday more.

Jacob and I both grumbled as we made our way up to the attic. I love my wife but Bella was a Christmas decorating freak, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. There were probably a dozen boxes, stuffed full of crap, I mean stuff. My sentimental wife had saved every decoration the kids had made from preschool onward and every year they were disbursed between two, full-sized, Christmas trees. Who the hell needs two Christmas trees in their house? Apparently, us. I dare you to argue with Bella on that point because it was always a losing battle for me.

As we were balls deep in clutter, Jacob and I chatted.

"So, if you wanted something that you knew mom would be opposed to, how would you go about trying to convince her?"

I laughed. "If you figure that out, let me know, why don't ya?"

Jake looked thoughtful as I passed him a box.

"Careful, this one's heavy." He took it from me as though it weighed nothing and put it by the door. "What is it that you want to convince your mom about?"

"I'm thinking about buying a bike."

"What's wrong with the bike you have in the garage? It's only a few years old."

"A motorbike," Jacob clarified. "You know, like a Harley, or something."

Jacob wasn't amused by the snort/laugh I gave.

"You're not serious?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Absolutely not."

"Why? I really want an old Harley like Uncle Carlisle has."

"Uncle Carlisle can afford a Harley and any medical bills associated with injury from said bike. Get a dog. Name him Harley."

"Very funny."

"I thought it was. This isn't up for discussion, Jacob."

"But-"

"But it's not going to happen, sorry." I wasn't sorry but it sounded good.

My son glared at me with contempt as he snatched the next box from my hands. His chocolate brown eyes turned black when he was angry and right then, they were small slits of the blackest coal.

"You're such a …" Jacob stopped himself from whatever profanity he was going to utter.

"I dare you to finish your statement." I narrowed my eyes right back at him and shook my head in warning.

He stomped away from me, muttering under his breath. We were both cursed with a hot temper, and I knew when he needed a minute to calm himself down so I gave it to him. As he brooded, I moved miscellaneous boxes out of the way to get to the ones I needed.

"I'm not trying to be an ass, you know."

Jacob grunted.

"Motorcycles are extremely dangerous and, despite what you think, it would suck to have you die. Funerals cost a fortune you know." I was trying to make light of the situation but if his face was any indication, I was failing. "Besides, I thought you were saving up to buy yourself a car?"

"Well, I was but Rachel's dad bought her one." He raised his eyebrows at me, intending that as a dig.

"Well, Rachel's dad didn't have to pay for the repair on the wrecked BMW, now did he?"

"I paid you back, mostly in child labor, thank you very much. Anyways, now that Rach has a car, I don't really need one and thought I could get a bike instead. The guys at the garage said they'd help me fix up an old one."

"That's a great idea. 'Cause I want you riding around in a junker bike you've pieced together yourself. Your mom will love that."

Can you feel the sarcasm?

"What if I pay for professional driving lessons, buy an expensive helmet, and only ride when the roads are dry?"

"How about this? If you can get your mother to say yes, you have my blessing." I gave him a fake smile as I handed him a box. We both knew getting Bella to agree to a motorcycle was not only slim to none, but slim to no-fucking-way-in-hell.

Jacob piled the box by the door. "It's so hot up here. Are we almost done?"

"Not yet. You know your mom, she's got boxes of this crap." We had far too many decorations, ornaments, and outside bling for my liking. Bella told me Christmas only came once a year and to let her enjoy it. There was also a threat with her statement. If she heard me make any snarky comment about her 'treasures', my prized Chicago Cubs t-shirt, worn to the perfect level of comfort, would go missing. So, year after year, I dug out the many boxes, grumbled to myself or to Jacob but kept my mouth shut about it to Bella.

"Don't worry, Jake, we should be done this in time for Christmas."

Jacob groaned and peeled off his shirt, tossing it aside. From across the room, I thought I saw a hoop in his nipple. Totally ridiculous because no son of mine would have his nipple pierced, right? As Jake walked toward me, my eyes focused on his chest. Then the overhead light glinted off the metal, removing any doubt I had.

"What the fuck is that?"

Jacob looked down at his bare chest, and looked surprised, almost like he was seeing the piercing for the first time.

"Uh …oh shit," he mumbled the curse word under his breath.

I must have been in shock because for once, I had no comment. I must still be sick.

I quirked my son an eyebrow and waited for him to explain himself.

Jacob scratched his head. "Back in October, I went with some of the guys to celebrate the big win after we annihilated the Spartans."

"You celebrated by piercing your friggin nipple? Really? Whatever happened to going out for pizza?"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Sticking a needle through your nipple was a good idea? What were the other suggestions? Put a fork in a toaster? Stick a finger up your buddy's asshole in camaraderie?"

"Dad!"

"Your mother is going to shit a brick when she sees that." I shook my head in disbelief.

"Leah and Charlotte have their ears pierced, what's the difference?"

I snorted. "If you don't know the difference between an ear and a nipple, I feel sorry for Rachel."

"Funny, Dad." My son gave me the middle finger. I didn't reprimand him, I did kind of deserve it. "For your information, my girlfriend loves it."

I waved off his smug, wagging eyebrows. "I don't need specifics, Bud. And I highly doubt that piece of too-much-information will be any consolation to your mom."

"I wasn't planning on her finding out any time soon."

"Oh really?" I mocked. "Do you not know your mother at all? She knows things before they even happen. All mom's have freaky sixth-sense abilities."

"She didn't know about this." Jacob flicked the ring and I rolled my eyes.

"She'll find out. Just like she found out about the Playboy magazine you had hidden under your mattress."

"That was yours!" Jacob protested loudly.

"Which you stole from my room!"

"Which you also had hidden – and not very well – I should add." He flashed me a perfect smile.

"Just be thankful you found the magazine and not the … Never mind." I was pretty sure he didn't want to hear about the sex toys. "We're getting off topic here, this is about you and your nipple ring."

God, I hated saying the word nipple around my son.

"Are you going to tell mom?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Thank God."

"You are." I smirked.

"Shit." Jacob was defeated and he knew it. "Any advice?"

"Have an empty bladder because I feel a lecture coming on. Trust me, mom's can drone on for days if you've done something they don't approve of."

"Is that what happened when Gramma found out about your tattoo?"

I rubbed my hand across my face. The wrath of my mother over the ink on my calf was completely unparalleled to any other rebellious thing I'd ever done. I actually had two tattoos – there was also one on my bicep – but mom didn't know about that one and I had no plans to let her know either. Maybe on her death bed, we'll see.

My mother never said anything to me about the drinking or pot smoking I did back in high school. I guess because she figured my dad had already read me the riot act. But the tattoo, good God, she gave me a mouthful on that.

"Gramma was a little irate, you could say." I admitted.

"How about we have a beer and you tell me the story?" Jacob suggested hopefully.

"Nice try. The story's just as good over water, here." I passed him a bottle and settled myself down on the floor for a bit of a break. Jacob sat down across from me, his long legs stretching out in front of him. I glanced at his nipple ring again and shook my head.

"Tell me what Gramma did. I can't imagine her being angry or upset about anything, she's like the sweetest woman on the planet."

"Gramma is pretty sweet but, wow, she doesn't like ink at all."

"Maybe she'll like my nipple ring?"

That right there, was called wishful thinking. Or fucking stupid.

"I suggest you keep your shirt on around her."

"Yeah, I think I'll do that. Anyways, tell me about when she found out about the tattoo."

"I was already married when I got my first tat; you were a baby and Leah was a toddler. I had no idea my mom would notice it, let alone care about it. But she did."

We were all together at my parent's house for a bar-be-que. It was hot so I was in shorts. I'm sure I'd worn shorts around my parents since getting it done but maybe not. I don't remember; it wasn't like I was hiding it. I was playing ball on the grass with Leah when mom spotted it. The way she shrieked my full name, you'd have thought I'd committed a carnal sin.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen! What is that on the back of your leg?" I copied the shrill tone of her voice and Jacob snickered.

"You mean the tattoo?" I asked, confused.

"A tattoo? You have a tattoo? Anthony," she called over to my dad, "did you know about this?"

"Did Grandpa know?"

I nodded. "My dad knew about it but he pled the fifth, just like I'm going to do when you tell mom about your nipple ring." I suspected that somehow, his poor choice would translate to being my fault.

"Ma, it's a tattoo. It's not a big deal."

As I said that, Bella ushered the kids into the house, my dad skulked away with her. We all knew my mother didn't often get mad but when she did, take cover. Carlisle and Esme stayed outside, probably for the sheer entertainment of watching me get my ass handed to me.

"You permanently marked your body, Edward. Don't you have a birthmark on your bottom that the good Lord gave you? Isn't that good enough for you?"

"Mom!" I blushed and Esme smirked. My glaring eyes told my sister-in-law the raised strawberry mark on my right butt cheek was not to be mentioned ever again.

"What's the tattoo of anyways?" Mom reached for her glasses and put them on. "Is that your name?"

"Uh, yeah. It says 'Cullen' down my calf."

My mom laughed. "Are you afraid you're going to forget your own name, child?"

"I thought it might be helpful when I get to be your age, you know?" My joke was apparently not funny. My mother gave me 'the look', the same one I adopted and used on my children when they did something that I wasn't impressed with. In fact, it was the exact same look I'd given Jacob when I first noticed his nipple ring. It said 'I-think-you're-a-fucking-idiot-but-you're-my-kid-so-I- still-love-you-but-what-the-fuck-have-you-done'.

I tired my best to ignore the look my mother was gracing me with and did what anyone else would do in my situation. I ratted out my brother.

"Besides, Carlisle has one, too."

Twenty-five years old and I was still tattling on my brother, real mature, I know. Carlisle's eyes went huge and he shook his head at me.

"Don't be ridiculous. Of course Carlisle doesn't have one."

Oh no, of course fucking golden boy Carlisle didn't have one. He had four.

"Pffffff, ridiculous. Edward and his crazy distraction techniques. Esme, want to go inside?" She agreed and they left me to fend for myself.

"Next you're going to tell me that Esme and Isabella have one too." I opened my mouth to rat them both out then decided against it. Esme and Bella had gone together and had Carlisle and my names tattooed in a delicate spot only we could see. Sexy as hell, by the way.

"I almost ratted out your mom, but I stopped myself." I admitted to Jacob with a chuckle. However, he looked rather confused.

"Mom has a tattoo?"

Oh shit. Bella was going to fucking kill me. I scrubbed my hand over my face while I tried to figure out what to tell Jake. My technique was to continue talking, completely ignoring the fact that I'd fucked up. Ignorance is bliss.

"So, my mom droned on, and on, listing all the reasons why I should not have gotten a tattoo. She cited everything from infection, to Hepatitis C, to telling me God wouldn't be happy with me. I was sure I'd done worst things God wouldn't be too happy about but I was wise enough to keep my mouth shut in front of my mom."

Although Jacob was listening to me, he had a smirk on his face and I was pretty sure he'd already guessed his mother's tattoo was a flower above the bushes, so to speak.

"The worst part, Jake? I had to pee so badly but I knew better than to walk away from my mom. Finally, you saved me. Well, your explosive diaper did. We didn't have a change of clothes so we had to go home. I was never so thankful for a shitty diaper as I was then." I laughed.

"So Gramma doesn't know about the tattoo on your arm?"

I shook my head. "No, she doesn't. And she's not going to, either." I threatened him with narrowed eyes.

"Just like mom won't know about my nipple ring, perhaps?" Jacob tried to lift an eyebrow. He needed to work on that.

"You can't blackmail me, Jacob. I know far too many juicy things about you."

Jacob frowned because he knew I was right. We sat in silence as we finished our water.

"Can you do your impersonation of Gramma calling you by your first name again, that was awesome!"

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen!"

I tell you, my tone and pitch were spot on.

"Huh."

"I know, right? I do Gramma pretty good," I said proudly.

"No. I never knew you had two middle names."

My heart stopped for a moment, then I realized, and I mean no disrespect, but Jacob wasn't smart enough to make a connection between my full name and my pen name. Was he?

"Edward Anthony Masen? …. Holy shit." Jacob pointed a finger in my direction.

Oh. Fuck.

"Jacob, it's not what you think."

"It's not?"

"You're thinking I'm E.A. Masen. It's only a weird coincident that I happen to have the same initials as him."

And that was called talking out of my ass.

Jacob kept staring, not exactly at me but a little off to the side, almost like he was trying to process it all.

"Okay, listen. I think you're old enough to know." I ran my fingers through my hair. I always knew that one day I'd be having the talk with my kids. I was kind of wishing Jake and I were sharing a beer right about then, though.

Taking a deep breath, I blurted out the truth.

"I'm E.A. Masen."

I felt like I was at a support meeting where you had to confess your addiction before a group. It was kind of liberating to share.

"Wh-what?" Jacob shook his head and re-focused his eyes on me.

"Were you even listening? I just admitted that I'm E.A. Masen. Isn't that what you were holy shitting about a second ago?"

"Uh, no. There's a dead rat right behind you. I was holy shitting about that, actually."

I thought he was kidding but glancing behind me, I discovered he wasn't. It was huge! Seriously, it was the size of a small cat, with a long, skinny, creepy fucking tail. I let out a manly shriek and scooted across the room, much to Jacob's delight. Okay, the shriek was more along the lines of pre-teen girl with front row seats at her first boy band concert, but let's keep that between you, me and Jacob, okay?

"Go get something to clean that up with!"

Jacob continued to laugh at me as he left the attic. He came back a few minutes later with a plastic bag and clad in rubber gloves. I suffered from dry heaves when he walked right up to the rat and picked it up.

"Cool, rigor mortis." Jacob banged the rat against the floor and it thumped loudly.

"That is so nasty." My body shivered with disgust. Thankfully, he put it into the plastic bag and tied it off. "Can you put that thing outside in the trash? And wash your hands with soap and hot water," I called after him.

While Jake was gone, I thought about my revelation to him and how it was so anti-climatic. I don't know what I was expecting but I thought maybe we'd bond or something over it. I let my mind wander.

"Wow, you write porn. That's so fucking cool."

"Well, son, I not only write it, I live the life."

"Dad, I want to be just like you one day."

We'd have one of those back-slapping hugs and share a moment that I'd look back upon fondly when I was old(er) and grey(er).

What? I've never denied that I have a wild imagination.

When he returned, I was still backed up against the wall, too scared to move an inch for fear of coming in contact with another dead rodent. Jake laughed when he saw me huddled up in the corner. With him around to protect me, I felt brave enough to move away from the wall a bit. Honestly, I figured Jake was bigger and meatier, and surely a rodent would choose him over me for their next meal.

"So, you were saying something about being E.A. Masen – who's that?"

Are you fucking kidding me?

"You really don't know who E.A. Masen is?"

"Should I?"

Well, it kind of makes me a really cool dad, so yes, it would be great if you knew, I thought to myself.

"Have a seat."

Jacob looked at his watch. "Is this going to take long because I kind of wanted to see Rachel later."

"You know what, kid? We're supposed to be bonding here so have a seat and humor me, okay?"

Reluctantly, Jacob sat down on the floor with a heavy sigh. I sat across from him and told him about my secret identity, about all the books, how no one knows the real identity of the author, etcetera. Sadly, my son looked rather bored by it all.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I think I just saw something scurry away over there." Jake jutted his chin, indicating he meant behind me. I jumped up and moved closer to the door. Knowing my son, he was probably fucking with me, but I wasn't going to chance it.

"I'll pay you fifty bucks to finish up here and bring the boxes to the living room."

My son snorted as he stood up, dusting off his pants with his hands. "For fifty, I'll keep my mouth shut about you freaking out like a pansy about the rat. Another fifty for finishing up here and bringing down the boxes. And a hundred and fifty to not tell anyone your alter ego." Smirk in place, his dark eyes had a sparkle to them.

"You little…"

Jacob shrugged.

"I'll make you a deal. Knock fifty off your asking price and I won't tell your mother about your stupid nipple ring."

Jacob smiled and extended his hand to me. "Deal."

"You can not tell a soul about my pen name."

"What's a pen name?"

I rolled my eyes. "You can't tell anyone about me being E.A. Masen. Ever. Not Leah, Charlotte, Rachel, no one."

"Yeah, yeah, sure. I'll take payment in twenties, please. Today would be great." Jacob grinned as we shook on our agreement.

I left him in the attic while I had a quick shower then went to the bank machine to withdraw his money. We met in the living room when I got home, where he'd neatly stacked up all the boxes. I counted out the bills to his outstretched hand and my son smiled deviously.

"Thanks, Dad."

"Uh huh." I rolled my eyes.

"I have a confession to make." I noticed he tucked the money into his back pocket before he continued. "I kind of figured you were E.A. Masen a while ago."

"What? How?" I asked incredulously.

"Remember when you let me use your laptop for my English assignment last year? Well, I found one of your work in progress novels then. I thought you were just editing it but then read on line about how E.A. Masen will only deal with Auntie Rosalie. It took me a while but I finally put two and two together."

"You snooped in my private files?"

"It kind of happened by accident."

"Accident my ass." I shook my head and Jake quickly intervened.

"Remember, we're bonding here?" He smiled at me sheepishly.

"We'll discuss that part later. I'm confused, though. I'm always so careful to encrypt everything. How did you— ?"

"Come on, Dad. OFTE isn't hard to decrypt. What I did read was pretty impressive, I have to tell you. I know why Leah hides one under her mattress." Even though we were alone, Jake lowered his voice. "I may have tried … uh...let's just say Rachel approves … yeah… so, uh… anyways, nice work."

"You think?" I grinned. He was right - we were bonding. I put aside how I was feeling about him snooping and focused on that.

Jacob nodded and I felt like I had inched up on the cool dad scale, if a few notches.

"Nice porn collection, too, by the way. You need to learn to encrypt better. Or not, works for me."

"So, you're telling me you've known about what I really do for a living for awhile but never said anything - why?"

Jake shrugged. "Well, I wasn't entirely sure and I figured you'd tell me when you wanted to. It's cool, you being him. There are lots of theories out there on who you really are."

"How do you know all this?" I questioned.

"Google. You can find out a lot of shit by Google."

"I know right!" I high-fived him. Google really was the bomb. "You've known all this time and never once said anything. I'm surprised."

Jacob let out a laugh. "Well, I also figured I could use it to blackmail you some day."

I pulled him into a hug. The back-slapping hug I'd dreamt of. it wasn't quite the same but I'd take it.

"You are a smart little fucker, you know that?"

"It's all part of my charm." Jake laughed. "I get why no one can know who E.A. Masen really is. Imagine if they knew he was an ordinary guy who screamed over dead rats. That he was a father of three who doesn't exactly lead a glamorous, sex-crazed life. The mystic would be ruined."

I laughed. "You can see why I need to remain anonymous."

Suddenly, Jacob got a look of panic on his face. "You don't, do you?"

"What?"

"Lead a sex-crazed life…..with mom?"

I should have tried harder but I couldn't hide my grin. And just like that, bonding time was over. Worse than that, the boy was probably going to need therapy. Great, another friggin bill.

"Can I go to Rachel's now?"

"Yeah, sure. Thanks for your help with the boxes. And for using your discretion."

"What's discretion?"

Seriously? The kid could decrypt computer files but basic English he was lacking in.

"Just go," I told him with a chuckle.

"Can I take your car?"

"Nice try."

"I sure wouldn't want anyone to find out about E.A. Masen."

Such a punk.

"I sure wouldn't want anyone to find out about J.N. Cullen jerking off three times a day."

Yes, it was a low blow but tit-for-tat, baby.

"On second thought, I think I can afford a cab today." Jacob winked at me as he left.

I sat down on the couch after he left. My new couch, I'll have you know. Bella wanted to have our baby-birthing-juice-stained couch professionally cleaned but I nixed that idea in a hurry. Yuck. The new chocolate brown, leather sofa came equipped with a recliner and simply put, I was in heaven. As I put my feet up, I closed my eyes and managed a healthy nap before the giggles of my three favorite girls woke me up.

Bella dropped her bags at the door and slipped out of her coat. "Why don't you girls put your stuff away and we'll meet in the kitchen in a bit to plate up some left overs for supper."

With barely a wave to me, the girls ran upstairs, excited to look over their many purchases again. My wife walked over to me and kissed my forehead sweetly. I surprised her when I pulled her to sit on my lap and she let out a protesting giggle but settled against me.

"How was shopping?" As I asked, one hand slipped under the back of her shirt and fanned out over the bare skin of her lower back.

"Successful. There's a little bit of money left in our account." Bella teased. "Looks like you and Jacob found all the boxes."

"Jacob found more than the boxes. He found out about me being E.A. Masen."

"What?" Bella looked surprised. We'd always talked about how we'd have to tell the kids one day, but one day was more along the lines of when I was dead and buried.

"For a fleeting moment, Jake thought I was a cool dad. Then he made a smart ass comment about how no one can find out about me being E.A. Masen because I don't lead a very exciting, sex-crazed life."

Bella's eyes went wide. "You didn't enlighten him, did you?"

I shook my head. "No.

"Thank God."

"I just grinned."

"Edward!" Bella shook her head at me.

"Yeah, well now I'm just a dirty old man who does horrible stuff to his mother."

"I wouldn't call it horrible stuff."

Nothing like a segue….

"Oh, really?" My hand snaked around to her front, and cupped her breast.

"Edward."

"Why do you always say my name like that?" I feigned being hurt but continued my advances.

"Because you will want sex and the girls are right upstairs."

"It's not my fault you can't resist me. I'm sexy, remember?"

My lips left kisses along her neck and I pulled down the front of her shirt to leave one a little lower on her collarbone. I met no resistance, so very slowly, I traced my tongue along her lower lip as I stared into her eyes before I sucked on her pouty lip. Bella groaned as I tugged it lightly before releasing it.

"Your so gross," Charlotte complained, as she walked into the living room with Leah in tow. With reluctance, I removed my hand but it was too late, both girls had seen.

"Hhmmm... to lecture my father about his inappropriate boob grope or not, that is the question." Leah tapped her finger to her temple and I wrinkled my nose at her.

"Is it time to eat? I'm starving." Leah wondered as she headed into the kitchen.

"I'm not sure I have an appetite left," Char grumbled as she followed behind.

Right then, Jacob bounded through the front door and rolled his eyes at our P.D.A.

"Get a room."

Damn it. No one else could find out about the real life of E.A. Masen. The reality was certainly not as exciting as the myth. He gets cock-blocked by his kids, and think he's a pig who does bad things to their mother. Awesome. So fucking glamorous.

**So, Jacob 'I-pierced-my-nipple' knows. Will he keep it a secret? Hmmmmm... time will tell!**

**Next up:Jake has trouble with Rachel and Charlotte has her first one to one date. Can you imagine being the guy coming to meet this Edward before a first date? Bwahahah, good times ahead.**

**What should I give you for reviewing? Another teaser? Maybe just a thank you from the bottom of my heart? Both?**

**I hope to see you next time, my friends! Thanks for all your support xo**


	18. Chapter 18

**Oh my goodness - I have been loving all the reviews and comments - please don't stop! Thank you all for pimping out my story! A huge shout out to the girls of "A Different Forest" dot com xo. Lolo84 is once again my pre-reader so mwah to you!**

**Chapter 18**

A few weeks after Jake discovered who I was, well technically it was after I ratted myself out (pun intended), I was in the kitchen getting started on supper. When the front door was opened and slammed shut abruptly, my first guess that it was Charlotte was wrong when Jacob stormed into the kitchen. He dumped his backpack on the floor and yanked the refrigerator door open, rattling the bottles and jars that were in the door. He rummaged around, eventually grabbed out a can of Pepsi, and slammed the door shut.

"Hey! Easy on the appliances there, buddy," I scolded.

Jacob mumbled an apology as he sat down on a bar stool opposite me and cracked open his drink.

"Everything okay? Bad practice today?" Usually on Monday's he didn't get home until five-thirty and it being that it was barely three-thirty, I knew something was up.

Jake guzzled back the soda before he answered me. "I skipped it." He wiped his sleeve across his mouth.

I eyed him curiously with one eyebrow raised. Something big was going on, Jake never skipped practice.

"You and Rachel okay?" The way he glared at me I knew I'd hit the nail on the head.

"Fuck if I even fucking know."

Normally I wouldn't tolerate foul language from my son, but it was obvious he was upset, so I let it slide.

"Anything you want to talk about?" I gave him a sideways glance as I stirred the pasta sauce.

Jake shrugged his shoulders as he frowned. "Rachel kissed another guy."

Right there was my opportunity to give some fatherly advice, to counsel him; give guidance to my only son. When the kids were little it was Bella could always make a skinned knee feel better with a simple kiss. Jacob needed me and, damn it, I was going to find the words to help him.

"Oh."

Damn it! That's not what was supposed to come out of my mouth! Jake looked at me, deadpan expression on his face, indicating that 'Oh' was definitely the wrong answer.

"Shit, I'm sorry. Did you want to talk about it? When did this happen?" I turned the temperature down on the sauce and waited for Jacob to answer.

"First, you have to promise you won't get mad."

God, I hated when one of the kids started a conversation like that. If I didn't promise not to get mad, they wouldn't tell me. If I did, and they had done something completely asinine, I had no recourse for disciplining them. I sighed.

"Did you do something illegal?"

"Well, technically, yes."

I pulled up a bar stool beside my son and sat down. "Then I can't promise not to get mad. But I promise to listen and give you advice, if I have any." And I prayed it was better than "Oh".

Jacob toyed with the tab on the top of his pop can as he thought about my offer. He must have wanted advice because he started talking. He told me about the party he'd gone to the Saturday before at his buddy's house. I had known about the party, and had even extended his curfew until two a.m. Jake looked guilty when he told me his friend's older brother had bootlegged for the group.

"Ahh, I see where the illegal part comes in."

Jake nodded. "Yeah, there may have been some alcohol consumed."

"How'd you get home?"

Because if he had driven home drunk, all bets were off. I wasn't stupid - knew under-aged drinking happened, even at Charlotte's age. Hell, I'd done it myself. I wasn't okay with it and would never condone it but I'd be willing to let it slide because he was being honest with me. My lecture about drinking would wait for another day. But drinking and driving was not a negotiable offence. If Jacob admitted to driving home with someone who was drunk, or driving himself, breaking up with Rachel would be the least of his problems.

"Troy was the D.D. that night." Jake explained. Troy was one of his best friends and a really trustworthy kid. "Don't worry, he never drinks because he hates the taste of alcohol."

"Was that the illegal part you were talking about, or is there more?" Remembering his truth or dare conversation, I half wondered if he'd tried pot.

"Think the worst, why don't ya?" Jake snorted. "No, that's as bad as it gets. Well, besides the fact that my girlfriend kissed another guy." He ran his fingers through his hair and it stood up on end reminiscent of my own unruly locks.

"So, at the party, I was a little ... happy, you could say."

"You mean drunk?" I cocked him an eyebrow. "If you're going to tell me the story, Jake, tell me the whole truth none of this half bullshit."

"Okay. I was pretty drunk. And may or may not have been flirting with another girl. Rach got pretty pissed at me, to say the least."

The 'pissed' part included yelling, cursing and Rachel calling the other girl a name that I am ashamed to repeat. Let's just say it rhymes with bunt.

"Yeah, girls don't like their man flirting with other girls, that much I know for sure."

Jacob raised an eyebrow in my direction. "Is that experience talking?"

"Yes, it would be."

"Is there a story you want to share before I continue?"

I shrugged.

"Maybe it'll make me feel better." Insert puppy dog eyes and I caved, launching into the story.

"Well, your mom and I were already married and I was working at a sporting goods store. The customer's name was Gianna, and she was fairly attractive—"

"You mean she was hot?" Jacob pressed for details.

"She wasn't ugly and let's just say she wasn't dressed like she was going to a funeral. Gianna was asking me about an expensive set of golf clubs she wanted to buy for her fiancé. I could tell she had money – or was marrying into it – by the Rolex on her wrist and the huge rock on her finger."

I remembered it like it was yesterday.

"So, tell me again about these clubs?" The way Gianna trailed her long, manicured finger nail along my bicep made me uncomfortable but I worked on commission so I tried to ignore it.

"These clubs are good, if you're planning on nine holes at a second rate golf course. But if you want to have the best, play with the best, and be the best, I'd go for these." I took her by the elbow and steered her over to the display where we kept some of the most expensive brands the store had to offer. I launched into my spiel about why Mizuno was far superior to the Calloway's she was looking at. I passed her a club and she held it tentatively in her hand.

"I don't even know how to hold one of these putter things. Can you show me, Eddie?" She fluttered her fake eyelashes. They were ridiculously long and, truthfully, kind of scary, like she had tarantulas attached to her lashes. And I hated people calling me 'Eddie', especially blondes with over-processed hair and caked on make-up. I gritted my teeth as I went behind her to show her how to hold, and swing, the club correctly. Another thing I hated? Too much perfume. Gag.

Gianna pulled her hair to one side, exposing her neck, and giving me a clear view down her low cut top. Fake, definitely fake. She stuck her ass out, wiggling it against my groin and asked me to show her again.

I knew roughly what the commission on the golf clubs would be. Add that to what I'd already saved, meant I could afford to take Bella on a nice vacation. With that in mind, I turned on the charm and I flirted right back – with my words, not my actions.

"You're far too sexy for the Mizuno." My voice was low, and I prayed it sounded sensual and not stupid. "Perhaps you should purchase a 'Five Stars' putter for yourself." The five thousand putter had been in the store for months and all the staff had bets on which rich asshole with a small dick would buy it. Maybe it would be a rich asshole's fiancé who would splurge.

When she found out how much the putter cost, Gianna threw her head back, resting it against my shoulder and let out a laugh that was as fake as the rest of her. Of course, that was the exact moment Bella found us. She rarely came to the store but she had an early dismissal and wanted to surprise me. That she did.

"Shit, what did mom do?"

I laughed as I told my son what happened next, but trust me, it wasn't funny then.

"She threw a golf club at me. Thank God it was one of the cheapies and she had bad aim. Then she walked right up to Gianna and got on her tippy toes so she was eye level with her. In a low, growly, determined voice, your mom told her I was not interested in putting on her green any time soon."

"Go, mom!" Jacob praised.

"You've seen your mom mad a few times."

Jake snorted. "Yeah, maybe a few."

"But make her mad and jealous and she is a force to be reckoned with."

The night of the play, I first met jealous Bella but that was nothing compared to that moment. Seeing her when she was in the presence of whom she perceived was a threat, easily made her the sexiest jealous beast on the planet. Her brown eyes were dark slits and narrowed in anger. Her jaw was clenched, her hands balled into tight fists. Bella perceived Gianna as a threat and was prepared to fight for me. It was fucking hotter than hell. As a result, I was sporting some serious wood after that show down - and I'm not talking about the club in my hand.

"What did Gianna do?"

"She put her hands up and walked away – from me and the sale of those clubs - damn it." I laughed. "In the end, it all worked out. I explained to your mom that I was trying to make a sale to afford us a trip. She told me she'd rather be stuck at home eating PB&J than see me flirting with someone ever again. I apologized and we made up." I winked at Jake, pretty sure he was old enough to know what that wink implied, which was rough, and extremely gratifying, make up sex in the supply room of the store.

I got up and put a pot of water on for the noodles. "So, tell me about that night?"

Jacob continued his story. He didn't think he was flirting, more that he was just being friendly to a girl from another school. He didn't go into too much detail, but Rachel, who had also been drinking, was not impressed. She had stormed off and they each went home separately and didn't speak at all on Sunday or Monday at school. By lunch, Jake was hearing rumors around school about Rachel and some other guy. The two of them had skipped out of last class and Jake's practice to talk about what happened. That's when she had admitted that she'd hooked up with some guy at the party to get a rise out of Jacob.

I raised an eyebrow as I got the garlic bread ready. "Hooked up?"

"She kissed him, Dad. That's what she says anyways. She told me she only kissed him to make me as jealous as I'd made her."

"I guess it worked?"

Jake snorted. "Worked? I want to find him and punch his ugly, fucking face in."

"Woah! What's with the language in my kitchen?" Bella questioned as she walked in. She kissed the top of her son's head, and, seeing that something was wrong, put her arm around him. "Uh oh. That's not a face I like to see. What's going on?"

Jacob told the abridged version, leaving out the alcohol part, which Bella would be less understanding about then I had been. She was very sympathetic to Rachel, though, much to Jacob's chagrin. I was glad I had told him my story, so he could understand where Bella was drawing her emotions from.

"Girls do not take lightly to another woman infringing on their man. I'm not saying what Rachel did was right, but I can understand the hurt she was feeling. How did you leave things with her?" Bella's fingers lovingly played with the hair at the nape of his neck.

"That we're on a break, whatever the eff that means." Jacob looked downhearted.

Bella and I exchanged looks. It sucks to see your child hurting – whether it's a skinned knee or a broken heart – it shitty all the same.

"Do you love her?" Bella asked quietly and Jacob nodded.

"Fuck, yes."

"Then you have to fight for her. You have to apologize for your actions and hope she does the same for hers. You bring her flowers, declare your love for her, then kiss and make up."

Jake looked to me for confirmation.

"That's exactly what I was telling you to do earlier, son."

Okay, that was a big fat lie but I wanted Bella to think I was handling things just fine on my own. Jacob gave me that look again, calling me out on my bullshit.

"Oh for Pete's sake, just listen to your mother. We both know she's right. If you love Rachel, go get her back, boy." I took out my wallet and handed him a twenty. "Here, buy her some flowers, and not the fluorescent daisies at the 7-11 either."

He took the money with thanks then looked at me with begging puppy-dog like eyes. "I could win her back faster if I didn't have to take the number seven bus to her house."

Bella tried to hide her laughter.

"You're not taking my Beemer, but nice try." Jacob pouted and Bella handed over the keys to her Pathfinder.

"Thanks, mom, you're the best."

"Hey!" I protested but he was already long gone.

later that evening, Bella insisted I wait up for Jake to make sure he was okay. He came home at midnight, after his eleven p.m. curfew and was quick to apologize for being late. I waved it off and asked if everything was fine between him and Rachel. Jacob fought a smirk, unsuccessfully.

"Yeah, we made up."

I nodded, understanding and thankful it wasn't my car he'd borrowed. Before he went up to his room, Jacob reached into his pocket and handed me back seven dollars and some change.

"Here, it cost me a chocolate bar, a slurpee, and flowers. And thanks, Dad."

"No problem. Get some sleep, school tomorrow."

My boy was smart – flowers, chocolate and the kids' equivalent to wine. He was a fast learner.

The rest of the week was not without drama. Of course it wasn't. There was always something going on at chez Cullen. I tell you, the real life of E.A. Masen was less sex, more drama.

In our house, when you turned sixteen, you were permitted to go on real dates, one-to-one, instead of group ones. There were rules that the kids were given, though.

Jacob and I had a long, serious talk before his first official date. I reminded him to always be a gentleman — hold doors open, go inside to meet the parents, pay for the first date, for example. The biggest rule I implored him to follow was about respecting boundaries. I explained that girls may not realize how their attire can affect us on a deeper level but nothing gives permission to touch unless there was an invitation to do so. And no matter how 'involved' things got, if the girl said no, you stopped — immediately. Alternately, I explained that he could decline to go further if he didn't feel comfortable doing so. I may or may not have encouraged him to jerk off before a date so that things were a little more manageable. That was Carlisle's big brother advice to me and it helped, if only marginally.

Bella had the talk with the girls and discussed our, okay my, rules. If they wanted to go on a date, they had to make sure any suitor came inside to meet us first. If he honked his horn in the driveway, like a punk ass, I got to go out and speak to him. Chances were, after that happened, he'd have pissed his pants or would be too unnerved to go out. Heh, heh, mission accomplished.

Dating at sixteen was only a Friday or Saturday night event. Curfew was ten. That did not mean he pulled his car into the driveway at ten and they made out for an hour. It meant inside the front door at exactly ten o'clock.

Bella told me both girls okay with the first rules but were not pleased that I got the final say on the date outfit but that was a deal breaker for me. Nothing low cut, too tight and absolutely no skirts or dresses. Those meant easy access and I remember how convenient dresses and skirts were, back in the day. What was I talking about – back in the day? I still loved Bella in skirts, even better without panties for a quickie. You can understand why skirts were out of the question for my young daughters.

And of course, the girls were talked to about being pressured to do 'things' on a date. Simply because a boy paid for a meal, movie or bowling, did not entitle him to a kiss or anything more. He was entitled to a thank you at the end of the night. Anything more was at her discretion.

I was given rules to abide by as well. Regarding wardrobe, I had to be fair. Skinny jeans were 'in', turtlenecks and moo moo's were not. Nor was I allowed to unnecessarily interrogate someone, and was given a maximum of four questions to ask on the first date. With Leah, I learned to use them wisely and had my four set questions memorized.

One: What is your full name? (So I can Google search your ass later.)

Two: What is your home address? (Because if you hurt my daughter or bring her back in less than perfect condition, I will hunt you down and kill you.)

Three: What type of car are your driving and what is the license plate number? The girls both argued that was technically two questions but I insisted it was a compound question and therefore permitted. (It makes things easier for the police if they have that information.)

Four: Where exactly are you taking my daughter? And I want the address and phone number. (I may or may not have driven by a restaurant to check on Leah once or twice. Okay, it's been a total of four times but who's counting?)

That Friday night, Charlotte had her first official date. After several tries, we finally found an outfit we agreed on. I was thankful it was early December and the weather was cold so she opted to wear layers long sleeves, and unattractive Ugg boots.

When the doorbell rang, I answered it and was surprised to see Paul, Rosalie and Emmett's son, standing on my doorstep, looking somewhat uncomfortable in a leather jacket, button up shirt and jeans.

"Oh, hey, Paul. Jake's in his room, go on up." I gestured toward the stairs with my head and went to sit back down.

"I'm, uh, not exactly here to see Jake."

From behind me, Charlotte approached. I knew she had a date that night, but there was no connection in my head between Charlotte's date and Paul standing in my doorway.

"Paul's here for me, Dad. He's my date."

Bella and I looked at each other and I laughed.

"That's funny, it sounded like you said Paul was your date. Isn't that what you heard, Bella?" My wife nodded and said a polite hello to Paul

"Paul is my date, Dad."

"As in him? Paul? McCarty Paul?"

"Yes." Charlotte nodded her head emphatically.

"No." I declared with just as much certainly.

"Dad."

"Edward," Bella warned. I gave her a 'what the fuck?' look back.

"Excuse us, Paul. Edward and I need a few minutes to chat with Charlotte. Would you like to come in and wait in the living room?" Even though I glared at him, Paul chose to come inside while Bella all but dragged me to my office down the hall, closing the door behind us.

"Dad, you said I could date. I thought you'd be happy I was going out with someone you know."

"Oh, I know him all right. That guy out there is a player and a horn dog and you're not going out with him." Arms folded across my chest indicated it was not up for discussion.

Bella sighed. "What your father is trying to say, is that he's concerned because Paul's dated a lot and he's quite experienced."

"No, I'm concerned because he's a player and a horn dog."

"As I was saying." Bella shot me a look, "Paul's more mature, two years older than you. At your age, that makes a big difference, experience wise."

See, that's the difference between my wife and I. She uses words like 'experience wise' and I would have said 'he's fucked a bunch of girls and I don't want you to be the next notch in his bedpost.'

When I snorted, Bella jabbed her elbow into my side. Time to be serious, I could do this. I uncrossed my arms, letting down my guard and faced my daughter.

"Truthfully, Char? I'm not sure you would be able to say 'no' to his advances." I braced myself for her verbal retaliation.

"I guess Paul does have a reputation about him."

Wait a second, there wasn't a hint of attitude or snark in her voice. What the hell? I furrowed my brow and made a production of looking around her.

"Uh, Dad? Are you okay?"

"Who are you and what have you done with my daughter? My Charlotte would fight me on this."

"I'm growing up, is all." She looked proud of herself, holding her head up high and tossed her hair off her shoulders. "If I want you to treat me like an adult, I need to talk to you calmly and rationally."

Bella smiled.

"I'm impressed," I admitted.

"Does that mean I can go out with him tonight?"

"Yeah, no."

Char rolled her eyes at me, apparently not as grown up as she thought. I wanted to explain my rational.

"Listen, Charlotte. I get that there are sixteen year old boys your age who would try something with you, hell, a couple of them already did. And I trust that you are able to stop them if they try something you aren't comfortable with. But I don't know if you'd be able to resist Paul's advances."

"I've been hanging out with him a lot at Auntie Rose's house lately and he really is a nice guy. He's reputation is just that, it's a persona someone labeled him as and he's never corrected."

I snorted then apologized. If Charlotte was going to be grown up, the least I could do was try. I cleared my throat.

"Are you telling me Paul's still a virgin?" I probably should have tried harder to hide my sarcasm.

Charlotte blushed. "I don't know! Geez, Dad. I'm just saying he's not as wild as everyone says he is."

"Uh huh, sure."

Charlotte gave an exasperated sigh. "So, can we go out tonight or not?"

Bella raised her eyebrows at me in question. I sighed as I cracked my neck, debating.

"Where are you going?"

"To watch a movie."

"Watch a movie or 'watch a movie'?" Bella and I 'watched' a lot of movies when we were dating. Movies are cheaper than hotel rooms, just sayin'.

"Actually watch a movie." My daughter returned with her famous eye roll.

"Curfew is what time?"

"It's ten o'clock and not one minute later." Charlotte mimicked my voice and I had to chuckle at her accurate depiction.

Then she broke out the triple threat: batting eyelashes, sweet smile, and sugary sounding "Please, Daddy?" And I fucking caved. When did I get so weak?

"He'd better not bring you home even thirty seconds late."

"Thank you!" Charlotte threw her arms around me in exuberant hug.

"Do I still get my four questions?" I wondered as we walked out of the office together to the living room. Bella shrugged as she and Charlotte exchanged glances.

"I guess that's fair," Charlotte told me. I rubbed my hands together excitedly. I had come up with four, very special questions for him.

Paul stood up as we entered the living room and nervously wiped his hands on his jeans. I went up to him, extending my hand and gripped him harder than I probably needed to. We all sat back down, Charlotte and Bella flanked Paul, almost like they were protecting him. I sat directly across from him so I could intimidate him with my protective father stare.

"Let's pretend we don't know each other. Right now, you're some kid who wants to take my daughter out on a first date, because really, that's what this is. My daughter and I have an agreement that I can ask any date four questions-"

"Within reason," Charlotte clarified, as she narrowed her eyes at me.

"Of course." I shook my head, like I was anything but reasonable. "One. Which theatre are you taking my young, sixteen year old daughter to this evening?"

Paul answered without hesitating. "The Landmark."

Good, I knew where that was. You know, just in case.

"Two. What's your favorite sport?"

It was a seemingly innocent question but it wasn't. If he said baseball, I knew I was in trouble – rounding the bases, stealing home, and the like. If he said bowling or darts, I knew he was lying. See, there is a method to my madness.

"I'm a hockey guy. Go Kings." Paul added somewhat sheepishly. Although I didn't agree with his team of choice, I was cool with hockey.

"Three. What car are you driving?" Because if he had borrowed Rosalie's mini van, there was no way in fucking hell he was taking my daughter out.

"I have the Echo tonight."

I nodded. Perfect - small, compact, cramped. Excellent.

"Last one, better make it a good one," Charlotte teased and Bella chuckled. I ignored both of them.

"Four. What base do you expect to get to tonight?"

"Daddy!"

"Edward!"

"Uh."

I quirked my eyebrow and waited for Paul to expand on the "Uh."

Charlotte glared at me as she stood up. "I think we should go so we're not late."

"I think that's a good idea," Bella agreed.

Paul stood up and addressed me. "Uncle E, the only base I want to make it to tonight is home, my home, safe and sound. I won't lay a hand on her because I don't want you to kill me."

I jerked my chin at him. "You're a smart kid. Char, see you at ten."

As they were leaving, Bella and I watched from the front stoop. Paul opened Charlotte's door, earning brownie points from Bella. I called him a suck up under my breath and my wife jammed her elbow into my ribs again, hard. Bella waved and told them to have fun. I rolled my eyes and shook my head in disbelief.

"Have fun? Really, Bella? Why not pass them a condom next time."

"Oh, relax." My wife rolled her eyes at me. Perhaps I was kind of, sort of, being a tad melodramatic but that was my baby girl driving away in a car with a boy. Who had a penis. One he knew how to use. Oh God, I was going to hyperventilate.

"Come on, since all the kids have dates tonight, I'm going to let you take me out to dinner too."

"I don't feel like eating."

"Stop whining, you big baby. Grab a jacket, we're going out and it's not up for debate."

Just as I could intimidate dates, Bella could effectively bust my balls. Without further adieu, I grabbed my jacket and my keys and took my wife out for dinner at a local pub. We ordered appetizers to share and a beer each to start.

As with any other meal without the kids, the conversation turned to …. the kids, of course. We reminisced for hours about how fast the kids had grown. Leah was in college, Jacob was in his last year of high school, and our youngest was out on her first date. With a boy. Who had a penis. One he knew how to use. I ordered another beer to dull the pain.

Bella and I chatted and one beer turned into five, maybe even six, I can't remember. And that was just my share. What I do remember is that Bella had to drive home because I'd had one (or five) too many and we arrived home after eleven. I'd missed Charlotte's curfew. How would I ever know if they arrived home on time or not?

Bella and I walked – okay, she walked, I stumbled a little – into the house. The hall light flipped on and we were face to face with all three of our kids, arms folded across their chests, smirks plastered on their faces.

Jacob looked at his watch and shook his head disapprovingly at me like I'd done to him many a time.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk." Leah winked as she scolded. "Getting home a little late, don't you think?"

"And what, you couldn't call?" Charlotte chastised, using my own line against me.

I laughed and threw my arms around my kids. "You caught us, coming in after curfew. Shame on us."

"Dad, you smell like a brewery," Jake laughed. "Are you drunk?"

"Pfffff, no. I'm happy." I quoted his line and he laughed. "I'm so glad we're all home together. I love you kids. Let's go in the kitchen and grab a snack. Tell me all about your dates." I walked them into the kitchen and spent the next hour chatting candidly with them.

"Char, were you home by ten?" I tried to lift an eyebrow but in my inebriated state found it difficult. I disappointed myself – it should have been second nature by now.

"I was home at exactly ten."

"She was," Jacob confirmed. "And they only spent ten minutes parked out front making out."

"What?"

"He's kidding, Dad. Jake, please, tell him you're kidding." Charlotte begged. Big brother shrugged and that was right about when Bella ushered me off to bed. I planned on sneaking out of bed later in the night to interrogate a sleeping Charlotte. Unfortunately, I passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

When did I turn into such a lush?

**Thank you for reading! **

**Edward may or may not have a typed list of rules for dating his daughters. Sneaky as he is, he somehow manages to get the list into any suitor's possession. Leave me some love and I'll in box you the rules!**

**Next up: Edward has some time with Rosalie and baby Ethan.**

**Still to come: Jealous-ward...**


	19. Chapter 19

**Thanks for putting my story on alert, favored and/or left me a review from last chapter! Each and every comment made me happy. It cracks me up when you quote your favorite Edward lines. I think "My baby girl was driving away in a car with a boy. Who had a penis. One he knew how to use" may have been the winner last chapter! I wonder which one will make you laugh this time?**

**My sincere thanks to Lolo84 for being my pre-reader once again! Let's read about Edward, Rosalie and Ethan hanging for a few hours!**

* * *

**Chapter 19**

I had a busy day ahead – breakfast meeting with Rosalie, a dental appointment and errands to run. I dropped Jacob and Charlotte off at school at eight-thirty then stopped in at the Bucks. I picked up two Venti coffees (and why can't I just ask for large?) and breakfast sandwiches on my way to chez McCarty for my meeting with Rosalie. I'd done the revisions to my first ten chapters and had ten more for her to look over. The story was good, if I can say so myself. It was by far, my most explicit book but still had a plot. I couldn't wait to discuss it and get some feedback.

When I arrived, Rosalie answered the door, looking tired but gorgeous as always. Okay, that's a lie, she looked like shit. There were bags under her eyes, she had no make up on, and her hair was tied back in a low ponytail. Her sweat pants were baggy and she wore a wrinkled, probably slept in and puked on, tee shirt. I gave her a careful hug in greeting, balancing the coffees and brown paper bag with the sandwiches as I did. The faint smell of baby vomit wafted up my nose and I pulled back from the embrace. Didn't miss that in the slightest.

Rose invited me inside, and I followed her to the kitchen where the baby was in a bouncy seat on the kitchen table, fast asleep. I tickled Ethan's little feet as I sat down at the table, passing the tired mama a coffee as I did. She all but snatched it out of my hand.

"Bless you for this. The little guy was up all night. He's got his days and nights mixed up; it sucks." Rosalie ripped open the take-out bag and immediately scarfed down the sandwich. "Oh my God, this is the best thing I've eaten in days," she told me, with her mouth full. I laughed, remembering the days of having a newborn all too well. Bella and I had cold cereal and milk for supper more times than I could count.

"How can this little cutie be any trouble at all? May I?" I looked at Rosalie, asking permission to lift him out of the seat.

"Be my guest, but if he cries, correction, when he cries, he's all yours. Are you going to eat that?" She nodded towards my untouched sandwich. I waved it off to her as I lifted Ethan out.

"He's grown so much already, look at him," I exclaimed. He was still tiny but so much bigger than even the week before. His cheeks had filled out and his head felt less floppy.

"Probably because he's attached to my boob sixteen hours a day. He alternates between marathon nursing and non-stop crying. He redeems himself in moments like these."

"You know, I still tuck the kids in at night and watch them sleep. Sometimes, it's the only time I like them."

Rosalie chuckled at my admission. "I totally get that - only a parent would. Probably shouldn't let them know that though."

I agreed. "Some things parents should keep to themselves."

"So, I shouldn't tell Ethan he was a mistake?"

"With a sixteen year gap between him and Megan, I'm pretty sure he'll figure it out. How's it going anyways, with the older kids?" I asked, as I took a sip of my coffee.

"It's good. Adam's only here on weekends and spends most of his time with Leah when he's home. Megan's still indifferent. She'll hold him if absolutely necessary. If she ever has sex, I can bet she will be using birth control because I don't think she wants a baby any time soon. Paul puts on a good show when Charlotte's here but otherwise he's off in his own world. I've been meaning to ask, how are you feeling about that, you know, Paul and Charlotte dating?"

I scrubbed my hand over my face and grunted. Rosalie was my friend, so she understood what my concerns were without me having to spell them out.

"I don't know, honestly. Paul's seems to be a lot like Emmett, ya know?" Em's past was no secret.

"I'll have you know, Adam sat his brother down and had a very serious heart to heart with him before they went out on their first date."

"Adam? Not Emmett?"

"Oh, Emmett did too but his talk was a little more fatherly. With a stern voice and an intimidating look he said 'Keep your dick in your pants' and 'don't fuck this up or you'll have me and Uncle Edward pounding your ass.'" Rosalie mocked Emmett's voice and I laughed because she did a pretty good impression of him.

"Adam talked to him about boundaries and not pressuring Charlotte to do anything. He really stressed building on their friendship first and foremost. I only know because I was standing outside Paul's room eavesdropping."

"Adam's a good kid, I like him. Even if he is sleeping with my daughter and tried to blackmail me."

"What?" Rosalie's high-pitched screech startled Ethan and his hands flung up, rigid in the air, but he stayed sleeping.

"You do know they are sleeping together, right?"

Rosalie shook her head. "No, but I suspected as much. Adam's pretty private about things. I'm surprised Leah told you."

"She didn't, in so many words." I went on to tell her about the last night of our vacation and how, since then, Leah had talked to Bella openly. I didn't wish to know any more of the details, what I knew was already too much information.

"Where does the blackmailing come in?"

I told her the story of how Adam found out about me when my computer crashed and the subsequent blackmailing attempt. Rosalie laughed and told me she never expected that from him. We both agreed Adam was completely trustworthy, but I admitted to being a little skeptical about Jacob.

"He knows too? Edward." Rosalie shook her head at me. "You've kept it a secret for twenty years only to be outsmarted by teenagers."

"They are smart little fuckers. Speaking of which, back to Paul. Charlotte is under the impression that he isn't as experienced as I think he is." I cocked her an eyebrow.

Rosalie sighed. "I found a box of condoms in his room last year and he admitted to me he's slept with two girls. Are there more? Possibly, probably. I don't know. All I can do is implore that he uses condoms. I can't have Ethan being an uncle before he's a year old."

"Can you also implore that he doesn't stick his dick in my daughter? Or worse, break her heart?" I all but begged.

"I'll see what I can do." Rose gave me a shy smile.

We were quiet for a moment while we sipped our coffees.

"How's Emmett? Haven't seen him in a while. We should get together for a beer, maybe make it a boys night with Jasper and Carlisle."

At the mention of her husband's name, Rose grunted and rolled her eyes.

"Trouble in paradise?"

"You remember how it is with a newborn in the house. You're both completely exhausted because the baby wakes you up three, four, five times a night."

"I don't miss that at all."

"Thanks, Edward."

"Sorry. Go on."

"Last night, Emmett pretended to be asleep so he didn't have to get up with the baby even though there was pumped breast milk in the fridge. I could have really used at least two hours of uninterrupted sleep last night. Men!"

"Hey, don't glare at me!" I balked.

"Sorry, you are the same species, after all."

"You forget I was Mr. Mom pretty early on, so it was me who was in your position and Bella was the one pretending to sleep." Rosalie's expression softened as she realized I understood all too well.

"There's also the whole lack of connection between us."

I smirked when she said that.

"No, not just sex, although I miss that too. I miss having dinner together and being able to talk about our day without juggling a crying baby in one arm. I know it won't be like this forever, but, damn it, I really don't want to smell like baby puke all the time. I can't even remember the last time I had a shower and shaved my legs. The glorious life of a mom, huh?" Rose laughed but I saw her wipe away a tear.

"Why don't you go have a shower, I'll watch Ethan for you."

"You don't have to do that. I'm a little over-emotional right now, stupid post partum." She swallowed hard as she tried to wave it off.

"Hey, look at me."

Rosalie lifted her watery, pale blue eyes to meet mine.

"I don't mind. Ethan and I will be fine. It's just a shower. I'm not offering to adopt the kid."

"Really?"

"Absolutely. We can go over the revisions and talk about the new chapters afterwards. Go on, grab a shower and shave your legs. Put on some make-up and an outfit you feel good in. Take your time, I'm sure we'll be just fine, won't we, little buddy?" The bundle in my arms gave a content little sigh. How hard could it be, considering he was fast asleep.

Rose looked at the clock, telling me Ethan had just eaten and should sleep for a while. I reassured her we'd be fine and before I could offer again, she was kissing my cheek and running upstairs. It's amazing how something as ordinary as having a shower, could really make someone's day.

I took my phone out of my pocket and called my dental office to change my appointment. Even though there was a late cancellation fee, I still opted to change it. Some times, a friend just needed you more than your teeth needed cleaning.

While Rosalie was in the shower, Ethan and I hung out. Still asleep, he grabbed onto my finger with his tiny hand and held on for dear life. I smiled down at him, and rubbed my hand over his fuzzy head and was rewarded with a smile. Yes, it may have been gas, but it was still cute.

Isn't it amazing how your priorities change when you're holding a baby? I wasn't thinking about the errands I had to run or working on my book. Having Ethan in my arms slowed me down and I stopped for a moment appreciating how precious life truly was. There's a reason humans don't give birth to temperamental two year olds - besides the whole massive head fitting through a vaginal opening issue - babies are a nice way to start people.

When he started to fuss, I was momentarily stumped but it's funny how fast things come back to you. I turned Ethan so he was facing out and walked around the kitchen with a bounce to my step. Doesn't every parent learn the bouncy walk early on? As I paced, I pointed out family pictures and other miscellaneous things around the kitchen until he crashed again, probably from sheer boredom.

As I cradled the sleeping babe in my arms, I swayed back and forth— another trait parents do instinctively. With all three kids, I had spent countless hours either pacing the floor, swaying back and forth, or singing softly. What worked for Leah, didn't work for Jacob or Charlotte. And when you thought you had them figured out, they'd switch things up – wasn't that always the way? Kids I tell ya!

Leah loved to be swaddled up tight, like a burrito baby, and swayed back and forth. Sometimes, I thought she'd get sick from it but the faster I did it, the more content she was.

My boy loved to be bounced. My quads were in top condition when he was an infant, I did it so much. Sometimes I wonder if all that shaking did something to his brain – it would explain so much.

Then there was Charlotte – my snuggle bug. She loved, and I mean loved, to be held. She didn't care about the bounce or the sway. She only wanted to feel connected at all times – Bella being her top choice. We joked that the doctors forgot to cut the cord with her. She was usually fine with me as long as Bella was out of sight. Then one day, out of desperation to keep Char quiet while Bella got a much needed nap, I started to sing. She looked up at me, bewilderment in her eyes and was so enthralled, she stopped crying. From that moment on, she was daddy's little girl. Well, until she turned fourteen and I became the anti-Christ.

In my arms, Ethan started to fuss again and then the stench hit me.

"I guess it would be mean to let you sit in your own shit, huh?" The baby scrunched up his face and I smiled at the adorableness. In the corner of the kitchen, there was a mock change station set up on the telephone table with all the necessities. I set Ethan down on his back and pulled his sleeper apart, the snaps quickly came undone. The left him in a onesie that cracked me up. I laughed as I read it out loud.

"'All mommy wanted was a backrub,' huh? Well, maybe mommy should have insisted daddy get his balls snipped years ago. Shit, I probably shouldn't have said balls. Or shit. Sorry, kiddo. Okay, let's see how bad it is."

I literally gagged when I opened the diaper and saw the mustard yellow shit, which was exactly the word I uttered.

"Good God, child. What the hell is your mother feeding you?"

Right about then, Ethan peed; the warm liquid hit me square in the chest. I chastised myself for forgetting the carnal rule of changing little boys – cover the penis at all times. Baby penis plus air equaled urine, Jacob taught me that.

Keeping one hand on his stomach, I maneuvered myself out of my pee soaked tee shirt, tossing it onto the floor, leaving me bare chested. I rolled my eyes at myself —Rosalie was going to have a good laugh when she came back down.

After using an entire box of wipes – no exaggeration – Ethan was almost clean. The new diaper went on easy enough, although it might have been on backwards, I wasn't entirely sure. At least his penis was covered and that's what mattered most. Ethan started fussing so I gave up on trying to button the onesie and focused on the hard part – doing up the hundred tiny snaps of the friggin sleeper. It took me three tries and yet it still wasn't done correctly. I missed a snap in his crotch somewhere, but that was too bad.

After the urine and feces fiasco, I needed to wash my hands. I knew I couldn't leave him unattended on the counter but I didn't want to pick him up with my soiled hands either. Lifting my foot up to keep Ethan barricaded on the counter, I reached over to the sink to wash and dry my hands.

"Good as new!" I announced proudly to Ethan, who looked far from impressed. I figured with a new diaper he should be happy as a lark, right? Wrong. I picked Ethan up and he started fussing again. The sway and the bounce did nothing to appease him and I could tell by the way his mouth was rooting around, he was hungry. I was pretty sure I saw him eyeing up my nipple, you know, my sensitive one?

"I don't fucking think so buddy. Shit, I mean, sorry, little dude. I don't have the right equipment for you. Your mommy needed a break. Do you think you can hold out for a bit longer?"

Ethan responded unfavorably with a loud wail. I repositioned him so that he was up and over my shoulder – and far away from the temptation of my nipple - and softly shushed in his ear. My shushing turned into singing and soon enough, he was content again. Perhaps because he took a liking to the only song I could remember the words to – Poker Face by Lady Gaga. Maybe because he was grabbing onto my chest hair. I had to grin and bear it though, for fear of upsetting him again.

"Looks good on you, Uncle E," Rosalie smiled from the doorway. "Sorry, did he pee on you?"

"No, I got hot is all, thought I'd hang out shirtless."

Rosalie laughed at me, like I knew she would, before she ran back up stairs and grabbed me one of Paul's shirts, since Emmett's would be too big on me. Paul's wasn't much better but it would do.

"Thanks. You look good – almost human again," I teased.

Rose looked down, surveying herself with a scowl. "I don't know. Don't I look fat?"

Oh hells no. I hate that question. It ranked right up there with 'would you remarry if I died?' which is a no-win question. Know why? Because the conversation goes something like this:

"Edward, would you remarry if I died?"

Bella and I were lying in bed, with the lights out and I was almost asleep when the question literally came out of no where.

"No!" I said it nice and emphatically so she'd know she was my one and only.

"Why not? Don't you like being married?"

Are you kidding me? I glanced at the clock. It was midnight; I was tired and just wanted to go to sleep.

"I love being married. Fine, if you die I'll get remarried."

"Would she move in here?"

"Uh, I guess so, it's mine and the kids home." This conversation happened when the kids were all under the age of eight or so.

Through the dimly lit room I saw Bella nod. "Would you make the kids call her 'mommy?'"

"No."

"Would you take down all my pictures and stuff?" I was thinking it was all hypothetical so I answer honestly.

"Probably."

I'm such a dumb ass.

"Would you have sex in our bed?" I was oblivious to the underlying angry tone.

I snorted. "Where would you expect us to fu—"

At that point, I could feel the daggers from her eyes and desperately tried to back pedal.

"I mean no, of course not. On second thought, I'm never going to get re-married. Ever. I love you."

My 'I love you' was too late and my wife rolled over taking the blankets with her. When I reminded her we made a rule to never go to bed mad, she scoffed at me.

"I'm not mad, I'm hurt. There's a difference you know." I thought I heard her call me an asshole, but wasn't sure.

"Are you PMS-ing?" As the words came out of my mouth, my palm hit my forehead.

"Now I'm mad and hurt. Asshole." Loud and clear that time.

The ensuing argument went on until two in the morning. All over one simple sounding question. Don't worry the make up sex, where I proved to my wife that I was madly in love with her, made the whole fucked up conversation worth while.

I looked at Rosalie who was expectantly waiting for me to answer her 'do I look fat' question.

"Rose, you look beautiful. Tired, but beautiful." The way she smiled at me, I gave the right answer.

"You've been asked that before," Rosalie laughed, as she got both of us a tall glass of ice water. She took Ethan from me and we settled ourselves at the kitchen table. She nursed Ethan under a strategically placed blanket. Thank God.

"Did Bella ever tell you about the one time she asked me if I thought she looked fat?" I laughed but it wasn't funny twenty years ago.

"This I have to hear!" Rosalie held Ethan in place with one arm and took a sip of water with her other hand while I told the story.

Bella was wearing a sundress and critiquing herself in the full length mirror before we were to meet up with Jasper and Alice for a bar-be-que. I was on the bed, chilling with three-month old Leah. She was lying on her back, and I was lifting up her shirt, blowing raspberries on her bare belly. Leah was giggling and laughing something fierce; it was so freaking adorable. Then the dreaded question came.

"Do I look fat in this?" Bella turned from the mirror and looked at me with a sour look on her face, her hands poised on her hips. My wife had always been on the thin side and when she got pregnant, she started gaining weight (obviously), but she was all baby with Leah (well, belly and boobs). We both loved her being pregnant. The weight gain was never an issue for me – she was growing my child, she could gain a hundred pounds and she would still be perfect to me.

Three months later, she hadn't lost all her weight but she didn't look bad at all, she was still the most beautiful girl in the world to me. Hind sight – that should have been my response.

"Edward, do I look fat in this?" Bella repeated. I looked up at her and surveyed her outfit. The sundress was stretched across her breasts which were swollen, I guessed because it was time to feed Leah again soon. The material was a little snug over her belly then flared out, stopping at her knees. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Yeah, you look fine. I've seen you fatter."

Oh, stop calling me an idiot. I know now that it was a stupid thing to say but at the time, I thought it was a reasonable response.

"Excuse me?" Bella glared at me.

"Well compared to when you were pregnant, you look thin."

"Gee, thanks. That's kind of like me saying 'Hey, you know what, Edward, it's a good thing size doesn't really matter.'"

Ouch. That was a low blow...but she was kidding...right?

Bella pulled the dress over her head and stomped over to the closet in her bra and panties. Her body had definitely changed since the birth of our baby. She had more curves and looked more womanly to me, which I thought was super sexy. I also loved her body more because of what she went through to give me the beautiful baby girl I was snuggling with.

"I think you look good with a little extra meat on your bones." I truly meant that in the nicest way possible. I should really learn to just shut the fuck up. I was so far behind at that point, I thought I was ahead.

"That's your polite way of saying I'm fat, thanks."

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to. That's it, I'm not going. Call Alice and Jasper and tell them I'm sick."

"You know, Rosalie, I spent the next forty-five minutes trying to talk myself out of the hole I'd dug. If you asked me, I think the 'Do I look fat in this' question should be outlawed, plain and simple."

"After I had Adam, Emmett told me that yes, I was heavy, but that meant there was more of me to love. It went over as well as your convo with Bella."

"Yeah, some questions should not be asked. 'Is she prettier than me' would be on that list."

Rose laughed. "How about 'Which of my friends would you sleep with?' Emmett once asked me that."

"You're kidding me!"

Rosalie shrugged. "We drink sometimes, what can I say?"

"Did you answer him?"

"I narrowed it down to two." She shrugged noncommittally.

"You can't leave it at that! Fess up."

"It came down to you and Jasper."

"I made the short list, I'm not sure if I should be weirded out by that or not."

Rosalie laughed nervously while I scratched my head. I wondered if Bella would want me to remarry Rosalie if she died? Would that be weird? Wait, that would have to mean that Emmett died, that would suck, he was such a cool guy. Unless they divorced. But then I couldn't marry Rose because if Em found out, he'd kick my ass.

As my mind rambled, the uncomfortable silence crept in. Rosalie cleared her throat.

"So, about your novel, let's take a look, shall we?"

Just like that we got back on track, thank God.

A few hours later, as I was leaving Rosalie's house, Emmett called to tell her he was going to be home late. I saw her face fall and the misty eyes were back. She admitted that she really counted on Em coming home to give her a break. Ethan's 'witching' hour was from five until eleven and entailed six solid hours of crying and fussing. When I offered to come back later, she declined. With her brave face on, she told me she could survive until Emmett came home. I hugged Rosalie and kissed baby Ethan, whispering for him to be good for his momma.

I called Emmett when I got to my car and suggested he pick his wife up some flowers on his way home that evening.

"Why? Am I in trouble?"

I chuckled. "I don't think so. Rose looked kind of down today and if you want some brownie points, flowers would be a good idea."

"Thanks for the heads up. I owe you one, buddy."

"No problem, that's what friends are for."

Little did I know, I'd have to collect on that favor in only a few weeks.

* * *

**Edward doesn't collect next chapter only because we get to meet jealous Edward next instead :)**

**Hands up if you've been peed on by the penis + air = urine. Both mine are up!**

**Please review because it makes me stupid happy! How about another short teaser from the following chapter if you do?**


	20. Chapter 20

**Thank you all for reading my story. I truly appreciate you taking the time to review. I promised you Jealousward and he's going to round out the chapter. First up though, Edward remembers Bella with PPD. This was hard for me to write because this comes from the real life of me. My daughter was over a year when I was diagnosed. My best advice to anyone is don't suffer. You deserve to feel happy. Despite what Tom Cruise says, medication saved me. So, this chapter starts a bit heavy but I'll end on a light note, I promise. Lolo84 - thank you for being my guide on this journey xo.**

**Chapter 20**

Driving home from Rosalie's house, I couldn't get her off my mind. To be honest, I was worried about how she was doing. Maybe it was the culmination of several sleepless nights, a mixed up baby, and lack of proper nutrition that had her down but maybe it was something more. I made a mental note to check on her soon and to have Bella do the same.

I'd seen the brave face Rose had put on as I was leaving her house before - on my own wife. The façade of having everything under control fooled me for months. After all, Bella had returned to work when Charlotte was barely three months old and she appeared to be handling things perfectly. Sure, sometimes she was short fused at home but hell, I would be too if I were with kids all day and got no reprieve at home.

Then one day in mid-summer when Leah, Jacob, and Charlotte were five, three, and nine months old, her façade crumbled.

Back then, my now home office, was the kid's playroom (not that they ever used it). Trying to write in the kitchen with the little's running around was next to impossible. If I were writing anything but romance, I could have probably ignored the noisy beasts, I mean children. But I wasn't, I was trying to write porn, with the kids literally running circles around me. The last thing I wanted to do was procreate, let alone write a scene about it.

I was on a deadline trying to wrap up on a book that was set for print in early fall. As a result, I was putting in long hours at the office, which left Bella alone with the children while I worked. Most days, things at home were fine. Until one day it wasn't.

It physically pained me as I thought back to the day when Bella literally crumbled in my arms, rendering me completely helpless. I had come home from the office only to find the house in shambles and hell – meaning Bella - about to break loose.

Leah was coloring directly on the kitchen table. Jacob was filthy, helping himself to marshmallows straight from the bag, and Charlotte was red faced, screaming her head off. Bella took one look at me and burst into tears. She handed me the baby and told me she needed half an hour to collect herself.

In that time, I managed to wrangle the marshmallows from Jacob, got both him and Leah a healthy snack, and put a Disney movie in the VCR. Simultaneously, I calmed Charlotte down enough that I could at least distract and confine her to the pack n' play before I went in search of my wife.

What I found broke my heart. Bella was a crumbled heap on the floor of the shower. Her hands wrapped around her legs, her head on her knees, and she was sobbing her heart out. Honestly, I didn't recognize her. I got into the shower, clothes and all, and sat down on the tile beside her. Thinking she just had a shitty day, I pulled her to me, enfolding her into my arms. I tried to reassure her things were going to be fine. When her sobs became desperate, strangled, chest-heaving cries, I clued in that this wasn't just a bad day – something bigger was going on.

The water started to run cold but I didn't care. My only concern was taking care of my wife who was in obvious pain. I'd never seen her so vulnerable before. She had always been so strong - balancing home, work and time with friends – splitting her time perfectly between wife, mother, and friend. Only Bella could hold a crying Charlotte, read a story to Leah, and play smash up cars with Jacob at the same time.

But, in that moment, the woman I loved was broken. The worst part was I didn't know how to fix it. I pride myself on being able to fix things – leaky faucets, plugged drains (a common occurrence with three girls with long hair in one house), the occasional Barbie with a severed limb (courtesy of Jacob, of course) but a broken Bella? I was at a loss. Not knowing what to do, I quietly shushed her, wishing I had words of encouragement. Instead, I held her while she cried.

I have no idea how long we stayed like that, rocking and crying – both of us at that point. It probably wasn't all that long since Jacob didn't get into any trouble but it felt like a lifetime.

After a while, I reached up and turned off the taps then helped Bella stand up. She let me wrap a bath sheet around her and I carried her in my arms to our bedroom, laying her down on our bed. Bella turned onto her side in a fetal position, no longer crying but almost hiccupping - quick, shallow breathes she took every few seconds. It sounded like she was still crying but at that point, she was simply out of tears and energy.

As I struggled to get out of my soaking wet clothes and into something dry, I yelled down to the living room to see if the kids were okay. Five-year old Leah told me all was well and that Charlotte was 'actually happy.'

"Of course she is, she's glad she's not around me," Bella sobbed and I looked at her, confused. I sat on the bed next to her as she started to explain.

"I can't do this, Edward, and I don't know how you do this every day. I'm a fucking kindergarten teacher and I can't handle my own three kids. As soon as you left, Charlotte started screaming bloody murder and kept it up the whole time you were gone. Jacob dumped the entire box of Rice Krispies on the floor and proceeded to whip out his penis to pee on them. When I asked what the hell was he doing he told me he wanted to hear them snap, crackle, pop."

I snorted at my three-year-old's antics. It was a good thing he was cute because he probably wouldn't get through life on his smarts.

"When Leah knocked over her glass of milk, I fucking lost it. I yelled, and I mean yelled, at her and then Jake. My screaming scared the bejesus out of Charlotte and she started wailing even more. Then Leah told me I was the worst mommy ever and Jacob agreed. Although he added the word 'stupid' to the mix too."

"No, you're not—"

"Yes, I am. Leah's five and I yelled at her for accidentally spilling her milk. And I'm sure I called Jacob a name and I told Charlotte to shut up. I told my baby to shut up! Oh my God! What the hell is wrong with me? When did I get to be a terrible mom with horrible, misbehaving kids?" Bella looked at me, her brown eyes dark with a sadness I'd never seen before. I wiped at the tears that were again streaming down her somber face.

"Listen to me. Bella, you're not a terrible mom and Leah, Jacob, and Charlotte aren't bad kids. You all just had a bad day at the same time."

Bella frowned at me.

"You know, I have shitty days, too? Days where Charlotte is clingy, Leah is an over-bearing mother hen and Jacob, well, he's just plain old unscripted. Although pissing on Rice Krispies is a new one." I winked at Bella and I saw her smile, if only a little.

"This will be funny in twenty years, you know that?" I offered, bumping shoulders with her and Bella snorted.

"I don't know if I'll ever find it funny. I feel like shit. Honestly, I feel so empty. I have three, amazing babies and right now I want to walk away from them. Do you know how fucking awful that is to admit? Edward, I'm a complete, fucking failure to my own children. I have to go back to work in four weeks. How am I going to keep it together for my students when I can't handle being around my own kids?"

"Do you think, maybe, you have, um… what's it called? Post partum depression? You know, baby blues?" I shrugged as I asked.

"Charlotte is nine months old, I don't think PPD takes that long to materialize. I think I'm just losing my mind." Bella wiped away at her tears and gave me a meek smile. "You're right, it's only a bad day. I'll be fine."

There was that mask again, but that time, I wasn't fooled. This was serious, my Bella would never feel so empty. I knew that if I couldn't help her, someone had to.

"I don't know. You've been like this for a while. Weepy;short fused. Why don't I ask Carlisle his thoughts?"

"Yeah, great. Tell your brother that I'm a fucking nut job, awesome. Meanwhile, Esme has twins and manages perfectly fine. Apparently, I suck at being a mother."

Leah calling up the stairs interrupted us. Damn it!

"Daddy! Jacob just put a marshmallow into the VCR."

"No, I didn't. It was a fruit roll up." He sounded proud of himself.

"Daddy?" Leah sounded more frantic and then Charlotte started screaming. Unfortunately, our conversation would have to be continued later. I sighed and scrubbed my hand over my face. I was torn between helping my wife and saving my house from destruction.

"I'd better go deal with the heathens. Let me take the kids out for dinner so you can enjoy some quiet time. We'll talk about this after they're in bed, okay?" Bella nodded and managed a quiet 'thank you.'

"We'll find a way to make things better okay? I promise."

I kissed her and headed downstairs.

"Dad! Jacob's trying climb into the playpen with Charlotte!"

"Jacob, don't you dare!" I threatened as I stomped down the stairs. "Hey, who wants to get some pizza and eat at the park tonight?"

My older two readily agreed and Charlotte clapped her hands excitedly, more happy to be let out of the temporary jail then at the prospect of pizza for supper. As I loaded the three little's into the car, I cradled my cell phone between my shoulder and ear and called Carlisle. My brother was more than willing to meet us after hearing the desperate tone in my voice.

At the park, the big kids gobbled down their slices of pizza, while Charlotte gummed the piece I gave her into a soggy mess. After dinner, the older kids ran off to play and Carlisle hung out with Charlotte and I at the swings. As I pushed and did a few under-ducks, we chatted.

I asked my brother what his thoughts were on what was happening with Bella. He listened intently as I described the crying sessions, the bouts of anger, her feeling like a failure, and her total melt down in the shower. I admitted that we weren't having sex as much either and it wasn't just because we were exhausted after a long day with the kids - Bella simply had no interested in doing it. Carlisle put his arm around me comforting me as he told me Esme went through the same thing and had been on medication for PPD for months already.

"Really? I had no idea. Esme always seams to have it so together."

"The meds help, a lot."

"But the baby is already nine months, is it really PPD so long after the fact?" I asked.

My brother nodded. "It can happen at any time. I'm sure Esme wouldn't mind going over and talking to her?"

I hummed and hawed over it, not sure if Bella would want to confide in Esme or not. But I was worried about my wife and gave Carlisle a head nod and he immediately called Esme. He reassured me that Bella was going to be fine, she just needed a little help and there was no shame in that.

When I got home an hour later, Esme's car was still in our driveway. I did bath and bedtime with the kids, alone, as Bella and Esme were locked away in our bedroom. I didn't want to intrude and yeah, I was a little worried Bella was going to be upset with me for talking to Carlisle. It was close to ten o'clock before Esme found me nursing a rum and Coke in the living room.

"How is she?"

Esme sat down on the sofa next to me and patted my leg.

"She's going to be fine. I'm coming over tomorrow to look after the kids while you take her to your family doctor. She knows that she needs some help."

"Is she mad at me? You know, for telling Carlisle?"

"No, sweetie, but she is embarrassed. It's really hard to try to be perfect and feel like you failed miserably. Go upstairs, your wife needs you tonight."

I thanked my sister in law and we embraced before she left. I took a deep breath and made my way up the stairs to my bedroom. That may have been the only night I didn't tuck the kids in before I went to bed – Bella needed me and that was my sole focus.

Bella and I really re-connected that night. Not in the physical sense, but by talking – about everything and any thing. She confessed she'd been struggling for a long while but didn't want to tell me because she knew I was under the restraint of a deadline. I told her my book could wait even if it meant it didn't get published. Bella was my life; when my soul mate was hurting, I was hurting. We agreed that night to always be honest with one another and we fell asleep, wrapped in each other's arms. The next morning, I made love to her, slow and sweet, and we both cried after we finished. We'd been through a lot together but that was the day our emotions were the most raw.

As promised, Esme looked after the kids later that day while we went to the doctor who graciously fit us in. At first, Bella tried to downplay her feelings but the doctor looked at her expectantly, her head tilted to the left as she waited for the truth. Bella finally caved and admitted that she could use some help. We left the office with a prescription and Bella feeling better than she had in months.

The medication worked wonders for her. Bella told me it felt like it took the edge off without making her feel weird. Within weeks, she was her old self again, much to my relief. I never wanted to see my wife look as broken as she had that day in the shower ever again.

The car behind me honked, jolting me out of the memory. Shaking my head, I waved my apology and stepped on the gas. Bella was still on my mind though. Looking at the clock on the dashboard I noticed it was noon — I had enough time to swing by and surprise Bella at her school.

When I got to Shoreline Elementary, I dodged rowdy kids in the hallways and signed in at the office. Then I headed to Bella's first floor classroom, where I knew she ate lunch - she always hated the staff lunchroom where everyone gossiped away the hour.

Outside her classroom I peered through the glass door. Bella was sitting at a table on a low kids chair, her legs stretched out in front of her. She was wearing a dress with buttons down the front that almost looked like one of my dress shirts. She paired it with black tights, leggings, whatever they were called, and black, knee-high boots. She looked beautifully understated; I could only imagine how many of her students had crushes on her. Don't worry, I'm not the jealous type - I was perfectly okay with five and six year olds thinking my wife was hot.

As I continued to gawk at her, Bella laughed, the sound muffled by the closed door and the chaos of kids around me. With her head tipped back, her hair fell down her back in soft waves. The smile on her lips was genuine and reached up to her eyes. In my mind, I saw the sparkle in them and in that moment, her beauty made my heart beat a little stronger. Simply seeing her, made me smile.

Naturally, I assumed she was having lunch with Alice, as they often did, and then I saw _him_. He was looking at her like I look at her – inappropriately. No, it wasn't a student, obviously I wouldn't be jealous of a five year old. I could take someone that size.

This was no five year old. He was a grown man with chest hair and everything. And I knew that because the top three buttons of his shirt were undone and the mohair sweater undershirt was clearly visible. His chest cleavage needed some serious manscaping.

He was sitting with his butt resting on the tabletop, looking rather comfortable, too comfortable, if you ask me. He leaned forward and said something that made Bella laugh again. I was pretty sure I saw his eyes glance at her chest. It was then that I figured out why he was sitting like that and not in a chair. He was in a perfect vantage point that he could look directly down Bella's top.

Son of a bitch.

When he leaned across the table and brushed his fingers against her cheek with a stupid ass smirk on his face, I almost punched the door, wishing it was his pretty little face. I barged into the classroom without hesitation. Bella quite literally jumped up as did Inappropriately Dressed Douche Bag.

"Edward! Hi, what a nice surprise!"

I closed the gap from the doorway to them in four, long strides. Protectively, my arm went around Bella's waist and I pulled her close. Keeping an eye on fuck face, I planted a passionate kiss on her lips. I always think kissing with your eyes open is kind of creepy and weird but as I kissed Bella, was sizing him up. Normally, I didn't greet her like that at her place of employment but I felt the need to stake my claim, so to speak. My action caught Bella by surprise and she pushed me away with her hands on my chest, a confused, almost embarrassed look on her face.

"Laurent, this is Edward—"

"Her husband," I finished for her coolly, both eyebrows raised.

The Laurent character extended his hand to me. I looked at it with a deadpan expression and then at him as I gave him the cool once over. Besides his wanna-be-gigolo shirt, his hair was too long, his teeth too white, and his dress pants didn't match his shoes.

I narrowed my eyes at him and made absolutely no effort to remove my arm from around Bella to shake his hand. His arm retracted and I thought I heard him stifle a laugh.

"Edward, Bella's told me a lot about you."

"Odd because my _wife_ hasn't mentioned you at all." I made sure 'wife' was very pronounced for his benefit.

"Of course I have. Laurent's been my student teacher since September."

"No, Laurie's been your student teacher since September." I looked at Bella expectantly, waiting for her to explain. Instead, I-want-to-fuck-your-wife intervened.

"Legally, I'm Laurent but I go by Laurie. I'm sure you probably go by Eddie."

I was sure I hated him.

"No, I don't. Ever. I don't believe I caught your last name?"

"I don't believe I gave it to you." With his cocky little grin on his lips, he raised one eyebrow back at me.

Now, Mr. Fucking Idiot was really getting on my nerves. I stepped in front of Bella, lining myself up with the enemy. I may or may not have growled at him under my breath.

Before I could threaten him, the classroom door was flung open and a little girl came running in, her strawberry blond curls flying behind her.

"Mrs. Cullen! Mrs. Cullen! Riley's hurt, he's got a bleeding nose!"

Cue who I assumed to be Riley staggering into the room, hands over his nose, blood gushing out. Remember, Edward Cullen and blood don't mix and I felt mine drain from my face and my knees started to go weak. Fucking hell, I was such a pussy and Laurent the Loser knew it. I saw him snort, mocking me, the little bastard.

Bella crouched down and gave Riley some Kleenex. "You okay, slugger?" Her voice was full of concern. I was trying hard to hold it together and still glare at the man who thought he had a snowball's chance in hell in getting with my wife.

Riley nodded. "I'm okay. The ball got me good."

Bella rubbed his back. "I can see that. I'm going to have Mr. Silverman take you to the nurse, is that okay?"

Riley nodded while I repeated the last name in my head so I could Google search his ass later.

"Edward." Laurent spat my name curtly as he brushed passed me. I jutted my chin at him but said nothing verbally. Hard to talk when you're clenching your jaw.

"Mallory, thank you for letting me know. You can go play again, okay, sweetie?" Bella stood up and smoothed her dress down with her hands.

"Okay!" The little girl paused and looked up at me. She gave me a shy smile and batted her eyelashes proficiently.

"Hi. You're cute."

I had no idea kids flirted so well at such a young age. Wow.

"Mallory." Bella warned with the authority of a teacher in a voice that would have turned me on if I hadn't been so pissed off and about to faint.

"Yes, Mrs. Cullen." Mallory dropped her head down, defeated, and walked out. Bella followed, closing the door behind her.

As soon as we were alone, I sunk down into the child-sized chair before my knees gave out.

"What was that about?" Bella demanded.

"You know the blood – it gets me every time," I explained. I tried to put my head between my knees but as it were, they were already up too high.

"Not that. What was that between you and Laurent?"

"Don't you mean Laurie?" I spat out his stupid name.

"Come here, sit at my desk, you need to put your head between your knees properly." Bella took me by the hand and brought me around to her desk and guided me to sit down in her chair.

"Put your head down," she commanded and I gladly listened. "Now, what was with the attitude?"

I looked at the floor between my legs and watched Bella's foot tap impatiently while she waited for me to explain myself.

"I don't like him."

"Why?"

"I just don't."

"Not good enough, Cullen."

"Fine. I didn't like the way he made you laugh."

"Other people can be funny, too, you know? You're not the only one with classic one-liners."

That pissed me off. I had the best one-liners.

"He was totally flirting with you. Did you not notice him ogling you?" I looked up at her with a scowl on my face.

Bella started to laugh. "Actually, Laurie's gay."

"Yeah, well, you'd make any gay guy want to switch teams."

"Edward Cullen, are you jealous?" She folded her arms across her chest, which pushed her breasts together and I was momentarily distracted by the nice view. Bella cleared her throat and waited for me to answer.

"I'm not jealous. I simply don't appreciate another man touching my wife – gay or not."

"Laurie didn't touch me."

"Uh huh he did. He reached his hand out and touched your cheek."

"For your information, he was wiping away glitter that was on me. We had some rambunctious kids during craft time this morning."

"Yeah, well, he didn't have to touch you." I mimicked her and crossed my arms over my chest.

Bella tapped her finger against her cheek where I'm-So-Gay had touched her. "It was my cheek, Edward, not my butt cheek. I think it's okay."

"It's never okay. And if he would have touched your ass, he would be a dead man right about now."

That was no joke.

"You're cute when you're jealous."

"I'm not jealous."

"Oh really? What was that then?"

I shrugged one shoulder and surveyed the ground. Bella tugged at my arms and held my hands when they were free. I looked up at her and may or may not have stuck my lower lip out a little.

Bella laughed. "You're even cuter when you try to pout."

I got up from the chair and rested my butt against her desktop. Gently, I urged Bella to come forward so she was standing between my legs.

"I'm not pouting. It's just that I'm supposed to be the one who makes you look that happy. No one else."

With one hand curved around her waist, my other brushed a lock of hair off her shoulder, leaving her neck bare. I cocked her an eyebrow before leaning forward to place a kiss on her neck.

"God, you're beautiful," I whispered into her ear, lightly nipping at her lobe. Now that I knew Laurie was gay, I felt much less threatened.

"Edward."

I pulled back and rolled my eyes at her warning tone. Obviously, I wasn't going to try anything right then. Even though her black knee high boots were ridiculously sexy and her dress was clinging to her hips. Even though I had a hundred and one fantasies about fucking my hot teacher wife over her desk. Although, in my fantasy, she was wearing a plaid skirt, a white button up blouse, sans bra and panties, and her hair was in low pigtails. I figured I could still make the fantasy work with what she had on. With a swoop of my arm, I could clear the desk with one hand and rip off her tights with the other.

Glancing at the clock, I figured I had about seven minutes. It would have to be a quickie, but I was confident I could get the job done. My lips twitched in anticipation but Bella shook her head.

"It's not going to happen."

Why, oh why, did she always have to resist? I did love a challenge, though.

"Consider it research for my book." I playfully kissed down her jaw line only to be interrupted by the shrill ringing of the bell.

"Saved by the bell," Bella joked. Her eyes glanced down at the obvious boner in my pants.

"In about sixty seconds, I have to let twenty kindergarteners in here and I would prefer not to explain erections to them."

I shrugged. "I can do sixty seconds but it may not be very good for you."

And, for the record, I was perfectly okay with that.

Unfortunately, the door was opened before Bella could take me up on my offer and Alice came bounding in.

"Bella, I was wondering…Oh hi, Edward." Alice eyed our position, and I kept Bella between my legs, mostly because I was holding her there to block my boner. I smirked because I was cock-blocking myself. Get it? Never mind.

Alice wasn't naïve and she smirked right back.

"Hey, Alice." I'm pretty sure my face looked like the Cheshire cat. "How you doin'?"

"Your 'Joey' still needs work, Edward. So, Bella, I was wondering if you wanted to bring your class over to work on an art project during last block. Buuut, I can see it may be better if I take your class for you now?"

"I love you, Alice!" I quipped. Bella smacked my arm and flatly said no, much to my chagrin.

"Jasper loves a little naughty teacher roll play, too. It's unfortunate you aren't wearing a plaid skirt today, Bella." She tsked at her and Bella rolled her eyes.

See, Alice understood me.

Shit, that kind of frightened me.

"Edward, I need to let my students in."

Translation: start thinking about your parents having sex, or anything equally disgusting to shrink the massive boner. Okay, massive is a bit arrogant but large doesn't quite measure up.

Bella shook her head at the grin that crept across my face, almost like she could read my dirty mind. She wriggled out of my embrace to open the door for her students as Alice waved goodbye and headed to her classroom down the hall.

Mrs. Cullen reminded the kids to walk in quietly and sit 'crisscross applesauce' on the carpet. Boner in check, I stood up and smiled at the twenty-odd faces as they did as they were told.

"Sit down everyone. Shhhh. If you can hear me, put your right hand in the air." Twenty little hands went up, although some were lefts. I noted that Laurent and bleeding nose kid weren't among them. I briefly thought I should apologize to Laurent for my actions. But, naaaaa.

"We have a very special guest this afternoon. This is my husband, Mr. Cullen. Can you all say hello to him?"

"Hello, Mr. Cullen." The little voices all said my name unison and I waved hi to them.

"Mr. Cullen is going to hang out with us for an hour or so."

"I am?"

Bella shot me a look.

"I am." I corrected myself.

"And we're going to sing a few songs first and then after show and tell, Mr. Cullen will have to leave. Are you ready to sing the welcome song?" Bella smiled deviously in my direction and motioned for me to come to the carpet. A little boy with a really bad haircut stuck his hand up and Bella called on him.

"But, Mrs. Cullen, we sang the welcome song this morning."

"We did, but I think our guest will really like this one. Ready everyone? Let's stand up so we can do the actions."

My wife is evil.

Bella grabbed my hand and forced me into the standing circle and the kids started to sing.

"Hey there neighbor, what do you say?" Bella stuck her hand out and shook my hand enthusiastically.

"It's going to be a wonderful day!" All the kids began waving to each other.

"Clap your hands and boogy on down." Little hands clapped together and they attempted to twist their bodies down low.

"Give a little bump and turn around." Bella bumped her hips against mine and did a little twirl.

I know it was wrong but damn, she was a hot teacher.

"That was great. This time, I really want to see you twist your bodies." Bella twisted all the way down. Her ass stuck out and yeah, I ogled it. I wasn't alone - I was pretty sure bad hair cut kid did the same.

"I really want to see you boogy down too, Mr. Cullen, I know you can do it."

I thought I liked her calling me 'Cullen' but I really enjoyed her calling me 'Mr. Cullen.'

We sang the song five times, changing up who we were shaking hands and bumping hips with. I have to tell you, that Mallory girl was going to be trouble in a few years, she could really swivel her hips.

We sang a few more silly songs, a few I remembered from when the kids were little. The Bear Went Over the Mountain, The Bumble Bee Song, and Down By the Bay. The kids thought it was funny that it took me a minute to come with something to fill in the blank after "for if I do, my mother would say—"

Bella had already spoken to one kid for saying "Have you ever seen a bee taking a pee?" citing it as bathroom talk which was inappropriate. If that was inappropriate, certainly "Have you ever seen a buck, trying to fuck?" or "Have you ever seen a moose fucking a goose?" were off limits.

"Uh….Have you ever seen a duck trying to drive a truck? Down by the bay!"

Apparently it was hilarious to five and six year olds that I had put in too many syllables and they dissolved into giggles and knee slaps.

"Settle down everyone, in five, four, three, two, one. Very good!" As Bella counted down, the giggles magically hushed. I never could figure out why kids never challenged what would happen after one was counted. Personally, I never had a plan for what would go down after that. I'd probably just yell or threaten them. Luckily, our kids weren't so smart at that age. Although, I had suspected it could still work with Jacob.

"Oh, look who's back. How are you doing, Riley?"

Riley nodded and Laurie led him over to the carpet where they both sat down opposite me. The student teacher was glaring at me something fierce. I wondered what he was so pissed about? Whatever.

"You're just in time for sharing. Because Mr. Cullen is our guest, perhaps he should go first." I gave my wife a cheesy smile, feigning to be thrilled.

"Who can tell me what today's sharing topic is?" Half the kids shouted that it was talking about our favorite hobby. "Right. And who can tell us what a hobby is? Yes, Demitri?"

After Demitri took five minutes to explain what a hobby was, all eyes were on me.

"Hhhmmm, my favorite hobby…well I'm glad you asked. I really like to play baseball."

"Thank you, Mr. Cullen. Who wants —"

"Oh, I'm not done yet, Mrs. Cullen." I winked at Bella and her attempt to shut me down.

Not going to happen, sweetheart.

"Do you want to know why I like baseball?" I excitedly asked the kids.

"Yes!" Twenty little voices shouted out so I continued.

"First of all, it's a fun game to play, in any position, and I've played them all. I like being the pitcher, maybe throwing a curve ball once in a while or a fastball. Sometimes I try out a different style of pitch, anything to keep things interesting. But what I really love is being up to bat. Just the feeling of the bat in my hand makes me happy."

Bella quietly snorted but I ignored her and continued.

"Then you hit a home run, right out of the park. It's awesome to hear your name being chanted as you round the bases. First base, second base, third base. Then you slide home. There's nothing like getting a little dirty and sliding home."

Laurent looked like he might be sick.

"What about a strike out, Mr. Cullen? Have you ever had the bases loaded and struck out?" Asked a little boy, clad in a Yankee ball cap.

"Nope, can't say I've ever had that happen to me. Mrs. Cullen, have I ever had the bases loaded and struck out?" I tapped my finger against my temple as pretended to think but I already knew the answer - a big fat hell fucking no.

Bella blushed something fierce. Totally adorable.

"No, I can't say that's ever happened to you."

"Yeah, I didn't think so. I'm a pretty proficient ball player, if I can say so myself. You know the best part, kids? I've been with the same team for twenty years! We've been loyal to each other for two decades. That's a really long time. But, I guess when you find the perfect fit, why change things."

"Uh, thank you, Mr. Cullen. Who wants to go next?" Bella shook her head at me while I smirked to myself.

When sharing time was over, I thanked the children for letting me hang out with them and gave Bella a quick goodbye kiss on the cheek.

"Oooohhhhh!" One little girl remarked and I winked at her.

"Say goodbye to Mr. Cullen, everyone."

"Bye, Mr. Cullen."

"Laurie, if you can do story time, I'll be right back."

Bella followed me out into the hallway where I leaned against the wall, unable to hide my grin. I had to admit, I was pretty clever.

"You." There was a finger wagged in front of my face that I attempted to bite. "That was beyond inappropriate. You are so lucky I don't teach seventh grade. Those kids would have understood exactly what you were talking about."

I gave her the one shoulder shrug. "Maybe Mr. Cullen should visit weekly? I could be very educational."

"Absolutely not." Bella was pretending to be upset with me but I could tell she thought I was genius, pure genius.

"Sorry, was I a tad inappropriate? Perhaps you should keep me after school for detention?"

"You are incorrigible. And yet, I love you. I have to go back in."

"See you at home, Mrs. Cullen."

Glancing around, I made sure the hallway was clear before I kissed her, slipping my tongue in as well. Bella pulled back, swatting my chest before she disappeared into her classroom.

I had a few errands to run before I went home but added one more stop on the way home – I needed to pick up a naughty teacher outfit for later. I whistled to myself as I left the school and headed over to the mall. I couldn't wait for Mrs. Cullen to get home.

**See, it all ends on a lighter note. Thank you for reading and reviewing. I hope to hear from you especially if you haven't reviewed before, please say hi!**  
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****Wonder what's coming up next? Bella and Edward spent a night at a hotel. That leaves three Cullen kids home alone...Don't worry, Edward calls in a favor from Emmett... stay tuned! **


	21. Chapter 21

**Hello everyone! Once again, thanks for putting me on alert, favorites, etc. It's so nice to read such kind reviews. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for taking the time to comment. I know it's been a rough couple of days for some of you. I promise, no heart ache here. In fact, in this chapter we have lemons - Edward style! Lolo84 was once again my pre-reader (thank you my lovie!)**

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**Chapter 21**

I think you know me by now. I'm fairly … opinionated. Okay, I'm being nice. Really, I'm blunt, to the point, obnoxious even. I don't mince words and sometimes I forget my filter. But there are things you'll never hear me say.

"No, I don't want sex tonight." And if I ever utter those words, shoot me because I'm as useless as tits on a bull.

"I think I'm lost. It looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions." Men don't get lost. We like adventure; we may seek it out in a way that seems unconventional, but we are not lost.

"Hey! Let me hold your purse while you shop for hours." Really? No.

"Charlotte, don't you think that skirt's a little long?" As if.

And finally, "Hey kids! Your mother and I are going away for the weekend. You might want to consider throwing a party and have wild, monkey sex in your own rooms."

So, can someone please tell me how it came to be that I was currently packing an over night bag? Bella and I were going away for the weekend and leaving not one, not two, but three horny teenagers home alone. Granted it was only for one night but still, whose crazy ass idea was that anyways?

Ahhh, yes, my kids.

Apparently, Bella and I are hard to buy for. So, for Christmas, they put their money together and got us a room at some swanky hotel in downtown Seattle. Included with the gift we also got a buffet breakfast in the morning as well as chocolate dipped strawberries and champagne on ice upon arrival. Let me tell you, it's going to take a hell of a lot more than one bottle of booze to make me forget that the kids have free reign on the house.

When we opened our gift on Christmas morning, Bella got tears in her eyes. She hugged the children close, kissed their cheeks, and told them they were so sweet. It was a lovely moment and I took pictures. For a fleeting second, I thought they were sincere. Then Jacob explained he hoped we could "reconnect as a couple."

Know what bullshit sounds like? Right there was fresh bullshit.

Obviously, I didn't say that. Putting on my best fake smile, I nodded and told them how great the 'Lover's Escape' Groupon was. But I could see past Leah, Jacob, and Charlotte's smiles, even if Bella didn't. I knew exactly what they were planning - a big ass party at the Cullen's, topping the night off with a happy ending with their significant other.

Have I mentioned that the kids arranged our sleep away for Valentine's Day night? Fucking Valentine's Day. That was an issue for two reasons.

First, because the kids got us a hotel room for Valentine's Day, it meant I had the dilemma of coming up with something equally as romantic for Bella. I know, I was screwed.

Second, do you know how many people have sex on Valentine's Day – especially teenagers? Okay, I don't actually know the answer to that, but my guess would be a lot. And I really didn't want to add my kids to the statistics.

I know, I know, Leah's an adult and her and Adam will probably being doing it anyways. And Jacob, well, he's admitted he's a full on Cullen (horny as hell) so chances were he'd be getting busy, too. It was my little girl I was most concerned about.

Charlotte and Paul had been dating steadily since early December. Of course, Char was tight-lipped with both Bella and I about specifics and that worried me. My late night slumber interrogations revealed nothing. It frightened me that I was losing my touch. I resorted to maybe, possibly, kind of, sort of reading her diary again. I know, I know, I'm a horrible person but a dad has to do what a dad has to do.

Under the pretense of, well, nothing really, I snuck into Charlotte's room when everyone was at school. Her journal was not-so-cleverly hidden under her bed again - what she lacked in smarts she more than made up with her looks. With baited breath, I opened it to the last page, which was dated only two days before.

_I don't get it. Paul's seems like he's into me. We have fun when we're together but he hasn't really wanted to do anything but kiss._

Say what? I kept reading, my interest piqued.

_I mean, the kissing is great! But he hasn't pressured me to do any of that other fun stuff._

Fun stuff - the visual of me catching Charlotte and Seth dry humping in her room assaulted my head and I felt sick. Not sick enough to stop reading mind you.

_Paul told me he wants to take things slow, but I have a feeling my dad has threatened him with castration if he lays a finger on me._

Well, not in so many words. Besides, it wasn't his finger I was especially worried about.

_I actually don't want to have sex, even though so many of my friends are doing it. I want to wait until I have what Uncle Rosalie and Uncle Emmett have, what my parents have – true love._

Awwwww

_But I also want a freaking orgasm already! ! !_

I literally gagged and wanted to stop reading, really I did, but it was like a train wreck I couldn't walk away from.

_So, I'm going to have to step it up a notch and seduce that boy. I bought a new push-up bra and panties that I hope he gets to see. And what better time to than on Valentine's night when mom and dad are gone. I can't wait!_

I knew it! Reconnect as a couple my ass! There was no way in hell I could let the kids have the house to themselves. I also knew Bella wouldn't let me cancel and I certainly couldn't tell her about how I knew. She had some real issues about me reading Char's diary.

I toyed with the idea of pretending I had suddenly taken ill - Scarlett fever this time instead of Lyme disease. But you and I both know Bella would have little sympathy for me.

What to do. What to do. As I haphazardly threw toiletries into my bag, I called Emmett. He did owe me a favor after all.

"Dr. McCarty…Oh, hi Edward." His tone changed from professional to dry almost instantly.

"How'd you know it was me?"

"No one else laughs when I say 'Dr. McCarty.'"

I couldn't help it, I snorted again.

"I'm sorry, it's still funny to me."

Registered sex therapist. Fucking funny if you ask me.

"I've been a doctor for close to fifteen years. You'd think you would have gotten used to the idea by now or at least the amusement would have worn off."

"Yeah, it hasn't. Anyways, it's Valentine's day—"

"Oh shit, thanks! I guess I should buy Rose something."

"Good call. Anyways, Bella and I are spending the night at a hotel."

"I think I can guess what you'll be doing tonight, hehheh."

For a guy who talked to people about sex all day, I found it funny that he laughed like a high schooler when he figured I'd be having sex that night. Really though, hotel room or not, chances were good that I'd be getting lucky and I told him so.

"Sex is a regular thing for us, Emmett, you know that. It's like our version of a daily vitamin. Anyways, I didn't call to gloat." Although it was fun. "I'm hoping you can do me a favor. Any way you can ground Paul for the night?"

"You saw the hickey, huh?"

"Pardon me?" Hickey, what hickey?

"Shit, never mind. What's up?"

The mention of the hickey hidden somewhere on my daughter's body made me almost forget the reason for my call. I shook my head and remembered so I told Emmett about finding Charlotte's diary. Okay, finding is a stretch but…

"Don't worry about it. I read Megan's all the time so don't feel bad. It's when they don't keep a diary that you have to worry. What can I do to help?"

...

I had to give the kids credit — the room they booked us at the W was impressive. The view was incredible, the room spacious, the bed comfortable and, forty minutes after arrival, already needed a change of sheets.

Quite literally, as soon as we got to our room, Bella and I were tearing each other's clothes off. What can I say? It had been a long time since we were completely alone, with no chance of being interrupted, and we took full advantage of it. And I do mean full. A blow job right inside the door for me, a little somethin' for her against the wall, which led to wall and chair sex before we made a mockery of the perfectly made bed. Hospital corners didn't stand a chance against the two of us.

Tangled in the crisp sheets enjoying our afterglow, Bella and I cuddled together. She was on her side, tucked into the crook of my arm, one of her bare legs hitched over my thigh. My fingers were combing through her hair as she drew lazy circles around my nipple (the sensitive one).

Have I ever told you how much I love being married? I love that we're so comfortable with one other that even though her breasts were exposed, Bella didn't feel the need to cover herself up. She didn't care that my six-pack was more of a two pack, or that my hair was turning grey. Just as I didn't care about the wrinkles at the corners of her eyes and mouth. In fact, I loved them because it meant she spent a lot of time laughing and smiling, usually with me.

All the awkward firsts we'd dealt with long, long ago. First kiss, first time, first fart. And really, what's worse – first kiss or first fart? Something for you to ponder. I'm going with fart, especially when you're eighteen and think you've let one go undetected except the God-awful smell almost kills you both in the confines of your car. That was also the first time I'd taken Bella to a Mexican restaurant. If you take nothing else from this, heed my advice – bean dip on a date equals bad idea. Live and learn.

Married life was easier twenty years in. The dirty dishes left in the sink and leaving the cap off the toothpaste still annoyed me but it simply wasn't worth fighting over. In fact, Bella and I rarely fought anymore, except when I purposely picked a fight so we could engage in some make up sex. Can you blame me for that?

I adored that after so much time with my soul mate – for she truly was – I was still discovering new things about her. Just the other day, I learned that Bella prayed every night before bed, thanking God for the life she lived with me and the kids. When I found that out, I think I fell in love with her a little more.

And isn't that what marriage is about – falling in love a little more each day? Don't get me wrong, it hasn't always been a picnic for us. We've had our ups and downs like everyone else. She's called me an 'asshole', 'dipshit' and 'fucknut'; I've called her – yeah, we don't need to go there. But through it all, not once did we give up – on one another or our marriage. When I stood in front of our family and friends on our wedding day, I promised them that I would love her for eternity. I gave my word as well as my heart to Bella that I would always cherish her. Forever will I consider her my life partner and there is no one else I ever want by my side.

As if reading my mind, Bella looked up at me and smiled. I brushed a stray piece of hair off her beautiful, ageless face and smiled back.

Reaching for a remote on the nightstand, Bella pressed a button and the blinds lifted, revealing the Seattle skyline. In silence, we enjoyed the last few minutes as day faded to twilight and then darkness. Like the crescendo of a song, the lights of the city came on. We made no attempt to move, simply savoring the closeness we were feeling. Sublime.

Jacob was right — even though I still thought he was full of shit — when he said we could reconnect as a couple. At home, there were always distractions; telephone calls, emails, texts, dirty laundry, some issue with one of the kids. Even though husbands and wives see each other daily, sometimes it can feel like you're just going through the motions and not connecting on a deeper level. The night away was exactly what we didn't know we were craving.

I kissed the top of Bella's head, thoroughly enjoying having her all to myself. And I planned to enjoy her again, and possibly again after that, before the night was through.

My feeling of contentment also had a lot to do with the fact that I'd talked with Emmett before we left.

"What's with the evil grin?" Bella's voice was sweet, yet sultry. I could get off on her voice. Actually, I had, a few times. I loved me some phone sex. Damn.

"Nothing."

"That face is not nothing. You have something up your sleeve."

I showed her my naked arms.

"Who me? Nothing up my sleeves."

Bella laughed, a raspy little giggle. "Yes, you. I know you better than anyone, Edward Cullen, and that face tells me you're up to no good."

I shrugged. "It's really nothing. Emmett and I had a nice talk earlier today."

"And?" Bella rolled over so her chin was resting on my chest.

"He may go by the house later to pick up… the uh….weed eater I borrowed."

Bella leveled me a look.

"What?"

"You can't lie to me."

"It's not just you. I can't lie to anyone." I chuckled.

"Why is Emmett going by the house on Valentine's Day? Shouldn't he be with Rosalie?"

"You know why." Did I really have to spell out the fact that it was the perfect opportunity for a big old Cullen orgy — everyone getting laid at the same time?

"Jake and Charlotte assured us they weren't having a party. We have to trust them."

The party was the least of my worries.

"Do you really think they aren't going to have a party?" I rolled over so we were face to face; I kept her leg hitched over my hip. As Bella talked, I rubbed my hand up the smooth contours of her thigh.

"No, I'm pretty sure they are. I caught Jake and Charlotte whispering in the kitchen the other day and they tried to act all casual. Then Char told me Jacob was helping her with some algebra homework. We all know you don't go asking Jake, of all people, for help with math."

I snickered. "Very true! Charlotte can't lie worth shit, poor girl."

"She is your daughter." Bella teased as she pinched my nipple lightly.

"Why are you so calm about this?" I trailed my finger along the swell of her breasts.

"Because I can't spend every minute of every day fretting about something stupid my kids may or may not do. I can't live my life like that. You worry too much."

"Oh, I'm not worried, I have Emmett." My hand cupped her breast, my thumb rubbing over her perked nipple.

"What's Emmett planning on doing?"

Must avoid the question…

"I don't want to talk about Emmett right now," I whispered as I dipped my head and swirled my tongue around her nipple. I loved how she responded to my touch and was so easily distracted from the question she'd asked.

Bella's mouth turned up in a smile.

"Mr. Cullen, you can't be ready for another round?"

"Try me."

My wife's fingers bumped down my abs and lower. I cocked her an eyebrow as she grabbed a hold of me. Rock solid, baby.

"Your recovery time is good for a man your age."

"A man my age? Excuse me?"

I flipped Bella over onto her back, pinning her arms above her head. I rubbed my nose against hers and made like I was going to kiss her, then brought my lips to her ear lobe instead.

"A man my age can still make love to his wife more than once a night. But know what he would prefer to do instead?" My voice was gruff in her ear. I felt Bella shake her head against me.

I didn't answer her right away. Instead I left small kisses along her jaw line, down her throat and across the top of her chest. I held both of Bella's tiny wrists with one of my hands and pulled the sheet down, exposing her fully. Bella bit her lower lip in anticipation as I licked my lips.

"Tell me, Edward."

I raised my eyes from her perfect breasts to her chocolate brown eyes.

"Tell you what?"

Bella laughed. "You were saying there was something else you preferred to do. Apparently, your short term memory is going."

Damn it.

I brought my mouth back to her nipple, letting my teeth graze against it. I may have been easily distracted but I could still make my wife moan.

"Sorry, I was a wee bit distracted by your perfect tits."

Bella loved when dirty talking Edward came out to play.

"As I was saying, a man my age can still make love to his wife more than once in a night." I sucked her other nipple into my mouth as Bella closed her eyes briefly.

"But what I would preferred to do is fuck her senseless instead."

Bella groaned and I felt her wriggling beneath me. I shook my head.

"Not so fast, my dear."

"Can't handle it fast, old man?"

I smirked at her - Bella knew I liked a challenge.

"Oh, I like it fast; I like it slow. I like it off the bed and any other way you can think up. But right now, I'm going to go so fucking slow, you will be begging me to make you come."

"Wait!"

I cocked Bella an eyebrow, expecting her to come up with a witty, sexy comeback.

"Can you close the blinds first? Unless this is voyeurism research for your book."

Okay, not sexy but a very good point. I pressed the button and went back to the task at hand.

I let go of Bella's wrists and her hands immediately tangled in my hair as my mouth went back to assaulting her breasts. After decades with her, I knew exactly how to flick my tongue, how hard to nibble and how soft to kiss in a way that would drive her to the brink. I did everything exactly the way she liked it, just slower. And not slower because I was getting old, thank you very much, slower because I knew it was driving her a good kind of crazy.

My fingers gripped her waist as I ever so slowly meandered down her torso. Bella's had her hands in my hair trying to push me lower but I ignored her and continued on the indirect route. Kissing around her cute half-inny, half-outy belly button, then down her inner thigh, on her knees, the tops of her feet, and nibbled on her white polished toes.

When I looked up at Bella, she was watching me with hooded eyes and her hands were where I was heading next. I would have scolded her for starting without me but it was hot to watch her touch herself, and she knew I fucking loved it.

"Have you no faith in my abilities?" I shook my head at her. "Have I ever let you down before?"

Bella continued her handiwork as she replied smugly, "Well, there was this one time…"

"Ouch!"

She shrugged.

"I guess I owe you one then."

Bella grinned at my response. "I was hoping you'd say that. I'm all yours."

"Yes, you are. For always."

I covered her body with mine, my mouth on hers, connecting as we knew best. We started out slow and ended up in a breathless, sweaty heap on the bed. And it was so fucking amazing, I craved a cigarette and I didn't even smoke. Instead, we popped the cork on the champagne and drank straight from the bottle. Then we fed each other chocolate dipped strawberries. Life was pretty fabulous.

Afterward, we cleaned up in the shower where Bella could only shake her head at my cock standing at attention. I'm sorry but warm, soapy water cascading down my hot wife's naked body was a visual treat.

We managed to get dressed after that and headed out for our late dinner reservation. Service was slow due to the fact so many couples were out for their own romantic dinner, but Bella and I enjoyed each other's company. We talked – and not just about the kids – laughed, and had more than a few cocktails.

Gifts were exchanged and Bella got teary eyed when she opened the box from Pandora. The necklace was laid out to showcase each of the dangling birthstone charms, one for each member of our family, including one for the baby we lost. Bella told me she felt bad because she bought me a year's subscription to The Beer of the Month Club. Believe me, a man preferred beer over jewelry any day.

It was close to midnight when we got back to our room — full of fillet mignon, roasted veggies and a decadent chocolate lava cake. We were totally relaxed, content and more in love than I thought possible.

"I'm proud of you. Not once did you ask if you could call home to check on the kids," Bella complimented me.

I shrugged like it was no big deal, and swatted at her ass playfully, as she went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. The truth was, I knew Emmett had it all under control. Honestly, I was a little worried for my kids – I doubted they would be able to keep up with him. I'd partied with Emmett through college and he was unstoppable.

We crawled into bed and Bella fell asleep as I watched Die Hard on the tube. Nothing says Valentine's Day like Bruce Willis in Die Hard.

When my phone vibrated on the side table, I smiled to myself when I saw the caller ID – Jacob. I detangled my limbs from Bella's and went into the bathroom to talk.

"Hello?" I admit my voice was a little sing-song-y.

"Dad?" I could barely hear him over the noise. "Dad, can you hear me?"

"I can hear you, Jake. What's up?"

As if I didn't already know.

"Dad, you have to call him off. Seriously. He's out of control."

I played dumb. "Who's out of control?"

"You know who."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"It's not funny."

"I wasn't laughing. What's going on, it sounds a little noisy over there. You're not having a party are you?" I feigned being shocked.

Jacob skillfully avoided my question. "Dad. He's crazy."

"Who?"

"Uncle Emmett!" Jacob sounded exasperated. Perfect.

"Uncle Emmett is there? At our house? How bizarre."

"Oh my God, Dad, he's insane! He showed up here hours ago. He played beer pong and he's really friggin good at it. Then he taught us a drinking game called quarters except he's the only one doing any drinking. In fact, he's drunk all the beer and hard liquor in the house. He's ruining everything."

I couldn't help but to laugh. Atta boy, Emmett, atta boy.

"What do you mean ruining everything? Jacob, are you having a party?"

"Yes! I mean no. Shit. Okay, fine. A few guys from the team came over tonight. You know."

"But it's not a party, right?"

"I'd say it's more of a gathering of friends."

He could talk out of his ass on the fly – impressive. He certainly didn't get that from me.

"And right now, Uncle E's trying to teach what friends I have left, how to do something called the electric slide."

Damn, I loved that dance back in the day!

"Oh my God, this is the worst night ever."

"Let me talk to Uncle Emmett."

"Okay, just a sec." I could hear the muffled sounds of the non-party slash gathering of friends going on, and the distinct sound of the Electric Slide being played, before a breathless Emmett was on the line.

"'ello?"

"Hey, Em, it's Edward."

"Hey, how's your night?"

"It's awesome. How's it going there?"

"Just a sec…there that's better. Sorry, I'm in the downstairs washroom now, can't hear the music's so loud. Yeah, it's all good here. Maybe forty or fifty kids or so, mostly harmless. I made Charlotte change as soon as I got here though; I didn't approve of her outfit. I'm sorry but a shirt doesn't qualify as a dress. I'm not exactly her favorite person right now."

"Welcome to my club. Some days she loves me, sometimes I'm the devil."

"Yeah, no problem. I smoked them at beer pong – what a great game! Then I taught them quarters – remember that game? Well I'm still number one, baby. Adam and Leah took off for a bit but I figured it was best if I hung around with the younger kids anyways. Don't worry, no one's had two minutes in the closet to kiss, let alone five minutes to fuck."

"So, things are going good, then?" I laughed.

"Yep, exactly as planned. I spent half the night showing off pictures of Ethan, which bored them half to death. And I made sure I drank all the booze and ate all the food. Made a big mess, too, with the chips and popcorn— enough so that it should take them a few hours in the morning to clean up. I also rigged alarms to the upstairs bedrooms so if anyone does sneak up there, I'll hear about it. Go enjoy your night with your wife. You can sleep well knowing that for the first time ever, the Cullen home is a sex-free zone for a night. I've totally got this."

"Thanks, Em."

"It's really no problem, this is the most fun I've had in years!" Emmett must have opened the bathroom door because the volume of noise turned up considerably. "Gotta go. These kids still don't get the electric slide yet. Here's Jake."

"When are you coming home?" He whined.

I laughed. "Not until tomorrow afternoon. Make sure the house is nice and clean. You know, tidy up after the party you kids swore you weren't having."

"I hate you."

"Awww, I love you too, Bud."

"You know you're evil? This was a low blow, even for you."

"I know. It's great isn't it? Have a fun night, son, I know I will." It was unfortunate he couldn't see my wag my eyebrows.

"Ewww. Thanks for nothing."

I chuckled to myself as I turned off my phone. I left the bathroom and crawled back into bed.

"What were you doing in there for so long?" Bella's groggy voice asked.

"Indigestion." I patted my stomach.

"Real sexy, Cullen."

"You thought so a few hours ago."

"That was then."

Bella rolled away from me and I knew my chance of getting laid a third time was slim to none. Don't tell her, but I was okay with that. I needed some recovery time anyway. By morning though, I'd be good to go.

As it turned out, I was good to go at six am when my girl woke me up in the best possible way. Now, I'm not a morning person and loathe alarm clocks. But the wake-up-and-blow is high on my approved lists of ways to be aroused (ha ha). There's nothing better than being woken up by the sensation of your wife's wet mouth wrapped around your cock. You could wake me up by slapping my face with free front row tickets to the Super Bowl and it wouldn't be as good. Even better? I went immediately back to sleep afterwards. Aaahhhh.

Bella and I got home around two the following afternoon, after another amazing round (in case you were wondering). There was nothing out of the ordinary; the house was clean, but not overly. No tell-tale hang-over sunglasses being worn by the kids in the house, either. I wondered how Emmett was feeling. It was nice of him to take one for the team.

"How was your night?" I asked, perhaps with a little too much sarcasm, even for me.

Leah gushed over the gift Adam had bought her – a framed photo of the two of them from our Oregon trip, which I suspected was from _that_ night, and a silver charm bracelet. After Bella showed of her necklace, she turned to Jacob and Charlotte, asking how their night was. Together they replied with one word.

"Fine."

I smiled to myself as I guessed what they really meant by 'fine': Fucking Immature Nasty Emmett.

And it was perfectly fine in my books. In fact it was all perfect: Poppa Emmett Really Fucked Everyone's Copulation Tactics.

Bella looked between Charlotte and Jacob's scowls and my wide grin.

"Anyone want to tell me what's really going on?"

I raised my eyebrows and shrugged, all innocent like. Because I was innocent - it was all Emmett. God, I loved him. Jake and Char waved Bella off and said they needed to do some homework. Leah simply chuckled and said she was meeting up with Adam, leaving Bella and I alone.

"What did you do to those poor kids?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm going to go unpack." I quickly kissed Bella's nose and headed upstairs. Jacob and Charlotte corned me in the upstairs hallway.

"Thanks a lot, Dad."

"For what, sweetheart?"

"You know."

Yeah, I did know and I wasn't one tiny bit sorry for ruining her attempted seduction of Paul. As Charlotte glared at me, my eyes darted lower where I could see the hickey Emmett had let slip, peaking out from under the v-neck line of her shirt. Way too low for my liking, just sayin'. I jutted my chin at her chest.

"Nice hickey. I guess that's not from last night."

Charlotte growled at me and stomped off to her room. One down, one to go. I turned to face Jake who immediately wagged a finger in my face.

"I'll get you back, you know. You won't know how, or when, but consider yourself forewarned."

"Ooooohhhhh, I'm shakin' in my boots, kid, shakin' in my boots." I ruffled his hair as I started up to my room with my over night bag.

"Oh, by the way. Thanks for the gift, your mom and I were able to _reconnect_ a few times. Heh, heh."

"God, you're disgusting!"

"Mom didn't think so."

I winked at him and wagged my eyebrows suggestively, quite pleased with myself for completely grossing out my kid. However, and I hate to admit this, I was worried for what was to come. Jacob was my son, after all, and I had a feeling retaliation was going to be a bitch. The worst part was, all I could do was sit and wait.

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**Hotelward had some fun but I wonder how Jake will retaliate. Guess you'll have to keep reading!**

**If you've read 21 chapters and haven't reviewed yet, please do! I don't bite, I promise! In fact, anyone who reviews gets a teaser from next chapter where Edward has a night out with the boys! So, what are you waiting for?**

**(FrostedGlaze: it's the chapter you've been waiting for)**

**PS If you don't know what a Groupon is, check out groupon dot com -I introduced my pre-reader to it - haven't heard from her since LOL**


	22. Chapter 22

**I was ridiculously excited for a record number of reviews last chapter! Thank you all so much for taking the time to say hello and leave me kind words! *** **Did you all see the banner in my profile? Made by Shahula of this web site - thank you! * Lolo84 once again stepped up and was my lovely pre-reader, xoxo She's the one who got it back so fast and since I have no patience, out it comes. *Capricorn75 is my pimp, my semi checker (it's not as dirty as it sounds) and someone I bounce one-liners off of. Thanks to you as well xoxo**

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**Chapter 22**

"Whose stupid ass idea was this?" Jasper grumbled, as we sat in my living room and watched Emmett pace the floor with a screaming Ethan. "We're not three men and a baby."

"Well, there's four of us so we're one better," I offered above the noise, which earned me a slug to my arm.

"I'll have you know, this was his idea, not mine."

Thank you, Emmett, for ratting me out. Both he and Jasper glared at me. Carlisle was more of a stay at home type of guy, so he was content staying in with beer and pizza**-** even if it came with a screaming baby.

It was Friday night and yes, it was my stupid ass idea to give Rosalie a night off. She'd been on my mind of lot lately. Although she said she was feeling much better, Bella and I agreed a night out without the baby was always a good thing. But after three hours of solid crying I was almost regretting it, hence why I was drinking – my attempt to dull the noise. Like women forget about labor pains, I had forgotten how loud babies could be.

"Know what we need? Samuel L. Jackson's audio book 'Go the Fuck to Sleep'." Apparently Carlisle was affected more than I thought. I snickered at my brother's comment before I addressed Emmett.

"I'll have you know, Bella told Rosalie it was all your idea so you can reap the benefits from it later, asshole."

"First of all, like Rosalie would ever believe it was my idea that she should take a night off and go out with the girls. This has Edward written all over it."

Jasper glared at me. "You're just like E.A. Fucking Masen's characters – a goody goody."

Emmett agreed. "Secondly, the kid screams half the night still; there aren't a whole lot of benefits happening."

Jasper groaned. "I hated that after the re-virginizing six-week waiting period, you finally get the green light to have sex and the baby has other plans. I think that's why we only had one kid."

Emmett rolled his eyes and adjusted Ethan in the crook of his arm. He'd momentarily stopped crying; thank God, it was getting annoying actually. "How quickly we forget. It's a nine week waiting period."

Jasper and I both exchanged looks. "I'm pretty sure it was six weeks when we had Jess."

I nodded in agreement. "Same with my kids. Maybe things have changed since then- it has been sixteen years."

Carlisle was oddly quiet, sipping his beer, but I could tell he was skillfully minding his own business.

"It was nine weeks with Adam, Paul, and Megan, too."

Carlisle quietly snorted and we turned to him.

"Spill it, Carlisle. Six weeks or nine?" Emmett commanded.

My brother's mouth twitched as he fought a grin.

"I'm not an OB, how should I know?" It was official – the Cullen brothers can't lie.

"Bullshit!" Emmett's booming voice caused Ethan to start wailing again. "Damn it! Sorry, Ethan."

"I'm sorry to tell you, but most doctor's suggest waiting only six weeks to resume sexual activity after giving birth."

"I knew it!"

"Nine weeks without sex? Good Lord, man." Jasper shook his head. "Even I can't hold out that long."

"Rosalie told me it took nine months to grow a baby, and nine weeks for the body to heal. It sounded reasonable to me." Watching a big, burly guy like Emmett pout was actually quite amusing.

"Do people really wait the full six weeks? We certainly didn't." Carlisle shook his head no, agreeing with me, while Jasper did the opposite.

"You Cullen's love sex, don't you?" Jasper threw a potato chip in my direction.

Real mature, I thought to myself as I retaliated with popcorn.

"As a matter of fact, I do love sex." I loved everything about it. Not only the closeness it brought us afterwards, but I loved the sights, the smells, the sounds. God, the sounds of our bodies slapping together, of Bella's moans and groans and … right, currently not alone.

Jasper shook his head at me and I attempted to wipe the smirk off my face.

"What? I do love it."

"Hey, I think he's finally settling down." Emmett sat on the couch beside me with Ethan nestled in his giant arms. I couldn't resist rubbing his head. Ethan's, not Emmett's – I hadn't had _that_ much to drink.

"Jazz, pass me his milk."

Jasper handed over the bottle, his fingertips barely gripping the top of it.

"Dude, it's not the plague." Carlisle laughed.

"Worse, it's Rosalie's boob juice."

"It actually doesn't taste that….never mind." Emmett stopped himself from revealing anything more. But it was too late, we'd all heard and one of us was not fairing well.

"You puke on my rug, and you're cleaning it up," I warned a dry heaving Jasper.

"Quick, someone get me a beer!" I rolled my eyes - he could be so dramatic. I could only imagine what he'd be like sick. Poor Alice.

Carlisle handed Jasper a bottle of brew and he chugged it back like there was no tomorrow.

"You've never tried breast milk?" Emmett asked and Jasper's repeat gag reflex gave his answer. "Carlisle? Edward?"

"What do you do, Emmett, suckle at the breast while watching TV in bed?" Jasper wondered out loud. "I mean, I wouldn't put it past you."

"No, dip shit. Once when Paul was a baby, I got squirted during sex and that lead to trying it. It also lead to …"

I held up my hand to stop him from telling us whatever secret he was going to tell.

Emmett smirked. "So, yeah, it wasn't awful." He shrugged and Carlisle backed him up.

"I didn't mind it. It's kind of sweet, actually. I was surprised at how warm it was."

"Edward, you're my last hope, dude." Jasper turned to me, a look of disgust on his face.

"I can't say I've ever tried it. Bella and I have done a lot of stuff but drinking her breast milk is not on that list."

"Which brings me to my next question." Jasper started smirking. "So, Mr. E.A. Masen, let's elaborate on the 'stuff' you and Bella have done."

"I'm not _that_ drunk, man." I took a sip of my beer after I answered him.

"Come on. You write porn- you can't talk about what inspires you?" He wriggled his eyebrows at me suggestively.

"Bella inspires me. She inspires me to write, to love, to be a better man. She—

"Now _I'm_ going to puke," Emmett laughed, interrupting me and I shrugged.

"What can I say, I love my girl."

"Edward always gets sappy when he's been drinking. He's an 'I love you man' kind of drunk," Carlisle explained, and I nodded. No denying that one.

Finishing my beer, I set the empty bottle on the table. Jasper immediately passed me another cold one.

"Jasper Whitlock, are you trying to get me drunk?" I'm pretty sure I was on my way there considering I batted my eyelashes at him.

"Maybe."

"Sex in a public place? Wall sex?" Jasper lowered his voice. You know, in case Ethan was listening. "Anal sex?"

I shook my head. "You know what? I may write about sex, but I still consider it something that's sacred between my wife and me. Sorry, buddy."

Jazz frowned so I threw him a bone.

"I will tell you that we have a lot of sex. We're adventurous and I'm pretty sure there isn't a position we haven't attempted, at least once."

"Yeah, that was juicy, thanks," Jasper told me dryly. "You know the girls get all the dirty details on us, right?"

Emmett quickly concurred.

"For sure! Get a group of girls together and their stories are far worse than the men's locker room. You know why? Because they speak the truth."

I smirked. "Well if that's the case, I guess your wives know about my nine inch cock then."

I'm not sure who laughed at me first – Emmett or Carlisle – but I gave them both the finger.

"I grew up with you and your no-way-in-hell-nine-inch-cock." Like Carlisle was one to talk. Just sayin'. Pretty sure he invented the line 'It's not the size, it's how you use it.'

"Not that we compared side-by-side or anything, but yeah, nine inches would be pretty generous." Honestly, Emmett was probably bigger but then again, everything about him was. Big mouth included.

Jasper looked smug. "I guess I'm the only one who remains a mystery."

"Are you implying that all things from Texas are, in fact, bigger?" Emmett's dimples were flashing as he inquired and Carlisle chuckled.

Jasper's answer came by way of a wide grin but I called him on his BS.

"Nice try, Whitlock. Weren't you born in Virginia and only attended law school in Texas?"

Jasper jutted his chin out at me. "Hey, Cullen? Fuck you. You write porn, let me have the biggest dick, okay?"

I put my hands up in surrender. "Fine, fine. You can be the biggest dick."

"Have. I have the biggest dick."

"Whatever."

I checked my watch, noting it was nine fifty-five. Charlotte and Paul were out and had five – make that four — minutes to get home on time. I had to hand it to both of them, they always managed to squeak in just under the wire.

And, cue the front door – except it was slammed shut. Ooh, maybe Paul broke up with Charlotte. Okay, that wasn't nice, but I still wasn't quite on board with the two of them dating.

Instead of Char, Jacob stormed inside, cursing loudly.

"Hey, you wake up Ethan and he's all yours," Emmett warned.

"Sorry."

"You're home early. Something wrong, son?"

"Rachel broke up with me."

"What?"

"Yep. She broke up with me. Told me she's interested in that guy she kissed a while back." Jacob flopped down on the couch beside me.

"This is a joke, right? What, she didn't like your nipple ring?"

"Nipple ring? Does Bella know about that?"

"No, Uncle Carlisle, she doesn't know and she isn't going to. And, thanks for your support, Dad. This isn't a joke. She really did dump my ass. I'll probably be dateless for my senior prom. Awesome."

He looked to be close to tears, so I knew he wasn't joking. I put my arm around him for support.

"I'm so sorry, Jacob. That's really shitty. I still remember the feeling from when Kate and I broke up."

"You had a girlfriend before Mom?"

"Don't sound so surprised." I nudged him with my shoulder.

"I guess I am. You two have been together forever."

"Well, before forever, I was with a girl named Kate. We were only together for a few months but then Grandpa transferred hospitals and we were moving and had to say goodbye."

"Yeah, but you didn't get dumped."

I shook my head. "No, but it still hurt. I remember it like it was yesterday."

Kate and I were sitting on one of those swing chairs on the front porch of the only house I'd ever known. It was literally half an hour before we were leaving. My father was out with Carlisle doing some last minute errands. My mom was kind enough to give us some privacy to say goodbye. My fingers of my left hand were laced with Kate's right as they rested on my thigh.

"This really sucks," I moped.

"Totally."

"I'm never going to forgive my dad for getting transferred. I'm going to hate that stupid town."

"What's it called again?"

"Forks, fucking Forks. It even sounds retarded. God, I'm going to miss you." I turned to her and drew my hand down the side of her cheek. Kate frowned and leaned in for a kiss.

"I'll ask my dad if I can call you when I stay at his house." Her parents were divorced and she saw her father every other weekend. He was always buying her stuff to make up for not being a full time dad, so it was probable that he would cave and let her call me long distance.

"That'd be cool. Maybe every other Friday night we could have a phone date." It gave me a little hope but Forks was still going to suck ass.

"Kate promised to write me all the time, too," I told Jake.

"Why couldn't you just text or instant message? Skype, even?"

"None of that existed back then."

"No cell phones? Oh my God, how old are you?"

"I'll have you know I'm the youngest out of our group." I gestured between Carlisle, Jasper, Emmett, and myself.

"Yeah, well, you're still old."

"I want to know what happened on that front porch." Emmett grinned.

"We kissed, and then my dad came home and it was time for us to go."

"Did she write you, Dad?"

"For a while but—" I shrugged.

"But then you met Mom."

"Exactly, and everything worked out exactly the way it was supposed to."

"Thanks, but that's very little consolation to me right now."

I looked to my homeboys, asking for advice and they all shrugged their shoulders.

"We should take him out. The night's still young," Jasper suggested.

"What do you do when a buddy gets dumped?" Emmett looked thoughtful. "Any time I had girl trouble—"

"You had girl trouble?" Jacob looked hopeful until Emmett laughed.

"Ppffffff! The trouble was more along the lines of stalkers. Obviously, I've never been dumped; I was always the dumper."

I gave him my best what-the-fuck-you're-not-helping look but he kept right on talking. Idiot.

"Anyways, your dad and I would throw a party. We'd get completely hammered and I'd bang some random—"

"Emmett!" I cursed his name as my hand hit my forehead.

"Never mind, Jake. Don't listen to me. What the hell do I know? I'm forty-four and have a newborn. Carlisle? How 'bout you?"

"Uh…" My brother scratched his head and looked at me with shifty eyes. That told me I didn't want him to discuss what he and his buddies did together to dull the pain of someone's break up. I quickly put the pressure on Jasper.

"Jasper?"

Jazz's face lit up with a grin that stretched from ear to ear.

"When my ex and I broke up, my buddies took me to this club in downtown Houston."

In all the years I'd known Jasper, I'd never seen him smile quite like that.

"Jasper Whitlock, did you go see strippers?"

"I do believe they preferred to be called exotic dancers, Edward."

Carlisle smirked. "Sounds like there's a story that we aren't privy to."

"Yes, sir. But let's not tell Alice. It was before her time but I'm sure she wouldn't be pleased to hear some of the antics I engaged in that night."

Oh, but I would.

I knew Jasper had been with a dozen or so women before Alice, but in all our years of friendship he never really spoke much about his personal life. This sounded like a story I wanted to hear. It didn't take much goading to get him to tell us.

"Maria and I dated for three years. I thought I was going to marry her, but she had other plans. I had a ring and she turned me down. It hurts, Jake, I know it does. But because of that, I moved out west, and met the true love of my life."

He put his hand over his heart and nodded at my son. He was cleverly avoiding telling us the story.

"Yeah, yeah. Barf on the sappy stuff. Where's the part about the dancers?" Emmett passed me a sleepy Ethan so he could grab his beer. The baby snuggled comfortably into the crook of my arm as Jasper continued.

"Heh, heh. Well, my buddies paid for a private lap dance from the hottest girl there." Jasper's voice trailed off as he remembered.

"Did it come with a happy ending?" Emmett cajoled, as he tipped his head back to finish off his beer. Jasper merely grinned. And then grinned some more.

You dog, Jasper! I raised my bottle to him across the room and he jutted his chin at me proudly.

"Hook me up on a flight to Texas ASAP!" Jacob pleaded and

I shook my head.

"So, our choices are booze, strippers, or lap dances with inappropriate endings for my eighteen year old son."

"I vote for boobs and booze!"

"Emmett!" I rolled my eyes as I chastised him. Sadly, he was serious.

"What about Hooters? They're open late. We get our booze, Jake gets some boobs to ogle."

"You want to take Ethan to Hooters?" I raised an eyebrow as I gestured to the baby in my arms.

"Why not? He's right at home with giant boobs."

He had a point – Rosalie's double D's were more like quadruple F's. How she didn't smother him while nursing was beyond me.

"Jake, you up for a night with the boys?" Carlisle asked.

"I'd prefer the strip club with the happy ending, but—"

"Shit! Charlotte!" I interrupted. "It's ten twenty and Charlotte isn't home yet." In the midst of Jacob's break up I had forgotten all about her.

Carlisle looked out the window and told me not to worry because Paul's car had been idling in the driveway for a while. Sorry, but that wasn't reassuring - at all. I was having heart palpitations.

I handed Emmett a passed out Ethan so I could … do something. I didn't know what, since I couldn't exactly kick my best friend's son's ass in front of his dad. Good Lord, my child wanted the vein in my head to burst. Before it could, Charlotte and Paul burst through the front door then sauntered into the living room nonchalantly.

"Hi, sorry we're late. We got stuck in traffic." Charlotte was breathless and I knew it wasn't from running inside. She rubbed her fingers over her swollen lips in attempt to hide them from me. I did a quick assessment for missed buttons or skewed clothes but both she and Paul were still fully dressed.

"Traffic at ten p.m., huh?" I addressed Paul with my I'm-not-impressed-that-you're-bringing-my-daughter-home-past-curfew-I-want-to-kill-you stare.

He stood by awkwardly, scratching his head. His eyes darted toward to his dad for help but Emmett held his hands up and let him fend for himself.

"We were, uh, talking, and lost track of time?" It came out as a question and Emmett snorted and shook his head.

"What should we do with them, Edward?" Emmett came up beside me and threw his arm over my shoulder. It looked to be an act of friendship, but I think he was trying to keep me from attacking his son.

"I have a few ideas." Castration was number one on my list.

"Me too." He handed Ethan to Paul. "Guess what you're doing for the next few hours? Babysitting, lucky you."

"Wh-what?" Paul protested loudly. Ethan wasn't impressed with being moved from his comfortable position and started to wail.

"We're going out for a few hours. Ethan will probably cry the whole time we're gone but consider it free birth control, my gift to you. Ready, boys?"

Emmett slapped Paul on the back and kissed Charlotte's cheek. I shrugged as I kissed Charlotte and glared at Paul. We filed past them, grabbing our jackets on the way.

"You sure, Emmett? What if Ethan goes back to sleep? Then the kids have the house to themselves to do…stuff."

"Edward, don't worry about it. Ethan will cry for at least an hour and by then the girls will be home." From the driveway, I could clearly hear Ethan squawking so I guessed he was right.

I stopped worrying and sent Bella a quick text.

_**Rach broke up with Jake. Taking him out to cheer him up. Char & Paul sitting Ethan as punishment for coming home past curfew.**_

Like I knew it would, my cell rang almost instantly.

"Hi, babe."

"How's Jacob? What's going on? Is he okay? Does he need me to come home?"

"Sure, you'll come home for this but not when I'm stricken with Lyme disease," I laughed, but I was only half kidding – I still think I may have had it.

"Very funny. How's my boy?"

"Relax. We've got it under control. We're taking him out—"

"That's what I'm worried about. You and Emmett together are bad enough. Throw Jasper into the mix and, yeah, you can see my concerns."

"We'll be fine, we have Carlisle."

"Shit, I forgot about him. Maybe I should come home."

"Don't be ridiculous. We're going to take Jake out, cheer him up, and do some male bonding in the process."

"Oh, God. Can I talk to Jacob?"

Reluctantly, I passed my phone over. I could only hear half of the conversation but even over the phone, Bella was coddling him. After a few minutes of Jake answering with 'uh huh' he passed the phone back saying Bella wanted another word with me.

"Edward, please be good."

"Pfffff. We'll be fine. Love you." I ended the call before she could lecture me more.

Three hours later, and Bella's warning had definitely fallen upon deaf ears. Hooters was a bust, pardon the expression, so we ended up at a dark little lounge-type restaurant in downtown Seattle. Lucky for us, it was karaoke night. Oh, I loved me some karaoke. The crowd was shy and no one was up singing. No one until we got there, that is. We ordered a pitcher of beer and cokes for Jasper, the designated driver, and Jacob the brooding dumpee.

"Really, Dad? Karaoke?" My son looked skeptical as I flipped through the songbook. "What about the boobs?"

Emmett pointed out that our server was cute.

"Not as cute as Rachel." Jake pouted as he stirred his drink with the straw, poking around at the ice cubes.

"Forget about her. She kissed another guy. She's not worth your time." Carlisle was sitting next to him, his arm draped around his shoulder.

"Totally. Let's hope she gets a yeast infection." Emmett added.

Jacob looked confused, as were the rest of us. "Why, Uncle Em?"

"You don't know why women get yeast infections, buddy?" Jake shook his head. I admit, I was also curious.

"Because every woman needs to know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while."

It was my beer that was sprayed across the table.

"What exactly is a yeast infection?"

"Three plus days of self pleasure," Jasper joked.

"Damn it. I won't be getting laid now either. Love stinks," Jacob moped. I snapped my fingers, knowing the perfect song to start us off.

"Yeah, sometimes it does." I wagged my eyebrows as I jumped up and took the microphone in hand. I was about to channel Adam Sandler in 'The Wedding Singer' except I could sing a hell of a lot better.

"Hey! How's everyone doing tonight?" The only hoots that greeted me came from our table.

"I'm here with some buddies and my son, whose girlfriend broke up with him tonight." There were a few 'awwws' from the crowd as Jacob glared at me, cursing my name for humiliating him.

"This song is for him. Jake, you're right- love stinks!"

Remember, I was the lead in a high school play; I have a decent singing voice. Usually. The beers in me made me sing much louder, perhaps even a little (okay, a lot) off key. When I confidently belted out the first line of the 'Love Stinks' lyrics, my son immediately looked as though he wanted to disappear. His eyes darted around, searching for a way to make a quick exit. By the time I got to the chorus Jacob smiled, if only a little.

Jasper was up next and chose 'Achy Breaky Heart' – apparently he was a whole lot more Texas than I thought. His voice had the Billy Cyrus twang to it, and he had some dance moves that I worried might cause his back to go out.

Carlisle chose 'Time of your Life (Good Riddance)' by Green Day. It's a poignant song about making the best of any given situation. Leave it to my brother to deliver a song that talks about a nostalgic end to a relationship.

And leave it to Emmett to keep it real.

"Jake, Jake, Jake. Listen to me. Rachel is not worth it. She tongue wrestled with another dude. She's an idiot and is losing out on one awesome guy. This song is what it's really all about." With that, he went with his own rendition of 'Songs for the Dumped' by Ben Folds Five.

_So you wanted to take a break_

_Slow it down some and have some space_

_Well fuck you too_

_Give me my money back_

_Give me my money back_

_You bitch_

_I want my money back_

_(And don't forget to give me back my black T-Shirt)_

_Wish I hadn't bought you dinner_

_Right before you dumped me on your front porch_

_Give me my money back_

_Give me my money back_

_You bitch_

_I want my money back_

_and don't forget_

_And don't forget._

By the end of the song, everyone was on their feet clapping and cheering for Emmett. He took a deep, sweeping bow and got off the stage grinning like a fool, high-fiving Jacob.

A table of four young girls got up and dedicated 'Love Takes Time' to Jacob. One girl in particular – a pretty, petite blond - was eyeing up my son. Call me match maker, I convinced that same group of girls to join me for an epic version of 'Cruisin' and I have to tell you, Huey Lewis and Gwyneth Paltrow have nothing on us, but especially me. Edward Cullen on beer, need I say more? I don't think so. Jake cringed when I really cut loose, singing both 'Take My Breath Away' and 'Danger Zone.' Really though, what's karaoke without a song or two from Top Gun?

It was when my hips got a little out of control during my rendition of 'Time of My Life', Dirty Dancing style, that the boys told me it was time to go. As we were paying our bill — who knew we finished three pitchers? — the blonde girl came up and started talking (flirting) with Jacob. Respectfully, the four of us stepped away from the table to give him some privacy. Well, Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmett were respectful. I was blatantly eavesdropping and was told later that I had hooted slash barked Arsenio Hall-style when she approached him. That would have been the beer talking.

The girl was totally into Jake, and it looked to be mutual. Her hand rested on his forearm as they talked and she gave him a genuine smile and laughed at something witty Jake had said. How do I know it was witty? Jake's my son, after all. Witty runs in the family. Like charming father, like son.

Jacob fished around in his pocket and handed his phone to her. I may have fist pumped the air. As the pretty blonde saved her phone number, Jacob was beaming, and blatantly checking out her ass. Stealthy wasn't his middle name. Mind you, it didn't seem to be Emmett or Jasper's either. She was definitely cute, though.

When she handed Jacob his phone back, he extended his hand out to her. I shook my head and rolled my eyes as Em chuckled. The girl waved off his hand and pulled him into a hug instead. They lingered longer than was probably appropriate. Had it been one of my girls being hugged by a stranger I would have probably intervened, but I admit to having a double standard in regards to my son. Sue me.

With a wave, Jacob walked over to where we (I) were pretending not to be totally spying on them. The smirk that was plastered on his face was priceless.

"Ready to go, gentlemen?" Jake commented, as he led the way out to the parking lot. We followed behind with a backwards glance to the blonde who was back at her table, giggling with her groupies.

It wasn't until we were in the truck that we got the scoop.

"Who was that, Jake? A friend from school?" I asked, trying to sound casual.

"Did you get her number? Are you going to call her?"

"How hot was she? There's a rebound chick for you to f—"

My hand connected hard with Emmett's shoulder.

"Get to know." He corrected himself with a grin.

"No, she wasn't a friend from school. Yes, I got her number, and hell yes I'm going to call her."

"Yeah, buddy! Back in the saddle again." Carlisle smiled. "Nice work."

"Actually, she felt sorry for me. But I'll take a pity date with a hottie like her. Fuck you, Rachel."

"Atta boy!" Jasper praised. "What's her name?"

"Vanessa."

"Nice work, Bud. Uncle E approves."

And that was how Vanessa 'Nessie' McIntosh came into our lives and, more importantly, into Jacob's. I like to think my singing that night brought them together. I may still be drunk.

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**Poor Jacob getting dumped! Do you think the boys night helped? Of course it did, he met Nessie!**

**Won't you please take a minute to review? Even a smilie face is appreciated. Quoting your favorite line and I do the electric slide over here.**

**What's coming up next? Funny ass shit, that's what! I think it's my personal favorite chapter. Right up there with ch 15 - the Man Cold. Can't wait to share it with you!**


	23. Chapter 23

**I was blown away by the reviews last chapter - WOW! The only intelligent words I have are THANK YOU! Lolo84- you know I love you for pre-reading xo Capricorn75 - thanks for checking out my semi's and adding a few funny one-liners too. AvidReader69: I don't recommend drinking while reading. There are a few funnies in here.**

**Chapter 23**

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Have you ever had a day where anything and everything goes wrong and it's almost comical because it's all so ridiculous? I woke up one day in late March to a day like that, minus the comical part.

I remember when the kids got lice, which coincided with Christmas. Oh. My. God. What a nightmare! First of all, I was so itchy I could barely stand it and I was lice**-**free!

Leah woke up Christmas morning saying her head was itchy. I told her to scratch it, duh. Bella, being a teacher, took a closer look and discovered the nasty little bastards. Gift opening took a back seat to nit picking. I had to find a pharmacy that was open on Christmas day and buy enough Nix conditioner for the entire family. When I got home, I took Jacob into the bathroom and buzzed him bald which really wasn't a good look for a kid with a big, lumpy head. Walking out of the bathroom with a smirk on my face, I told Bella that my kid was done, thinking she would take care of the girls and I'd do the boy. Yeah, not the case.

We did rock, paper, scissors to see who got stuck with a squirmy four-year old Charlotte. I lost. To this day, I still disagree that paper covering rock wins. How does that work? How about you hold a piece of paper in front of your face and I'll throw a rock at you. Let's see who wins then.

Anyway, we had to cancel seeing the rest of the family because of the damn bugs. After three hours of combing Charlotte's hair, in between threatening and bribing her, I was ready to buzz her bald, too. Bella literally had to wrangle the clippers from my hands. It was a tedious job. Separate hair. Comb. Pick out nits. Repeat. Repeat. Re-fucking-peat.

And I think Bella and I went a little insane after all those hours we spent combing. We ended up competing to see who could pick out more bugs and eggs, and then we made it a game to see who could resist scratching their own head the longest. Merry fucking Christmas.

Are you itchy yet? Damn it, I am!

Since then, I've had many days where things go wrong but nothing quite like today. Anything that could go wrong did, and then some. The day had started off with such potential, too.

I vaguely remember Bella's alarm going off fairly early. It was Saturday and she was meeting with Rosalie, Esme, and Alice for breakfast and a day at the spa – a standing tradition they had once every few months for years. The girls called it re-connecting; I called it bitch-about-our-husbands. I encouraged her to go. I was still worried about Rose and knew she needed girl time as much as she needed time away from Ethan to feel sane.

As Bella snuck out of bed, the crisp air seeped under the blankets. I grumbled in protest, cursing early mornings and pulled the blankets up to my chin. Bella's singing voice coming from the shower lulled me back to sleep. A short while later, she came back to bed - naked, still warm and dewy from her shower. Her body covered mine, and her breasts pressed against my chest as she peppered kisses down my jaw line.

I recant my earlier complaint about hating mornings.

"Mmmmmm, you smell clean." My voice was still raspy and I was pretty sure my morning breath was less than spectacular. I felt Bella's breath against my chest as she laughed.

"I guess that's a good thing."

My hands caressed down her back, my hands grabbing her butt cheeks.

"I thought you weren't a morning person?"

"I'm easily swayed."

To be more accurate, I was easily and quickly swayed. Damn it. You'd think after twenty-five plus years of having sex, short comings like that didn't happen any more. Fucking hell. Bella said it was fine. No, what she actually said was "Women don't need an orgasm to feel close." Utter bullshit.

After she left to meet the girls- where she'd probably tell them all about my failure- I threw on some lounge pants and went down to the kitchen to make breakfast, stubbing my toe on the way. Karma for not giving Bella an orgasm, I'm sure.

I also burnt the toast and spilled my first cup of coffee. Go me.

A little after nine, Leah joined me, still in her pajamas – a t-shirt and boxer shorts which I prayed weren't Adam's – and sat down at the kitchen table.

"Hungry? There's enough."

Leah smiled and nodded and I fixed her a plate and a glass of OJ. After a few minutes of eating in silence, she spoke.

"Uh, Dad, can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course, Leah, what's up?"

"You know I'm almost twenty, right?"

"Yeah, crazy." Who would have ever thought that wall sex would have produced such a beautiful young woman?

"And you know Adam and I have been together for a while now."

"Uh huh."

I had a feeling I wasn't going to like where the conversation was going

"Well, Adam is transferring to UDub next semester and, well, we were kind of thinking about moving in together in the fall."

Oh, thank God. For a second there…wait…brain processing...

"Pardon me?" I choked on my toast.

"I said, Adam and I are thinking about moving in to—"

"I heard you."

"Why did you say 'pardon' then?"

"Because I thought you were kidding."

"No, I'm serious."

I snorted. "Well, Adam needs to ask my permission first."

"Why? We're not getting married."

"You'll never get married if you two move in together."

"Why?"

Wasn't it obvious?

"Leah, why would he buy the cow when the milk is free?"

"Are you calling me a cow?" Leah was the spitting image of her mother in that moment. Just like Bella, she turned my words against me – was that girl thing?

"No, I'm not saying you're a cow, of course not. I'm saying if you and Adam live together, as man and wife, and do things that a man and wife do—"

Leah snorted. "Really, Dad? 'Do things that a man and wife do?'" She had a little of me in her because her tone was spot on. "We're both adults here."

"Do you want me to get technical? Because, believe me, I can get technical."

"Try me."

Was Leah really challenging me, Edward Cullen, aka E.A. Masen, to say the words? I debated over shocking the hell out of her with some of the other terminology I used in my books but refrained.

"Do you prefer me to call it making love?" — God, I felt sick —"If you and Adam live together, as man and wife and make love is that better?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Where's Adam's incentive to marry you if he's getting sex" — _barf_ —"regularly?"

Yup, pretty sure I just threw up in my mouth a little.

"The incentive would be love. Adam loves me and therefore he'll want to marry me."

I snorted.

"Dad, just because we'd be living together and having sex regularly…"

_Barf again._

"…Doesn't mean we won't ever get married."

I chose to ignore the 'having sex regularly' comment.

"You'll move in together and five years will go by and Adam will have forgotten about asking you to marry him because in his mind you're already married. And then you'll have babies and you'll have to hyphenate their names because technically they aren't a Cullen or a McCarty. I always feel sorry for kids with hyphenated names."

"I think you're getting a little ahead of yourself. Besides, maybe I'll ask him to marry me."

"What? No!"

"Why not?"

"Because it's his job to ask you. And me. You make damn sure he asks my permission to marry you first!"

"That's ridiculous. Why would he ask you? I'm not your property that you can buy and sell. I'm your daughter."

"Oh, he'll be asking my permission alright." I nodded emphatically.

"If he does, I'll say no." Hhmmmmm, something to think about…"And we'll continue to live in sin." Damn it.

"My answer is no – to you and Adam moving in together."

Leah snorted, loudly. "I wasn't asking your permission. I was merely telling you now, so you'd have some time to process it before it actually happens."

Wow, when did my daughter get balls? I would have been proud except I wasn't.

"Where will you live? You and Adam are both in school full time. I'm certainly not footing the bill."

"Adam has a friend who's offered us his basement suite for cheap. He's working part time writing for a local newspaper, and I'll be working during the summer and will save up."

"Electrical? Groceries? Phone bills? All those condoms you'll be using for your regular sex. That all adds up." Especially condoms. For something that you use once and throw away, they were sure expensive.

The house phone started ringing, interrupting us. I grabbed it and answered.

"Edward Cullen."

"Uh, hi, Mr. Cullen. This is Rachel, remember me?"

Leah put her plate away and started for upstairs; I covered the mouthpiece.

"We're not done here, Leah. We'll talk more in a bit." Leah waved me off as she continued on her way. If she was Charlotte she would have flipped me off; at least I had that going for me.

"Hi, sorry, Rachel. Of course I remember you. How are you?"

"I'm okay. I've been trying to get a hold of Jake but he's avoiding my calls."

Could it be because you kissed another guy and then dumped his ass?

"Oh really? Huh."

"Anyway you could let me talk to him? It's kind of important."

"Let me see if he's up, okay?"

"Thanks, I really appreciate that."

I carried the phone up to Jake's room and knocked on his door before entering. He was fast asleep, and had one gangly leg half off his bed, one arm flung over his head, the other on his groin.

"Jake, Rachel's on the phone. She says it's important." I shook him awake. His arms flailed about, protesting the wake up. We Cullen men were definitely not morning people. He snatched the phone from me and barked a greeting into the receiver. His room stank so I vacated as soon as possible, closing his door and went in search of Leah. She'd ducked into the shower – more for avoidance than for cleanliness – I suspected.

I went back down the kitchen to wait for her. Really, I should have been working on the last edits of my book but I couldn't stop thinking about Leah and Adam and all the sex they were going to be having.

Charlotte literally bounced into the kitchen and kissed my cheek, interrupting my wallowing time. Something was off - she was far too happy.

"Good morning, Daddy."

Her singsong voice confirmed it - she was definitely up to something. Chipper and Charlotte were not normally synonyms. There was something going on with her, and I wasn't privy to it. But I would be. Pretty sure Edward and Dear Diary had a date later. I hadn't 'stumbled' upon the little book since before Valentine's Day; it was time.

"Good morning, baby doll. You're awfully happy." I cocked an eyebrow trying to figure her out.

Charlotte shrugged and smiled, more to herself than to me.

"Me and Megan are going shopping today and I have a date with Paul tonight!"

"That's great."

Charlotte failed to notice my flat tone.

"Yup. Can you drop me off at the mall? Please?"

With a smile and the flash of the dimple in her left cheek, we were on our way – after I got dressed, of course.

In the car, I tried asking Char how things were going with Paul but she deftly eluded my questions. I didn't pry, knowing full well I would probably (okay, definitely) read her diary later.

Back at home, Leah's car was gone. I wasn't surprised. She obviously didn't want to talk to me. Conveniently, Jacob was in the shower, which gave me enough time to sneak into Charlotte's room.

I got concerned when I couldn't find the diary in its regular hiding spot under the bed. As I stood in her disastrous room, I scratched my head and looked around again. Sitting on her bedside table, in plain view, was a journal. It wasn't her regular one but as I flipped through, I saw the doodles and hearts were there along with several entries since Valentine's Day. They were mostly about school, a few about Paul, and one or two complaining about something I'd done to piss her off. The last entry was dated the night before.

_Interesting turn of events in my life. Paul and I are going out every weekend still. We kiss and stuff but he really hasn't shown much interest in more. But someone else has – Megan. I know, right?_

Say what?

_I got to Auntie Rosalie's house yesterday and had a snuggle-fest with baby Ethan – I love him! Paul was late in getting off work so I went to Megan's room to hang out. One thing led to another and we started kissing. She's actually a better kisser than Paul. Then her hand went under my shirt and mine went under hers and stuff._

Stuff? What stuff? I sat down on the bed and continued reading.

_I have to say, it felt good. Really good. Like, better than when I'm with Paul good. Megan and I are going to meet up again tomorrow, I can't wait!_

For the first time in my life, I was rendered speechless. It lasted close to thirty seconds.

It was only experimenting, right? Kids did that. Well, I didn't. I'd done a lot of shit in my life but I can honestly tell you that I have never kissed another man. Wait, I take that back. I did kiss Jasper once but that was on a dare. And even though it wasn't awful, it wasn't classified as good either. Certainly not better than kissing Bella. How bad at kissing and 'stuff' was Paul if Charlotte thought Megan was better? I almost felt sorry for the kid but not quite.

Should I be calling Emmett and Rosalie? Should I be calling Bella? Should I be calling a fucking shrink? Maybe Carlisle because I was pretty sure the vein I felt throbbing in my temple was about to burst.

I heard Jacob get out of the shower, so I put the diary back in its non-hiding spot on the bedside table and snuck back downstairs.

Coffee, I needed coffee. I really wanted a shot of whiskey but since it wasn't even eleven o'clock yet, the coffee would have to suffice. I fixed myself another large mug and sat down at the kitchen table with it, trying to process what I'd read.

"Hey, Dad."

"Oh, hi, Jake."

"Do you have a minute? I need to talk to you about something."

"I always have a minute for one of my kids, what's up?"

"So, uh, hypothetically speaking, let's say I have a friend."

Immediately, my ears perked up. I had a feeling this wasn't going to be good. But really, how much worse could it get? I'd started my morning as a two-pump chump, my oldest daughter was planning on moving in with her boyfriend and having regular, nauseating sex, and my youngest was possibly a budding lesbian. What else could go wrong?

"I'm listening." I felt like Frasier Crane.

"Well, this friend, his ex-girlfriend called and said she's, uh, pregnant." The last word came out as a whisper but I'd heard. Apparently, things could get worse.

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. This was not happening. It couldn't be. But it was, because Jacob continued talking.

"How would you suggest he go about telling his parents about this?"

I took a deep breath, then clenched and unclenched my fists before I opened my eyes to face him. Jacob's face was completely somber and my hope of it being a joke was dashed.

"First of all, why didn't your idiot 'friend' use a condom?" I asked between gritted teeth.

"He did, except one time."

Famous last words.

"Is he a fucking moron, this friend?"

Jacob shrugged.

"Do her parents know?"

"Uh, I think so?" he answered with a question and scratched his head.

"Well, if I was the father of your friend, I would kick my son's ass first and foremost, you know hypothetically speaking." I glared at Jacob.

"Heh heh, good thing it's only a hypothetical question. Gotta go."

"Sit. Your. Ass. Down. Right now, Jacob!"

"Fuck."

"Yeah, that's what got you into this mess in the first place. What the fuck, Jacob! That's why Rachel called this morning?"

He hung his head and nodded.

I scrubbed my hands over my face. I guess my day just got worse. Worse? Ha! It just went to hell in a hand basket.

"One time, Dad. One fucking time we didn't use a condom."

"That's all it takes. When did this happen?"

"Remember the day I came home from school after I found out about her kissing another guy? The night _you_ told me to kiss her and win her back?"

"Don't you DARE make this my fault. It wasn't my dick!"

"I never said it was. Besides, I don't even know for sure if it's my kid."

"Awesome, you can be on Jerry Springer's 'Am I The Baby's Daddy' show." I ran my hands through my hair and cursed a myriad of unacceptable words under my breath.

"They say everyone gets fifteen minutes of fame."

I wanted to smack the foolish grin off his face. He knocked some girl up and he was joking about it. Oh my fuck.

"You know what, Jake? I can't do this right now. I've got too much shit going on and I need to think. I'll be back in a while; you can bet your ass we'll be talking then. Don't go anywhere. You're officially grounded until further notice."

"What? But—"

I held my hand up, my eyes burning holes in his big fat head. "Don't. Just don't."

With that, I had to walk away from him or I was going to say things I would later regret or punch a hole in the fucking wall. What was the point of those embarrassing sex talks, the condom onto banana demonstrations?

Stomping up the stairs, two at a time, I got to my room and paced. I really wanted a relaxing bubble bath to take away the stress but even Mariah Carey's 'Music Box' on my iPod wouldn't be enough to calm me down. Instead I changed into jogging pants, a t-shirt, zipped up a hoodie, and laced up my Nikes.

I left the house, slamming the front door behind me. The March air was warmer than I anticipated and didn't burn my lungs as I expected. There was a trail a few blocks from our house, so I started off with a brisk jog in that direction. As my pace picked up, it felt good to have my feet hitting the pavement hard, one foot in front of the other. Kind of like how I was going to have to get through the next few days, weeks, and nine fucking months. Fucking Jacob! By the time I got to the trail, I was in a full run. Unfortunately, it did nothing to clear my head and my ass was hurting.

Three kids, three problems – one of epic proportions. I guess it was a good thing Leah was moving in with Adam because we'd need to turn her room into a nursery. And hey, at least if Charlotte was fooling around with Megan she couldn't get pregnant. They do say everything happens for a reason. God sure has a fucked up sense of humor.

I kept moving, hoping to run away from the problems. At least Bella and I would get through it together. Speaking of Bella, honestly I was surprised Jacob talked to me about it instead of waiting to talk to her. He had to know how I would react. On the bright side, it could be considered a good thing that he felt comfortable enough to come to me. Lucky fucking me.

When my lungs couldn't take it any more, I slowed to a walk. It had been a long time since I'd run. The pain I felt in my chest, legs, and ass did nothing to calm the anger within me. I debated calling Jasper to see if he had a joint, but instead I stopped in at Starbucks, thinking the caffeine would help. The over-excitable, hopped-up-on-far-too-much-caffeine barrista took my order and made idle chatter as she handed me back my change.

"Did you play any April Fool's Day pranks today?"

I shook my head of the fog I was in. "Sorry?"

"It's April Fool's Day. Did you prank anyone?"

Oh. My. God. Those little fuckers! Jacob said he was going to get me back and fuck me, he did. He totally did. I started to laugh and laugh; then I laughed some more. The barrista, as well as several other patrons, looked at me as though I were nuts so I explained myself.

"I thought it was March thirty-first; I had no idea it was April first. It all makes perfect sense now."

"Someone got you, huh?" She laughed as she handed me my venti, extra strong, black coffee.

"They punked me real good but I'll get them back." I gave her a knowing smile.

"You can't prank after noon, it's said to bring you bad luck."

"I'll take my chances. Thanks, for the coffee and the heads-up!"

I took a seat by the window, in one of those oversized, leather chairs. Cradling my coffee in my hands, I stared off into space, conjuring up ways to get back at the devil's spawns, otherwise known as Leah, Charlotte, and Jacob.

It was obvious to me now that Charlotte had figured out I was reading her diary. Why else would she have a new one and left it out in the open? She might as well have left a 'read me' note on it. Okay, so I'm not the brightest crayon in the box, but at least I'm cute. Of course - Charlotte couldn't lie worth shit, which was why she left out her journal to get me. Smart little thing! Damn it, though, now I needed to find the real diary!

With Leah, I wasn't totally convinced she was pranking me. Knowing her, she was serious about moving in with Adam in the fall. Realistically, I knew she was old enough to move out and (_barf_) have regular sex with her boyfriend, but that didn't mean I had to be okay with it. When I looked at her, I didn't see the passage of time. I still saw my little girl, playing dress up and Barbies; running barefoot through the backyard, and begging me to pick her up. I may not be able to carry her in my arms any more but I will always carry that little girl in my heart.

God, I was such a sap. Sap or not, I was still going to get back at her, too.

And fucking Jacob, that was a cruel joke, even for him. When he told me Rachel was pregnant, I seriously needed to get the hell away from him before I lost my shit.

I rubbed my hands together as I plotted how to seek my revenge. As I finished off my coffee, the plan had been formulated and can I just say that I'm a fucking genius? Walking home, I had an extra bounce to my step – probably from all the coffee - and a conniving smirk on my face. It was going to be hard for me to lie my way through the conversation with the kids but I was determined to do it. I'd just have to be my usual, awkward self. Shouldn't be too hard. (That's_ not_ what she said.)

When I got home, Jacob and Leah were both there. I was one short for the party so I sent Charlotte a text message that she needed to come home for family meeting ASAP. Her reply was slightly snarky, in typical Charlotte fashion, but she said she was already on her way back. Excellent. I rubbed my hands together like Mr. Burns from the Simpsons. This was going to be highly amusing!

After Charlotte arrived home, I sat all three side-by-side on the couch, oldest to youngest. Leah looked less than impressed, her arms crossed over her chest. Jacob and Charlotte looked as though they were both fighting smirks, thinking they had outsmarted me. Oh my pretties, just you wait.

"Thanks for meeting with me. First, I want to apologize to you, Leah and Jacob, for being short-fused this morning. I have a lot on my plate right now, with work deadlines and other more personal issues. You're mom and I were going to talk to you all together but–"

I paused, exhaled dramatically, then ran my fingers through my hair, trying my best to look and sound flustered. At least my hair co-operated, standing up on end in disarray. I turned to my oldest first.

"Leah, I'm sorry I was so hard on you this morning. And I want you to know I'm okay with you moving out with Adam. In fact, the sooner the better."

"Wh-what?" As Leah gasped, Jacob and Charlotte exchanged confused looks.

"Honestly, we're going to need the space. Jake, have you told your siblings about Rachel?"

"Uh, no."

I waved for him to enlighten them.

"Uh, Rachel's pregnant," he mumbled as his hand rubbed over his face.

The "Holy shit!" came from Leah.

"I think I said worse," I admitted. "In any case, Leah if you move out with Adam, we can turn your room into a nursery. Even if you and Rachel don't get back together, Jacob, the baby will still come to visit and he – or she – is going to need a place to sleep. I talked to Rachel's dad just a bit ago—"

"You did what?" I could almost see Jacob's heart start to pound faster in his chest. Yeah, that was especially mean of me but so was telling me Rachel was pregnant. It's called retaliation, son. Tit for tat. You fuck with me, I fuck with you. I win.

"Well, I wanted to see if they needed help with any of her medical expenses. In case you didn't know, you're not exactly her dad's favorite person right now. I thought you said Rachel's parents knew but I don't think that was the case."

I scratched my head and looked sheepish.

"Oh God. Rachel is going to kill me."

Charlotte snickered but stopped when Jacob's elbow poked her in the ribs and she fake coughed to cover her slip up.

"I hope that doesn't cause complications for you but I want my grandbaby to have the best medical care, and the first trimester is extremely important for infant development."

"Why are you so calm about this?" Leah was eying me suspiciously.

"Mistakes happen. Your mom and I know that first hand." I frowned and shook my head, feigning disappointment in myself.

Charlotte's eyebrows knitted together. "I don't get it."

"Remember when we spent the night at the hotel on Valentine's Day? Thanks, for that by the way, it was great to have sometime to _reconnect_. Well, your mom and I were a little … amorous, you could say. Several times, in fact." I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively and got a little wistful as I remembered, a smile creeping across my face.

"Please stop looking like that, it's disgusting." Jake shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Sorry. It was a very memorable night, in more ways than one. Kids, Mom's pregnant."

"What?" Charlotte and Jacob balked. Leah, on the other hand, folded her arms across her chest and uttered 'bullshit' under her breath. She wasn't as gullible as the younger two; it was going to take some work.

"Let me back track a bit. Your mom took Auntie Rosalie's pregnancy really hard. You see, we always wanted another baby but couldn't afford it. Now that we're older, we're more financially stable, we figured why the hell not?"

"I thought you had a vasectomy?"

Damn Leah for being so friggin' smart. (She got that from me, by the way.)

"You're right, I did. But I had it reversed before Christmas. It's done by laser surgery now and almost painless. It's also ninety-five percent effective."

I was pulling numbers out of my ass but it sounded plausible.

"Heh, heh, in my case it was a hundred percent effective. I guess I have highly potent sperm. Mind you, we were overly frisky that night. Personal record."

I held up four fingers proudly. Might as well totally gross them out in the process.

Finally, Leah gagged. Exactly the response I was looking for. The other two looked deathly pale and said nothing.

"There's more."

"Oh God." The voice sounded feminine but I actually think it was Jacob who said it.

"Finally, I need to apologize to you, Charlotte. I read your diary this morning."

"What? I'm shocked." Charlotte lacked acting skills.

"Dad!" Leah sounded so much like Bella.

"I'm sorry, I really am. I went in there looking for towels to wash and it was right there. In any case, I read about you and Megan."

Leah looked very confused but I kept on talking.

"And it's okay. Experimenting with another girl is okay. You're mom once felt up Auntie Rosalie—"

"WHAT!"

"It's a long story, Jacob. A hot tub, some wine coolers, and one thing lead to another."

I left it at that. The kid's faces were priceless - I wished I had my camera.

"Anyways, Uncle Jasper and I kissed one time, years ago, and although it never went further than that, I always wondered—"

"Oh, God. I think I might be sick."

"Sorry, son. I'm just keeping it real. I want Charlotte to know that if she decides to become a lesbian, we will still love her. And the same goes for you, Jake. If you decide to be a colon cowboy, we'll support you." I put my hand over my heart, showing him I was sincere.

"I'm not gay, Dad."

"I'm not saying you are, but if you prefer rump wrangling, I'm okay with it."

"Edward."

Fuck. I was totally busted.

"Bella. Hi. How are you? How are you feeling? It's okay, I told the kids about the baby." I walked over to her and put my hand on her non-existed belly, giving it a rub. She was going to kick my ass.

"I'm going to need a minute with your father. Alone."

You've never seen three kids move so fast. Bella smiled at them then narrowed her eyes at me as soon as they were out of the room.

"What the hell are you up to now?"

I told Bella about Leah wanting to move out with Adam, about reading Charlotte's diary (which I got supreme shit for) and then about Jacob telling me Rachel was pregnant.

"They got you good this year, didn't they?" Bella laughed.

"Play along? Just for a bit? Please? I'll make it worth your while." I kissed the indent just behind her ear.

"Make it worth my while? You mean pay back what's owed?"

Ouch.

"Only for a few more minutes. I think Jacob may vomit."

"Yeah, well, too bad for him. I was so angry I actually went for a run this morning trying to clear my head. I can't remember the last time I ran. Because of him, I think I pulled a groin muscle." I rubbed my crotch tenderly.

Bella rolled her eyes. "You and your groin, Cullen. I'll call the kids back down."

The two of us kept the charade going for another thirty minutes before I told them it was an April Fool's joke to get back at them for theirs. I did apologize to Charlotte for reading her diary and promised I wouldn't do it again. My toes were crossed, as was one of my hands behind my back.

"What about Mom feeling up Auntie Rosalie?" Charlotte asked.

"And Dad kissing Uncle Jasper?" Jacob looked green mentioning it.

Bella and I exchanged glances but said nothing. Instead, I gave them all a devious half smile. Jake dry heaved and asked to be excused; Charlotte followed him out of the room.

"Hey Jake?"

"What?" He sounded totally pissed at me.

"I was serious – if you like guys—"

"Dad! I'm. Not. Gay!"

I put my hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay. Gee, sensitive, much?"

Jacob gave me the middle finger as he stomped out of the room.

"Why was I included though?" Leah pouted. "What did I do to you?"

I laughed. "The whole 'I'm moving out with Adam' prank. You totally got me."

"Uh, Dad? I wasn't kidding about that."

I sat down on the couch. "Bella, call Jasper for me?"

I was going to need something a lot stronger than coffee. Fuck me.

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***I* thought this chapter rivalled the Man Cold. Your thoughts? Best one liner this chapter? **

**Next up: something a little different. Have you wondered what goes on in Bella's head? Well, next chapter you'll find out. I can't wait to share it with you.**

**I am having a pretty craptacular day - don't worry it's nothing that a whole lot of alcohol won't fix after I leave the office - so why don't you leave a review to cheer me up? I t****hank you all for your ongoing love and support. I never once thought this story would top 800 reviews. I'm flattered.**

xo


	24. Chapter 24

**The response to last chapter blew me away! So many kind reviews and I thank each and every one of you! Lolo84 and Capricorn75: Your pre-reading skills and beta work are greatly appreciated. Thank you for helping me with this story!**

**This chapter is a little different. Let's read from Bella's point of view this time!**

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**Chapter 24**

From my vantage point in bed, I could see into the en suite bathroom. Edward had finished in the shower; the steam still hung in the air and fogged up the mirror. He wiped it with one hand while brushing his teeth with the other. A white towel was wrapped loosely around his hips but I knew exactly what was hidden underneath, and I loved that I was the only one privy to it.

As Edward leaned over the sink to spit, his back curved and I could count the bumps of his vertebrae. His body, although matured, was still unbelievably sexy to me. From where I was, I couldn't see the definition of the muscles down his back but I knew they were there. I remembered the night before when Edward lay on top of me as we slowly made love. I had trailed my hands over his back and I could feel, as well as see, his amazing back porn. He'd recently taken up running again, so his ass, thighs, and calves were strong and muscular. His skin was pale, the summer tan long since faded, but I loved his body sun kissed or not. Hidden from me were his abs. Edward joked that his six-pack was more of a two pack but that's not true. Maybe they weren't as defined as they were in his teens and early twenties, but those lickable abs were still there. I distinctly remember trailing my fingers down them not that long ago, before my tongue followed the ridges.

Edward's hair was still wet; I watched as droplets of water fell from the ends and dripped on his shoulders, then rolled down his another towel, he rubbed it roughly over his head to dry his hair. He needed a haircut - his locks longer and shaggier than normal - but I loved it long. It reminded me of when we were first dating. Even though twenty plus years had passed since we'd met, his hair was always the same – temperamental. Hair products, like gels and waxes, did little to help and his hair stuck up with chaotic precision. On a good day it looked fuck-me hot and on a bad day it looked fuck-me hot. Win; win.

By way of the reflection in the mirror, I continued watching as Edward lathered shaving gel on his face - down one side of his strong, chiseled jaw, then the other; his chin and above his top lip followed. He heated the blade of his razor under steaming hot water and took a long swipe down the left side of his face. I pouted to myself because I liked him a little scruffy. I wasn't especially fond of the stubble against my cheek or neck but feeling it on the inside of my thighs was a total turn on.

There are many things that Edward Cullen can do well, but he can turn me on like no other. Whether he's saying 'good morning' with a raspy voice, telling me he loves me as we make love, or talking dirty over the phone, I still get butterflies in the pit of my stomach. I remember the first time I ever laid eyes on Edward way back in high school. It was at a school dance and the feelings that stirred within me then have never gone away. I hope they never do.

"Esme, who is that?" I had to yell above the sound of the thumping base and obnoxious music. Esme was one of my best friends – she befriended me in English Lit AP when no one else really had. I was fairly shy and kept to myself, nerdy even. The only reason I was at the dance was because my father was working another night shift and I didn't want to be the only kid at Forks High who wasn't at the dance. And maybe I was looking forward to the punch. I told you I was nerdy.

Esme's eyes followed to where I was pointing.

"That's Edward, I told you about him. He's Carlisle's brother."

"You didn't tell me he was good looking!"

By good looking, I meant drop-dead-gorgeous-make-your-panties-wet-fucking-hot. Seriously.

He was leaning against the wall in the gym where the dance was taking place, scowl on his face. Totally bad ass in ripped jeans, a black ZZ Top concert t-shirt that was tight across his chest, and hair that looked like he'd just had a quickie in the restroom. The aloof-don't-fuck-with-me look on his face coupled with the muscular arms that were folded across his chest made him look totally unapproachable.

And I wanted him. Bad.

I begged, and I mean _begged_, Esme to introduce us. She shook her head and dragged me out of the gym to the washroom for privacy.

"Bella, he's kind of a jerk."

"He's a cute jerk." I'd love to jerk him.

"Edward's not like Carlisle. He's more rebellious. I think he even smokes."

"Yeah, I don't care."

"Bella." Esme warned me with a motherly tone. "What's gotten into you? You're always such a good girl and now you're hot for some random guy?"

I shrugged because I couldn't explain the pull I felt toward him. I was in lust with him and I wanted to hand over my V-card and have his babies. Immediately.

"Please, Esme. I don't know what it is but there's something about him that's intrigued me. I could eat him up with a spoon." And fuck him against a wall.

Esme sighed but with a smile. "You know I felt the same way about Carlisle? Come on, let me talk to him and see if he'll dance with you. No promises, okay? He's not exactly pleased about being here – in Forks – that is. I think he left a girlfriend behind in Chicago, too."

My hopes weren't dashed and I literally skipped along beside her back to the gym. Esme walked up to him and whispered in his ear; I caught him looking in my direction and turned away. My cheeks flamed with embarrassment. What the hell was I doing? Esme was right, I was a good girl – I should be trying to date Mike Newton or someone more of my nerdy league. Edward was far too hot to want to …

A finger tapping me on my shoulder stopped my internal dialogue.

"Hey, uh, Esme over there, said there was a girl who, uh, wanted to dance with me. Did you want to, uh, dance with me?"

Oh my God! I covered my blushing cheeks with my hands and turned to walk away. Even his voice was perfect, how ridiculous was that!

Edward grabbed onto my arm – not hard – but hard enough so that I turned back to him and he tugged me to his chest. His hard, sculpted chest. I wanted to rip off his shirt and lick him.

"Please don't go." His mouth was at my ear as he begged me not to go. "It's just one dance; I promise I don't bite."

Damn it, because that sounded like a better plan. My throat was dry and I was scared something stupid would come out of my mouth, so I merely gave him a shy smile.

"I'm Edward, by the way."

Mrs. Edward Cullen. It was Cullen wasn't it? Yeah I'm pretty sure that was Carlisle's last name.

"I know. Sorry, I mean I know who you are - because of Esme. I'm not a stalker. I'm Isabella Swan but my friends call me Bella."

The smile he gave me made my heart flutter. Pretty sure I needed a fresh pair of panties, too.

"I don't have many friends here; may I call you Bella?"

You can call me your whore if you want.

Thank God I didn't say that, I politely nodded instead. We danced only two songs that night until Mike Fucking Newton pulled me away.. I wanted to deck that asshole for taking me away from the man I was ready to spread my legs for.

The next Monday it rained, of course- we were in Forks. I stashed my jacket in my locker and cut through the parking lot, purposely walking past Edward's car as he, Carlisle, and Esme were about to leave. Edward manually rolled down the driver's window and called to me. I ignored him. Why? Because I wanted him to run after me, capture me in his arms and kiss in the pouring rain. I read a lot of romance books, okay? Instead, he honked the horn and scared the living shit out of me. I might have actually required a new pair of panties.

"Bella! Want a lift?"

The rain had already soaked my t-shirt though so I agreed. Damn it, I wished I'd dressed in a white shirt – black didn't have the same effect but it did get me a ride. Carlisle got out of the front passenger seat, hopping into the back so I could sit up front with Edward. Edward turned the heater on and asked his brother to pass me his sweatshirt from the back seat. I thanked him as I put my arms though the armholes backwards, the slight smell of his cologne wafted up to my nose. Closing my eyes, I took his scent into my lungs.

"You okay?"

My eyes flew open and I looked over at Edward who was staring at me with one eyebrow raised and a smirk on his lips. God, that smirk was easily one of the sexiest things about him.

Esme giggled from the back seat as I said I was fine, perfectly fine. Edward didn't know it yet, but he was never getting his sweatshirt back. In fact, it was still tucked away in my closet.

He didn't ask me where I lived and actually drove right past my house. I could only assume he was taking me back to his house, hopefully directly to his bedroom. I should have been nervous or worried or something. But all I could think about was if my bra and panties matched.

The Cullens lived at the far end of town, about a fifteen minute drive – which is a long time to get anywhere in Forks. It's especially long when you're listening to slurping and moans coming from the backseat. Edward and I exchanged glances a few times. He'd rolled his eyes at me and turn the music up, hoping to drown them out. It didn't work.

When we arrived chez Cullen, Edward drove up the sprawling driveway. I had no idea the house was even hidden in those woods. At the front door, Esme and Carlisle hopped out, Esme with a stern look for Edward and a cautionary one to me. I still remember her parting words were 'Be good!' and to this day, I have no idea if that was meant for me or Edward.

"So, where do you live?"

I laughed. "Way back there." I gestured with my head behind us. Edward nodded and pulled the car around, backtracking to my house. As we sat in the car, we talked about everything from baseball (thankfully, I've converted him to the Mariners) to school to ex-girlfriends. Notice there was no mention of ex-boyfriends.

You see, the gorgeous man in my en suite bathroom who was trying hard to make his hair presentable for his meeting, was my first everything. Can you believe I'd never even kissed a boy before him? Esme called it – I was a good girl. That changed when I met Edward Anthony Masen Cullen.

I know it sounds completely ridiculous, but the night we met at the dance, I went home and wrote in my diary: _'Tonight I met the man I'm going to marry._' There wasn't a shadow of a doubt in my mind that I was going to be his wife.

Remember how I was disappointed in Edward for reading Charlotte's diary? The reason is because my father read mine. A diary is a sacred place for a girl to talk to her best friend – one who isn't catty and won't turn on you.

My dad – love him – always worked long hours. He often left me to fend for myself. He was, and is, a man of few words. He will give you the shirt off his back without question simply because he doesn't feel like talking to you. But he loved me and kept tabs on me as best he knew how. And what better way to keep tabs on your sixteen-year old daughter than by reading her journal.

I snicker now, thinking about what it must have been like for him to read my boring-as-watching-paint-dry journal entries.

_Today, I watched a baby bird that had fallen out of a tree try to fly again. It was so sad and I wanted to help it and then the momma bird came and they flew away together._

_Today I got an A on my English Lit assignment. Darn it, I wanted an A+_

_There's a dance at school tomorrow. No one asked me to go with them but I'll go anyways. I can't dance but maybe the punch will be good_.

And then:

_Tonight I met the man I'm going to marry. His name is Edward. Edward Cullen. He's so hot. Oh my God I want to kiss him and lick him and bump my tongue down those delicious abs I felt when we were dancing. And I want to grab a fistful of his ass. And then I want to have him lay me down and fuck me senseless._

I was a virgin, completely inexperienced, and writing that! But the sex appeal of that boy was, and is, off the charts.

Poor Edward. He never could figure out why my father hated him so much right from the start. Imagine reading those words in your kid's diary! I'm surprised my dad didn't have a heart attack right then and there. And, no, I've never told Edward the truth. Let's keep that between you, me, and dear Diary, okay?

I only found out about my dad snooping because he approached me two days later. Dad knocked on the doorframe of my bedroom where I was lying on my bed, practicing writing my name as Bella Cullen over and over again in pink and purple ink.

"I wanted to talk to you. How's school?" He didn't enter the room, just sort of leaned up against the frame with his arms crossed over his chest. I sat up on my bed, cross-legged, and closed my diary.

"Good. I got an A on my English assignment." I shrugged.

"Who's Edward?"

Blunt and to the point, that's my dad. Funny, how I married a younger version of my father.

"Wh-what?"

"Edward Cullen. Who is he?" His voice was very policeman like.

"Just a kid at school." I tried to downplay my sheer love for a boy I'd met only days earlier. My father wasn't buying it.

"Has he touched you?"

I wish.

"No."

"Have you touched him?"

Again, I wish.

"No. What's this about?"

I toyed with the string that wrapped around my diary as I waited for him to answer. Then I understood – he'd read my private thoughts. Oh my God, my lustful, inappropriate eyes blazed with anger and my cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

"Charlie Swan! Did you snoop in my diary?"

My dad never tried to pretend he hadn't and to this day has yet to apologize for his actions. Instead, he cleared his throat as he entered my room without invitation. He grabbed my desk chair and sat down across from me.

"I knew this day would come. I almost wish Renee were here. God, no I don't. Shit, here goes nothing." Dad ran his fingers through his hair as he mumbled to himself.

Never, in a hundred and nine years, did I guess what was coming next.

"Bella, you're turning into a young woman and this is going to be awkward for both of us, but it needs to be said. Sex—" My dad wrinkled his noses and looked everywhere except at me.

"Oh God! Dad, please stop."

He held his hand up. "I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without using a barrier of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill him. Capisce?"

I nodded.

"I want to meet this Edward, run a background check, you know."

"FYI, we haven't even kissed yet."

He snorted, his eyes flickering toward my diary. "Yeah right."

"Honest."

"You can't lie to a police officer, Bells. Besides, I know what I read there, young lady."

"I'm a virgin, okay?"

The words fell out of my mouth and my dad and I both turned a bright shade of red.

"Okay then. I'm going to go watch the game. Goodnight."

"Night."

End sex talk. Thank God.

A kiss on my forehead brought me back to the present.

"Morning, beautiful. Where were you just now?" Edward walked to his closet to get dressed. He was meeting with Rosalie to sign the publishing contract for his next book.

"Nowhere, just thinking."

He smiled at me over his shoulder as he slipped on a crisp, white button up shirt. When he dropped his towel, I audibly groaned. Edward turned, smirk on his lips and blessed me with a full monty. Damn.

With the crook of my finger, I beckoned him to me but Edward wagged a finger at me instead. I pouted as he ignored me and stepped into a pair of white boxer briefs.

"Sorry, sweetheart. I have to leave in five minutes if I'm going to be on time."

His black dress pants, perfectly pressed, were pulled on next. As good as Edward looks naked put him into a suit and tie and he was that much more delicious.

"Stop pouting. You know I can't be late for this." Edward sat down on the edge of the bed, facing me. He brushed my hair off my face and smiled at me. Sitting up, I reached over and fingered the collar of his shirt.

"I promise, as soon as I get home, we'll celebrate. Maybe act out a scene or two." His left eyebrow lifted up.

"If you can't wait until then, feel free to please yourself." He jerked his head toward the bottom, locked drawer of his nightstand were we kept a few toys.

"You know none of them measure up to you."

"I know but just the idea of you doing that makes me hard."

I couldn't help but to notice the bulge in his pants and grinned.

"Maybe I'll start right now." I kicked off the blankets and my hands disappeared into my panties as I leaned back against the pillows. I knew he couldn't resist watching, which always turned into participating.

"Damn it." A quiet curse under his breath and he was already unbuttoning his shirt and shimmying out of his pants.

"Do me a favor and don't touch the hair."

I chuckled because he knew that was next to impossible. I made no promises.

After I brought myself to orgasm, with some assistance from Edward, I went down on him. Right in the middle, his cell phone rang. There was more cursing and he apologized, telling me he had to answer it. My advances didn't stop.

"Edward uh ….Cullen." I love that he almost forgot his name.

"Sorry, Rosalie, I'm running late. Uh huh. Thank you, I…..ahh, I appreciate that. Okay, bye."

He ended the call abruptly and his phone was tossed into the blankets.

"You're a bad girl, Isabella."

I loved when he called me that. I realize it's my name but coming from him it was sinful. Since I couldn't talk with my mouth full, I hummed against him.

"Fuck!"

Edward ended up being half an hour late but we were both fully satisfied. Unfortunately, his hair didn't make it out unscathed.

I walked with him downstairs and we kissed at the front door. The kiss was tender and chaste and left me wanting more. With that husband of mine, I was always left wanting more.

I brewed a fresh pot of coffee and when it was ready, I sat at the kitchen table with a steaming mug filled with cream and far too much sugar.

As I sat there with my coffee, I rememberd when I first met Edward, it was a case of judging a book by its cover - ironic now, considering his profession. Although it was his looks that drew me in, so much more kept me enthralled. He was witty, charming and sarcastic, yet sweet and kind to a fault, not to mention all the subtle things that make me fall in love with him a little more each day. The way he puts his hand on the small of my back or laces his fingers with mine. The look in his eyes that tells me, without words, without doubt, that he loves me. The way he lightly licks my collarbone before he places a kiss there. The gentle touch of his fingers, tracing down the side of my cheek when we make love. It's the little things, ya know?

Now, that doesn't mean I don't give him shit every once in a while. Like coming home completely shit-faced at one thirty in the morning with my teenaged son in tow. "A couple of beers" my ass. Emmett and Jacob had to help him into the house and up three flights of stairs to our bedroom. There, he proceeded to paw at me – in front of Jacob - slurring his undying love and then promptly fell dead asleep, sideways on the bed, snoring very unattractively. And yet, until my dying days, I will profess my love for him. He is my always and forever. Even if he does fart in bed. A lot.

"Morning, Mom."

Leah's voice brought me out of my daydream. I smiled at my oldest daughter. She had always been my earliest riser and I love that we quite often get one-on-one time before the other kids get up. Over my coffee and her orange juice, we chatted about school, the latest episode of _**True Blood**_ and wished it would get better and, more importantly, about the love of her life. Her happiness radiated off of her and she absentmindedly fiddled with the charm bracelet on her wrist as we talked.

My baby girl was in love. Unlike Edward, I loved watching my little girl maturing into a grown woman who would one day be married and starting her own family. Sure, it was bittersweet as I remembered her in pigtails and smock dresses but I also loved chatting with the daughter I now considered my friend.

"So, things are going well with Adam?"

"Oh, Mom, you have no idea. He's like the best thing that's ever happened to me. Ad is sweet, generous, kind and loving. He always treats me like I'm a queen. You know, he's an awful lot like Dad, minus the sarcasm, lopsided grin, one raised eyebrow, and grey hair."

I couldn't help but to smile. All I ever wanted was for my children to feel an ounce of the love that I feel for their father.

"Aww, I like your dad's sarcasm and one-liners. And his cocked eyebrow—" I fanned myself and winked at Leah.

"Maybe one day I'll appreciate them more. Do you think Dad's come to accept the fact that Adam and I are moving in together in the fall?"

I snorted a laugh. "What do you think?"

"He knows we love each other, right? Adam's not some random guy I'm shacking up with. I have plans to marry him."

"Your dad knows you love each other and that's what's so hard. You and Charlotte will always be his little girls. Not that long ago you were declaring that you were going to marry him one day."

Leah shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Obviously that can't happen."

"He knows that but to him you'll always be that sweet, innocent six-year old little girl who thinks all boys but him are gross."

"I'm not exactly all that innocent and I definitely don't think boys are gross."

I shook my head at her. "Please don't let your father hear you say that."

"I know better."

We were quiet for a moment or two as we both stared off into space.

"You know what I regret more than anything?"

"What's that, hon?"

"Giving my virginity to James. Adam was a virgin and it would have been nice to give him mine, you know?"

Actually, I don't know because Edward and I were each other's firsts. But one of the skills you learn as a mom is to make it sound like you know what you're talking about even if you don't. Moms can talk out of their asses and make complete bullshit sound like God's given truth. Funny, Jacob had the same ability.

"It is what it is, Leah. You can't live your life with regrets. James was an asshole to you and it served to show you that you deserved far better than what he was giving you. We have the lows in our life – James – so that we can fully appreciate the highs – Adam."

Leah smiled as she checked the time. "I guess you're right. I should get a move on. Adam and I are going out for breakfast and then shopping for a few things for our new place."

"Please hide them from your dad, okay?"

Leah nodded before she went to have her shower. A few minutes later, Charlotte padded barefoot into the kitchen, still in her pajamas. Like Edward, she was not a morning person and sunk down in the chair beside me with a grunt.

"Want me to get you some breakfast?" I offered. She smiled at me as she tied her bed-head hair back into a messy bun, asking me for a bowl of cereal. As I stood up to get it for her, I kissed the top of her head and rested my hands on her shoulders for a moment. How could the beautiful sixteen-year old girl before me be my baby?

With two kids before her I always felt so much more relaxed as Charlotte's mom. By then, I was confident that Edward and I wouldn't (totally) screw her up. By the time she came around, I had figured out a few things. I knew she would be just fine if I couldn't pick her up when I was in the middle of making dinner and a few tears at bedtime never hurt anyone. Saying that, I also snuggled her more; simply because I knew she was my last. At sixteen, things weren't always easy for us, and we butted heads daily, but I knew that in time she would start thinking of me as someone she could confide in more and more.

I grabbed Charlotte a bowl of Coco Puffs and milk – her favorite – and sat down beside her. It had been a while since I'd had some one-on-one time with Charlotte. She wasn't always the most forth coming with information. I hoped we could talk and share like Leah and I had just done.

"Thanks, Mom."

"No problem. How was your date with Paul last night?"

Whereas Edward still wasn't pleased about their pairing, I was okay with it. Yes, he was far more experienced than I would have liked, but he was like Emmett in more ways than one. Both had a big, generous heart. They both worked hard, played hard, and loved hard. And exactly like his dad, Paul was a gentle soul and had shown nothing but respect to my daughter- and that was all I could ask.

Charlotte's full lips turned up in a smile. "Good."

"Where did you go?"

"Pike Place Market."

"Nice."

"Uh huh."

"What did you do there?"

"Not much."

Her short answers were driving me crazy.

"You've been dating a while now."

Charlotte answered me with her mouth full.

"Uh huh, five months."

"And? How are things?"

"Good."

"And romantically, how are things going?"

Charlotte gave me a look. It said I'm-not-going-to-say-a-word-because-I-don't-trust-you-not-to-tell-daddy-who-will-freak-out-about-any-touching-that-happens-below-the-neck. She was probably right.

"You know, your dad and I don't share every thing."

I put it out there and left the ball in her court as I finished up my coffee. Charlotte continued to eat her cereal in silence. Damn, she was a stubborn little thing; exactly like Edward. The lack of conversation made me think that her and Paul were doing a lot more than kissing. I started to understand why fathers read their daughters diaries.

"Char, you know you can talk to me about anything."

"I know."

"And I can keep a secret with the best of them."

I really could! I'd never told anyone about the time Alice and Jasper had sex in the staff room at school – the real reason why I always chose to eat lunch in my classroom, ick. And Rosalie's admission that Emmett once wore her thong underwear for an entire day will go with me to my grave.

And I certainly had never told anyone about the strange sex Edward and I had when he was first starting to as in he'd have to stop part way through going down on me, or ask me to pause in the middle of a blow-job so he could jot down notes.I can't tell you how many times a pen was in bed with us. More than a few times, he'd video taped us so he could watch my face as I reached orgasm so he could study it later, frame by frightening frame.

I tell you, the life of the wife of an erotic novelist wasn't exactly glamorous.

"Anyways, I just wanted you to know I'm here if you need me. Any time."

"Thanks."

Okay, seriously? Trying to get information from her was like trying to extract her back molars. I was going to take an Edward-like approach.

"So, are you two having sex?"

Blunt. Edward would have been proud. Charlotte certainly wasn't expecting that and she choked on her cereal.

"Wh-what?"

"You heard me. I was trying to be discreet but obviously you prefer the more direct route."

"Apparently."

"Well, are you?"

Charlotte lifted her bowl to her mouth and drank the last of her milk that way. She set her dish back on the table and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand before she answered me.

"Not that it's any of your business—" She paused to glare at me.

I wanted to tell her that I pushed her big fat head through my vagina, thank you very much. So it was my business until she was a married woman no longer living under my roof, but Charlotte continued.

"But no, we're not."

Good news. Edward would be pleased to hear that. I know I said I could keep a secret but I lied. Of course Edward knew about Emmett and the thong. He didn't know about Alice and Jasper simply because I knew he'd only want to emulate them, or worse, try to top their antics.

"Okay then."

"We do lots of other stuff though." Char's smirk was a copycat of Edward's.

"Stuff?" I was almost scared to ask.

"Uh huh. Are you sure you want to talk about this?"

When in doubt, answer a question with a question.

"Are _you_ sure you want to talk about this?"

"Whatever. I'm sure Dad will eventually find my diary and read all about it anyways."

"I've talked to him about that and told him not to."

Charlotte snorted. "Like that'll stop him. Anyways, Paul and I are experimenting, you know."

I didn't know, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know but I did. Kind of.

"Enlighten me."

"We've gotten as far as oral sex."

Oh God. Maybe I wanted her to stop talking. Dare I ask if she meant giving or receiving? I cringed inside.

"And we do a lot of dry humping, although I'm not sure why they call it 'dry.'"

I held my hand up. "Thanks, Char."

She grinned widely, knowing that she'd given me too much information.

"You asked."

"I did." And almost wished I hadn't. "Sounds like things are moving along quickly. You know you can say 'no' any time you want and if you ever need someone to talk to before you take the next monumental step, I'm here."

Charlotte's face softened a little as she realized I meant no harm, I was only offering to listen if she needed someone.

"Thank you. I actually have no plans on having sex, just so you know. And please, feel free to tell Dad. I've been completely up front with Paul, too. I'm not a cock-tease, by any means; he knows exactly how far I'm willing to go. I don't know if he's 'the one' or not but until I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I'm not giving him something I can't ever get back. I don't even know if I love Paul, although I do love spending time with him. And I'm really enjoying how he makes me feel, heh heh, but sex isn't on high on my list of priorities right now."

"It's high on mine. Morning, Mom." Jacob's gruff voice interrupted us and he came over and kissed my cheek sweetly. "What's for breaky?"

"Good morning, son. Want some cereal, too?"

"Thanks, Ma. So, Char, are you really not spreading your legs for Paul? You make the poor guy spank the spam?"

"Jacob!" I smacked the back of his head with my hand for using such vulgar terms but tucked 'spank the spam' away to share with Edward later. It was one I know he'd appreciate.

"I'm just teasing, baby sis. Keep on denying, make him work for it."

"Shut up, Jake. Just because you're already getting your rocks off with Nessie doesn't give you the right to make fun of me for holding out."

Hold up a second. Hadn't Jacob and Vanessa only met a few weeks before?

"Charlotte, can you give your brother and I a few minutes?"

"No problem. Jerk face."

I fixed Jacob a bowl of Cheerios and milk and me a second cup of coffee – I had a feeling I was going to need it – before I sat across from him.

They say your first-born holds a special spot in your heart simply because they were your first. The last one will always be your baby and for that reason they have their own spot carved in. Then there's the 'poor middle child' the one who's often forgotten. Well, that certainly wasn't the case for me. Perhaps because Jacob was my only boy he has his designated spot in my heart, but really it's because he's a whole lot like Edward, not so much in looks but personality wise.

Jacob is a little rebellious, witty, carefree, a momma's boy, and handsome to boot. Like his dad, I noted he needed a haircut but again, I liked it a bit longer. He was clad in his boxers and nothing else, not ashamed of his physique, nor should he be. His body reminded me of Edward's back in the day. Bulky arms, nipple ring, well defined six-pack abs, and expansive chest. Nipple ring? Nipple ring! What the fuck?

"What the hell is that?" I almost reached over and ripped the hoop out. I'm sure it would have hurt but the scarring would be minimal.

"Oh shit." Jacob looked down at his chest, knowing he was busted.

"When did you do that?"

"A while ago."

"More importantly why?"

Jacob shrugged.

"Does your father know about that?"

I could only imagine the words that would come out of his mouth.

"Kind of."

And he didn't tell me? You can bet we'd be having a chat about that later.

"And he didn't make you remove it?"

"We have an agreement." Jacob shrugged again as I eyed him curiously. "I'm blackmailing him with the knowledge of EA Masen and he promised not to tell you about the ring. He also mentioned you have a well-hidden tattoo. Interesting." He cocked an eyebrow, looking more like Edward than I'd see before.

"This is getting off topic."

Mom's are great for re-directing conversations, aren't we?

"So, you and Vanessa are already intimate?"

He gave me a huge grin, flashing the slight dimple in his left cheek.

"Yep."

"You don't think you're rushing into anything? You and Rachel only recently broke up."

"Uncle Carlisle called it 'back in the saddle.'"

I was going to kill Carlisle.

"I don't think that's what he meant."

Jacob shrugged. "It's open for interpretation."

I rubbed my hands over my face.

"Mom, I'm careful. We use a condom every time. Don't worry, I have no plans to make you a grandmother any time soon."

"Somehow, that's not very reassuring."

"Look mom, I'm no Charlotte. I love sex – what? Don't give me that look. You and Dad always say we can talk to you about anything. I'm just being honest here."

"I do appreciate that." The kid was honest to a fault.

I repeated to myself that we wanted the kids to feel comfortable enough to talk to us about anything. Damn it though, why did sex have to be included in that? I was thankful he didn't come to me when he was ten asking how to masturbate and wanted a tutorial. Talking I could do, demonstrating – hell to the no.

"Like I said, I love sex. It's so much better than self-pleasurvation. But I don't love babies. Ethan's cute and all but he's so much work. You have to feed him and clean up after him and take care of him all the time. Do you know how exhausting it must be to be at someone's beck and call?"

"I have an idea, yes."

"And did you know that he pissed on dad once? Fucking gross."

"Language, Jacob."

"Sorry, but that's disgusting."

"Back to you and Vanessa."

"She goes by Nessie."

I wrinkled my nose, poor kid. It sucked when a stupid nickname stuck. That was exactly why I refused to let Edward continue to call Jacob 'Wolfie' when he was little. Jacob tended to growl in his sleep and Edward thought it was a cute nickname. I disagreed and insisted on his real name.

"How old is Nessie? Is she in school? Tell me all about her. I've only met her a few times."

Jacob's face lit up. "She's twenty-one. Probably the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, besides you." Jacob paused to wink at me – a flirt just like his father. "She's an only child. Works as an esthetician and owns her own spa. It's called 'Obsessed' and apparently it's fairly busy."

I nodded, as I took a sip of my coffee as Jacob smiled to himself, obviously thinking of his girl.

"Are you in love with her?"

Jacob shoveled another bite into his mouth.

"I don't know. I thought I was in love with Rachel but what the hell do I know? I like Nessie, a lot. Things between us feel, I don't know, different." Jacob scratched his head as he tried to find the words. "I can't explain it but you know what I mean?"

I nodded. "Just take things slow."

Jake grinned. God, he had the same sense of humor as Edward.

"I mean hold on to your heart. You're still young, you don't have to give it away to anyone yet. Enjoy what you're feeling."

Bigger grin. "Oh, I am."

I rolled my eyes. "You are as incorrigible as your father."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"You're using protection?"

"Every time. "

Jacob's cell phone rang and he smiled as he looked at the caller ID. "It's Nessie. Thanks for breakfast, Mom. I love you."

"I love you, too, baby. And Jake?"

"Huh?"

"Don't be piercing anything else unless you want me to go completely postal on your ass."

"Sure thing, Mom."

Jacob came around the table and kissed my cheek as he answered his call and went upstairs, leaving me alone once again. Well, not entirely alone - I did have the dirty breakfast dishes to contend with. Honestly, I didn't mind because it was nice to have had the one to one time with each of my kids, even if I did learn more than I wanted to.

The day did get remarkable better when Edward called to say he was delayed at his meeting. And by remarkably better, I mean I got him a little hot and bothered with a little phone sex. I couldn't wait until he arrived home to finish what I'd started.

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**Next chapter picks up with Edward's point of view after he left the house for his meeting. At that meeting, we meet Tanya (my apologies to those who didn't want her to make an appearance). NOTE: There is no cheating! She will flirt with Edward (and he'll be clueless as per usual) she's HARMLESS.**

**If you chose to review, and I really hope you do because I love hearing from you, tell me where you heard about my story. There have been a lot of new followers along for the ride and I'd love to know who sent you to me!**

**And I don't do this often but this is a story I think you all should read. It's called 'In The Debris' by the ridiculously talented BelieveItOnNot www(space) /s/7915341/1/In_the_Debris  
It's the story of friendship -Edward and Bella, James and Victoria. The writing blows me away every chapter. Her words so poignant that I can only handle reading a few chapters at a time because I need time to digest the pure beauty of what she has written. This author is someone I truly admire.**

**Until next time. Thank you for reading!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Many thanks for all the reviews that pushed this story over the 1000 mark! Ridiculously excited about that - THANK YOU ALL! My appreciation also goes to Lolo84 and Capricorn75 xoxoxo This next chapter you get introduced to Tanya. Read on...**

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**Chapter 25 **

Damn, Bella and her antics made me late for my meeting. Do I sound concerned? Because I'm not. It was totally worth it even if it left me with hair that looked liked I'd just been fucked. Oh wait, I had.

I pulled into the parking lot where our meeting was being held. With E.A. Masen being so secretive, Rosalie rented out a private room of a local restaurant for each of our contract signing. She met me outside with a wagging of her finger and a grin on her face. She knew exactly why I was late.

"Nice of you to join us, Mr. Cullen." She reached up and tried to fix my hair, a futile attempt. I half expected her to lick her fingers, then try and use the spit to coerce it into place but thank God, she didn't. Instead, she rolled her eyes at my locks.

"Yeah, sorry about being late. I—"

"I don't need the details. You can write out it for your next novel like you always do." She gave me an exaggerated wink. "Before we go in, there's something I need to talk to you about." Rosalie's smile was getting bigger by the second.

"Okay? What's up? You look like you're about to burst."

"I might. Okay, does the name Tanya Denali ring any bells for you?" She looked at me expectantly – apparently it was a name that I was supposed to recognize.

"No…why?"

"Tanya Denali is a big shot Hollywood producer. She's produced countless movies including 'The Notebook' by Nicholas Sparks."

"I know Nick, he's a great guy." I liked to think our writing styles were similar except my characters got down and dirty.

"Anyways, Ms Denali's people and I have been in talks since yesterday, and late last night she called me personally. Edward, she wants to meet you. I don't know for certain but I'm guessing she wants to turn one of your books into a movie."

"Shut up!" I was at a loss for intelligent words.

"Imagine Quinn on the big screen." Rose fanned herself and I chuckled. "Tanya's hoping to meet with you today after we finish up with the paperwork for the new novel. She's only in town for a few hours before she heads back to L.A. Do you think you can fit her in?"

"Gee, Rosalie. Someone wants to make one of my books into a movie—"

"Not just someone, Edward. Tanya Fucking Denali."

"Still doesn't mean a lot to me but I'll certainly make the time to meet with her."

Rosalie was bouncing on the balls of her feet, clearly excited.

"This could be huge for you, Edward, huge!"

I smirked to myself and wanted to insert another 'that's what she said' comment but didn't. Pretty sure Rose know what my goofy smirk was about because she shook her head at me.

"For us, Rose, huge for us. You were the one who took a chance on me all those years ago. If it wasn't for you, I'd probably still be working at the sporting goods store."

"Well, remember little old me when you're rich and famous." Rose hugged me before she sent off a text to Tanya Denali, or her people, I didn't know which. An immediate reply came back – confirmation that we would be meeting her in two hours. I was pretty sure Rosalie might spontaneously combust from excitement before then.

I held the door open for Rose and she took my arm as we walked to the private dining room. My lawyer, another agent from Eclipse, and their lawyer all stood up as I entered the room, making me feel far more important than I really was.

The contract signing for the book, including each of them signing confidentiality agreements, took all of twenty minutes – sign here, here, here and here – and with my check in hand, it was a done deal, thank you very much. We had breakfast together and then, after firm handshakes, the three gentlemen left. Rosalie and I had time alone before the apparently-famous-but-I'd-never-heard-of-her Tanya Denali was due to arrive.

Rosalie and I chatted, mostly about how she was doing. No need to talk about me because I was doing great. I had a big, fat check sitting in my back pocket and a Hollywood producer wanting to make one of my books into a movie.

Rose admitted Ethan was still a big crier - a momma's boy like Emmett, she joked – but now that she was at work again full-time, the nanny dealt with the brunt of it.

"So, you're not feeling too overwhelmed?"

She gave me a genuine smile. "I'm fine, Edward. Really I am. You're very sweet to be as concerned as you are."

I shrugged. "I worry about my friends."

"Thank you. I really am okay. Now, let's talk about where you're taking me for our dinner tomorrow night." We had a standing tradition that after every book deal I took her and Emmett out for a celebratory meal. Fucking Emmett always ordered the most expensive item and bottle of wine to go with.

"What am I going to owe you if this movie deal happens?"

"Don't you worry, I'll think of something."

I half expected that she would pawn Ethan off on me.

"I heard the kids got you good for April Fool's day." Rose snorted out a laugh.

"The little shits got me good, alright. Then, after we sent them on their way, Bella and I realized we never actually got confirmation from Jacob on whether or not Rachel was actually pregnant. We called him back down and he told me it was all made up. See, Rach called that morning and told me she needed to talk to Jake about something very important. Turns out she wanted her LMFAO CD back." I rolled my eyes at how Rachel made it sound soooo important that she talk to Jacob. Ridiculous.

"Come on, Edward. To a kid, that is very important. What if someone had your _Bon Jovi_'Slippery When Wet' tape, back in the day?"

I shrugged; Rose grinned.

"Let me put this in terms you will understand. What if someone had you _Tiffany_ album, hmmm?"

"That's different. You can't compared LMFAO to Tiffany." She wasn't serious?

"You know what? I don't have time to make fun of your very poor choice in music right now. Tanya will be here in a few minutes. I'm going to fix my make up - I have to look good for Ms. Hollywood. I'll be right back."

After Rosalie stepped out, I called Bella to let her know I was delayed. I didn't relay why in case nothing became of the meeting.

"I wish you were home. All three kids are out and about. It's a shame to waste an empty house." Her voice was low and raspy, almost pouty. Although she hadn't said anything inappropriate, her voice was bordering on indecent and I'm pretty sure I groaned into the receiver.

"What would we be doing if I was home?"

"Fucking."

Damn it, I loved when Bella cursed. She didn't do it often but when she did it was H.O.T.

I cleared my throat. "Oh really?"

"Uh huh. In my head, you've already gone down on me, your mouth and your fingers making me come hard and fast."

"You know I love feeling you come and watching your beautiful face as you do. What else?" I stood up and started pacing around the room as I waited to hear what other naughty things she had to say.

"I go down on you next. I take you into my mouth, my tongue swirling your head, and up and down your thick shaft. My hands are gripped around you tight, moving in tandem with my mouth."

Shit.

"I'm getting all wet thinking about it."

"Yeah, well I'm hard just listening to you, baby. I have half a mind to blow this popsicle stand, come home to you, and have you make good on your words."

"Oh, I will. Think we can do it backwards? We haven't done that in while."

Bella's ass up in the air? Fuck to the hell yes. My dick and I were already looking forward to it.

"Absolutely. You know it's one of my favorite positions. I love pounding into you that way. I get so deep—"

"Ahem!"

The 'ahem' wasn't from Bella and it sure as hell didn't sound like Rosalie either.

Slowly I turned around and came face to face with a women who looked as though she had stepped off the cover of People magazine's 50 most beautiful. She was flawless. From her poker straight, not a strand out of place, reddish-blond hair, to her porcelain skin, to the tailor made outfit. Her black business suit, with a white button up blouse, was paired with six-inch stilettos that made us almost the same height. There was a hint of a smirk on her face but her eyes – a striking color that was a mix of amber ale and caramel – were sparkling with amusement.

"Baby, I've gotta go. They're ready for me." I clicked off my phone and laughed nervously, trying to stand so that my semi-boner wasn't totally obvious.

"You're certainly ready for something."

Behind my blushing cheeks, I smiled back as I held my phone up.

"My wife," I explained sheepishly.

"I see."

"I'm, uh, Edward Cullen." I held my hand out to her and she took it, grasping it tightly. I had no idea what the proper etiquette was – should I kiss one or both cheeks? Her hand? Bow before her? I opted for a quick kiss on her left cheek.

"Tanya Denali."

Of course she was. And I was shaking her hand while sporting a semi. Brilliant.

"May I assume you're also E.A. Masen?"

"The one and only." The one and only jackass who shakes her hand with a boner.

"Well, this is a nice surprise." Her eyes roamed up and down my body in a way that made me feel like a piece of meat. I shifted uncomfortably and cocked her an eyebrow.

"What's a nice surprise?"

"In my experience, usually when someone uses a pen name, they're hiding six hundred pounds, rotten teeth, or are totally unattractive. You're far from unattractive." Her tongue poked out as she licked her lips. I prayed to the powers that be that Rosalie returned quickly before I was man-handled.

I laughed nervously and drew my hands through my hair. "Uh, thank you?"

As if hearing my silent prayer for help, Rosalie appeared with a server who brought three ice waters with a slice of lemon on each of the tall glasses. Rose looked at my hair and shook her head at the mess I'd made of it before she introduced herself to our guest.

"Ms. Denali? I'm Rosalie McCarty; we spoke on the phone. It's an honor to meet you."

After they shook hands, Rose suggested we take our seats so we could talk. Rosalie and I sat on one side of the table with Tanya directly across from me.

"Thank you for seeing me on such short notice." Tanya gave a smile, which revealed gleaming white, perfect teeth.

"Absolutely. Edward and I were more than happy to make time for you."

"Yes, thank you for your interest in one of my stories."

"Actually, my interest is in you specifically, Edward. May call you Edward?" Tanya leaned over the tabletop, folding her hands in front of her. Even her hands were perfect – long fingernails with pristine white tips.

"Yes, that's preferred. No one actually calls me E.A. Masen." Although a few times Bella has used it in the heat of the moment but she didn't need to know that.

"What do you mean your interest is in him specifically? Naturally, we assumed you were interested in one of his stories."

"Oh, I'm interested." There was a look on her face that made me raise an eyebrow. "In the story of E.A. Masen."

I looked at Rosalie. That wasn't what we'd been expecting.

"I don't understand." I waited for an explanation.

"Exactly what I said. I'm interested in getting to know E.A. Masen on a more intimate level, so to speak."

Was Tanya Denali hitting on me?

"I want to know the man who's written all these romantic, erotic books. Where does he pull his ideas from? Is he looking for some new inspiration for his next novel, perhaps?"

When her phone rang, Tanya answered it in front of us, holding her finger up so we wouldn't interrupt her. Holding my phone in my lap, I sent Rosalie a text. Yes, I know she was sitting beside me but I couldn't risk Tanya hearing me if I spoke.

_**E: Is she hitting on me?**_

Rosalie's phone instantly vibrated on the tabletop. As she read the text, her lips turned up in a slight smile. Still all business-like, she typed back a quick reply.

_**R: Has it been so long that you've forgotten?**_

_**E: Apparently. Is she?**_

_**R: Stop texting me.**_

_**E: But is she?**_

Honestly, I had no idea.

"Are you sexting your wife now?" Tanya wondered with wagging eyebrows.

I blushed and mumbled 'no.'

"I only ask because most people don't look down at their crotch and smile. Although, your crotch may be smile worthy."

Gulp.

"As I was saying, I'd like to get to know E.A. Masen. Maybe come to your home, meet the family."

Yeah, right. Jacob would no doubt jizz in his pants if he met Miss Sex-On-A-Stick.

"I don't think so." I shook my head emphatically.

"Edward isn't totally opposed to it."

"I'm not?"

Rosalie shook her head.

"Ms. Denali—"

She interrupted me."Tanya, please."

"Okay then, Tanya, my alias has been kept under wraps for two decades."

"And I'd like to be the one to unwrap that." One eyebrow quirked up suggestively. "I'm willing to make it worth your while."

I wondered if 'worth your while' was cash or sexual favors.

"Why do you want to reveal him so badly?"

Tanya shrugged and leaned back in her chair.

"Honestly, I want to be known as the woman who finally exposes the elusive E.A. Masen. And now that I've met the man behind the words—" She paused. "May I be blunt?"

"It's my middle name." Along with Dumb Ass but she didn't need to know that.

"You're fucking hot. A gorgeous man who writes brilliant erotica; a man who has a wife and kids and still engages in a little phone sex once in a while—"

"Pfff, phone sex." Rosalie rolled her eyes but Tanya tilted her head and smirked at me. If I could have read Rose's mind I'm pretty sure I would have heard her calling me an idiot. And for the record, after our meeting was over, she did.

"Trust me, the public will eat that up. I want to eat that up." With her eyes, she'd already started.

I felt a little warm so I tugged at my tie, loosening it from around my neck.

"I guess some would consider Edward good looking, in a quirky, writer kind of way."

I leveled her a look. Come on, Rosalie, I thought to myself. Call me hot, she did.

"Quirky or not, he's hot. And I want him."

Rosalie got defensive on my behalf. "What if you can't have him?"

"Everything and everyone has a price."

"This isn't 'Indecent Proposal', Ms. Denali. You can't buy Edward."

Tanya looked insulted.

"First of all, that was a terrible movie. And second, there was only a million on their bargaining table."

I gulped. 'Only a million?' Surely she was joking. She had my attention, and she knew it. Tanya focused her eyes on me.

"Tell me about yourself, Edward. You're married?"

"Happily." Rosalie interjected before I could.

"Yes, almost twenty-two years. We're high school sweethearts."

"His wife's name is Bella."

Tanya ignored Rosalie and continued questioning me.

"How many kids?"

"Three. My oldest daughter just turned twenty, my son is eighteen and about to graduate high school, and my baby is sixteen."

"This couldn't be more perfect. Any funny kid anecdotes?"

I snorted. "Maybe a few. I could write a book about all the dumb shit my son does."

"And your girls – any funny stories there? I can only imagine how protective you'd be of your daughters."

"You have no idea," Rosalie said.

"For the most part we've been lucky. In fact, both my girls are dating two of Rosalie's sons. And although I hate to admit this, they are decent boys."

Rose smiled and whispered a 'thank you' to me.

"How long have you two worked together?"

"My whole career."

"You work closely and exclusively with one another and your kids are romantically linked. What a tangled web the two of you have woven. Just between us, any indiscretions?" She wagged her index finger between Rosalie and I.

"Absolutely not. I love my wife."

"Hell no."

Did Rosalie have to sound so disgusted? Really? I mean, I had made her 'top two' list once upon a time.

Tanya waved her hands. "Wouldn't bother me if you had. I'm no stranger to indiscretions."

No shit, Sherlock. I know a home wrecker when I meet one.

"We haven't." I reiterated. "Ever."

"I'm sorry if I've offended you." She directed her apology at me, not Rose, and I could feel my friend seething beside me.

"Why did you want to meet him, Ms. Denali?"

Tanya's finger wiped at the condensation on the outside of her glass and she sucked her finger into her mouth seductively before she answered.

"Like I said, I want you, Edward. More specifically, I want to do a documentary on the man behind the books."

Shaking my head, I respectfully disagreed.

"Honestly, the real life of E.A. Masen isn't as interesting as you're making out it to be."

I thought about all of the things that were so abnormally normal in my life.

And what could be more normal than meeting a pretty girl at a high school dance? My mind flashed back to the black and white poke-a-dot outfit Bella was wearing that night; how I awkwardly asked her to dance. How we fell in love almost instantly. Okay, maybe that wasn't so common, but Bella and I certainly were.

I smiled when I thought back over the first few years of our marriage. The fights over insignificant things such as who did more housework (between you and me, I did) or cooked more (Bella took that title.) Just like any other newlywed couple, we had to find our groove.

Then the early years with the kids came to mind. Like it was yesterday, I felt the panic when I drove home with two-day old Leah in the back seat of the car, strapped securely in her five-point-harness, top-of-the-line car seat. I drove home at a snail's pace and flipped off the many impatient drivers who honked at me for doing so.

Bella and I didn't sleep that first night as a family of three and not by any fault of our baby girl. No, newbie parents that we were, we weren't sleeping because we were up and down checking on every sigh, hiccup and whimper that was uttered. Being that she was the first born, we followed all the rules with her. If her paci fell on the floor, it was properly sterilized; we noted every feeding on an excel spreadsheet. Every moment was documented via photographs and videos that we proudly showed to anyone and everyone.

When Jacob came along, we were past the checking up on baby every five minutes. Unfortunately, our boy had other ideas and his colic almost made us want to give him away. He would only co-sleep, so even though we swore we'd never do it, into bed he came. When you're desperate for sleep, you do whatever it takes.

Then Charlotte was born, the female version of myself with her bronze hair and temper. In fairness to her, she was quite content as an infant and didn't become the devil until she was fourteen or so. But ask me about her baby album or how many times I sterilized her pacifier. The baby album was almost non-existent and sterilizing was by way of me sucking dirt off the nipple.

Pretty generic, boring parenting stuff and I was fairly certain Tanya Denali didn't want to make a documentary about any of that.

Hollywood ace or not, it would be hard to make an interesting movie about Bella and me struggling to make ends meet when we were first married. How I'd take money from one credit card to pay the minimum balance of another. She probably wasn't interested in our long-standing argument over how the toilet paper roll should be replaced – overhang (correct) versus underhang (wrong).

Or the debate about me leaving the toilet seat up. Although I prefer that it's referred to as the debate about why Bella can't just put it down before she pees. Really, is it that hard?

Maybe Ms. Denali wanted to make a porno based on Bella and me – now that would be watch-worthy. Hmmmm, who would play the younger version of me? My first choice would be Henry Cavill or maybe Gaspard Ulliel. Bella would be harder to portray – no one else has her doe eyes, her amazing ass, or sweet spirit.

"Edward?"

Tanya was looking at me expectantly with a confused look on her face. Rosalie, used to me spacing out, merely shook her head.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about how ordinary my life is. Romance novelist with an erotic flare or not, I'm just a regular guy, who loves his wife, kids, friends, and family something fierce. I'm sorry, but I don't think anyone would bother to come see your movie. A TV sitcom, maybe, but movie- doubtful."

"I beg to differ. I think the public will be very interested to learn of the ordinary man with the over-active imagination; the man who has always been faithful to his wife, perhaps because your infidelity is done through your writing. A movie about a man who drops his teenage son off at football practice and intimidates boys who want to date his daughters by day, and writes explicit pornography at night. How he's kept his alter ego hidden for decades. Right there, Edward, is a blockbuster."

I wasn't convinced and apparently Rosalie agreed.

"Edward's life will be turned upside down; his family under scrutiny. We all know the public isn't always kind. He has kids – imagine TMZ following them around."

Not to mention, Leah and Charlotte would flip the fuck out if they found out who I was. Leah would give me that disgusted, disapproving daughter look; Charlotte would hate me more than normal because she'd have to finish high school known as E.A. Masen's daughter. What about the ramifications of Bella and her job as a kindergarten teacher? And my mother who flipped out over a tattoo would have a heart attack if she found out I wrote porn. Damn good porn, but porn none-none-the less. Then I pictured Charlie finding out and sending a SWAT team to my house to have me taken out execution style. A million dollars wouldn't be enough to save me from him.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Denali, but I'm going to have to respectfully decline at this time."

Tanya reached for her purse, pulled out a notebook and pen. She didn't look up at me as she wrote something down on a blank sheet of paper she'd torn out.

"I assure you, Edward, you and your family, would be well compensated. I truly hope you reconsider." She clicked her pen and put it and the notebook away. Meticulously, Tanya folded the paper, running her fingernail along each fold to make it crisp. She looked at her watch and announced she had a plane to catch. I admit that my curiosity was killing me – what was written on that paper?

As she stood up, Rosalie and I did the same. Tanya extended her hand to Rosalie in parting.

"Mrs. McCarty, thank you for arranging this meeting. I hope we can meet again soon to discuss this endeavor in depth."

She turned to me next and pulled me into a tight hug, her breasts squished against my chest. With her lips at my ear, she whispered inside it.

"I truly hope you see the value in what I'm offering. This is my monetary offer, but I'm willing to give you so much more than that in pleasure. Rosalie has my number if you ever need new inspiration to draw from."

Tanya brushed her lips against my cheek, leaving a lipstick stain that I scrubbed the fuck off before I went home to Bella. The paper that she'd written on, she tucked into the front pocket of my dress shirt, tapping it down with her index finger.

With a flip of her hair and a wink of her eye, Tanya Denali – famous Hollywood producer and flirt extraordinaire - was gone. Rosalie and I were momentarily stunned by it all.

"And I thought Renee was bat shit crazy; holy fucking shit."

"What did she whisper to you?"

I made a face as I pulled the paper out of my pocket. "That this was her monetary offer but she'd really pay me by molesting me in some dark alley, giving me new inspiration. God, I need a shower."

Rosalie snatched the paper from my hand and ripped it up. "Bat shit crazy is right. Fucking whore."

"Wait!"

"What? You aren't considering it, are you?" Rosalie gave me a look that said if I was planning on cheating on her best friend, she would sauté my balls.

"No! God no! I was, you know, curious about what kind of money she was talking about." I shrugged.

"You don't want to know. It's like opening Pandora's box. Leave it be, Edward."

Rose put the ripped paper into her pocket and we walked out. Thankfully, the broom that Denali had flown in on was already gone. Rosalie gave me a hug and apologized for putting me through the molestation.

"I'll call Bella and give her the heads up on why you reek of perfume and have lipstick on your temple. Unless you wanted to call her yourself and finish your phone sex, idiot." She shook her head at me.

"Maybe you should give her a call, she'll take it better coming from you."

"You got it. Congratulations on your latest book deal, by the way."

"Thanks for all you do for me, Rose. Even if you do expose me to toxic, crazy-ass bitches. See you tomorrow for dinner. How does Trocadero's at seven sound?"

"Perfect. See you tomorrow."

When I got home, Bella was in the kitchen and was still on the phone with Rosalie. My wife looked serious, almost possessive. She ended her call almost as soon as I walked in, setting the phone onto the table.

"Hey."

Bella stood up and walked toward me, eyes intent on mine. She loosened the knot of my tie and ran her hands down the length of it before she spoke.

"I heard Tanya Denali is a fucking whore who thinks she can buy my husband's affections with millions of dollars."

Correction, my wife was jealous and fucking pissed, and that was fuck-me hot.

"Baby, you know I'm yours, forever and always."

Although, I was curious about the millions of dollars she'd mentioned. It probably wasn't the best time to ask.

Bella pushed herself against me so that my backside hit the kitchen counter, her lips on mine in an impassioned kiss. When she pulled away, our lips were millimeters apart.

"You can bet your fine ass you're mine." She squeezed said ass to make her point. "Forever won't be long enough. That woman can shove five million up her twat and go back to Hollywood. You are mine, Edward Cullen, do you hear me?"

"Loud and clear, baby. And there's no other way I'd ever want it."

Bella pushed my jacket off my arms and tossed it on the island behind her. I lifted her up and as her legs wrapped around my waist, I kissed her back. Her fingers knotted in my hair; my hands grabbed fistfuls at her ass. Our tongues tangled together and our kisses were sloppy rather than neat, but neither one of us cared. Bella was proving a point and I sure as hell was letting her.

"Put me down," she whispered against my lips. I set her down, but held her close to me, chest against chest. We stared into each others eyes – brown to green – and spoke volumes without saying a word. Bella slithered down my torso, until she was on her knees in front of me. Her eyes were still focused on mine as she pulled my zipper down and freed my cock, immediately wrapping her mouth around it. Closing my eyes, I threw my head back, hitting it on the kitchen cupboard but I didn't care. I was getting my second blowjob of the day.

"Damn it, baby, that feels so fucking good."

Obviously she couldn't answer me and I didn't want her to. I looked down at her, bringing my hands to her hair as I tried hard to control my thrusting, but it was difficult not to lose control. I loved watching her do that to me, her painted fingernails wrapped around the thickness of me- fuck!

And Bella was a master at giving head. She balanced sucking, licking, squeezing and rubbing in the best possible way. It wasn't always like that — it took some careful criticism on my part and a lot of practice (lucky me) but I can safely say I have no complaints when it comes to her techniques.

What I did have a complaint about was my son walking in on us. Cock-blocked again. Someone remind me why we had children?

You've heard me curse before but being interrupted on the brink of an orgasm brought my swearing to a whole new level.

The way we were positioned, the island blocked the visual for Jacob – thank God – but seeing Bella on her knees in front of my groin I was pretty sure Jake could figure out what was going on. And if he couldn't, I was changing his middle name to 'Oblivious'.

I turned around to tuck myself away as Bella got up from her knees. Her face was burning with embarrassment as she tried desperately to make herself look innocent. She was failing miserably.

"God damn it all to fucking hell! Jesus Christ, boy! What the fuck are you doing here?"

At first, Jacob looked as though he was going to be sick and then he smirked, like the little fucker he was.

"I live here. Apparently you two forgot that one, small detail."

"Jacob, hi." Bella quickly grabbed the dishcloth and started wiping down the counters with it.

Oh Bella, you were just caught with my dick in your mouth and now you're trying hard to act normal. It was no wonder she didn't get the part in the school play — she was a terrible actress. She continued to wipe down the counters meticulously. Jacob laughed.

"I'm good. Not as good as Dad, but you know."

If we'd been closer we would have high-fived. Instead we jutted our chins at each other.

"Did you need something, son?" Bella was scrubbing at an invisible mark on the counter, refusing to look at him.

"I was kind of hungry. Thought I'd grab something to eat. A hot dog, maybe."

I snorted and shook my head. Now that was some funny ass shit.

"But I don't think I'm hungry any more. Go figure." He just stood there, making no attempt to move. Obviously Bella and I weren't going to go back at it, which was a shame because I had been teetering on the edge.

"Honestly, Mom, I'm shocked. I expected that from Dad, but you?" He shook his head pretending to be disappointed in her. "How am I supposed to come into the kitchen again without having nightmares?"

Bella stopped what she'd been doing, tossing the rag into the sink. There was a fire in her eyes as she turned to address Jake.

"You eat at the kitchen table don't you?"

I sputtered out a laugh remembering all the times we'd banged one home on that table. No IKEA furniture for us – it had to at least stand a chance. Bella continued as she folded her arms across her chest. Any hint of embarrassment was long gone.

"You're already going to have nightmares, so I might as well tell you — nothing here's sacred. This is my house, and your father and I have christened virtually every surface in it, not only this countertop. The washer, the dryer, the coffee table, the garage, the attic, and the couch – before you and your girlfriend desecrated it."

"Not to mention the walls," I added with a devious smile.

Jake smirked back at us. He put his hands together like he was praying and bowed in front of us. "Dad, Mom, you're officially my heroes. Damn. I hope my wife and I are that frisky when I'm as old as you are. As you were."

With a big wink for the two of us, he left the kitchen. Bella let out a sigh and hid her face in my chest.

"What got into you, my feisty one?" I kissed the top of her head.

"I had some one-on-one time with the kids earlier today. Jacob was the most vocal about his sexual activity. I thought a little pay back was due. But oh my God. That was awful."

"No shit, I didn't get my happy ending."

Her hand hit my chest.

"You wanna play rough, I don't mind."

Really, I didn't.

"Edward!"

"Why are you scolding me? You started this and I think you should be the one to finish it."

Bella ignored me. "I meant what I said, Edward. No amount of money offered by that slut would be enough."

"I agree." I paused but I had to know. "Was she really offering five million, though?"

Bella gave me a half smile and nodded. "Rosalie taped the paper back together."

Fuck. Five million? Maybe it was something to reconsider. I was about to suggest that to Bella when Charlotte walked into the kitchen. She smiled at us embracing.

"Hi, sweetie." Bella greeted her daughter as I smiled back at her.

"Hey, Mom. Hi, Dad."

Charlotte greeted Bella with a hug and then surprised me by giving me one, too. Her arms wrapped tight around my waist. I smiled and put my arms around her; my lips found the top of her head. She didn't pull away and I didn't want her to, it was nice to have a moment with her. Bella's smile said she approved.

"Love you, baby," I whispered and she nodded against my chest.

When she pulled away, she smiled up at me; my smile matched hers. I brushed her hair off her pretty face then tapped my finger on the tip of her nose.

"I know I don't tell you guys enough, but I love you. I'm so thankful that I have parents who love me unconditionally and who love each other so much, too."

I raised an eyebrow. I knew my daughter – behind that 'I love you' was more. Either she wanted something or had done something wrong. I frowned at her trying to figure out what her motivation was.

"Don't look at me like that." Charlotte rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I do love you guys and I thought you should know. Don't worry, tomorrow I'll be back to my bitchy little self."

"Well, that's more like it. You had me worried for a second there." I teased.

Char winked at me and went to the living room to watch some TV.

"We have some first class kids, you know that?" Bella maneuvered her way back into my arms as she praised our children.

"Today. We have some first class kids today. Like Charlotte said, tomorrow will probably be different."

We could only wait and see.

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**Yep, Tanya is a whore but y'all knew Edward wouldn't bite. Besides that fact that he was clueless, Bella's his one and only.**

**Do you think Edward should expose himself for five million?**

**Thank you all for reading and for loving this down-to-earth family man xo**


	26. Chapter 26

**Hello again! Vacation is pretty awesome but so are all of you! Thanks for taking the time to review I appreciate it so very much. Many thanks going out to Lolo84 and Capricorn75 for their continued help with this chapter. And thanks to Maple Style for letting me bounce ideas off you! I hope you all enjoy this chapter - it's the evening after they got caught by Jake in the kitchen - after skanky Tanya tried unsuccessfully to proposition our Edward.**

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**Chapter 26**

When I was a kid, every Saturday night we'd order in two large pizzas – always Meat Lovers and Ham and Pineapple – and we'd watch a movie together. Most of my movie night memories are of Carlisle, my mom, and I curled up on the couch under one blanket. My big brother and I would be clad in our made-by-mom flannel pajama bottoms, Mom in sweats and a tee shirt. Slices of pizza were on paper plates in our lap, cans of Coca-Cola Classic on the coffee table where our feet rested.

Halfway through, we'd pause the movie and mom would take my brother and me into the kitchen to make Jiffy Pop Popcorn over the gas stove. Sure, it took a long time and many of the popcorn kernels would be burnt because Carlisle and I got tired of shaking, but popcorn never tasted better.

The nights my father was able to join us rank up there as some of my favorite memories. My brother and I would possessively flank his sides but he never complained. My dad would often rewind the funnier parts and even if we'd seen the movie a hundred times before, he would laugh like it was his first time seeing it.

To this day, I still believe that the flicks from the early part of the 80's are the best of our time. Perhaps it's because the memories of those Friday nights are ingrained in my head, but I think a lot has to do with the fact that really, the eighties produced some brilliant movies. ET, Tron, Raiders of the Lost Arc, The Empire Strikes Back, Airplane (my father's favorite), Chariots of Fire, and Ghost Busters, to name a few. Each and every one are classics I still enjoy as an adult.

I remember looking over at my mom when I was 14 or so, and I couldn't figure out why she was watching us boys and not the movie, a huge smile on her face. It wasn't until Bella and I started the pizza and movie tradition with our kids that I fully understood. It was family time, and we were making a memory. We sure as hell did. I wanted our kids to have the same memories I did. I hope when they are my age, they remember the little things like that.

On our movie nights, we'd line the kids up on the couch, or often in our bed, and put a DVD on. We've certainly come a long way from Beta tapes and VCRs. Charlotte would be squished between Leah and Jake, and the girls would hold hands, little legs and feet intertwined. And like my mom, I would look at them and smile at us making a memory.

Honestly, I couldn't remember the last time we'd had a family movie night. Leah was studying –with or without Adam- and Jacob was either at football practice or out with Nessie. And Charlotte, well, she went out with Paul every Friday _and_ Saturday night without fail. Yes, I just rolled my eyes. To be honest, Paul hadn't done anything specifically to piss me off except for the fact that he came equipped with a working penis. I'm a father and it's my prerogative to not like someone. I can do what I want to do. I've got you singing Bobby Brown now, don't I?

This particular Saturday night, Bella and I had our own date planned - our celebration for the book deal. Cheesecake Factory for dinner followed by a movie at home, topping it all off with a nightcap –wink, wink, nudge, nudge. My kind of night.

Over our appetizers and red wine, we talked about our day.

I told my wife exactly what happened with I'm-a-whore-Tanya-Denali. As I talked, I could see Bella's jaw clench. She was not pleased that I'd been propositioned. She did laugh, though, when I told her I was oblivious at first and had to text Rose to find out if she was flirting or not.

Then we talked about the big ass carrot that was dangled in front of us. Bella and I were really torn over accepting her five million dollar offer. I mean, come on, who can say no to five mil? That's a fuck ton of money. Being a writer paid me well enough but with that much money in our account, we would be set. Retirement for Bella as well as trips to various parts of the world. Was it worth exposing myself? We weighed our pros and cons and ultimately, couldn't come to a decision. It was something that we needed to really sleep on. I bet with five mil I could have an excellent sleep on a top-of-the-line mattress.

During dinner, Bella told me about her talks with the kids earlier in the day. I want it noted, for the record, that she made it out to be my fault Jake got a nipple ring. I have no idea how that happened but I found myself apologizing. How does that work?

Then there was Leah. I didn't want to acknowledge that she was moving out come fall. It wasn't just about her leaving me for Adam (yes, that's a bit dramatic but that's who I am). It felt like our family was being fragmented; Bella explained it was only expanding. Either way, it was hard for me to accept.

I was pleasantly surprised to hear that Char was anti-sex but did Bella have to tell me about the oral sex part? Really? Filter, woman, filter. I almost threw up my Kobe beef burger.

"Edward, they aren't doing anything worse than we did at that age."

I flash-backed to the days of sixteen-year old Bella and I dry-humping or making out in my car at Kerry Park. I remembered learning how to go down on a woman and giving Bella pointers on how to give a blowjob. Then a visual of my baby girl doing _that_ assaulted my mind.I scratched my head and made a face.

"That doesn't make me feel better, Bella."

"Can you just give them a break?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "I'll try, okay? I'll try."

"Thank you. Just try not to embarrass her all the time."

"Yeah, yeah."

We arrived home to an empty house and Bella and I went upstairs to change into something more comfortable. Okay, we also had a quickie but you probably guessed that. In the kitchen, we popped two bags of popcorn and fixed ourselves rum and Cokes – an advantage to adult movie nights.

Walking into the living room, I was unpleasantly surprised. The kids were already home.

Worse than that, Paul and Charlotte were spooning on the couch. Let me repeat that in case you missed it: Paul was SPOONING my DAUGHTER. He was stretched out on his side, literally taking up the whole length of the couch. Charlotte was lying so that her back was to his front, his leg sandwiched between hers. You and I both know that spooning leads to forking…

I growled and they scampered to sit up as I gave Paul the evil eye. Bella's hand on my arm and a quiet 'be nice' kept me from saying something.

"Hey, Mr. and Mrs. C." Vanessa sat on Jacob's lap and waved at me as we walked in. Funny how their compromising position didn't bother me.

"Hi, Nessie, nice to see you again. You guys are home early."

Bella sat down on the arm of the love seat beside Leah and Adam as she greeted the group. I chose to park my behind right in between Paul and Charlotte, wiggling my ass back and forth to make room. What? Bella said not to embarrass them but she certainly didn't say anything about embarrassing myself.

"My roommate is having a party and Jake and I didn't feel like hanging out with them so we came over here."

"And Adam and I stayed here and studied."

I snorted at Leah's comment. 'Studying' my ass.

"Why are you two home?" I addressed Charlotte.

"I have really bad cramps."

I wrinkled my nose and made a face. Charlotte smirked knowing I didn't want to know about her girl issues.

"You okay, love? Want me to get you something?"

Charlotte shook her head. "I'm okay, thanks, Mom. I took some Advil."

Bella nodded. "Edward, should we go into the kitchen, leave these kids alone?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm comfortable right here." I put my arms along the back of the couch, effectively around Paul and Charlotte. One big, happy not-having-sex-because-she's-on-her-period family.

"Edward."

Damn it.

Reluctantly, I got up, taking my popcorn with me.

"You know, I just wanted to come home and watch a movie with my wife. Don't you guys have car windows you can be steaming up or something? Not you!" I pointed my finger at Paul who was grinning at the idea.

"We could take it up to our rooms, if you prefer." Charlotte offered.

"Yeah, no. And no more sporking." I wagged a finger between the two of them.

"Sporking?" Char raised an eyebrow at me.

Spooning plus forking – I thought it was funny.

"Never mind."

I took Bella's hand and we went to the kitchen.

"What the heck is sporking?" Bella asked as soon as we were alone.

Really, did no one understand my humor any more?

"You know what spooning is?"

Bella looked at me, her eyes calling me an idiot. "We invented spooning."

"And what usually happens when we spoon?"

I loved the smirk on Bella's face. "You usually poke me in the ass."

"Like a fork poking into food. So spooning usually turns into forking but since they aren't having sex it's just sporking. Get it?"

Bella shook her head at me. "Oh, Edward."

Sadly, it wasn't one of those 'Oh, Edwards' said in the tone I like to hear.

Someone knocked on our bedroom door in a panic at nine the next morning. I grunted a "go away" and Bella called for whomever it was to come in.

It was Leah who flew into the room in a flap. It was far too early for me to deal with any kind of drama and I groaned at the interruption. Leah's words flew out of her mouth in a fury.

"Adam and I have a date tonight – for our anniversary – and I have nothing to wear!"

Anniversary? I thought to myself. What kind of anniversary? I didn't know if it was of the boob grope or (barf) something else, and didn't bother to ask.

"Relax, honey, we'll find you something to wear. What about the black dress you wore for Grandpa's funeral?"

"Really, Mom?"

"Okay, what about the lilac dress you bought last summer?"

"Not dressy enough."

Bella sat up in bed and tapped her finger against her lips. "Your dress from prom?"

That was quickly vetoed with an exaggerated sigh. Every suggestion Bella had was met with resistance.

"Why don't we go to the mall and find you something new?"

"Mom! Adam and I are meeting at four, there's not enough time to shop, shower, do my hair and make up."

Seven hours wasn't enough time to do all that? Good Lord that brought high maintenance to a whole 'nother level. Smartly, I kept my mouth shut.

"Why don't you go through my closest and see if there's anything in there that you want to borrow?"

I snuggled under the blankets and watched the carnage of clothes unfold. There's never a dull moment when you watch a woman get ready for a date.

Leah disappeared into Bella's walk in closest, coming out with several outfits. She held them all up in front of her and just as quickly, tossed them onto the bed deeming them inappropriate. She held up a red dress – one of my favorites on Bella – and continued her critique in the mirror.

"This makes my hips look wide."

"Leah, why don't you go in the bathroom and try it on? You can't tell just by holding it up."

The look that my daughter graced me with officially told me I had no idea what I was talking about. Apparently my penis didn't qualify me for an opinion on outfits. I put my hands up in surrender as Leah went back into the closet. Bella voiced a few more options; each shut down.

A minute later, Leah emerged from the walk in with a confused look on her face, a hanger in hand. All I could see was a glimpse of the black material and knew exactly what she was holding. I prayed to God she didn't have the other piece to the puzzle because that would be harder to explain. Leah held up the outfit – black leather and lace and immediately my mind was assaulted with images of the night Bella had donned the scraps of cloth.

"Edward! I am not wearing that – that's a whore's outfit."

Why must I always be met with resistance?

"Baby, it's not a whore's outfit. It's more of a dominatrix ensemble. And it's research for my novel."

"Your main character is a whore?"

I gently fingered a feather flogger as I talked. "Gabriel's more of a missionary man and Tessa is trying to teach him there's more than just being on top."

Bella raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, like being tied up and flogged?"

I crossed the room in only a few glides to stand in front of her. Rubbing my hands up and down her arms, I placed feather-light kisses against her temple, down to her mouth.

"Please baby? I know how I want the scene to go but I'm having issues getting into character."

"Why don't you strip naked and I'll flog your dumb ass and we'll call it a day?"

I bit my cheek so I wouldn't smirk but I had to give her credit - that was pretty funny.

I gave Bella my best smile, trying hard to have sultry eyes and a sexy-yet-pouty look on my face.

"You look constipated, Cullen."

Plan B consisted of me kissing across her collarbone as my fingers worked on the buttons of her blouse. I knelt before her, placing a baby-like kiss on her belly button as I tugged her pants lower so I could kiss along her bikini line.

"Please?" I whispered between kisses.

Bella gave a heavy sigh and I knew she would cooperate. But she had strict conditions.

"No pictures or video. I'm serious. Can you imagine if the kids ever found evidence of me dressed up as a whore?"

"The kids will never know. It'll be our little secret."

And it had been, for a few years anyways. Until our twenty-year old daughter stood before us, holding the very outfit that was an integral part of one of my most successful novels - _'Inspiring Gabriel'._

I looked from the outfit over to Bella, who was staring at me with wide eyes, her face a similar color to the scarlet dress Leah had been holding earlier. Now, I wasn't normally one for blushing but I certainly was then.

"Mom? Is this yours?"

"I'm getting in the shower!" I quickly announced, much to Bella's dismay. I threw off the covers and practically ran to the en suite. Partly because I was in tighty-whities, and partly because I wanted to get the hell out of there.

I took my sweet ass time in the bathroom – avoidance at its best. Even still, I managed to shower, brush my teeth and do my hair – no easy feat – in under fifteen minutes.

Bella opened the door and let herself into the bathroom before I was done.

"You!" She poked her finger into my chest. "You left me to fend for myself!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You have to tell her the truth about you being E.A. Masen."

"What! Why?"

"Because Leah thinks that I'm some pervert who wears nipple-revealing, crotchless, and assless, lace outfits to bed."

I snickered.

"It's not funny."

Actually, it was.

"You want me to own up to being the pervert so you look good?"

"Yes."

"Not a chance, sweetheart."

Bella glared at me.

"Look. Do you know how many times I had to sit by and listen to Jasper talk shit about me over the years? And that day Adam went off on a tirade about me being some overweight loser."

"I believe he called you a closet homosexual who was balding, obese, and had bad breath."

"Thank you for that. What'd you do, write it down word for word?" I rolled my eyes.

"I'm trying to save myself in my daughter's eyes! She thinks I'm some kind of whore in bed."

I gave her the one shoulder shrug and Bella slapped my arm.

"Well, maybe 'whore' is a bit over the top but what other word would you prefer? Slut? No, too vulgar. Tramp? No, too 80's. Unfortunately, I think 'whore' is as polite as that black leather and lace outfit can manage. Although horizontally inclined works, but it just doesn't have the same ring to it."

"Any time you want to shut up, Edward Anthony Cullen, please do so."

I exhaled loudly. "Bella, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to take one for the team here. Let me be the good guy for once. "

"Take one for the team?" Her higher-than-normal voice told me she was less than impressed. "What about how Leah perceives me?"

"There's no 'I' in team, sweets."

"Yeah, well there is an 'm' and an 'e'."

I didn't get it. What did an 'm' and an 'e' have to do with anything? I looked at Bella confused.

"Never mind. Consider myself off the team. From now on, we play solo."

I had a feeling she was also talking sexual pleasure as well; I suspected I'd be jerking off later.

Was I being unreasonable? It was one thing to think your mom was someone with a fetish for things a little on the rough side in bed; something completely different to know that your father was the pervert with the penchant for writing about it.

I attempted to kiss Bella's cheek, trying to smooth thing over, but she pulled away leaving me kissing air. She was clearly pissed at me. But I knew all Bella needed was a few hours and she'd be back to loving me again. Remember, I'm hard for her to resist.

I followed a huffing Bella out of the bathroom so I could get dressed.

During my shower, Leah had demolished Bella's closet. First of all, I had no idea my wife had so many dresses, skirts and blouses. Second, how much had all of that cost? There was a small fortune hiding away back there! I made a note to check our bank statement.

I maneuvered myself to my closet and pulled on some khakis and a light blue shirt, mindful not to wreck my carefully crafted hair. Moving a few dresses out of the way, I sat down on the end of the bed to put on my socks as I watched the girls. I shook my head at the mess; I doubted there were any other items left in the closet.

I was wrong. Very, very wrong.

Leah slowly walked out of the closet with something in her hand. Oh God, no, no, no. But it was. Fuck me sideways, it was. There in her hand was the other half of the dominatrix outfit – a feather duster. Okay, technically it was a flogger but maybe Leah would think it was a duster. People dusted their closets all the time. Lonely, pathetic psychopaths probably did. My sweet daughter wouldn't possibly know what it really was, right?

Leah proficiently whipped the flogger in the air.

Apparently I was wrong again.

Next question: should I be concerned that she did that so well?

"Would someone like to explain this to me?"

"Not really," I said and Leah raised her eyebrows at me.

"Okay, I know you are both adults and apparently like things a little kinky but you do realize this is quite literally taking a page out of one of E.A. Masen's books?"

I feigned innocence. "Oh, really?"

"The outfit is exactly, and I mean exactly, like what the main character wears in _'Inspiring Gabriel'_. Right down to the little white bow on the back and the leather stitching. And this." Leah held up the flogger. "Is pretty damn close to what's used as well."

See, now I was proud – of myself. The image Leah had conjured up in her head from my words matched the actual outfit; that's hard to do as a writer. Go me!

"And what are you doing reading such explicit trash, young lady?"

I gave Bella a look for that comment. Really, did she have to call my novel 'trash'? How rude!

"What was that look for?" Leah was very perceptive; I tried to brush it off.

"What look? There was no look."

"Oh yes there was!"

"Your mom likes to dress up every once in a while. Keep the spark alive." I gave her an exaggerated wink.

"Edward!" There would be hell to pay for that I knew.

"God, this is worse than Dad's 'four times, personal best' April Fool's joke." Leah sounded disgusted.

"That wasn't— ouch!" Bella stomped on my foot to shut me up.

I needed a quick escape. My wife was far better at coming up with a lie on the fly to explain away both the outfit and flogger. It was in our best interest if I left before I opened my mouth again.

"I think I'll go downstairs and make some breakfast."

"Sure, scar me for life, then leave me to deal on my own."

"Consider this payback for the boob-grab incident I walked in on."

"We do a lot more than boob-groping now, Dad, just sayin'."

I wanted to put my fingers in my ears and sing la-la-la-la-la or Kumbaya or something.

As I was leaving I heard Leah chastise Bella once again.

"Mom! I had no idea! I mean, you don't seem the type to wear a slutty little outfit. And for my Daddy?!"

Awww, she said my name so sweet, defending pure and innocent little me.

"Your father is E.A. Masen. I dressed up so he could write the scene from 'Inspiring Gabriel'."

Bella's words came out in fast succession like one giant, made up word. But I knew what I'd heard and stopped dead in my tracks. Maybe Leah hadn't heard. Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt. Holy. Fucking. Shit. My wife just threw me under the bus!

"What?!"

I slowly turned around. Bella's hand was covering her mouth and Leah's hung open. I watched as the flogger dropped from her hand, landing on the floor with a soft 'thud' that resonated in the room.

"Leah, I can explain." I didn't know how but I'd have to figure it out.

Mother and daughter sat down on the edge of the bed, amidst the strewn clothes. My hand ran through my hair (damn it, I ruined my perfectly crafted style) as I let out all my breath hoping it would cleanse my mind. It didn't work. I cracked my neck and each of my knuckles next. It might have been the most awkward moment of my life, admitting to my daughter that I wrote porn - porn that she read.

Kneeling down in front of them I looked at Bella first. Her whispered "I'm sorry" was heartfelt. I nodded at her as I placed my hands on Leah's thighs.

"It's true. I'm E.A. Masen."

"But, but…" Leah couldn't form words. "How?"

I went on to explain about how I turned my love letters to Bella into my first book. How Emmett's new girlfriend – Aunt Rosalie - just happened to come over for dinner and happened to work for a renowned publishing company.

"Everything sort of fell into place and my first novel was so well received. _Eclipse_ wanted another novel and it snowballed from there. That was over twenty years ago now."

"Who all knows?" Leah's face was deadpan; I could tell she hadn't absorbed what I'd said yet.

"Uncle Carlisle, Aunt Esme, Uncle Emmett, Auntie Rosalie, obviously. Um, Auntie Alice and Uncle Jasper found out this summer as did Jake – totally by accident." I explained. "Oh, and Adam – again by accident."

Leah's head whip around to face me. "Adam knows? And he never told me?"

"You have to understand, sweetie. Your Dad wanted to keep this private. Being an erotic writer isn't exactly something you want people to know about you."

Leah nodded like she understood then looked at me with tears brimming in her eyes.

"Do your stories come from real life experience?" she asked cautiously and I could tell she wasn't sure if she wanted to know the answer.

"Most of them, yes. But I have a good imagination as well to add in specific details."

Leah grabbed onto Bella's hand. "You know about this?"

"I was the one who encouraged him to write." Bella rubbed Leah's back with her hand.

"And you're okay with it?"

Bella smiled. "It pays the bills and makes your dad happy."

Watery eyes faced me again. "How – how many women have there been?"

"Pardon?"

"You said you write from real life experience. You have over twenty books – does that mean you've been with that many women?"

I couldn't stop the laughter that left my lips. Getting up from my knees I sat beside her on the bed and put my arm around my very misinformed daughter.

"Baby, there's only one woman. Always has been, always will be."

"But the stories. The explicit sex…"

I literally saw the light bulb turn on as Leah figured out all my exploits – including the dirty and kinky ones - were experienced with her mom. Every documented moan, groan, purr, and suck was a mimic of Bella. The male's internal lusty, kinky thoughts were mine.

"Daddy!"

I have heard my name spoken in many tones - out of angry, love, and annoyance. Right then it was cursed out of utter and complete vile disgust. It was official – my oldest daughter thought I was a disgusting pig who fucked her mother six ways from Sunday (which I did) and wrote about it for the world to read.

I scrubbed my hand over my face because I was guilty as charged. Even through my fingers I saw Bella smirking, almost as if she were gloating that she was no longer the sex-crazed one in our relationship.

And then Leah put her in her place.

"Mother!" Said in the exact same tone of abhorrence.

Considering both of us were in Leah's bad books, Bella and I needed to continue with the utmost caution. Leah wasn't like Jacob; she wasn't quite as understanding with her parents having blowjobs in kitchens and kinky sex as he was.

"Leah, listen to me. I know this revelation comes as a bit of a shock." Leah snorted interrupting Bella. "Your Dad and I wanted to tell you the truth but we were uncertain how to go about doing it."

"I suspect having me find your costumes and props wasn't your first choice. What was plan B - you break out the sex toys and movies?"

"Bottom drawer," I blurted out without thinking. I'm pretty sure Leah turned green. Bella shook her head at me.

The three of us endured a painful few minutes of silence.

"Leah, listen. Your mom's right. It's not easy for a father to tell his daughter that the racy novels she reads in secret are modeled after her parents sexual experimentation."

"God, Dad. Did you have to go there? It's bad enough I thought it, but did you need to confirm? Nasty."

Nasty was about right – as in doin' the nasty. Bow chicka bow bow.

"Was that necessary?"

Apparently my 'bow chicka bow bow' was out loud and I mumbled an apology. This was going about as well as I expected.

"Try not to think too much about the whole mechanics of it. I'm sure you can appreciate that Dad is good at what he does."

That's what she said.

"His novels are brilliant, you've said so yourself."

"Yeah, well, that was before I knew they were written by my father. It's, it's…gross."

"It's not gross, it's human nature."

"Well, dear old Dad, did you want to know the specifics about Adam and me? He does want to be a writer as well. Maybe he'll pen a novel about how the positions we—"

I put my hand up.

"Please, don't go there." I was almost begging. Not almost, I was. Begging and pleading for her not to finish that sentence. "Please."

"See, it's no different."

"It's way different!"

I knew I should shut the hell up but I had to beg to differ.

"I'm your father. Of course your mom and I have sex. Did it ever occur to you that the very bed you are sitting on is where you were conceived?"

Leah's gag reflex kicked in and she immediately got up.

"Edward," Bella scolded me as she got up to stand with her daughter.

"Sorry. Let me try to rephrase. You mom and I don't always dress up and act scenes out, sometimes we—"

Bella quickly interrupted me.

"Sweetie, don't mind your father - he's much more articulate on paper."

Ain't that the fucking truth!

"This is exactly why we didn't want to tell you about what I really do for a living. It's hard to explain."

Leah nodded as she played with the ends of her hair. "I need some time to process this new information. Can I go, or did you want to traumatize me some more?"

"Go, I've got this."

Leah left quietly, eyes avoiding me. I flopped backwards on the bed as our bedroom door closed with a soft click.

"That was extremely painful." I groaned.

"My poor baby."

"Thanks, I could use some Bella lovin' to cheer me up."

"Not _you_ 'poor baby' – Leah. She's really taking this hard."

"Poor Leah? What about me? My daughter thinks I'm a dirty old man."

"You are." Bella lay down beside me, her head on my shoulder, palm against my chest. "But I'm no better than you, in her eyes."

We stayed like that for a while, legs intertwined, talking about what we should and shouldn't have said. It was no secret that the 'should not haves' pretty much boiled down to everything I'd said. We came to the conclusion that Leah would be okay, but accepting Ms. Denali's proposal was certainly out of the question. There was simply no good way to tell impressionable Charlotte or my obstinate father-in-law.

"Aren't you worried about Tanya going to go the press about you?" Bella wondered but I shook my head.

"I know Rosalie, she would have crossed her 'T's and dotted her 'I's. She has everyone I come in contact with sign confidentiality papers." To ease Bella's mind (okay, and mine) I put in a quick call to Rose. She confirmed that if Tanya so much as breathed a word about me – even what city I live in – I was entitled to twice what she'd offered me.

"Don't worry about it, Edward. I'll give you a copy of the agreement when I see you tomorrow."

Once again, a McCarty saves my ass. Sunday night I wouldn't mind splurging on the expensive wine.

It was later that evening when Leah arrived home from her anniversary date with Adam. She walked into the living room where I was waiting up, looking radiant in a dress I'd never seen before. Red, halter style, and very sophisticated. Her hair was pulled up and off her face in a twist of some kind, leaving her shoulders and arms bare. I'd underestimated the girl in my bedroom hours before. Before me was a young woman and I should have spoken to her as such.

"Leah, do you have a minute? I'd like to talk to you."

Her dress swished as she sat down opposite me and crossed her legs at the knee.

"You look beautiful."

Her voice was quiet as she answered with a polite "thank you."

"Did you and Adam have a nice evening?"

Leah nodded. "We did."

I hated that the awkward silence that crept in after she answered me and I told her as much.

"This is part of the reason why I never wanted you to know - this awkwardness between us. I didn't want you to look at me any different. I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" Leah's eyes met mine and I could tell she was being serious not facetious.

"I never meant to embarrass you, that was never my intention."

"Your 'bow chicka bow bow' said otherwise." There was a hint of a smile on her lips.

"Yeah, sorry about that. Forgot my filter for a second there."

"Only for a second, huh?"

We smiled at each other because already the awkward air between us was starting to dissipate.

My fingers ran through my hair and I exhaled before I spoke, taking my time to articulate my words from brain to mouth. Brain to paper I could do but this part I needed help with. I wanted to make sure I came across as being completely serious when I said what was coming next.

"I would give it up – writing, I mean – if the thought of me writing those types of novels completely weirds you out." Leah opened her mouth to say something. "Please, don't interrupt, let me finish, okay?"

Leah nodded as I continued.

"You, your brother, sister, and your mom are really all that matter to me in this world. I got into writing as a fluke and honestly, at the beginning of my career, I never really thought about the ramifications to my family if, or when, they found out. And now that you know, I hate how things are different between us. I don't want our relationship to change because of my profession."

"You'd give up writing – for me?"

"In a heartbeat."

"What would you do then?"

I shrugged. "I'm sure Rosalie could get me a job as an editor at _Eclipse._ It's what everyone thinks I do anyways."

"But you love writing."

"I love you more."

That time the silence was pensive, not strained.

"Adam told me I should grow up."

"He what? Why?"

"He told me you are a brilliant author and I should be bursting at the seams, wanting to tell the world that E.A. Masen is my father."

"Funny, I thought he once said E.A. Masen was gag-me romantic with monotonous characters who hid behind his elusiveness?"

"Don't forget a balding, obese, closet homosexual-"

"With bad breath," we said at the same time.

"Yes, I believe he also said that. So glad both you and your mother remembered that exact description."

Leah shrugged. "Adam also said that you were a literary genius. And since that night, he's read more of your novels and has come to appreciate the beauty in your words."

Atta boy, Adam. I always did like that kid.

"What else did he say?"

"After he told me to suck it up, I called him a jerk. We had our first fight over you. You should feel honored."

"I don't. I never wanted that."

"Just teasing you." Leah reached her arm out into the space between us and I held her hand for a moment.

"Adam asked me to tell him what drew me to your novels in the first place. It wasn't just the sex – although you do write that very well." She paused to wink at me. "Your words made me feel something. With every new character, I feel their happiness, loneliness, sorrow, and elation. I find myself rooting for the underdog, cursing the villain, and loving the happily ever after. Your words are often poignant, thought provoking, and real. You're good at what you do - very good. And I don't want you to stop writing."

"Do you mean that, because I would seriously give it up."

Leah shook her head. "I'll get over the fact that you and mom have hot wall sex which you write about and I later read."

"Don't forget dressing up in dominatrix outfits and using floggers."

Leah made a face.

"Shit, too soon?"

"Definitely too soon."

We smiled at each other as we stood up, the earlier awkwardness quelled by me making an ass of myself. I pulled Leah to me, wrapping my arms around her, her head tucked under my chin. I kissed the top of her head, whispering that I loved her.

"I know. Just the fact that you would give up your dream for me - proves it. And I love you, too."

"I don't just love you. I _friggin' _love you. To the moon and back, baby doll. To the moon and back."

* * *

**I think there was only one reviewer who guessed Bella. I don't think even Bella would have guessed herself, LOL.**

**Up next is Jacob's graduation with a bunch of flashbacks to when Edward and Bella were that age. I hope you will be patient for the update - still on vacation and internet still sucks donkey balls and have yet to send it to my pre-reader and beta. **

******Can you believe the story is 26 chapter in already and I still have people reading LOL. I thank each of you for doing so and if you haven't reviewed, please take the time to say hello! ****Once again, thank you for reading, reviewing and pimping out my story. I am humbled by the love you show. xo**


	27. Chapter 27

**Thanks to my usual suspects Lolo84 and Capricorn75 xo**

**Chapter 27**

* * *

As we approached the end of the school year, Jacob was getting excited about graduation. His aspirations of becoming a mechanic hadn't wavered and he'd been accepted to an automotive program at a local technical college on a full scholarship. It goes without saying that Bella and I were extremely proud of him. Way to save your Dad some money, kid. Thanks!

Soon enough, the day of his ceremony was upon us. As Bella, Leah, Charlotte, and my mom sat through the speeches, I held Bella's hand, remembering our own graduation.

"It sucks that we can't sit together," Bella pouted as we waited back stage, ignoring the flustered teachers who were trying desperately to get us to line up in alphabetical order. "It's going to be, like, three hours of lame speeches and I can't sit near you and all I'll get to see is the back of your head, if I'm lucky." Her lip protruded as she complained.

"Well, I do have a pretty sexy head." I offered in consolation. Bella frowned. I lifted her chin with my hand and brought my lips to hers for a lingering kiss that caused some of the other students around us to hoot, yelling for us to get a room. I never broke the kiss but raised my middle finger at them and pulled Bella even closer to me.

"I should marry you right now, make you a Cullen so you can sit beside me, or better yet, on my lap." I suggested when we finally broke apart.

"Yeah, that would go over like a fart in church. My dad would take target practice on your ass." She wasn't kidding. Chief had yet to warm up to me. I had been nothing but respectful (in front of him, at least) but he still hated my guts.

"What's he going to do when you are a Cullen?" I shrugged.

"When I'm a Cullen, huh?" Bella teased with a wink. "I think you have to ask me first."

I cocked her an eyebrow. Well, if that's what she wanted, I was game.

Not caring about the throngs of people around us, I got down on one knee. Bella's eyes went wide and she looked at me and then at every one else.

"Oh my God. Edward! Get up!" Her voice was a whispered shout.

"No," I told her. Raising my voice I spoke loud and clear. "Excuse me, everyone. I'm about to do something pretty important and I would appreciate if everyone could be quiet for a minute." There was buzz of 'ssshhhh' in the crowd and soon, it was quiet.

"Bella, I love you. I have loved you from the moment you told me you weren't a stalker at the dance."

Bella laughed as she remembered.

"You are the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on, with a smokin' hot body and a pure heart. I want everyone here to know that I love you, from now until forever. Saying that, will you, Isabella Marie Swan, do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

Even though the entire student body was huddled around us, in that moment, no one else mattered. It was just me and my girl. I meant every word I'd said. I nodded at Bella and waited for her reply.

The tears that were blurring her vision, spilled down her cheeks and she nodded; I took that as a yes. I stood up and embraced her, twirling her around so fast, her graduation cap flew off her head.

"Hey, dumbass, where's the ring?" Some douchebag jeered.

"Oh fuck, Bella, I didn't exactly plan this. I'm sorry I don't have one." I apologized as I put her feet back on the ground.

"Here, take this." Angela, a friend of Bella's, took a ring off her finger and passed it to me. "It's just a cheap one from Claire's but it's all about the symbolism anyways." She was close to tears herself.

I thanked her and as I got back on bended knee; I held up the plain pseudo silver band.

"Let me try this again. Bella, will you marry me if I give you this ring and promise to love you for always?"

"Absolutely, yes!"

The crowd cheered and I stood up and kissed my girlfriend- correction, fiancé. That had a nice ring to it.

Unfortunately, the teachers still wouldn't let us sit together but I didn't care. I sat through the entire three hour, boring as hell, night with a grin plastered on my face. I didn't even care when my moonwalk across the stage was booed. Bella had agreed to marry me and nothing was going to bring me down from the high I was on.

After the ceremony, I knew I had to go about things properly and ask Charlie's permission. Before I could work up the courage, Mike Fucking Newton slapped me hard on the back and ratted me out.

"Congrats on your engagement, Cullen. What'd ya do, knock her up?"

As much as I wanted to kill Mike for his big, fat mouth, I could tell Charlie wanted to kill me.

I felt bad having Bella step between her Dad and me to protect my ass. Actually, no, I didn't. The man scared the shit out of me. With one hand splayed on each of our chests she managed to keep her father from killing me…for the moment. She must have felt my heart pounding rapidly beneath her fingers and gave me a reassuring smile.

"Daddy," Bella used her sweetest voice, the same one Charlotte uses on me. Except the anger in Charlie didn't dissipate in the slightest.

"Dad, calm down. I am not pregnant, and Mike Newton is an idiot." I noticed she didn't deny we were engaged, clever girl. Or so I thought. Unfortunately, Bella's left hand was on her father's chest. Charlie grabbed her hand and held it out for me to see.

"What the hell is this on my daughter's finger, Cullen?"

I knew it was bad when he called me that. Worse was the glaring look. Personally, I think I've mastered the disapproving father look. You know the one – eyebrows furrowed, jaw clenched, nostrils flared, and the look of death radiating from your eyes. But my 'angry father look' severely paled in comparison to Chief's. If looks could kill, Charlie would have been watching me die a slow and painful death with a smile on his face.

"Uh…Bella? A little help here?" I managed to croak out after I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"It's a friendship ring. We're friends, Edward and I."

With his eyes still trained on mine, Charlie barked back. "Why is it on your engagement finger then, hhmmm?"

"It's the only finger the ring would fit on. Relax, Dad. I thought you said you were taking me out to celebrate?"

Before Bella could pull him away, Charlie took a step toward me so our faces were close together. Too close for my liking - his breath stank.

"You'd better make sure you ask my permission properly when the time comes, is all I'm saying."

"Yes, sir."

Gently, Bella tugged her father's arm and pulled him away from me. She turned, looking at me over her shoulder and frowned. I could tell she wanted time with me, as much as I wanted it with her, but calming Charlie down was the first priority.

That night was the first and only time I climbed the tree outside Bella's house and snuck into her room. It was highly risky because I knew if Charlie caught me, I'd be shot on sight, a dead man for sure. But I needed to hold Bella in my arms, if only for a few minutes.

A few minutes turned into hours and it felt nice just to hold her close. So nice, that I ended up falling asleep in her single bed. Bella shook me awake around five in the morning whisper yelling that I needed to get the fuck out immediately. I was sore from the cramped sleeping arrangements, and disorientated. In my haste on my way back down the tree, I lost my footing and fell hard to the earth below. It was not a forgiving fall – for my ass, my hand, or my ego – and I knew my wrist was broken instantly. Bella managed to muffle her scream and quietly asked if I was okay. I wasn't but I gave her the thumbs up anyways.

I drove myself to the hospital where I was treated by my own father - of course, because I had the worst luck ever. X-rays showed my right wrist was indeed broken and I spent the next few weeks in a cast. The only reason I wasn't grounded is because my parents (okay, my mom) said I was an adult and was past the age of grounding. Truthfully, I think she found my story romantic and that was why she stuck up for me.

It would be another few years before I would officially ask for Chief's permission to marry his daughter. I went to the police station to do the asking, figuring that was the safest place for me.

"Edward? Is Bella okay? Why are you here?"

"Everything's fine. I needed to ask you something."

Charlie sat down behind his desk and gestured for me to sit across from him. "Well? "

"You'll probably say no and I don't really care but…" I paused. Shit, that wasn't the best way to start. Fuck. And fuck me - that 'fuck' was out loud. Awesome. Charlie raised both eyebrows at me.

"Spit it out, boy, I haven't got all day."

"I love Bella. Truly, I do. I want to marry her—"

"Oh shit." Charlie scrubbed his hands over his face.

"I'm here to ask for your blessing."

I'd said it and hadn't thrown up. Go me!

There was just one problem – Charlie had yet to speak. For a long while, we just stared at each other, then my eyes shifted to look at anything but him. My leg started its nervous bounce.

"Aren't you a little young to be getting married?"

"I don't believe so, sir."

"What if I say no?"

I knew he'd say no.

"With all due respect, like I said earlier, I'm expecting you to say no. But I'll still ask her, with or without your blessing."

Charlie nodded. "Of course you will."

And back to uncomfortable silence. After a few more minutes, he mumbled what sounded like a yes.

"I'm sorry, did you actually say 'yes?'"

He rolled his eyes as he nodded. "Yes, I said yes. For some unknown reason, you make my daughter happy. Don't make me regret this, Edward. If you ever hurt or betray her, I will kill you. And then I will chop your body up into little pieces, encase them in cement, and throw them into Lake Washington."

I gulped.

"Th-thank you, sir. I promise my first priority will always be Bella's happiness." I stood up and extended my hand to him. Reluctantly, he stood up and gripped my hand forcefully.

As the speeches droned on, I thought back to my official proposal with the real ring. It was much more romantic – on the slopes of Mount Baker after a day of snowboarding. But Bella told me my impromptu declaration of love and marriage backstage at our high school graduation was by far more special. Would have been nice to know that before I dropped a wad of cash on her ring.

I twisted the now tarnished silver, mock engagement ring on Bella's right hand and smiled. Just like her engagement and wedding band, she never took it off. Bella looked up at me and smiled and I knew she was reminded of the memory as well.

The good thing about my walk down memory lane was I had dozed off through most of the speeches. Principal Volturi announced it was time for the Valedictorian to speak.

"This student has shown remarkable improvements since he was a rowdy freshman. I admit, I didn't believe it when I saw his marks this last term – straight A's."

I stifled a yawn. Great, another nerdy kid was going to get up and give yet another boring speech. He'd use big words he'd used a thesaurus to find and make the rest of us feel stupid.

"He led our football team to win championships and really personified school spirit this entire year. It is my pleasure to introduce this year's Valedictorian – Jacob Cullen."

Honestly, I didn't even hear his name be called because I'd already started to zone back out. When I saw Jake get up, I thought maybe he had to pee or something, I don't know. I'm pretty sure my mouth hung open when Jake made his way onto the stage. He shook Volturi's hand before he approached the podium and adjusted the microphone.

"Did you know about this?" I whispered in Bella's ear and she shook her head no, a look of shock on her face as well. My son was valedictorian and I had no flippin' clue. Holy shit.

Jacob welcomed parents, teachers, family, and friends in a voice that was surprisingly calm. He started his speech by thanking the teaching staff for all their hard work, made more difficult by some of the antics he and his friends had put them through over the years. There were a few snickers in the crowd but Jake didn't elaborate; I could only imagine, he was my son after all.

He went on to praise the coaches for mentoring and teaching the art of discipline and perseverance. And thanked them for helping make the football, basketball, and volleyball teams the best in the district which brought a round of applause and cheers from the student body.

Jake addressed his friends and fellow students next. He mentioned the apprehension they had felt on the first day of high school so many years ago and how it felt that same way now, on the brink of their uncertain futures. He reminded them to dream big or go home and to go after what they wanted – unless that was his girlfriend. The crowd laughed and my son smirked at his own joke. Jacob thanked the students for their camaraderie in the daily grind and encouraged them to hold the friendships they had made close. He also briefly mentioned the Facebook page for the graduating class to stay in contact.

"And finally, when you see your parents after this boring ceremony is over, be sure to thank them as well. They are the ones who have done the hardest job of all – raising us to be good people, or in my case, great." He paused to flash the crowd a grin and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"I know it hasn't always been easy and some of us have really given them a run for their money. Today, take the time to thank them for all their hard work, sleepless nights, and unconditional love."

If I wasn't already bursting with pride, his next statement made me internally combust.

"Right now, I want to publically thank my parents. Mom, Dad, somehow you have managed to balance parenting me while treating me as a friend at the same time. My many, many, MANY punishments and groundings may not always have been received well but I know it's all been for my own good and I thank you for them. I've actually learned something about consequences, just so you know. You are the best of the best and I love you."

Tears streamed down Bella's cheeks and my eyes were brimming as I looked at the young man whom I was so proud to call my son.

It wasn't in vain. All the hardships we'd endured as parents from lectures about sharing, to nattering about saying 'please' and 'thank you', to staying up late to make sure they came home after a night out, to simply being there when they needed a friend, it was all worth it. We hadn't fucked him up after all!

Jake's words resonated in the hearts of the crowd and made every single parent in the auditorium weep.

I was the first on my feet, clapping loudly and soon everyone followed suit, giving him a standing ovation. Jacob stood behind the podium and beamed. Somehow, our eyes met through the crowd. I smiled at him and he saluted me.

When the crowd finally settled down and took their seats again, Jacob spoke one last time.

"On that note, maybe we can wrap this up to the point where we can throw our hats up in the air, I can kiss my girlfriend and maybe, just maybe, have a beer with my Dad tonight." I laughed through my tears and planned to do just that.

Back at the house later, all our best friends and family were present. Emmett was in charge of the barbeque, and totally possessive of it, waving his tongs around at anyone who came close. Everyone else was milling around the deck and yard, talking and laughing.

I'd only seen Jake briefly after the ceremony before he was off and hugging all his buddies. I made my way into the kitchen and found him there, grabbing a bottle of water for Nessie.

"Great speech today." I pulled him into a quick hug.

"Thanks. I meant it, you know? I really appreciate all you and Mom do for me."

We stood eye to eye and, for once, I could tell we _saw_ eye to eye.

"So, you're not still mad about us making you tell Rachel's parents about sneaking out to have sex?" I winked at him.

"I didn't say that." Jake chuckled as he fiddled with the water bottle. "But I do get that it was for my own good."

"It really was. Hey, I think I owe you a beer, don't I?" Jacob grinned as I pulled two from the fridge, used the bottle opener and passed him a cold one. The necks of our bottles clanked together before we both took a sip.

"Ahhh, the first sip is the best."

I glanced over at Jake. "You mean the first-sip-of-your-first-beer-ever-because-you're-a-minor is the best."

"Yeah, that's totally what I meant."

We shared a smile and started for the backyard. Jake stopped at the patio doors and threw his arm around my shoulder.

"You know what I want next in life, Dad?"

"What's that, Son?"

He jutted his chin toward the backyard where our friends and family were convened. Alice and Jasper were snuggled on one of the deck chairs. Beside them, Leah and Adam were sitting just as close, Nessie with them. Over at the barbeque, Rosalie was pressed up to Emmett's back, her arms wrapping around his front. Carlisle and Esme were sitting on the grass with the twins having a family moment. Bella was strolling through the yard, cradling a passed out Ethan. I noted Charlotte and Paul swapping spit by the fire pit but chose to ignore them.

"I want that - all of it. I want the love, the family and the friendships. The biggest thing you and mom ever gave me was instilling the importance of family in me."

"It's the best. Always make time for your friends and treat them like family, and you can't lose."

Jake nodded and walked over where Nessie was sitting, leaving me with my thoughts.

From across the yard, I watched Bella walking around the yard, the baby still in her arms. The way the sun was lighting up her face, she looked so beautiful. Her hair was pulled back in a messy bun, much like she used to wear when our kids were little. Seeing my wife with the baby nestled in her arms, I had a flash back to when our kids were that small. We would always make the most of our back yard whenever the weather cooperated. Water fights, camping, barbeques, or just sitting and reading a book.

"Jacob, don't you dare spray your sister with the — Jacob!"

I only wanted to sit on my ass with a beer but with three little kids that was next to impossible. The day I was remembering, Leah was four, Jacob almost two and Charlotte eight months or so.

Bella put her hand on my thigh. "I'll go talk to him, you relax."

She was always so good to me- in more ways than one. I admired her ass as she went to calm down Leah who was screeching because her dress was wet and to have a word with Jacob. He was made to sit on the steps for a time out, with a scowl on his face that I found comical.

Bella took Leah inside to get her a dry dress and asked me to keep on eye on Charlotte – the world's fastest crawler – because she was heading over to the flower garden. By the time I got to her and scooped her up, she already had dirt in her mouth.

"You don't eat dirt, baby girl."

Charlotte loudly protested as I swiped my finger in her mouth to remove the soil.

"Me do!" Jacob informed me proudly.

"Don't listen to your big brother, he's silly."

Jacob grinned. "Me big brother!"

Yes he was - in both the literal and figurative sense. He was the same size as Leah, which wasn't saying much because she was so petite like her mother, but Jacob was already wearing a size or two bigger than his age.

"Yes, you are the big brother. And you'll have to look out for your sisters, okay buddy?"

I sat down on the steps beside him, bouncing Charlotte on my knee.

"Why?"

"Because that's what boys do. We protect girls."

"Why?"

"Because it's a nice thing to do."

"Why?"

"Because girls like that kind of chivalry."

"Why?"

I sighed. "Because it gets you laid when you're older."

"What's laid?"

I chuckled. "It's awesome, that's what that is."

"Why?"

I ruffled the top of his head. "Just trust me, kiddo. Be nice to girls."

"Okay."

Bella and Leah returned as we finished our chat. Good thing my wife hadn't heard what I'd said. I knew Jacob would keep it as our little secret.

"Jacob, you need to say sorry to your sister for spraying her with the hose."

"Sowwy." Jacob stood up and launched himself at Leah, wanting to give her a hug but instead knocked her over. Thankfully, I managed to catch them both without dropping Charlotte.

"I lub you, Weah."

I smiled at him calling her 'Weah' in his cute baby voice.

"Go play, you two, and be nice!" Bella warned, obviously for Jacob's ears.

"Me be nice. Daddy say I protect girls then I get laid."

Bella looked at me, as she fought a smirk. "Really, Edward?"

"Heh, heh. Kid's got a good imagination."

"Uh huh, sure he does. Did you honestly tell him that being nice to girls gets you laid?"

I shrugged. "It was his damn 'why' questions, I was running out of answers."

"That's when you pull out the 'because I'm the Dad' comment." Bella bumped her shoulder against mine. Charlotte reached her chubby arms out and Bella took her into her arms with a smile. The baby put her thumb in her mouth since her soother wasn't around and rested her head on Bella's shoulder. Within moments, her eyes fluttered closed as Bella swayed back and forth.

"I'm going to walk around with her for a bit." She didn't need to explain any further because I knew how wonderful it felt to hold a sleeping baby.

The memory of Bella with a sleeping Charlotte is what I'm seeing as she holds Ethan in her arms. The sun shines on her ageless face and I could easily be back in the summer of 1997. Both babies looked completely content, as did Bella.

I walked across the yard, coming up behind her, snaking my arms around her waist.

"You look beautiful, my love." My words are whispered in her ear; her head turned slightly and she smiled against my cheek.

"There's something special about holding a sleeping child, you know?" I nodded because I did know. There's nothing like that feeling. My hand rubbed Ethan's back and he emitted an adorable, happy little sigh.

"I was just remembering a day out here when the kids were little. You were holding Charlotte and the sun was shining on you much like this." My fingers tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"We've had a lot of great memories in our yard, haven't we?"

"Baby, we've had a lot of great memories in our lifetime," I corrected her.

The three of us stood in the yard and looked back toward the house. We looked at the culmination of our friendships now integrated into our lives. Emmett and Rose were still snuggled by the grill; Esme and Carlisle had joined Alice, Jasper, Adam, Leah, Jake and Nessie on the porch. The rest of the kids were by the fire pit – Charlotte and Paul still sucking face.

"All this because I asked a girl to dance."

"Don't you take all the credit, Mister. If it hadn't been for me getting hot for you, none of this would exist."

"Actually, it's thanks to Esme for convincing me to dance with the loner that night. Oof!" I groaned as Bella jabbed her elbow into my ribs.

"Are you calling me a loner?"

I shrugged. "If the shoe fits. Speaking of… do you still have the outfit from that night?" I waggled my eyebrows.

"No. Polk-a-dots aren't my thing anymore."

"It's a shame, that outfit was hot on you."

"You and your outfits." Bella rolled her eyes.

"Come on, you know you like to role play as much as I do."

Bella didn't answer because she didn't need to; I already knew the answer.

Ethan started to stir and his eyes opened. He blinked a few times as he looked at Bella and then me before a smile lit up his face.

"Hi, Buddy." Bella smiled at him and his smile turned into one big, grin showcasing his four teeth.

"Awww, I miss the baby stage." I made a funny face at Ethan and he gave a giggle.

"You know, soon enough we'll be back in it. Leah and Adam will get married and we'll be holding our grandson or granddaughter."

I shook my head in disbelief. How was that even possible that not only had we aged but our kids had as well? Time was so confusing. I felt like I'd spent a lifetime with Bella and the children already and yet, in the same breath, it felt like it wasn't long enough either.

As I shook my head, I noted that Paul and Charlotte were still making out. Didn't they need air or something?

"'Soon' could be any day now if those two keep it up." I jerked my head at the kissing duo and Bella laughed.

"Don't worry, looks like Emmett's on it."

Sure enough, Emmett had pulled a chair up to the group, positioning himself right in between the kissing couple. I heard him ask if anyone wanted to play 'Truth or Dare' and chuckled to myself.

"He's a good man," I said more to myself than to Bella but she agreed.

"Speaking of a good man, how about that son of ours?" Our eyes fell upon Jake who had taken over reign of the barbeque.

"Unbelievable that our little troublemaker was Valedictorian. How the hell did that happen?" Ethan giggled as though he found my words ridiculous as well.

"Troublemaker is being nice. Hell-raiser is more like it."

Bella and I sat down on the grass with Ethan on her lap as we reminisced. We laughed over the things Jacob had done that made us furious, pull our hair out and/or cry at the time. The distance of time between the antics had quelled the anger.

"Remember when he finger painted his room?" Bella used quotation marks around 'finger painted.'

Never one for napping, Bella and I were especially happy when it appeared Jake was actually having a sleep. You know when people say if it's too quiet, the kids are probably up to something? Well, it was quiet but it was the first sane moment we'd had in a very arduous day and we were thoroughly enjoying the fact that both Leah and Jacob were napping at the same time. And by thoroughly enjoying, I mean we did the obvious – slept! What? You didn't think we'd waste two kids sleeping by having sex did you?

In any case, we were woken up by happy Jacob's sounds over the baby monitor. That was our first clue something was wrong since he wasn't exactly the happiest kid who ever lived. I could smell something was wrong before I set foot in his room. When I opened the door, there he was, happy as a pig in, well, shit.

"That was so freaking disgusting." I gagged at the memory.

"Come on, that wasn't as bad as the Mother's Day breakfast he made me when he was five. And you," Bella poked her finger into my chest, "Made me feel so guilty I had to take a bite."

"Remember his little face, though? He was so thrilled that you thought his cardboard, pepper, raw egg with shells and glitter glue was delicious."

I was so proud that Bella had managed to choke it down, no napkin to spit it into. Don't worry - my wife got me back when she left me to explain all about masturbation. The kid wanted specifics of it and a demo – which I flat out refused. Pretty sure I still owe Emmett for the impromptu session I arranged. I never did get details from Em on what went down between them but my son assured me he had no further questions and spent quite a lot of time locked in the bathroom after that.

We talked about the other dumbass things our son had done – things that weren't exactly Valedictorian worthy. I've touched on some things before – Lego up his asshole, pissing on Rice Krispies, food up his nostrils – but there was so much more.

Like the time he played dress up and put on red lipstick; only it was a sharpie pen. Perfect timing as it was the day before kindergarten photos. Not only did the ink last for days, he looked like a five-year old drag queen in the class photos that will last a lifetime. Which reminded me, I needed to share that little gem with Nessie.

And back in third grade, he gave his teacher a note that said 'Jacob doesn't have to eat his crusts because I don't like them.'

Not-so-smart ten-year old Jacob also wrote 'Jacob Cullen Rulz' on the wall in the hallway and denied doing it. Not only that, he insisted that Leah wrote it because she was his biggest fan.

"Oh my God, remember when he tried to make s'mores in the microwave?" Bella shook her head as she remembered walking into the smoke filled kitchen. Grabbing the kids, Bella ran to the neighbors and called 9-1-1. The fire was contained to the microwave and thankfully the damage wasn't extensive.

"I get how he thought that could work – the microwave would cook the marshmallows and melt that chocolate but why he thought ten minutes was a good idea I have no idea."

"Yes, but he was so thrilled when the fireman showed up."

"I have a feeling that was the highlight of your day as well." I teased and Bella responded with a smirk and a shoulder shrug.

"I do like firemen."

"I'll dress up as your fireman any day, baby." I leaned over and gave her a lingering kiss that was interrupted by Emmett's jeering.

"Not in front of my kid, guys. Now I know where your daughter gets it from, Cullen." He teased with a wink.

Emmett scooped Ethan up into his arms and blew raspberries on his tummy as he headed back to the barbeque. With Ethan on his hip, Emmett threw one arm around Jacob, commending him on his grilling skills. Bella and I both smiled at the friendship that spanned the generations.

"Jake isn't all bad. He proved that once again today." Bella leaned into me, my arms wrapping around her. She was right - the kid did have his redeeming qualities.

As he'd stood up for Charlotte's honor, defending her with his fists and taking on Principal Volturi, Jacob had done many times before for both his sisters. Several times at the playground when they were youngsters, Jake made sure no one pushed his sisters around or budged in front of them.

When Leah went on her very first date, Jacob waited up with me until his sister was home safe. I'm not sure who was more nervous that night – him or me. I chuckled to myself when Jake said to: "I know what teenaged boys think and I'm not sure I like Leah being out with one." He was going to make a decent father one day, that son of mine. And by 'one day' I meant far, far away in the very distant future please.

There were many good memories of when he and I would toss around a ball in the backyard or shoot hoops out front. The many nights we'd stay up late, shooting the shit, talking sports or girls. He always was candid in his adolescent questioning of what he should do and what to expect on a date. He asked me for advice on what the heck do you do with your hands when you go in for a kiss. So many awkward questions that I answered as best I could like when was tongue appropriate and how hard should you squeeze a boob. It felt like nothing was off limits for him. I remembered the first time he had a serious make out session with a girl - I forget her name - and came home with his first case of blue balls. I had to be the one to explain there was only one way to relieve that pain. Well, there are two ways, but I recommended self-love at that point.

Bella and Jake had their moments too, usually in the kitchen where they would chat while they chopped veggies and put together a meal. I remembered the practice date Jacob took her out on before he went on his first solo date. He arrived at our front door to pick her up, surprising her with flowers from behind his back. He offered her his arm and opened and closed her car door. He took her to dinner at a local cafe, politely requesting a quiet corner for his date. He paid for their meal (although he'd hit me up for the cash beforehand) and returned her home in time for curfew. Jacob walked Bella to the front door, thanked her for a lovely evening and asked if he could take her out again sometime. Bella, of course, said she'd love that. And then he ever so sweetly kissed the side of her cheek to end the evening. Indeed we had raised a gentleman.

Truly, Bella and I were very blessed and I told my wife as much.

Emmett interrupted us once again, announcing the food was ready. I stood up and offered my hand to help Bella up. As she got to her feet, Bella tucked herself into my side, her head fitting perfectly under my chin. We both looked at the family nucleus we had created together.

My lips brushed against her the top of Bella's head.

"He's a good kid, Bells, we've done well, you and I."

I felt Bella nod beneath my chin.

"Yes, Mr. Cullen, we've done well."

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**It kind of feels like the end, doesn't it? To be honest, I had planned to make this specific chapter the ending of this story and had written it months and months ago. I've been sick lately and haven't been able to write, so I decided to put this chapter up. By no means is this the end, though. I promise this is more to come!**

Since you don't know me in real life, and I'm because I'm bursting to tell people, the reason I've been so sick is a good one. Surprise baby number three is brewing in my belly. I'm only about seven or eight weeks (ultrasound Tuesday to confirm). Can I just say 'morning sickness' my ass - more like 24/7 kick-your-ass-make-you-wake-up-at-all-hours-of-the-night-to-dry-heave sickness. But come March it will all be worth it!

**So please be patient if the updates aren't as quick as they used to be. Baking a baby makes this girl sleepy.**

Thank you all for your love, support and words of support in reviews and PM's. I truly appreciate them all!

**xoxoxoxo**


	28. Chapter 28

**Thank you all for the congratulations and kind thoughts, they mean a lot to me! I had to laugh that there were a few of you who want an outtake from Emmett and Jake's therapy session regarding masturbation. Sorry folks, patient confidentiality, I can't reveal. (Read that as I'm personally scare of what went on behind closed doors - even my mind isn't that warped!)**

**This chapter's more fluff than funny but I hope you still enjoy it.**

**Many thanks to Lolo84 and Capricorn75 for your help with this little story of mine xo**

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**Chapter 28**

You know that feeling between dreaming and waking? Where you're not sure if what's happening is real or a figment of your imagination? If you're having a nightmare you try to claw your way out of the darkness to something that's tangible. And if you're dreaming of a sweet memory, like I was right then, you want to be pulled back under and into the moment so you can relive it. I knew I was dreaming and I was more than willing to surrender to the memory.

Bella and I were sitting side-by-side on the edge of our bed with our legs touching. I was in flannel pajama bottoms, bare feet and chest; Bella was in Betty Boop! pj's; fuzzy orange socks on her feet. Funny, that I even remember that fact.

Outside there was a storm brewing, and the wind whipping against the house was making a howling sound. There wasn't rain but you could sense it on the horizon. The weather was tumultuous and it felt like it was resonating in my bones.

I must have checked my watch thirty, maybe forty times during the torturous minutes the test said we had to wait. My knee bounced up and down until Bella put her hand on my knee to still me; we exchanged nervous smiles.

"Is that two minutes?" I asked.

"Close enough. Go check."

"You go check."

Bella shook her head. "I did the peeing, you do the looking."

I wiped my sweaty hands on my legs and went into the bathroom. Bella had left the pregnancy test on the counter and I picked it up and carried it back into our room with nervous hands. Carefully, I pulled off the purple cap and looked at the test.

"Nothing. Isn't there supposed to be a plus or minus sign? There's nothing."

"Edward, that's the part I peed on. You may want to wash you hands." Bella chuckled as she took the test from me. I washed and dried my hands then turned around to see my wife still standing in the same spot holding the test. I couldn't decipher the look on her face.

"Well?"

"It's positive." Her voice was flat, almost monotone.

"Really?"

Bella's eyes lifted to meet mine as she nodded slowly. "Yes, it's positive. It looks like I'm pregnant."

"Wow." It came out as a whisper. Bella and I sat back down on the bed, the test still in her hand. I looked at it again, the positive sign perfectly clear. How I missed that and took off the cap I don't know but I chalk it up to nerves.

It was three months before that Bella had her miscarriage. Seeing the positive on the test was exciting and scary at the same time. The dreaded 'what if' question invaded my head and without voicing it, I knew Bella was thinking the same as me.

What if we lost this baby, too? I wasn't sure my heart could bear to see Bella hurting like that again. Us hurting like that again. Bella reached for my hand and I squeezed it once, twice, three times – our Edward/Bella code for 'I love you'. I smiled at her and opted to not bring up what was on both of our minds.

"Another kid, huh? Shit." I ran my fingers through my hair. "Are we ready for this?"

Bella shrugged. "I thought we were but now I'm scared."

I nodded in agreement. "Me too. We'll be fine, right?"

"Sure we will."

She didn't sound very convincing. We lapsed into silence as we absorbed the news.

"I'm going to need a bigger car." Bella commented.

"And I'm going to need to write more books."

Once more, silence crept in.

"Should we tell Leah and Jake?" I wondered out loud but Bella shook her head and spoke the words that were hanging in the air.

"What if I lose this baby, too?"

"We. What if we lose this baby." I corrected her - no matter what, we were in this together.

"It would be hard to explain to the kids if something happened. We probably shouldn't say anything just yet."

I nodded. "You're right."

"I guess we'll just have to wait and see."

Bella's words hurt my heart. 'Wait and see'. It would prove to be a difficult time for the two of us - not knowing if we should get our hopes up. Every twinge Bella questioned and I was almost afraid to ask how she was feeling.

Somehow, we made it through and in my dream state, time skipped ahead about four weeks. Bella and I were given an early ultrasound to make sure everything was okay. Even though we had a scheduled appointment, they were running behind. Poor Bella hopped back and forth from one leg to the other trying to hold her pee in. My water jokes were frowned upon and I was threatened several times. When we were finally taken into the exam room, the tech told Bella she had too much urine and handed her a cup with instructions to fill it only half way. Bella gave an Edward-worthy snort.

"It's all or nothin', pal."

Turns out she had great restraint and let out the right amount. During the exam, the tech tortured us by keeping the screen turned away from our eyes and was tight-lipped during the first ten minutes of the ultrasound. Bella and I exchanged nervous glances and I could tell she was holding back tears. Finally, we were given good news.

"Well, it looks like you have a healthy little baby growing inside you." He turned the screen and showed us a viable gestational sac and a tiny, beating heart. Bella and I both failed at holding back tears when we saw the flickering heart on the screen. One hundred and forty-six beautiful beats per minute.

The last time we'd been in the clinic, in the very same room in fact, the news hadn't been so good. The tears we'd shed that day were for the baby we lost. But this day, the tears were of relief and pure joy.

I made the doctor double and triple check that everything was okay. Instead of getting annoyed with me, he was very patient and both Bella and I appreciated the kindness he showed. He gave a reassuring smile as he once again pointed at the screen. It was there in black and white, beating strong and steady. Thump. Thump. Thump. We left the clinic feeling elated and yet stunned at the new little life that was truly growing inside Bella's body. I thought she was amazing before, but right then, Bella was a superstar and I held her close as we walked back to our car.

Carlisle and Esme had graciously offered to keep Leah and Jacob during the appointment and for a few hours afterwards. They told us it was in case we wanted to go out and celebrate the good news but Bella and I both knew the truth. If the news happened to be bad it would give us some time to compose ourselves before we picked them up.

We ended up going home instead of out to celebrate. In our room, we lay down on the bed looking up at the ceiling with matching smiles on our faces.

"I can finally let myself get excited about this." I admitted. "Shit, are you ready for a newborn again?"

I felt Bella shrug beside me. "I don't know. If this one's like Jacob I won't be."

"God wouldn't do that to us." Well, he might do it to me, but certainly not Bella.

"I sure hope not." Bella laughed - it was nice to hear her laughter again. I realized then how taxing the weeks had been on us both.

I turned my head to look at her and drew a finger down her cheek."I love you, you know that?"

"Show me."

I tried to hide my fear and I certainly didn't have the courage to tell her I was scared. What if I hurt her or, worse, the baby? I wasn't sure I could watch my wife go through that pain again. Bella knew me well. Her face softened and she placed her palm against my cheek. Warm and reassuring.

"Edward, you haven't made love to me in over two weeks. I know you're scared – I am too – but the doctor said it's okay."

I rolled over so I was positioned between her legs, my weight on my arms so I wouldn't crush her – or the baby. Frowning, I looked at her with apprehension. Bella nudged me with her words.

"Please, baby. I need you."

It's hard for me to resist Bella at the best of times but add in a pleading voice and beseeching eyes and I was ready to submit. Lifting her shirt, I pressed my lips to her stomach, a baby kiss for my son or daughter.

When I looked up at Bella, she was smiling at me. Her fingertips gently caressed the side of my face. I kissed my way up to her mouth, my lips first covering every inch of her belly that in months would be heavy with child.

Bella crossed her arms in front of her and peeled off her shirt. I gaped at her breasts, literally spilling out of the cups of the pink bra she had on. Lightly, I palmed them. A nod of her head and I cupped them every so gently, mindful of the discomfort she had told me she was feeling. They felt so heavy in my hands, so warm; a perfect fit. I watched Bella's face as I planted feather-light kisses on the exposed skin of her soft, swollen breasts. Her eyes were closed, a smile playing on her lips.

I maneuvered myself so that I could kiss her mouth. Bella and I are no strangers to kissing; we do it a lot. But in that moment, when our tongues collided, I couldn't stop the moan that escaped.

"Baby," I murmured against her lips. "I love you." And by 'baby', I meant her and my unborn child for it was in that moment that I let myself fall in love with her.

In between kisses, Bella assured me she loved me as well. There was never any doubt but it was always nice to hear. We continued to kiss and slowly the layers of clothing were stripped away from our bodies much like the trepidation we'd been feeling. Our clothes mingled on the floor in a happy little mess until we were lying naked, our bodies nestled together. Chest to chest, lips to lips; heart to heart.

As a writer, it's my job to describe the feelings one experiences during sex. Not one descriptive word even comes close to describing the moment Bella and I experienced that day. The best way for me to explain it is that it was a whole out of body experience. We made love slow and sweet; there were no words necessary because we said it all without saying a thing.

Like kissing, Bella and I have made love countless times in our years together. And yet I remember every single detail about our love making that day. Not only the feeling of her wrapped tight around me. It was so much more than that. It was our souls reconnecting.

I took notice of the quiet pinging as the rain hit the bedroom windows in a melodic tone.

The faint smell of Bella's perfume as I trailed my nose against her collarbone.

How soft the cotton of the comforter felt under us.

The feeling of Bella's hands as she played with the hair at the nape of my neck and the sound of her watch- tick-tick-ticking - against my ear in that position.

I remember my hand against her waist, my thumb rubbing the indent of her hipbone.

Our legs touching – hers so incredibly silky smooth against mine.

Her toes that almost tickled as they trailed up and down my calf as I moved above her.

My lips pressed against my name on her body.

Our panting breaths blended together as our mouths made contact again and again.

Looking at the clock on my night stand; the seconds were passing so slowly. I moved in and out of her too many times to count. It may have been five minutes or five hours. Either way, they were some of the most perfect moments of my life.

And I couldn't get close enough; couldn't love her enough.

Our bodies moved in perfect symmetry and not just me into her. Our fingers laced together, our lips would meet or our noses would rub against each other. Words of love and adoration were spoken simultaneously in hoarse voices.

Her body and mine, interwoven in every sense of the word. I felt Bella come undone and I pushed further into her wanting to be swallowed up by her, consumed. And I was – Bella consumed me. She was, and forever will be, my everything.

After I climaxed, I collapsed on top of her, a sheen of sweat covering both our bodies; my head resting on her heaving chest. Even though we'd just connected on a deeper level, my hands reached out to touch any part of her skin to keep the intimacy. With her hands she rubbed my head, fingers knotted in my hair, stroking and scratching from my forehead to my neck and back again. The feeling of her fingers on my scalp was equally as wonderful as making love had been. I could tell by her slow caresses she didn't want the moment to end either.

We stayed in our togetherness for who knows how long. Time was so inconsequential - the moment almost like it were a dream but it wasn't. With our limbs tangled, our fingers traced patterns on exposed skin. I knew I didn't want the moment to end just as I didn't want my dream to end. Thankfully, it didn't. Instead it skipped ahead in time after that and it was now a month or so later.

I see Bella in the living room. Leah and Jacob sit down on the couch as she kneels down in front of them. She was wearing jeans and a loose fitting top. She wasn't quite into maternity wear but her belly was there. If you didn't know she was pregnant, you would have thought she'd put on a few pounds. But I knew what was growing inside her and thought it was sexy as hell.

Never one to sit still, Jacob squirmed on the couch and Bella reassured him she would only take a minute. Before she started to speak, she brushed a stray lock of hair off of Leah's face and smiled at her children.

"We kind of have something important to ask you. Your dad and I were wondering how would you two feel about having a baby brother or sister?"

Two year old Jacob answered first with a very polite "No, fank you," and proceeded to pick his nose. A Kodak moment for sure.

Leah, almost four, understood what Bella was saying and her whole face lit up. The squeal she uttered made me chuckle at the time and I wondered if I laughed in my sleep, too. Leah threw her little arms around her mother and thanked her repeatedly then launched herself into my arms. Jacob, not understanding at all, asked to go play cars; we let him.

"Mommy, Daddy, can we get a girl baby? Please?"

"It doesn't really work that way, sweetie." I smiled at Leah and naively, didn't expect her next question.

"How does it work then?" Leah trained her eyes on me. Why me? I thought to myself. Having me explain a baby was...well it was just a bad idea.

"Yes, Edward, how does it work?"

I playfully glared at my wife and cleared my throat.

"It's very complicated, baby doll."

"I'm four. I think I can follow along."

Her response made Bella and I laugh. She was always so mature.

Here goes nothing, I thought to myself.

"Come here." I patted my lap and my daughter climbed up and settled down against me.

"A baby is what results when two people love each other so much."

"Like you and mommy?"

I smiled. "Yes, exactly like me and mommy. When there's so much love between a mommy and a daddy a new life begins."

"It's that easy?" Innocent eyes looked up at me.

"Actually, it starts out hard but it gets easier." I smirked and Bella smacked my arm and shook her head at my inappropriateness.

"Is it fun? I mean, to make a baby?"

"I think so but maybe you should ask your mother."

Again, Bella shook her head at me before she answered.

"Yes, it's fun."

I beamed. Damn rights it was fun.

"But it's also beautiful, romantic and magical." And that's why the explaining should be left up to the mommy. And how right she was. Leah was satisfied with that answer, hopped off my lap, and skipped off to play. My dream continues throughout Bella's pregnancy but at warp speed - quick flashes of her belly growing bigger. I see my hand on her tummy and can almost feel the kicks against my palm. Clear as day I see myself running to the closest convenience store at three in the morning because somebody needed a cream soda or chocolate pudding. And sometimes Bella had a craving too.

Unfortunately, I also see me making an ass of myself. Shocker, I know.

"How are you feeling?" Alice and Jasper were over for dinner; both girls were about five or so months pregnant.

"I'm okay. Still nauseous every day and have been from day one."

"Have you tried mint tea or seasickness bands?" Alice had morning sickness but it stopped after the first few months.

"I've tried it all." Bella rubbed her belly lovingly. "This one better be worth it."

I grinned. "You know what's worth it? Those boobs!"

I admit - alcohol was consumed that night. It usually is for my finer moments.

"Edward!" Bella chastised me.

"It's true, Bella. Jasper, check out her boobs!"

"Did you really just tell one of your best friends to check out my boobs?"

After all of our years together, and a thousand and one inappropriate comments made by me, the shock in her voice surprised me.

I shrugged. Thankfully, Jasper is as much of a dumbass as me.

"Check out Alice's!"

Rather than be ashamed, Alice thrust her chest out proudly.

"I'm a full B cup now."

"I wish," Bella complained.

"Oh don't sound like that, you love them too. Just a few months ago you called from the maternity store all proud."

"That was before I was showing." She turned to explain to Alice and Jazz. "I knew my breasts were bigger so I went out to buy myself a new bra. The girl in the store asked what size I was and I told her a B, which she laughed at. She proceeded to bring me a D cup instead and I laughed at the absurdity but sure enough, D's they were."

"Bitch." Alice interjected.

"Well, they hurt like a bitch, that's for sure."

It really is a shame that as a man, you have these lovely new play things and can't touch them. It's like dangling candy in front of a newborn and then going all Homer Simpson and saying, "ha ha."

Eventually, though, her boobs didn't hurt and I did get a chance to play. And play I did. I think that was my favorite part of the dream to relive.

Unfortunately, my dream moved away from boobs to the night Bella went into labor.

I was working long hours finishing up a novel so I would have a clean slate for after the baby's arrival. I'd just come to bed after a long and difficult day of working on final edits with Rosalie. Bella was already asleep, nestled in a cocoon of pillows. As my head hit the pillow, Bella stirred and headed for the en suite. I figured it was her hamster bladder and allowed myself to be pulled to sleep.

Unfortunately, it was short lived because a few minutes later, Bella was shaking me awake telling me her water had broken. In my sleep-deprived state, I didn't exactly care.

"I need some sleep, babe. Then we can go to the hospital." I patted her hand as I pulled the blankets up around my neck.

"Nice try, Daddy. My contractions are already close together."

I opened one eye. "How close?"

"Close enough that if we're going to make the trip to the hospital in time, we should probably get going now. I've already called your parents, they will be here in a few minutes."

"Shit!" I jumped out of bed and threw on the clothes I'd taken off only a few minutes before. My shirt was on inside out for the delivery in fact but whatever. By the time we got to the hospital, Bella's contractions were two minutes apart. That could have something to do with the fact that I stopped at a 24 hour Starbucks for a coffee. What? If I was going to make it through the birth I needed the caffeine.

The next scene starts out fuzzy and then my eyes focus on seeing Charlotte being brought into this world. I realize it was fuzzy because I had passed out and woken up right in time to see her debut. The look on Bella's face as the baby was placed on her chest – indescribable.

Bella's voice calling me "Daddy" beckoned me closer so I, too, could meet our baby girl. Little Charlotte, named for her Grandpa Charlie, was about as cute as could be. Her name means free and I know now that it is the perfect name for her for she truly is a free spirit.

With Charlotte in Bella's arms and my arms around both of them, my wife and I stared down at our perfect little girl. There doesn't seam to be words to describe the wholeness of that moment. Until then, I'd thought our family was complete with Leah and Jacob but I was wrong. Having Charlotte join our family simply felt right. Love at first site is not a myth.

"Hi baby girl, I'm your Daddy." My hand cradled her head, my fingers gently stroking her forehead. Charlotte looked up at me with bewilderment in her eyes and blinked a few times, long eyelashes sweeping against her cheeks. Damn it, those lashes had me from day one.

Bella and I had until morning when my parents would bring the big kids to the hospital. The three of us all shared one hospital bed, Char swaddled in a pink blanket, nestled in the crook of my arm and Bella tucked into the other. My two girls slept soundly while my adrenalin or caffeine high kept me wide-awake. I didn't mind. It was nice to have a moment with my girls.

I know there was so much more that happened at the hospital but my dream almost fast-forwards through the memories. It should be confusing but it's not. Char's first bath is a blur as is the memory of Leah and Jacob meeting their sister for the first time.

My dream moves ahead to when we're at home, already settled into a routine. I vividly remember the night my dream is showing me. Bella was desperate for sleep but baby had different plans. After she nursed, I took Charlotte to the living room so the crying wouldn't disturb the rest of the household.

Looking down I see Char, probably six weeks old, give or take a week. So small she still fit into the crook of my arm but big enough that she'd filled my heart with love. She'd finally fallen fast asleep still lightly hiccupping in her slumber. The pale blue sleeper she was wearing – a hand-me-down of Jacob's – was far too big and bagged at her feet. Her tiny fist was grasping my pinkie finger, holding on for dear life.

Believe me, little girl, I thought to myself, the feeling is mutual - I'm never going to let you go.

Charlotte sighed contently in her sleep, almost as if she read my thoughts and was comforted by them.

"Dada?"

I looked over to the doorway and there was Jacob in his own footed pajamas, rubbing his eyes with balled up fists. His dark hair was sticking up in a dozen different directions; the pj's were stretched across his belly, another pair he was soon to outgrow. It was in that moment I realized how much he'd grown since we brought Charlotte home. Jake was always big, but compared to the ten or so pounds in my arms, he was a giant. I remember wondering if his head was abnormally large for his neck.

Reaching a hand out, I call him over.

"Come here, son."

Jacob padded over to where I was with a goofy smile on his face. I helped him climb up and he parked his diaper-clad butt on my lap. I ignored the fact that it was squishy.

"Baby." He pointed his finger into Charlotte's chubby cheek. I redirected his hand to softly pet her head instead.

"Gentle. Yes, baby. She's sleeping. Shhhhh."

Jacob's finger went to his lips, copying me. "Shhhhh. Sweeping."

The three of us sat there for a while. Charlotte still slept despite Jacob's constant chatter and questions. He was thrilled when Char grabbed onto his hand, a wide grin adorned his face.

"Morning, Daddy."

Leah's sweet voice came from the doorway. She was wearing a pink nightie with one of the Disney princesses on it and a crown on her head. Her plastic heeled dress-up shoes made a clicking sound on the hardwood as she came to join us. I shifted Jacob over a bit, making room for big sister.

My hands were full with the three kids and my heart was teeming with love. I remember thinking there was once upon a time where Bella made me so happy I thought I would burst. And then beautiful, sweet Leah was born and life was perfect; couldn't be better. When we were blessed with Jacob, our big-hearted little lug - I had the million-dollar family. A son and a daughter -it doesn't get any better than that. Or so I thought. Charlotte was born and our family of four became more perfect as five.

I smiled at my three bundles of joy and asked Jake and Leah for kisses for their Daddy. Each were happy to oblige me and pecked my cheeks, peppering my face with wet little kisses. It was odd how the memory of those kisses felt so real.

Then I realized the dream was fading; the memories tucked back away as the kisses continued. Lips pressed against my forehead and light kisses bestowed on my temples and down my jaw line until finally there was a mouth covering mine - full, soft, familiar lips. I was totally aware that I was in my bed and Bella was the one kissing me. My dream was my reality. I kept my eyes closed, my lips curved up in a smile I couldn't stop and didn't want to.

I shivered – the good kind - as a light lick followed by kisses found their way along my clavicle. Hands caressed down my abs, following what Bella calls my 'happy trail', disappearing into my boxers. I was definitely awake then, certain parts of me more than others. I kept my eyes closed, but my hands tangled in long, silky hair. Bella murmured an 'I love you' into the air before her mouth was busy doing other, more wicked, things.

As good as it felt I had to stop her after a while. Damn, she had proficient skills. Bella looked up at me and smirked as I beckoned her to me.

"Come here, you."

My beautiful wife crawled up my body, breasts rubbing against my chest as she settled herself on me. We came together and made love that rivaled some of my best memories. Afterwards we took a shower and got ready to face the day – our last day at home before we left for our annual Oregon Coast trip.

Bella and I were sharing the mirror – she applying mascara while I shaved – when she asked about my sleep.

"What were you dreaming of this morning? You chuckled in your sleep and had a smile on your face."

"It was a quick trip down memory lane from when we found out you were pregnant with Charlotte until she was six weeks old. I didn't want the dream to end."

Bella feigned to be offended. "Well, sorry I interrupted."

"You can interrupt my dreams any time, baby." I turned her around and pulled her close to me. I nuzzled her cheek, accidentally smearing shaving cream all over her causing Bella to let out a cute little squeal. That only made me pull her even closer and rub shaving cream over the other side of her face.

"Oh, sorry about that. That was an accident."

"Accident my ass."

That right there was an open invitation for me to grab said ass. Which I did – double-fisting those perfect butt cheeks.

"I do love your ass." My nibbling on her ear was interrupted by a gruff voice behind me.

"My God! You're like teenagers." Jake stood in the doorway of our en-suite with his arms folded across his chest, smirk on his face. "Sorry, I knocked but apparently you didn't hear me."

Bella pushed me away with both hands on my chest then used a washcloth to wipe the shaving cream off her face. I shrugged unapologetically at Jake. A blow-job in the kitchen I could apologize for but a little hanky-panky in my own bathroom? No way.

"What's up, Bud?"

"You left your phone downstairs and Uncle Carlisle called. He wanted to know if you're bringing your golf clubs this trip. Then Uncle Jasper called and wanted to ask if you can bring a blender because theirs broke. And Uncle E. wanted to find out what time we're leaving tomorrow. I should charge you for taking messages." Jacob tossed my phone at me.

"Thanks."

"Uh huh. Hey, I, uh, wanted to ask you guys if it's okay if Nessie comes along to the Oregon Coast?"

Bella and I had a quick wordless glance.

"I don't see why not," Bella answered for the both of us.

"Cool. We have the hot tub house this year right? 'Cause I know there's a pull out couch in one of the bedrooms. I figured she could bunk with Leah or Char."

"I think that would be fine."

"Thanks, Dad. I'll give her a call and let her know. We'll just take her car down so there's room in the truck for your clubs now." He winked at me as he left.

I have to admit, I was proud of Jake for not even suggesting that he and Nessie room together. He may have graduated and she may have been of legal age but he knew I'd never go for that. Leah, on the other hand, had the wrong idea in her pretty little head. It was over breakfast that she casually brought up the taboo subject.

"It's okay that Adam and I get the other room with the queen bed right? I'd prefer not to have to squish onto a double."

"Ha! You're hilarious." I shook my head as I ate my Lucky Charms.

"What's so funny?"

My eyes lifted from my bowl and I answered her with my mouth full, milk dribbling out unattractively.

"You and Adam sharing a room. Funny."

"We're moving in together come September and will be sharing a bed then."

"It's not September is it? Nope, pretty sure it's only July."

"Are you kidding me?" Leah glared at me.

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

"Mom, please talk to him."

Bella shrugged. "Sorry, Leah, I think Adam is best to stay with his family this year. We already have Nessie staying with us, we don't need two extra bodies in our place."

"I could stay with Paul, if that helps?" Charlotte kindly offered and I snorted.

"Is Nessie staying with Jake?" Leah demanded.

"Actually, she'll stay in the room with the pull out couch." Leah was quiet for a moment.

"Fine, I guess we'll have to sneak around like we always do."

"Perfect."

Leah growled loudly and stomped out of the kitchen. Did she really think that threat was going to make me change my mind? I dated the Police Chief's daughter – I knew all about sneaking around. Bella would say she was at Esme's studying and if Chief called to check on her, Esme would lie and say she was in the bathroom or something. I don't know how it always worked but it did. Then Esme would page me – remember pagers? and Bella would use my phone to call her dad back. Sneaking around was easier back in the day – now there are cell phones and texts that you can reply instantly to.

I certainly don't envy kids who have to sneak around in this day and age.

Awww, for a moment I almost felt sorry for Leah. It passed.

The rest of our day was spent packing up and getting ready for the trip. Who am I kidding? I returned some phone calls, threw some clothes in a duffel bag and called it a day. Bella was the one running around getting everything done. Mind you, I did check the oil and gas up the truck. Oh, and I had a nap – I had a long drive ahead of me the next day and needed to rest up.

Had I any telepathic powers, I would have packed some Valium for the trip. It would turn out to be a doozy.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed Edward's trip down memory lane. A reader wished Edward and Bella would have another baby so I thought this was a nice way for the readers to see what it was like for them when Charlotte came to be.**

**I am now on prescription anti-nausea meds (Woot!Woot!) and managed to write a couple of chapters this past week. So please stay tuned for the fun from the annual McCarty/Cullen/Whitlock Oregon Coast Vacation. I promise there are lots of laughs to come!**

**Thank you again for continuing to read and review (you will review, won't you? I love chatting with you!)**


	29. Chapter 29

**Thank you for loving on this family. Many thanks for all the reviews and to Lolo84 and Capricorn75 for making my words make sense. xo**

**Chapter 29**

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This year, the drive down to the Oregon Coast was a breeze. We only had Paul and Charlotte in our car and there certainly was no fighting in the back seat from those two. There was also no making out – I made that perfectly clear before we even left the driveway. Hand holding I could deal with and a head on his shoulder was tolerable (barely) but any canoodling, mouth-to-mouth action, or mauling of any kind was absolutely forbidden. In fact, I threatened to stop the car, beat Paul with his own fist, and leave him bleeding on the side of the freeway before continuing on without him.

Our week long vacation started off much the same as any other year. The kids took off on their own in swim trunks and too-small bikinis and we didn't see them until they were hungry. Or stung by a jellyfish as the case were with Jacob. Let me just say it was a good thing my brother, the doctor, was around because I was about to whip out my cock and pee on Jake's leg.

"Edward, what are you doing?" My brother looked at me with an amused expression as he watched me fiddling with the drawstring of my shorts.

"I saw an episode of _Friends_ where Monica got stung by a jellyfish. Joey remembered that urine took the edge off the sting and was going to pee on her but he got stage fright. So, Chandler stepped up to the plate and did the honors. Jacob, just relax, it will be my pleasure to piss on you."

"Dad, so help me if you piss on me, when you're old I will put you in the shittiest old age home I can find."

"While you were watching crap, Edward, I went to medical school. Can you walk okay, Jake? Let's get you to the house and we'll soak it in some vinegar and I'll pull the tentacles out for you." My brother and I sandwiched Jake between us and he leaned on us as a crutch. We made it back to the house and Carlisle fixed up Jacob without urine. To be honest, I was a little disappointed – peeing on my son may have been the highlight of the trip.

I've got to admit, I was a bit offended by my brother saying I watched 'crap'. _Friends_ is a classic. Not as witty as _Seinfeld _but right up there with the classics for sure.

After the almost-peeing-on-my-son incident, the rest of the week went by without much of a hitch. Little did I know, that would all change. But I'll get to that later.

Rosalie and Emmett's cabin was the last one on the strip. Because none of the kids could be bribed to babysit we moved our bonfire to their end of the beach so Rose or Em could check on the baby periodically. That left the other kids with a bonfire at the far end of the beach and free rein of the hot tub most nights.

One of us would casually take a walk down the beach and check in on them a couple times a night. It got to the point where they knew we were coming and jokingly called out "The duck flies at midnight", an indication the parental units were nearby.

On my turn, I was greeted with a smile from Leah. She either wasn't mad at me any longer for not allowing Adam and her to shack up or they'd just snuck away and banged out a quickie, resulting in her smile. I preferred to think she'd come to terms with the sleeping arrangements.

"How's it going, kids?" My voice was a tad sing-songy. Afterall, I did take pleasure in torturing not only my children, but others as well.

"We're as good as we were when my Dad came by about an hour ago," Megan rolled her eyes. "Do you really have to keep checking up on us?"

"We're not checking up on you," I weakly protested. "I came for beer."

"I'm sure there's beer in our fridge."

Thank you, Adam, for pointing out the obvious.

"There is, but our fridge is colder, makes for better beer."

It was then that I noted Jake and Nessie were absent and asked where they were.

"I think they went for a hot tub." Paul jerked his head toward the house; I nodded.

"Catch you guys later."

"Is Uncle Carlisle up next?" Leah laughed.

"Actually, I think it's Jasper's turn." I winked at her and waved as I made my way over to the house.

As I climbed the steps, I could already hear the jets bubbling, and suddenly a hot tub soak sounded good to me. I wondered if Jake would mind if I joined them for a few minutes - my back could use the work of the jets. As I rounded the corner, I could tell I was definitely interrupting something and doubtful they'd want a third party joining them.

Jacob had his back to me, his lips firmly attached to Vanessa's. She was straddling his lap, chest to chest; her fingers were knotted in his hair. They were completely oblivious to me and making out like it was their last day on earth. Had it not been my son, it would have been pretty hot, actually. I almost wanted to high-five him but then Nessie broke their kiss and pulled back a bit. It was then that I was assaulted with the visual of her naked breasts. With nipples. Two of them. And they were looking at me as I was looking at them.

Thankfully, or not, it was short lived because Jake placed a hand on one and his mouth on the other. I didn't know what was worse, seeing my son's girlfriend's naked boobs or my son's mouth attached to her nipple. The last time I'd seen that, Jacob was eighteen months or so and the nipple was his mother's. Let me assure you, that's a far less disturbing visual.

I must have choked on my vomit, or croaked like a frog in heat or something, because Nessie's eyes opened and locked on mine. She let out a scream - which I interpreted to be her calling me a disgusting peeping Tom - and quickly covered up. With hands on her breasts, she hid under the water as best she could, leaving only her very red face sticking out. Jake turned around and when he saw me, his eyes went wide.

"What's up, Dad?" Jacob's casual tone made it seam like it was an every day occurrence for him to get caught sucking on a boob. His hands deceived him though. They mimicked mine as we both ran our fingers through our mess of hair.

"Jacob." I nodded curtly in his direction. "A word, perhaps?"

"Uh huh," he answered me but made no attempt to move.

"Now."

"I, uh, kind of need a minute here."

I caught the gist of what he was saying more by his red face than by his words.

"Shit, of course. I'll be in the kitchen. Nice to see you, Nessie."

Nice to see you, Nessie?! I was a fucking idiot.

"Uh, that's not what I meant. Jake, I'll be inside."

It took a few minutes before Jacob walked into the kitchen wearing a towel around his waist. I raised an eyebrow.

"FYI: I have shorts on. Needed a minute to, uh… deflate, ya know?"

I nodded. "So, that was a little awkward."

Jake snorted. "Ya think?"

"How did you not freak out when you walked in on Mom and I?"

Because I was pretty close to freaking out.

"Maybe because I didn't get a full frontal of mom." He shuddered. "I'm, uh, sorry you had to see that."

"Heh, heh, a boob's a boob, right?"

Keep telling yourself that, Edward.

"I'm am a little concerned because apparently you weren't using a condom? Unless they now make hot tub proof rubbers?" I scratched my head as I asked – more as a nervous habit than because I had an itch.

"Dad, we weren't … you know. Have you ever tried to have sex in a hot tub before? It's not exactly easy."

I was glad to know somethings haven't changed.

"Well, then, son, kudos to you for a hot make out session."

Jacob grinned. "Thank you very much."

"Shit, no, that's not what I meant." I changed my tone and used my deepest voice and furrowed my brow. "Jacob, that was very inappropriate."

"Sorry." Although his smirking tone certainly didn't sound apologetic. "Poor Nessie – she's pretty mortified right now."

"Tell her not to worry about it. Just please don't let the other kids know, I certainly don't want the hot tub turning into a cesspool of bodily fluids."

"Gotcha."

I made a mental note to check the PH balance and throw in extra chlorine later. Unfortunately, I had to walk past the hot tub and still red-faced Vanessa on my way out. I was planning on saying nothing but Nessie spoke to me briefly.

"I'm really sorry, Mr. C., that wasn't cool of me."

I looked over at Jake. "It takes two, Ness. Besides, I didn't see much anyways. I mean, I'm not saying your breasts aren't much. They were great. Pretty, even. Shit, no they weren't. Fuck, you know what? Never mind. Let's never meet like that again, hmmm?"

From my peripheral vision I saw Jacob shaking his head at me, no doubt willing me to shut the hell up. Believe me, I wanted that too.

"That sounds like a good plan. Goodnight."

"Uh huh."

I was surprised I could walk away considering both feet were inserted into my big, fat, obnoxious mouth.

As I approached the kid's bonfire, I loudly cleared my throat because the last thing I needed to see was anyone else making out. Thankfully, they were all good -for the moment - and that was good enough for me.

Finally, I made it back to the adult bonfire where no one was necking, thank God.

"What's with the face?" Bella asked, as I dropped into my chair and gave an exasperated sigh.

"I interrupted one of the happy couples." I scrubbed my hands over my face.

"Is Paul still alive?" Emmett razzed.

"It was Jacob and Nessie."

"What exactly did you interrupt?" Bella placed her hand on my thigh as she asked.

"Jacob's mouth attached to Vanessa's nipple."

"Shut up! Better let me check on the kids next." I assumed Emmett was kidding but you never knew with him. I threw him my best 'what the fuck look' and continued.

"They were in the hot tub. Nessie straddling Jake's lap, full on dry humping."

"Technically, it wouldn't be dry humping if they were in the hot tub." Always a lawyer, Jasper was quick to argue that point and I rolled my eyes at him.

"Thanks, Jazz. That makes it so much better." I muttered 'asshole' under my breath.

"Like father, like son," Carlisle teased.

And I thanked him with my middle finger.

Emmett 'ppffff'ed' loudly.

"Consider it research. Visuals are always good for research."

And they are except if it's your kid. That's just wrong, on so many levels.

"That reminds me, how's Leah doing?" Rosalie asked. Carlisle, Esme, Jasper and Alice looked confused so Bella filled them in on the whole finding-out-my-dad's-a-pervert-and-my-mom's-his-whore fiasco.

"Wait, Leah mastered a flogger?"

"Really, Emmett? That's what you got from the whole story? How Leah can expertly crack the whip?" I shook my head.

"It's a valid question. She is dating my son after all. I'm just wondering if I should be concerned or excited for Adam is all." I glared at him. "Relax, I'm teasin' ya."

"So, all that's left is for Charlotte to find out," Esme said quietly and I groaned audibly.

"Oh God, I can't do it. Leah thinks I should out myself to her but I can't. That's my baby girl. She still looks up to me, albeit only sometimes. How am I supposed to tell her that I bang her mother against walls, screw her in the shower, and fuck her under the stars and then write about it?"

Jasper called me a 'show off' under his breath but loud enough so I'd hear. I'd given up on apologizing months ago.

"Well, I certainly wouldn't put it that way." Rosalie chuckled. "You'll have to speak to her like an adult and hope she understands."

Even Bella laughed at the absurdity. "At sixteen she is far from being an adult. This past week she had a complete melt down because the zipper broke on her favorite pair of jean shorts. I'm with Edward on this one. I think we need to wait it out for a while yet. Hopefully no one slips up before we get a chance to tell her."

"Don't look at me – there's no way I'll be outing myself."

Silently I prayed that was true.

On our second to last evening on the coast, the 'grown ups' - and I use that word loosely because Emmett certainly hasn't grown up at all - sat around one massive bonfire, sharing stories. Okay, and drinking. I may or may not have had my fair share of beer. Again.

The topic turned to bad dates and having no real bad dates to discuss myself, I sat back and listened as Jasper and Emmett became our storytellers.

"I went on a blind date where the first statement she made after we ordered our drinks was 'I'm on Prozac and can't orgasm.' I was like, well okay then, gotta go." Jasper shook his head at the memory.

"I'm on Prozac; I have no issue," quipped Alice.

"Holy shit, this is you on Prozac? No offense, I mean that in the nicest way possible." Rosalie teased.

"No offense taken. You should see me off my meds."

Jasper got a cocky little grin that needed no further explanation and truthfully, frightened me a tad.

"I went out with this one guy for about a month. He called me before our scheduled date to ask if I planned to have sex with him that night because he wanted to know if he should shave his balls or not." Rosalie shuddered.

"Ewwww! Do guys do that?" Alice asked and all eyes turned to me.

"Why the fuck are you all looking at me?"

"You are the man-scaper of the group." Emmett informed me, matter of fact.

"Fuck you, and you and you." I pointed my finger at the males in the group. "I man-scape. I trim the forest. I certainly don't clear cut."

"Bella, only you can confirm or deny." Emmett waited for Bella to respond but my wife had my back.

"All you need to know is man-scaped or not, the man is a pistol in bed." I blew her a kiss and silently promised her a kick-ass orgasm for that later.

"I dated a lawyer who was a pistol in the courtroom but not so much in the bedroom. She was highly intelligent—"

"Why was she dating you, McCarty?" I mocked.

"That's Doctor McCarty to you, Cullen. Anyways, she was smart as a whip. I used to go to watch her in court and called it foreplay. It was seriously hot. But as soon as we'd get into bed, she'd turn into a four-year old with her incessant baby talk. 'Does your pee pee want a wittle kissy-wissy?' I couldn't get it up after she called my dick a 'pee pee.'"

Esme stroked her chin with her thumb and index finger thoughtfully. "So 'dick' is okay, 'pee pee' isn't. Any other pet names that you deem unacceptable?"

"Don't get me wrong, 'pee pee' is acceptable to say, to Ethan. I don't want my baby walking around talking about his pork sword or hairy hot dog." Emmett clarified. "Personally, I prefer dick, cock, or big wazoo."

"So, in the middle of sex you want Rosalie telling you to stick her with your big wazoo. Nice one. Edward, do you think you can work some dirty talk like that into your next novel? Maybe your main character wants some back door action with a pork sword." Jasper wondered.

Alice made a face. "Am I the only one not into dirty talk? I don't want Jazz mentioning any form of meat product, or calling me a slut or a whore while we have sex."

"It's all how it's said, Ali." Bella smirked and Rosalie leaned over to high-five her. God, I loved the smirk that was playing on my wife's lips. It told our friends I was amazing in bed without me having to brag about it. Again.

"Alright, Mr. Sex, give us an example of how it's done correctly then." Alice folded her arms across her chest and waited for me to comply. I looked at Alice and back to Bella who simply shrugged at me.

"Oh, yes, Master. Teach me." Jasper put his hands together and bowed his head reverently.

"Gotta admit, I'd love to know what goes on over in your bedroom." Emmett chuckled.

I jutted my chin at him. "I bet you do."

"Emmett's a pretty decent dirty talker," Rosalie challenged.

"That may be so, but I'm the one married to E.A. Masen, Rose. The man knows how to get women off using just his words." The sly smile playing on her lips was sinful. I could tell you for a fact, her statement was true, at least for one particular woman anyways.

Jasper grinned. "I do believe there needs to be a showdown of sorts. Let us be the judge of who's the best."

Carlisle snorted. "This, I gotta hear."

I jerked my chin at my so-called competition. "You first."

Let me preface the following by reminding you that I wasn't the only one who had alcohol.

"You cool with this, Rosie?"

"Go for it, stud." That purred encouragement was all Emmett needed and he launched into what he called dirty talk.

"Yeah, baby, suck me good. I love your red lips wrapped around my thick dick. Can't fit me all in, huh, baby? Yeah, you know it. Sixty-nine me. Fuck, your pussy is fucking wet. I need to be inside you. Let me put my dick in your pussy. You're my pretty little slut. Yeah, fuck my dick, baby."

There was probably more, but I tuned Emmett's gruff voice out. It simply wasn't working for me.

Emmett put his hands out for his grand finale of 'I'm coming! I'm coming!' and waited for the applause.

"Well, I can see how 'pee pee' wouldn't have the same effect." Esme noted with a slight chuckle in her voice.

"That was weak man. You get off on that, Rosalie?" I shook my head, feigning disappointment. "Listen and learn, people. I am the master dirty talker. I hope someone has a cigarette ready, you're gonna need it."

I took a long swig of my beer and cleared my throat before I began. I pretended I was alone with Bella - very naked and ready-for-me Bella. With my I'm-so-fucking-sexy-but-actually-I'm-just-drunk voice, I began.

"Bella, just lie back and let me make you come, baby. Mmm, you taste so good. Like honey. Do you like my tongue on your clit? I know you do, and my fingers inside your pussy. And your tits, fuck, baby, fucking beautiful tits you have. I love those perky little nipples. I'm going to sit back and watch you touch yourself now, baby. What are you thinking about when you're doing such naughty things? Are you thinking of how hard I'm going to fuck you? Come here. I want you to ride me hard. Come all over my cock and—"

"Oh, good Lord! Is this what you guys do at night? Sit around and have one big orgy?"

I stopped mid-sentence, turning to gape at Adam and my face felt like it was on fire. Emmett smirked and threw me to the wolves.

"Oh, you know Uncle Edward, Adam, always the life of the party."

"Fuck you, Em."

"I heard yours too, Dad. I agree with Uncle E, it needs some work. Poor Mom." Adam teased. I liked that kid more and more.

"Did you need something, Ad?" Rosalie asked.

"Nah, I just came back for a hoodie. Thought I'd stop by and say hello but I'm slightly regretting that decision now."

"Where are the rest of the kids?" It was Jasper who asked, I guessed he was hoping he could get a verbal update and not have to make the walk over. Lazy ass.

"Everyone's just hanging out. There was some talk about going for a swim but I don't think that's going to happen."

"No one's missing from the fire?" I asked, wondering if another couple was going to try and get their rocks off in the tub.

"All accounted for, sir." Adam saluted me. "I'll let you guys get back to it."

After Adam walked away, we lapsed into silence, staring at the flames licking the logs. But it was bugging me - I had to know who was the better dirty talker.

"Who won, me or him?"

"Edward," Bella said as quickly as Rosalie said "Emmett." Both Alice and Esme refused to comment so I turned to Jasper and Carlisle.

"Both were slightly hot and slightly disturbing at the same time." Jasper admitted.

"Who wants to go for a swim?" Carlisle refused to give an opinion and deftly changed the subject.

"I'm too lazy to walk back and get my suit." Bella and Alice agreed with Esme.

"Who said anything about suits?" It would be my mouth those words came out of. Before I knew what I was doing, I was peeling off my shirt and my khaki's, stripping down to my skivvies.

"Come on, we used to do this all the time back in the day. Who's with me?" I waited patiently and soon enough, everyone else was stripping down.

Did you know you could learn a lot about your friends by what underwear they chose to wear?

Emmett's were white and far too tight with 'Hello Kitty' written on the front. Jasper had on slightly worn Superman briefs and I half wondered if he'd owned them since he was ten. Carlisle had on Papa Smurf undies that said "Who's Your Papa?" Suddenly my boring, white Calvin Klein's felt mundane. I thanked God I was wearing briefs that night and not tighty whities – no doubt I would have been teased if I had.

As for the girls, to be honest, bra and panties look so much like bikini's I didn't really notice. Mind you, there was a bit more butt cheek exposed on Alice than I needed to see.

The eight of us ran for the water like a bunch of college kids. At first the water was cold but I dove under the waves immediately and became acclimatized fairly quickly. I coaxed Bella out to deeper water, away from our friends after a bit. She was weightless in the water and I lifted her up easily, her legs wrapping around my waist. Our lips came together in a series of kisses.

"I thought you won the dirty talk, baby," Bella whispered against my lips.

"Oh, yeah? You liked that?"

Bella shrugged one shoulder slightly. "Certainly not your best work, but good none-the-less."

"I'll have to try harder then, won't I? Why don't I tell you exactly what I'm going to do to you tonight after I get you alone in bed?"

"What's that?"

Cautiously I looked around to make sure no one was listening or would interrupt us. Everyone was self-absorbed, which was fine by me.

"First, I'm going to lay you down and start licking, and kissing, and nibbling at your pretty little toes." I placed a kiss on her shoulder. "By the time I work my way up to your pussy, oh, baby, you'll be begging me to let you come."

One of my hands brushed against the front of her underwear and Bella's eyes fluttered closed for a moment.

"Will you?" Bella bit her lip as she asked. One of my fingers snuck under her panties and dipped into her wetness. I continued to tease her with my words and my finger.

"Since you're such a good girl, you bet I will. I'll make you come with my tongue and my fingers in your hot little—"

Suddenly, Bella let out a blood-curdling scream and Emmett popped out of the water with a grin on his face.

"Asshole, Emmett!" I agreed with Bella's sentiments exactly.

"Sorry, you two looked a little too cozy out here. The rest of us are heading in, you guys coming?"

"That was the plan," I grumbled as Bella admitted she was getting chilled and we swam back in. It was a good thing the water was cold, it helped to shrink the boner I was sporting.

Rosalie was kind enough to grab towels and blankets and we sat together by the fire to warm up and dry off. By one am, we were dousing the flames and calling it a night. The couples each walked hand in hand back to our respective houses.

When we got home, Leah and Adam were fast asleep on the couch, the last of the credits from the movie they were watching playing on the TV screen. They were spooning but surprisingly, it didn't disturb me. Adam had his arms wrapped around Leah, his nose at the nape of her neck. There was a smile on his lips as he slept, and on Leah's as well. What struck me the most was how completely content they both looked. Really, I couldn't ask for anything more for my daughter.

Bella came up behind me, her arms around my waist as she also took notice of the kids. I felt like the Grinch on Christmas morning as I turned off the television and pulled a blanket over the duo. Bella smiled at me as she held her hand out to me and we made our way upstairs to finish what we'd started out in the water.

I woke up before everyone else, and tip toed my way downstairs to the kitchen. I set up the coffee pot and crept through the living room out to the deck while the pot brewed. The couch was empty; the blanket neatly folded and put back where it belonged. I had no idea how long Adam and Leah slept together and really it didn't matter any more.

As I sat on the patio, I lost myself in the waves as they crashed ashore. Monotonous yet tranquil and soothing.

"Coffee?"

I turned and accepted the steaming cup from Leah's out-stretched hand.

"Thanks, sweetie. You're up early."

Leah shrugged as she sat down on the arm of the wooden deck chair.

"Sure is beautiful here, huh, Dad?"

"That it is. I could write a whole book just on how the ocean makes me feel."

"I know you could." She smiled shyly at me as she held her hair off her face. "Thanks, by the way."

"For covering you guys up? No problem."

"Uh, no. I meant for all the family vacations here. They are some of my best memories. Did you, I mean, you were the one who covered us up? I assumed it was Mom."

I shook my head. "You looked so happy together."

"We are happy together."

I nodded. "I know that. I always did. Last night, I could see it though. I'm happy for you, Lea-Lea."

My daughter spoke quietly, "You haven't called me that since I was a little girl."

I reached for her left hand and held it between my own. Long gone was the mismatched and chipped, sparkly polish over dirty fingernails. I held the hand of a young woman. One day, and I suspected soon, I would be offering that very hand to Adam on her wedding day and I would be more than happy to give it to him. I brought her hand to my lips and left a lingering kiss on the back of her hand.

"You'll always be my little girl even if you belong to another."

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**Aww good old Edward - putting his foot in his mouth one second and sappy the next. ****The next chapter continues with the vacation. The fun isn't over yet.**

**Will you please, please review? Yeah, I'm begging! All-day-kicking-my-ass sickness is still making me feel sub-human. Reviews make me feel slightly better. I'd love to hear from you xo**


	30. Chapter 30

**Thanks for all the kind reviews! They each made me smile through my all-day-kick-my-arse-poorly-named morning sickness. Thank you for being so sweet! Many thanks to Lolo84 and Capricorn75 for their words of encouragement and love. **

**Chapter 30**

* * *

Remember I mentioned that this particular Oregon Coast trip was going to be a doozy? The jellyfish incident started us off. Then came the boobs-that-shall-not-be-mentioned-again and the dirty talking competition that was interrupted. I totally won that, by the way. But, all that had nothing on our last night there.

That evening we went out for our traditional Italian supper and then came back and separated between our two bonfires. As per usual, we made our appearance at the other fire often. On one of my turns, Emmett offered to go with me. The bonfire was almost out and unattended, so Em and I followed the giggles up to the house. First stop: hot tub.

There we found Paul, Charlotte, Nicholas, Bree, Megan, and Jessica chatting and soaking in the tub. I noted right away that all bathing suits were tied up, no one was sitting on anybody's lap, and no lips were attached. A very good start.

"What are you guys up to?" I asked casually, as we arrived on the scene.

"Just hanging out. What, it takes two of you to check in on us now?" Megan teased.

"I'm not checking in on you, I came to join you." Emmett pretended to strip off his shirt much to the kid's chagrin. "Who's up for truth or dare with their old man?"

The kids all exchanged worried looks and I couldn't help but laugh. Trust me, I've played truth or dare with him and wasn't about to subject minors to that. Although, there were a few questions I'd love to hear answers to.

"If you tell me where I can find Jake, Nessie, Leah, and Adam, I'll get him away from you."

Charlotte answered, quickly, "Jake and Nes are inside and I think Leah and Adam went for a walk or something."

Yeah 'or something' was probably about right. I thanked her and went into the house in search of my son first, dragging Emmett with me.

We found Jacob and Nessie, alright. They were sprawled out on the couch, Jacob on top of Vanessa. The only positive was that they were fully dressed. Unfortunately, clothes didn't stop them from grinding against each other.

"Ahem!" I cleared my throat, loudly, while Emmett merely grinned beside me.

"God damn it." Jacob grumbled as he detached himself from Nessie's mouth and removed his hand from under her shirt.

"Good Lord, man, you're going to chafe yourself. Hey, Nessie." Em wriggled his fingers at her as she and Jacob struggled to sit up.

Jacob gave me a 'what the fuck' look as I shrugged my shoulders. Payback for all the times he cock-blocked me when he was a kid. What was I saying, 'when he was a kid'? He _still_ cock-blocked me.

Jacob settled himself on the couch beside Nessie, grabbing a pillow to cover the obvious bulge he was sporting.

"I know you take great pleasure in ruining my pleasure but was there something you needed in particular?"

"Just some popcorn and then you can continue."

I smacked Emmett's arm.

"What? He's not my kid; that was kind of hot." Poor Vanessa was redder than I'd ever seen even Bella get.

"Vanessa, my apologies for my friend and for interrupting. Unfortunately, it's our job to make sure no one has intercourse, or in your guys case, outercourse, on our watch. We're going to ruin Leah's fun next. Any idea where she is, Jake?"

"Try the beach," he grumbled.

"Thanks."

"Yeah, yeah."

Emmett and I left quietly and I noted Em politely turned the lights down on his way out. When we were on the beach I confronted him.

"Why'd you turn the light off? That's an invitation to fuck."

Em shrugged. "You cock-blocked him last night and again tonight. The poor boy may die of blue balls."

I snorted. "You can't die from blue balls."

"Maybe not, but I think you've forgotten how uncomfortable it can be. God, Ethan interrupted Rose and me just last night…" His words trailed off as he rubbed his groin tenderly. "Just let the boy get his rocks off."

I rolled my eyes as I scanned the beach for the other two. Emmett found them first. Correction, he found their pile of clothes first. He smirked as he held up a bra that was far too sheer and lacy to belong to my daughter.

"Heh heh. Looks like those crazy kids went for a skinny dip. Don't even think about it, Edward. Leave them be. They're adults now. Our fun was interrupting Jake and Nessie. We can go back and do that again if you want?"

"Did you want to?" I chuckled. "No, you're right. Come on, let's head back to our fire."

Back with our group, we reported about the humping and skinny dipping. Carlisle and Jasper merely shrugged their shoulders like it was no big deal.

"I bet if it were your kids, it'd be a bigger deal." I accused, as I sat back down.

"What were you like in college, Edward?" Jasper asked. "I didn't go to school here but I can tell you, in Texas, I certainly found myself in my fair share of trouble."

Carlisle agreed. "I almost learned more about anatomy at frat parties than I did in class."

"Trust me, Edward was no saint. Those two," Emmett wagged a finger between Bella and me. "They would fuck like jack rabbits. Edward and I did the old 'a tie on the door handle means the dorm is occupied' trick. Except he and Bella always beat me to it. Finally, I said 'screw you guys' and I'd go in anyways. How many times did I walk in on you?"

I snorted. "Too many."

"In our defense, it was a luxury not to have to sneak around anymore. Sex in the back of Edward's car wasn't exactly all that comfortable."

To be honest with you, I kind of miss car sex. Sure, it's not as sexy as movies make it out to be, and you have to contend with long legs in a small space, but it was always pretty hot. Maybe it was the whole trying not to get caught aspect or perhaps because I was a horny seventeen year old. I made a mental note to plan on some sexy times in the back of my car soon. Well, maybe Bella's truck - it had more room.

"I, for one, was thankful that we got a two bedroom the next few years. Although the walls were thin, at least I didn't have to walk in on you anymore."

"I bet you guys had some wild parties." Rosalie chuckled, knowing Emmett well.

"Remember the time you made out with the tranny?" Emmett glared at me as Bella and I laughed.

"Excuse me?" Rosalie quipped in a high voice.

Emmett started defending himself. "He was _almost _a she."

"That makes it much better, Em," I cajoled. "She did have a nice rack." I could at least give him that. "Probably the funniest night ever! Bella, remember?" I started laughing all over again.

"How can I forget? Edward and I were… well we were busy in his room. Suddenly I heard a girl screaming and not the good kind of screaming."

I picked up the story as Bella started giggling. "The screaming was Emmett. He'd been making out with he/she in his room when something poked him in the stomach."

Emmett wore the same horrified look on his face then as he had that night. "I ran out of my room so fast, you have no idea."

"As did Bella and I trying to figure out what the hell was going on. There was Emmett, in just his boxers, and then she came out topless and in skimpy underwear with a huge boner yelling 'I thought you knew!'. So fucking funny."

"Not funny for me. I couldn't jerk off for days."

"Poor baby." Rosalie teased as she rubbed his arm. Emmett really needed to work on his pout.

We traded more stories back and forth of our college days. Somehow, though, reliving some of our wild parties, or hearing about Jasper skinny-dipping with his profs, or Carlisle's drinking games didn't make me feel better about Leah and Jake's future college experiences. I decided perhaps Charlotte shouldn't grow up. Maybe we should start looking at all-girl colleges for her. Did they even exist?

As the hours passed, Carlisle, Esme, Rose, Emmett, Bella and Jasper all headed off for bed. Never one for wanting to let the vacation end, I was up especially late with Alice for company. The two of us stayed up, not really talking yet enjoying each other's company as we watched the fire die down to glowing embers.

"I should get to bed," Alice said quietly. I nodded in agreement with a heavy sigh. We made sure the fire was out and I offered her my arm as I walked her back to her door.

Alice took a whiff of the night air. "Weird. It smells like skunk out here. I don't think I've ever smelled that here before."

"You're right. If I didn't know better I'd think Jasper was out here smoking a fatty."

Alice shook her head. "He didn't bring any this trip."

We shrugged it off as I dropped her off at her house and I continued on my way.

The smell got stronger as I approached my beach house and I was more and more convinced it wasn't from a skunk. Weed has a distinct flavor to it and I walked passed my house down the beach a ways to investigate. I admit, I was anticipating coming across Jacob and/or Nessie smoking a joint. I pushed my way through a few of the low-lying tree branches into a clearing. There, I was stunned to see Paul with the lit joint in his hand and a giggling Charlotte with him.

They were half sitting and half lying down a blanket. There were a couple candles pushed into the sand that were barely flickering in the breeze. Paul had shorts on, zipped up but unbuttoned, his shirt in the same manner. I took notice of Charlotte wearing her bikini top and a skimpy white skirt that left very little to the imagination – although mine was working over time. The disturbing part was the panties Paul had in his other hand. They weren't granny panties, that's for sure.

I may have been jumping to conclusions but holy fucking shit, it certainly looked like he was seducing my daughter and using weed as part of his ploy. To say I was pissed was the understatement of the summer.

"What the fuck is going on here?"

"Oh shit!" Charlotte swore while she giggled. It was apparent at that point that she'd already taken a toke. Paul glanced over at Charlotte who was trying desperately to sober herself up but he said nothing.

"Someone better start talking right fucking now!"

Silence.

Since neither one was going to address me, I was going to address the situation – my way.

Grabbing Paul's shirt, roughly, I hauled him to his feet. As I fisted the material tightly I glared daggers at the son of a bitch. I snatched the joint out of his grasp, pinching the ends with my fingers to snuff it out and held it in front of Paul's face.

"Not only are you under-aged, you're encouraging my sixteen year old daughter to smoke a joint, too? So you can, what? Seduce her later? Fuck her and she won't put up a fight?"

There was an arm tugging at my sleeve and Charlotte with a pleading voice.

"Daddy! Don't—"

"Are you going to explain this to me?" I asked my daughter but she stared back at me with frightened eyes. "I didn't think so. Stay out of this, Char," I barked as I shrugged away from her grasp. "I gave you both the opportunity to speak and now it's my turn. You are not to see my daughter ever again. Do you hear me? EVER. Your relationship is over right fucking now." I was literally spitting my words into Paul's face but he didn't flinch, didn't even move a muscle. Cocky motherfucker.

Charlotte started crying and I could tell that I was scaring her. I let go of Paul's shirt and turned to my daughter. She was staring at Paul with wide-eyes, brimming with tears. I'm not sure she realized exactly what her boyfriend had been planning on doing to her that night and I started seething all over again. My sweet and innocent Charlotte could have been...shit, I couldn't go there.

"Charlotte, go up the house and wait for me in the living room."

"But—"

"Now!"

She dropped her head down to her chest and mumbled that she was sorry before she made her way through the trees to the house. I snorted at her apology. It was the jerk in front of me who should be apologizing, not her.

As soon as she was out of site, I was back in Paul's face again.

"What the hell is all this? A blanket and candles? At least you were going to try and seduce her with a little bit of class, kudos to you. Where's the condom? Or were you just going to get her high and fuck her without one? You piece of shit."

"Are you finished?" Paul asked, quietly. "I'd like to go home now."

"Am I finished? This is far from over. You'll be lucky if I don't have you arrested for offering drugs to a minor." I jerked my chin at him. "Get going, I'm about to make it a whole lot worse. We're going to have a little chat with your parents." I realized then he was still holding Charlotte's panties in his hand and I snatched them away from him and stuffed them into my pocket. There was no way he was keeping any kind of souvenir.

I watched Paul's shoulders slump slightly as he made his way back to his place. We both knew Emmett and Rosalie would do far worse to him than I ever could.

Paul walked about five paces ahead of me along the beach. Above the waves I could hear him muttering to himself but couldn't make out the words. He was probably trying to plan an escape route. I would if I was him.

At the house, Emmett was still up, watching TV. He saw his son's somber face and my angry one and flipped off the tube.

"What's up?"

Paul sunk into a chair as I went to stand beside Emmett, folding my arms in front of my chest.

"I smelled weed drifting along the beach and went to investigate. There was your son, joint in hand, clothes askew, with my daughter who'd clearly already taking a hit."

I saw Emmett's jaw clench as I continued. "It was all very romantic – a blanket, some candles. Give a minor a little weed and maybe she won't protest."

"Edward, I don't think — Paul?" Emmett was obviously confused and didn't know what to make of my accusation and turned to his son for clarification.

Paul held his hands up and didn't say a word; I took that as admission of guilt. I wanted to kill him.

"I've already told Paul in no uncertain terms that his relationship with Charlotte is over."

"Obviously." Emmett agreed. "Edward, I'm sorry. Is Char okay?"

"Fuck. I don't know. I didn't even think to ask. She sure as hell better be okay."

"Go back and make sure she's alright. Don't worry, Rosalie and I will take it from here. This is not something we will treat lightly." Emmett squeezed my shoulder, his gaze narrowed in on Paul whose eyes were cast downward.

Emmett walked me out and we exchanged a few words on the porch.

"God, I don't know what to say. Paul's told me all along he was willing to wait for Charlotte. I can't believe he orchestrated all of that to try and take advantage of her." Emmett shook his head in disbelief.

"I gave them both the opportunity to explain and neither did. Perhaps I dealt with it all wrong. I saw my baby girl in a situation I deemed dangerous and reacted. A joint in hand, Paul's short and shirt were undone, Charlotte's underwear in his hand—" I couldn't finish and Emmett didn't expect me to.

"Go make sure Charlotte's okay. Rose and I will deal with Paul." Emmett gave me a quick back slapping hug before I made my way back to my beach house.

So many thoughts invaded my head on my walk back. I wasn't too late was I? Was Charlotte forced into doing something she wasn't ready to do? Honestly, if that were the case, I couldn't guarantee Paul's safety. I would kill him with my bare hands with no apologies to Rose and Emmett.

I was surprised when I walked into the fully lit living room where my family had gathered. Leah flanked Charlotte's side on the couch as Bella sat across from them, wringing her hands. Jacob was pacing back and forth like a concerned father. Notably missing was Nessie, and I silently thanked her for staying away.

Bella frowned at me as I walked in. Her hair was disheveled and there were bags under her eyes. She was clearly worried, confused and exhausted; I knew the feeling.

"Is someone going to tell me what's going on?" If I hadn't been so angry, I would have found it comical that it was Jacob, not Bella, who asked that question.

I scrubbed my hands over my face. "Why is everyone up?"

"I woke up to Charlotte's hysterical crying in Leah's room and Jacob trying to figure out what was going on."

"You didn't tell her, Charlotte?" My eyes turned to her; she shook her head without looking up at me.

I sat down beside Bella and told her exactly what I'd come across. Paul with the joint and panties in hand, giggling Charlotte, blanket and candles. The more I thought about it the angrier I became, as did Jacob.

"If he hurt her, I'm going to kill that son of a bitch!" Jake was pounding his fist into his hand as he paced.

"After me, Jake."

"Jacob and Edward, both of you need to just stop for a minute. We have no idea what transpired. Charlotte, would you like to explain what went on? Did Paul force himself on you? Or try anything you weren't comfortable with?" Bella— the voice of reason—asked.

Charlotte shook her head and spoke with a voice that was wavering.

"You've got it all wrong."

Jake and I snorted simultaneously.

"Dad, can you give Char a second here?" Leah's eyes locked on mine, almost pleading with me. I took a deep breath and waited. Leah whispered something in her sister's ear and Charlotte nodded but didn't begin to speak or even raise her eyes to mine for another few minutes.

"Charlotte, I'd really like to know what's going on." I said it as nicely as I could but I know there was an edge to my voice because I was getting quite impatient to know what the hell was going on.

"This is so embarrassing," Charlotte muttered as Leah rubbed her sister's back, encouraging her to speak.

"Leah and Jacob, can you let us talk privately, please?" Bella's tone didn't give them a choice in the matter. Leah briefly pressed her lips to her sister's head and left quietly. Jacob patted his little sister on the back before he followed behind. When the three of us were alone, Charlotte started to speak in a quiet voice.

"It was all me. I brought the joint, the blanket and the candles down to the beach. It was me trying to seduce him." She stopped to bit her lip.

"I'm not sure I understand?" I looked at Bella as I asked and she seemed to be equally confused as I was.

"I decided I was ready to, you know. But Paul's been turning me down left, right and centre. Leah told me about her and Adam's first time last summer and…" She stopped and rubbed her hands over her face, upset with herself for telling her sister's secret.

"Anyways, I just thought maybe some weed would mellow Paul out a bit. Make him relax. But he wouldn't even have a hit. He took it away from me and was trying to get me to put my clothes back on when you found us."

I didn't believe her. I couldn't. She was making it up to keep me from killing him.

"Dad, you have to believe me. This wasn't Paul's fault in any way. It was mine!" Charlotte hunched over and sobbed in to her hands.

I shook my head and groaned. This was all a big mistake? What a fucking mess.

"But you told me you were sorry? I don't understand?"

"I was apologizing to Paul, Dad. I knew you were about to kill him and it was all my fault."

"Why wouldn't Paul just tell me the truth then?" I challenged but I already knew the answer to the question that had just left my mouth.

"We all know you would never believe that. Besides, Paul's too sweet. He'd take the heat for me any day. And, well, he did."

Fuck, that he did. I'd said some unforgiving things to the kid. He wasn't the asshole, I was.

"I need to go talk to Paul and apologize. Shit!" I stood up, as did Charlotte, and she threw her arms around my waist in a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry, Daddy. I'm sorry."

"I know you are, Char." I sighed heavily as I kissed the top of her head. "We obviously have some things we need to discuss but not tonight. Go upstairs; get some sleep. It's going to be one long ass ride home tomorrow, young lady. Now if you'll excuse me I need to explain things to Rose and Emmett before they beat the shit out of their kid. "

"Tell Paul I'm sorry." I nodded, silently telling her I would. But first, I had my own apology to give. Damn it.

I jogged along the beach to the McCarty's with my brain confused. Fuck, Charlotte had instigated it all. My mind was assaulted with visions of my baby girl being the aggressor and wielding a flogger. Oh God, I wanted to be sick. I wanted to turn back time when boys were gross; when I was the only boy she had eyes for.

I took a breath before I knocked quietly on Emmett's door and let myself inside. Rosalie was sitting with her arm around Paul, their backs to me. Emmett wasn't around but I heard slamming cupboards in the kitchen and could only assume the noise was from him.

I listened in on Rosalie and Paul talking, my presence still undetected.

"That's very noble of you to take the wrath Paul but it's not necessary." Rose's hand rubbed up and down his back in a very motherly way. I saw Paul shrug.

"He already hates me. There's no point in making him pissed at her over a stupid choice she made."

"And your dad? Are you going to tell him the truth?"

Paul shrugged his shoulders up and that's when I intervened.

"I was wrong, Paul. And I'm here to apologize to you and I'll explain things to your dad as well."

"Edward, hi. When did you get here?" Rosalie asked. She greeted me with a hug.

"Just now. Paul, I'm so sorry." My hand patted my chest as I apologized sincerely.

Emmett emerged from the kitchen, a drink in hand; scowl on his face. I repeated my apology for him to hear and explained what had actually happened down on the beach. Emmett face softened considerably as he realized his son wasn't the asshole I'd made him out to be.

'Sorry' is a very hard word to choke out at the best of times but when you were actually in the wrong, it's that much harder. It's even more difficult in front of an audience of your best friends. I was humbled and kind of relieved when Paul thanked me then asked if we could speak privately outside. When we were situated on the deck I apologized to him again.

"Charlotte told me exactly what happened. I'm sorry for over-reacting and for the harsh way I spoke to you. Hopefully you can understand that I walked in on something that appeared to be one thing when in fact the opposite was taking place. She's my little girl, Paul, I know you don't get that but—" I shrugged. "Your mom's right, it was very noble of you to want to protect Charlotte."

"Don't worry about it, Uncle Edward. Really, it's fine."

I nodded. I still felt guilty but Paul apparently had let my comments roll off his back. We sat in silence for a moment and then he shattered the quiet with his words.

"I love her."

I choked on my spit and starting coughing and sputtering. Paul slapped my back asking if I was okay; I barely managed to tell him I was. Once he knew I was alright, Paul cracked up with laughter.

"Don't go and die on me."

I shook my head. "Naaa, I'd never make it that easy on you. No, no. I'm… I guess I'm a little shocked is all. I mean, no offense, but you don't exactly seam like the 'fall in love' type guy."

"I know you think I'm some loser who goes around sleeping with a bunch of girls—"

"I wouldn't say 'loser'…"

Paul snorted quietly before continuing.

"But I do love her. I haven't even told her that yet but I do. Besides my mom, she's like the only girl I can say that about. Charlotte's not just another girl to me."

"I'm glad to hear that. Because if you hurt her, I'd hate to have to break your face."

Beside me, Paul rubbed his palm against his chin as he thought about my words.

"Charlotte and I haven't, uh, been intimate yet."

I thought I silently thanked God but I'd said those words out loud.

"I want to, believe me, but I want her to be ready too. Tonight Char told me she was but then she brought out the joint and I knew if she needed to be half cut, she wasn't really ready. I was trying to get her dressed and take the joint away while explaining that I would wait for her – no matter how long – and that's when you showed up."

"I've always had impeccable timing," I teased. Paul gave a shy half smile as we lapsed back into silence.

"I'm still going to wait for her." He told me again as we were about to make our way inside.

I extended my right hand to the boy who just told me he was in love with my baby and was pretty much a saint for wanting to wait until she was ready to have sex. As much as I wanted to continue to hate him, I couldn't. Damn those McCarty boys. We didn't exchange words with our handshake; more was said in the gesture.

Paul and I walked back inside together, where Emmett and Rosalie were waiting.

"Rosalie, Emmett, my apologies to you as well for bursting in. I should haven't have reacted as I did."

Emmett threw an arm around my shoulder. "No need to apologize, Edward. In your situation, I would have reacted exactly the same."

"Sorry again, Paul. It's unfortunate you won't be able to see Charlotte for a while – my little sweetheart will be grounded for more than a few weeks. I can respect the fact that she was making an adult decision to have sex. I fully understand why she couldn't tell me the truth when I was blinded with anger. While I do appreciate that she fessed up fairly quickly once I returned home, a minor smoking weed I can't overlook. You're welcome to travel home with us tomorrow but there will be one uncomfortably long lecture about the perils of drugs. I'm guessing you'd be more comfortable going home with your parents."

"I suspect it will be painful but if it's okay with you, I'd still like to come home with you. It may be the only time I get to spend with Charlotte for a while."

"You're a brave kid. I should forewarn you, there will probably be some sex talk and if you can handle that as well, be my guest."

"Heh, heh. In that case, I may have to re-think my decision."

I walked back along the beach, shoes in my hand, bare feet in the sand and the wind in my hair. I sank down in the sand outside our now darkened house to be alone with my thoughts. He loved her; I loved her. But I was the protector of her heart. If he hurt her, I would hurt him. Really though, Paul was a better man than I'd given him credit for and Charlotte was more brazen then I'd ever expected. I didn't even know what I was going to say in the sex talk. Or the drug talk for that matter. There were times when parenting came easy to me. The times where I could love them, play video games with them or when we were casually sitting around chatting back and forth about our day. And there were times when being the parent scared the shit out of me. I wasn't a man of God, but I prayed that I would somehow find the words when the time came.

A short while later, a head was placed on my shoulder; a small hand found its way into mine. My Charlotte. I tucked her close, my nose buried in her hair as we sat in silence for the longest time. Stupidity aside, she still was my baby girl.

"I'm so sorry." Charlotte's words reached my ears before the wind blew them away.

"I'm still mad about the weed but I've come to realize that all kids do stupid things sometimes."

"Even you?"

I snorted. "Are you serious? I was the king of stupid."

"Did you ever smoke pot?"

Shit. I knew that question would one day come up. As much as I wanted to lie, I knew she deserved the truth. I nodded.

"Once or twice."

Or a half-truth as it was.

"How old were you your first time?"

"Sadly, younger than you." I told her the story of Tyler and I smoking a joint and Ty's subsequent raid of the vending machine during Biology. Although she and I both found that part funny, remembering my father's furious face showing up at the principal's office was sobering.

"Grandpa must have been pissed."

"You have no idea, kiddo."

"Oh, I think I have a pretty good idea."

I managed a chuckle. "That wasn't my first bone-head move. Tyler and another friend named Ben and I got into a lot of shit together. We got drunk or stoned; snuck out of the house." I shook my head at all the antics I'd gotten myself into. "Don't get any ideas from your old man, baby girl. Anyways, soon after the pot smoking stunt, my parents told us we were moving from Chicago to Forks."

"Shit, you must have done some awful stuff to have Grandpa up and move like that."

I shrugged as I debated telling her some of the other things we'd done.

Breaking into the high school one night, we switched the sign plates for boys and girls outside the washrooms. It made for a funny and confusing morning.

The time we toilet papered the principal's office – using the toilet paper from the washrooms at school, of course.

Egging Mr. Banner's car. Twice.

There was the time Tyler drew obscene pictures on the clear projector pages with a sharpie that were projected for everyone to see once class started.

Or the time Ben switched the videotape from health class with a porno tape. At least the students got a real education that day.

And even if I wasn't the instigator, I was always a willing participant. God, I'd been a real little shit back in the day. Charlotte didn't need to know the details. I looked at my daughter and smiled.

"Trust me, I did some stupid shit. My dad did what was necessary to get me to turn my life around. Lucky for me, I met your mom and the rest, as they say, is history."

"So, uh, what kind of punishment did you get for getting stoned?"

"It was awful. No TV, no phone or computer access, spending days cleaning toilets and nights hanging out with my parents playing board games. You know, all the things that make you feel like your sixteen-year old life is over."

"But your dad still loved you, right?"

"Always, kiddo. Nothing can or will ever take that love away."

Charlotte nodded as she realized that no matter what my love wasn't going any where.

"Where'd you get the joint from?"

"A guy from school."

"Had you smoked before tonight?"

Shoulders shrugged beside me.

"Charlotte, for us to have a solid relationship, we have to be honest with one another. I'm going to ask one more time for the truth. Had you smoked before tonight?" I waited patiently for her answer.

"Once. Okay, it was twice before. Both times were at a party. Honestly, it kind of weirded me out. I was out of my head and felt funny."

Twice before. Shit. I chastised myself thinking that Bella and I should have had the drug talk before it came to this.

"Why would you want to feel weird and out of your head for your first time?"

"I've heard your first time hurts and I wanted to dull the pain. I thought if I smoked some weed, I'd be relaxed and it wouldn't hurt as much. It doesn't matter anyways. Paul still didn't want to have sex with me." She tried hard to not cry but I felt the wetness seep through my shirt onto my shoulder. I let her tears fall for a moment before I spoke.

"I talked to Paul tonight. Trust me, he wants to have sex with you." I scrubbed my hand over my face and wondered if I should have even told her that.

"He- he does?"

"Unfortunately, yes. And not just because he's a guy and you have the right equipment. He genuinely cares about you."

I debated telling her that Paul was in love with her, but those weren't my words to say. Charlotte deserved to hear those words from him the first time. Perhaps he would blurt it out unceremoniously like I'd done with Bella in the parking lot at school. Or maybe he would tell her as Bella had done with me, in a moment of quiet before they made love the first time. No matter how Paul would tell her, Charlotte's world would stop and she would remember the exact moment it happened for a lifetime. No, they weren't my words to give to her.

Beside me, Char nodded. "I care about him, too. I thought I was ready to have sex but maybe I'm not."

I tucked her closer to me, if that were even possible. "I'm going to tell you a secret."

Charlotte looked up at me with big, hopeful eyes that were brimming with tears.

"What's that?"

"He'll wait for you."

Those were the last words we shared on the beach that night and I hoped they were resonating in her head. I don't know how long the two of us stayed on the beach but it was long enough that the tide came in, tickling our toes with each wave. We walked silently back up to the house and I pulled her into a tight hug before she went into her room, closing the door with a click.

I walked down the hall to my room, slipping inside quietly so I wouldn't disturb Bella. I stripped off my clothes and crawled under the sheets. Bella had a sixth sense when it came to me and welcomed me into her arms. I rested my head on her chest, her hands caressing and massaging my neck.

"You okay?" Her voice was raspy with sleep.

"He loves her."

"Paul told you that?"

"Yes, but it wasn't just that. I could see it in his face. And I'm guessing the feeling is mutual. That scares me more than anything."

"More than them having sex?"

"Absolutely. It means her heart has the potential to be broken one day."

"It's a risk everyone takes in life, Edward. To love and to be loved, you open yourself up for heartache. But you also open yourself up to some of the most wonderful feelings a human can ever hope to experience. It's give and take."

"I'm not sure I could handle it if her heart gets broken. Tonight, when I thought Paul had hurt her… Bella, you have no idea what I'd be capable of if that were the case."

"But it wasn't, so let's not go there. Let's sleep now, my love. Right now, Charlotte and Paul are exploring their relationship. She's growing up; we need to let her. Let them make their own discoveries and mistakes."

Fingertips trailed slowly up and down my spine and I let that feeling lull me to sleep. But I slept fitfully, knowing that the time had come for me to come clean to Charlotte about who I really was. I'd told my daughter I needed her to be honest with me and felt like a hypocrite for uttering those words when I was harboring a secret about myself. The thought of telling her scared the shit out of me but I knew it was time. Pretty sure I groaned in my sleep as I anticipated her reaction.

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**And that's what's coming up next. **

**How do you think Charlotte will react? **

**Send me your thoughts of this in a review, please and thank you xo**


	31. Chapter 31

**I truly adore all the reviews this fic has received. You have made this girl laugh and cry with your words. I can't thank you enough for your kindness but I'll try - with this funny little chapter! Thank you to Lolo84 and Capricorn75 for all your help. Love you girls!**

**Chapter 31**

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The drive home from the Oregon coast was a long one - for me. Charlotte asked some tough questions about drug use that I had to think of intelligent answers for. Like how did I feel about Uncle Jasper admitting to smoking once in a while and what my thoughts were on that. She also wondered how I would feel about smoking weed if we lived in Canada where the drug laws were much more lenient. Bella and I were as honest as we could be. I told her I didn't care if Jasper smoked because he was an adult making that choice and he didn't do it in front of, or with, his children. And if I lived in Canada, I would have bigger issues than smoking weed, like naming who the Prime Minister was or figuring out their weird loonies and toonies. Okay, so I grazed over some of the questions. But at the end of the day, I could only hope that Charlotte understood that while she was living in our home, as a minor or not, illegal drugs were simply not permitted. Bella and I implored her talk to us if she found herself ever wanting to try anything else along those lines – especially ecstasy which was apparently rampant at high school parties – a thought that scared the shit out of me.

The sex talk was easier, go figure. Bella and I were having sex at her age so there really was no argument in that she was too young. My only request was that she wait until she was truly ready – heart, mind, body and soul – before she committed herself like that to Paul. Charlotte agreed to make sure she gave that some serious thought. Don't worry, her punishment gave her plenty of thinking time and lots of time and distance between her and Paul. I knew sex wouldn't be happening anytime soon because she was grounded. Sometimes I loved when kids fucked up – it worked to my advantage.

We'd been home from the Coast for a few days already and I was still avoiding telling Charlotte about my alter ego. I am the master procrastinator when I want to be. I'd cleaned the garage, re-organized my shed, even sorted through my mismatched socks which sadly, brought me a lot of contentment. I contemplated outlining my next novel but when I drew a blank, I knew it was time.

To say I was a nervous wreck would be a lie. In fact, I was dreading it more than all three sex talks combined. I debated how and where to do it but ultimately, decided at home was the best place. That way, Charlotte was free to be angry or pissed off. She could yell at me, stomp around and/or slam doors without making a scene. Selfishly, that was actually more for my benefit more than hers.

Bella, Leah, and Jacob all knew the plan for the day. At the breakfast table, the three announced they were going to go see the new Bourne movie after lunch and Charlotte pouted. Honestly, I did too. _ I_ wanted to see that. Since Char was still grounded and was stuck at home, why not make a bad situation worse by telling her I was a pervert who wrote porn, right?

"Actually, Char, there was something I wanted to talk to you about, so after they leave, meet me in my office?"

She was immediately suspicious, glancing between her siblings and her mom. All deftly avoided her eyes and made idle chat about nothing really – a sure sign there was something up. The rest of the morning, Char avoided me but when everyone left I knew it was time and called her down to my office.

"You wanted to see me?"

"I did. Come on in, I don't bite." Well, I did but my daughter didn't need to know of my penchant for Bella's inner thigh.

Charlotte sat down on one of the chairs and I sat behind my desk. There were two reasons for that. One - she couldn't see my nervous knee bounce, and two- it offered me some protection if she decided to attack. Honestly, I didn't know how my youngest daughter was going to react to the news.

"I wanted to talk to you about something important. Your mom and I think you are grown up enough to know. This may or may not change how you feel about me. I'm going to be honest with you, kiddo, I'm pretty nervous here."

"Okay?"

"Let me first assure you that no matter what, I love you. Your brother and sister, too. You guys are the most important things to me."

"You're gay!"

"What?! Why would you even say that?"

"Oh, you're not?"

"No, I'm most certainly not gay. Maybe I should have added that I also love your mother. Why would you think I'm gay?"

I bet it had something to do with my man-scaping. Damn it, just because I liked to be clean cut, didn't mean I batted for the same team. What the hell?

Char shrugged like it was no big deal. Believe me, her thinking I was gay was a big fucking deal.

"You and Uncle Emmett—"

Right there, I had to interrupt her.

"Emmett? You think he and I, that we- ewww!"

I was flabbergasted. I mean, of all people, Emmett? Jasper, maybe. But Emmett? He was just so ….big… huge even! He would crush me from behind. My poor ass! Oh good Lord! Why did I have to go there? I waited for an explanation while I tried not to dry heave.

"Well, you two have a pretty close relationship."

"Because he's one of my best friends."

"You guys hug, like, a lot."

I guess I'd never noticed that before. I made a note to curb the hugs with him from that moment on.

"Em and I have been buddies since our first year in college," I explained.

"I've heard a lot of stuff happens that first year." Charlotte quirked me a cocky, and suspicious, eyebrow.

"I can assure you, I'm not gay. Never have been; never will be."

"If you say so."

"Trust me. Your mom is the only one – man or woman - that I've even been intimate with. Wow, this got more off topic then I anticipated. Where was I? Right, I've wanted to tell you for a while now but the time never seemed right. I told you that night on the beach that I wanted you to always be honest with me and that means I have to be honest with you."

"Are you sick with cancer or something?"

"No."

"Oh." Her face fell.

"Don't sound so disappointed."

"No, no that's not it. It's just you're awfully serious right now so I figure it's something major."

"And me being gay was your first guess and dying was your second. Wow."

"Sorry. How about I stop talking and just let you finish?"

"That's probably a good idea." I paused to scratch my head. "Let me ask you a question. Do you know who E.A. Masen is?"

Charlotte blushed. "Did Jake tell you?"

"About what?"

"Never mind."

I wagged a finger at her. "Not never mind. Spill it. Honesty, remember?"

"I kind, of, sort of, borrowed the book Leah has stashed under her bed. Jake caught me reading it last week."

"You've read _Inspiring Gabriel_?"

Red cheeks ratted her out. "Among others."

"I thought your mom told you they were too mature for you?"

Charlotte laughed nervously. "You tell a kid not to do something and they're probably going to do the opposite, ya know?"

I nodded. "Okay, so you're familiar with the books." I wasn't sure if that was going to make things easier or harder for me?

Shit, here goes nothing…

"I'm E.A. Masen."

I was pretty sure Charlotte stopped breathing, at least for a moment.

"Pardon?"

"I'm him. I wrote those books."

"For real?"

"Yes, for real."

"Huh."

I scratched an invisible itch trying to figure out what 'huh' could mean. She had the ability to say it like Bella - it was neither good nor bad, and more of a sound than an actual word. Like the word 'fine', 'huh' could mean so many things and in this situation, I wasn't sure what that particular 'huh' meant. Was she saying 'Huh. You're a sick fucker' or 'Huh, that's kind of neat'? I opted to continue talking while I watched Charlotte's face for some kind of emotion.

"So, uh… I've been writing for over twenty years. My identity has been a secret for decades."

"But Mom knows."

"Yes, she does. She's the one who encouraged me to write."

"Who else knows?"

"Auntie Rosalie, Uncle Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Uncle Carlisle, Auntie Esme, Leah, Adam and Jacob." I counted on my fingers. I thought that was all. "Oh, and Tanya Denali, some Hollywood producer."

"Did you say Tanya Denali? Holy shit, she's, like, famous."

"She's also a whore. Sorry," I shook my head. "I shouldn't have said that word."

"Why? You say a hell of a lot worse in your books. Whore, bitch, c—"

I held up my hand. "Please don't say that word. Please."

Charlotte smirked. I could tell she wanted so badly to bust out the 'c' word; I thanked God she didn't.

"So, pretty much everyone close to you knows."

I nodded. "Pretty much."

"For how long?"

"How long have they known? I don't know – your aunts and uncles for a while. Adam and Jacob since before Christmas and Leah most recently."

Charlotte nodded thoughtfully. "So, I'm the last to know."

I chuckled. "I sure as hell hope so."

As I looked at her, her expression changed from thoughtful to something else. I still couldn't quite read her. Was she pissed?

"Char? What's with that face?"

As she folded her arms across her chest she glared at me with dark eyes. "I'm the last to know."

Yeah, she was pissed.

"Uh…Wait a sec. You're not upset that I write erotica but you're mad you're the last to know?"

"I'm always the last person to know. Like everyone else in has known for forever and I've been left out of the loop. What, you didn't trust me to know? Thought I'd blab it to everyone? 'Charlotte can't be trusted, let's keep this from her.' Thanks a lot."

"No, no, no. That wasn't the case at all! I didn't want anyone to know!"

"Except Leah, Jacob and even Adam all knew before me."

"All by mistake!"

"Should I feel honored that you're telling me personally?"

"Yes."

Charlotte graced me with a look and I quickly tried to change my answer.

"I mean no. Shit. Wow. This isn't what I was expecting."

I grabbed a piece of Scotch tape off the dispenser on my desk. I started pressing it against the tabletop, picking up the minute pieces of dust and debris. When the tape was no longer sticky, I folded it into a tiny square before throwing it away. As I was about to peel off another piece of tape, Charlotte said my name.

"Uh, Dad?"

I hadn't realized she'd been watching my nervous habit and I gave her a shy smile and low chuckled apology. Some people bite their nails, or run their hands through their hair (both of which I do, by the way) but I also had some weird, quirky habits that were lesser known. Well, until then.

I walked around my desk and sat beside my daughter. "Char, baby girl. I didn't want you to know because I'm your dad and I write erotica. It was a secret because it's not exactly easy to tell your kids that you write graphic sex. Can you understand my position?"

"I guess. But, I'm still pissed I'm the last to know."

"If it makes you feel better, you're the first one I willingly told." I bumped shoulders with her hoping that fact would make her feel better. And I think it did for a short while. We sat together in silence for a minute and then Charlotte sat up in her chair.

"Okay, wait a sec."

Oh shit.

"You write all that graphic smut about sex against walls, in showers and blowjobs while speeding down a highway—"

FYI: the word 'blowjob' looses a lot of its je ne sais quoi when said by your kid.

"—and then sit there and lecture me, Leah, and Jake about a hand on a boob or a few kisses shared in a hot tub?"

"That – that's different."

"Why?"

Shit. Why? Uh…

"Because you're the kid and I'm the dad."

So there. I resisted sticking my tongue out.

"Double standard, hey? Do as I say not as I do?"

Exactly. I'd prefer not to envision my kids in some of the compromising positions I'd put Bella in.

Like bent over the bathroom sink.

Tied to my headboard, spread eagle.

Riding me backwards in the front seat of my car.

Unfortunately, things went from bad to worse when I smirked at the visions in my head. I'm such a moron. My smirk was mirrored by my sixteen year old and that went beyond disturbing.

"Have you ever gotten a blowjob while driving? Come on, Dad, let's be honest with each other here. Isn't that what this was all about – honesty?"

God, I hated that she was mocking me with my own words. Charlotte didn't really expect me to answer that question did she? I glanced over at her and she cocked me an eyebrow.

"Well? How much of your writing is real life? Are your books fact or fiction?"

Damn it. It was time for me to get serious. Good luck, right?

"You know what, Charlotte? I don't think what I do in the privacy of my own home is any of your business." I realize that 'in the privacy of my own home' was a stretch because there certainly had been indiscretions out and about but that was beside the point.

"Maybe it's not my business but apparently it's public knowledge."

Why couldn't she be disgusted by it all like Leah had been? Time to pull out the big guns – the one that took Jacob down.

"You do know that all those dirty scenarios were first acted out with your mother and then written about?"

Surely that tidbit would wipe that smirk off her pretty little face. I mean, that had almost made Jacob puke. I was wrong.

"Mom's feisty and adventurous, huh?"

You know, I always thought Jake was the one who was most like me. He's outspoken, cocky. A bit arrogant even. But in that moment, as my daughter and I faced off, I realized I was wrong. My youngest daughter had more of my blood cursing through her veins than the other two. In Charlotte, I'd met my match. The one I was most worried about finding out, seemed to be the one who was the most okay with my profession. It was then that I laughed. I laughed so hard my stomach muscles hurt.

"What's so funny?"

I waved my hands around in front of me. "This. This whole awkward, weird situation is funny."

"Why?"

"I was so scared for you to find out. I thought you would think I was a disgusting old man."

"I never said you weren't. Kidding, kidding. Actually, I think it's cool. You're kind of famous."

"I guess."

"And I guess if anyone would understand about being a horny teenager, you would."

I cringed at my sixteen year old using the word 'horny' in casual conversation with me. Is this what my life had become? Words like 'whore', 'horny' and 'cunt' were an every day occurrence with my children? Dinner conversations were going to be interesting from then on.

"I mean, sex is sex if you're fifteen or fifty."

"You know I'm not fifty, right?"

Char winked at me."And maybe given that you understand so well, you'd be more likely to cut some slack in regards to curfew, boys in the bedroom, etc. Perhaps cut a grounding short because you're sooooo understanding."

"Nice try, kiddo."

"Worth a shot."

"You're really okay with this? With me?"

Charlotte shrugged. "It's not like anyone actually knows it's you. My friends won't be making fun of me behind my back or anything. Yeah, it's cool."

"Cool." I repeated, feeling relieved. I couldn't believe it had gone so well.

"I bet Jake jerks off to some of your books."

And not cool. I choked on my spit.

"What did you say?"

"Sorry, I'm honest to a fault."

I put my arm around her. "You come by it honestly, kid."

...

Bella poked her head into the kitchen later in the afternoon, asking if the coast was clear. I told her about how my confession was received and she was pleasantly surprised. While we were talking, our house phone rang and Bella reached for it.

"Hi, Dad! We're good, how are you? Uh huh…We'd love to see you. Okay then, see you tomorrow. Looking forward to it. Bye. "

As she hung up the phone, Bella looked at me, perplexed. "Dad's coming for a visit tomorrow. He has something he wants to tell us."

It wasn't often Charlie made the trip down to 'the big city' as he called it, so I could understand why Bella looked confused.

"Do you think something's wrong? That the tumor is back and it's worst this time?" The tears welled up in her big brown eyes as she choked out exactly what I was thinking.

"Come here," I tugged Bella to me, enfolding her into my arms. "Whatever your dad is coming here to tell us, we'll deal with it. Together. Okay?" I tried to reassure her with kisses as she nodded against my chest.

I know Bella didn't get much sleep that night. She tossed and turned and I awoke early in the morning alone. By the time I made it down to the kitchen, it was evident she'd been up for a while. Along with two loaves of bread that were rising on the island, there were pots of red, white, and meat sauce simmering on the stove, mounds of grated cheese and freshly made pasta noodles. Seriously, who makes fresh pasta nowadays? Bella, that's who. I'm the luckiest man alive.

Even though I hadn't had breakfast yet, I dipped my finger into the sauce pot and tasted her masterpiece.

"Please tell me we're having lasagna for breakfast?"

Bella swatted my hand away and shooed my behind. "Don't touch my sauce!"

"But, baby, your sauce always tastes so good." I smirked at my own double entendre as my wife rolled her eyes at me. "You've been busy."

Bella shrugged. "If I have to hear bad news, at least there will be good food to go with it. Can you pick up wine for me today?"

"Of course. Anything else I can do? We can form an assembly line for the lasagna."

Bella declined my offer saying she needed to keep her hands busy to avoid her head from over thinking. I understood and let her be.

Charlie arrived in the early afternoon. He was greeted with hugs and kisses and we shook hands amicably with a head nod at each other. I knew something was up when he asked the kids to give him a few minutes alone with Bella and me. Oblivious that anything was possibly wrong, they went on their way without a second thought.

I ushered my father-in-law into the living room and shut the French doors to give us privacy. Bella and I sat on the loveseat together, facing Charlie. He was nervous - beads of sweat formed on his brow and his knee bounced up and down.

"Okay, there's no easy way to say this."

Before he could continue, Bella burst into tears. "Oh no, Daddy."

Not one for handling emotions well, Charlie looked at me, silently asking for help. I put my arm around Bella and shushed her quietly. She managed to stop her tears and wiped them away with the back of her hand.

"I'm sorry. I'm fine now. Go ahead." She continued to sniffle as Charlie began.

"I've sort of been seeing someone. A woman. Her name is Sue. I, uh, really like her. And I wanted to ask her to move in with me." Charlie sighed as though a huge weight had been lifted off his chest.

I grinned. Chief was getting some action. Bow chicka bow bow. Wait a sec. Charlie was getting some action. Ewwww!

Bella's face was expressionless.

"What did you say?"

He repeated his statement practically word for word and Bella started laughing.

"I thought you were coming here to tell me you were dying or something."

"Heck no. I'd make that a phone call, not a visit." He scoffed at the absurdity. "Before I asked Sue to move into the house you grew up in I thought I should, I don't know, ask your permission or something. She may want to redecorate, but don't worry, I will make sure she knows your room is off limits."

"Dad, I haven't slept in that room in over decades! Do with it as you want. Oh my gosh, you have a girlfriend! Tell me all about her! Where did you meet? How serious is it? I mean, it must be serious if she's moving in. Wait a sec, are you two—" Bella's words broke off and Charlie blushed.

"I don't think that's any of your business. I'm still the father here."

"Eewwww! That's not what I was asking!" Bella shook her head and I knew she was trying as desperately as I was to shake that image out of her head. "Are you going to marry her?"

"Geez, kiddo. I don't know. I'm kind of old to get remarried and I don't think a white dress would be prudent, if you know what I mean."

Again, eewwwww.

"Because she's been married before and has kids. Two boys." He went on to explain how he met Sue at a policeman's ball and they'd hit it off; they'd been dating for six months.

"Don't you think you're rushing into things, Dad? Moving in together after only knowing each other for six months?"

Charlie glared in my direction. "If I recall correctly, after six months the two of you were doing things that probably weren't deemed acceptable for kids your age."

I felt like I was sixteen again and he'd caught me with my hand on Bella's boob. I wanted to tell him karma had paid me a visit for that several times but he continued.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have sprung this on you. I should have told you about Sue months ago. Honestly, it kind of snuck up on me. These … feelings."

I jerked my head at him as I smirked. "You in love, Chief?"

Quite literally I watched him cringe at the word.

"I like her. I enjoy spending time with her." He said it very matter of fact but I didn't let it go.

"You love her." I almost sang the 'k-i-s-s-i-n-g' song but couldn't remember all the words.

"Edward, I do carry a concealed weapon. You may want to shut up."

"Yes, sir."

"Can we tell the kids?" Bella asked excitedly.

"That was my plan. I kind of wanted their blessing."

"And not mine? Never mind, shutting up now." I zipped my lips.

...

"Grandpa has an announcement," Bella announced as the garlic bread was passed around the table. "Dad?"

Charlie fidgeted in his seat and took a few gulps of wine before he told the kids about the woman he'd been dating. Normally so confident, it was kind of fun for me to listen to him stumble over his words.

"Is it serious, Grandpa?" Leah asked.

"It is. Leah, Jacob, Charlotte, I want to ask Sue to move in with me. Before I do, I want to make sure you're all okay with that."

"Grandpa's going to tap some ass. Nice."

"Jacob!" Bella scolded as I tried to hide my grin.

"I think it's great. Adam and I are moving in together come September."

"Does your father know?"

"He knows. He's not impressed," I said flatly.

"Did Dad give you the 'why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free' speech?" Leah rolled her eyes in my direction.

Charlie shrugged. "No one needs to lecture me, Leah. I'm an adult and make my own decisions. Besides, Sue gets the pig and the sausage for free."

Had my mouth been full, my wine would have been spewed across the table.

"Daddy!"

Charlie smirked as if to say 'check mate'.

"I think it's cool, Grandpa." Leah got up from her seat to give him a hug and Charlotte followed suit.

"You kids are okay with this? Sue will be at Christmas and other family events. She'll be part of my family." Charlie's gaze rested on each of the kids and Bella; he avoided me because, apparently, my opinion didn't matter.

"Go ahead and shack up with your girlfriend. I think it's awesome." Jake smiled at him from across the table.

"Doesn't bother me," Charlotte commented as she dug into her lasagna.

"Alright then. When I get home tonight, I'll ask Sue to move in." Charlie smiled to himself.

"What a day! Grandpa has a girlfriend that he's moving in with, and I find out my Dad's really the famous E.A. Masen. Crazy."

I froze - my fork paused, just poised outside my mouth; my heart stopped beating. My eyes darted toward Bella who looked just as shocked as I was. Suddenly, everyone was inspecting the food on their plate.

I went over the conversation with Charlotte about who knew about my alter ego. Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Carlisle, Esme, Leah, Adam, Jacob, and whore Tanya Denali. Nope, I'm pretty fucking sure I didn't say Charlie or Grandpa anywhere in there.

I relaxed after a moment because really, there was no possible way that my straight-laced father-in-law would have any idea who E.A. Masen was, let alone that he wrote porn. I put the forkful of pasta into my mouth, mentally noting that I needed to remind Charlotte about the importance of my anonymity. Everyone followed my lead and started eating again; a silent collective breath sighed as everyone figured the same as me.

It took me a minute for me to notice Charlie hadn't picked his fork up. Our eyes met across the table – his narrowed, dark ones bore into mine. I didn't know how he knew about E.A. Masen and honestly, it grossed me out that he knew about what I wrote, but he knew. Oh, he frickin' knew.

"Care to explain yourself, Cullen?"

Have I told you how amazing Bella's lasagna is? Layer upon layer of soft, buttery pasta with the delicious combination of juicy, seasoned homegrown,tomatoes mixed with ground beef, Italian sausage and a little chorizo. Perfectly seasoned with softened onions and just the right amount of ricotta – not cottage - cheese. The simmered-for-hours red sauce compliments the silkiness and depth of the white sauce to make it divine. She finishes it all off with gooey, melty mozzarella cheese topped with a crunchy Parmesan cheese crust. It's probably the best thing on this planet.

But when Charlie asked me to explain myself, the bite of goodness in my mouth tasted like cardboard that I had to choke down. I began squirming in my seat like a scared little kid. Shit, I was a scared little kid.

"Uh…"

"Children, maybe you should go upstairs to your rooms for a few minutes."

Bella's suggestion was immediately balked at by Jake, the little punk ass.

"Are you kidding? This is about ready to get interesting. Grandpa's going to rip Dad a new one!" He rubbed his hands together in glee and I glared across the table at my son and made a mental note to cut him out of my will. Again.

"Edward, a word please. Alone." Charlie stood up and tossed his napkin on the table. I wished his concealed weapon would find its place there too but that was wishful the time I found the courage to stand up, Charlie was already out of sight.

"I'm sorry, Daddy. I thought he knew," Charlotte apologized quietly; I nodded at her because what else could I do? Shit happened. Why the fuck did it always have to happen to me, though?

"Good luck." Jacob's parting words certainly didn't make me feel better but Leah's did.

"Dad, you're a brilliant writer, don't let Grandpa make you think otherwise."

I smiled my thanks at her. Bella squeezed my hand wishing me good luck as I went to face my father-in-law in the living room.

"Close the door." Charlie commanded when I walked in; I did as I was told then sat down across from him.

"Charlie, I can explain." I didn't know how but I was certainly going to try and talk out of my ass.

"You're him? E.A. Masen – the guy who writes the crap that Sue reads all the time?" His eyes looked at me icily and I cringed.

"Uh…"

I debated with myself if I should correct him and explain that it wasn't crap but decided against it. I certainly knew when I'd met my match. Well, that and I knew Charlie still had his firearm on him.

My shoulders slumped with defeat as I nodded my head.

"Yes, I am."

"Bella and the kids all know?"

"Yes, sir."

"And they are okay with what you do? I mean, that you write—" Even though we were alone, Charlie paused and looked around suspiciously before he continued and uttered the blasphemous three-letter word. "Sex?"

"Yes." I didn't feel it was necessary to tell him that Jacob thought I was disgusting or that Leah thought I was a pervert and Bella my whore. Some things are better left unsaid, you know?

Charlie nodded. "Then I don't want to know any of the details. I just don't."

I was so thankful I didn't have to go into anything specific with him. I'd hate to explain to him about some of the raunchy, explicit things I'd done with his daughter. Charlie stood up and I thought I'd gotten off unscathed. He turned to me then and graced me with a look that turned me into a pre-pubescent kid, left me shaking in my boots and needing clean underwear.

"My threat still stands, Edward. If you ever hurt or betray my daughter, or my grandchildren for that matter, I will kill you and your body will never be found. Capiche?"

I gulped and made a noise that meant I understand.

"Good. Now let's go eat, I'm starving."

We walked back into the dining room like nothing had happened, although I certainly felt like my tail was between my legs. Dinner didn't have the same appeal to me after that. And although Charlie carried on like nothing had changed, his glaring glances said otherwise. Fuck! It took me years to get in his good graces and just like that, I had my work cut out for me again. Damn it.

I collapsed in bed that night, exhausted from the sheer weight of what had gone on not only at dinner but the last few weeks.

"You okay?" Bella asked as she walked out of the en suite in her bathrobe.

"Oh yeah, sure. Let's see, Paul admitted he loves my daughter and wants to have sex with her. Leah thinks I'm a pervert, Charlotte thought I was gay, and my father-in-law is thoroughly disgusted that I write about s-e-x. Honestly, I don't know how I'll ever be able to get my head in the game to write again."

Bella frowned at me. Then her lips covered my pouting ones in a passionate kiss that went on and on. Not complaining, by the way. I pulled her so her lithe body covered mine. My hands found their way to her backside and I thrust myself against her, letting her know the effect her kisses had on me. She laughed when she broke the kiss.

"You're very resilient."

"You do have that effect on certain parts of me."

My hands trailed under the hem of her robe and felt her panties. Lace, perhaps? I quirked her an eyebrow.

"I thought perhaps you could use some new inspiration." Bella smirked as she rolled off me and stood up. I hated the lack of contact, until she slowly untied her bathrobe and revealed herself.

She was wearing a white corset with boning (and I only know that because of all the research I have to do for describing it in my books) that pushed her boobs up and together …oh dear Lord! All sultry-like, Bella nibbled innocently on her finger as she slowly twirled around revealing the white cheeky panties that didn't quite cover her ass. When she turned back around and trailed her own hands over her breasts, I audibly groaned.

Bella sauntered back over to me, killing me with her 'come fuck me' eyes. She positioned herself so that her boobs were at mouth level and I salivated as I licked the mounds before me.

"I've never done anything like this before. I'm a virgin."

I sighed contently into her breasts as my hands joined my tongue. Bella knew that I loved me some role-playing.

"Don't you worry, my darlin' – I will be vera gentle with ya then." I put on my best southern accent for her benefit. Bella either liked it soft and sweet from a gentleman or fast and rough from a tough Brit with a strong English accent. Thank God I'd mastered both voices. My teeth grazed the nipple that I'd pulled free from the corset.

"Oh, that feels … so good." Bella purred her words as I switched places with her, lying her down on the bed so I could ravage her body.

"You think that feels good? Just ya wait, my lassie."

Bella giggled at 'lassie' but was quick to apologize. I made a mental note to drop that word from my repertoire. Don't worry - I more than made up for making her laugh with my tongue as I licked, tasted, and nibbled over every inch of her beautiful body. And an hour and forty-five minutes later – no exaggeration – we were both fully satisfied. Well, for the moment. As an added bonus, I had some great material for my next novel.

* * *

**There have been so many people putting this story on alert and/or favoring - thank you so much! If you're reading, don't be shy - please say hello in a review, I'd love to know who's along for the ride. Even a smiley face means a lot to me. And this sickly pregnant chick could use all the smiles I can get. How about if this chapter gets me up to 1600 reviews I name the baby either Edward or Bella? I may or may not be kidding...**

**Until next time... :)**


	32. Chapter 32

**It was so wonderful to hear from new and old (not _old_, but you know what I mean) readers last chapter! The review count blew me away. Thank you all so much! Truly. Of course, my appreciation goes out to both Lolo84 and Capricorn75 for their pre-reading and beta skills - I love you both dearly. **

**Chapter 32**

* * *

It was the first week of September and I was enjoying a quiet house while everyone was back in school. Now, don't get me wrong, I love having my wife and kids around but not having them around is fucking great, too. A morning shower is optional because no one can tell me I smell funky. I can walk around in my underwear and not get weird looks from the kids. I can belch, fart, and scratch without a dirty look from the girls (Jake understood and would jut his chin at me in understanding or try to burp or fart louder then me simply because he could). The best part may be that I can have Pop Tarts for breakfast without Bella lecturing me. Ah, yes, I love when everyone is back at school.

What I didn't love was that the coming weekend, Leah was officially moving in with Adam. I'll get back to that later.

This particular day, I was sitting at the kitchen table, with my guilt-free strawberry Pop Tart and my hazelnut cream coffee. Taking a break from my new novel –temporarily titled 'Jurassic Poke' in case you were wondering - I double clicked onto Facebook to see what was new. To my surprise there was a notification of a new friend. Let's face it - I don't get those often. The odd part was the friend request was someone named 'Kate Principal'. I only knew of one 'Kate' and she was from a lifetime ago.

I clicked on the picture and the girl I'd been in 'love' with so many years ago, was staring back at me. Sure, she'd aged, I mean obviously since it had been almost thirty years since I'd seen her, but I could see fifteen-year old Kate in this woman. Familiar, bright blue eyes pierced the screen as she smiled at the camera. Her brown hair was now streaked with blonde and cut short into a layered bob. I smiled at the flood of memories of my time with her. Don't get me wrong, I love my Bella and my life is complete only because she makes it that way. But Kate was at another point in my life and my memories of her are fond ones.

Scratching my head, I wondered what the correct protocol for something like this was. Did I add her as a friend or consult with Bella first? I snorted at that because Bella had over two hundred friends and I certainly hadn't approved any of them prior to her adding them. I didn't anticipate any issue so I added her.

My next dilemma – did I post a friendly 'hi' on her wall or not? I felt rude for not at least saying 'hello' so I went ahead and posted on her wall.

_**Kate- Hi! Wow long time no speak. Crazy to see you on here! What's new?**_

I laughed at myself for asking what was new because I'd bet a lot of stuff was new considering that last time we'd talked, we'd been fifteen and sitting on my parents front porch, promising to keep in touch.

Almost as soon as I posted, she responded and we chatted back and forth for close to forty-five minutes.

_**Kate: Is this really the handsome Edward Cullen from Chicago from, what? 1984?**_

_**Edward: Depends if this is the beautiful Kate I was supposed to run away from Forks to go back and marry one day?**_

_**Kate: It IS you! Oh my God!**_

_**Edward: And it IS you! Tell me what's happened in the last, I don't know, thirty years.**_

I soon discovered she had married Tyler of all people. They had two sons – Nathan and Chase - and she and Ty had divorced a few months ago. Still living in Chicago, Kate was a writer for the Chicago Tribune where she had her own weekly column in the Lifestyles section. I couldn't tell her who I really was so I gave her the same story as everyone else, that I was a book editor for a reputable company.

_**Kate: I always thought you should have been a writer. Remember those poems you used to write me back in the day?**_

Shit! I'd forgotten I had written her poems. Trust me, my fifteen-year old innocent self had nothing on the poems and letters I'd written to Bella that had inspired my first book.

_**Edward: Oh God, you remember that?**_

_**Kate: Remember? I still have them. I ran an article about old flames and printed some of your letters. Let me find the link.**_

Sitting alone in my kitchen, I groaned at the thought. The poems and letters were crap. Fifteen year olds should never write about endless love and whatever else I rambled on about. When Kate posted the link, I told her I would check it out later but I had to get back to work before a deadline and thanked her for the chat. She said it was nice catching up and we'd have to do it again soon.

I left Facebook open and went back to 'Jurassic Poke'. Rosalie was expecting my outline and first few chapters at our dinner meeting later that evening. I spent the next hour and a half reading through what I had written and that's where Bella found me when she arrived home from work. Wrapping her arms around my neck, she nuzzled her cheek next to mine. Never one to show her work that I wasn't satisfied with, I quickly shut the lid of my laptop.

"Secret stuff going on there?" Bella teased, her lips at my ear lobe, her hands trailing across my chest.

"Perhaps I just prefer the distraction you're offering instead." I turned my head to kiss her lips full on, my tongue happily meeting hers.

"And I'd prefer not to have to watch you two get frisky."

Hearing Charlotte's voice, Bella quickly pulled away and asked how her day was. She shrugged and insisted school was fine.

Looking at the clock, I told Bella I was going to jump in the shower real quick. When she asked if she could use my laptop to check her email, I playfully told her no snooping before I ran upstairs.

The next time I saw Bella was a half hour later when I got out of the shower and was dressing for dinner. True, the meeting was only with our best friends, but I still got dressed up for it – to me, work was work. As I was knotting my tie, I turned around to face Bella who'd just walked into the bedroom.

"What's up?"

"Were you going to tell me?"

"Uh…?" I had no idea what she was talking about. Had she read 'Jurassic Poke'? The main character bore some characteristics very similar to my wife this time around and I thought perhaps she didn't approve.

"You read it?"

With Bella, when one eyebrow went up, it was a question. Double raised eyebrows were equivalent to 'I'm-so-pissed-I-can't-talk-to-you-right-now'. I immediately noted the two eyebrows. I walked over to her and rubbed up and down her crossed arms.

"Baby, I had no idea it would bother you so much. I'll tell Rosalie I'm not ready to give her the outline tonight and I'll do a complete re-write."

If it were possible, the eyebrows lifted higher.

"You think I read your stupid novel?"

Stupid? I thought to myself, but I knew better than to comment on that.

"What's this about then?"

"Wait a sec. Back up there, pal. What's going on in the novel that I should be worried about?"

"Nothing. The main character has a lot of your mannerisms. Not just your 'O' face but your every day face. Your little role-play a while back inspired me."

"And you think I read your novel?"

"I thought maybe, yeah."

"You know me really well, Edward. Thanks." Bella turned away from me and stalked into the bathroom, closing (read: slamming) the door behind her. I was left standing there utterly confused about what she was actually mad about. Did I dare to ask? Or was that just opening up a can of worms? I decided to wait downstairs – avoidance at its finest.

Half an hour later, Bella arrived downstairs, kissed the kids goodbye and told them she'd already ordered them pizza for dinner. Turning to me, she asked if I was ready to go with a smile on her face. Apparently, things between us were fine. Go figure.

"You're feeling better?" I foolishly asked as I pulled out of the driveway. I truly am an idiot and although I write erotica for women, I apparently know nothing about the species.

"Are you kidding me? I was only nice to you so the kids don't know we're fighting."

Technically, she was fighting; I was still clueless. No, I didn't say that. I have learned something in twenty years of marriage.

"Were you going to tell me about Kate?"

Ding. Ding. Ding. The bell went off in my head. Bella read my face and continued.

"Yes, I happened to see your convo with your ex-girlfriend." She spat out the last word.

"Sweetheart, she was my girlfriend almost thirty years ago." I scoffed at the absurdity of her being jealous over Kate.

"Yes, except you remembered that you were supposed to run away from Forks to marry her one day." Bella's tone mocked my words.

"It was a joke. Baby, come on." I reached for her hand but she pulled away.

"Yeah, I didn't find it funny. Nice of you to mention that you were married."

"I did, didn't I?" I thought I had.

"Nope, not even once."

"I guess it never came up."

"Funny, because there were nineteen messages back and forth and not once did you mention that you were happily married."

"Are you sure there were nineteen—" I could feel the daggers in the confines of the car. "Never mind. It wasn't intentional. We just got to talking; you know how it is." I shrugged as I drove.

"Actually, I don't because I don't have an ex-boyfriend on my friend list."

"I would be okay if you…" I knew better than to continue. I went with the apologetic route instead. "I'm sorry if that upset you. Kate added me as a friend and I thought it would be rude to not at least say hello."

"There's saying 'hello' and then there's flirting, Edward. Surely, you aren't that clueless?"

Trust me, I was.

"She's recently divorced, writing columns of the long lost love that got away—"

"What?"

"Her column with your love poems was all about how she wondered if things like Facebook had been around thirty years ago, how different her life would have been. Maybe if she'd stayed in contact with an old lover her life would be on a different path."

"She called me 'lover'?"

Bella's face was deadpan."You didn't click the link to the article?"

"Actually, I didn't. I had to finish up my work. She said that? Wow. For the record, I haven't thought of her since you and I met at the dance when you became my forever."

That's right, Edward, use words that make her melt.

"Ahhh yes, but you did remember that she was 'beautiful Kate.'" Bella reminded me as I pulled up in front of Emmett and Rosalie's house. I tried to place my palm against her cheek to reassure her she was my beautiful Bella, but she pulled away.

"Just don't, okay? Let's forget it and go have dinner."

I sighed heavily as I turned off the ignition. At the front door, Bella was all smiles and hugs for Emmett and in the kitchen for Rose as well. Our dinner conversation was cordial; Bella would often put her hand on my thigh or smile in my direction.

After dinner, Rosalie and I snuck off to her office to review my work while Emmett and Bella played rummy. They had a long-standing rivalry and played every time Rose and I had a meeting. After she and I wrapped things up, Rose and I would sit in the living room and watch Bella kick some ass. The night would end the same every time – with Emmett throwing his cards down, insisting that Bella cheated and he wanted a rematch. With hugs goodbye, we were on our way home by ten.

I wrongfully thought that the evening out with friends had tamed the anger in Bella. She had said to forget about it, so I thought she had. I was wrong. The laughing and joking was left at the house and as soon as we got back into our car, Bella was back to ignoring me again. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she stared out the passenger window.

"Bella."

Nothing.

"Isabella."

Nada.

"Sweetheart." I drew my hand down the side of her face trying to get some kind of a response.

"Bella, don't be mad at me." I reached over to grab her hand.

"Don't. Touch. Me."

"You can't still be upset?"

"Wanna bet?"

No, actually I didn't.

We drove the rest of the way home in silence. Bella said goodnight to the kids and went up to our room. Assuming she wanted nothing more to do with me, I watched a movie with the children for a bit and gave her some space. When I finally made my way up to bed just after eleven thirty, an angry Bella greeted me.

"Thanks for taking forever to come upstairs."

"What?"

"I thought you were coming up right behind me so we could talk."

"Oh, shit, sorry. I assumed you wanted some space."

"You ass-umed wrong." She mumbled something after that which I couldn't make out.

"Pardon me?"

"You heard me."

"Actually, I didn't. That's why I said 'pardon me.'"

If looks could kill…

"So, uh, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"I don't want to talk."

I furrowed my brow. "I thought you said you were waiting for me to come upstairs so we could talk."

"I was."

"So, talk."

"That was then; this is now, and now I don't feel like talking."

Are you kidding me?

"Whatever." I walked past her into the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I got out, Bella was under the covers, lying on her side, facing away from me.

"I thought we agreed to never go to bed angry?"

"First time for everything."

"Okay then."

"Fine."

"Fine." I only repeated because I knew Bella always needed to have the last word.

"Fine."

See, I told you. To piss her off I added "Goodnight."

"Uh huh." It wasn't exactly a word but it still counted as her having the last one.

"See you in the morning."

"Goodnight, Edward."

"Night." I chuckled to myself because really, I could go on forever and so could she. Bella surprised me though because she didn't say anything. I almost said 'I won!' but resisted. I knew that wouldn't go over well.

A few minutes later, Bella started sniffling loudly. She just had to get her last word in, didn't she? Sniffling I could deal with, but when it turned into crying and then sobbing, I gave in. Sitting up, I turned on my lamp and rubbed the back that was facing me.

"Why are you crying?"

"I'm." Sniff. "Not." Sniff, sniff. "Crying."

"Come on, what's going on? Why are you so upset?"

"As if you don't know."

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "I don't know. Please tell me, baby."

Progress! Bella rolled over to face me. One step backwards - she was glaring at me.

"You really don't know why I'm upset?"

Now I had a dilemma on my hands. Should I take a guess or be honest and tell her I didn't have a fucking clue what was going on inside her pretty little head?

"You're mad because I never told Kate I was married?"

Daggers bore holes in my fat head. Wrong. Fucking. Answer. Fuck my life.

"You just don't get it do you?" Bella gave an exaggerated groan and rolled away from me.

I found myself apologizing once again for something, but I had no idea what.

"I'm sorry. I'm a jerk, an idiot, an inconsiderate asshole. Please tell me why you're so upset with me."

"For the record, I wasn't that upset with you until you decided not to come upstairs to talk to me. And when you didn't come upstairs, it made me realize that you didn't care enough about me to fix this."

"Duly noted."

Bella rolled over and sat up beside me. "You want to know why I'm mad?

I wanted to shout 'YES!' but instead I nodded my head.

"She's so pretty." The last word came out as a sob.

"Bella, are you serious?"

Misty, brown eyes looked up at me with contempt.

"I mean. You're serious. Baby, you are the prettiest woman in the entire world. I am the luckiest son of a bitch to have you, not only in my life, but in my bed, night after night."

Bella completely ignored my words of praise and continued.

"I looked at her Facebook photos. Miss Perky Boobs. Who posts pictures of themselves in a bikini at our age? I wish I looked that good. My breasts were never the same after hoover-Jacob. I actually think my boobs are smaller than they were a year ago. Is that even possible?"

I looked down at her breasts, brows furrowed. The tank top of her pajamas was loose and I could see the curves of her breasts. The left was slightly bigger than the right but no more so than it usually was. They both looked to be their usual perky selves. I reached out my arm to see if they fit in my hand as I was used to.

"Edward!" Bella slapped my hand away. "It was a hypothetical question."

I scratched my head. "Forgive me for sounding like an idiot but that's what this is about – your breasts?"

Bella let out a heavy sigh, one that told me I was the world's biggest effing idiot. Trust me, I was starting to think I was.

"I'm getting older, Edward. Haven't you listened to anything I've said?"

Swear to God, I listened to every single word she'd said and hadn't gotten that out of the conversation at all. I don't think I'm a total moron. My theory is that Bella was talking around in freaking circles and right then, I was so dizzy I didn't know which was up. Obviously, I didn't say any of that to Bella.

Instead, I pulled her close, put her head on my chest and reassured her that she was still perfect for me, still my blushing bride; still my one and only no matter how old or fat or lop-sided her breasts got.

Yeah, maybe I am a total moron.

"God, I love you but I can't believe you just said you'd love me no matter how old, or fat, or lop-sided my breasts get! Ggrrrrr!" Bella actually growled as she smacked my chest. Hard.

Having her repeat my words, okay, I admit, made me sound like a complete tool. How was I going to fix this? Not like this:

"Baby, are you PMS-ing?"

I can hear you from there yelling 'Oh no you didn't!' and sadly, yes, I did. I'm blaming the fatigue and the dizziness from the entire conversation.

"I mean that in the nicest way possible. Normally, you're not so insecure or so emotional."

"Gee, thanks. So, I'm PMS-ing, insecure, and irrational."

Please note that I wasn't the one who said 'irrational' but if the shoe fits…

"Bella, I'm sorry. I took my stupid pill this morning. You know how you always say I'm better on paper? This is one of those times." I turned her so she was sitting in front of me and kissed her lips tentatively.

"Forgive me. You are my love, my life, my Bella. I'll delete Kate as a friend if it makes you happy. I love you."

"You do?"

"Of course I do."

I trailed kisses across her cheek and tentatively across the top of her chest. Seeing that I was met with no resistance, I set about proving my love to her without words. Not only was I better on paper, I was fucking fantastic in bed.

"You'd better make it up to me, Cullen. You said some dumbass shit tonight."

I laughed against Bella's neck. "But no pressure, huh?"

No need to worry, I made it up to her time and time and time again. Oh yeah, baby.

As a short PS: I would like it documented that come morning, her period had arrived so I wasn't too far off base with my PMS theory. I said nothing to Bella but I did smirk slightly when she apologized the next morning and told me her monthly visitor had come. No shit, Sherlock.

I later learned that Bella changed my Facebook relationship status to 'married' – funny how I never had it set to that before – and posted a sappy 'how much do I love you' declaration of love from my account to hers. I guess it was my own fault for not logging out. And I haven't heard from Kate since.

By Saturday morning, one would think I was the one with PMS. I was moping around the house in grubby sweats and a tee shirt lacking any sort of motivation. Bella, Leah and Adam were busy loading boxes up into Leah's car, ready to take them to her new home. Ugh, it killed me to say that - 'her new home'.

By mid afternoon, Leah found me in the kitchen, staring off into space.

"Looks like I'm ready to go." Her voice was quiet as she approached me. I pulled her to me and hugged her tight. Too tight.

"Uh, Dad? I'm not dying," Leah protested.

"Sorry, baby girl." I let go of her and frowned. "I'm going to miss you."

"You know I'm only ten minutes down the road. You can visit any time."

I shrugged. "It'll be weird to not tuck you in at night."

Leah scoffed at that. "I'm almost twenty-one, Dad."

"So? Every night I come in to tuck you in. Every night."

"I didn't know that."

"I've done it ever since we brought you home from the hospital. It's going to feel weird to not do that tonight."

"How about if every night you call me to say goodnight? It's not the same but…" Leah suggested and I smiled.

"I might take you up on that. Hey, I bought you a going away gift." I grabbed one of the boxes off the kitchen table and handed it to her.

Leah quirked me an eyebrow and I indicated that she could open it. Her face lit up in a grin as she unwrapped the gift.

"What the—?"

"Well, condoms are expensive and you're just starting out. I want you to finish school and get MARRIED before you have kids. Thought if you had a choice between groceries and condoms, you'd choose groceries."

Leah crushed herself against my chest in a hug. "You are the strangest father ever but thanks for these. We'll put them to good use."

I blushed. "I'm sure you will. Just don't go telling Jacob, okay? I'd go broke trying to pay for his stock."

Leah playfully hit my chest with her hand. "You have such a double standard, you know that?"

"You're right, I guess I do. I'm sorry. I—" Leah interrupted before I could explain, not that I knew what I'd say to that.

"Don't worry about it. I love you anyways. I'm going to miss you, too."

"I love you, baby girl, more than you'll ever know."

Adam walked into the kitchen and cleared his throat. "Sorry to interrupt."

"It's okay. We were just being all mushy, is all." I tried hard to blink away the tears that had formed in my eyes.

"I was wondering if I could have a moment with you. Alone, if that's okay with you Leah?" Adam asked.

"Of course. I'm going to run upstairs and make sure I haven't forgotten anything." She stood up on her tippy toes and placed a kiss against my cheek. I couldn't stop my hand from reaching up to touch the spot as she bounded out of the room.

I picked up my coffee cup and made myself another mug, asking Adam if he wanted any but he declined. With my full cup, I sat down at the table while Adam grabbed the seat opposite.

"I actually wanted to talk to you as well. I bought you a couple house warming presents." I pushed the poorly wrapped packages across the table.

"Oh! Uh, thanks. Let's see, what's this?" He ripped off the paper from the first box. "Ginger Tea and a bottle of honey. Okay."

"Sometimes at night, if Leah's stressed, she has trouble going to sleep. Make her a mug of this with a teaspoon of honey. It relaxes her and calms her nerves. She'll be asleep in half an hour." I explained. Adam smiled gratefully at me.

"Thank you. I never knew that about her. What's in this one?" He pulled the stuffed bear out by its ears.

I jutted my chin at the stuffy. "She doesn't think anyone knows, but she sleeps with him every night. I noticed when she packed up her room that she tucked him into a box to give away. She probably doesn't want you to know about him but I thought she'd want to have him around anyways."

As I was speaking, Adam cradled the bear a little more lovingly and brushed the fur out of his eyes. He carefully set him down and picked up the last box and shook it lightly. I smiled at him, knowing what was in there.

Adam pulled out the huge bag of M&M's and gave me a puzzled look. I smirked. The price tag was close to a hundred bucks but for another man, invaluable.

"Let's just say Bella and Leah are one and the same when it comes to PMS. Trust me, once a month, M&M's are your best friend. And for God's sake, don't ever ask if she's PMS-ing."

Adam snorted. "I'm not stupid."

I glared at him.

"Sorry. Thank you – for all of this."

"Well, you have to look out for her now, Adam. There are things you'll learn on your own but I thought if I could at least give you a fighting chance, it might make things easier."

"I truly appreciate your kindness, Uncle Edward."

"Don't mention it. You wanted to talk to me as well?"

Adam nodded and I saw him gulp before he spoke.

"Sorry, I had this all planned out in my head and you've kind of thrown me for a loop. I, uh, well, firstly, I wanted you to know that I love Leah. With my whole heart. She is—"

Adam paused briefly while he searched for the words. Because of my love for Bella I knew what he was trying to say but I let him struggle for the words.

"I don't want to sound cheesy, but she truly is my everything. I love her more than words. And I want…shit….I want to marry her one day and I'm asking for your permission. Please don't kill me." His words came out in a fast, jumbled mess. I wanted to ask him to repeat himself, simply for the sake of being mean but I refrained. Unfortunately, I couldn't help but to chuckle.

"I didn't kill you when I found you with your hand on her boobs, I certainly won't kill you now."

Adam laughed, albeit nervously, and relaxed a little. "I'm sorry, that didn't come out exactly as planned. I didn't think you would intimidate me so much but you do."

"I'm sorry I intimidate you. I never wanted to be the father-in-law that makes you crap your pants. Trust me, I know what that's like. Did you want to try that again?"

That was only sort of mean, right?

Adam smiled though, so I think he appreciated the second chance.

"Sir, I love your daughter. And I would love to have your permission to marry her one day."

"Adam, thank you for loving Leah that way - with your whole heart. It's what she deserves. I always wanted the best for my kids and I truly believe, with you, Leah is getting that."

"Does that mean you give your blessing?"

"I do."

Pretty sure I saw him fist pump himself under the table.

Adam stood up and extended his hand to me; I took it and shook it firmly as we smiled at each other.

"I'm not planning on proposing any time soon, I don't even have a ring or anything. I thought before we moved in together, you should know that my intentions are nothing but honorable."

"Thank you."

Adam and I met up with a tearful Bella and Leah in the living room and we all exchanged hugs. As my wife and I stood on the front porch, we watched them drive away to their new home. We didn't move until the car was completely out of view.

"You okay?" I asked Bella as she wiped away her tears and we made our way back inside.

"Are you?"

I shook my head. "Not really."

But I would be okay. It was going to be an adjustment but I'd learn to deal with it.

That first night and nearly every night for a week - okay, two - afterwards, I went into Leah's empty room and sat down on her bed and called her to say goodnight. After our chat, I could go to bed happy. Still missed the shit out of her though.

* * *

**Don't let my hubs know this, but writing irrational Bella was awkward because I was writing myself. I blame preggo hormones for my recent behavior. I can apologize here because he won't see it: Sorry, sweetie, about being a tad irrational sometimes. There, see I apologized, I'm the bigger person.**

**How about Edward and Adam's little sit down? Do you feel all mushy inside? Well, next up will cure that. Next chapter is full of funny.**

**Leave this little fic some love, won't you? xo**


	33. Chapter 33

**FYI: I'm not a doctor. I take some liberties here for the sheer sake of torturing Edward. I'm that mean! Thank you Lolo84 and Capricorn75 for all your help on this one. I hope you enjoy getting up close and personal with Edward Cullen's balls. Yes, balls. Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 33**

Bella and I were getting a little frisky on a Saturday morning. Her mouth, her hands, and her warm breath on my cock had transported me to heaven. As her tongue teased me, her hair fell forward, tickling my thighs. Her hands were firm, yet gentle as she cupped my boys, rolling them ever so gently. It all felt amazing - until it didn't.

"Ow!"

Okay, not the sexiest thing one should yell out during foreplay. Bella stopped what she was doing and looked up at me, concerned. I tried to shrug it off but she wasn't hearing it. With her hands, she cradled my testicles as she gently probed around. I winced as she found one particularly tender spot on the left.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing, just a little sore. Yeah right there. Don't press so hard!"

"I'm barely touching it, Edward." Bella moved her attention to the right and felt around but that one was fine. Her hands went back to the left and when she pressed on the same spot again, I couldn't help but to curse.

"Shit, that friggin' hurts."

"You touch it." Bella tried to bring my hand to my balls but I pulled away.

"I don't need to feel myself up, Bella."

"Don't be ridiculous, Edward. Like you haven't before."

Obviously I couldn't disagree but it felt weird to be feeling myself up when she was right down there.

"Jake and I were wrestling the other day; he hit my junk with his big, fat head."

"Why was his head near your groin?" Bella quirked an eyebrow. I couldn't tell her it was because I sucked at wrestling and he took me out in under six seconds.

"It just was, okay? I guess I'm still a little tender."

Talking during the deed had completely deflated me and I was embarrassed and quick to apologize.

"Sorry, I guess I'm not up for a round right now. I'm, uh, going to grab a quick shower." I pressed a kiss to Bella's forehead and left the room before I could see her eyes. I didn't want to see the worry there that was already creeping into my own head.

Under the warm spray of the shower, I soaped up and meticulously washed my hair, my chest, shoulders, arms, legs and feet. I avoided my groin – scared for what I would find. Eventually, my hands headed south. I avoided the left testicle and focused on the right. Completely pain free. The left was another story. I felt a small bump and immediately winced at the discomfort – and I was barely pressing.

The rational side of my brain took over. It was a pimple. A zit on my nut-sack. Very sexy but something that would go away in a day or two. Perhaps, Jacob had hit me harder than I thought and I had a bruise. Maybe I could honestly say I had blue balls. That was of little consolation. Speaking of which, it had been two full days since I'd gotten my rocks off. Certainly a back up of sperm would cause discomfort.

I convinced myself it was nothing serious and got out of the shower. When I stepped out, Bella was sitting on the counter, a concerned look on her face. I put on my sexiest smirk as I wrapped the towel loosely around my hips and sauntered over to her.

"Sorry about earlier. Let me make it up to you." I bent forward to kiss her exposed neck but was left kissing air when she pulled away.

"Edward."

Bella has the ability to say my name with a hundred other words hidden behind it. I sighed at her tone.

"Bella, it's nothing. I'm fine."

"Promise me if it's not better in a few days, you'll book in to see Dr. Uley."

"I'm not going to need—"

"Promise me."

Those big brown eyes stared at me with so much love and concern, I couldn't say no to her.

"Fine, I promise. I'm sure it's nothing though."

Two days, and no sex later, things hadn't changed – not that we hadn't tried. We attempted sex, twice, but it was a no go on my part. In all my years, I'd never been let down by my cock before. I was mortified; Bella was a saint. She rested my head on her chest, her fingers toying with my hair. Her actions reassured me that everything would be okay. I found myself agreeing to see the doctor while under her soothing spell. I should have known it was all part of her evil ploy.

Thursday morning I found myself sitting in Dr. Uley's waiting room. Bella had taken the day off work to be with me for moral support. Unfortunately, not even her warm hand on my thigh could stop my nervous knee bounce. Once in the cold and sterile treatment room, I could barely sit still while the nurse took my blood pressure and I paced like a caged animal after she left.

Dr. Sam Uley sauntered into the room with my chart in hand and a warm greeting for us both. He'd been our family doctor for years. When Bella and I had started going to him, I'd thought he was forty-ish and yet as the years aged me, they hadn't him. In any case, I always found him to be a very kind hearted individual. That was until he had you by the balls – literally.

"It's nice to see you both. What seems to be the trouble today?"

"Edward has pain in his left testicle."

"It's not really pain," I clarified. "More discomfort is all."

"When did this start?"

I answered his questions as best I could and then the inevitable came when I was asked to drop my drawers. Undressing for another man is surprisingly awkward, even more so when he snaps on rubber gloves and sits down on a stool to get up close and personal. I had no idea what to do with my hands so I crossed them over my chest and tried to look nonchalant. I took a deep breath and went to my happy place.

Happiness to me: Mariah Carey playing softly in the background, Bella doing naughty things with her mouth…wait a sec…happy place makes mini me happy. Think bad thoughts. I remembered walking in on my parents when I was eighteen - my father between my mother's legs. Good God, now I felt fucking ill. A yelp fell from my lips when Dr. Uley's cold hands touched me.

"Heh, heh. Sorry, common complaint that I have ice cube hands. Bella knows all about that."

Does anyone else think it was in bad taste to remind me that he's the only other man who has ever seen my wife's privates and knows the exact placement of her tattoo? I mean really!

Then I became self-conscious because you know what cold does to a man's unit. Certainly not the best front I wanted to put forward and I laughed nervously.

"I know it's uncomfortable but try to stand still for a minute, Edward."

I tried not to look down and watch what he was doing. Bella handling my boys is totally cool, of course. A man fondling them, be it Dr. Uley, Jasper, or Emmett – wrong, wrong, and so fucking wrong.

Instead I looked over at Bella, whose face was etched with concern. I didn't like what I was seeing on her face so I looked at the ceiling instead. Counting the bumps on the tiles, as the doctor felt me up, was futile. The exam went on and on as he cupped, rolled and poked each testicle. Again, the right was fine but the left, bordered more on painful than discomfort and I contradicted my own words when I told the doctor that. He 'hhhm'ed quietly as he continued his exam. I was asked to cough, pretend to sneeze, and laugh. Right, because I certainly felt like laughing as he held my boys in his hand.

"Any problems or discomfort with your penis? Painful urination? Trouble getting or maintaining an erection?"

You know, guys don't want to admit to anyone that they are having trouble with their cock – doctor or not. It's our best friend and it should never, ever, let us down. It's a carnal sin.

"I, uh, have no trouble with urinating." I left it at that, hoping he could read between the lines.

Dr. Uley looked up at me. "But there is trouble with getting an erection?"

I gave him a look that basically told him he violated a code between men.

"Edward, listen. There's no reason to be embarrassed. I'm a doctor; I've heard it all before. Bella's your wife but if you'd feel more comfortable with her out of the room—"

"No!" I couldn't do this without Bella. "Okay, yeah, I had some trouble with getting a boner. I mean up, aroused, whatever the proper technical term is. But I've had a lot on my mind, with work deadlines, Leah moving out and stuff. I'm sure it's nothing."

"Has this ever happened before?"

I cocked him an eyebrow. "Did you really just ask me that?"

"I take it there's never been an issue before. Turn around for a moment and bend over slightly."

I did as I was told without question. Hindsight – if a doctor asks you to turn around while you are pants-less, you question - you always fucking question.

Suddenly, I had searing pain like I'd never felt before. The type of pain that renders you voiceless, makes you see stars, suck your thumb and cry out for your mommy like you're three years old. Good lord, if that's what anal sex was like, I would never ask Bella again. Ever!

As quickly as it came on, the pain was gone but not forgotten, that's for damn sure.

"Okay, you can get dressed now."

I pulled up my pants. I tried to resist rubbing my behind but, yeah, I couldn't. Call me gross but my poor ass had just been violated, people, it needed a little sympathy. Sitting down cautiously beside Bella, she took my clammy hand into hers as I glared at Dr. Evil.

"Was that necessary?"

"It's all related down there, Edward, so yes, it was. Believe me, it's not my favorite part either – to give or receive."

Didn't make me feel any better. Fucker.

"So? Am I just getting old or what?"

Dr. Uley had his serious face on; I didn't like it.

"It could be nothing or it could be something."

Thanks, very reassuring. I couldn't believe he got to feel me up, stick his big, fat finger up my asshole, give some stupid remark, and charge my insurance an arm and a leg.

"I'm leaning toward it not being anything."

For fucks sake, why couldn't he have said that first?

"I'm pretty sure you have a hydrocele."

"That's great, Doc. Can you talk in English now, please?"

"Sorry. A hydroceleis a collection of clear fluid in a thin walled sac in the scrotum. Small hydroceles do not require treatment."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"But, because of the pain and discomfort you are having, and from my examination, I believe yours is on the large size."

"That's what she said. Sorry." I seriously had no filter sometimes. Thankfully, Dr. Uley laughed.

"Sorry to disappoint, Edward, but the boys are probably just swollen from the hydrocele."

Fuck, Doc, can't you just let me have big kahunas?

"What's the treatment of this condition?" I was scared to ask.

I knew by the look on his face it wouldn't be pleasurable. Anytime you're talking about a medical procedure relating to your balls, it wasn't going to be fun.

"Well, the hydrocele has to be removed or at the very least, the fluid has to be drained."

I didn't want to hear any more but damn it, he continued talking.

"There will be an incision made in your scrotum and the hydrocele removed."

Sure, he made it sound so easy. Let me tell you what I heard:

"The doctor uses a big ass kitchen knife to cut your ballsack open and yanks out this fluid and puss filled sac. It's probably going to be the worst pain you've ever felt. Worse than a finger up your butt."

Pleasant.

Dr. Uley read my face. "Relax, Edward. It's generally an outpatient procedure and can be performed under general or spinal anaesthesia. In some cases, a needle—"

I stopped listening after the word 'needle'. Needles and I are not friends. At all. You know when you have to give blood they prick your finger first to blood type or whatever they do? I fainted. And it was Bella giving blood not me.

Thankfully, Bella had continued listening and I shook my head and started paying attention again.

"From what I can tell, Edward's is on the large side, so I think the removal is the better option. I'll make the arrangements with the specialist and have my receptionist call you with the date for the procedure. I'm going to send you for blood work now so that part will be done and an ultrasound in a few days. Edward, do you have any questions?"

"Like, a hundred. Tell me honestly, how much will it hurt?"

"I'm not going to lie – it's not going to be pleasant. They will be opening up your scrotum and cutting something out. It's going to feel like someone kicked you in the scrotum pretty hard."

Awesome.

"What about, uh, sex afterwards? And in the meantime!"

"I don't know the protocol but I assume you'd have to wait ten to fourteen days before resuming sexual activities. Until then, if things are working okay, then go ahead, as long as there's no pain. Because you had trouble recently, I'm going to give you a sample of Viagra. Now, you don't have take them, but if you find you need some assistance, a little help never hurt anyone."

I snorted. Could you imagine if the kids found out I was on the little blue pill? Dear old dad needs more research for his book and can't get it up, so he's juicing up on V.

"I'm going to check your blood pressure again before you go," Dr. Uley announced as he wrapped a cuff around my upper arm. He then proceeded to make an ominous 'hhmmm' sound as he informed me my blood pressure was on the high side.

"Of course it is! You were just holding my balls in your hand and told me I'm going to have to have my nut sack sliced open in the near future. Not to mention you just stuck your finger. Up. My. Ass!"

Both Bella and Dr. Uley laughed and agreed that may have something to do with it. Bella and I left that day with an answer to my problem but I certainly wasn't feeling any better. After I almost passed out from giving blood at the lab, Bella drove us home.

"How are you feeling about things?"

"Yeah, peachy. For one, I'm old enough to need Viagra. That in itself is just, wow. Two, Dr. Uley spent a good twenty minutes feeling me up – an exam which I suspect could have been done in half the time but he seemed to be enjoying himself. And he de-virginized a very sensitive part of me. To top it all off, I get to look forward to another doctor not only feeling me up but cutting my nut-sack open and removing a fluid filled something-or-other. I need a fucking drink."

"Probably not a good idea to mix the Viagra with alcohol." Bella smiled at me then took the next right to the liquor store.

When we got home, there was already a message from the specialist's office. They had a cancellation on Saturday morning and could fit me in. I had to go in early for the ultrasound and then the surgery after those results were looked at. I thanked them although it felt a bit like signing my own death wish. When I told Bella the surgery date, of course she had kind words for me.

"I know you're worried, but it'll all be okay. Why don't you talk to Carlisle about it? He's a doctor."

I shrugged. "Maybe. I'm sure he won't sugar coat it. I'm not going to tell him about the finger up my arse or about not being able to, uh, you know."

"It really isn't a big deal but I promise that will always be between you and me."

Then Bella said one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard.

"You know, you could always talk to my dad about things."

"Excuse me?"

"Dad had a testicular tumor removed. He'll understand your fears and hesitations."

My snort was rather loud. "You want me to talk feelings with Charlie, of all people?"

"Why not?"

"Bella, I am not, repeat NOT, talking to Charlie about my balls, or his, for that matter."

"Well, it could be considered bonding…you know, since he wasn't too keen on you being E.A. Masen."

"Bonding over our misfortunate testicular situations? It's a little weird, don't you think?"

Bella shrugged.

"Good God, imagine how that convo would go. 'Hey Chief. I couldn't get it up while I was fucking your daughter the other night and it turns out I have to have surgery on my balls just like you. Awesome, huh?'" I imagined Charlie being thrilled with me needing to have surgery and he'd probably wish for castration.

"Just an idea."

"Not one I'm going to follow through on, but thank you."

Not ever, ever.

That night, I got drunk. Very drunk. Then I got stupid – I called Leah to say goodnight while I was drunk. I can only thank God I didn't call Charlie - that would have been worse. Honestly, I don't remember but apparently I got her machine and left a message like a dumb ass. She replayed the message for Bella after I'd passed out for the night and the two had a long laugh at my expense.

_"Hi, baby doll. It's Daddy. I wanted you to know that I love you. I had to see the doctor today for some personal issues. Okay, if you have to know, I have pain in one of my testicles – those are balls, sweetie - and also I couldn't get it up. Mom took me to see Doctor Uley and he stuck his finger up my ass. Don't ever have anal sex, baby girl - that shit hurts like a mo-fo. I've already apologized to your mother for, never mind. Anyways, on Saturday they're going to open up my balls and remove some sac of something. Oh, and I'm a little drunk right now. Love you. Bye."_

Fuck my life.

Saturday arrived and I was nervous as hell.

The ultrasound was somewhat pleasant. Warm gel was applied to my boys as a wand was massaged over them with gentle pressure. If it had been my wife doing it, I could have envisioned some sexy times. Unfortunately, the tech was a man in his early thirties who looked less than pleased about waving a wand over another man's ball sack. The feeling was mutual. We said nothing to each other the entire time. It's not like we could talk baseBALL or footBALL or anything manly while he was down there so we both pretended it wasn't happening. Thankfully, I think, it was over rather quickly.

And then I met the specialist who looked to be about Leah's age. Her first name was 'Jenna' for fucks sake. How old could you be if your name is 'Jenna'? And she was pretty. I didn't know what was worse – having a man fondle my junk or a pretty, young female doctor do it.

At least the doctor was extremely professional and polite. Before the freezing took effect I was thankful for her warm hands. Bella wasn't allowed to come in during the surgery so she sat with a book in the waiting room while I underwent the torture. The actual procedure was painless – thank you to whomever invented anesthesia. It wasn't until afterwards that I was cursing her name. But by then I was home and a bit loopy on pain meds. Let me assure you that high-on-pain-meds-Edward is equally as obnoxious as drunk Edward.

Not able to make it up the three flights of stairs to our room, I made it as far as the living room couch and declared it my bedroom. My angel, Bella, brought me down some pillows and blankets and flitted over me. I was in heaven – pain in my crotch aside. As she fluffed a pillow and put it behind my head I looked, and I mean really looked, at my wife. The years had been good to her. Her hair was long and silky; her skin smooth and flawless. And her breasts, damn. How come I'd never noticed just how fucking perfect they were before now. As Bella sat beside me, I reached over and groped them.

"You're so pretty. I love your titties."

"You love my titties?" Bella laughed. "I guess your meds are working."

"No, I mean that. That's not the meds talking, that's me. Your boobs are perfect. Sure one's a little bigger but I like that. And your stomach - considering you've had three kids – it's pretty flat. I have to say, I was a little worried that you might end up with a muffin top or a bulging gut or something but nope, you bounced back."

"Uh, thank you, Edward."

I pulled her to me and attempted a sexy-like kiss against her neck. Instead I quite literally drooled down the front of her top. Bella snorted as she mopped up between her breasts and I apologized for my lack of skill.

"Do you know where Jacob is?"

"He's in his room. Want me to go get him?"

"Yeah, I wanna talk with my boy. I love my boy."

A few minutes or hours later, Jacob came into the living room and sat down on the couch beside me. I reached for his hand and he raised an eyebrow at the gesture.

"Hey, Buddy. How are you?"

"I'm good, Dad. Apparently not as good as you but, you know."

"Yeah, I'm feeling good."

You know Michael Buble's song 'Feeling Good'? He's a decent singer but honestly had nothing on my rendition.

Jacob laughed, rudely interrupting my singing. "Shit, what kind of meds do they have you on?"

"The good kind. A little of this; a little of that. Do you know I even have Viagra if I want it?"

"Oh God! I can't imagine you on Viagra."

"I know, right? I could bone your mother for eight hours straight."

"I see you have no filter while medicated, that's great." Jacob smirked as he shook his head.

"Did I say something wrong?"

"Never mind."

"Hey - how's school?"

"It's awesome. Right now we're doing basics like oil and tire changes but it's still interesting."

"Have I told you how proud I am of you? Getting a scholarship and all? Fucking awesome."

Jake smiled at me. "Thanks."

"You're a good kid. You know that? Horny as fuck but you come by that honestly."

"Uh, thanks."

I zoned out for a minute as I thought about how my son came into it honestly. God, Bella and I used to fuck like rabbits in college. We'd get drunk and fuck in front of Emmett – on the couch under a blanket but Em wasn't stupid. Mind you, I'm sure he was fucking someone at the same time. I chuckled to myself at the memory.

"Uh, Dad? I don't need to know about your orgies."

Shit – was all that out loud?

"Yeah, it was."

"Sorry, my meds, you know. So, you gonna marry Vanessie?"

"It's Nessie and I don't know."

"You should. She's purdy."

"I'll take that into consideration." He chuckled as he answered.

"She has purdy breasts, too. Perky and—"

Although he held his hand up, in my foggy head, I saw nothing wrong with what I was saying and continued.

"You know, your mom has spectacular tits. Have you noticed how spectacular her boobs are?"

"I can't say I've ever actually noticed Mom's breasts before."

"You don't need to look so disgusted. Shit, you sucked on them for the first few years of your life, I'm surprised you don't remember. But trust me, they are awesome. I love to motorboat them." Closing my eyes, I blew raspberries into the air.

"I have no idea what kind of meds you're on but you just took bonding to a whole new level. I think it's time for you to get some sleep. I'll see you later."

"Wait! Jakey, can you tell Charlotte to come see me?"

"Uh, I'm not so sure that's a good idea."

"Come on. Char and I are due for a little tit on tat."

"The fact that you said 'tit on tat' instead of tête-à-tête tells me that you shouldn't be having one."

"Listen to you, Mr. Frenchie. Ooh la la! Now go get your sister."

"Although you are a shining example of why you should never do drugs, I can't put my baby sister through what I just went through. I'm going to have nightmares."

"I guess you're right. I love you, son."

"I love you too, Dad."

"No, I really fucking love you, man."

"Love me enough to let me use your Beemer tonight since you're incapacitated?"

"I may be high but I'm not stupid."

Jake shrugged. "Thought I'd ask. I'll check up on you later."

He may or may not have looked in on me. I have no idea because I crashed and didn't wake up until the next morning. Bella brought me breakfast in the living room with a cocktail of meds that I was prescribed, along with some ice for my nether regions. Have to admit, besides the pain, I could get used to the pampering. What really sucked was the no sex. Not that I could have even if I wanted to but I was under orders to not have an orgasm. What the fuck? I was pretty certain that was just part of the cruel and unusual punishment found via Google search.

Lucky me, I had to have a follow up with Dr. Jenna the following Monday – ten days post surgery. Bella had to work that so I went by myself. I will admit, being alone, and half naked with another woman was kind of weird. Little did I know that the weirdest part was still to come. Wrong choice of word.

I was dressed and sitting down when the questions started. How was I feeling? On a pain scale of one to ten, what was I at? How much medication was I still taking? Was I ready to give a sample?

"Oh, yeah, sure, a urine sample isn't a problem. Where's the loo?"

"Actually, I need a semen sample."

Say what? I know for a fact I choked. The doctor had a poker face; she wasn't kidding.

"W-what?"

"I need to test your prostate specific antigen. After surgery, your semen could be compromised."

I was more concerned about how my asshole had been compromised than my semen. I waved her suggestion off.

"Na, don't worry about that. My wife and I are done with kids so it's not a big deal."

"Actually, Mr. Cullen, it is a big deal."

"Heh, heh. That's what she said."

Yeah, she didn't find that funny and I was left scratching my head sheepishly.

"There's a lounge through those doors. There's lubrication and magazines or movies for your enjoyment. Oh, one last thing, here's the container. Just make sure the lid is on tight once you're finished."

With a jerk – no pun intended – of her chin, she dismissed me to the 'lounge'. I guessed they couldn't exactly call it the 'whack yourself off room' – that probably wasn't politically correct.

The 'lounge' was actually rather comfortable. Had I be doing anything else but jerking off, it would have been cozy. The walls were painted in a soothing blue-grey color and I wondered if research had gone into that. Who was I kidding, of course there was. Grey probably made for more relaxed sperm.

There was a leather recliner – no doubt for easy clean up in case someone had lousy aim. A 52-inch television mounted on the wall – away from the splash zone I suspected – with countless movies already pre-programmed in. There were three different types of lubes – regular, hypoallergenic and, of all the asinine things, organic. I wondered how much that shit cost them? Out of spite, I knew it was the one I was going to use. And magazines – the collection would rival even Jacob's hidden-not-so-cleverly on the top shelf of his closet. I knew I didn't want to come – again, pun not intended – across any sticky pages so I opted for the movies.

I locked the door, then double and triple checked that it was in fact locked. Then I looked around for a hidden camera, worried I was going to end up as the next porno on the TV. I sat down and started a flick – still with my pants on – trying to warm up to the idea of masturbating in a strange place.

The dude on the screen was getting a pretty serious blowjob and that's when I was hit with a brilliant idea. Why couldn't I have Bella give me a BJ than have her spit into the cup and have it tested? I rolled my eyes because even I realized how stupid that was – Bella didn't spit, duh.

I switched movies, a few times until I finally found one that was stimulating enough. No, I'm not going to tell you what it was about, you pervert.

I swear it took me forever to jerk off. I hoped the doctor wasn't watching the clock, and tapping her shoe impatiently while she waited for me to finish. Can I tell you how difficult it is to masturbate with one hand and hold a container strategically to collect the sample with your other? I figured that was why they made the container so big – bigger surface area to hit as your target.

After cleaning myself up, I returned red-faced to the office and set my sample on the desk. It was then that I realized the unfortunate part about such a large container was that it made your sample look inadequate. I actually started to apologize.

"Sorry, I, uh, under pressure—"

"Don't worry about it, Mr. Cullen. It's a healthy sample. Thank you."

I smirked to myself that I was able to give such a 'healthy' sample under such conditions. Even under the gun, I could still deliver. Go me.

"Was there any pain or discomfort during ejaculation?"

"There certainly wasn't discomfort." When I snorted, I saw the doctor's lips smirk if only a little.

"That's good. I'll have this sent down to the lab. I don't anticipate any complications but it's a formality. You and your wife may resume your sexual activity, but please come back and see me or Doctor Uley if there is any pain or dysfunction."

I cringed at that last work. There sure as hell better not be any fucking dysfunction.

"Well, thank you, Doctor." I stood up and went to extend my right hand. Then realized what I'd been doing with that hand less than five minutes before. I awkwardly pushed my hands through my hair instead and got the hell out of there as fast as I could.

That weekend, Rose and Emmett hosted a potluck, sort of a 'glad you didn't die' celebration for me. It took me a while to catch on to the theme.

Emmett offered highballs and cocktails as we arrived.

We had baked mozzarella balls as an appetizer, courtesy of Alice and Jasper.

Bella made a grape tomato and bocconcini salad (both look like mini balls.)

Rosalie and Emmett served spaghetti and meatballs as the main course.

Carlisle and Esme brought over an assortment of cake balls for dessert.

When I finally clued in, I laughed so hard.

"Dude, what do you do for a guy who had surgery on his balls?" Jasper teased.

"Well, it's a good thing you didn't know about the doctor sticking his finger up my ass, then; I'd hate to know what we'd have been eating then."

Rosalie looked like she might be sick and Emmett howled with laugher. Even though it was at my expense, I was thankful to have friends that cared enough about my balls to throw me a party to celebrate them.

* * *

**Shouldn't we all be celebrating that Edward's balls are okay? Like the man-cold, my hubs didn't find this chapter funny - go figure.**

**I have some sad news...this story is winding down. There are two regular chapters left and two epilogues. I may do some outtakes but I'm not sure at this point.**

**Thank you all for reading and if nothing else, you must review this chapter simply out of respect for Edward's balls!**

**Until next time, friends xoxoxo**


	34. Chapter 34

**Thanks for celebrating Edward's boys being okay with your kind reviews! And thank you to my friends Lolo84 and Capricorn75 for pre-reading and beta-ing. I so appreciated all your help. xo**

**Chapter 34**

* * *

The week following my surgery/follow up was pretty low-key. I lounged around in sweat pants and let Bella continue to take care of me. Yes, I was milking it but, come on, I'd had a finger stuck up my ass, not to mention surgery on my balls. I think I deserved a little pampering.

My phone rang one afternoon and I was surprised it was Adam asking how I was doing. I told him 'as well as can be expected after being violated in my nether regions.' He chuckled awkwardly, then hemmed and hawed for a few minutes until I finally asked why he was calling.

"This may be weird, calling my girlfriend's dad but you were my godfather first, right?"

"Absolutely. Whatever you say will remain between us. What's on your mind?"

That question opened the floodgates. Apparently Adam felt comfortable enough to unleash.

"Oh my God. She leaves dirty dishes in the sink. I mean, we do have a dishwasher - put them in! And there's a cap for toothpaste for a reason, is it so hard to put it back on afterwards? And the worst part - the hair! She sheds like a pug in summer. Leah washes, blow-dries, and flat irons her hair every morning. The bathroom is always covered in hair – can't she see that? Does she know we own a vacuum? Is that even normal - the amount of hair she loses?"

I started laughing when he finally paused to take a breath.

"It's not funny!"

"Oh, but it is. Bella and I had the exact same arguments when we were first living together. Although, we were married."

Yeah, so I got my digs in.

"Does it get better? God, please tell me it gets better!" The poor kid sounded exasperated.

"It doesn't exactly get better but you learn to tolerate it. Don't mention the hair loss. Trust me on that one. You'll be opening up a whole can of worms and unnecessary trauma – for yourself."

When I'd mentioned it to Bella way back when, she convinced herself that she was going bald and the meltdown that ensued lasted for weeks. Day after day I had to inspect her brush and tell her if I thought there were more or less hairs then the day before.

"Any other advice?"

"Generally, keep your mouth shut about anything that annoys you."

"I'm trying. What if it's a legitimate complaint though?"

"Say nothing."

"But—"

"Trust me."

Adam gave a heavy sigh. "Grin and bear it, huh?"

"Now you're learning," I praised. "Feel free to call me any time to bitch - I totally understand."

"Thanks, I think."

I was still chuckling when we hung up. Poor kid. Before they moved out, I gave him the ever-powerful M&M's - the rest was up to him to figure out. Every couple that moves in together has a learning curve to fight through. I'd given Adam the best possible advice I knew of. Unfortunately, there were some things he'd find out the hard way.

Sunday evening Bella and I were enjoying having all three kids home for supper – just the five of us. It wasn't that the others were excluded; it just happened that they all had plans. Honestly, I didn't mind. It was such a rarity for it to be us and honestly, I missed the old days of Bella, the kids, and me. Okay, if you must know, the kids may have all agreed to come over partly because I laid it on pretty thick about how I'd just faced death with my surgery. Yes, I'm a little dramatic but they all agreed to come, so I was pleased.

We asked the kids to make it special by dressing up for the occasion. Silly, I know, but it was something Bella and I had done when the kids were little and it brought back good memories for us.

You see, once you have kids, it's hard to go out for a nice meal as a family. The kids get antsy and start to whine. Drinks are inevitably spilled and someone usually cries, and it wasn't always me! The D.I.N.K.'s - Double Income, No Kids - at the next table glare at you for ruining their night with your dirty-faced spawn. Personally, I thought they should thank us for the free birth control. Once upon a time, it was Bella and me glaring at couples with noisy kids - until _we_ were the couple with noisy kids. Don't I always say 'karma's a bitch.'

So, when the kids were small, Bella and I decided that every few months we would have a special dinner at home. I'd put on a suit and tie; Bella would slip on a sexy little dress. Leah and Charlotte would put on pretty floral dresses and even Jacob cleaned up nice in a dress shirt and tie. We'd use Bella's 'fancy dishes', you know the ones in the china cabinet that are only used on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Beside each plate was a linen napkin (which the kids found hilarious for some reason), and our 'good' silverware was laid out neatly. Candles were lit as the centerpiece, and classical music played quietly. The children always enjoyed our 'fancy' meals and tonight, they were excited to do it again.

Bella had gone full out, preparing a roast beef dinner with both mashed and roasted potatoes, Yorkshire puddings, gravy – made from the pan drippings of course, Caesar salad, and green beans.

I had spent the day making an apple pie – from scratch – including the piecrust. Betcha didn't know that Edward Cullen could bake, did you? Well, I can and apple pie is my specialty that the kids and Bella all adore. Truthfully, I just enjoy wearing the 'Kiss the Cook' apron because it often does earn me some kisses.

Our house smelled amazing between the roast, potatoes, and pie and those smells alone made us gather in the kitchen. Bella flitted around while I stood in a supervisory role with my glass of wine. I smiled as I listened to my kids chatting and catching up.

Leah talked about her practicum and how much she was enjoying the little seven year olds in her class. Charlotte complained about her teachers and Leah and Jacob gave her advice on how to get into their good books having had them before. Jacob talked about school and how he and Paul hoped to open their own repair shop one day – something I had no idea about. There was something going on with Jacob but I wasn't sure what it was. He was different, walking around the house with a smile on his face a lot of the time. When I asked what was up, he'd brush me off. I was hoping to get some alone time with him soon to find out why he was so happy and so secretive.

Bella set the roast in front of me and snuggled up to my side as we watched and listened to the kids. We smiled as we shared my glass of wine until the roast was rested enough. As I started carving the kids continued talking and laughing – it truly warmed my heart. But as quickly as I was slicing the meat, fingers were snatching pieces of beef away. I threatened to stab the next person's hand with my carving knife – I was half kidding. We each carried serving dishes into the dining room and settled around the table together. Just as we sat together, the doorbell rang.

"Let's ignore that. It's probably a vacuum salesman or something," I suggested. Unfortunately, whoever it was, was especially persistent and rang the doorbell three times in close succession.

"Jake, do you mind?" I asked in annoyance. He got up but when he didn't return I sighed impatiently and went to tell whomever it was to, nicely, fuck off.

You can only imagine the surprise on my face when I saw Tanya Denali standing in my hallway. Remember I said Jacob would probably jizz his pants if they ever met? I can't say I was too far off base. He was standing there, quite literally with his mouth open. Now, I can't say I can blame him. To a young man, Ms. Denali was quite attractive – if you're into tall, leggy blondes with big breasts wearing an outfit that was far more suitable for California in late fall than rainy Seattle.

"Edward, hi."

Hi? She made it sound like we were friends from way back. And we sure as hell were NOT friends.

My eyes narrowed in her direction. I was pissed that she not only had the nerve to show up at my house – how the hell did she even know where I lived? – but that she was keeping me from dinner with my family.

Realizing I still had the ridiculous apron on, I untied it as I addressed my son.

"Jake, go to the kitchen and do not let your mother come in here."

"Actually, I think I'd like to stay."

The 'oh shit' came from Jacob as he heard his mom's voice. If footsteps can be angry, hers were. Her heels clicked along the wood floors and stopped when she was beside me, hands planted firmly on her hips. I was actually scared when I saw Bella's dark eyes narrowed in contempt. I had to agree with Jacob's sentiments – 'oh shit' was right. And it was about to hit the fan.

Jake was smart enough to get the hell out of there. As he walked by me, I quietly told him to have 9-1-1 on speed dial in case Bella went postal. I had no idea what she was capable of.

Tanya took a step forward and stuck her hand out to introduce herself. "You must be Bella, I'm –"

"It's Mrs. Cullen, and I know exactly who you are." Bella snubbed her outstretched hand and Tanya awkwardly retracted it.

Like an idiot, I stood there between the two women and said nothing while Bella continued her confrontation with Tanya.

"Did you need something?"

"I was hoping to speak to Edward privately."

"You're not speaking to Mr. Cullen privately. Anything you need to say you will say in front of me."

"May I come in? Perhaps it would be better to discuss this in your living room or somewhere more comfortable than the front hall?"

"No." With one word, Bella put Miss Hollywood in her place. She knew that 'more comfortable' to Tanya Denali would be naked in our bedroom.

"Listen, I mean no disrespect—"

Bella gave an Edward-worthy snort.

"Really? You brazenly propositioned a man for sex when you knew damn well he was happily married. I think that equates to being a disrespecting whore."

Let me stop for a minute.

My incredibly hot wife calling another woman a whore and defending our love equates to holy fucking shit, HOT! The look in Bella's eyes coupled with the stance she'd taken, all put together in a short black cocktail dress and red high-heeled shoes? Good Lord, I was no better than Jacob – I was about to jizz my own damn pants.

I admit, I kind of wanted a cat-fight to happen. What guy doesn't want two girls fighting over him? Name-calling had already happened, some hair pulling and nail scratching would be epic. Not just for my own pleasure – one could call it first hand experience and research for a book. How awesome would that be? And the angry possessive sex that was going to be happening in my house later tonight would rival our best make up sex, guaran-fucking-teed.

Tanya cleared her throat, which removed me from my fantasy as she took a step backwards.

"Mrs. Cullen. Please. I came here first of all to apologize. You're right. My actions on our first meeting were highly inappropriate. You have to understand that I come from a world where if you want anything, you either pay for it with money or sex – usually both. I was greatly mistaken when I tried that approach with your husband."

"Yes, you were." Bella folded her arms across her chest.

"I came away from the meeting realizing that your husband is faithful like no other. His love transcends anything I have ever known. His books are merely a glimpse of his passion for you. I know that now."

"Then why did you ask to speak to him alone?"

"I had no idea if he would have told you what happened at our meeting. I didn't want to cause trouble between you."

"FYI, your actions at the meeting in no way caused trouble for us. Quite the opposite in fact." Bella raised one eyebrow as she smirked at Tanya. My eyes glazed over as I remembered our little tryst in the kitchen. They way she kissed me with passion. Her lips and hands wrapped around my cock. Jacob interrupting. Fucking Jacob.

"And now that you've apologized, there's the door." I was pretty sure Bella not-so-quietly added 'and don't let it hit your ass on the way out.'

"I actually did come for another reason. A counter-offer."

"Mr. Cullen's life story is not for sale. His – our – anonymity is still not negotiable."

"Actually, I wanted to discuss a different sort of proposal."

"Really?" Bella's voice sounded skeptical.

"Yes. If I may come in, I would love to be given the opportunity to explain."

Bella turned to me and I realized at that point, I hadn't actually spoken a single word since she'd joined us in the front hall. I'm all kinds of awesome. Let's blame the pain meds. Even though I'd stopped taking them, I'm sure the residual effect was still lingering. Sounded probable, right?

"Edward, I'd like a few minutes alone with Ms. Denali."

My eyes darted between my wife and Tanya. "Uh… do you think that's a good idea?" I asked in a hushed voice.

Bella's shrug was non-committal.

"Perhaps not, but necessary."

I was torn. Should I leave them or not? Was I going to miss a cat-fight? Bella raised her eyebrows at me and I smiled apologetically to Tanya before I made a hasty retreat. When I walked into the dining room, all three kids were crowded in the doorway and made for their seats trying to look completely innocent.

"What do you think you're doing?" I questioned, unable to hide my smirk. They were about as stealthy as a herd of elephants as they scrambled for their seats.

"Nothing." Three voices lied at the same time.

"You're doing it all wrong. The wall over there is not only closer to the front hall but the drywall is thinner so you can hear much better." I muttered 'amateurs' under my breath as I moved over to the sidewall. Putting my ear against it I caught a glimpse of the kids – arms folded across their chests as they looked at me with contempt.

"Is this how you knew about the time I was going to sneak out and go to Bryan's party when I was grounded?" Jacob asked; I shrugged sheepishly.

"And how you knew I was planning on cheating on my English mid-term?" Charlotte grumbled; I gave her a cheesy grin.

"And how you knew when I spent the weekend at Adam's we actually slept in his bed?" Leah wondered.

"What!" I croaked. I friggin knew it! And I'd given Adam advice on how to get out of hot water. In that moment I wanted to retract my inside information and demand my M&M's back.

"Uh, never mind. You said we could hear much better over here?"

By the time I shook the disbelief from my head, Bella walked back into the dining room with an air of confidence that I'd never seen before. She calmly asked if we were ready to eat.

The kids and I all exchanged confused looks.

"Ms. Denali is gone. Left on the broomstick she rode in on," Bella told us flatly as she helped herself to the now cold meal.

"What about the movie deal? I, uh, mean I assume that's why she was here." Jacob attempted to cover up the fact that he'd been eavesdropping.

"I told Ms. Denali that until she was willing to double her original offer of five million dollars we weren't interested. Politely, of course."

I knew my wife – politely my ass.

"Original offer?" Leah looked confused.

I told the story of my first meeting with Tanya, leaving out the part where Tanya propositioned me. From Bella's look alone the kids knew there was more to the story.

"Is that they day I walked in on you…never mind." Jake stuffed his mouth full; Charlotte looked ill and Leah smirked.

"You turned down five million dollars? Are you nuts?" Charlotte asked, her voice raising octaves. In those few minutes of fantasy, I bet Char had already spent half of it.

"She wanted to expose me for the world to see. I couldn't risk it."

"But five million dollars?" Jake shook his head.

"Money doesn't make you happy, sweetie." Bella informed our kids.

"No, but I bet it's a heck of a lot more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than in a Honda." Jake pointed out.

The whole time we were talking, Bella's smirk didn't go away. It was killing me to know what was said when I was out of the room.

"What exactly did you say to her – verbatim?"

Bella thoughtfully chewed her food and swallowed. She then took a sip of wine as she looked all three kids in the eye, and paused when she got to me. Her brown eyes blazed with a fierceness of possessive love that I felt in my bones.

"I told Ms. Denali that I don't forget when someone does me wrong. I let her know if we only had a hundred dollars to our name we would still be happier than she will ever be. I explained that my family means more to me than anything else on this planet and unless her offer was over ten million dollars, we wouldn't ever consider it. Then I told her to get her skanky, fat ass and fake tits out of my home. Then I slammed the door quite literally in her face and told her to fuck off."

The smile on Bella's face was both sexy and sly. I wanted to tell the kids to get the hell out of the dining room so I could fuck it off her face.

"That was hot, Mom," Jake said what I was thinking.

"No shit that was hot. Uh, Bella? Can I speak to you privately in the kitchen for two or so minutes?" Two minutes wouldn't be a stellar performance but it would be long enough.

Bella laughed and told me no.

"Two minutes, Dad?" Jake shook his head in disappointment and I tossed my napkin at him – more out of sexual frustration than anything else.

"Alright, let's get back to being a normal family. Leah, tell us about living with Adam – how's it going?"

Bella attempted to set us back on track but, really? Why start with the girl who was now having regular sex? What was she thinking?

"It's great. He's pretty anal, though."

A piece of roast beef got stuck in my throat and I started coughing. Apparently it wasn't 'regular sex'. That was a visual I didn't need.

"Anal as in particular about the house, Jeez, Dad." Leah shook her head.

"Sounds like Adam's just like your father. He used to have a mini stroke if I left the cap off the toothpaste."

"That's totally Adam!"

Jacob laughed. "You're going to marry Dad essentially. That's hilarious."

Leah made a face that I tried not to be offended by.

"I'm glad Paul's nothing like you Dad, no offense."

"How are you and Paul?" Leah asked her sister in a teasing tone. All eyes turned to her and she blushed.

"We're fine. We've finally been able to spend time together again after my grounding. Paul just bought a motorcycle." Charlotte commented with a smile.

"That you may not ride." Bella gave her a stern look and the smile on my daughter's face faded quickly.

"How did I know you'd say that?"

"Your birthday's coming up soon, Char. Any big plans for your seventeenth?" Leah skillfully deflected the conversation as she helped herself to more mashed potatoes.

"Going out for dinner with a group of friends. Maybe I'll sleep over at Crystal's house since I'm not grounded anymore."

"I think that will be fine. You took your punishment like a champ," I smiled at her.

Jacob snorted. "Well, she did learn from the best."

The five of us around the table laughed. It felt so good to hang out with my kids again, talking about everyday, normal things. Life was good. Life would be a hell of a lot better if Tanya Denali called and said she wanted to turn one of my books into a movie for ten million but I wouldn't be holding my breath.

Later that night, Bella, Leah and I were saying goodnight at the front door.

"Oh, Dad, I've been wanting to ask you - Adam's been working on something. It's his first novel. Do you think you'd be able to look it over sometime?"

I scratched my head and tried to figure out a way to get out of the awkward situation. I'd been asked to read stuff before from a friend (Alice) and it was crap. It's really hard to have to tell a friend, let alone a future son-in-law that their writing sucks.

"Please, Daddy?"

"Sure, sure, that's fine. Tell him to bring it over next time."

"Actually, he doesn't know but I printed out the first few chapters." She pulled them out of her purse and handed them to me.

"Are you sure I should read these? If he doesn't know I have them?"

"I know he wants your opinion he's just too shy to ask. Take them." She all but forced the pages into my hands.

"Thanks." Although I said it flatly, I forced a smile.

Later that night, I was sitting up in bed reading Adam's untitled novel. Bella emerged from the shower in her robe with her hair wrapped up in a towel. I don't think girls realize how sexy a robe and towel turban can be. She sat down on the edge of the bed, one leg propped up while she applied lotion. Damn.

"Edward?"

"Sorry, what did you say?" I shook my head and Bella laughed.

"I asked how Adam's book was."

I sighed and set the pages down.

"Oh dear, was that a happy sigh or a not so happy sigh?"

"It's good. It's actually really good."

"What's the problem then?" Bella changed positions so she could apply lotion to the other leg.

"Must you do that? It's distracting."

"Sorry." Bella apologized but she certainly wasn't sorry. "What's the problem with Adam's story?"

"It's uh…There's some sex in it."

Bella lifted her eyebrows. "Good sex? Let me read."

"Yes, it's good sex. It's quite erotic actually."

"I'm still not understanding what the issue is?"

"Bella, where do I get all my sex scene ideas from?"

She smiled. "Real life."

"Yes. Like right now, as you're massaging lotion into your legs, I've actually already transcribed that into words for my newest book."

"Really?"

I held my hand out and Bella passed me the bottle of lotion. I squeeze some into my hands and started massaging the bottoms of her feet and up her calf. As I spoke, my actions mirrored my words.

"I watched as she massaged the subtly scented lotion into her smooth, creamy legs. Her robe parted, revealing more of her toned thigh and I groaned at the sight. She set the bottle of lotion down and I took over the job, letting my hands glide up and down the full length of her leg, still warm from her shower. I wasn't sure what I liked better – the feeling of her thighs under my fingertips or the look she was gracing me with. As she lay down on the bed, her knees bent and slightly apart as my hands drifted higher and higher still, until I was met with—"

"Edward."

Damn it, why must she always stop me?

"You certainly are gifted." Bella made a happy little sigh just as I was about to reach my favorite destination. "Sorry, what were we talking about again? Right - the problem with Adam's book. I still don't get it."

"The sex scene was pretty graphic. And you know who he's having sex with? My daughter." I made a face.

Instead of being sympathetic, Bella laughed.

"Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to read your books in the beginning? Having Rosalie read them knowing full well she knew that you based your words on our actions?"

I admit, that was a tad awkward for me in the beginning as well. I remembered a disagreement Rosalie and I had once about my description of my female character's face after orgasm.

"I don't know, Edward. It's not like I've ever studied a picture of someone's face as they are about to come but 'pained and oblivious'? I don't know. There has to be a better description."

"Well, I have studied a picture of someone's face as they are about to come. Here, look at this." I pulled my digital camera out of my pocket and produced the photo of Bella. Not knowing what I was showing her, Rosalie accepted the camera and looked at the photo.

"Oh my God, Edward! That's – that's Bella! As she's …"

"Yes, it is. I told you, I take my work seriously."

Rosalie tossed the camera back like it was a hot potato. "Take this, and never let Bella know you showed me. Good God, I'm never going to be able to look at her the same way again."

I thrust the camera back under her nose. "But look at her face. Doesn't she look pained but also oblivious? Doesn't she?"

Rosalie briefly looked at the picture again and agreed.

The line was re-worded more eloquently but I think I made my point. And no, I never told Bella about Rosalie seeing the picture. I'd taken hundreds of nude or partially nude pictures of her over the years to use for inspiration or a visual for writing. But the situation with Adam was different and I told Bella as much.

"This is different from Rosalie knowing about us. Adam's writing about sex with Leah! The perky nipples? Leah's. The waxed…yeah, I can't even go there. It's wrong Bella."

"Waxed?"

I nodded. "Bare."

"Oh." Bella furrowed her brow.

"See what I'm sayin'?"

"I guess you're in a tough situation."

"Now you get it. If I tell Adam it's good, it's like I'm praising his love making skills or in the case of this," I held up the printed pages, "his fucking skills."

Bella looked sympathetic. "I know you, Edward. You'll say the right thing."

I snorted. "Yeah, sure I will. Most likely I'll say something totally idiotic and shove my foot in my mouth."

"You're probably right." Bella winked at me then teased me by flashing me. "Perhaps I can distract and inspire you at the same time?"

"With your perky nipples and your trimmed-nicely-not-shaved-bare-like-an-adolescent pussy? Works for me."

I called Adam the next day and we met up for coffee at a local café. As I sat down, I set the pages on the table in front of me; Adam looked at them curiously.

"Uh, Leah asked me to read some of your novel."

"What?!" His face immediately went bright red and I had to think on the fly.

"I didn't. Uh, read this, I mean." I sucked at lying.

"Oh, thank God." Adam said it more to himself than to me. "Not that I would mind if you read my stuff sometime, that would be great. This is, uh something more personal I was working on."

"Oh," I tried to sound casual.

"You read it didn't you?"

I scratched my head but found myself nodding.

"Oh God. I'm so embarrassed." Adam hid his face behind his hands.

"Don't be. You're quite good. Writing I mean, not in the sack. I have no idea how you are in bed and really, I don't ever want to know. I hope you're good, for Leah's sake. No, I don't. Shit. Never mind. Please stop smiling – this isn't funny. I realize it's my daughter you're doing that with."

"Yes, sir. Sorry for smiling. You really thought it was good though?"

"Yes. But let's never mention these pages again."

"Absolutely."

Thank fuck!

* * *

**So not as funny as last chapter but it served to tie up some ends before the next chapter - which is the last regular chapter. I now have three epilogues - one for Jacob, Charlotte and Leah so you can see where they end up in a few years time. I also have some out takes that were short and didn't make a chapter. **

**Thank you for reading and (hopefully) reviewing xo**


	35. Chapter 35

**My sincere thanks to Lolo84 and Capricorn75 for their pre-reading and beta skills. I can't thank you two enough for all your help and encouragement. And thank you to all you wonderful readers for your kind words of encouragement via reviews. Thank you so very much!**

* * *

**Chapter 35**

Bella and I were sitting at the kitchen table with our coffees and the newspaper one Sunday morning. Bella did the crossword while I read the obits. Don't ask - it's one of my weird-isms. Sometimes I know people; sometimes I don't. Most of the time I'm thankful I wasn't in there. A lot of the time I'm annoyed by the write-up. I mean, if someone died 'suddenly and tragically' can't you find it in your heart to post _why _for those of us morbidly curious? It would save me a Google search. And if your father, rest in peace, was ninety years old, was it really sudden when he passed on? Just giving you something to think about the next time you write an obituary.

As we were relaxing, Jacob and Vanessa walked into the kitchen, hand-in-hand, and asked if they could talk to us for a minute. When your kid voluntarily wants to talk to you, you stop whatever you are doing and listen because it's probably important. If your son is already sweating bullets and the girlfriend looks like she might throw up, you pop an anti-anxiety pill and then talk.

"Am I going to need another cup of coffee?" I joked, but I saw Nessie nod with a serious look on her face.

I fixed both Bella and myself some extra-strong coffee and prepared myself for the worst. Of course, the first thought that came to mind was that she was pregnant. They say condoms are 99% effective. Jacob must have hit the 100 mark and met his fate. Was I really going to be a grandpa at forty-three? Was it weird if I asked the kid to call me 'Uncle' instead of Grandpa so I didn't feel so old? I wondered if calling me Uncle but Bella 'Gramma' would be confusing to the kid?

When I couldn't avoid them any longer, I sat back down beside Bella.

"What did you need to talk to us about?" Bella asked, as she brought her cup to her mouth and softly blew on it before taking a sip. How she always remained so calm, I'll never know.

It was Nessie who began speaking first.

"This is difficult for me to tell you, especially after dating Jacob all these months. Please know, I meant no disrespect." Nessie looked over at my son and he nodded his encouragement to her. She let out a breath before she blurted out her secret.

"I have a daughter. Madeline – she's almost three."

"W-what?" I croaked out. Internally I said 'Holy fucking shit!'

"I got pregnant when I was eighteen – by my high school boyfriend. We had an amicable separation when our baby was six months old but he's still very much a part of Maddie's life. I love her more than anything."

Bella set her coffee cup on the table and smiled at Nessie.

"I have no doubt that you do. Well, this is certainly a surprise."

There was a solid minute of uncomfortable silence. I certainly wasn't going to be the one to open my mouth and say something idiotic. Thankfully, Bella spoke up and broke the silence.

"Nessie, forgive me for being so blunt, but why did you feel you had to hide her from us?"

"I wasn't hiding her - I was protecting her. I've dated here and there since my ex and I separated, but not once have I ever introduced Maddie to a boyfriend. Her health and wellbeing is the most important thing to me. I always wanted her to have a stable life, and boyfriends- or girlfriends, in my ex's case- coming and going was something we both agreed we wouldn't subject our daughter to. But I know what Jake and I have is something special and last weekend, I finally introduced the two of them."

Until then, I'd been wondering how Jake felt about dating someone with, pardon the expression, baggage, but the huge grin on his face said it all.

"She is the cutest little thing ever. She's beautiful like her momma." Jacob reached over and tucked a piece of hair behind Nessie's ear.

"Have you known about Maddie all along?" I wondered.

Jake nodded. "Nessie told me on our first date."

"I'm always honest with guys I date. Some aren't into a girl who already has a kid and that's fine, but not someone I obviously want to pursue a relationship with. Maddie never was an issue for Jake." The couple exchanged smiles.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Bella looked to Nessie for the answer. I was glad she was asking the hard questions. It made me look like the good guy for a change.

"I really wasn't sure how you guys would react. I'm already the 'older woman' dating your son. First impressions are huge. I thought if you knew I had a kid so young, you'd think I was a tramp or something." She shrugged and looked down at her hands and paused for a moment. "Not that it matters, but even though Maddie was an accident, she was never not wanted. And she's always been loved."

I looked at her face and could not only see but feel the love she felt for her young daughter.

"Why tell us now?" I asked.

"Nessie is quickly becoming very important to me." Jake raised his eyebrows at me in such a way that I immediately understood that this was far more serious than he'd ever led on to before. I guess that explained the happy look about him recently. "Her ex is moving out of state next month. I know I'm not Maddie's dad but I can see myself stepping into that roll. I - we, wanted to make sure you guys realized that I am okay with this. I want this. One day, I want to officially make Nessie and Maddie my family."

I hadn't realized that my 'wow' was out loud and was quick to apologize.

"Sorry. This is a lot to absorb."

"I understand. I'm sorry for not telling you both about Madeline earlier. She's everything to me, and I never wanted someone to dislike her simply because of my circumstances. I also want you to know, I am not pressuring Jake to be anything more than a positive male role model in her life. She has a father – he just happens to be moving 5000 miles away."

"I don't know what to say. Sorry, this never happens to me." I shook my head at myself.

Nessie laughed at me; her words made me blush. "Yes, I have learned that about you over the past few months."

"Can we, I mean, will we be able to meet her?" Bella asked quietly and both Jake and Nessie smiled.

"Of course. She's extremely shy around new people – part of the reason why I took so long to introduce her to Jake, but I'd love for you to meet her."

"You'll adore her as much as I do," Jacob said, confidently.

"Speaking of which, I actually have to go pick her up from her dad's. I'm sorry I don't have more time to spend with you and I promise to answer any questions you have. I'm sure you want time to talk to Jake alone anyways. Please, forgive me for not telling you."

"Well, thank you for being honest with us." Bella put it so eloquently.

"Talk to you later?" Nessie asked Jacob who nodded. They kissed briefly before she let herself out, leaving the three of us alone in the kitchen.

"Heh, heh. Nothing like a bombshell, huh?" My son laughed nervously, not sure what to expect from us now that we were alone.

"Holy shit comes to mind." I received an arm smack from Bella. "Sorry, but come on, that's from way out of left field. A kid? Does she live with her?"

"They have joint custody so Maddie lives with each of them half the time. Are you mad?"

"We're not mad," Bella said.

"No, more like in shock. Maybe we'll be mad later."

"Edward."

"Sorry."

"You're really okay with this? You're walking into an instant family." Bella reached over and held onto Jake's hand.

"Surprisingly, I am. I love Nessie and I can see myself loving Maddie. How can I not love something that came from her?"

"Even if that something wasn't a part of you?" I wasn't trying to be a jerk. I was being honest, something Jake didn't chastise me for.

"Truthfully, I didn't know how I would react to actually meeting her. Would she hate me? Would I even like her? Little kids are messy, clingy, and needy, you know? I was a nervous wreck. Nessie warned me that she was really shy and may just run back to her room without a word. But within twenty minutes, Maddie was sitting on my lap, snuggled right up to my chest showing me her dolls. And you know what? It felt right holding her. Nessie got all teary-eyed and said she's not even like that with her parents, and they're pretty close. It made me feel like it was meant to be. And then when we found out her ex was moving away, I don't know, it really did feel like it was supposed to be."

Bella wiped away a tear as she listened to her son talk so honestly about his feelings. Sure, we'd had meaningful discussions before, but this was the first one where I felt like I was talking man-to-man with him. He was raw and honest; so refreshing to see. I realized then, that he truly had matured more than I ever thought over the past few months.

"You sound really content," I noted.

"I am. Crazy, right? I feel like Nessie was a part of me I didn't know was missing. And then I met her daughter and she fits right into my life, too. Do you think I'm nuts?"

"I think you're in love. And when you're in love, you accept the person as they are. For most people, you have to get used to their annoying habits like leaving the cap off the toothpaste." I winked at Bella and she rolled her eyes. "In your case, you'll just have to get used to sharing more than the bathroom sink. I can't tell you it will always be easy. Lord knows raising a child together is tough."

I thought back to all the fights Bella and I had after Leah was born. It's hard to learn how to balance being a spouse, parent, lover, employee, and friend. Like when the honeymoon is over, you learn to live with your spouse's habits that were endearing before. Having a baby is something that takes patience and a lot of work.

Bella agreed with what I was saying. "I imagine being a step-parent is harder than being the parent, as well. And you have to remember that Madeline's needs will always come before you. Sometimes that's hard to accept, but it's the way it is when you have kids."

"I know. There have been many date nights that Ness had to cancel because Maddie was sick or the babysitter bailed. But I think I have a big enough heart to love them both."

"There's no doubt in my mind that you do." Bella got up and went around the table to pull Jacob into a hug and I did the same.

"Thanks for being so cool," Jacob told us sincerely before he left to study.

Really, what choice did we have? You can't choose who you fall in love with. He happened to love a girl with a daughter. I was proud of him for stepping up the plate and not being scared away. I couldn't say I would have felt the same.

About two weeks later, we met the infamous Madeline. Bella and I watched from the living room window as Nessie walked up to the house, a little girl in her arms, her head resting on her mother's shoulder. Jake met them at the front door and within minutes, the three of them walked into the living room together, roles reversed. Maddie had her little arms wrapped tight around Jacob's neck, her face buried between his shoulder and chin. She certainly had taken a liking to our son.

Jacob announced her arrival in a quiet, yet royal sounding voice.

"I'd like you to meet Miss Madeline." The little girl made no attempt to greet us. Very comfortable with kids, Bella took the lead; I smartly kept my mouth shut not wanting to scare her away.

"Oh, I was hoping a little girl would come over to play. I have a new dolly that's been waiting for a friend." Bella sat the doll on her lap where Madeline could see. Behind a veil of dark hair, I saw one little eye sneak a peak.

"I thought a tea party might be fun. I have some cookies, too."

Nessie shyly smiled her thanks at Bella's gestures as Jacob sat down with Madeline still firmly attached.

"Thanks, Mom. I'd love some tea. I sure wish someone would pour it for me." He sat down beside Bella, with Maddie still clinging to him – chest to chest - her little legs wrapped around his middle like a monkey. After a minute, she lifted her head and whispered something ever so quietly in Jake's ear.

"Madeline is wondering if there's enough for her."

"There most certainly is and enough cookies for everyone. I'll just leave things right here in case anyone feels like having any."

Then Bella struck up an unrelated conversation with Nessie, leaving the doll on the couch between her and Jake. It took a little while but soon enough, Maddie ventured off Jacob's lap but stayed as far away from Bella as possible. She brushed her hair out of her face and smoothed down her dress over her white tights. She looked around and realizing no one was paying attention to her, poured a cup of tea into a tiny teacup and set it carefully before the doll. Bella and I avoided eye contact with her but we both had to smile.

Next, Maddie poured a cup of tea and brought it over to her mom, and one for Jacob who declared it to be the best cup of tea he'd had in his whole entire life. I saw the smile tugging at the little girls lips and I couldn't help but to smile as well. My big, burly, six foot two son holding a tiny plastic teacup in his fingers, pinky extended was quite the sight. He sipped from it like he was having high tea with the queen. It was in that moment that I realized he was more than cut out for this. He was a natural.

Very tentatively, Maddie poured two more cups and slowly walked over to Bella. She stood before her and offered it much like a peace offering. Bella smiled and thanked her profusely.

When it was my turn, the little girl inched her way over to me, set the cup down on the coffee table in front of me and ran back to the safety of Jake's bulky arms. I couldn't help but grin. Leah had been shy like that when she was that age. Charlotte and Jake were never shy – wonder whom they got that from! - but watching this little girl brought back memories of my oldest.

By the end of the afternoon, Maddie had warmed up to Bella enough to exchange a few words. She left that day giving me a cautious high five before she left with Nessie and her new doll. She opted to leave the tea set behind for another visit one day soon.

Jacob, Bella, and I sat back down in the living room talking about the meeting.

"She's pretty cute," I admitted.

"I know, right?" Jacob's smile was infectious.

"She's certainly comfortable with you." Bella leaned back against the couch.

"Nessie said that's rare. I have to admit, I like that she likes me." He paused and drummed his fingers on the side table nervously. "I, uh, think she's the one I'm supposed to marry. Nessie, not Madeline. Obviously. Falling in love with a kid would be weird."

"I figured that marriage talk was coming."

"You did, Dad? How?"

"Look at your face, son. You are so ridiculously in love – with both Vanessa and Madeline."

"I guess I am. Gotta say, it feels good."

"You know what I love about all this?"

"What's that, Dad?"

"That you're going to have a daughter. And one day Maddie's going to ask you to buy her tampons, and you'll say 'hell, no' and she'll bat those pretty little eye lashes and you'll cave." I laughed.

"Not likely."

"Oh you scoff now, but just you wait. And you will interrogate any boy who comes knocking on your door wanting a date with her."

Jacob's brow furrowed and I continued, because I was just getting started.

"And the first time you catch her with a boy with a hand up her shirt, or worse, dry humping on your couch or screwing in your car, you'll have an aneurysm."

Beside me, Bella was trying to contain her laughter and Jake got up in a hurry.

"Yeah, uh, I should probably hit the books. I have an exam tomorrow." Before he left, he kissed Bella's cheek and extended his hand to me.

"Thanks, both of you, for being so supportive and understanding. And thanks for the dose of reality. Shit." He left the room shaking his head at all the scenarios I'd planted.

I pulled Bella to my lean against my chest, wrapping my arms around her and resting my head on her shoulder.

"That was mean."

"I know. Wasn't it fun?" I chuckled as Bella jabbed her elbow into my side. "Did you notice how the two of them looked so much alike?"

"I thought the same thing, Edward. She looked so much like Jacob; he could have been her father. With Vanessa being so fair, I wasn't expecting that. I guess she takes after her dad. Both Maddie and Jake have those big, expressive chocolate brown eyes; those long lashes. Even some of their mannerisms were similar. And they were so at ease with each other. That was something I couldn't get over. I mean, Jake playing tea party and soothing the doll when she was pretend crying? Wow. It's like he said, maybe it was meant to be."

"How are you feeling about it all?"

Bella shrugged against me. "Jacob's never done things half-assed, you know? He plays hard, works hard; loves hard. If anyone is cut out to have an instant family, I know he is."

"Wasn't he the kid who not that long ago stole my car to have sex with his girlfriend in the middle of the night then crashed on the way home?"

"He's come a long way. Remember, he's also scholarship winner, Valedictorian, and college student."

I shook my head. "That's so effed up!"

"What's effed up?" Charlotte asked as she came into the living room.

Leah and Charlotte didn't know about Maddie yet. It was something we were leaving to Jacob to explain when he thought the time was right.

"We were just talking about how fast you kids grow up, is all." Bella covered up quickly as her cell phone rang. Seeing it was Rosalie, she excused herself to take the call, no doubt to fill her in on everything. Our daughters may not have known about Madeline, but our friends certainly did.

Charlotte flopped down in the chair opposite me. "So…"

"How was your birthday dinner and sleep over with your friends last night?"

Had my baby really just turned seventeen? Crazy.

"It was good. We met up at … You know what? I can't lie to you anymore."

"Anymore?" Exactly how much had she been lying to me in the past?

"You make me feel all guilty with your whole 'let's always be honest with each other' talk."

I quirked her an eyebrow.

"Uh…Paul and I…we….uh, we were together last night."

"Yeah, I assumed he was going out for dinner, too."

Charlotte raised her eyebrows at me. "Together _together_."

It took me a minute.

"Ohhhhhh!"

I wasn't sure how I felt about actually knowing that she'd lost her virginity the night before. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she felt comfortable enough with me to tell me but it also felt weird. Was I supposed to ask her how it was? Find out if he used a condom? (He sure as fuck better had!) Inquire as to where they did it? Was any of this any of my business? What exactly was a dad's protocol for this? Pretty sure there wasn't one. Damn, I wished I had time to consult Google but instead I had to wing it. You know that never bodes well.

"You didn't sleep at Crystal's last night?"

Great start, dumb ass.

Charlotte shook her head and I scratched mine. I couldn't believe I'd fallen for the old 'I'm sleeping at a friend's house' trick. Shit, I was getting old. But there were more important things to address.

"How are you? Are you okay?"

Charlotte gave me a shy smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. It was sort of scary, but yeah, I'm good."

"It's just as scary for the guy the first time."

"Really?" Charlotte sounded surprised.

"Heck, yeah. We know that we're hurting our girl. That part sucks." Not to mention that our lasting capabilities are slightly less than stellar the first fifty times or so.

I thought back to mine and Bella's first time in my bedroom all those years before. The pain that flickered on Bella's face as I pushed into her would always resonate in my heart.

Char nodded then spoke quietly, her eyes downcast.

"It won't always be that way, will it?"

I wanted to tell her that practice makes perfect but I refrained.

"No, baby. It can be an amazing experience but it does take some getting used to. If he truly loves you, the guy will be as gentle as he can for as long as it takes."

"Paul was sweet the whole time. He must love me."

"Do you love him?"

"I do."

I wanted to cry. Hearing my baby say she loved a man that wasn't me kind of hurt my heart. Sure, I always knew the day would come but it didn't make it easier. Somehow, I managed to curb my tears and asked her to sit close beside me.

"I guess you're a woman now, huh?" I pressed a kiss to her temple.

Char shrugged. "I guess. Can I still be your little girl, too?"

I smiled.

"You betcha." I snuggled her in close and we sat in silence for a few minutes. It took me that long to realize she was quietly crying.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" I smoothed my hand over her hair, from the top of her head down to the ends as she took a moment to answer.

"I feel different."

Oh shit.

"Uh, pregnant different or just different?"

She managed a low chuckle through her tears. "We used protection so no, not pregnant different, just different. I didn't think I would. Don't get me wrong - I don't have any regrets - I wanted to do that with Paul. I can't explain it."

I thought I'd give it a try.

"Sex changes everything whether you want it to or not. It forms an even stronger connection than you thought possible. It also makes you very vulnerable. Not only were you physically stripped naked but emotionally, too. And in that state, you put all your trust in another, that's a scary thing to do. So, it's no wonder you feel different - you are different."

My daughter looked up. "How do you do it?"

"What's that?"

"Find the words to make everything make sense. You always know what to say." Charlotte hugged herself into my chest and I wrapped my arms around her and held her close.

"It's trial and error, baby girl. Sometimes I hit the nail on the head and other times, I'm an embarrassment to myself."

"And me."

"Thank you for that." I laughed.

"But most of the time, you say exactly what I need to hear. You're not mad are you?"

"For what - having sex?"

"That and for lying to you about going out with friends for my birthday."

"It's not like you could have told me what you were really going to be doing last night. I sure as hell wouldn't have let you go out."

I was teasing her – sort of.

"Besides, you're the first one of my kids to come tell me about it the next day. That shows you have integrity."

"Or balls."

I laughed, again. "Or balls. You're definitely my kid."

"Did you tell Grandpa after you had sex the first time?"

"My Dad? No. My brother, yes."

"Did Mom tell her parents?"

"You're kidding right? As far as Grandpa Swan is concerned, your mom and I have had sex three times to make three babies. End of story."

"Are you going to tell Mom about Paul and me?"

"Am I allowed or did you want to?"

"I'd actually prefer if you did. I'm afraid she'll lecture me more about safe sex than anything else."

"Shit, I probably should have done that, huh?" I put on my deepest 'dad voice' and got ready to school her. "Charlotte, don't even think about having intercourse without a condom. Not even for a fleeting moment. There's something called pre—"

Charlotte held a finger to my lips.

"Please stop. I've taken sex ed. I know exactly what you're referring to and I don't want to ruin this moment by talking about it."

I nodded, her finger still against my lips. Truthfully, I was thankful she knew so I could simply enjoy the moment with my daughter in my arms. We stayed like that for a while until Jacob came back down and plopped down on a chair.

"I've been meaning to ask, what's with the play tea set?" Charlotte asked. Jacob and I exchanged looks.

"Uh, Nessie sort of has a kid."

"Holy shit, really?"

"Yeah, she's three; her name's Madeline. Mom and Dad met her for the first time this afternoon."

"Wow, what's she like?"

"She's really cute, Char. She's super shy but she likes me."

"Are you going to marry Nessie and be her step-dad?"

"I hope to, yeah."

"Huh. We haven't talked in a while apparently."

Jacob laughed. "No kidding. Hey, you want to grab some dinner with me and catch up? My treat – consider it part of your birthday present."

Charlotte smiled. "That sounds like fun. Should we call Leah? See if she wants to come?"

Jake agreed and called Leah, who happened to be free because Adam was busy for the evening. Brother and sister headed upstairs to get ready and fifteen minutes later, Leah had arrived. I loved that she knew our home was still her home and let herself in with her key. I greeted her with a big hug and kiss. Bella came back, oblivious to what had happened while she was on the phone, so Leah explained the kids were going out for the evening.

"Really?" Bella looked confused.

"Yeah. We haven't hung out for a while." Leah shrugged like it was no big deal, but it was. I couldn't remember the last time all three had voluntarily gone out together.

"Hey, Leah." Jake gave his sister a hug when he joined us in the living room. He'd fixed his hair – spiked up in the front a bit – and had on jeans and a button up shirt. You have no idea how sweet I thought it was that he dressed up for his 'date' with his sisters.

"Hi! Thanks for inviting me out. This'll be fun."

"Yeah. I thought maybe dinner and a movie?"

"Sounds good. Where's Nessie tonight?"

I watched Leah's face as I anticipated Jacob's answer.

"She's home with her daughter."

"Wh-what?"

Jacob, Bella and I all laughed – the look on Leah's face was priceless.

"You're serious?"

"Very." Jacob grinned.

"Shut up! You're like a step-dad?"

"Well, not now. But I want to marry Nessie so, yeah, I will be."

"That's a whole lot of crazy, Jake."

Jacob chuckled lowly as he pulled his phone from his pocket. "Wanna see pictures?"

"You have pictures of a three year old on your phone now instead of porn - you're definitely a dad now."

"The porn's still there," Jake clarified.

"Thank God, I was worried about you for second there. Now show me pictures of your kid."

The two of them huddled together as Jake scrolled through about fifty pictures.

"Dude, she looks like you, that's crazy." Leah shook her head in disbelief.

"You think so? Yeah, I guess, kind of." Jake smiled to himself, as he looked at one of the photos.

"What about you and Adam – you guys going to have kids?"

I cleared my throat. "Ring first, please."

Leah laughed. "Yes, Daddy, ring first."

"You two talking marriage? Like seriously?" Jacob asked and Leah nodded and answered quietly.

"Yes, we are." She shrugged like it was no big deal but I knew better.

"Hey! I'm ready to go." Charlotte bounded into the room wearing jeans, thigh high boots and an off the shoulder shirt. Before I could open my mouth to say anything, Jacob beat me to it.

"You're not wearing that. Go change."

"But—"

"No."

Charlotte rolled her eyes and stomped back up to her room.

"And wash your face," Jake called over her. "You're too pretty to wear that much make up." He shook his head and sat down, Leah following suit. We all knew it could be another hour before she was ready.

"And so it starts," I chuckled.

"What starts?" Jake looked at me.

"You. Making Charlotte go upstairs to change. She's your sister, not your kid."

"Well I'm sorry but that outfit wasn't age appropriate…oh shit. I've turned into a dad." We all laughed at Jacob smacking his head.

Surprisingly, Charlotte was ready in record time and the three kids got up to leave.

"Hey, did you guys want to come with us?" Jake offered at the last minute. Bella waved her hand.

"You kids go, it's nice for us to see you guys bonding."

"Yeah, don't worry about us. A house with no kids, I'm pretty sure we'll be fine. Maybe do our own bonding." I wriggled my eyebrows and Charlotte told me I was disgusting. I still had the ability to gross out my kids, awesome.

"Hey – thank you both for being so great with Nessie and Maddie earlier."

"No problem, Jacob," Bella told him on behalf of both of us.

"And Dad, thanks for the talk," Charlotte gave me a shy smile and I nodded at her. I squeezed Bella's hand letting her know I would explain everything in a few minutes.

"Any time, kiddo. And Jake? Take my car tonight – the keys are hanging up."

Jacob grinned like the year Santa brought him a brand new BMX bike on Christmas morning.

"Really? Wow! Thanks a lot!"

With that the kids took off for their date, leaving Bella more confused than ever.

"Are you going to explain things to me? There must have been some serious bonding going on for you to let Jake take your beloved baby out."

"You have no idea. Come on, let's go make some dinner, open up a bottle of wine, and I'll fill you in." I extended my hand to her and together we walked to the kitchen.

"I have a feeling I'm going to need more than a bottle of wine."

"We can go straight for the tequila if that makes you feel better?" I half-teased.

"Oh God, what did I miss?"

Two hours later, Bella was caught up to speed and we were both slightly drunk.

We'd pushed our dinner plates aside, the remnants of our meal all but wiped clean, our fourth or fifth glasses of wine before us. The candles we'd lit slowly burned their way down to the wick. Bella was lamenting about how our babies had all grown up so much within the last few months.

"They've grown up before our eyes. They were just our babies – toddling around in diapers and onesies. And now Leah's going to get married. Jacob too. He'll step into the role of father at the same time as husband. Then there's Charlotte. Edward – she had sex. It's like a right of passage to womanhood. My baby, my sweet chubby-cheeked, thumb-sucking Charlotte, is a woman." Bella's finger traced the top of her wine glass as she spoke. She looked up at me, her make-up smudged like a raccoon under her eyes from the random tears that had fallen during our long discussion. She was still beautiful to me.

I turned my chair so I was facing her, cupping her face in my hands. I stared deep into her misty eyes for a moment and smiled at her before I leaned in for a passionate kiss.

"Leah isn't getting married just yet." I paused to smile at my wife again, reassuring her that things weren't changing over-night. "And I think Vanessa and Madeline are good for Jake. He's always been grounded but now he truly has his feet on the ground."

"And Charlotte? Tell me something good about her losing her virginity?" Bella's eyes pleaded with me and I was left scratching my head.

"Shit, Bella, I don't have all the answers. Maybe it's that we know she's in love, you know? Char said she was going to wait to have sex until she was really, truly in love. Hasn't our wish for our children always been that we want them to be happy?"

Bella nodded as she swiped her fingers under her eyes in an attempt to fix the black smudges.

"Well, I truly believe that in this moment, they are. Leah is blissfully in love with Adam. Jacob is content with both Nessie and Maddie. And Charlotte, she's happy with Paul."

Bella's eyes welled up with tears, again, as she listened to me.

"I love you."

I smiled because Bella slurred her words and it was ridiculously cute.

"And I you." I tapped my finger on the end of her nose. "Even though the kids are growing up and moving out before we know it, there is a plus side to all this, you know?" My finger traced the v-neck of her shirt, dipping lower that was necessary. Bella watched me with hooded eyes as I licked my lips in anticipation.

"And what would that be, Mr. Cullen?"

My answer came in the form of a kiss, my tongue probing deep. God, I loved the taste of the red wine on her tongue. I couldn't stop kissing her; didn't want to. The love I felt for Bella in that moment not only as my wife, best friend, and lover but as the mother of my children, knew no bounds.

While kissing her, my head was filled with quotes of love that I'd often peppered through my books.

"The most beautiful things in life cannot be seen or touched, they must be felt with the heart." Helen Keller. Bella and my children taught me that, every single day.

"There is no remedy for love but to love more." Henry David Thoreau.

And my personal favorite by Mother Teresa: "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."

I pulled away from the kiss only far enough so I could really look at my wife. The beauty etched in her face shone through in her spirit. With my finger, I followed the creases along her forehead. She hated them but to me, they told the story of our life. Like the life rings on a tree trunk, the lines in her forehead represented her timeline with me. I drew my index finger down the side of her cheek and my thumb traced across her lower lip. She parted her lips slightly, her breath warm on my fingers.

I tangled my fingers in the length of her hair as it hung down her shoulders. My eyes searched hers as she stared back at me with those sinful undress-me eyes.

Right then, I profoundly understood the words Mother Teresa so eloquently spoke of. Bella, Leah, Jacob, Charlotte. I loved them with my whole being, so much that it scared me to think of how broken I would be if anything ever happened to any one of them. I was not whole unless I had them all in my life. When they were happy, I was happy. When they hurt, I hurt. I smiled at Bella and repeated the quote for her ears.

"'I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.'"

Bella's lips curved upwards; the corners of her eyes crinkled with her smile. There was no doubt that she loved me as I loved her. Truly, madly, deeply.

"I like that quote. 'If you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." Bella nodded as she thought about the depth of those profound words.

And then, because I was drunk and an idiot and have never learned the art of keeping my mouth shut when I'm ahead, I started singing.

"Love hurts, love scars, love wounds, and mars. Any heart, not tough, or strong enough, to take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain. Love is like a cloud, holds a lot of rain. Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts."

Bella gave a drunken snort as she took another sip of her wine. She leaned in close, her lips brushing against mine as she begged me to kiss her again. You can bet your ass, I did.

Before I knew it, drunken hands were tugging my shirt over my head and it was tossed aside with her shirt, followed by my pants and hers. Undergarments were removed unceremoniously before Bella straddled me where I was sitting. Her and I literally came together as one at the head of the table. Together - just as we'd raised our family. The only way I'd ever wanted it to be.

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**This is essentially the end of the story of EA Masen. *sniff* I'm already missing my made up family. **

**I have some outtakes to post and three epilogues. Epi 1 takes Jacob into the future. Epi 2 is Charlotte's turn and Epi 3 is saved for Leah. I promise a wedding - whose I won't say - and maybe a baby to make Edward a grandpa. I hope you'll tune in for those.**

**THANK YOU ALL so much for taking the time to review. Love you for it!**

**As a PS: I'm on twitter if anyone is interested: VanCanuckGrl**


	36. Viagra Outtake

**So many requests to see Edward on Viagra. I love all my perverted readers! Thanks Capricorn75 for beta'ing this one. (A surprise for my pre-reader) Enjoy, my friends!**

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**Edward on Viagra**

As Bella was brushing her teeth, I came up behind her, my hands palming her breasts. In the mirror, I watched my wife smile. Let me assure you, she was going to be doing a whole lot of that tonight. I found the sweet spot behind her ear, my tongue lightly licking before my lips pressed a kiss to the indent. My hands drifted under her nightshirt, her nipples already straining against my hands.

"What's gotten into you, Mr. Cullen?" Bella turned around slowly so our chests were flush together.

I cocked her an eyebrow. You know the look - it's the one that told her I was a sure thing.

"Oh, I have something special planned for tonight." I kissed across her collarbone.

"Oooohh, I like surprises, tell me." I took Bella by the hand and led her from the en suite to our room, my lips on her the entire time.

"How about I show you instead?" I murmured between kisses. As Bella's knees hit the mattress, she sat down on the edge but not before I removed her panties. I settled myself on my knees in front of her and proceeded to work my tongue up her inner thighs to where she was already wet for me. Of course she was. God, how I loved that my name was falling off her lips as I made her come. In record time, I should add.

I rid Bella of her nightshirt and shed my clothes slowly as she watched with hooded eyes.

"My surprise is that I popped a little blue pill."

"You took a Viagra?"

"Uh huh, and I'm going to fuck you until morning."

The little groan that rumbled in her throat was so fucking sexy.

That night we did every position imaginable- and then some. Me on top. Her on top. Sideways. Backwards. Reverse cowgirl. We moved into the bathroom for counter, shower and bathroom floor sex.

Back in our room, we defiled the chair. And all four walls just because we could.

We tried things I'd only ever studied, I mean, researched. For my books, obviously. Believe me, I consulted with Google before I began so I wouldn't run out of positions.

The Passion Propeller. Carnal Crisscross. Pinwheel. The Hang Ten. And something called The Head Game that wasn't very comfortable for Bella but, damn, I friggin' loved it! I groaned into the arch of Bella's foot because that's the position we happened to be in. I'd explain it, but yeah, it's kind of complicated. Try Googling it though.

"Edward."

"Oh, Bella."

"Edward."

"Baby."

"Uh, Edward?"

Wait a sec, that didn't sound like the sexy purred 'Edward' I liked to hear my girl say. I stopped what I was doing, buried deep inside her.

"What's up, babe?"

"Are you, uh, close because I'm kind of getting sore."

"God, Bella, I'm so sorry! Yeah, how about you on the bottom – I'll be really gentle? Have you had enough – orgasms, I mean?"

Bella smiled at me as she nodded. "I'm more than satisfied." She shimmied up the bed and I made my way on top of her. With the nod of her head, which granted me permission I entered her, connecting us again. Knowing Bella was sore, I moved as carefully as possible. I thought every lustful thought I could. Remembered every piece of smut I'd ever read, and replayed my favorite porno scenes in my head. All in attempt to bring me to orgasm.

The minutes ticked on.

And on.

And on.

And I was nowhere closer to having my release.

In the end – and to clarify, not mine – Bella was wincing. Never a good look during sex. I brought out the lube but she was so sore it was in vain. She told me it was fine and to continue but honestly, I'd kind of lost my mojo. But not my erection.

We'd been fucking for close to two and a half hours and I was still rock solid. I thought staying power was a plus but right then I understood what 'too much of a good thing' meant. I was exhausted from the sheer effort that I'd put in, and frustrated – sexually and otherwise. Bella offered to finish me off orally but I told her I'd go have a shower so she could go to sleep.

You know exactly what I did in the shower, and it was to no avail. My dick actually _hurt_. I was rubbing it raw – and I wish I was kidding. Even still, I was so hard it friggin' hurt.

I wasn't going to be one of those guys who calls the medical nurses line with an embarrassing erection question. Why would I? I had Google as my ally.

Note to self: Google sucks ass.

Did you know there's actually something called Priapism in which an erection can last up to twelve hours and can lead to permanent damage?

I had to get rid of my raging boner STAT. There was no way I, Edward Cullen aka E.A. Masen, erotic novelist, could suffer permanent damage. You might as well cut off my right hand because I'd be useless.

Jumping back in the shower, I turned the water to freezing for as long as I could stand it. Unfortunately, it didn't help. I went down to the kitchen and bleached the counters. Washed the floors. Dusted. I alphabetized the canned goods. Pretty much did anything that was mundane and not arousing in the least.

And not a damn thing worked. At four thirty in the morning I called Carlisle's cell phone. If anyone could help me, my brother could. After all, he went to medical school. Surely, in all his years working the ER he'd encountered this a few times and could offer advice.

I was wrong. After he stopped laughing – asshole – he said all I could do was wait it out. Well, there was one suggestion he came up with but there was no way in hell I was going there.

Five-fifteen a.m. and hour six or so of Boner Town 2012 I was desperate. You know what they say – desperate times call for desperate measures. I chastised myself for even thinking of doing Carlisle's suggestion but honestly, I was close to tears because I was so uncomfortable. And please, don't repeat that.

Or the next part I'm going to tell you.

I locked myself in my office with my laptop and turned to Google. This time, instead of researching 'relief for lasting boners' I researched….God this is so fucking embarrassing. The only reason why I'm telling you this is so you can help your man if his own Viagra experiment goes awry.

Okay, I researched porn - more specifically: gay porn. And then I watched it. Twenty minutes of hardcore dick into … yeah, you catch my drift. I'll have you know, that worked like a charm to quell the demon in my pants. Thank fuck, because if that didn't work I didn't know what I was going to do. Perhaps I'd have to try my hand at writing slash. Wouldn't my readers be surprised...

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**There you have it, just my silly little outtake of Edward juiced up on V. ** **Thanks for reading xo **


	37. Epilogue 1

**My thanks to my readers for all the love, reviews and pimps. Gratitude to Lolo84 and Capricorn75 for making my words make sense. Love to you all!**

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**Epilogue 1 - Where do Jacob, Nessie, Madeline end up?**

**November 2013**

Thanksgiving was a quiet affair. Unfortunately, my mom was in hospital with pneumonia, so we spent the morning visiting her and then came home to have dinner with the McCarty's. Emmett and I extended our dining room table with two-by-fours and a sheet of plywood, which Bella cleverly hid under a linen tablecloth. Somehow, our two families, plus Vanessa and Madeline, all managed to squeeze into our dining room.

As tradition would have it, after we were uncomfortably full but somehow still able to have room for pumpkin pie, we converged in the living room. Once we were as comfortable as we could get – sitting on the floor, squished on the couch, or on someone's lap as were the case with Leah and Adam - we went around the room and said what we were thankful for.

The year before only one person had a turn - no one else got a chance to continue because chaos broke out. I still remembered how it all went down when Rosalie started us off.

"Well, I'm thankful for a certain phone call I received from Tanya Denali earlier this week."

My mouth literally hung open as Bella spoke for me.

"Pardon me?"

With a huge grin and a smile on her face, Rose nodded. "We're only in preliminary talks but the money on the table is certainly substantial."

There was no way she'd ever agree to the money Bella had essentially demanded. And yet, from across the room, Rose held up both hands and wiggled each of her fingers and both thumbs.

Ten. Million. Dollars.

No fucking way.

Bella was the first one who screamed, before she and Rose met in a jumping-up-and-down-squealing-like-little-girls hug. Truth be told, they did the hugging and I did the squealing. Pretty soon, we had a mosh pit in our living room as we all joined in. It took roughly twenty minutes for some level of normalcy to return. Then, we had to explain to Megan and Paul what was going on because they were still completely in the dark as to my identity. Yet another awkward moment when the two realized I wrote porn. Thankfully, Rosalie hushed them and explained what happened in her phone calls.

"She wants to turn 'Letters To My Love' into a movie. Matt Bomer is interested in playing the lead. He's read the book and loved it. The leading actress is still up for grabs. But both Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johannson are considering it. "

I thought it was Thanksgiving but the way time moved so swiftly maybe it was April Fool's Day. I mean Scarlett Johannson? Hello. She's on my list. You know what I'm talking about – the top five celebs you'd do naughty things with if there were no repercussions. Oh, don't give me that look Bella has her own list. Her list includes some guy from a teen movie who's younger than her own son. Now that's weird. Besides, at least my list isn't laminated like Ross from 'Friends'. Or was it Joey? Whatever.

Scarlett Johannson? Wow.

"Rosalie, are you fucking with me?"

For once, Bella didn't chastise my language.

"I swear to God, I'm not. Tanya wants you to write the screenplay, too, Edward."

Beside me, I felt Bella's back stiffen. I knew she was excited for me but obviously didn't want me working so close with 'the whore', as Tanya was not-so-affectionately referred to in our house. Rosalie set both our minds at ease.

"Don't either of you worry. My first order of business with Ms. Denali was letting her know there was no deal unless Bella could accompany you on any and all business trips and meetings."

"I take it she agreed?" Bella asked.

Rosalie grinned. "I don't know what you did to her, but even over the phone I could tell she was scared shitless of you. Yes, she agreed."

Life since then had been a whirlwind. The book I'd been writing was put on hold so I could adapt my novel for the big screen. Life got exponentially more complicated very quickly. Meetings every second day, and flights back and forth to L.A. to meet with people who knew more about writing screenplays than I did.

Even a year later, we were still a few months away from filming – the whole process taking so much longer than I ever thought. Life was busy, but it was a good kind of busy. And Bella was by my side through the whole thing. I loved that the book that was born after our first big marital fight was going to be the one that made it to the big screen. It was almost like things had come full circle for us.

We'd gotten a rather large advance on the millions but life hadn't changed all that much. We still lived in the house Bella and I had bought back in the mid 90's, the one our babies grew up in. We'd done some renovations and there were nicer cars sitting in the driveway, of course. We bought the houses on the beach in Oregon for our friends and ourselves, and still had enough money in the bank that I didn't bat an eye when I wrote a check for something.

More importantly, we were still Edward and Bella Cullen – madly in love and blessed with wonderful friends and family.

I looked around the room and realized no matter how much money I had, it was the people in the room that made me rich long before money ever had.

"What are you thankful for, Edward?" Bella reached for my hand as she smiled at me. Madeline, sitting on her lap, awaited my answer.

"My life and every one of you in it. It's been a crazy year but you guys have kept me grounded. I'm so thankful for each and every one of you."

From across the room, Emmett held his glass of Glenlivet in the air and gave me a head nod; I raised my own glass to him.

"How about you, Maddie? What are you thankful for?"

Shy Madeline had matured so much over the past year. She responded to Bella's question with a confident voice.

"My mom and Daddy-Jacob."

Since her dad had moved away, Madeline and Jacob had grown especially close. I could see my son's heart melt at her public declaration. I smoothed my hand over Maddie's head and smiled. She just fit into our family. Like Jake had once said, she and Nessie were the pieces we didn't know were missing. Although Jacob still lived at home, I suspected the day was coming when he'd announce he was moving in with his girls.

"I'm thankful for you, too, sweetheart." Jake winked at Madeline then paused for a minute. I saw him exhale a shaky breath yet I never suspected what was coming. He stood up and walked the few paces to where we were and got down on both his knees in front of Madeline. Nessie looked as confused as I felt.

"Madeline, do you know I love you?"

I saw the little girl roll her eyes, a la Charlotte. She told him 'yes' in a tone that made it sound like he'd asked the most ridiculous question ever.

"Good. Because I do. And I love your mom - a lot. I want to spend all my time with you two. For that to happen, I want to make it official. Would it be okay with you if I married your mom? Made the three of us a family?"

And I didn't think last year's Thanksgiving could be topped. Holy shit!

Madeline, however, looked ever thoughtful. "Can we get a kitten?"

Jacob laughed. "Absolutely."

Nessie quietly cleared her throat and shook her head 'no'. I had to stifle my laugh because he'd already fallen prey to the 'if-mom-says-no-you-ask-dad' trick. He'd learn.

Jake furrowed his brow.

"How about we talk about the kitten later?"

Miffed about the cat, the little girl folded her arms across her chest and scowled at Jake. I felt sorry for my son - this wasn't going quite as well as he'd planned. With a smirk on his face he produced a silver necklace from his pocket with a small ring dangling from it. Smart boy – he had a back up plan. When in doubt, jewelry always works; even on a four year old. Who knew?

Madeline grinned, charmed by the bling.

"I don't know about the kitten but I can promise to always be there for you and your mom. How does that sound?"

Maddie grinned and nodded. She hopped off Bella's lap and threw her arms around Jacob's neck. When they broke apart, she lifted up her hair and Jake fastened the necklace around her neck.

"Will you live with us?" Maddie wondered.

"Well, before that happens, there kind of needs to be a wedding. Let me go talk to your mom for a sec, okay?"

God, I loved that he was traditional and wanted to make Nessie his wife before he moved in. That son of mine never failed to surprise me.

Before Jake went to ask Nessie the all-important question, he placed a tender kiss on the little girl's forehead. Madeline came back to Bella and proudly showed off her new accessory.

"That's so pretty, Maddie."

"I know. You know what I'm excited about, Gramma?" I smiled when she called her that. It took a year but she was finally comfortable calling us Gramma and Grandpa.

"What's that, sweetheart?"

"That Mom, Jacob, and I can be a real family now."

Bella nodded and lifted the little girl back onto her lap, snuggling her close.

All eyes turned to Jacob who was on his knees in front of an already weeping Nessie. I could hear the nervousness in his gruff voice as he began is second proposal of the night.

"Baby, I love you. And I love your daughter as my own. Will you allow me the honor to join your family? Let me help you raise that amazing little girl? More importantly, will you make me the happiest man on the plant and let me call you my wife?"

Damn that boy was smooth. Just like his papa. I had to choke back the tears that threatened to spill.

Nessie managed to say something that sounded like a yes. As she got down on her knees, their lips met in a kiss. They only broke apart when Maddie chastised them.

"If you do that all the time, I change my mind."

Both Jake and Vanessa laughed and wiped away their tears as they welcomed their daughter into their hug. Soon the newly engaged couple was enveloped in hugs from us all.

"Let's see the ring!" Bella said excitedly.

"Oh, shit!" Jacob cursed as he fumbled through his pants pockets. Nessie laughed as he got back on his knees and slipped the diamond solitaire onto her finger.

As Bella and Nessie rocked and hugged again, I slapped Jacob on the back.

"Nicely done. And the ring, impressive."

Jake smiled. "I used the money I was saving up for a bike and bought a ring instead. I figured it was a better investment."

"It certainly is – a _lifetime _investment. You won't regret it, son. Best thing I ever did was marrying your mother."

A few weeks later, it was mid-December and the night of Vanessa's work Christmas party. They were going downtown for dinner, and she and Jacob had opted to get a hotel room for the night. Unfortunately, the sitter came down with food poisoning and being the boss of her own salon meant she couldn't bail even if her sitter did.

It was also Bella's Christmas party, so I offered to babysit Madeline for the night. Bella would be home later but for the majority of the night it was going to be Madeline and me. Honestly, I was looking forward to spending time with a little girl again.

Nessie and Jake were dressed in formal wear – a dark grey cocktail dress for her and a suit and tie for my son. God, he looked so mature and handsome. Can I say my kid is handsome? Well, he was. Takes after his dad, you know. Vanessa was lingering, still unsure if she should leave her daughter in my care.

"We'll be fine, won't we, Maddie?" I ruffled her hair and she looked up at me, annoyed that I'd dare touch the hair. Such a girl.

"Really, Vanessa, we'll have fun!" I reiterated.

Nessie got on her knees in front of her daughter, taking both hands in hers.

"Jacob and I are only going over night. I'll see you in the morning."

"Why can't I come?"

"It's my Christmas party with my employees and we're staying at a hotel. It's a special night for Mommy."

Maddie's lower lip stuck out in a pout I'd seen countless times from my own girls, Bella included.

"Don't worry, Madeline. I have a lot of fun stuff planned for us."

She looked at me with skepticism written all over her face.

"Do you know that Auntie Charlotte and Auntie Leah were my little girls once? I know all the fun things girls your age like to do." I was doing my best to be convincing but Maddie turned back to her mom.

"Please! Let me come with you."

Nessie sighed as she scooped her daughter up into her arms and gave her a big hug and peppered her face with kisses.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. Maybe another time."

"Where's my hug goodbye?" Jacob asked. Nessie transferred Maddie over to him, little arms wrapped tight around his neck as Vanessa gave me final instructions.

"I packed her some chicken, rice, and broccoli for dinner. She has to brush her teeth and wash her face before she gets to choose one story. Bedtime is seven-thirty. You have my cell number, and Jake's, right?"

"Nessie, relax. I've done this before. I know how it works. You kids go; have a great time. We'll see you tomorrow."

Jacob set Maddie's feet on the floor and thanked me as he and Vanessa left while Madeline and I waved goodbye from the front door. We closed the door and turned around in time to watch Bella come down the stairs, her flowing turquoise dress clinging to her hips.

"Wow!"

I smiled at Maddie's description of my wife.

"'Wow' is right! I don't think I should let you go out looking like that. Maybe I should keep you home with me." Bella walked into my arms and our lips met in a kiss.

"Eeeewwww."

I chuckled as we parted ways. "Sorry, Maddie."

"Mom and Jake do that a lot, too. Gross!"

"A lot, huh?" I wriggled my eyebrows. Bella jabbed her elbow into my stomach.

"You sure you two will be okay?" Bella asked, as Alice and Jasper arrived at the door to pick her up. Since I couldn't be her date, she was the third wheel for the Whitlocks.

"Why does everyone keep asking that? Yes! We'll be fine!"

I was insulted. Hadn't I raise three kids fairly successfully? I realize Bella was there to help me but there were times when I'd been left alone with the kids and did well enough. Sure, I'd lost my cool once in a while. Yeah, sometimes I'd said things that weren't exactly appropriate. Okay, perhaps writing porn for a living wasn't a shining example of a father. But I loved my kids and my intentions were always good, even if they didn't come across that way.

After about ten minutes of Bella hemming and hawing, Maddie and I were finally alone.

"You hungry?"

Maddie nodded. "But I don't like what Mom made."

"What? A little girl that doesn't like chicken, rice, and broccoli?" I teased with a wink. "I thought we could have McDonald's, instead."

Madeline started jumping up and down while chanting 'McDonald's!' over and over again. I felt like the best pseudo Grandpa ever.

After cheeseburgers, super sized fries, Cokes, and ice cream to top it off, we returned home. There we painted each other's nails. Sadly, my toes looked better than Madeline's - she had a steadier hand. After her bubble bath in our over-sized tub, I put on the girliest movie I could find on NetFlix - _The Twelve Dancing Princesses._ We set up camp in the living room with popcorn, chips, gummy worms, and ice waters. And maybe a few marshmallows, too.

I admit I may have been a little rusty at parenting little people. I'd forgotten just how hyped up kids get on pop and ice cream. And popcorn, chips, and gummy worms. And those ten or so marshmallows may have contributed as well.

By the time the movie ended at eight forty-five, Maddie was bouncing off the walls. And then the phone rang. I should have suspected Nessie would check in on us. I tried in vain to shush Maddie so her mom wouldn't know that she was still up.

"How was your night? Did Maddie go to bed okay?"

_Not exactly. Currently, she was jumping from the coffee table onto the couch. _

"Oh, yeah, no problem."

"Did she give you grief about dinner?"

"No, she ate every single bite."

_And she did – those French fries didn't stand a chance._

"What was that?"

_Your daughter singing and pretending she's a dancing princess._

"Just a movie. I'm watching 'Mamma Mia'." A totally believable lie.

"Okay, I'll check in again later. Thanks, again, for looking after her, Edward. I really appreciate it."

"No problem." I hung up quickly before Maddie could rat me out.

"Alright, kiddo. We have to get you into bed."

"I hate bedtime."

"I know, but it's already way past your bedtime. Let's go brush your teeth."

Surprisingly, she followed me upstairs, changed into her pj's, brushed her teeth, and washed her face on her own. She climbed into Jacob's bed and we snuggled down with not one, not two, but three books. I tried to skip pages but she knew the stories by heart, so I couldn't get away with that trick like I had with my kids. Apparently I had dumb kids, because they fell for that every time.

After the final book, I tucked the blankets around Madeline and kissed her forehead.

"Goodnight, sweetheart."

"'Night."

I walked downstairs and was quite impressed with myself, and Madeline, for an easy bedtime.

I spoke too soon.

"Grand-pa!"

The little sing-songy voice summoned me before I'd made it to the living room.

"Yes, Maddie?"

"Daddy-Jacob's bed smells funny."

I snorted to myself because it probably did and made my way back upstairs.

"Do you want to sleep in Auntie Leah's bed?"

Her big grin told me 'yes'. We moved her pillow, favorite blankies and teddy bear over to Leah's old room. She quickly settled under the covers and we bid each other goodnight.

I made it as far as the first floor landing.

"Grandpa!"

I smiled to myself. This was all too familiar bringing me back to the days when my own kids were young and tried every excuse possible to not have to go to sleep.

"Yes, Madeline?"

"This bed's lumpy."

"It's fine. Go to sleep, sweetheart."

"No, it's really lumpy!"

I climbed back up the stairs. "Do you want to sleep in Auntie Charlotte's bed?"

Char was out with Paul, expected home in a few hours but by then, Maddie would have passed out (hopefully) and I could move her over to Leah's room.

"Yes, Auntie Charlotte's bed!"

We repeated the move. She was tucked back in with hugs, kisses and well wishes. I waited in the hallway for a few minutes – out of sheer laziness– but all was quiet.

I settled myself on the couch with a beer and Top Gear on the tube. Right when I put my feet up on the coffee table, Maddie called for me again.

"Grandpa!"

Maybe if I ignored her she'd go to sleep. Yeah, right – I wasn't that out of practice.

"Grand-pa!"

I made my way to the bottom of the stairs where Madeline was waiting for me on the top landing. Had it been one of my kids, I would have scolded them for being out of bed but I couldn't resist the little cutie. Standing there in her bare feet, skinny little legs and skinned knees poking out from under her pink nightie. She casually played with the ends of her hair. And then she tilted her head, lifted one shoulder and gave me that sweet, little smile.

"What's up?"

"May I have a drink of water, please?"

Had four year old Leah, Jake or Charlotte been asking, the answer would've been a firm 'no' with orders to go immediately back to bed. Madeline could have asked for a beer and I probably would have brought it to her on a tray with a napkin.

"Of course, sweetheart."

I went into the kitchen and her little voice called out again.

"On ice."

Seriously? 'On ice'? She cracked me up. I brought the water, on ice as requested, up to Charlotte's room. Maddie took a few sips then set the glass down on the nightstand.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome but you really have to go to sleep now." I patted her head and left. Again.

"Wait, Grandpa!"

I had only gone down about four steps. "Yes?"

"Can you tuck my blankets in again? I'm not comfy."

I walked back in the room and tucked her back in. For good measure, I fluffed her pillow and tucked in bear, too. Maddie looked at me like I was nuts.

"She doesn't like to be tucked in. Silly Grandpa."

"Sorry! Now, little Miss, before I go, do you need anything else?"

"No."

"Are you hot or cold?"

"No."

"Do you want more water?"

"No, thank you."

"So, you'll go to sleep now?"

"Uh huh. I just need one thing."

"What's that?"

"A kiss."

I smiled. "That I can do."

I planted a kiss on her forehead –careful not to make it too wet.

"All good?"

Maddie batted her eyelashes and nodded.

That time, I actually got to sit back down on the couch, albeit briefly.

"Grandpa! I forgot to tell you something!"

"It's bedtime honey, tell me in the morning, okay?"

"But it's really, really, really important."

I doubted it was as important as me sitting on my ass, drinking a beer.

"What is it?"

"I have to tell you to your face, Grandpa."

Once again, I was a sucker and I made my way back up those sixteen stairs and into Charlotte's room. I stood in the doorway with my arms folded across my chest.

"What did you have to tell me that was really, really, really important?"

"I love you."

Did you hear that? That was my heart bursting out of my chest. Those three little words said in an angelic voice rivaled hearing it from my own children. I sat down on the edge of the bed and ran the back of my hand down the side of Madeline's cheek.

"I love you too, baby girl."

Maddie looked totally insulted. "I'm not a baby."

"Sorry, no you're not. It's something I used to call Leah and Charlotte."

"But they're grown ups." Maddie wrinkled her nose. I knew it was hard for a four-year old to comprehend that 'old people' were young, once upon a time.

"A long time ago, they were little like you. And they were my baby girls. Now, it's really late. Do you know that it's almost my bedtime? You go to sleep, okay?"

"Okay."

By the time I got to the doorway, I was asked to turn on the hall-light, and could I please find her favorite blanket. Before I went downstairs, I used the bathroom and when I came out, Madeline was standing right outside the door.

"Maddie." I tried not to sound annoyed and hid my smirk. "What are you doing out of bed?"

"You didn't do prayers with me. Daddy-Jacob always does prayers with me."

"He does?"

Of course he does, he was probably trying to avoid going to hell for something or another.

Maddie nodded. Well, shit. I couldn't remember the last time I prayed. And I don't think calling out 'Oh, God!' in the middle of sex counted. If it did, well then I prayed regularly, just sayin'.

I walked her back to her room, tucking her back in for the umpteenth time. Scratching my head, I racked my brain trying to remember the bedtime prayers Bella had insisted the kids say, so many decades before.

"Now I lay—"

"You have to fold your hands and close your eyes, Grandpa."

"Right, I knew that."

I folded my hands and closed my eyes as instructed.

"Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake—"

"I don't want to die!" Maddie's eyes were huge and her voice shaky.

Awesome, I totally scared the shit out of her. Way to go, Edward.

"Crap. Why don't you say the prayers Jacob does with you?"

"Now the light has gone away, Jesus, listen while I pray. Asking you to watch and keep, and to send me to quiet sleep. Amen."

"Amen. We're all good?"

"I think so."

"Excellent. No more getting out of bed."

"What if I have to go to the bathroom?"

"Do you have to go to the bathroom?"

"Not right now, but I might."

"You may go to the bathroom but no more talking. Promise?"

Maddie pretended to zip her lips; I zipped mine and finally got back down to the living room. Two sips into my beer and I heard a pathetic cry of my name from upstairs, followed by sniffles and then sobs. You know I'm a real sucker for tears and took the stairs two at a time.

"Maddie, what's wrong?"

"I…don't….want….to…DIE!"

As the sobs broke from her chest, I gathered her up into my arms.

"Ssshhh, sweetie. No one's going to die."

"But you said—"

"Grandpa's a dumbass."

"You said a bad word!"

I scratched my head.

"I'll read you another story if you don't tell your mom."

"Deal. But am I going to die?"

"No. Besides, I'm going to die way before you."

"I don't want you to die!"

Fucking shut up, Cullen!

"How would you like to sleep in Grandpa's bed?"

Wait. That was probably wrong.

"Uh, I mean, how would you like to have a sleep over in the living room with me? I'll build us a fort?"

Madeline wiped away her tears and nodded. It's funny how with my own kids, I would have probably yelled at them to just go (the fuck) to sleep already. But Madeline – technically not even my grandchild – had me wrapped around her finger.

We gathered all the required materials along with her special things and she padded behind me back to the living room. Edward Cullen is many things, and master fort builder is high on the list of my accomplishments. Using the broom, couch cushions, and several blankets, our fort was kick ass. I turned off the TV and got into the tent with Madeline, crawling under the blankets with her - fully dressed because I didn't think sleeping in my usual attire would be appropriate.

I curled up on my left side; Madeline snuggled next to me. Her warm little body tucked up against me, head under my chin, feet sandwiched between my legs. She snaked her arm around my neck and I smiled at the gesture. As we cuddled, I felt Madeline's breathing slow and within minutes I knew she was asleep. At that point, I probably could have snuck out of the tent, watched my show and drank a beer or two.

I didn't.

How many times had my girls asked for an extra snuggle that I denied because I was too busy or wanted down time? The one thing I've learned is that years get away from you. Suddenly, your baby doesn't want that title anymore and they don't want to snuggle with you - or even be seen with you.

I couldn't deny her or myself that moment. Instead, I snuggled that little girl closer, relishing in the sweetness of the moment. With my nose buried in her hair and a smile on my lips, I fell fast asleep.

A week after Jake's twenty-first birthday, he and Nessie were married in a quiet ceremony in my parent's backyard. I had visions of my wedding to Bella every step of the way. To say I was a blubbering idiot the whole day was totally accurate.

The first week of their honeymoon was spent in Cabo San Lucas – the two of them alone. Madeline stayed with us, and Bella and I had a blast entertaining her, although I think I fell asleep before her every night.

The newlyweds flew home, and then the three of them went to DisneyWorld for the second week of their honeymoon.

Almost exactly nine months later - because apparently they had a sex-filled honeymoon; way to go, Son - six pound, four ounce Avery Isabella was born. She looked exactly like Vanessa but had a fiery streak she inherited from her father. You have no idea how many times I laughed over Jake's desperate phone calls to us about how much and how loud the kid could cry. Yes, Son, payback is a bitch. And I enjoyed the fact that my son was raising two little girls immensely. I couldn't wait to see what the future would hold for them.

The success of 'Letters to My Love' on the big screen spurred another two books being readied for film. With all our success, Bella and I bought Jake, Nessie, Maddie, and Avery their first home – four blocks away from ours. One of the conditions of us paying was that they had to live close. I don't think they minded.

Eventually, Jacob opened his own repair shop – as he'd always wanted – and was highly successful. He did it all on his own merit, not with my help. I was a very proud father and grandfather indeed.

* * *

**I'd love to know your thoughts on this first epilogue. Charlotte's is next. **

** I hope you liked that Edward and Bella are rich but still grounded. **

**And, of course, Jacob and Nessie live happily ever after and he gets the joy of raising girls. I wonder how he'll handle some of issues Edward had to face. I'm already laughing just thinking about it!**

Thank you for reading. Until next time!


	38. Prom Outtake

**Just a short little outtake. Charlotte's epi will come tomorrow. Many thanks for Capricorn75 for her help, once again. xo**

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**Prom**

I was in my own personal hell. Stuck in a dressing room watching my daughter try on dress after dress, hoping to find the perfect one for her senior prom. When she emerged from the dressing room, I only had one word for her.

"No."

Charlotte growled. "Dad! You didn't even look up."

I tore my eyes away from my iPhone and made the effort to look up.

"No."

"What's wrong with this one?"

"There's a cut in the side—"

"It's called a slit."

I shuddered. You know you've been a porn writer for far too long when the word conjures up rude images in your head.

"Hello? Did you hear what I said? It's not a 'cut', it's a slit."

That's what it's leading to, I thought to myself.

"Well, that slit—" God, that was weird to say out loud in front of my daughter – "goes to mid thigh."

"It's a leg. Oooh. Big flippin' deal."

"The leg is connected to other, more private, parts and with it open, it's not much of a challenge for your date, now is it?"

"My date is Paul, and I think he's seen more than just my leg, just sayin'."

I held my hand up. I liked having an open relationship with my daughter but there was an imaginary line I didn't want her to cross.

"Please, don't go there. Next dress."

Charlotte smirked before she disappeared into the dressing room. She enjoyed teasing me far too much. Emerging a few minutes later, she wore yet another dress I didn't approve of. That time, I merely shook my head wordlessly.

"What's the problem now?" She looked down over the peach-hued dress.

Should I tell her? The kid was all about honesty so I went for it.

"I can see your nipples."

"Daddy!"

She quickly covered up as I shrugged a shoulder.

"Well, I can. Both of them. Clearly."

And like that, she was onto the next dress; one that looked to have potential.

Char stepped out the changing room and looked expectantly at me.

"See, now that's nice." Although her arms were bare, the dress went all the way up to her neck and the navy material flowed down to the floor. "Turn around."

Charlotte spun around slowly and I changed my mind.

"Yeah, no."

"Now what?"

"Did you notice there's no back? As in it's backless? As in I can see your ass crack. Not. Going. To. Happen."

"Why did I ask you to come again?"

"Because you want me to pay for your dress which means I get final say."

I stuck my tongue out because I'm so mature. Charlotte huffed and grabbed the next dress. It was strapless – I already knew what my answer would be but I let her try it on anyways.

As she came out of the changing room I didn't look up from the email I was responding to.

"Nope."

"Dad! You have to look before you say no."

Still with my fingers poised on the keys I responded. "It's strapless. And—"

I looked up and before me was an absolutely stunning girl, correction, young woman. The dress was emerald green and although it was strapless, it fully covered her breasts, thank God. It was fitted to her waist, than flared from her down to the floor. She looked…well, she looked beautiful.

"Turn for me."

Charlotte smiled as she slowly twirled around. I smiled back at her.

"I think we found our dress." I announced, excited that I could finally go home. "How much is it?"

Char looked at the price tag. "Three hundred and sixty-eight dollars."

I choked. "What?!"

"The backless one is only two hundred and the one with the leg slit is even cheaper."

"Three hundred and sixty-eight, you said?"

I sighed as Charlotte went to change and I bought the dress that was going to make her feel like a princess for the night. Even if it was stupid expensive, it was worth it because she'd finally feel as beautiful as she looked.

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**Self pimp:  
I wrote a little one shot for the Public Lovin' contest (link under my profile). A little Edward and Bella smut. Note: it's not this E&B but I hope you'll check it out and leave a review xoxo See you tomorrow for Charlotte's epi.**


	39. Epilogue 2

**Many thanks to Lolo84 for pre-reading and Capricorn75 for beta-ing. Thanks to all my amazing, wonderful, sweet, funny, sexy readers for all your love, support and reviews. I love you girls! **

**Read on to find out what's in Charlotte's future.**

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**Epilogue 2**

**2015**

It was a Friday morning and Bella was at work. Yes, she continued to work even though we didn't need the money. She said she'd miss the kids too much if she quit. Truthfully, I think she needed a little time away from me. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but imagine spending 24/7 with Edward Cullen. I know it sounds fabulous, but I'm sure there's only so much of me one can take.

In between writing my screenplays– and how super cool was that? -I was still writing novels. No matter how hard I tried, there were characters inside me that were always begging to come out and play. Usually with each other, heh heh.

In general, life for us was pretty normal - a term I use loosely because you and I both know, my life is far from normal. I wrote the screenplays under my own name but because they were adaptations of E.A. Masen's books, I wasn't the genius, the elusive author still was. I did, however, get to benefit from the money that came in. Life was sailing along perfectly which worried me - it meant a hiccup was just around the bend. But this particular Friday started out as per usual.

Charlotte didn't have class until noon on Fridays, so we'd often have a leisurely breakfast together. I admit, it was strange having only her living at home but I'd accepted it; gotten used to it even. The house wasn't as eerily quiet as I'd thought it would be, but having Avery and Madeline over often helped with that. God, I loved those two kids. It's pretty awesome to love them, spoil them, and return them back to mom and dad when they're all hopped up on sugar. Heh, heh.

As Char made us a pot of coffee, I started on the sausages and scrambled eggs. My daughter brought me a steaming mug of caffeine then perched herself up on the counter watching me cook as we chatted. She was in her second year of University with plans on becoming a Pediatric Nurse. Her experience with Rosalie and Ethan had stuck with her.

Damn it, it'd stuck with me, too, in the form of nightmares. Ick.

Charlotte and Paul had broken up almost two months before, an amicable separation and the two remained good friends. It happened while Bella and I were on a business trip to L.A. We came home and she informed us they'd broken up. There were no tears (at least from her) and life carried on. I think perhaps full time school for her, plus volunteering at the hospital, combined with full time work at Jake's shop for Paul contributed to them spending less and less time together. The one thing I know, without a doubt, is that relationships take a lot of effort, and sometimes other things, such as work and school, have to take priority.

"How was the hospital last night?" I asked, as we sat down to eat.

"Awesome. I got to give a newborn a bath. So cute." Charlotte took a bite of her sausage and chewed thoughtfully. I saw her make a face then look down at her plate to study the sausage.

"What's wrong?"

"The meat tastes off. Are you sure you cooked it all the way through?"

"Yeah, mine tastes fine." To prove my point, I had another bite and Charlotte followed suit.

Before I even swallowed, she made a beeline to the kitchen sink and was retching into it. I pushed my plate away – apparently I was done.

Char came and sat down beside me looking positively green. Not the best color for her.

"You okay, kiddo? You have the flu?" Bella had just gotten over it a few days before. Charlotte shrugged.

"I don't know but I've thrown up the last few mornings. I'm fine a few hours later."

Something about that sounded very familiar.

"Uh, Charlotte? Could you be …"

No, she couldn't be. Correction – she sure as fuck better not be.

"Could I be what?"

"Pregnant?"

"Pppfff, no!"

Thank God. I'd hate to have to kill her. I'd grown rather attached to her over the past twenty years. Then I saw her face as she looked to be calculating something in her head. Her eyes met mine and held them in a worried stare.

"Do you think you could drive me to the drug store?"

With a nod of my head, I got up leaving our dishes where they were. We drove the five, long blocks to _Fred Myer_ in silence. I promised myself I wouldn't yell at her … yet. I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel as I clenched my jaw and kept my eyes on the road. I told you that life was sailing along perfectly - too perfectly. Damn it.

At the store, we made our way to the family planning aisle together, looking at the many different brands of pregnancy tests.

"What do you think?" Charlotte asked me quietly, as I read the back of a box.

"I don't know. Probably better to get one that says 'pregnant' 'not pregnant' so we know for sure, ya know?" Char nodded.

I grabbed two Clearblue Easy and she grabbed two First Response. For good luck, or wishful thinking, I grabbed a box of tampons from the next aisle and paid for it all with my credit card because I didn't have enough cash on me. Pregnancy tests are friggin expensive!

Back at home, Charlotte took the plastic bag with the answer to our question and went into the downstairs bathroom. I swear it took her twenty minutes to pee; I must have paced a hole in the floor while impatiently waiting. When the bathroom door opened, the look on her face told me nothing.

"Well?" I demanded.

She shook her head no. I thanked God until she clarified what she meant.

"I couldn't look. They're lined up on the counter. I took them all."

As I brushed past Charlotte I caught a glimpse of her. There was a look of panic on her face but more than anything I could tell she was scared shitless. I stopped in the doorway, turned and went back to my daughter. She avoided my eyes and looked down at her feet. With my hand under her chin, I lifted her face to look at me.

"Hey. No matter what, we'll get through this together. I promise, okay?"

As she nodded the tears spilled down her cheeks and I wiped a few of them away with my thumbs. I had a feeling Charlotte already knew the answer but I went to find out for sure.

Neatly lined up on the counter were four pregnancy tests and the unopened box of tampons.

Pregnant.

Pregnant.

Pregnant.

Pregnant.

Four tests all positive. I rubbed my eyes, for once wishing my vision was failing me but no such luck. Fuck. My hands dropped to the counter as I leaned over and stared at the results. My 20-year old, unmarried daughter was pregnant. Fucking pregnant.

What the hell was I supposed to do now? Rationally, I knew I should stay calm but I really wanted to punch a hole in the wall. For fuck's sake, what the hell was the purpose of our awkward sex talks all those years ago? Remember the vein in my forehead? I'm fairly certain it was about to explode. More hair follicles were turning grey as the seconds ticked by. Staring at the tests, I hoped and prayed the results would magically change if I glared at them. No such luck.

What the hell was I going to do?

It took me a few minutes until I realized that this was more about Charlotte – what was _she_ going to do? I had a daughter who needed me to get my shit together.

I walked out of the bathroom, turning off the light on the way out.

"It's positive, isn't it?"

"Yep. Four for four. At least you're consistent."

"Fuck."

"Yeah, that's what did it. Sorry." I was quick to apologize for my lack of filter. "Let's go sit down so we can talk. Can I get you anything? Water? Tea?"

Charlotte merely shook her head as I led her to the living room and we sat side-by-side on the couch. She tucked her legs underneath her; subconsciously her hand rested on her stomach.

I scratched my head unsure of where or how I should start the questioning.

"Fuck, Charlotte. You're pregnant."

That probably wasn't the best way to start us off.

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious, Dad." My daughter glared at me and honestly, it pissed me off.

"I thought the obvious was to use protection," I spat back at her.

Immediately, Charlotte got up to leave. "I can't do this if this is how you're going to talk to me."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and told her not to go. "Sit down. Sorry, this isn't what I thought I'd be doing today and I'm, shit, I'm in shock, I guess. Give me a minute, okay? We really need to talk about this."

She did sit back down, leaving space between us. The air in the room felt stale and I wanted to open a window, but I was rooted to where I was.

"I need some questions answered; please be honest with me. We're both adults here."

Char nodded and I continued.

"Is Paul…?" I felt stupid asking but I had to know one way or the other.

"He's the only one I've ever been with, so yes, Paul's the father." I was thankful she answered me without snark in her voice because I'm pretty sure I would have lost my shit then for sure.

I guess that was good that Paul was the father and it wasn't some random guy. Though it was unfortunate that I'd have to kill my best friend's son.

"I don't mean to sound like a nagging dad right now but what the hell were you thinking? I'm assuming you had sex without a condom?"

I sort of hoped she'd tell me they did but it failed - something so I knew they weren't stupid. Unfortunately, it was stupidity that got her into this mess.

"I guess we weren't thinking."

"Fuck, Charlotte. Sex without protection? Do you know what happens if —"

My daughter looked at me blankly, clearly not amused. For once, I wasn't trying to be funny.

"Never mind, I guess you know now. When did this happen?"

Shoulders shrugged before she answered. "I figure it was the weekend we broke up. When you and mom were in LA again."

Was that a dig? Was she trying to say if Bella and I had been home this wouldn't have happened? Yeah, we'd been busy lately but such was life for us now. And I thought our kids were adults who didn't need a babysitter. I was about to tell her as much but instead I ran my fingers through my hair and blew out a breath of air that felt rancid in my lungs, a desperate attempt to calm myself down.

Charlotte reached over and squeezed my hand, a gesture that made me feel marginally better.

"Dad, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make this your fault in any way. Paul and I should have known better."

"Yes, you should have. What happened?" I noticed my tone was still curt. The last thing I wanted to do was make her upset and leave; have her feeling like I'd abandoned her. I'd told her we were in this together and I needed to stand by my word, as hard as it was.

"Sorry, Char, I'm only trying to understand."

And I was, I really was but sex without a condom was so fucking stupid and they knew better!

"Honestly, we never thought anything of it. We had some wine, decided it was best to break up and one thing led to another. It was our final goodbye to one another. To the love we once shared."

My hands scrubbed over my face. Ironic that saying goodbye to one love created another. I half wondered if I should mention that she was under-aged and drinking but wisely, kept my mouth shut.

"What are you doing to do?"

"I need to talk to Paul but ultimately, it is my decision." She gave me a look, almost daring me to disagree.

"Yes, it is," I told her with a heavy sigh. I knew my daughter; knew how she felt on certain issues.

We sat in strained silence. Charlotte twisted a silver bracelet around her wrist and didn't look at me.

"I'm so scared, Dad."

"I know, baby. I'm scared for you. But your mom and I will support whatever you decide to do. Come here."

Charlotte snuggled up to me, her head on my chest, under my chin. I felt her sobs rack her body, shaking against me. I wished I could tell her everything was going to be fine but I didn't know what the future held.

In that moment, I wished for the simple problems that I could fix with a hug and a kiss. I felt helpless as she cried in my arms. All I could do was hold her and let her cry as I shed my own tears with her.

She skipped classes that day. I made us some tea and she managed to eat some toast for lunch as well. Charlotte worked up the courage to call Paul and he agreed to meet her at three o'clock at a local café. She told me she was going out for a while before then to clear her head.

When Bella came home, I hadn't moved from my position on the couch, still in shock.

"Edward?" My wife's voice broke through the fog I was in. "Are you okay?" Her hand came to rest on my shoulder before she sat down beside me.

"Honestly, I don't know. Bella, please try not to freak out—"

"That's never a good way to start a conversation."

I exhaled as I debated how I should tell her the news. I decided the direct method was better than beating around the bush. This was almost as serious as when I had to tell her I had Lyme disease.

"Charlotte's pregnant."

Silence.

Well, at least she wasn't yelling.

A quiet voice answered me. "What did you say?"

"Charlotte's pregnant. Knocked up. With child." I gestured with my hand to my belly leaving no doubt.

"You'd better be kidding, Cullen."

"Afraid not."

"Oh my God. Pregnant? Paul got her fucking pregnant?"

"No, Charlotte and Paul not using protection got her pregnant. It's not just the guy's responsibility anymore."

"Since when do you defend Paul?"

"Since it takes two to tango."

Bella cocked me an eyebrow.

"It also helps that I've had most of the day to come to the conclusion that Charlotte was just as capable of buying condoms as Paul was."

I'd learned a lot from the piece of humble pie I'd choked down that summer years ago.

Bella and I talked about how it wasn't a good thing, no shit, but whatever she decided we'd support her.

"Where is she?"

"Out with Paul. She should be home soon."

As I spoke, we heard the front door open. Together, Paul and Charlotte entered the living room. Paul looked nervous and I wondered if it was because of the news or because he had to face me and Bella. A part of me hoped it was more so because he had to face us.

I have to admit, I was pleased that he came right up to me and extended his hand, offering it more out of respect than hello. Charlotte hung back, her eyes downcast and refused to look at either of us. It wasn't defiance. I could tell she felt like she'd disappointed us and couldn't look us – Bella more specifically – in the eye.

Silently, we took our seats. Bella and I faced Charlotte and Paul, who spoke first.

"I don't really know what I should say for myself right now. I'm sorry certainly isn't enough."

I reiterated what I'd said to Bella. "Paul, you and Charlotte both made the decision to have sex without protection. She's just as much to blame right now as you are."

"Uh. Wow. Sorry, I was expecting you to kick my ass."

"Believe me, in my imagination, I have." Over and over again.

"Well, I feel responsible. I want you to know that I'm going to support Char in this."

"There was no doubt you would, Paul," I told him. Because if he didn't I wouldn't hesitate to kick his ass.

"Charlotte, I haven't heard from you. What are your thoughts right now?"

For the first time, the mother and daughter's eyes met as Bella asked the question. Charlotte answered in a timid voice.

"I'm scared and freaking out. I feel stupid we let this happen. And, and …I want to keep the baby."

I knew that.

"What about school?" Bella asked.

"Well, I figure the baby isn't due until June so I can finish off this year, take the summer off and see what happens next September. It may take me longer to get where I want to be but life throws you curve balls sometimes."

Bella snorted quietly. "That it does."

"Are you two going to get married?"

"Dad!"

What? Was that such an unreasonable question? She was pregnant.

It was Paul who answered, first with a shrug then an explanation.

"We didn't break up because we didn't love each other. We broke up because Charlotte wanted to focus on school more than a relationship. I still care about her; I still love her. Is it a love we could build a marriage on? I think so."

For the first time, I realized that perhaps it hadn't been a joint decision to split up. The look on Paul's face was pained and I could see he was still madly in love with my daughter.

"Paul." Charlotte stopped him and shook her head at him once. I could tell it wasn't a conversation she didn't particularly want to have in front of us. "I don't know what we're going to do right now. We obviously need some time to figure things out but we're not going to get married just because I'm pregnant."

"You're not?" Yeah, I'm a dumbass. A traditionalist, but still a dumbass.

"No, Dad, we're not. And Paul, I love you, too. I really do. Please don't doubt that. I felt like you wanted more from me than I was able to give you. I didn't feel like I deserved the love and attention you were always giving me."

"How can you even say that? You aren't unworthy of my love, Charlotte. God, I love you so much. I let you break up with me because I never wanted you to feel suffocated, but that doesn't mean I stopped loving you. In fact, not being with you has made me love you all the more. Can't you see that? You're everything to me."

Bella and I sat silent as the kids had a very real heart to heart in front of us.

"I'm sorry, I felt like you loved me more than I should be loved. I know that sounds stupid, but it's true."

Paul pressed his palm against Charlotte's cheek. "And I feel like I can't love you enough. This baby." His hand traveled down to her stomach. "It's like God's way of saying we should be together."

"Or maybe it's God's way of saying 'Hey, dumbasses, I invented condoms for a reason.' Oof!" Bella's elbow jabbed me hard in the stomach.

"We're going to go into the kitchen and let you kids talk." Bella yanked me to my feet and out of the living room. It felt like hours later when I finally heard the front door close and Charlotte came into the kitchen. She was clearly drained – emotionally and physically.

Bella got up first and reached out to her – their first contact since the news broke. Charlotte fell into her arms and they stood rocking and hugging. Mother to mother. Charlotte was facing me. Her eyes were closed and tears made a steady stream down her cheeks making Bella's shirt wet.

As much as I wanted to be a part of the moment I also didn't want to intrude. I sat where I was scrubbing my hands over the stubble that had sprouted since the morning.

Bella pulled away from Charlotte, resting her hands on the sides of her face. They spoke volumes with only their eyes. Then Bella nodded and Char mimicked her before they took a seat, hands clutching each other's.

"Did you two resolve anything?" Bella asked.

"We established that we still love one another. And we're committed to raising this baby together – be it married or not. Who knows, Uncle Emmett may kill him when he finds out."

"Very true."

Paul very well could be a dead man. While barricaded in the kitchen, Emmett had called my cell. Now Em is usually an even-keeled and happy-go-lucky sort of man. Until his son knocks up his girlfriend. I thought I had a pretty superfluous repertoire of curse words but hearing my best friend go off, I felt inadequate.

"Have you talked to Uncle Emmett?"

"Talked – no. Listen to him go off on a tirade – yes."

"He's pretty pissed, I take it."

I snorted. "You could say so, yes. You should get married now so at least you can live off Paul's life insurance policy."

"Great idea, thanks, Dad."

"What happened with you two in there? I tried listening but Mom wouldn't let me."

For the first time, Charlotte smiled. "I admitted I still love him but like I said, I felt like he loved me too much."

"There's no such thing as loving too much. This baby will show you that." Bella explained.

"I think maybe I got scared and broke it off so I wouldn't get hurt, you know? Hurt him before he hurt me. Paul was talking marriage and it freaked me out."

Yes, I was about to start singing 'Love Hurts' but refrained. See, I could be serious when I needed to be.

The next week, we got Charlotte in to see an OBGYN. Ultrasound confirmed she was eight weeks pregnant. Her pregnancy progressed without complications – even her morning sickness subsided quickly. She continued with her classes and even with swollen feet, she maintained her volunteer hours at the hospital. Such a trooper. She gets that from me.

Having months to get used to the idea of a baby certainly helped quell the anger and uncertainty that we'd all felt. Charlotte still lived at home while she continued with her studies, and her relationship with Paul really matured through the process.

One morning in June, Charlotte's contractions started. I'd like to tell you I kept it together, better than when Rosalie went into labor at my house, but yeah that wasn't the case. Char was cool as a cucumber while I freaked out. Bella banned me to my office while she and Paul stayed with her.

When the contractions were five minutes apart I got ready to drive her.

"Uh, Dad? Paul's going to bring me to the hospital. I hope that's okay."

"Oh, yeah, of course. Sure," I muttered and sounded like an idiot. It never occurred to me that she wouldn't want me to bring her. I admit, it stung a little.

"I'm sorry."

"No, no. It's fine."

"You, Mom, and everyone can come to the hospital, but Paul and I want it to be only us in the delivery room."

"Totally fine with me! I certainly don't need to see your … yeah that's fine, honey. We'll meet you there."

It was a long ordeal but two Red Bulls kept me going late into the night. FYI: Edward Cullen on Red Bull is like drunk and medicated Edward put together – not exactly pretty. Bella told a few passers-by that I was on day pass from the psych ward. Pretty sure they didn't doubt her.

Finally, Paul came out into the hallway to give us the good news. The grin on his face was priceless.

"The baby's here! Blaze Griffin McCarty."

"Pardon?" Was the only word that came out of my mouth as everyone else was excitedly jumping up and down. Did they even know if they were ecstatic for a boy or a girl? Because with a name like 'Blaze' I had no friggin clue. I scratched my head.

"Does Blaze have a penis?"

Paul laughed. "Yes, he has a penis."

"So, it's a boy?"

"Yes, you have a grandson."

"Named Blaze?"

Paul gently took Bella and I aside, talking in a low voice. "Okay, listen. It wasn't my first choice but Char had just pushed a baby out of her, you know, and with teary eyes she told me she always wanted a son named Blaze. How could I refuse?"

I shook my head. "You're such a sucker." _  
_  
Bella smacked my arm and asked if we could see Charlotte and the baby. Apparently, Blaze was a big boy – weighing in at ten pounds – and Char was being stitched back up and we could see her in a few minutes.

Really, I could have done without knowing she needed her girlie parts stitched back up.

Finally, we were allowed to visit. Emmett and I hung back, his arm slung around my shoulder as we let the two Grammas have access to the baby first.

"Shit, Edward, we're grandparents. How the hell did this happen?"

"Well, your son put his –"

"You know what I mean, jackass. Weren't we the ones just having babies, and now our _babies _are having babies?"

"I know, life's crazy."

And it was – I could hardly believe that my little girl was a mother. The room was packed with both families squished inside. I held back, letting everyone else have their moment. Finally, everyone started to clear out – leaving just the grandparents. I made my way over to the bed and kissed my daughter's head.

I looked down at Charlotte and she looked so ... radiant. I remembered how Bella looked after she'd given birth. She always said she hated the pictures of her from the hospital because she looked like hell. I disagree. I'd seen the look with Bella, Rosalie, and now my own daughter. I'm not sure what it is, the connection to a higher being - God perhaps - but pure love was manifested on their faces. The look on a mother's face after she brings a child into the world is indescribable. It's beautiful and surreal and brought tears to my eyes. My baby girl was a mom.

"Congratulations, Momma. You've done well." My voice was shaky as I tried my hardest not to break down and cry.

Charlotte smiled up at me. "Thank you, Daddy. Have you met your grandson yet?"

I shook my head. "No, I haven't had the pleasure of meeting him yet."

Rosalie walked over and settled the baby into my arms. Though he was a big boy, for a newborn, he was still so tiny.

Remember I said I could hardly believe my little girl had a baby? Well, one look at the little boy and all doubt was erased. Staring back at me was a replica of Charlotte. If I blinked, I could have been back in time twenty odd years before, holding her. Fuzzy, reddish hair, chubby cheeks. Bright eyes stared up at me in bewilderment.

"Hi, little one," I whispered. He blinked a few times and continued to stare at me. "Char, Paul, he's beautiful."

"Thank you. We think he's pretty cute too." Charlotte was beaming as she squeezed Paul's hand.

The more I looked at Blaze, the more I couldn't take my eyes off him. I sat down on the edge of the bed and stared at the perfect little guy in my arms. Charlotte rested her head on my arm as she smiled at him. Respectfully, everyone left the room, leaving me a few minutes with my grandson and my daughter.

"Is his name really Blaze? You're not fucking with me?"

"Dad!"

Okay, apparently it wasn't a joke. Even as a mom, Charlotte could still roll her eyes. God, I hoped that came back to bite her one day.

"You and Mom were right, you know? There's no such thing as loving someone too much. I've only just met Blaze and my heart hurts from the love."

I looked at Charlotte with a smile on my face.

"I know the feeling. You know, of all the successes in my life, you kids are by far, my greatest accomplishments."

"You're going to make me cry." I'm pretty sure it was more from post-partum than my words.

"Yeah? Well, join the club." I wasn't ashamed of the tears that were falling.

"Any advice on raising a baby?"

"Lots. Be prepared to screw up, because you will. If you ever have a daughter, teach her how to put on a condom. And don't fall for the 'I'm sleeping over at a friend's house' trick." Charlotte laughed.

"But, first and foremost, love him and be as honest as you can. Everything else will fall into place."

Paul and Charlotte were married a few months later in a civil ceremony at City Hall. Like we'd done with Jacob and Nessie, we bought them a house a few short blocks from where we lived. Charlotte eventually went on to get her degree in pediatric nursing. It took longer than expected because she popped out two more kids after Blaze. Elliott Fergus had a penis and Drew Antonia came with girl parts.

You know what I learned through it all? Even with their odd names, those three little kids stole my heart – and Bella's.

Charlotte was a carefree mom, pretty relaxed through the meltdowns, the fighting and, eventually, the skipping out of school and smoking cigarettes.

My phone rang one afternoon about fifteen years later. Though my hearing was starting to go, when I answered, I could hear her panicked voice loud and clear.

"Dad! Drew has a boyfriend and she's writing all these things in her diary about him and—"

"Charlotte!" I playfully scolded. "Did you read your daughter's diary?"

Oh, yes, I was mocking her and it felt great.

"I didn't set out to read it. It was just there and—"

I smirked into the receiver. "Uh huh. I thought you said you'd never stoop to that level?"

"Please stop laughing. It's not funny."

"It is to me."

"Please tell me what I should do?"

"Remember the day Mom and I sat you down in the living room and had the dreaded sex talk? I do believe it's time for you to do some bonding with your baby girl."

"Oh, God."

I later found out it was as embarrassing for Charlotte and Paul as it had been for Bella and me.

I've gotta say, if I'd known how much fun grandchildren were, I would have had them first!

* * *

**That last line is from my mom. I think I'm a little insulted. **

**I hope you enjoyed the glimpse into Charlotte and Paul's future with Blaze, Elliott and Drew. **

**Your thoughts?**

The last epilogue belongs to Leah. Hope you'll join me for it.


	40. Epilogue 3

**This story won the fic of the week over at the Lemonade Stand! Thank you all so much for your votes xo**

**Also won 2nd place in the Best Completed fics for October /2012/12/05/top-ten-completed-fics-october-2012/ THANK YOU**

**Lolo84 and Capricorn75 thank you for your help, once again. Love you both! Thanks to all of you for reading. This is the last chapter so read it slow. See you at the bottom for my last little farewell. **

* * *

**Epilogue 3**

**2016**

"You ready, kiddo? It's not too late. We can always sneak out the back door."

"Sure, want to go get a Slurpee?" Leah looped her arm through mine, not a shred of nervousness in her body.

When she looked up and smiled at me, a funny thing happened. Suddenly, I was staring at five-year old Leah wearing a fancy dress and a pillowcase on her head as a veil. Lipstick stained her lips red, smudged onto her cheeks- but the smile on her face was radiant, just like now.

I fought back tears as I looked at my little girl. Honestly, I didn't expect her wedding to hit me as hard as it did. I mean, Leah had been out of the house for years already - I was used to not seeing or talking to her daily. I'd survived Jake's and Charlotte's weddings, too. This felt different. After today, it was official that all three of my babies were no longer mine, and that stung a little. Okay, a lot.

After today Leah would be known as Adam's wife, not Edward and Bella's daughter. Her students would call her Mrs. McCarty and not Ms. Cullen. She would wear a ring on her left hand that told the world she belonged to another. It was the little things that made it more real to me.

As I looked toward the altar, I remembered standing in my parents' backyard, seeing Bella walking toward me on her father's arm. I didn't notice her dress, make-up, hair, or the bouquet, although Bella assured me enough money was spent that I _should_ have noticed. All I saw was the girl of my dreams walking toward me, the biggest of smiles on her face. The tears in her brown eyes spilled down her cheeks and soon I found myself trying to blink my own tears away but damn it, I couldn't stop them so I brushed them away with the back of my hand. Beside me, Carlisle stood with his hands clasped behind his back as he smirked at me, calling me a softie under his breath.

I have never taken lightly the vows that were exchanged that day. To love, honor, cherish, and respect. To always remain faithful. When you love someone as purely as I love my wife, those words resonate in your heart every single day. It has never been hard to live up to my vows. Now, had they been to always share the remote, not to fart in bed, or never ask if she was PMS'ing, we would have divorced a decade ago. Thankfully, loving Bella is the one thing I can do well; and loving my children is just as easy.

"How about we have a Slurpee date after you get home from your honeymoon, baby girl?"

"I think that would probably be a better idea."

Leah dropped her head onto my shoulder and I carefully kissed her forehead, mindful of the make up and perfectly styled hair.

Together we took that first step toward her future. One foot in front of the other, we made our way side by side, tears blurring my vision. And then I saw Adam, standing at the front of the church looking like he might shit his pants from nervousness. It was then that I smiled. It was rare that I smiled at Adam any more since he'd recently published his erotic novel. Yes, the one that was based on sex with my daughter. And yes, I just rolled my eyes as I walked down the aisle.

We stopped at the front of the church and Leah's eyes, which had been downcast for most of our stroll down the aisle, lifted and met Adam's. I felt, more than watched, the silent exchange between them. Not that I had any doubt, but the love between them was tangible. The joy that radiated from the two of them made it hard not to feel happy.

Adam made no attempt to hide the tears that stained his cheeks and I loved that he wasn't ashamed to look so vulnerable in front of everyone. But I knew the truth – he wasn't as much vulnerable as he was in love - with my daughter. That's really all that mattered. For today, I could overlook the fact that he wrote porn.

When the pastor asked who gave this woman to this man, I wanted to refuse and keep Leah to myself. But my mouth coherently said "Her mother, Isabella, and I do."

Before I could comprehend what was actually happening, Adam came forward and Leah's arm slipped away from mine as she took his hand. And yet it didn't make me sad. I smiled because I knew she was exactly where she needed to be.

I took my seat and Bella's hand fit nicely in mine, our fingers laced together, my thumb rubbing circles on the back of her hand.

During the ceremony, I was once again transported back to my own wedding day. The flowers were different, the music and venue, too, but the important parts were the same. I smiled as I heard my Leah profess her love to Adam. Then listening to him promise his love to my daughter - a vow I would hold him to as long as I was alive - left me with a lump in my throat.

I could have done without the kiss, though. Forty-two seconds really bordered on inappropriate.

We went to a local park to pose for photos – candid and serious. It felt like hours and hours, and I thought my face might break from smiling so much. Jacob passed me a flask and I sipped more than my fair share.

At the reception, which was held at the local golf course, I was expected to make a speech. Leah told me that threatening Adam not to fuck things up was not acceptable. Damn it – she knew me well.

I stood behind the podium, to the left of the bride and groom. Of course, I forgot my wine so I had to go back to my table to get my glass as the guests snickered. Then I took a moment to collect my thoughts and took a deep breath.

"Welcome everyone. I probably should have written something down but I'm going to wing this." From her spot at the head table, I heard Leah groan – and probably Bella, too. Suddenly, I was regretting my decision to wing it. We all knew brain to paper was my forte, not brain to mouth. This may not go over well. Too late now.

"I have been given lots of advice on what I should and shouldn't say. Leah told me to keep it short, Bella told me no smutty jokes; Charlotte begged me not to embarrass her. Sorry, but I can't guarantee any of those things tonight. First of all, on behalf of Bella, Leah, Adam, Emmett, Rosalie, and myself we thank you all for coming to celebrate this special occasion. It means a lot that you are here. Trust me, if you hadn't come the whole seating chart would be out of whack."

Leah laughed as she shook her head. Really – the seating chart would be off kilter. She'd agonized for weeks over where everyone should sit.

"I'm so excited that this day is finally upon us. After so many years of living in sin, my eldest is the last of my kids to be married. Thank you, Adam, for finally making an honest woman of her."

Bella shot me a look and in my head, I clearly heard her utter 'Edward' in her disapproving tone. Apparently, I'd had a few too many sips from Jake's flask. I tried to rein myself in.

"This brings me to the point where I'm allowed to say embarrassing things about Leah when she was younger." I rubbed my hands together excitedly.

I went on to tell more than few of her embarrassing stories. The time she peed her pants but insisted she hadn't - her bum was only sweaty. Her first spanking where I told unsuspecting Leah that I'd accidentally cracked her bum. And don't go calling CPS on me, it was only a light tap. That didn't stop her from spending hours looking at her behind in the full-length mirror in the hallway crying buckets because I really had split it in two. And then there was her second grade class photo where her finger was shoved up her nose and the front of her dress pulled up.

Don't worry - I redeemed myself when I told of her accomplishments. Her impeccable manners and beautiful looks - both from me, of course. Graduating with honors from both high school and college. Landing a job at Bella's school teaching third graders. I was bursting with pride.

"Now, to help you with your marriage, I thought I'd tell you the key to my and Bella's marriage. Quite simply - patience and compromise. Trust me, I have been patiently compromising for years." Bella rolled her eyes and shook her head as I snickered at my own joke.

"Adam, some advice specifically for you. There is no challenge in a marriage that can't be overcome by one or more of the following: Saying: I was wrong, you were right, and yes, dear. 'I love you' works the majority of the time, too. Always have peanut M&M's in the house. Never go to bed angry by apologizing early so you can get some sleep even if you were wrong."

The guests laughed and Emmett hooted that he'd been doing it wrong for years. I cleared my throat as I knew the hard part of my speech was next.

"Leah, you look stunning tonight. Your mom and I are so proud of the young woman you have become. I may not have always said or done the right things when you were growing up and sometimes, I royally messed up. But everything I did, right or wrong, was done out of love. Though you're a married woman now, you're still my baby girl. Lea-lea, I love you." The last three words were weakened by the emotions that were bubbling up. I looked over at Leah whose teary eyes met mine and she blew me a kiss.

"Adam, today you promised to love Leah until your dying days. I have no doubt as to the love you feel for her. Not only because you declared it so publicly today but because I can see how happy you make her. You're a good man. Thank you for loving her with such a pure heart." My fist pounded my chest twice as I looked at my son-in-law; from the head table, Adam saluted me.

"I hope you will all stand with me, raise your glasses, and wish Adam and Leah well. Those of us who are married, know there will be trials and tribulations to come but love each other through it all and you cannot fail. To Mr. and Mrs. Adam and Leah McCarty."

And you can bet your ass I downed that glass of wine in four gulps as soon as I was done. There were more speeches and toasts and a dinner that I gorged myself on simply because it cost an arm and a leg. Adam and Leah had their first dance, their foreheads touching as they swayed, kisses and words exchanged quietly.

When it was time for the father and daughter dance, I almost expected Leah to step on my feet before we began. Instead, I tucked her close, our hands clasped as I held one to my chest. I was given the honor of choosing the song for our dance. You have no idea what a difficult choice it was. So many song lyrics spoke to my heart.

"Oh with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right to deserve a hug every morning and butterfly kisses at night."

"How sweet it is to be loved by you."

"Go on, take this whole world, but to me you know you'll always be my little girl."

But there was one song that stood out from the others. As the song played, I softly sang in Leah's ear and the lyrics reduced her to tears.

"But I loved her first and I held her first. And a place in my heart will always be hers. From the first breath she breathed, when she first smiled at me. I knew the love of a father runs deep. And I prayed that she'd find you someday but it's still hard to give her away. I loved her first."

"Damn it, I knew you'd make me cry!" Leah pouted in my ear.

"It's true – I loved you first. But I'm okay with Adam loving you, too."

As the song came to an end, I hugged her close knowing that soon enough, every other man in attendance would expect a dance with her and in the blink of an eye, she and Adam would be leaving for the night. I whispered that I loved her and savored hearing those words from her before Emmett pulled his new daughter-in-law into his bulky arms for their dance.

Besides my own wedding, I couldn't remember having that much fun at any one else's nuptials. I danced with all my favorite girls: Bella, Alice, Rosalie, Charlotte, Maddie, and Avery. Even baby Blaze got a turn with his grandpa.

Emmett requested the Electric Slide and I was impressed with Jake keeping up with Emmett and me. The best moves came from Ethan – that kid was a chip off the old block.

Unfortunately, there was one part of the evening that left a sour taste in my mouth. I literally cringed when Adam went under Leah's dress to retrieve the garter. First of all, he took a little too long for my liking. And did he have to wear such a smug grin on his face as he came up with it in his teeth? Really? Rosalie held me back as I growled under my breath.

When the time came for the bride and groom to leave, we lined up to say goodbye. I was thankful for another quick hug and an 'I love you' from my girl. Adam shook my hand and thanked me, not only for the day but for his beautiful wife. I quickly pulled him aside.

"I know you love her, but don't fuck this up."

"I won't, sir."

"And no offence, but I have no plans to read any of your books. As in ever."

Adam smirked. "Good thing because I'm about to get a whole lot of inspiration."

I wanted to deck him but I could only laugh. He was more like me than I cared to admit.

As the newlywed's slipped into the back of the limo, I waved goodbye and refused to think about what was ahead for them – the wedding night, the honeymoon, the sex. Ick.

My own honeymoon, though, I looked back on fondly. Two sex-filled weeks spent in a Hawaiian paradise with the most beautiful girl in the world. Did I mention sex-filled?

During our early dating years, Bella and I were rarely afforded the opportunity to have sex without fear of getting caught. Sometimes, she would sneak into my room in the middle of the night and we'd keep the noise to a minimum so we wouldn't wake my parents. Or I was sidestepping the third stair on my way down to where she was to engage in some sexy times. On the very, very rare occasion, we did it at her house but the risk of Charlie going ballistic on my ass was far too risky.

During college, yes, we had more sex but as obnoxious as Emmett has made it sound, we were curbing our enthusiasm because we weren't alone. More times than not, sex was a quickie in the backseat of my car. Not knocking it, but on our honeymoon there was absolutely nothing holding us back. Trust me, we took full advantage of it- leaving a broken chair, a couple of maimed pillows, and one very weakened bed in our wake.

The lingerie that Bella had purchased specially for our honeymoon certainly surprised me. Red lace nightie. White corset and panties. Black flowing nightgown. Her birthday suit. I loved them all. But when she slipped into one of my tee shirts after one love-making session, it was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen. My shirt swallowed her up and left it all to my overactive imagination. It hid her delicious curves but showed her smooth legs. I beckoned her to where I was sitting on the lanai with a crook of my finger. She'd padded over to me and straddled my lap, giving me a glimpse of naked pussy which lead to round two that night.

The first week of our honeymoon, we didn't emerge from our room once. We ordered in room service and only ate because we knew we needed to keep our strength up.

We were able to experiment with new positions – things I'd only dreamt about or seen in porno movies.

We made love countless times over those two weeks. And fucked just as much. I'd awaken in the middle of the night, my cock surrounded in her warmth. Shower sex, bathtub sex, making love on a patio chair at dawn, and blowjobs while watching a movie were all part of our fun. During those two weeks, we perfected being in sync with each other.

On our honeymoon, I learned more about Bella than I had in all the years we'd been dating. I discovered her weakness for the scruff of my five o'clock shadow against her inner thighs. She loved when I blew short puffs of breath against her swollen clit. Moans escaped her lips when I kissed the hollow of her throat and she would purr when I licked along her hipbone. It was then that I discovered how turned on she would get with dirty words whispered in her ear.

Bella discovered secrets about me as well. Hell, I learned some new things, too. A strategically placed finger in a certain spot south of the boys can make me come in under a minute. Nibbling on my earlobe makes me shiver. Fingernails dragged on my upper thighs or down my chest and my eyes involuntarily flutter closed. Speaking of chest, my nipples discovered the joys of being grazed by teeth.

Our time in Hawaii wasn't all sex. We swam and snorkeled. Went out for fancy and not so fancy meals. Rented a Jeep and drove around the island – found ourselves a quiet little cave and had a quickie. (Okay, it was mostly about the sex.) The helicopter ride and para-sailing were definite highlights of the trip. We stayed in and watched movies, tangled up on the couch. Bubble baths where we'd discuss the names of our future kids and then stayed in the tub until the bubbles had disappeared and the water had run cold. Bella trusted me to shave her legs although I got a wee bit distracted when I got to her upper thighs. My wife sat on the bathroom counter and lathered my face with shaving cream and tried her hand at shaving but freaked out and handed me back the blade.

In the shower, Bella let me wash and condition her hair - that is probably one of my favorite visuals of the whole trip - her standing under the spray, her back to me. Warm water cascaded down her sun-kissed torso, shapely ass and long legs. I massaged the sweet smelling conditioner into her long, wet strands. Bella's head lolled down to her chest as my fingers massaged her scalp and paid special attention to her shoulders. The way she turned her head and glanced at me over her shoulder, the sexy yet innocent look on her face, good Lord.

Bella taught me how to play chess and then regretted it when I caught on quickly and spanked her ass. Turn around was fair play when I taught her how to play 'Rummy' and she snookered me. Card games turned into strip poker and you know how that ended…happily.

We hiked around the island and on one such occasion, Bella farted loudly in front of me. Yes, farted. She had never done that before, in all the years we'd dated and I busted a gut. After I finished laughing and wiped away the tears, I announced that the honeymoon was officially over.

I once asked Bella what her favorite part of the vacation was and she said it was the last night we were there. We'd ordered in room service and sat on our patio enjoying the last moments of the sun and our time there. We not only savored the meal but our time together as well. We polished off a bottle of wine with our dinner and were excited to get home to the little apartment we'd rented but hadn't yet lived in. When the honeymoon was over, our forever could begin, she explained. Suddenly, I couldn't wait to get home.

But first, after our wine and food were done, we made love as the full moon was high in the sky, illuminating our bodies in a soft glow. Afterwards, with the blankets loose around us, Bella's head on my bare chest, fingers intertwined, we slept peacefully. I remember feeling so content with my life. Fulfilled. I was giddy with happiness but more so, I knew I was blessed.

Blessed.

And that is what I hoped Leah and Adam came away from their honeymoon with and sustained throughout their marriage. It's what I wanted for all my kids.

Bella bumped her shoulders against mine and gave me a knowing smile.

"You're thinking of our honeymoon, aren't you?"

"Indeed, I was, Mrs. Cullen." I encircled her into my arms and kissed her forehead. "How would you feel about consummating our daughter's marriage tonight?"

Bella snorted. "I know that was supposed to come off as sexy, but it totally sounded creepy."

Before I could redeem myself, a heavy arm was thrown around my shoulder.

"Guess our kids are off to do the nasty tonight." Emmett chuckled, smelling like a brewery.

"Thank you, Emmett, for putting it so bluntly," I told him dryly.

"Relax, old man. Let's go rip up the dance floor. I requested the Macarena." With that, Em dragged me away from the disappearing taillights – my last connection to my daughter for two weeks – and onto the dance floor, grabbing me a beer on the way.

Before the night was through, I'd danced a whole lot more, embarrassing myself and my family with my drunken singing. Really though, what better way to go out than drunk Edward belting out a song from Dirty Dancing?

_Now I've had the time of my life_

_No I never felt like this before._

_Yes I swear it's the truth_

_And I owe it all to you.  
_

* * *

**Thank you for the love you have shown this fic and me. I've had the time of my life writing it and chatting with each of you along the way. And thank you so much for the well wishes for the little one in my belly. (Which I just found out is a little GIRL!)**

**If you come away from this fic with nothing else, remember to love with all your heart. Hug your spouse; kiss your kids. Laugh through the tantrums, the spilt milk and the whining. If you step on a Lego though, feel free to yell and curse – that shit hurts. **

**My beta wants me to add 'never pass up the chance for a good 'That's what she said joke' :)**

**I hope you'll take the time to review. Say goodbye to this family; to me. Maybe tell me your favorite scene/chapter. Which Edward did you like the best? Young-ward? Older-ward? Drunk-ward? Medicated-ward? Lyme-Disease-Ward? Grandpa-ward? It's too bad you never met Red Bull-ward, I'd bet he's funny as hell.**

**I'm off to press the 'complete' button now but before I do, two final words – from the bottom of my heart:**

**THANK YOU**


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